Stories Link Copied 11.25.24

18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health

One woman left an office job after her boss made her clean the toilets. #NoThanks. BySam Brodsky

If you’re on week 12 of asking your group chat, “Should I quit my job?” or you’ve secretly Googled, “quitting job for mental health,” during every shitty meeting, this one’s for you. 

Whether you’re overworked, your company culture is toxic as heck, or your job doesn’t align with what’s important to you, any of that can make you feel burnt to a crisp, says Christina Maslach, PhD, researcher on job burnout and professor of psychology (emerita) at the University of California, Berkeley. And while quiet quitting can sometimes buy you time, it’s probably not a long-term solution to a problematic workplace. 

Maybe you’re tempted to just suck it up and try a little conflict management until something better comes along, so here’s a friendly reminder: Burnout can snowball into negative self-esteem, anxiety, or depression, explains Dr. Maslach, coauthor of The Burnout Challenge: Managing People’s Relationships with Their Jobs. Your crappy work life could spill over into a crappy life  life (see: crashing out).

If you’re self-aware enough to spot the signs that your gig isn’t a fit anymore, quitting a job for mental health reasons might make sense—even if you don’t have a backup plan. Obviously, if you had a stockpile of savings and/or you were sure you could find a less terrible job fast, you would’ve done that by now. We get that. So how do you know if forgoing a paycheck will be less stressful than resenting work? There’s truly no right answer here.

That said, we spoke to people who quit jobs for their mental health (without another lined up) to learn how they navigated that decision and its aftermath. Hopefully, their stories will help you find your own path forward. 

1. Ask yourself what achievement looks like.

“Last year, I left a six-figure sales job because I was so stressed out and unhappy. I had zero passion for what I was doing and had to be available 24/7. I felt trapped in a world that I never wanted to be in and knew that corporate America would drain me of all my sanity if I stayed any longer. It affected my mood at home and heightened my anxiety. My partner felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me because the stress from work would often make me snap.  

I learned that no job is worth losing yourself. I decided to take the time I needed to figure out my next step instead of  jumping into another job that would perpetuate the cycle of unhappiness. In the end, that meant going for a degree in social work, which is a field that actually inspires and fulfills me. Sure, I’ve lost money that took me years to save, but I’m so much happier now. It’s safe to say that quitting a job for my mental health was 100% worth it.” —Mallory H., 29

2. Separate your identity from your job.

“I quit my teaching job because of burnout and anxiety. I taught through the pandemic and the chaotic time that followed. I had to teach two to three curriculums at once to a variety of learning levels and an average of 200 students each year. I felt very little support in my workplace. It got to the point where I was anxious on weekends and breaks because I dreaded going back. Still, I used to always say, ‘I am  a teacher.’ I felt like teaching was part of who I am and that couldn’t change, even with a dark cloud over me at all times.

I had a wake-up call that life is too short to be this miserable when it can end at any point. I spent the next year planning my exit from education and resigned the following winter without anything lined up. After being unemployed for a bit, I started an internship to learn cybersecurity, and that company eventually hired me as a full-time employee.

I’ve learned that a career does not define you. It is so easy to get stuck in the identity of whatever field you choose to pursue. Reframing your mindset and separating your job from who you are is so important for overall mental well-being. A job comes and goes, but your mental health stays with you forever.” —Helen E., 29

3. Notice how your job is affecting you.

“I began to feel a real imbalance between my professional and personal life. My wake-up call was brutal and happened when I worked until 8 p.m. the day I was supposed to celebrate my birthday. After quitting, I learned that prioritizing my mental health was the best decision, even if it felt terrifying at the time. I realized how important it is to set boundaries and recognize when a job is no longer serving you, no matter how much experience or growth it initially offered. Trusting myself, despite not having a clear plan forward, allowed me to rebuild and find opportunities more aligned with my values.

Looking back, I do wish I had leaned more on my support system. It’s easy to isolate yourself when you’re overwhelmed, but reaching out to friends, family, or even a mentor could have made the process less daunting. Finding a community of professionals who’ve faced similar challenges could have been invaluable as well.

My biggest advice is don’t ignore the signs that your work is negatively impacting your mental health. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being. If you’re considering quitting, take time to reflect on what you truly want and, if possible, build a safety net first—financially or by securing another role. However, if you’re at a breaking point, and you can afford it, your mental health 100% has to come first.” —Olivia A., 32

4. Take time to grieve and to plan. 

“I didn’t really notice how much I was suffering until my inner circle voiced how they saw my job impacting my life outside of the office. My family flagged my changes in mood, specifically my irritability and hopelessness. And my friends noticed my absence.

But I knew for certain I needed to quit when work became debilitating. I struggled to sleep and dreaded getting out of bed. Leaving my job was the best decision, even without having another one lined up—and I would absolutely do it again.

I found that taking time off for myself afterward, rather than frantically taking the first opportunity, was critical to recover from the burnout and emotional fatigue of a toxic workplace. Yes, I did grieve a bit. I needed that time to just feel bad about the situation (and feel bad for myself) before I could move on. 

The time off also allowed me to break down what I needed versus what I wanted from work. I made a list of all the things I couldn’t tolerate in a new position. I also wrote out what I thought I’d been good at in my previous role and what duties I struggled with or didn’t enjoy. This made it easier to pick jobs with responsibilities that fit me better.” —Taylor M.

5. Give extra notice (if you can).

“I quit my job because I felt extremely burnt out and dreaded every workday. I found myself unable to separate my personal and work life to the point where I was experiencing anxiety and depression. Aside from resigning, the best choice I made was giving my employer a 30-day notice—which I know not everyone is able to do. When I looked into applying to jobs again, I had a positive relationship with my higher-ups, who wrote me great recommendations. I also knew the company was understaffed, so I used part of my 30 days to help train a new employee. It was a win-win.” —Anonymous

6. Check in with your support system as early as possible. 

“I worked in healthcare PR. At my old job, I felt like a doctor on call, needing to answer my boss and manager at any time. And instead of any positive feedback, my manager and boss only gave me negative feedback. 

I’ll never forget that my boss used to make me draft every single email, including simple response emails that would be sent to the client, directly to her. I once forgot a comma, and instead of telling me the error I had made in my draft and telling me it was only ONE error, my boss wrote back, ‘I can not get past the first paragraph without finding an error. There are multiple spelling and grammatical errors. Please rewrite.’

I wasn’t sleeping, eating, or taking care of my health. I developed horrific stress headaches and would cry when I went to work. My boss and manager were extremely controlling and out-of-control micromanagers. A couple months after quitting, my tension headaches went away, I started putting myself first, and I became a better version of myself and who I am today. 

