Pro Tips Link Copied 11.01.24

These 7 Free Mental Health Workshops Will Help You Feel Better Fast

Grounding exercises, a full-body stretching sesh, guided mediations, and more! ByWondermind

Bringing you mental fitness tips from licensed mental health pros is basically one of our favorite things, so we thought we’d celebrate World Mental Health Day this year with a totally free and fully virtual Mental Fitness Summit. The day was packed with expert-led sessions, inspiring panels, and so many takeaways that our journals were filled to the brim by the end of it. 

But don’t worry if you couldn’t make it—we saved all the sessions for you right here so you can catch up or rewatch whenever you want. Plus, a few sessions even come with downloadable worksheets to keep the mental fitness gains coming. Enjoy! 

Morning Warm-Up 

Featuring: Nina Polyné, PsyD 

The gist: If you’re looking for a relaxing way to ease into your day and get grounded, this session is for you. Dr. Polyné takes you through a series of mental fitness exercises that help you get in tune with your body and stay present throughout the day. 

Watch it here!

Stress-Less Workshop 

Featuring: Sarah Ahmed, RSW 

The gist: Feeling a little overwhelmed these days? Join therapist Sarah Ahmed, RSW, as she teaches us stress management and self-regulation tips for when everything is A LOT.

BONUS: Use this personalized stress toolkit worksheet to help you pinpoint your stress triggers. 

Watch it here!

Mind to Body: Normalizing Mental Health in Sports 

Powered by Powerade 

Featuring: Team Powerade Athletes Harrie Lavreysen (Olympian, Track Cycling) and Emma Twigg (Olympian, Rowing); Wondermind CEO + Co-Founder Mandy Teefey; Licensed marriage and family therapist Corey Yeager, PhD 

The gist: You don’t need to be an athlete or an entrepreneur to relate to the powerful stories in this session. You’ll hear from Wondermind’s CEO and Team Powerade Athletes about how they navigated setbacks and learned the power of a pause when things got tough. Challenging the “win at all costs” belief, POWERADE has brought to life “Pause Is Power,” highlighting the brand’s belief that true power lies not just in relentless pursuit, but in the ability to be human and listen to yourself when you need to pause—a moment of laughter, reflection, community and recovery. 

Watch it here! 

Mid-Summit Stretch 

Featuring: Kelsey Wells, personal trainer 

The gist: Save this one for the next time you need a midday pick-me-up. Kelsey Wells takes us through a flow of mindful movement to help you shake off whatever’s on your mind and get ready for the rest of the day. 

Watch it here!

Keynote Conversation: Getting Unstuck 

Featuring: Wondermind CEO + Co-Founder Mandy Teefey, Wondermind Co-Founder Selena Gomez, and therapist Minaa B., LMSW 

The gist: We’ve all been there—feeling stuck, anxious about what’s next, and not sure how to get your momentum back. This panel is filled with inspiring and relatable stories from Mandy Teefey and Selena Gomez, plus expert insights from Minaa B.

BONUS: Use this getting unstuck worksheet to navigate and embrace the pivots in your own life.   

Watch it here!

Therapy 101  

Featuring: Licensed psychologist Jessica Stern, PhD, and board-certified psychiatrist Juan Romero-Gaddi, MD 

The gist: Have questions about therapy? We’ve got answers. In this panel, we ask the experts about how to get started, what to expect, and how to make the most out of your therapy sessions.

BONUS: Here are the 10 questions they suggest asking before your first therapy session. 

Watch it here!

Rest & Reflect 

Featuring: Licensed psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD

The gist: You’re going to want to bookmark this guided meditation for whenever you’re having an especially stressful day. Jenny Wang, PhD, helps you reflect on your mental fitness gains and set intentions for the future. 

Watch it here!

The post These 7 Free Mental Health Workshops Will Help You Feel Better Fast appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 05.28.24

6 Common AAPI Mental Health Stigmas—and How to Unlearn Them

As a licensed therapist from the Philippines, I get what you’re going through. ByAlyssa “Lia” Mancao, LCSW

By now we’ve all heard the phrase “mental health matters,” and it does… But do we, as a collective, really know the specific mental health obstacles that manifest in our different cultural communities? The truth is that we can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. For many in the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) community, talking about mental well-being has been discouraged for generations, leading to many of us internalizing negative beliefs that jeopardize our confidence, sense of self, happiness, and maybe even our connections with others. As a licensed psychotherapist with a background in treating Asian Americans and as an immigrant from Cebu, Philippines, I understand personally and professionally where the various stigmas in our communities come from and how they influence us. 

The reluctance to openly discuss mental health within AAPI communities is largely due in part to mental struggles being viewed as a weakness, as a negative reflection of the family, and something that will compromise our collective success and health. A lot of these beliefs are rooted in the concept of filial piety, which is the idea that our worth and usefulness is tied to our ability to care for our family, especially our parents. (JFYI: Filial piety stems from China and Confucianism, and this family unit emphasis can be found across various Asian, Pacific Islander, and Islamic societies.) 

This commitment to your people isn’t a bad thing, but it can be taken to the extreme. If a mental challenge interferes with your ability to support your kin, then that sense of worth and usefulness can *poof* and disappear, which can hurt your mental well-being even more. 

For the record: It should go without saying, but the AAPI community is not a monolith. Our differences span across ethnic groups, languages, and immigration experiences. Still, there are shared cultural pain points that many of us can relate to, and no one group is immune to mental health struggles. We need to heal, and we need specific guidance that resonates with our cultural identities in order for that healing to be impactful. 

If you don’t know where to start, I’ve got you. Here are six common stigmas and pressures within the community that we need to challenge and unlearn so we can get closer to our best, most authentic selves. 

1. That struggling with your mental health makes you weak. 

Circling back on the filial piety of it all. Within the AAPI community, it’s often believed that having mental health issues is a poor reflection of the family line and interferes with your ability to care for one’s relatives and community. To be blunt, that messaging is inaccurate. Mental challenges don’t always relate to anything your elders did or didn’t do, and they don’t always negatively affect other people in your family, like your siblings. Plus, when you take better care of yourself, you become more capable of helping others. You do not have to choose one over the other, and ignoring your well-being to solely care for others can be counterproductive. For example, suppressing how you feel doesn’t make your feelings go away. It only amplifies them and can lead to physical symptoms too, like chronic pain.

