Pro Tips Link Copied 07.25.24

28 Self-Love Affirmations That Won’t Make You Feel Like a Fraud

Being delulu can only take you so far. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

Practicing self-love in a world that demands a lot of us isn’t easy. At school or work, we’re asked to go above and beyond to succeed. At home, we may have people, animals, or things that depend on our care—even if it’s just a pile of dirty laundry. All of that can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, depleted, and like you’ll never be enough. That’s where self-love affirmations come in.

As a mental health therapist and affirmation pro (no, for real, I write books full of affirmations), I am here to say that you’re more than enough, no matter what slander your negative thoughts spread. 

If you’re not familiar, self-love affirmations (or any kind of affirmation really) are positive statements you can use as a healthy coping mechanism when life gets you down. These little phrases flip the script on the rude lies you tell yourself or limiting beliefs you subscribe to. Ultimately, kicking off an affirmation practice can help you improve your mental fitness, reconnect with who you are, and start believing in yourself again when your insecurity is raging. You’ll likely find that, yes, you are incredible and unstoppable.

It’s not even that hard. You can incorporate affirmations into your routine by repeating them to yourself in the mirror as you get ready, at your desk, or in your car. If you want to really dig in, set aside a block of time to concentrate on them, quietly writing them down or repeating them out loud to yourself or just in your mind. You can use affirmations as soon as you wake up, during a break in your day, or before you go to bed. Ultimately, the best way to use self-love affirmations is whatever way works for you. That could be every day or as needed to increase your self-esteem. 

When you add affirmations into your self-care strategies, you’ll quickly start to see the effects of speaking positively to yourself. Your self-love will get a boost, you’ll prioritize your needs more easily, and find it easier to help those who need you. 

Sounds amazing, right? Well, the catch is this: In order to be effective, your affirmations need to be realistic. Unfortunately, they won’t work if you don’t actually believe they’re true. 

And that’s where I come in. If you’re ready to get started, here are 28 affirmations that feel down to earth and pragmatic enough for your Debbie downer mindset to accept. Plus, they’re specific to whatever struggle you’re going through. 

As always, choose what works for you, leave the rest, and prepare yourself for some serious self-love. 

When you’re comparing yourself to others

It’s true, comparison is the thief of joy. Still, comparing your looks, life, or aesthetic to others feels unavoidable when social media delivers your high school classmates’ lives straight to your eyeballs. Three kids? New car? Fourth vacation this year? Cool.

But, remember, you don’t know the full story. Everybody’s life has a hard part to it. That’s why it’s best to trust your life’s path and focus on your journey. Your life is yours and nobody else’s—so it deserves your full attention. When you’re stuck in a social media comparison trap (or any kind), use these affirmations to see yourself out.

1. I trust that what’s meant for me will not miss me.
2. My life’s path is uniquely designed for me.
3. Comparing myself to others distracts me from my life’s purpose.
4. I will not envy other people’s lives, as I don’t know the full story.
5. I choose to see the good in my life and trust its journey.
6. My life’s story is still unfolding, and I will not allow comparison to steal my joy.
7. I choose not to judge where I am in life.

When you’re feeling unmotivated 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by life. We’ve all been in that place where it feels impossible to do anything productive or positive, and you can’t predict when it will strike. Whether you’re in a depressive funk, burned out, or just took a couple Ls, try not to let any of these hurdles hold you back. Instead, be gentle with yourself and use these realistic self-love affirmations to inspire self-care and a bit more confidence.

1. I deserve the same love and appreciation I show others.
2. I am capable of tapping into my inner confidence.
3. Doing what feels right for me is OK.
4. I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
5. My mindset can help me reach my goals.
6. I release the negative thoughts that are holding me back.
7. My past does not dictate what my future will be.

When you’re going through a stressful time

In the thick of it, taking care of yourself is probably the last thing on your mind. Self-love? Don’t know her. But to prevent yourself from spiraling deeper into stress-induced emotional despair, you’ll need to make time for yourself and some positive self-talk. Even if you’ve just got two minutes, take a deep breath and repeat one of these self-love affirmations.

1. I will get through this hard time as best as I can.
2. I inhale peace and exhale stress, anxiety, and all the things that are bothering me.
3. Making time for myself in the midst of my stressors is a priority.
4. This feeling is temporary, and I will be at ease again soon.
5. I am in control of my reactions to stressful situations.
6. I deserve rest even when I’m stressed.
7. I will not believe the lies my anxiety tells me.

When work is a lot right now

Most of us have work, coworkers, clients, deadlines, and other tasks that have to be handled in order to pay our bills. But when our job is becoming a little too much, it can impact every area of our lives. If you’re in one of those seasons where the 9-to-5 feels like nonstop nonsense, it’s time to pull out the self-love affirmations so you can finish the week feeling just a little better than when it started. 

1. I am confident in my abilities to complete all my tasks.
2. This job provides me with the means to take care of myself.
3. I am grateful for my job, even when it’s pissing me off.
4. My efforts at work are more than enough.
5. Each day is a new opportunity for me to achieve greatness.
6. I will try to be patient and understanding with difficult situations.
7. I do not have to respond with urgency to everything at work.