At the end of the day, I had a good support system. I also had a unique situation because I lived in NYC and was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, so I was really scared to quit. That being said, getting my parents on board was really important since I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to get another job and I wasn’t sure if I was going to need help paying rent. I had enough savings, but I get really anxious about money and savings (as we all do). And my friends and other coworkers at the job could not have been more supportive too.” —Emma H. 

7. Do your research before jumping right into another job.  

“I’ve held a few jobs in my life that impacted my mental health mostly in the same ways (no appreciation from management, general discomfort from coworkers, etc.). I left because it came to the point where I didn’t want to get up in the morning, my favorite hobbies and stress-reducers weren’t helping me anymore, and I flat out wasn’t enjoying my time outside of work. I was so worried about what had happened the day before or what would happen when I went in the next day. I had managers micromanaging my every move, every email, and every break. No one likes to be watched like a hawk. And whether it was my paranoia or not, it felt as though coworkers were getting in on this game of ‘we didn’t want to hire her so let’s just run her out of the company.’ It became incredibly anxiety-inducing and depressing to exist in that environment. 

After quitting, it did make me feel better—the weight was lifted. However, I did leave feeling incredibly violated. I became desperate at times, picking up the next best thing just because I thought it would be better. The jobs did look better on the outside, but when you’re in a shitty environment, anything looks better. I signed onto a position to have more money, more stability, a different manager, whatever it was, just to fall into similar traps because I didn’t do enough research. I have learned to trust my gut, get out when I can, and research jobs more (ask questions during interviews, read up on reviews of companies, do deep dives on LinkedIn, etc.) to make better judgements and decisions.” —Sam M., 27

8. Don’t rule out self-employment. 

“The office I worked for was very tight-knit, and I was the newbie. Some people were welcoming and others couldn’t have cared less. I became pregnant shortly after being hired and had pregnancy complications that led to bed rest. Not a single person checked in on me then or when I had my baby. When I returned to work, I got COVID. My whole household did. Even my newborn baby. Again, no one from my office checked in on me or wished me well. The owner’s wife baked a cake for everyone’s birthday—except mine. So this atmosphere of being excluded really led me down a road of hating what I did for a living and questioning what I was doing. It led to ill feelings and self-doubt. For a while, I thought maybe I did something wrong. Eventually, I came to the realization that it wasn’t me and they were losing employees for a reason. I decided to exit the working world and stay home with my kids and become self-employed instead.

I now have an Etsy shop selling essential-oil-related products. I found this passion long before I quit my job but was never able to pursue it as fully as I wanted because I didn’t have the time or energy while working. 

I also do food delivery services like DoorDash and help my husband run his business doing exterior cleaning. My advice to others is to have a heart-to-heart with themselves and to do what is truly best for them. Being self-employed is very scary and requires a lot of passion and research. And it’s a huge leap of faith. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you and your family.” —Ashley W., 32 

9. Set a resignation “due date.”

“My mental health rapidly declined at my first job out of college because I had a bad boss. Everyone knew, but no one supported me. We were an in-house marketing team of two for a company with several subdivisions, which meant lots of work and a constant stream of consciousness from my superior from when I logged on in the morning to when I logged off at night. It wasn’t collaboration that was coming through the team’s chat but consistent negative feedback.

I reached out to HR and had a formal conversation with them about how I was being micromanaged and was unhappy with my treatment. They said they’d escalate it to my boss’s supervisor because they were concerned. The escalation didn’t take place. They went directly to my boss who, in turn, seemed to take it out on me. 

I think the best thing I did for myself was quitting when I did. My only regret is that I didn’t quit sooner because I am still dealing with the mental health impact of my previous role and the self-doubt that it ingrained in me. 

Finances were a huge reason why I stayed in my role. I have prided myself in being financially independent ever since leaving college, and it felt absolutely shameful to put that at risk, especially with rent, car payment, insurance payment, and student loans due each month. My advice for those who feel the same anxieties I did about financial insecurity would be this: Give yourself a resignation letter due date and live significantly below your means until then. Stick to that due date, save your money, and start looking, but whether you have a lead on a new role or not, commit to that date. Be a gig worker (Grubhub, Uber, Wag/Rover, Care.com, etc.) and monetize the skills you do have (graphic design, social media/content, website building, writing…whatever) and figure it out until you find the right role that won’t hurt your mental health.” —Anonymous 

10. Maybe don’t start a new job right away if you’re still struggling mentally.

“I had a harassment situation at a previous job. I took a new one right away, which was amazing, but it turns out that I was not ready to work again. And so I had to quit that new job in order to take care of my mental health.

I was extremely lucky that I had the finances to be able to leave without a plan B, but I also had no choice. I had left a very bad job to go into a great one without taking the time I needed to heal. As a result, I was still feeling terrible and was not able to give my best. When you are in an ideal situation and you still feel horrible, unable to be present or efficient, you have no choice but to stop and take care of yourself. So my advice is this: Take the time you need to heal. Getting into a new job, even if it’s great, will not fix your mental health. Taking care of yourself will. And the next great job will be that much more amazing with you at 100%.” —Juliette C., 32

11. Ask yourself what you truly want before you leave.

“Between experiencing severe burnout and recognizing that I was meant for so much more than just designing emails, creating banner ads for products I didn’t care about, and changing retail prices over and over and over again, I decided to quit. Now, don’t get me wrong…there were still a handful of good things that I learned from this job, like working with a great boss who was always in my corner and learning to be open, honest, and clear with communication skills.

But the job was still the job. It was extremely repetitive and draining. My mental health and way of thinking started to suffer and decline to a deeply resentful, negative, and depressive space. I was choosing the same thing day in and day out, knowing how it made me feel, hoping that one day I would suddenly love my job and love what I did. 

My honest advice for others thinking about quitting without any other job lined up, like I did, would be to ask yourself: Do I love what I do? Does my job make me happy? What do I really want right now? And is this job supporting what I need? 

I think we often associate our happiness or our self-worth so deeply with our job, career, and overall output of work that we forget to pause and check in with ourselves to ask if this is right for us, if it’s helping or hurting us, and what we value most. I would highly recommend doing some reflection for yourself around the topic before jumping to conclusions and taking a leap of faith that may seem like it is for a good and reasonable cause but ends up being a decision that may impact your mental health state even more negatively. It all depends on the person. 