To get some distance from those feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment, try to approach your mental health with a sense of curiosity and compassion. You could do that by practicing affirmations like, “Struggling with my mindset does not make me weak or lessen my value as a person,” “I need to take care of myself before I can care for others,” or “My mental health journey is valid and worthy of respect and understanding from myself and others.”

Or you could even think about what it might look like to care for yourself and your family. Like, could you realistically go to therapy for one hour on Wednesday and take your mom to her doctor’s appointment on Friday or help your kids with their homework at night? It’s possible!

2. That you’re either too American or not American enough.  

Raise your hand if you feel like you don’t belong in any of the cultures you’re part of, whether that be where you currently live or where your ancestors are from. You know, that uneasy feeling that if you returned to your homeland, maybe you wouldn’t know the cuisine or language. And at the same time, you still don’t feel like you’re “American enough” if you live in the States, for example, because of the way you look, how your parents talk, or the foods and TV shows you like. This feeling of being culturally inadequate is a constant internal battle many AAPI folks face.

The dialogue that we have with ourselves and others matters. Instead of telling yourself that you are not enough or don’t belong, remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to exist within the community. The very fact that you identify as AAPI is qualification for being both Asian or Pacific Islander and American enough—your nationality does not erase your heritage. You do not need to do anything else to prove your cultural worthiness, even if there are people who try to make you feel that way with their narrow stereotypes. When you can begin to accept that you are culturally enough, then you can release the feelings of shame that says that something is missing within you. 

3. That your appearance is the most important thing about you. 

If you grew up in a home or culture where your body was openly criticized, where people had no problem saying you’re “too fat” or your eyes could be more almond-shaped, you are one of our strongest soldiers. Same if you ever had to endure the “your skin is too dark” and “stay out of the sun and buy skin whitening soaps” messaging, which is deeply rooted in anti-blackness and white supremacy, BTW. After years of having these POVs thrown at you (perhaps without anyone to call out how toxic they are), you can internalize them and end up being less than thrilled with your appearance and the features that make us AAPI peeps unique. 

Healing, in this case, looks like taking baby steps to embrace your skin tone, like sitting at the beach all day if you want to, for example. (Just bring SPF, cool?) Or maybe when you’re getting ready today, you can ditch the makeup that makes your eyes look wider. Whatever change helps you feel closer to your happiest, most authentic self is a good place to start. 

You can also learn to feel more confident by recognizing that body and beauty diversity exist, that our bodies don’t have to be shamed or critiqued, and that just because you look different from some strict, unrealistic beauty standard, that doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful too. Focus instead on what your body can do for you versus how it looks (think: your thicc calves help you hike your favorite trails) and you might start to feel more appreciative for your physique.

4. That speaking up for yourself makes you difficult. 

Back in the day, the pressure to assimilate to and be accepted by white American culture was a thing for many AAPI elders who were trying to get established in this country. This meant teaching their kids to not rock the boat, stay quiet, fall in line with what authority figures say, and essentially disappear so as not to cause trouble. AAPI communities were also seen (and often still are) as the “model minority,” which essentially pits us against other marginalized racial groups and perpetuates the idea that we shouldn’t speak up for ourselves or deviate from the status quo.

When we internalize the idea that we should stay quiet and keep our heads down, well, that can lead to unfortunate side effects, like AAPI folks being unlikely to seek mental health treatment or report crimes made against them, a 2022 crime study suggests. In 2020, reports of hate crimes against AAPI people increased, but the rates at which they were being reported was still largely under-estimated, the same study states. 

I encourage you to challenge this “model minority” messaging and ask yourself: “Who benefits from me not speaking up for myself?” Most likely, the answer isn’t you. Then, reframe this message with “I am allowed to have a voice and express my individual differences and preferences. By doing this, I am helping myself and future generations.” This mindset shift can help you seek connections that let you be you and also help you recognize that you are allowed to have your own voice and identity that doesn’t always mesh with assimilation. 

5. That your worth is tied to your education or career. 

The “model minority” myth strikes again with this one and can make AAPI people (and others) think that our greatest strengths center on our academic and white collar success. This is another racial stereotype that not only causes harm between communities, but also leads to feelings of inadequacy and shame if you deviate from the traditional STEM fields, kinda suck at those courses, or if you choose not to go to school altogether! But let’s be real: School and STEM programs aren’t for everyone, and no matter where you fall on the spectrum of academic performance, it’s not a measure of your worth as a human being. 

When you release the narrative that your life has to look a certain way, you release so much pressure and allow yourself to explore different paths and passions that diversify your life experience and our world. Plus, if you actually pursue what you like, you’ll probably end up a happier person than if you people-please your way through life. 

If you need an affirmation to go with this reframe, repeat after me: “My worth is not tied into my academic success, salary, or career choice. I am allowed to seek creative pursuits and my own passions, regardless of if I am good at it or if it can be monetized.” 

6. That setting boundaries with your family makes you disrespectful.  

Showing love, honor, and respect to your parents and ancestors is something AAPI culture has emphasized for a long time (remember the filial piety ideals?). But over time, the belief has evolved into the idea that being a dutiful child means being obedient and not challenging or going against anything your elders say. Yup, that includes begging to take drum lessons instead of violin. Or even saying you really hate how they discipline you, for example. If you do, prepare to be labeled disobedient or disrespectful. But if you can’t authentically express yourself, that increases the likelihood of experiencing stress and anxiety, losing your agency, and resenting your family. 

Luckily, it’s totally possible to have filial piety while also maintaining your individuality and sense of safety and self. Honoring your parents doesn’t mean dishonoring yourselves, and setting boundaries to protect your peace does not make you inherently bad. When you can recognize this and speak your truth to your family, you’re able to live in alignment with your personal values a little more. 

So, as you go forth and start to move and think in these new ways, think about what boundaries might help you out. Could it be pulling your parents to the side to say that you respect their opinion and want to enjoy your family reunion, but if they comment on your body in front of others, you will have to leave the family function early? Or maybe you lay out a map of your dream career that has nothing to do with STEM and explain how they inspired you or how this will help you honor your family’s legacy. While you won’t be able to control their response, when you try to merge your filial piety with what you want to do, you might be able to find a happy compromise.