The post 28 Self-Love Affirmations That Won’t Make You Feel Like a Fraud appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.23.24

33 Very Good Reminders for When You’re Feeling Lonely

If you’ve been impacted by the “loneliness epidemic,” welcome. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

There are so many reasons why you might feel lonely. Maybe you’re physically alone a lot or just geographically distant from your friends and family. But those aren’t the only things that trigger loneliness. Getting the sense that you can’t express yourself or that you’re misunderstood can make you feel lonely, as can the fear of missing out. 

Of course, that’s not an exhaustive list, but the point is that loneliness can happen to anyone at any time. And when it does, you can feel sad and disappointed with your reality, anxious, like a reluctant loner, and even envious of people who have tight connections. 

As a therapist who primarily works with adults experiencing depression and anxiety, I’ve seen this play out plenty of times. I mean, loneliness is so common that, in 2023, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services declared that we’re in an “epidemic of loneliness.” Joy. 

Dealing with loneliness can be tricky. 

When you’re feeling lonely, it can be tempting to sink deeper into it. Solitude typically calls for dimming the lights and queuing up your favorite tearjerker (hi again, This Is Us) or playlist (a little Lana Del Rey and Frank Ocean for good measure). It can feel cathartic to radically accept our lonely fate. It can also feel like the easiest option, especially compared to reaching out for help or saying what’s on your mind. In the end, though, becoming too familiar with loneliness can lead to isolation, negative self-talk, depression, low self-esteem, and feeling kinda empty and stuck. 

On the flip side, you might be the type to push away uncomfortable feelings, like loneliness, and pretend they don’t exist. That might look like constantly distracting yourself with endless screen time or surrounding yourself with people who aren’t good for you (maybe you don’t even like them) just so you can have company. But avoiding or ignoring loneliness means you’re not feeling your feelings and investigating what might help pull you out of this mindset. Say, calling your best friend once a week or joining a rec league if you hate going home to a quiet apartment after work?

So, what can you do?

There is a balance to be had here. To deal with loneliness in a healthy way, try to acknowledge it without internalizing it or getting bogged down by all the sad emotions. When thoughts like, Why does everyone hate me? or I’ll never find people who understand me, so why try? come up, take time to confront these feelings, give yourself a healthy dose of self-compassion, and create a plan of action and connection. 

And, no, combating loneliness doesn’t always have to involve throwing yourself into a pickleball league or texting a bunch of friends until someone responds. One way to not feel as lonely on your own is by giving yourself a pep talk and countering your negative self-talk with more compassionate affirmations. These brief encouraging statements have helped me and my clients pull ourselves out of many a funk. They can remind us that it’s possible to feel more positive (or even neutral) emotions and empower us to make healthy changes to feel better. 

If it feels awkward and forced to look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re awesome and worthy and fun to be around, maybe you just haven’t found the right mantra to validate and navigate your lonely feels. Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty. Here’s a virtual hug and some reminders that you can read, set as your screensaver, or say aloud to help you emerge from your solitude and maybe even learn from it. 

1. It’s OK if feeling lonely makes you sad. These feelings are valid, but they’re also temporary. 
2. Sometimes feeling isolated is an opportunity to reflect on the types of connections you truly crave.
3. You are not alone in feeling lonely.
4. You haven’t met all the people who are going to love and support you yet. And that’s a beautiful thing. 
5. If going out and ~finding community~ is the last thing you want to do right now, that’s totally fair. Give yourself grace and patience. 
6. You are unique and deserve to be surrounded by others who recognize and celebrate that.
7. Someone out there is waiting to find a friend like you. 
8. You are allowed to reach out for professional support—even when you’re “just” feeling lonely.
9. It’s OK to miss people…
10. …and it’s OK to tell people you miss them. 
11. Let go of the unhelpful and untrue idea that nobody cares about you.
12. Sometimes our loneliness can be what drives us toward deep and meaningful connections.  
13. You can always treat yourself with the same love and affection you desire from another person.
14. Your presence is missed when you are not around. 
15. Sometimes, you might be misunderstood, but the right people will always get you.
16. Platonic relationships can also have depth and emotional intimacy.  
17. Embracing time alone allows you to learn and grow as a person.
18. You are not a burden for wanting people in your life to show up for you in the best way that they can. Ask for their help. 
19. It’s better to be single than in a relationship that’s not aligned with your true self and values. 
20. If your current circle isn’t serving you, you’re allowed to seek out new connections. 
21. Your value isn’t determined by your relationship status.
22. Being your own best friend is a true talent, and there’s no better time to practice than right now.
23. It’s OK to be hurt when people disappoint you—even when you know that it has nothing to do with you.  
24. Prioritize the friendships that make you feel good. 
25. Be thankful for the people in your life who allow you to be unapologetically you.
26. Loneliness won’t last forever, and you will get through this. 
27. Craving connection is natural—not needy. 
28. Feeling lonely shouldn’t mean accepting less than you normally would or compromising your values. 
29. Connections don’t need to be deep and long-lasting to be meaningful. Don’t discount the power of casual acquaintances.
30. It can be empowering to choose solitude instead of socializing with people that make you feel bad.  
31. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. 
32. Time spent learning more about yourself and what excites you is never wasted time. 
33. You’ve made it through lonely spells before, and you sure as hell can do it again.