Asking these questions also helps us take one step forward in the right direction and make the changes that we want to make—one being a better, more fitting job that won’t negatively affect our mental health—because we’re thinking more clearly and know what we will and will not tolerate. In the end, you know you  best. Lining up another job before you quit your current one may very well be the best thing for you personally, and that’s OK. But it’s also OK to take time off to get your head clear and your mind right so that you can make better choices in the future.” —Jess S.

12. Treat yourself like the asset you are.

“I ultimately quit my first job out of college toward the beginning of the pandemic. I had been there about four and a half years, long before COVID hit, and I had a toxic relationship with my company. It was a marketing agency with demanding clients and a rather small team, considering the volume of work we were doing. There was a lot of over-promising and over-delivering without any reflection or rest, which snowballed into a heavy amount of stress. I did have a lot of autonomy and responsibility that I enjoyed, but I was exhausted at the end of every day.

I had five bosses in the time I was there, so the lack of interest in my growth or having any sort of stability in my department contributed to the burnout too. Once COVID hit, the business I worked on was restructured and I began reporting into my fifth and last boss. She was unbelievably cold and rude, and she lacked empathy at any level. Dealing with her and the long hours left no time for me to figure out how I was going to get out of the hamster wheel I found myself in.

All of that said, I became awful to be around. I couldn’t sleep, I would find myself sobbing at least once a day, I became nauseous whenever I tried to eat, I started having heart palpitations, and I was mean. I knew I needed to quit.

The complete turnaround in my health and my demeanor upon leaving that job was immediate. Even my final two weeks were so different from what the experience had become. In starting my second job, and the others I’ve had after that, I’ve been very clear with my managers and teams about boundaries. I’m no longer available at any and all hours. It’s now a nonnegotiable that I need to have some movement in my day too, whether that’s a Peloton class, going to the yoga studio, or even just taking a walk around the neighborhood. I’ve learned that I need to put myself first and prioritize my well-being in order to be an asset in the workplace. Tired, mean, hungry Me is not going to produce anything useful. 

My advice for others is to take the leap if they are thinking about quitting their jobs without another lined up. Definitely have an emergency fund of sorts to cover your expenses between roles. I had that, and even though I found a new role relatively quickly, knowing I’d be OK for several months was a big factor in my decision. This also gives you the time to reassess your career with a clear head and determine what the right next step is.” —Anonymous 

13. Quitting may help you realize your value.

“At the time, I was in my 20s as a healthcare manager for a well-known London hospital, and I experienced workplace bullying from hospital consultants. It went on for a number of months, and I was broken. I had gotten myself into very unhealthy working practices so they wouldn’t have any ammunition: working long hours, trying to carry a heavy workload, responding to all emails, working when off sick or on holiday. I was stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and felt awful physically and mentally.

I saw a leadership coach, who made me realize the only thing in this situation that I could control was myself. I had a choice. I did not need to stay in this environment, and I trusted that whatever happened, I would find work and be OK regardless. I took on a temporary role, which was a breath of fresh air, staying for a year until the ideal permanent opportunity came along. I absolutely learned from this that no job was worth my sanity. I also realized my value. This was a lesson that when you trust in yourself, great things happen.” —Merrisha G.

14. Get an outside perspective from someone you trust.

“I quit because I felt disrespected by coworkers and a manager. I was already on the fence before coming into this one specific shift, but after being verbally accosted by a coworker and completely unsupported by management, I didn’t even give a two-week notice. I told them I would finish the shift and then I was done. I was so drained at this job. Between being a student and working three-to-four times a week at this restaurant gig, I had no free time, even though I needed the money. I missed family vacations and left hangouts with friends early to meet the demands of my schedule, which really isolated me. I also had zero energy when I was off the clock. I would sleep all day until my shift, work my ass off for hours, and then go home and crash.

When I quit, I was really freaked out. Even though it would have been a lot less stressful if I had another job lined up, the way I quit spoke to the effects the job had on my mental health. I had messaged my partner earlier that day, asking if he thought we could swing it if I left because I knew this shift was my last straw. I didn’t want to put the bills on him, and I knew this would be a dramatic cut to my already low funds. He told me we would figure it out and that my mental health was more important than money. I am so thankful for him because without him, I would still be there.” —Michaela A., 27

15. Consider therapy to help work through any trauma or uncertainty. 

“I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector most of my life, trying to help others and neglecting myself. I most recently worked in the homeless service sector with people with lots of trauma. Vicarious trauma is real. Thankfully, I saved money in case I decided to leave. I’m glad I did that, and I have a therapist who is helping me navigate the uncertainty of what’s next.” —Anonymous

16. Decide how you want to better approach your next job.

“I’ve been an overachieving perfectionist my whole life (but only recently got diagnosed with OCD). I was so excited to start my first full-time job after college on a small staff. I loved the duties I got to do and enjoyed my team members, but I was always being pulled in so many directions. I stayed at the job for a little over two years. 

When I left, my bosses were shocked, which frustrates me to this day because I had told them at my second annual review (where I received a promotion), several months before, that I was feeling burnt out and needed something to change. Nothing did, so I took matters into my own hands.

I feel fortunate that I was in a financial position to put in my two-weeks notice without knowing what would come next. The giddy euphoria I felt afterwards so outweighed the dread I had felt leading up to it. I was able to put in my last two weeks on a good note and take two weeks off before I started a new job (which I was offered the week after I put my notice in).

During the time off, I looked up healthy habits for the workplace and figured out how I could apply those. Thankfully, my new job environment has its own protections against burnout, but I still stick to my new routine. The best things I’ve done are waking up an hour earlier than I need to for breakfast, doing simple chores like making my bed and unloading dishes, and taking time to snuggle and play with my cats. At my old job, I’d rush to work, arrive just on time, and begrudgingly eat breakfast at my desk feeling like I had no control over my time. Now, I start every morning fueling up and putting myself in charge of my day.” —Ashley F., 24

17. Check out workplace mental health resources if you can.

“I taught behavioral science for eight years. It was extremely rewarding in the beginning, but my relationship with my boss, who had mentored me and was a teacher of mine—because it was the same institution where I’d gone to school—became toxic. That really took a toll on my mental health. A lot of lines were blurred between personal and professional. 

At the same time, I was noticing more and more mental health issues in my students, and our counseling services at the school were not so great. I was in therapy already, but if faculty members wanted to seek any kind of support services at the school, there was really only one school psychologist who was rarely ever there.

Between the toxic relationship with my boss and the students’ stories when they came to me after class, with me taking on their trauma and having my own, it was out of control. I was coming home hysterical every day, and so I ultimately decided to leave. 