The post 6 Common AAPI Mental Health Stigmas—and How to Unlearn Them appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 05.24.24

35 Daily Reflections for Checking In With Yourself

How are you, really? ByKylani St. Clair, LMHC, CCTP

From time to time, we all get trapped in a rhythm that goes a little something like: running to work, drinking two (or three) strong coffees per day, keeping tabs on your people, trying to “have” “hobbies,” doomscrolling, and marathoning the latest Netflix drop as your brain turns to goo. With all of that, checking in with yourself can easily drop to the bottom of your to-do list. But when you skip out on daily reflections (like, How am I, really?) you put your physical and mental health at risk.

Yes, pausing to check in on yourself with everything else going on can seem unrealistic and maybe even intimidating. As a psychotherapist and yoga teacher who specializes in mindfulness and trauma, I know all about that daily grind. I also know all about avoiding signals from your mind and body saying, Hey! Pay attention to me! In my experience, if you don’t listen up and make some adjustments, you might be more prone to things like burnout, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and more. 

I want to help you get in tune with your mind, body, and all of the things that make you who you are (like your spirit, sense of community, and relationships). You can use that information to get clear on your wants, needs, challenges, and wins—and make changes accordingly. Making a habit of this over time can lead to a greater sense of purpose, authenticity, happiness, and internal peace. All great things! 

If you’re ready to get started, here are a few daily reflections you can use to understand your mind, body, spirit, and relationships a bit more. Feel free to use them as journal prompts, spend time thinking about them during your morning routine, or bring them up in therapy. I personally love to meditate on these prompts during yoga.No matter how or when you check in, aim to do it on a regular basis so you can be proactive about managing any distressing issues. 

To check in with your physical health

Society has become good at prioritizing productivity over basic needs, like eating when you’re hungry, sipping water when you’re thirsty, or taking a five minute break to look out the window. Ultimately, if you’re not in tune with your physical needs or the warning signs from your body, taking care of your mental health becomes more challenging. The prompts below can help you get in touch with how you’re feeling physically so you can take better care of yourself. 

1. Have you nourished yourself today? When was the last time you ate something? Are you drinking enough water?
2. How well did you sleep last night, and is that normal for you? 
3. What small changes can you make to help you get better sleep this week? Or is exhaustion an ongoing problem that you could talk to your doctor or therapist about? 
4. How is your work-life balance? Are you taking breaks throughout the day, and do they feel restful? 
5. What activities could you do during your free time to make you feel more chill and rejuvenated? (Remember: Every day is different, so what works for you one day might not work the next.)
6. How’s your posture today? Are there any tweaks you can make to feel even 1% more comfortable right now?

To check in with your emotional state

Reflecting on your emotions makes it easier to label and work through your feelings as they come up. If you don’t take time to acknowledge that they exist, you could struggle to move through conflicts or express yourself to others. 

As you use the prompts below to reflect on your emotions, try to describe what you’re feeling as specifically as possible. You could even use the tried-and-true feelings wheel to pinpoint the name of what you’re feeling. The more precise your vocabulary, the easier it is to identify what’s going wrong (or right!), understand your needs, and take action. 

1. What are three emotions and/or feelings you’ve experienced today? 
2. What have your emotions been trying to tell you today? 
3. Where do you feel emotions in your body? Could your tense shoulders or upset stomach be related to anxiety? What might help you relieve that discomfort or tension?
4. Which emotions are yours, and which ones could you be holding for someone else? 
5. Which emotions tell you that you’re not living in line with your boundaries and values? 

To check in with your spiritual self

Whether you’re describing the spirit that lives within you, such as your soul, or your intuitive connection to the earth or a Higher Power, you likely have some kind of driving force—and that’s your spiritual self. Even if you don’t subscribe to a specific religion, getting in touch with your beliefs can give you a sense of direction, hope, purpose, and motivation. 

Here are reflections that help me find my way back to feeling spiritually fulfilled and can help you if you’re feeling lost, stuck, or unmotivated.

1. A mantra, quote, or saying that you could use to live in line with your values is: 
2. What spiritual practice would you like to cultivate or learn more about? 
3. Being in connection with the universe and the world makes you feel: 
4. Did you live in alignment with your spiritual beliefs today? How did that make you feel?
5. What sparked a feeling of hope and joy in you today? If you didn’t feel that way, how did you experience that in the past? 
6. Did you notice anything random today, like signs or glimmers, that felt like it had a significant meaning?  

To check in on your relationship with yourself

You’ve probably heard how important it is to cultivate your intrapersonal relationship, like being comfortable in your own company and feeling generally good about who you are. Here are some reflections you can ponder to gain insight on how to treat yourself. The goal is to find more ways to cultivate self-compassion. 

1. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being your lowest, 10 being your best), how are you feeling right now, and what might be influencing your mental state? 
2. In what area do you need to practice accepting yourself without judgment or analysis?  Could it be your body image, academic performance, or daily habits? 
3. How can you self-soothe or show yourself compassion today?
4. How did you meet your needs today? What do you need to continue meeting your needs for the rest of the day? 
5. What can you congratulate yourself for? 
6. When do you feel like your most authentic self? 

To check in on how you show up in the world

No matter who you are, you play many roles on this earth. Caregiver, good-time friend, truck driver, eldest daughter, student, veterinarian—we commit chunks of time and energy to these (maybe unofficial) titles. 

Because your roles and responsibilities can take up a lot of space in your day-to-day life, it’s important to consider if they feel authentic or fulfilling to you. Just imagine how being super professional at work might make you feel like you’re hiding something or pretending to be someone else. Sometimes your family’s support system leaves little room for you to express yourself. That’s exhausting and can keep you from living the life you want. 

If you’re a little burnt out by your role, it can also help to think about what can make you feel recharged. As a therapist, I love working with clients week to week, watching them grow and change. Still, I’m only human, and sometimes imposter syndrome creeps in or I feel a little unmotivated. When that happens, one thing that fires me up and helps a ton is attending conferences and trainings where I can hear from other experts and draw on their ideas and strategies. 