The post 33 Very Good Reminders for When You’re Feeling Lonely appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 12.22.23

27 Realistic Affirmations for Anyone Who Isn’t OK Right Now

New year, same struggle. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

*Ominous voice* New Year’s Eve is coming. And if 2023 was very much not your year, it can be really hard to get psyched about what’s next. Instead of setting lofty resolutions, you might just be struggling to get by thanks to grief, unfinished 2023 goals, anxiety that won’t quit, or any other misfortune. So, let’s have a chat about how to navigate 2024 NYE stress with realistic affirmations that don’t sugar-coat your shitshow of a year. 

If you’re new here, I’m a licensed therapist and your resident affirmations girlie. Hell, I even wrote a book filled with them, and I’ve got another one on the way. So yeah, I know a thing or two about how these positive (or sometimes neutral) statements can carry you through dark times, like New Year’s. While affirmations aren’t magic, regularly repeating them (aloud, in your mind, or in a journal) can validate your feelings, help you feel less alone in your struggle, and encourage you to crawl out of whatever funk you’re in. They’re an easily accessible tool to add to your self-care kit, and they can serve as regular reminders that you deserve peace and that happiness is just around the corner. 

[Doing too much? Reset your mindset by signing up for Wondermind’s 7-Day Do-Less Challenge!]

So, if you’re ready to say good riddance to 2023 but nervous about what 2024 has in store, here are some realistic affirmations that will make you feel seen and address some not-so-fun emotions you might be experiencing as the year comes to an end. 

For anyone dealing with a loss

While the end of year should be reserved for enjoying festive lights and watching Andy Cohen tell it like it is on NYE, December can also bring up overwhelming feelings of loss. Instead of sporting matching PJs, you might be grieving a broken engagement. Instead of gathering around a table of delicious food, you might’ve just buried a loved one. Instead of knocking out holiday shopping, maybe you’re dealing with the financial consequences of a “company restructuring.” Jerks. No matter the situation, it’s normal if you’re not feeling the holiday spirit and are wondering, What’s there to look forward to in the new year anyway? 

As you grieve, it’s important to honor your feelings and have grace for yourself as you weather life’s changes and gather your emotional strength. If you’re mourning something or someone, these affirmations might help. 

1. I am gentle with myself as I adjust to life after loss. 
2. Grief has no timeline, so I will be patient with myself. 
3. This is the end of a chapter that meant a lot to me, but there’s still joy ahead.
4. I release judgment of my emotions and call in compassion. 
5. The way I feel is normal, and I honor my emotions. 
6. It is OK for me to experience happiness in the midst of my pain. 
7. The hurt I feel from my loss is temporary, because things will get better. 

For anyone who’s bummed about not completing their goals

It’s that time of the year where you look back at the goals you set 12 months ago and think, Who said that? As much as we hate to admit it, many of us create resolutions at the top of the year and don’t keep any of them. But you know what? That’s OK. (You don’t need six new outdoorsy hobbies anyway.) But what’s not cool is you feeling like a failure or comparing yourself to others who seemingly accomplished their goals. It’s better to embrace life as it happens than to obsess over resolutions you ditched. 

To help you manage the self-loathing and shame that can come with not being where you want to be, keep these affirmations nearby.

1. I have the power to reach my goals when I am ready. 
2. What I do or don’t accomplish does not define my self-worth. 
3. My life’s journey is uniquely designed for me. 
4. There is no expiration date on my goals. 
5. I reject the need to compare myself to others. 
6. A new year gives me another chance to complete my goals. 

For anyone who feels hopeless about basically everything

Raise your hand if you’re tired of living though historic events that shock your system and leave you feeling defeated. Same. It basically feels like the entire world is in shambles at all times and there’s little we can do on an individual level to fix it. (That’s not actually true, but it can feel like it is.) Meanwhile, you could also be going through your own personal hell, which just adds to that existing hopeless feeling. 

If you’re emotionally maxed out while others around you are hyped about 2024 (damn, what’s that like?), try to find some solace in knowing that it’s understandable if you’re not feeling celebratory and don’t know how to fix *gestures wildly* all this. To help you push through and regain a bit of hope, lean on these affirmations.

1. I deserve to have a life that I love. 
2. My best is more than enough. 
3. I’m living through unprecedented times, and it’s OK if I’m struggling to keep up. 
4. I welcome new opportunities and people that bring me joy. 
5. Giving up on myself is not an option. 
6. I must prioritize myself, because it helps me to feel better. 
7. Hopelessness no longer has a home in my heart. 
8. In time, I will find a path to contentment. 