I would try to research if there are mental services in your company or what your company has in terms of time off. Also look into that if you’re trying to find another job once you’ve quit. I would like to think the lack of resources has changed.” —Lindsay A., 37

18. Remember your worth and that there’s no one definition of success.

“I quit my job because I worked in a soul-sucking office environment where our bosses constantly looked over our shoulders to ensure we were being productive. They were so obsessed with making sure they didn’t pay us for even a second that we weren’t working that we had to clock out when we went to the bathroom or to microwave our sad frozen meals. 

Obviously, this affected my mental health. Not only did they mistrust us with their time and pressure us to keep constant focus, but they also forced us—most often women—to perform menial tasks like moving boxes in and out of storage and cleaning toilets. In a setting where I felt constantly watched, often doubted, and sometimes demeaned, I began to feel hopeless and disempowered. I was only there for five months. 

The final straw for me was when my boss forced me to clean a toilet and then, in the same week, gave me a measly $1,000 raise, where most people in the office received $2,000 or $3,000 raises. When I asked my boss for the reasoning behind my lower raise, he explained to me that that’s what he thought I was worth. I told him, with tears in my eyes, that I couldn’t continue to work there—even though I didn’t have a job lined up and had just moved into my first apartment with my own lease two months prior, the only saving grace being that I split the rent with my boyfriend at the time. 

I handed out paper résumés, looking for freelance jobs, side gigs, anything I was slightly interested in at places that had positive environments. At the end of the day, I ended up with a part-time job working for a florist and a freelance gig writing blog content for a boutique.

I immediately loved the flower shop. Everyone was nice, the admin work was easy, and I occasionally got to clean and arrange flowers, which genuinely made me happy. And when I realized I was happy, I did another thing: I stopped feeling bad about not achieving my definition of success within two years of college graduation. I stopped feeling bad that I didn’t have a full-time job with a career trajectory outlined, and I gave myself a break. I told myself it was OK to take time and find a corporate environment that could give me a higher salary, job security, and the future career I looked forward to—as long as I kept myself safe, sane, and far away from anywhere like my last job. If I had a job that was making me miserable, I would quit without a backup plan again in a heartbeat—without cleaning a toilet this time.” —Marisa W. 

These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health appeared first on Wondermind.

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8 Comeback Stories That Will Remind You It’s Never Too Late to Do Big Things

“Remember that rest is productive.” ByWondermind

Taking a pause, a break, or a full 180 can feel incredibly daunting—like you’re somehow going to be “left behind” or fall “off track” as the literal or metaphorical play clock continues to tick by. But the reality is that it’s impossible to keep up a high-speed, high-performance pace forever. Taking a pause every now and then isn’t just recommended—it’s required. 

Whether you’re an athlete, an entrepreneur, or an artist, listening to both your body and mind when they’re asking (or begging) for a break is one of the smartest things you can do. Sure, it can be scary to step onto the sidelines for a bit. But it’s important to remember that your own personal timeline is the only one that matters, and it’s never too late to pause and achieve greatness. 

Not totally convinced? We asked eight inspiring people to share the powerful pauses that helped them come back even stronger. 

1. Simone Biles, Olympic gold gymnast 

“In my scenario, my body literally was like, ‘No, you’re going to get help right now, whether you like it or not.’ Because I kept telling myself, ‘OK, after this Olympics I’m gonna get help.’ But, you know, the amazing thing about your body is your body tells you what you need exactly when you need it. So that’s what happened to me, and I got the proper help that I deserve. … I think it was a long time coming. 

I’ve been in therapy on and off and, for me as a gymnast, I think the hardest thing with therapy is relating it back to injuries. Whenever I had an ankle injury, I would go to my doctor and my doctor would tell me, ‘In six to eight weeks you’ll be better.’ And in therapy, I would be in therapy for a year and a therapist will never tell you you’ll be better in six to eight weeks. It’s just how the brain and the body works. And so I would almost get over therapy like, ‘It’s been seven months, how am I not better already?’ 

Years later I’m in therapy, and thankfully I am. And I’m getting the proper help that I deserve. But it was very weird thinking about it like that. Now I’m like, ‘Oh I love going to therapy.’ I changed my mindset about it.” 

2. CJ Bott, International football player    

“This last season I reached a breaking point. I was part-way through the season, struggling through multiple injuries that I kept playing through, traveling with the national team, exhausted from the constant travel, and not looking after myself right. And, subsequently, I wasn’t performing. After speaking to my support network, I realized that I needed to step back and look after myself better, both physically and mentally, in order to come back stronger and be the best, fullest version of myself. I finished this season in the best physical shape I’ve been in—the happiest in the sport I’ve ever been—and my team finished the season in top form to secure a place in the top league again next season. 

In professional sports, we are often required to constantly push the limits physically, which also pushes our limits mentally. Although this gives me so much drive and motivation, and I love seeing what my body can do, I’ve definitely realized that we cannot always keep giving more to our game without giving our bodies more too. More respect, more time, more rest, and a bit more love. It’s so important to take a moment, pause, and give our bodies and our minds what they need in order to come back stronger and be our best selves.” 

3. Mandy Teefey, CEO and co-founder of Wondermind 

“I couldn’t sleep. I was about to enter my second week of being wide awake. I was frazzled, withdrawn, isolated, and miserable. I looked at my husband and said, ‘I have to go away.’ This was never a conversation prior to that day, but for the first time I knew I had to make my mental well-being a priority. 

During that time away, I gave in to the process. I learned I had been misdiagnosed and on the wrong path. I spent a month rediscovering what healthy was and what I needed to do to become myself again. When I returned home everything was clear. I wasn’t just myself again, I was the strongest I had been in a long time. My feet were on the ground, my mind was clear, and I knew there was a way to find peace to heal.”

4. Sarah Silverman, PsyD, behavioral sleep medicine specialist and holistic wellness consultant  

“At the end of 2021, after working on the front lines of the Covid pandemic for 1.5 years, I—like many other health care providers—was feeling extremely burned out. My role as a mental health provider in a major hospital center ended up being one of the most challenging times of my career. While helping others navigate the impact of the pandemic on things like mental health, sleep, and social relationships, I wore burnout like a badge of honor, but I knew I had to take a step back from conventional health care after feeling overwhelmed for months. For the first time in a long time, I took some time off and was able to prioritize my own health and happiness. During this break, I felt the nudge to start my own health consulting business and took a leap of faith. 

Fast forward a few years later, and now, I get to create an even bigger impact in the world, doing what I love to do: helping women improve their health and wellness through quality sleep, without the constraints of time-limited appointments, and with the flexibility for me to create better work/life boundaries. Entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone, but it’s the best decision I could’ve ever made for myself. My comeback was a chance for me to step away from a model of care that was no longer serving me or my clients and create a model for healing at the root cause level. 