However you define yourself, these reflections can help you see if this way of life is working for you and what changes might help things run more smoothly. (Consider answering these in your journal so you can see how your answers change over time.)

1. What is your role in your family, friend group, and society? Do they feel true to who you want to be? 
2. Where does your sense of reward and motivation in your role come from? 
3. Are you doing what you want or what you need to be doing to feel content? If not, what’s one attainable step you could take to get closer to that reality?
4. How can you find or continue your sense of purpose within your roles? 
5. What about your identity makes you proud? 

To check in on your interpersonal connections

Healthy and fulfilling relationships with others can give you a sense of belonging, happiness, resilience, and purpose. Sounds ideal and yet a lot of us really struggle to find and maintain those bonds. Since Covid, many of my clients started to feel more anxious about their social interactions.

Whether that’s the case for you too or your relationships leave you feeling off for some other reason, these questions can help you reflect on the ties that make you feel good, pinpoint the ones that don’t, and identify why. When you clarify the differences, you can decide which connections to prioritize, which ones to leave behind, and what qualities you want to see in new relationships.  

1. How are you feeling about socializing lately, whether it’s in-person or virtually? 
2. What was it like to interact, or not, with people today? 
3. Did any interactions today make you uncomfortable? What can you learn from that? 
4. How were you authentic around others today? 
5. You felt secure in your community and/or relationships today because: 
6. What do you value in your friendships and community? What value do you get from having them in your life? 
7. What boundaries do you need to reinforce with others? 

You’re the best source of info for how you’re living from moment to moment. Checking in with yourself regularly and honestly improves your resiliency and authenticity for yourself and models that behavior for those around you.

The post 35 Daily Reflections for Checking In With Yourself appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 05.16.24

The Ultimate Guide to Journaling

Your friends all love it for a reason. ByAnna Borges

As a lifelong journaler with a notebook-buying problem, I will be the first to recommend the good, old-fashioned art of putting your feelings to paper. But I’m not just a fanatic—it legit supports my mental health. And if I had a Moleskine for every therapist who’s ever recommended journaling for self-care, well…I’d be a very happy camper. Still, as much as I love jotting down all my thoughts and feelings, sometimes it’s much easier to buy fancy new journals than it is to actually use them.  

From busy schedules to writer’s block, we all have our sources of struggle with the practice. And that’s not even counting all the difficult stuff that could come up in the process. “There’s a vulnerability in journaling,” says Megan Logan, LCSW, therapist and author of Self-Love Workbook for Women. “It’s one thing to think something in your head, and it’s a whole other thing to document it in black and white.” Plus, scribbling about your innermost workings can feel self-indulgent when you’re not used to dedicating time to yourself. 

But if you can get over your roadblocks, it’s worth it. Journaling gives you a place to unload your heaviest emotions, celebrate the good stuff, and discover who you truly are. “Pausing to reflect on how things are going by writing them down will give you more intentionality and clarity during your day and throughout your life,” says Ryan Howes, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Mental Health Journal for Men. And when you’re more in-tune with yourself, you can end up feeling more confident and less anxious and stressed as a result.  

So what’s a non-journaler to do when there are so many hurdles to being a person who, you know, journals? Here are some expert-backed strategies so you’ll stick to it (for real this time). 

Try different kinds of journaling.

Half the battle in making journaling a habit, especially if you’re starting from square one, is finding a method that works for you and your self-expression, says Logan, adding that ease and accessibility can determine if you follow through with the practice. It might take some time for you to find your style, but here are some things to consider. 

Hard copy journals vs. digital journaling 

I don’t know about you, but I go back and forth on this all the time. Some days I romanticize the heck out of handwriting in a diary—it feels special and distinct from typing, which I do all day long. Other times, I get impatient with physical logs because handwriting takes more effort, so I embrace the casualness and ease of the Notes app. Is it messy and unorganized? Yes. Is it the only way I journal consistently? Also yep! 

Like me, you may have to experiment a bit to find the best match(es). Analog lovers may take a second to find a pen that doesn’t bleed in your favorite journal…or a favorite journal in the first place. For the digital types, you might dig apps like Daylio, Day One, or Happyfeed and how they’re with you all the time if you’re attached to your phone. Or you might be more comfortable typing on the computer, recording voice notes, or a mix of more than one.

Freeform vs. guided journals 

Intimidated by the blank page or screen? There are tons of guided journals and workbooks that encourage you to open up because they “give you permission to explore and talk about things you otherwise wouldn’t,” says Logan. Some center on particular topics or identities, like the Mindfulness Journal for Depression or the Mental Health Journal for Black Women. Others provide time or space restraints, like the popular One Line A Day memory book or this astrological journal that gives you a half page per day. And some apps like Reflectly, Dabble Me, and Grid Diary offer a mix of specific writing prompts to keep you focused.

On the other hand, Dr. Howes notes that you might feel stifled by a structured format and prefer to explore whatever inspires you in the moment. In that case, freeform writing in a blank notebook or Google doc could be your jam. (Some apps offer blank space for freewriting too.)  

Even if you go the freeform route, you can still self-impose some guidance if it helps you commit to the practice or go deeper. For example, you can organize your thoughts into themed lists (most embarrassing memories, songs that speak to you, things that bring you joy) or word association clouds (stick a person, place, feeling, or another word in the center, then branch out from there). Of course, it’s your journal—anything goes! 

Lean on journal prompts for inspiration.

One of the most common barriers to journaling Dr. Howes hears is: “I don’t know what to write.” He often recommends guided journals to folks for this reason, but if you want to forge ahead with a blank canvas, here are a bunch of journal prompts for whatever you’re feeling. 

• Journal prompts for self-discovery 
• Journal prompts for loneliness
• Journal prompts for mental health
• Self-esteem journal prompts
• Motivational journal prompts 
• Confidence journal prompts
• Anxiety journal prompts   
• Anger journal prompts 

Looking for more inspiration? Here are some therapist-backed strategies for getting started.

Log what you’re grateful for

Both Dr. Howes and Logan say gratitude journaling is the MVP for beginners or anyone whose journaling practice has gotten a little stale. Not only is it super low effort—just jot down one thing you’re grateful for a day—but the mental health benefits of gratitude are well-documented. Hello, reduced depression and stress and increased overall happiness and life satisfaction. 