For anyone who feels anxiety creeping in 

While the new year can signal new opportunities and possibly the best year of your life thus far, it could also mean new problems or continuing whatever dumpster fire you’re currently in. The potential for a garbage year can cause anxiety to do a number on you by giving you bubble guts (ah, just what you need for a NYE bash), wreaking havoc on your mind, and causing your perfectionism to flare up. Letting anxiety win isn’t an option, so try making a commitment to building resilience and facing obstacles with more courage in 2024. For some peace of mind, you already know what to do with these affirmations.

1. My anxiety is temporary, and I am safe. 
2. Being anxious about my future is normal, but I won’t let anxiety dictate my every move. 
3. I let go of the things I can’t control and embrace freedom. 
4. I’m inhaling peace and exhaling those anxious BS thoughts. 
5. I am at ease with what’s to come in the new year. 
6. I trust that I can handle any future obstacles. 

The post 27 Realistic Affirmations for Anyone Who Isn’t OK Right Now appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 07.27.23

35 Daily Affirmations for Whatever You’re Going Through

Be the hype you want to see in the world. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

Whether or not you’ve practiced affirmations before, you’ve probably heard about how these short (usually positive, sometimes neutral) phrases are supposed to do wonders for your mental health. As a mental health pro and affirmations stan (seriously, I wrote a whole book on them, y’all), I’m here to tell you this mental fitness exercise has many benefits, and it’s worth making daily affirmations a regular part of your wellness routine. 

Daily affirmations can help you get into a headspace that’s ready to tackle whatever’s bugging you or offer some validation, confidence, and encouragement to yourself, which we all need every now and then. Regularly overcome with road rage on your daily commute? Great time for a level headed affirmation like, “These jerks’ failure to signal will not make me drive like a fool in response.” Tired of your roommate’s passive-aggressiveness? An affirmation like, “I deserve to live in a peaceful home with someone who respects me,” can help get you through while you scour every Facebook housing group at night. You get the point. 

That said, affirmations aren’t a magic wand you can wave to fix all your problems or make serious conditions like depression *poof* and disappear. Affirmations are just one tool in your mental health toolkit, and you still have to take care of yourself in other ways by doing things like going to the doctor, surrounding yourself with good people, or using other healthy coping tricks for dealing with the sucky parts of life. 

Of course, the affirmation that’ll be best for you depends on your current mood and whatever you’re facing. To make your life a little easier, here are 35 daily affirmations for some big emotions you might be feeling, from sad and lonely to stuck and even happy. Feel free to take any of these and repeat them to yourself in the mirror, at your desk, or in your car. You can even write them down in your Notes app or journal if saying them aloud feels weird. Bon appétit!

For anyone feeling extra lonely. 

Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things—one is just a fact or circumstance, and the other can be an uncomfortable feeling to sit with. Not only can loneliness make you feel isolated from your friends, family, co-workers, or the rest of the world, but it can also make you feel like you have to do this thing called life all on your own. Needless to say, that’s not a fun way to live or feel. If you’re struggling with loneliness, whether you’re surrounded by people or not, use these affirmations to help you push through this time and open yourself up to new or deeper social links. 

1. My feelings of loneliness will pass.
2. There are people in my life who want to support me.
3. I am open to building new connections with others.
4. The power to create strong and healthy relationships is within me.
5. I can find peace in the midst of my loneliness.

For anyone who’s feeling gloomy. 

Raise your hand if you’d rather be happy than sad. Yep, I thought so. As much as we might try to hack our feelings, sadness is part of being human and dealing with tough experiences, like losing a loved one, moving away, and even watching Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again—again. But even though it’s normal, that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. Sadness can make you feel utterly exhausted and like you can’t bother to seek out the light at the end of this dark tunnel. It can even cloud your head with negative thoughts, which also makes it difficult to connect to positive emotions or actions, like laughing at your bestie’s jokes. While pulling yourself out of a sad patch may take some mental elbow grease, these affirmations can help you get through your sadness and put things into perspective when needed. 

1. I am allowed to feel sad.
2. Being open with others about feeling sad makes me stronger.
3. I am doing my best to manage my sadness.
4. My sadness does not define me; it encourages me to take care of myself.
5. I choose not to believe the lies of sadness, and I know each day is a fresh start.

For anyone who’s honestly about to lose it. 

Whether you’re a hotheaded fire sign or are just mad at yourself, someone else, or a crappy situation, it’s important to know that anger is a secondary emotion. Basically, there are usually other feelings or circumstances that are fanning the flames of anger, like when you’re hangry because you just need a snack. Of course, getting to the bottom of those other emotions can be tough too, so as you work on pinpointing what you’re really mad about (free tips here!), use these affirmations to de-escalate your mood and get more curious about why you’re feeling this way.

1. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry.
2. I am open to what my anger is trying to tell me about myself.
3. My anger does not always have to result in a strong reaction.
4. I inhale in peace and exhale anger.
5. How I choose to express my anger is my responsibility.

For anyone who’s actually loving life right now. 