If you find yourself feeling burned out and in a similar situation, know that you’re not alone. Give yourself some grace, and remember that rest is productive. Taking a pause may provide you with clarity as well as time to reevaluate what’s most important to you. And, in case you need to hear this, you get to decide how you want your life to look, and you can pivot your career at any time. You don’t owe anyone an explanation nor do you need to ask anyone for permission to do what’s best for you. Your happiness is more important than any job will ever be!” 

5. Emily Abbate, creator and host of the Hurdle podcast  

“I was let go from my last in-house editor position in December of 2016. At the time, I had my dream job working for a glitzy magazine, and so much of my identity was wrapped up in my former title. I was lost and unsure of what I wanted to do next. So, I decided to take a year for experimentation. Saying a lot of yes. Making ends meet by writing every article for every publication I could find (sometimes 30+ in one month), and even taking a leap of faith with my first solo international trip. There were moments I was absolutely frightened, but the throughline of 12 months of soul searching was that I am so much more capable than even I anticipated.

At the top of 2018, I stepped into my power and launched a podcast—taking my passion for storytelling and lending it to the strength of my own voice. That wellness-focused podcast, called Hurdle, is now my full-time job, an opportunity for me to interview athletes, industry experts, and CEOs about their highest highs and toughest moments. To level-up my product, I became a certified professional coach (liken it to a life coach) and use that education well-beyond interviewing. Now, I travel the world to host conversations and workshops. The show has almost 10 million downloads and I have my dream job rooted in conversation and community—empowering women everywhere to live healthier, happier, more motivated lives.

My comeback taught me that the best moments in life begin with self-belief, and that every single day is an opportunity to put pen to paper in my story of life. Each hurdle—no matter how difficult—is an opportunity to learn, if we only choose that perspective. And now, I know that my perspective is my true power.”

6. Regina Merson, founder of Reina Rebelde

“After several very stressful years in my career as an attorney with only three hours of sleep a night, my body started to shut down. A host of unexplained symptoms ailed me—from frequent nights of insomnia to random cortisol crashes during the middle of the day. After multiple visits to different doctors, it was clear that the issue was systemic, and if I didn’t take a true break, I would never get better.  

I spent the next 18 months focused on simple but consistent changes in my life—getting fresh air through the day, short walks, strict sleep schedules, eating well, and letting my body tell me what it needed. Easier said than done, as I always told my body and mind what to do, not the other way around. I felt defeated at first. I always prided myself on being ‘productive’ at all times but, ultimately, I realized that being wise was more important in the long run. If my body demanded naps at 9:30am and slow walks in the afternoon, I would comply. I decided I would slow down enough to actually listen to what I needed and indulge those requests without judgment or guilt. It meant stepping off the hamster wheel for a long break in hopes of regaining the full, functioning wholeness that I used to enjoy. At the same time, there was so much internal resistance—what if I gave in and fell into a permanent state of tiredness? What if I never came back? What if I had burned out forever? 

The recovery was slow and thankless, but about ten months in, I saw a glimmer of my former self and energy come back. I was encouraged. Fourteen months in, my blood work looked amazing and by 18 months, I felt like I was in my twenties again. I learned to never take my health for granted again and, most importantly, that the body has a wisdom of its own that’s superior to anything I could have imagined. The best lesson was the importance of taking shorter breaks and making frequent corrections along the way rather than waiting until full burnout is looming.” 

7. Linda Motlhalo, International football player 

“A meaningful pause I took in my life was back in 2016 when I had to choose between football and school. I decided to take a pause in my studies because I had missed a lot of work and I was struggling to keep up. On the flipside, I was given the opportunity to go represent the Senior National Women’s Team in the biggest stage, which was the Olympics. During this pause from my studies, what I did in my free time was to work on the subjects that I was really struggling with at school, and that really helped me a lot. [In] my comeback, not only did I pass my final year but I passed it with distinctions. And the advice I would give to anyone would be: Put in the work for the things that you really want and you will get the results.” 

8. Dame Sophie Pascoe DNZM, Paralympic & Commonwealth Games gold medallist

“I had a fantastic 2019 season breaking personal bests and setting World Record times. I had solely put all my eggs into one basket to achieve my goals in Tokyo. Nothing else mattered but the black line and my performance in the pool. Tokyo 2020 was set to be my fourth Paralympic Games and I had set myself an ambitious goal that I believed could be achieved by myself. I was one week out from our National Championships when Covid arrived, and we went into a nationwide lockdown. Here I was in peak condition and before I knew it the Games were canceled and later postponed to 2021.

I was in lockdown on my own when the announcement of the Games was shared with the world. It hit me hard grieving the loss of the Games and everything I had been working towards, questioning if I could continue for another year because, on reflection, I had put my personal life aside to be a World Champion athlete—for an event that got taken away in a day!

As lockdowns lifted and the world started finding a new normal, I was struggling to see what the future held for me. I was on autopilot at training, doing what I needed to do but with no real purpose. My incredible team around me noticed I had become a shadow of myself and confronted me to ask if I was OK—to which I shared that I was in a dark place and needed help. I took the time to work with experts to treat my diagnosed severe depression and have confidence in who I truly was again. After months of taking the time to find myself, I was reassured and came out confident knowing I can be Sophie and Sophie Pascoe ‘the swimmer.’ 

I believe everything happens for a reason and that a negative life-changing moment can be made into a positive with the right support network around you to allow yourself to be truly you. The period of pause where I needed to heal and nurture myself is the reason I share my story today. 

Fast forward to Tokyo 2020 Paralympic Games (postponed to 2021): I went on to win two Gold, one Silver, and one Bronze. From my darkest days to triumph, for the first time in my career I was proud not only of my success but that I had made it to what I didn’t think was achievable 12 months before.”

The post 8 Comeback Stories That Will Remind You It’s Never Too Late to Do Big Things appeared first on Wondermind.

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We Asked the Experts How to Take a Pause When You Need One

The power of a pause is real. ByWondermind

Slow down? We hardly know her. If you’re anything like us, then the idea of taking a pause can feel out of reach in our overscheduled, always-busy world. No matter how good our intentions are, our hustle-harder culture pushes us to prioritize getting things done and moving on to the next instead of living mindfully…and a bit slower. And with so much vying for our attention these days—we’re looking at you, 24-hour news cycle, TikTok, and the never-ending stream of Slacks—taking a pause can seem unrealistic or downright impossible.