Chronicle your day

If you struggle to journal because you’re afraid of unleashing intense emotions, it can be easier to start on the surface by scribbling about the ins and outs of your daily life, Logan says. Think: “I went to the grocery store and wandered through the aisles for two hours today because I had literally nothing else to do.” 

Plus, it’s fun to reread these entries, and not just for nostalgia. You might spot behavioral patterns when reviewing old events—and your interpretations of them at the time—which can help you see if this way of living is working for you or put your current life into perspective, says Dr. Howes. 

Just vent

It sounds obvious, but it bears repeating: Your diary is the perfect playground for whatever you’ve got swirling around inside your head. “We often have 20 different thoughts and feelings going on at once,” says Dr. Howes. “One thing that journaling forces us to do is to focus on one at a time.” 

You don’t have to do anything but express your straight-forward thoughts and emotions, like how you think your boss hates you or you feel frustrated about today’s meeting. But you can do some low-key therapy work if you’re down. According to Dr. Howes, your journal is a great place to spot and challenge negative thought patterns or get to the bottom of how you’re really feeling. For example, write about why your boss’s lack of exclamation points in her last email sent you spiraling. Are you feeling insecure or undervalued? Do you typically need constant reassurance that people aren’t mad at you? Has she given other signs she’s not pumped about your work? 

Check in with your goals

You could even think of your journal as a goal or habit tracker where you check in on your progress, Dr. Howes says, noting that this is especially handy for those who struggle with productivity and yearn for more accountability and motivation. When writing about your goals, ponder over your five-year plan, remind yourself why finishing X is important to you (if it even still is), or measure your growth so far. If you need more in-depth instruction, try this goal-setting worksheet.

Problem solve

It can be more enlightening to bounce around ideas with yourself in a journal than in your own head, says Dr. Howes. “If you’re feeling stuck, try throwing a bunch of possibilities on the page and sorting through them until you find the best one,” he advises. Other ways to reach a decision: List the pros and cons, name steps you definitely won’t take, or write about how you ideally want a situation to resolve. 

Explore your past

Your journal is a safe space to sort through life events and how they inform your present. Dr. Howes says you can dive in anywhere: pick an age, brag about your highlight reel, unpack a time that felt particularly challenging, or explore a random memory that comes to mind. Then, write down whatever comes up, like how you felt at the time, how you feel about the event now, and how you think it might’ve impacted you. “If you don’t want to write about yourself directly, then write about a role model you had or a significant event you witnessed,” Dr. Howes adds. 

Make sense of your dreams

Dr. Howes has had clients bring their dream diaries into sessions with him, and good material comes up, he adds. “In part, dreams are your brain processing the information you’ve taken in during the day, so they can offer a kind of internal litmus test—a state of the union,” Dr. Howes says. 

He recommends keeping your journal or phone near your bed so you can write down dream details when you wake up and before they slip away. When recapping, note any repeat scenarios and images that come up. No need to go ham on dissecting the symbolism unless you want to. Just get curious about the general themes, like if you’re being chased or are falling, he suggests. 

Brain dump 

Give yourself a time or space constraint (10 minutes or three pages, for example) and just word vomit. Even if that means writing “I don’t know what to write” or “I hate journaling” over and over. You usually wind up stumbling into something more substantial to express, says Dr. Howes. (Fun fact: Many associate this stream-of-consciousness journaling with morning pages, made famous by Julia Cameron’s everpopular The Artist’s Way, yet another guided journal available!)

Troubleshoot your biggest barriers.

Even after you’ve picked your notebook or app and decided what to write, getting yourself to journal consistently is a whole other ballgame. Here are a few tips to help make the practice stick. 

If you keep forgetting to journal… 

Try a routine. Many people benefit from some sort of consistency, at least in the beginning. Dr. Howes says that when you wake up or before you go to sleep are common time slots for journaling (especially because morning and nighttime routines are good for your mental health too). You can also tie the activity to events, feelings, or other random triggers, like journaling after therapy, when you feel jealous, or whenever you have the apartment to yourself.

If it feels like a chore…

If you’re a newbie, manageability is key. A routine might keep you consistent, but be flexible about breaking it and be open to cutting back on how much or how often you try to write. “If you feel like writing a lot some days, great. If you don’t feel like writing much or anything at all other days, that’s also great,” says Dr. Howes. “The journal is there to serve you. You don’t want it to feel like a job.”

If you’re not motivated… 

Logan is a fan of making A Thing out of journaling so it becomes an activity to look forward to. “I always like to pair it with doing something special, like having hot tea, wearing fuzzy pajamas, and sitting in your special chair with a candle,” she says. You could also try bringing your notebook to a coffee shop or park. If that doesn’t help, you might be bored with journaling itself, so think about if there’s another way you could switch things up. Perhaps you’re in the market for a guided journal or some journal prompts? 

If you’re worried people will read this…

Maybe it’s a legit concern (ugh, nosy siblings) or a hypothetical one (what if I get famous and my diaries are published after I die?!). Either way, it’s hard to get real in your journal if you’re preoccupied with how you’re coming across, Dr. Howes says. Do what you need for peace of mind, like using an encrypted app, a ’00s-inspired Password Journal, or a password-protected note on your phone. Hell, you can even entrust someone with the job of burning your diaries after you die! Alternatively, you can skip the paper trail altogether and tear up each page you complete, delete your docs, or use apps with vanishing text, like Halka. 

If you’re overthinking your words… 

According to Dr. Howes, plenty of journalers put pressure on themselves to be amazing wordsmiths. But unless practicing your prose is the goal of your Me Time, don’t waste the brain space. Instead, try leaning into writing as poorly as possible to see if it shakes your perfectionist tendencies. “Forget about word choice, forget about grammar, and forget about complete sentences if you want,” says Dr. Howes. “As long as you’re getting your thoughts onto the page, leave the editing for…well, never, really.” 