I mean, is there anything better than walking through life, feeling like you have Pharrell’s “Happy” playing on a loop in your mind? When you’re happy, you’re much more likely to savor the joys of life and feel better about yourself and your place in the world. But since life is filled with ups and downs, sometimes, you may get suspicious of your happiness—waiting for something bad to happen. To get ahead of that anxiety, practice these affirmations and keep the good vibes going. 

1. I deserve to live a happy and healthy life.
2. I no longer wait for something bad to ruin my happiness.
3. I am allowed to prioritize my happiness.
4. I create my own version of happiness every day. 
5. I choose to let go of the things that no longer make me happy.

For anyone who’s dealing with negative self-talk. 

As much as we might hate to admit it, we all feel insecure from time to time. Even the people on Instagram you hate follow for their seemingly perfect lives struggle with confidence! If you’ve ever battled self-esteem issues, you know that insecurities can lead to constant comparison, hurting other people, and feeling like you can’t live the life you want. Because we all—yup, you too!—deserve to feel better than that, here are a few confidence-boosting affirmations to help pick your self-esteem up off the floor. 

1. I am proud of who I am becoming.
2. My “failures” don’t define me.
3. I have the ability to accomplish anything I want.
4. My insecurities do not define my self-worth
5. I have compassion for the insecure version of myself.

For anyone who needs a stress ball STAT. 

Most of us are stressed AF on a regular basis. From dealing with job searches to trying to squeeze in some daily mindful movement to having to schedule your own doctor’s appointments because your mom says you’re an adult now (rude)—it’s a lot. And along with that stress often comes anxiety and overwhelm. When you’re in this frazzled state of mind, it’s so easy to think that these pesky feelings will last forever, but please take my professional word for it: They won’t. Like all feelings, stress can fade away. So the next time you find yourself stressed out and thinking this is just what you have to deal with until the end of time, take a deep breath and repeat one of these affirmations.

1. I always make it through these tough moments.
2. I will not allow what is stressing me out to ruin my entire day.
3. I am choosing to focus on things that bring me peace.
4. I give myself permission to release my anxious thoughts.
5. I trust that I will be able to move past all of this stress.

For anyone who could use some change. 

If you’ve ever felt stuck in your current situation or mood, you know how frustrating it can be to want better (or, at the very least, different) for yourself but not be able to get there right away. In these moments, it can help to get specific about what you really want and what’s best for you to reignite your motivation. Plus, having that guiding light, it makes it easier to identify what concrete steps you actually need to take to make a change. To help you navigate the range of thoughts and emotions that often accompany feeling stuck, keep these handy. 

1. Choosing to start over does not mean that I have failed.
2. I owe it to myself to discover what I am passionate about.
3. My life choices only need to make sense to me.
4. There is no rush in figuring out how to move forward with my life.
5. I trust that the things that are aligned with me will find me.

The post 35 Daily Affirmations for Whatever You’re Going Through appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 04.26.23

How to Make Positive Affirmations That Actually Work for You

Because we could all use a realistic pep talk once in a while. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

If you could stand to bring a little more healthy self-talk and understanding into your world but rarely relate to the generic clichés that everyone seems to keep repeating (please cut it with the “I attract abundance” line!), then you’ve come to the right place. As a therapist and author of Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal, creating positive affirmations, or quick and uplifting statements that boost your mental well-being, is my jam. 

In my experience, a solid affirmation ritual can be a game-changer for your confidence and overall outlook on life. These pep talks can help us see how awesome we are, the greatness we’re capable of, and that there’s always something to be grateful for or look forward to—even when life is a dumpster fire. 

But when you just pick a random affirmation you found on Pinterest because it sounds cute, you’re missing out on the mental health benefits that come from an affirmation that’s created for your exact circumstances. That could be because you don’t fully believe that you’re ~attracting abundance~ or because an annoyingly cheery statement doesn’t mesh with your glass-half-empty personality (no shame!). But when you craft an affirmation that’s specific to your life and where you’re at right now, it’s way easier to internalize the message.  

Before we get into affirmation boot camp, a few important caveats: Affirmations are not an instant fix-all for your problems and insecurities. Think of them as one tool for managing your emotions in a healthy way over time. Also, if you’re navigating a big mental health concern like depression, where your self-esteem and motivation may be at their lowest, you already know it can be hard to believe whatever positive words you’re repeating. So give yourself some grace and keep in mind that affirmations aren’t a substitute for mental health care (no matter what you saw on Instagram).

With all that said, affirmations are a worthy addition to your mental health toolkit when used properly, so here are nine tips to help get you started.    

1. Start by picking an area of your life you want to focus on. 

The first step to creating your own affirmation is thinking about one specific area of your life that could use a little extra love and attention. Is it your thoughts about your body? Maybe it’s how your job is making you feel. Or could it be how you feel like crap when people share their good news with you? Whatever it is, keep that in mind.  

Trust me, honing in on one mental health issue or one life concern is way more manageable and less discouraging than zooming in on all the things that bug you at one time. The latter can feel overwhelming and zap the energy you need to do the things that boost your well-being, like practicing affirmations and the actions you should pair with them (more on that later). Also, it can be really hard to create an affirmation that addresses every area of your life you want to change (hence why those generic Pinterest ones tend to miss the mark).