But it doesn’t have to be so hard. And, according to the experts, there are major benefits to implementing a pause in different situations throughout your day. “Impulsivity doesn’t really benefit anyone,” explains psychotherapist Sarah Ahmed, RSW. “That’s because we’re coming from a place of reacting rather than responding.”

When we act with more intention, pausing in the midst of tough conversations or stressful situations to really think through what we want to say or do next, we end up making decisions that are more aligned with our values. “You’ll find yourself wondering or regretting why you did something a lot less,” says Ahmed. It’s a practice so powerful that even professional athletes, like those taking part in the biggest women’s soccer tournament in the world, use it to clear their heads and keep cool during tense games. 

To find out how you can easily implement more pauses into your daily life and reap the benefits, we asked Ahmed to share her best tips and tricks. 

1. Focus on your breath.

It can feel especially tricky to take a pause when you’re in a situation that you can’t physically escape, like in the middle of a work presentation or an important match. But taking a second to pause and breathe in those moments can be hugely impactful, helping to calm your nerves and ground you in the present (instead of whatever future-oriented fears are running through your head). 

“Just do a quick scan of your breath. What is it like?” says Ahmed. “You can take a full deep breath and people won’t even know that you’re doing it.” 

2. Grab a cold one. 

Another hack for moments when you can’t really escape the heat: Ahmed recommends having a cold beverage on hand so that you can subtly pause to take a drink whenever you need it. Besides giving you an excuse to slow down and sip on a Powerade, it can also help cool your body if you’re prone to anxiety sweats. It could even help to place something cold—like a cold bottle of Powerade—on areas like your wrists or the back of your neck to help bring down that fight-or-flight response. 

3. Excuse yourself (if possible). 

When your anxiety is at an all-time high, Ahmed recommends stepping out to the bathroom where you can take three really big deep breaths and ground yourself away from the noise. Running cold water over your hands or splashing it on your face can help calm your nerves too. 

And if you happen to have access to some essential oils, like peppermint or citrus, Ahmed recommends dabbing those on your wrists or neck. Scent can act as a reminder to slow down and activate the olfactory system in the brain which can help relax you, she says.

4. Try to buy yourself some time before responding. 

Taking a moment (or 10) to clear your head in the midst of a tense conversation or argument with a loved one or colleague can be one of the toughest but most beneficial pauses. Stepping away from the heat of the moment allows you to clear your head and respond more thoughtfully (and less regretfully) to the situation. 

Ahmed recommends rehearsing certain lines for situations like these in advance, so that when you’re burning up with anger in the moment you know exactly what to say. “The first step is catching yourself getting angry and being aware that this isn’t a good time to talk,” she says. Then you want to say something like: “I want to talk to you about this but I’m not in the right headspace right now to have a conversation that’s productive.” 

You can also tell the other person that you need to get back to something but can continue the conversation at another time, whether it’s later in the day or next week. This buys you time to think more intentionally and from a calmer place about what you want to say.

5. Be honest with yourself when you need a prolonged pause. 

Sometimes in life a short pause just won’t do. You might be burnt out by your job, in need of space from a difficult relationship, or craving time to take care of your health—whatever it is, taking a longer pause can be restorative for your body and mind.

If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed by a certain situation or aspect of your life but aren’t sure whether you need to take a pause, Ahmed recommends reflecting on your current capacity. “Ask yourself: what’s my capacity like? Can I deal with this right now?” she says. If the answer is pretty clear that you don’t have the bandwidth to deal, start looking for ways to take a step back—whatever that might look like for you. 

If you’re considering taking a break from work, Ahmed recommends reading up on your company’s HR policies, which can usually be found in company handbooks, before you bring this up to anyone at your job. Once you know what your company offers in terms of short- and long-term leave, you can make a more informed decision about what to ask for and approach your boss with the right documentation, if needed. 

6. Let people know how to best support you during a pause. 

It can be tempting to try to just maintain the status quo even when you’re stepping onto the sidelines, says Ahmed, but it’s OK to tell people you’re in need of a break. Whether you’re stepping away from socializing for a period because you’re slammed at work or are having health issues that make it hard to network, telling people upfront what you need (or don’t) can help avoid any confusion and help them support you the best way they can. “You can set what your boundaries are,” she says. Try saying something like, “I’m slammed at work and may be a bit MIA for the next month, but I’ll reach out and let you know when I come up for air.” 

Although it may feel awkward or uncomfortable, setting your boundaries by taking a pause can be super restorative and help you to feel more in control of your life. 

The post We Asked the Experts How to Take a Pause When You Need One appeared first on Wondermind.

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9 Smart Ways to Pause and Be Present

Taking a minute to slow down and collect yourself can have major mental health benefits. ByWondermind

There’s a reason we’re constantly being told to “be present.” Doing so can get us out of our heads, ground us in reality, and help us to embrace whatever moment we’re in. But actually putting the concept into practice? Easier said than done! We could probably all benefit from learning a few go-to grounding exercises and doing them on the regular. Whether you’re a professional athlete about to take the field in the biggest women’s soccer tournament in the world or you’re hyping yourself up for whatever big moment is in front of you, the power of pausing and staying in the present is real.

“When we’re not in the present, the mind can go down these rabbit holes of catastrophic thinking, anxiety, worry, and rumination, which makes us feel very helpless because we can’t change things in the past or future,” says licensed psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD, a member of the Wondermind Advisory Committee. “Being present is such a critical piece of mental wellness because if you can’t stay in the present, you can’t think clearly enough about the questions that life is asking of you right now, and how to [act on them].”

So whether you’re in the middle of a hectic morning routine, about to give a presentation at work, or getting ready to take part in a one-of-a-kind experience, taking a pause can help clear your head, organize your thoughts, and reenergize you to take on whatever tasks lie ahead (even if it’s just tackling that ever-growing pile of clothes on your bedroom chair). Here are Dr. Wang’s best techniques to pause and be present—wherever you are..

1. Focus on the five senses. 

If the first thing you do when you wake up is reach for your phone (we’re guilty too), you’ve already pulled yourself out of the present moment. “So much of our current lives and how we relate to technology is dissociative in nature,” says Dr. Wang. Often, we scroll on our phones to avoid a negative emotion, like not wanting to get ready for work when we’ve underslept or angsting about a project we have to finish that day. Other times, we’re simply bored and understimulated. But using our phones to distract from these feelings is just a short-term fix.

To ground yourself in the here and now from the minute you wake up, she recommends pausing to focus on your five senses. How do the bedsheets feel on your skin? How does the sunlight look pouring through your window? What can you hear, smell, or taste? You can return to this technique throughout the day whenever you need to reconnect with the present. 