Maybe it’s the content of your words, not the quality, that has you nervous about seeing it on paper in black and white. Understandable, Logan says. If you’re in that boat, take a stab at forgoing words altogether. Doodling, collaging, making playlists, and other creative outlets are all ways to harness the spirit of journaling without having to write. This can also help with writer’s block because “sometimes you can’t find the words, or there aren’t words that do justice to what you’re actually feeling,” says Logan. 

If it doesn’t feel awesome…

That’s normal. Shit can get really real and uncomfortable when you’re looking your emotions right in the eye, Logan says. That’s another reason she likes creating a comforting space and adding self-care to her writing routine. “Doing something nice for yourself at the same time can help you walk away from journaling without carrying those dark things with you,” she adds. 

There’s also a chance you’ve fallen into a ruminating trap, whether you’re rehashing the same rant over and over, catastrophizing, or just plain hurting your own feelings, says Dr. Howes. To combat future spirals, he recommends setting a timer for your writing sessions, at least when you’re working through topics that get you going. “One of the best parts about a journal is how you can close it,” Dr. Howes says. “You can say, ‘This is where I’m keeping these tough feelings for now. I’ll come back and visit them when I’m ready to, but I don’t have to stay in them.’”

The bottom line: There are plenty of hurdles to journaling, so experiment to find the methods that work for you. And if you still hate journaling after about a month, there’s no shame in trying something else, like talking through your feelings in therapy, Dr. Howes says. 

The post The Ultimate Guide to Journaling appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 05.16.24

Are Third Places the Cure for Loneliness?

Because the work-home-work grind isn’t helping you live your best life. ByJosey Murray

Going to work, back home, and back to work again and again can make you feel lonely as hell. That’s especially true if your home life isn’t ideal or you don’t connect with your coworkers sending those “this is the Mondayest Tuesday” memes. But fret not. Even if you feel like you’re on a (kinda depressing) loop, there is hope for more excitement, joy, and community. Allow me to introduce you to a little thing called third places. 

Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in 1982, third places are locations away from work and home where you gather to enjoy the company of people you know and friendly strangers. 

You’ve probably witnessed the greatness of third places at some point, likely via the TV. You know Central Perk on Friends? Yep, that’s a third place. Same for Luke’s Diner in Gilmore Girls, the bar in Cheers, and that random diner in Sex and the City. If you’re lucky, maybe you know how nice it is to walk into your local library and be greeted with a smile and little chat from your favorite librarian. Or maybe you like to chill at the one stoop down the block that’s always vibrating with your neighbors’ laughter and music. 

In a world where so many struggle with loneliness, lack of belonging, or physical isolation, third places can get you excited about your daily life, expand your horizons, and offer a sense of community thanks to the new (and familiar!) people you come across, says Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, clinical psychologist and friendship researcher. 

And in excellent introvert news: Even if you don’t have in-depth conversations with others, just being in the presence of people or having quick little interactions (like small-talking with the barista making your coffee order or asking someone where they got their cool shoes) comes with loneliness-busting benefits, shares Minaa B., LMSW, therapist and social worker. 

Before you start running around, trying to find a new neighborhood haunt, you’ll want to sift through your goals, interests, and any potential limitations in order to find the spot with the most potential for making connections with people who get you, Dr. Kirmayer and Minaa B. suggest. Some questions you can mull over include: 

• What am I most interested in? Is it finding a place with great food, mocktails, books, or big-screen TVs?
• What’s something I’d love to do more of or learn to do? 
• What parts of town do I appreciate, and how far am I willing to travel? 
• What accommodations might I need in any given space? 
• What kind of experiences or people do I want in my life? 
• Is this place somewhere that other people will be actively trying to make friends too? 
• What cadence of visiting a third place feels sustainable given the demands of my life?
• Would I feel safe in this new space?  

If you need some specific ideas for where to go, here are some tried-and-true favorites.

1. Find some local entertainment. 

“I like going to dive bars that have live music. Sometimes you have to pay a cover or ticket fee, but it’s usually not much, and the crowd is often regulars, friends of the band, or just music fans. I don’t drink, so your average bar or club doesn’t have much for me, but if there’s live music, I’m there. I try to go no matter what the music is, even if I’m not into the genre because you never know what you’ll find. I’ve been to spots that will teach you how to dance before the band plays, and it’s so much fun and gets you out of your comfort zone. It’s a great way to meet people who like the same stuff as you or people who are different and can open your perspective. All you have to do is turn to someone who seems cool and say, ‘This band is amazing, aren’t they? Have you been here before?’ And boom, you’ve made a friend!” —Emily Y., 26 

2. Go somewhere pretty….

“I love this one local coworking space that has great coffee and is in a beautiful renovated old bank. I’ll often go there with a friend or go alone, and I never know who I’ll meet and what kinds of interesting projects and passions I’ll hear about. Sometimes, part of the appeal of third places is absolutely the setting, even if it’s somewhat work-related. Places that have a certain sense of beauty or awe to them can draw people in and people get into the right headspace to actually connect and end up feeling a little inspired to make conversations, like chatting about the location itself. Very often, that’s the opening to conversation.” —clinical psychologist Miriam Kirmayer, PhD

3. …or even to your typical errands spot. 

“The convenience store is my third place because it feels like an extension of my home. I often walk past and just stop in because I spot a friend inside. It’s an accidental gathering place for us because we all live nearby and inevitably need something from the store daily or every couple of days. The guys who own the place (and their cat, Tom) are always there, and I’ve gotten to know them over the years of stopping in there. It’s nice to be able to connect with someone outside of your sphere (aka, my college) but still in the same physical community. No matter what time of day it is, I know I can stop in for a snack and some social interaction even if I don’t spot a friend inside, and it makes me feel a little less lonely knowing that this place is around the corner. ” —Evan M., 22

4. Relax at a does-it-all restaurant. 

“A local restaurant/bar has become my go-to meeting place for last-minute family dinners, girls’ brunches, hockey games, and more. We have a busy family with three tween and teenage kids, and having somewhere we can walk or drive to that everyone enjoys means it hits all our boxes. We also try to support local businesses, so it aligns with our community values as well. Although we don’t often plan to gather with other folks in the neighborhood, we usually see people we know there. We also go frequently enough that we are familiar with most of the servers and it feels kind of like where everybody knows your name.” —Miranda A., 41