2. Then find an outcome that’ll make you happy. 

Once you know what you want to work on, you can figure out what change would make you feel better. If you’re focusing on your jealous streak, life might feel more chill if you could stop comparing your situation to your friends’ when they share good news with you, right?

Once you have a change in mind, think about whether it’s realistic. Having a goal—any goal—is great, but if it feels doable, you’ll be more motivated to work toward it using affirmations. If being happy for your friends without judging your own life feels literally impossible, try on another related goal, like celebrating with your pal even if the news makes you feel a little weird about your life. 

One way to test if your goal is realistic is by envisioning yourself achieving it. Can you see yourself cheering for your friend and making time to process the news in your journal later? If you focus on that second, more realistic goal, then your affirmations won’t feel like a waste of time. They’ll remind you that you’re capable of improving your outlook. 

3. Channel your best self. 

Now that you have a goal in mind, it’s time to work on a statement that aligns with the thing you want to do or the person you want to become. That statement should come from the perspective of your future evolved self. If thinking like your ideal self sounds impossible, imagine tapping into an alter ego—one with tons of self-assurance, like Beyoncé in her Sasha Fierce era. 

Let’s say you’re struggling in your toxic workplace, feeling overworked and underappreciated. Still, you’re finding it hard to leave because you’re not sure if you can hack it somewhere else. Your ideal future self, who is more content with their life and has a healthier work-life balance, would probably tell you that you’re worthy of much more. In this case, a great affirmation would be: I deserve a workplace that treats me with respect because my contributions are valuable and lead to the success of the company.

Even if you don’t feel that way right now, an affirmation like this (paired with visualizing yourself at a much better job) can help you channel a mindset that is linked to a happier you. And that can kickstart your goals and increase your self-confidence.

4. Go neutral if you need to. 

If those super positive statements feel like another impossible-to-meet expectation, forcing yourself to say them and believe them won’t help you. At best, they’ll go in one ear and out the other. At worst, saying those affirmations without believing them will make you feel like a failure.

My suggestion? Lower those expectations. Seriously, the bar can be on the ground here if that helps get you started. Using an affirmation like, Simply surviving the day is more than enough, can help you transition from a negative outlook to a neutral one. And, once you start to believe that, you can modify it to be more positive like, My work is consistently good, and I am a valuable part of my team. However long it takes to go from neutral to positive, don’t rush it.

5. Think about what you’d say to a friend. 

If we were as mean to our best friends as we are to ourselves, we probably wouldn’t be buds for long. And since it’s so easy for us to be our worst critics, borrowing a friend’s perspective can help us come up with affirmations that feel supportive.

Say you’re struggling with your identity, for example. You’d never tell a friend that their struggles are B.S. (unless they’re out here yelling about “reverse racism”). Because you love them and care about their feelings, you’d say they can use whatever label feels right and take all the time they need to figure it out. When you flip that back on yourself, your affirmation could look like: The identity I choose for myself is valid, and I am allowed to explore it.

6. Tag team it. 

When your ideal affirmation has something to do with the collective you belong to, like your racial identity or age group, it can be really helpful to connect with others who know the struggle. Even though it can feel sort of uncomfortable to reach out or make those connections for the first time, doing so can feel healing and less lonely than going solo.

For example, if you feel like you don’t fit society’s beauty standards and a recent romantic relationship left you feeling insecure, meeting up or chatting with people who look like you can feel validating. They can offer words of encouragement and help you see that you deserve better, even if it’s hard to believe that right now. 

By linking with your people, you can use your collective experiences to create a powerful affirmation like, I am beautiful, and people who look like me are capable of finding love and deserve to be loved. 

Side note: If you struggle to connect with others in the first place, try creating an affirmation that speaks to cultivating healthy relationships like, I am capable of finding supportive and loving friendships that affirm my identity.

7. Find a time and place to practice.

There’s no one-size-fits-all for doing affirmation work (or anything in this world), so try different methods to figure out what works for you. The biggest thing is that you choose a ritual that’s motivating and consistent. So, no, you don’t have to repeat it in the mirror every morning for it to work. 

Say you’re all about structure. You might like using a journal to regularly write your affirmation down a few times. If you’re not into handwriting, pull up your Notes app. If that feels like a lot, put ’em on a sticky note in your favorite corner of your home and check in with it when you hang out there. If you’re worried about your roommate or whoever judging your sticky note or morning check-in (you’re not alone), saying affirmations in the shower or right before bed might be more realistic. 

You can practice weekly, daily, or even every few hours if your affirmation is related to something that happens throughout the day. (Raise your hand if you gotta repeat I can handle whatever life throws at me when your work nemesis messages you.) Just make sure you can keep up with the cadence and do it often enough to remember your positive reminders. 

8. Remember: Multiple feelings can exist at once. 

Don’t get sucked into toxic positivity, aka the belief that no matter how horrible life is, you have to focus on the bright side. The best affirmations acknowledge what is going on in your world, emotionally and physically, while focusing on your future. That realistic perspective will help you move forward while holding space for all of the complicated feelings bubbling up.