2. Start a morning ritual.

Mornings tend to be one of the most hectic times of day, making them the perfect moment to take a pause. Whether you’re rushing off to a commute or simply opening up your laptop to start the workday, implementing a morning ritual can help you live in the moment (rather than stressing about what’s going to happen in your 2 p.m. meeting) and set boundaries between life and work. 

One of Dr. Wang’s favorite suggestions is to incorporate scent, like lighting a candle before you get ready in the morning. “That sensory experience can help cue this notion of wakefulness,” she explains. But, for busier mornings, it can be as simple as honing in on the feeling of washing your face, the way the makeup brush feels on your face, or the taste of your morning fuel-up beverage. “No matter what you’re doing, can you be fully there?” says Dr. Wang.

3. Put pauses on the calendar.

For athletes, a training routine with built-in moments for physical and mental rest is crucial. But even if you don’t have the schedule of a footballer, putting intentional pauses in your routine is valuable. 

One of the best ways to remember to stay present during a busy week is to actually build reminders into your calendar. Dr. Wang recommends putting pauses on your calendar, reserving 5 to 10 minutes between meetings for yourself to reconnect with your body by doing some deep belly breathing or getting up to stretch. “A lot of our day is very physically stagnant, and when that happens, it actually creates this numbing or freezing response because there’s no movement flowing through the body,” she says. Pro-tip: To make this easier, try setting all of your meetings to 25 minutes instead of 30 (or 55 instead of 60).

4. Take breaks outside.

Whether you’re taking a break from work or find yourself ruminating over something embarrassing that happened on the weekend, getting outside is a great way to bring yourself back to the present moment. “We make a lot of effort to stay homeostatic and comfortable these days, which can numb us to sensory experience,” explains Dr. Wang. Getting outside and engaging with the world around us, however, can help to heighten our senses and keep us focused on what’s right in front of us.

If you have access to a field or a body of water, Dr. Wang recommends taking your shoes off to feel the grass or the cold water on your toes. For city dwellers, simply listening to all of the different sounds or the way the wind feels on your face can have the same effect.

5. Name that emotion.

When we’re in the midst of a stressful situation, like a conflict with a friend or partner, it can be especially hard to pause and organize our thoughts. Whether you’re an athlete who needs to calm themselves down in the middle of the game or a fan bubbling up with pride and anticipation as you’re watching an important match, feeling all of these feelings at once can be overwhelming and distracting. 

To help you get present in tense moments like these, Dr. Wang recommends activating what’s called your observing ego—the ability to step outside of yourself and watch what’s happening more objectively. You might think to yourself, Whoa, I am very angry right now. I can see myself and my body getting increasingly more agitated. Doing so helps to create space between you and whatever emotion you’re feeling, reminding you that you (rather than the anger itself) have control over the situation and what you do next.

6. Check in with someone you love.

When we’re feeling anxious about something, our nervous system can become overactive because our body feels unsafe in some way. Our hearts race, we feel hot and sweaty, our voices shake, and so on. Whether it’s a work presentation or the final minutes of a soccer game that’s got you stressing, Dr. Wang recommends taking a moment to check in with someone you love. “Being in the felt presence of another human being is particularly grounding,” she says. Not only is it helpful to get your fears off your chest, but our loved ones can help to remind us what we’re capable of and reassure us that we’ll be OK. 

7. Connect with your body.

If you find yourself in the midst of a thought spiral that seemingly has no end, chances are you’re not living in the present. We tend to obsess over things that happened in the past or that might happen in the future and one of the best ways to shake these thoughts off and ground ourselves in the present is to reconnect with our body. “Movement is an inherently healing process, and can help us move our stress response out of the body,” says Dr. Wang. 

Taking an exercise class or going for a run is a great way to get out of your head and into your body, but even the simple act of going for a walk can do the trick. Moving in whatever way feels good to you is key—and remembering to take pauses and hydrate with a Powerade. For days when you’re short on time, pausing for a short meditation or breathing exercise can also help refocus you on the present moment.

8. Write out your worries.

One of the hardest times to be present is also one of the most important: when we’re lying in bed at night trying to fall asleep. Rather than focusing on how nice it feels to sink into our beds after a busy day, we tend to get caught up stressing about what’s happening tomorrow. If this sounds familiar, try keeping a notepad next to your bed so you can write down whatever’s on your mind as it pops up, even if it’s as simple as needing to remember to run an errand the next day.

“The notepad gives you a very tangible way to get [those thoughts] out there,” says Dr. Wang. “You can tell yourself, ‘I’ve written it down so I don’t need to keep ruminating over it.’”

9. Identify your feelings in celebratory moments.

We’ve been wired to move through life quickly, with our eyes always turned to the next phase. This can be helpful in difficult times but it also causes us to rush through some of the happiest moments of our lives, be it a birthday, wedding, or once-in-a-lifetime sporting event. The start of a much-anticipated competition, the thrill of finally seeing your team in action, the euphoria of winning—these are moments you truly want to be present for. “It’s really important that you’re able to savor those core memories,” says Dr. Wang. 

To make the most of these moments, she suggests tuning into your internal experience and trying to identify what you’re feeling. Is it gratitude, excitement, or thrill? Perhaps a sense of warmth and connection? “The term ‘good’ is such a broad, brushstroke word, so can you put more specific language to the core memory which then gives it more permanence?” asks Dr. Wang. Since these celebratory moments are often busy, you can also ask a friend in advance to remind you to pause and take it all in.

The post 9 Smart Ways to Pause and Be Present appeared first on Wondermind.

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7 Therapist-Approved Tips for Anyone Who Sucks at Relaxing

If doing nothing is really hard for you, here's why and what to do about it. ByVincent Allen, Jr., PhD

Confession time: I’m a workaholic. Though I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I became one, I know it started with my dad. He served in the Marine Corps and stressed the importance of hard work my whole life. On top of that, the age-old, “You have to work twice as hard to get half as far,” was drilled into my head (if you’re in the BIPOC community, you get it) since I was a kid. So when it came time to enter the “real world” as a millennial amid the economic chaos of the Great Recession, my anxiety levels were off the charts. Knowing how to relax was not even on my radar. 

As a result of that origin story, I’ve been on a relentless pursuit of working harder, producing more, and proving myself through my professional accomplishments as a licensed clinical psychologist.

Despite helping others find balance, I often find myself struggling when it comes to taking a break, unwinding, and letting negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and fear take the backseat. And when I do pause, any moment of rest is overtaken by thoughts of my to-do list or just some casual existential dread. I mean, meetings! Emails! Phone calls! Friends! Family! Financial pressure of living in an ever-uncertain potentially crumbling economy! Seriously, it feels like there is never enough time to truly stop, catch my breath, and chill.        