5. Go where the dogs are.  

“The dog park is the most amazing place of pure connection and positive energy because dogs have minds of their own, and they push you to engage with humans who you might not otherwise meet or interact with. It’s also great because it’s a third place that is so play-focused and one of the last ones that we have in society other than a bar or, if you have kids, a playground. I don’t even think you have to have a pet to enjoy a dog park; you can go to talk to other people, pet some other dogs, or just read a book and marinate in the vibes.” —Madeline W., 28 

6. Treat yourself in community. 

“One of my favorite third places is the beauty shop. I like it so much better than going to a stylist who has a private studio or salon because you get to interact with new people while being pampered. I love how I go in there already feeling comfortable because I know the employees and then they create connections and conversations because they know everyone in there too. I know that even if my anxiety makes me clam up, other people will keep talking, and I can have fun just listening to what they say. It takes pressure off of me, and when I’m ready to rejoin the conversation, it’s never weird. Also, as a person of color who lives in a predominantly white city, visiting a salon that caters to and actually celebrates people who look like me feels like a breath of fresh air and somewhere I can be myself and gain confidence. While I don’t always go as often as I’d like, being in there for a couple of hours leaves me feeling recharged (like I can relax my shoulders) and happy because I’ve done my socializing and self-care in community.” —Shan B., 30

7. Leave your comfort zone. 

“I think a lot of people let the fear of being perceived when trying something new stop them from entering an unfamiliar space, and looking down at your phone is like a coping mechanism for not having to look at other people. I love that I started rock climbing and that my gym is somewhere I can be present because it’s not conducive to me being on my phone. You need to be so focused when climbing—all you can think about is the problem you’re working on, especially when bouldering when you don’t have anything preventing you from falling. Climbing gyms are super social, and it’s always great to get some tips on how to climb a route I’m stuck on. The gym I go to also has really great programming for queer people like me to meet other queer people through climbing.” —Liv D., 27

8. Find a noisy but low-pressure location. 

“There are a lot of sounds that are always happening in a café, so I don’t feel self-conscious when I make noise too, like I might in a library. Even if I don’t talk to people there other than ordering a drink, it makes me feel more connected to the community and others to be in that space where other people are also working.” —Erika K., 26

9. Visit with your favorite vendors often. 

“I love farmers markets, especially if they’re outdoors. When I’m there, I have lots of positive social interactions, and I return home with nourishing local bounty. I’ve found that consistency and location is key for me. With farmers markets, the more often you go, the more likely vendors will recognize you, and you can start building relationships. If you find a market that is close by, it can be incorporated into your daily or weekly routine.”  —Kirsten S., 42

The bottom line: Once you nail down a spot to hang around, take baby steps by going with a friend first if you feel nervous. After you know the vibes, you can decide if you’d be OK going alone. If you’re down to forge ahead in that spot, return solo (or with an emotional support book if needed). Just try not to bury your head in your phone or a project that sends out “I’m not here to make friends” signals. When you’re ready, you can build up to smiling when you walk in, saying hi to people, or making small talk with someone who looks friendly. Remember: comfort is built over time and through experience, Dr. Kirmayer says. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Are Third Places the Cure for Loneliness? appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 04.29.24

12 Self-Help Books That Are Actually Helpful for BIPOC Folks

Your bookshelf could really use these. ByJessica Estrada

As a self-professed self-help book junkie, I’ve read many—emphasis on many—books intended to level-up my life. And a lot of them quite literally did. To anyone who will listen: The genre is a great addition to any mental fitness routine. I stand by that. They bring self-awareness, actionable advice, practical tools, exercises, and thought-provoking journal prompts. With their help, I’ve been able to navigate life challenges, grow, and heal. Win-win-win. I love this for me. 

However. After devouring a few self-help books, I quickly noticed one major thing missing: inclusivity. Many self-help books don’t recognize, understand, or address the unique experiences and struggles that Black, Indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC) face. “There are nuances and stories that non-BIPOC authors do not have access to or cannot understand simply because they do not hold that intersectional identity,” explains Jenny Wang, PhD, a licensed psychologist and author of Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans. This, in turn, can make the reader feel invalidated, alienated, and like you’re not actually learning anything helpful. 

Personal growth books written by BIPOC authors can offer insights that are more relatable to BIPOC folks, which can make readers feel like they’re truly seen and less alone, says licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD. 

So if you’re looking for a new personal development book that gets what you’ve been through, these therapist-approved gems are all written by BIPOC authors and offer guidance that hits home in a way that’s empowering and validating.

The post 12 Self-Help Books That Are Actually Helpful for BIPOC Folks appeared first on Wondermind.

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15 Surprising Ways to Get Out of a Funk

You got this. ByAmy Marturana Winderl

Everybody has those days: When you just feel downright blah and can’t figure out how to snap out of it. You’re not depressed or dealing with any other specific mental health concern; you’re just in an absolute funk. If anyone needs you, they can find you lying around and sulking for the foreseeable future.

Sometimes, if you really sit and reflect, you can pinpoint the culprits contributing to your down-in-the-dumps mood. Burnout, feeling stuck in a dead-end job, relationship woes, being far from loved ones, and carrying a crushing weight of responsibilities on your shoulders are all biggies, says clinical psychologist Marilisa Morea, PsyD, owner and director of Monarch Therapy and Wellness Center in Thornhill, Ontario. Other times, it may seem like you’ve got no reason to feel like garbage—yet, you just do. 

This emotional state is a very normal reaction to the human experience, says therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, an adjunct professor at New York University. “A funk can be difficult to snap out of because it’s something that usually feels uncomfortable for most people, so they would rather just avoid or distract themselves from the feeling altogether, which actually prolongs getting out of it.” 

So, what can you do to take back control and shoo away those rain clouds above your head? Dr. Flowers suggests first taking a cue from nature and reminding yourself that this, too, shall pass. “We have different seasons for a reason—nothing blooms year round, and that includes ourselves. This can serve as a simple reminder to yourself that your season of being in a funk is temporary and will change to something more favorable in due time.”

Then, try one of these creative suggestions from experts and real people who found ways to pull themselves out of a funk.  