So if you recently got out of a romantic situation that was not good for you, you can recognize the sadness of no longer being in a relationship or missing your ex while you also affirm, I deserve a relationship that makes me feel good. 

9. Check in with yourself. 

After about a month of practicing your affirmation, ask yourself how it’s going. Think about how you’re keeping up with the cadence you initially aimed for and what your favorite way to reflect on these affirmations is. If you’ve been practicing daily or weekly, has that been too much or too little for you? Have you noticed an improvement in your mood or behavior? Would it be helpful to repeat your affirmations more or less often? What adjustments would make this feel more worthwhile? 

At some point in your affirmation practice, you should go from repeating statements to making displayed actions that align with your goals. So instead of just repeating that your body is perfect as is and capable of so much, you might go out in that fire outfit you’ve been scared to wear or ride a bike around your neighborhood. Of course, that won’t happen overnight or even within the first month, especially if your affirmation is about something like accepting your body, which takes time to internalize. So be patient with yourself. The fact that you’re even making a commitment and trying to be a better friend to yourself is already something to celebrate.

The post How to Make Positive Affirmations That Actually Work for You appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.16.23

10 Affirmations for Black People to Level Up Your Mental Health

No generic pep talks here. ByOludara Adeeyo, LCSW

We could all use a little encouragement and positive thinking now and then, which is why affirmations, or brief encouraging statements that boost how you think and feel about yourself, can be a game changer for your mental health. If you’re already familiar with affirmations, you might be picturing someone standing in front of a mirror repeating phrases like, “I am beautiful,” or (if you spend too much time on TikTok) “I am the luckiest person in the world.” But the best affirmations go beyond generic statements and speak to your specific situation, helping you actually believe what you’re saying. And that’s crucial for people of marginalized communities, especially Black people. 

Because Black people face racism in so many aspects of our lives, that can lead to us feeling dehumanized and, in some cases, believing those racist views, which may increase our psychological distress, according to a 2021 study of 171 young African American women. Yet, as a mental health therapist, I believe in the power of the mind. I believe affirmations created specifically for Black people can help us combat the stress of enduring racism—racism that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says can impact our mental and physical health. 

Using affirmations that are unique to our experience can help us humanize ourselves and undo some of the damage of racism-related stress by addressing our unique history and current realities while affirming our futures. It can help us see the beauty within ourselves and all our potential, as I wrote in my book Affirmations for Black Women: A Journal. 

It’s true that you can’t affirmation your way out of interpersonal and systemic racism, but if you’re part of the Black community and looking for affirmations that resonate, here are 10 to remember when you need some extra encouragement.

1. I deserve to move through life with ease.

The Black experience includes the pains of oppression, but that doesn’t mean you have to struggle all the time. A life filled with ease is your ancestral right. Your ancestors and the generations before you did not break racial barriers for you to be stressed out every day. 

Truth is, it’s possible that you have internalized: Everything in my life is hard. There are plenty of reasons why this message can stick in our minds, like watching our people experience years of hardship and being made to feel that you have to work twice as hard to get half as far. Understandably, when you start to repeat these negative thoughts, your mental health can suffer, and you might even find yourself dealing with anxious thoughts and depression.

If you can relate, then consider saying this affirmation in the morning to call in a more peaceful life. You deserve it.

2. I reject societal standards that don’t align with me.

There are standards around everything in this world, especially when it comes to beauty, education, jobs, relationships, gender, sexuality, you name it. And if you don’t hit the milestones or fulfill the characteristics associated with these societal rules, you might judge yourself and question your self-worth. 

But when these unhelpful norms make you conform to standards you actually don’t agree with deep down, like contouring your “Jackson Five nostrils” just to fit a Eurocentric beauty ideal (no shade to the makeup peeps who love playing with products!), you start to sacrifice your values and vision for your life just to make other people more comfortable.    

As a single Black woman in her mid-30s, I had to let go of the marriage and children burden from my spirit. For so long, it was something I chased, making poor dating decisions out of desperation in hopes of skirting the harmful “bitter and lonely” stereotype about single Black women. But once I rejected this societal standard and accepted that my life—just the way it is—is beautiful, my mental health improved, and I found emotional freedom.

If you need help tapping into your inner voice and true values, use this affirmation to reconnect with yourself and get comfortable with rejecting societal pressure.

3. I give myself permission to create boundaries with family.

Creating boundaries is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your mental health, especially when it comes to dealing with family. This can be hard for Black people considering many of our family dynamics involve what therapists call “enmeshment.” In the case of families, that can mean parents leaning on the child for emotional support and hindering the kid’s independence (like one parent complaining about the other one to you and now you’re their unofficial therapist). If you often feel responsible for other people’s emotions, it’s definitely possible you had some of this going on growing up.

Plus, many of us grew up with strict parents who focused on obedience and used punishment to keep us in line. If this sounds like your childhood, then you probably learned to neglect your needs (like wanting to hang with friends or wanting physical safety, aka not be spanked) and do things to avert interacting with your parent’s emotional distress. 