1. Start by taking care of just your basic needs.

“Check in on the basics first when you are feeling low or meh. A few things to ask yourself: Have you been getting enough sleep? Are you paying attention to your feelings? Are you nourishing yourself with healthy, energizing foods and are you moving your body? If we haven’t been paying attention to our physical and mental health, we can start to feel the funk.” —Babita Spinelli, LP, licensed psychotherapist and psychoanalyst

2. Do literally anything else.

“My natural tendency when I’m down is to go inward or to impulsively do feel-good things, like eat, drink, or shop. What I do now is embrace the suck of whatever the situation may be and force myself to pause. Then I just make a change. I might go for a walk or a run, or take an unscheduled break and meet up with a friend for something fun and creative. Or I’ll listen to a short mediation through the Peloton app or do a short ride. If I am at the coworking space, I’ll chat with someone. It’s all about a change of pace or a change of scenery. Even better if sunlight is an option. ” —Ruth F., 57

3. Just move.

“Movement for me encourages aligning my mind and body in the present moment. I’ve practiced (and ignored) this for so many years and the majority of the time, when I’m feeling stuck, frustrated, tired, or ‘meh’ and I move (especially outdoors) I feel more in tune with myself, light but more grounded, less reactive, and a sense of connection overall.” —July Z., 43

4. Reflect on the good.

“I keep a gratitude journal at work that I write in occasionally. When I’m not feeling great, I write down three things I’m grateful for and it really does help to perk me up and put me in a more positive headspace.” —Jillian G., 34

5. Have an anti-funk playlist.

“I have a couple of playlists of songs that put me in a good mood, so when I’m feeling down, I play one of those. The first is more pump-up fancy (think: Bastille, Katy Perry), and the second is more like ‘I wanna rock like a baby and belt out the songs’ (think: Hozier, Vance Joy).” —Julie M., 33

6. Go on a solo coffee date.

“My college friends and I always said that going out for a cup of coffee was about the experience, not so much the coffee. That still rings true for me today. I often grab a coffee after I drop my son at school, before I begin the work day, or if we’re home I go out to grab a cup before sitting back down to focus. I also used to do this midday if I needed a break before coming back to my desk. It gets me up and out, and it’s a little ‘me’ time—something I’m doing just for myself—amidst the chaos of my day that’s often focused around everyone else. I find it as an opportunity to take a break and then get back to work, or take a break and reflect on whatever I might be dealing with that day.” —Kerry H., 32

7. Shift your focus to others.

“I recommend not making your funk about you. This can be done by shifting your focus outward towards volunteering, donating something to those in need, or otherwise reflecting on how you can feel a feeling—without being the feeling. Taking an active approach to ‘externalize’ your feelings (without avoiding them) makes it much less likely that you will remain in the downward momentum of a funk for very long.” —Dr. Flowers

8. Head straight to the massage table. Do not pass go.

“When I’m feeling blah, I take myself for a massage at a no-frills location. I think it’s $50 for an hour massage that literally melts my stress away (for one hour at least).” —Zoe B., 33

9. Host a low-effort gathering.

“Inviting friends over for something fun and different always helps shake me out of a funk. That might mean having people over for lunch and getting out the dishes and glassware I never use, throwing a dessert-only party, or hosting a pizza night where each person or couple brings their favorite pizza and everyone gets to take home a takeout container with leftovers. I like finding ways to have low-effort get-togethers when everyone just needs to get out!” —Jayne N., 65

10. Reorganize or redecorate.

“Sometimes you just need to mix things up. Give your space a new paint job, declutter, organize, and put out things that offer calm and inspiration. Put away or get rid of things that keep you stuck in the past or are taking up unnecessary space. Releasing old things that might be holding you back lets you allow for new and more positive things to enter your space.” —Dr. Morea

11. Cry it out.

“I listened to a podcast a few months ago about how important it is to allow yourself to feel your feelingsq, and I’ve had a few emotionally charged moments recently. I decided during the last few to just let myself feel the thing all the way through to crying, or whatever physical thing I needed. Usually it’s high-energy cardio or other physical exertion, but the last time I just opened up to feeling the sadness and the tears came. I always feel better after crying and allowing myself to fully process an emotion.” —Lauren A., 36

12. Get outside, preferably near a body of water.

“Being outdoors and breathing fresh air increases serotonin and can help get us out of a funk. It also provides perspective that there is something bigger and more powerful. Being in nature also has a calming effect on the mind and body. Walking on the beach, swimming in a body of water, or even just watching the waves is also very therapeutic and can shift our mood. I love to take long walks by the ocean while listening to my favorite songs if I find myself in a bit of a funk.” —Spinelli

13. Sauna, hydrate, repeat.

“Often when I’m stressed or feeling overwhelmed I’ll spend the Sunday at my favorite day spa where I’ll start off with the lower temperature saunas and work my way up—doing intervals of 10 to 15 minutes in the sauna and then 30 minutes of relaxing, reading a book, and hydrating. I’ll cycle through five to six times throughout the day. The combination of sweating and relaxing makes me just feel so good and refreshed. Also, I always sleep like a baby that night.” —Elie O., 33

14. Do a tech detox.

“For me to truly take a break, I have to turn everything off. As a small business owner I’m literally always on, and it can be draining to maintain. If I’m relaxing after dinner and watching a movie, I’m checking my emails (I’m sure others are guilty of this). So whenever I feel stressed or anxious, I intentionally block time off in my calendar and my mind as a time to be offline. I basically will just use my phone for the alarm and then try to leave it in another room for the day or the weekend. If I can’t do a full day, I’ll do a morning or evening, and it gives me the opportunity that I need to reset. It always feels so great and makes me want to trade it all in for a beeper or snail mail.” —Meagan C., 33

15. Try something that scares you a little. 

“Doing something wildly out of my comfort zone always helps me snap out of a funk. Some past examples include: taking a pilates reformer class that almost broke me, painting a piece of furniture with zero DIY experience, booking a solo trip (and going zip-lining through the jungle on said trip). Whatever it is, even if I end up hating it or being bad at it, I still get a sense of satisfaction out of trying something that I normally would shy away from. It’s a great way to remind yourself that you can do hard things.” —Casey G., 35 

The post 15 Surprising Ways to Get Out of a Funk appeared first on Wondermind.