But you deserve to set boundaries and protect your emotional and physical health, whether you still live under the same roof as your fam or not. For me, the hardest part was releasing the guilt and being honest about needing some distance from my loved ones, but it was so worth it. 

This affirmation can give you the encouragement and permission to begin creating boundaries with your family. Once you’re ready to make a boundary, this guide can help you figure out the specifics. 

4. I can use my voice to speak up for myself and others.

Your voice is the most powerful tool you have. For centuries, Black people have started movements that empowered our communities and created generational change (hello, Kimberlé Crenshaw, Marsha P. Johnson, Ida B. Wells, and Phill Wilson). 

It can be frightening to use your voice for good because you might be misunderstood, ignored, or seen as a threat simply because of your melanated skin. But! You gotta push past your fear and speak up at the sight of injustice. Whether it’s on a global scale or on an individual level, we can use our voice and spark positive change, no matter how many people try to silence us. 

Recognizing that you can advocate for yourself and others can also help build your self-confidence, so let this affirmation serve as a reminder of the power that lives within you.

5. I release feelings of shame around my identity. 

The world demonizes Black bodies for simply existing, and it can be tough not to internalize all the negative messages about us. But don’t make your haters’ lives easier by being ashamed of who you are. To be the best you, release any shame you have around any of your intersecting identities, like having dark skin or being trans. 

That can sound way easier said than done. So, to get started, forgive yourself for being ashamed of whatever it is that makes you, you. Next, take a deep breath and say, “I release feelings of shame around my identity” and visualize those negative thoughts floating away and making room for the positive thoughts that were tucked away. 

6. I won’t allow racism to distract me from my greatness.

“…The very serious function of racism is distraction,” said Black American novelist Toni Morrison in a 1975 keynote address at Portland State University. Racism wants you to believe that your life does not matter, that your culture is degenerate, that you’re not good enough, and that the way you were naturally created is despicable. Lies, lies, and more lies. 

Racism is a distraction because the powers that be (*cough* white supremacy *cough*) are threatened by all the good we can achieve if we had full access to resources. It would give us the ability to make anything happen. And while systemic racism does play a role in how we’re able to advance in society, you have to remember that we are just as deserving of life, freedom, happiness, and success as everyone else. Use this affirmation to commit to unlearning any lies you might believe about yourself because of racism and commit to being your best self.

7. I make time to process strong emotions.

As a community, Black people are often encouraged to suppress our feelings, deal with our traumas later (or never), and keep it pushing—it’s what we’ve had to do for generations. It makes sense that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” has become a popular saying in our community, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Not to scare you, but not making space to process your emotions can lead to trauma and other mental health consequences (like misusing substances to avoid processing your emotions) that can erode various aspects of your well-being. Stress, for example, can cause significant mental and physical health issues among Black people, suggests a 2018 review that examines the connection between stress, racism, and health disparities among African Americans. And, if left unchecked, stress can play a role in causing heart attacks and strokes, suggests a 2017 study on the link between stress and cardiovascular disease.

Repeating this affirmation can remind you of the importance of sitting with your feelings and working through them because the stakes are too high not to. 

8. I recognize rejection as protection and redirection.

As a Black person, you’re probably no stranger to being rejected based solely on the color of your skin. It hurts being let go from a job or broken up with, for example, and it can make you second guess your self-worth and increase self-doubt, anxiety, loneliness, or helplessness you might already feel. But it’s important that you don’t wallow in that feeling because it can discourage you from moving forward in your life. 

It might suck to go through, but rejection can also be viewed as protection and redirection. What may feel like a full-stop “no” from a job can mean “not yet” in some cases, or it might lead you somewhere you are celebrated and understood, not just tolerated. And getting brushed off by your crush or situationship can save you a lot of heartache and wasted time down the line when you realize they were never going to be able to give you the love you deserve. This affirmation can remind you that rejection is not the end of the road. 

9. I choose to find people who make me feel safe and supported.

When you have people in your corner who make you feel validated and understood, it’s easier to feel empowered in all aspects of your life. And creating a community of people who not only look like you but can relate to your lived experiences as a Black person will help you gain a sense of belonging, curb some loneliness, and feel safe and supported. 

At the end of the day, we all we got, so pull out this affirmation when you need to give yourself permission to let go of anybody who may be detrimental to your mental health and claim relationships with folks who make you feel seen.

10. I am grateful for the opportunity to live my truth.

Our ancestors had to go through a lot of injustices to see a change in this world and for us to be free and chase our dreams. Even though we know how far we’ve come, it’s still so easy to get caught up in what we don’t have or wish we had. But practicing gratitude can help you maintain a positive outlook, be thankful for what you have, and be open to receiving whatever comes your way. 

Repeat this affirmation to remind yourself of how grateful you are to be able to live your life however you see fit because our ancestors didn’t have this luxury. Embrace this opportunity to live your truth.

The post 10 Affirmations for Black People to Level Up Your Mental Health appeared first on Wondermind.