I know I’m not alone. Thanks to a glorified hustle culture that encourages us to always stay grinding and “getting to the bag” with “no days off,” many of us have rebranded rest in our brain as unproductive, a waste of time, or worse, a sign of laziness. And when we buy into that philosophy, feelings of anxiety and guilt creep up. Those factors are probably part of the reason you’re reading this right now.

But even if you totally believe that rest is important and the whole “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” thing is ridiculous, external pressures from your job, family responsibilities, and friendship obligations exist. And those heavy expectations can minimize your needs, forcing you to meet the demands of everyone else. 

Repeat after me: Chilling isn’t selfish. 

It’s an essential investment in your overall well-being and can curb some of the negative consequences of overdoing it on your physical and mental health. That can include your risk of mental health issues, like anxiety, depression, burnout, sleep issues, and chronic stress, according to a meta-analysis of the effects of working long hours and overtime. Obviously, those issues can impact how well you function on the daily. TL;DR, skimping on relaxation not only jeopardizes your health but can also impede your ability to perform at your best, whether that’s your 9-to-5 or caretaking for a loved one.

And, listen, I say all of this as someone who really struggles to just do nothing. So I get it. But because I’m also someone who basically teaches people how to relax for a living, I’ve also got the best ways to find some chill—even when it feels impossible. 

Before we dive into all that, you should know there isn’t really a wrong way to unwind. We all have our own unique preferences and ways of finding balance (reality TV marathon? Sure! Baking a weirdly complex brownie? OK!). That said, if we rely on certain behaviors or activities that aren’t so great for us in the long run (see: wine nights, TikTok dissociating) it can lead to excessive or addictive behaviors that can actually be harmful to your physical and mental well-being. I like to think about having a relaxation toolbox with a variety of ways you can relax. The key is to listen to your body and mind and choose activities that truly recharge and rejuvenate you.

Ready? We got this.

1. Answer this: How full is your cup? 

One obstacle to fully embracing the relaxation life is how you view it. If you think of rest as something that’s negotiable, you might have trouble prioritizing it. But reframing it as something that replenishes your energy levels, reduces stress, and enhances your general quality of life (which it does!), you’ll be more likely to pencil in some nothing.

Sure, sounds easier said than done, but try imagining yourself as a literal cup that holds energy, creativity, emotional capacity, and presence of mind to tackle daily tasks for yourself and others. How full are you? If you sense you are overflowing with more than enough to give yourself and others, that’s wonderful. But if you need a refill, ask yourself, “What relaxing activity can top me off?” If you’re struggling to figure out what actually fills your cup, this worksheet, which I recommend to my clients, is a great way to pinpoint activities you might want to prioritize going forward. 

For a workaholic like me, refilling my cup can mean getting a good night’s sleep, eating a meal I made myself, or getting in some quality time with friends and family. 

When you reframe relaxation in this way, it becomes an intentional act of mental fitness and a way to protect yourself rather than a supposed waste of time. Ultimately, this mindset can empower you to make time for self-care without guilt or hesitation.

2. Hack this common study technique.

If you don’t have the luxury of a week-long vacation or spa retreat, you can still get some relaxation in your schedule by trying the Pomodoro technique. This timing method is a productivity and focus tool, but it can also come in clutch when you want to incorporate brief moments of relaxation throughout your day. 

Here’s how to do it: Decide how long you want your chunks of work to be and how long you want your breaks to be. The traditional Pomodoro technique suggests 25 minutes of focus followed by a five-minute break and some longer breaks as you continue to work throughout the day, but you can honestly just do whatever works for you. Personally, I like to do 50 minutes of focused work with a 10-minute break.

Once you settle on times that you like, choose a simple yet enjoyable activity to do during your designated break. It could be as simple as stepping outside for some fresh air, taking a walk with your dog, listening to some good music, practicing a short meditation, or learning a TikTok dance.

Now, set a timer, start working, actually pause to do your fun stuff when it’s time, and repeat this cycle until you’ve finished your task.

When you use the Pomodoro technique, you’ll strike a balance between productivity and self-care. Not only will it help you stay focused and efficient, but it will also give you regular intervals for relaxation that keep you from mindless doom scrolling, spiraling, or just bopping around as time passes by. Plus, it can help with any guilt that you might feel for taking a break because once that timer goes off, it’s back to the grind. 

3. Refocus your mind. 

Whether you choose to meditate in the morning to set a positive tone for the day or in the evening to unwind and find peace before bed, this mindfulness practice is a solid way to feel more restored.

If you want to try a morning meditation, find a quiet and comfortable space where you can sit or lie down for a few minutes. Then, close your eyes and bring your attention to slowing your breathing, allowing that to guide you into a state of relaxation. You can also use this time to set intentions, visualize positive outcomes for the day, practice gratitude, or silently say some affirmations. 

In the evening, meditation can help you release any accumulated stress by putting the events and challenges of the day into perspective and letting them go. Like morning meditation, all you really need to do is find a quiet space, close your eyes, and focus on your breath for a little bit. If you want, you can also think about what positive things happened throughout the day that you’re grateful for. 

If the idea of sitting in silence sounds overwhelming, guided meditations, which have gentle instructions and soothing sounds that keep you focused, can be a great alternative. There are tons of guided meditations that you can find on YouTube or apps like Calm and Headspace or even music streaming platforms. 

4. Think about your five senses. 

Have you ever had the experience of driving home, pulling into the driveway, then thinking, How did I get here? This is a perfect (and common) example of not being mindful and letting your body go on autopilot while your mind drifts elsewhere. This happens to me when I am really stressed or anxious about something and find myself lost in my racing thoughts. But if we’re not careful, not being mindful means it can feel like life is passing us by and we’re too in our head or spaced out to notice it. This is where a mindfulness exercise like the five senses tip can come in handy since it’s all about getting out of your head and getting back into your body and the present moment. 

So think about what you smell, hear, see, feel, and taste. You may realize you hear things you didn’t notice before, like the humming of your refrigerator, cars driving past, or the birds chirping outside. And maybe you feel the softness of the carpet under your feet, the hardness of the chair you are sitting on, or the roughness of the plastic phone case you are holding. You can try this anytime and anywhere, and it might bring you a sense of relaxation by helping you become more self-aware and less impulsive or consumed by distractions. 

5. Do nothing for two minutes. 

When life gets hectic and you feel overwhelmed, taking two minutes to do absolutely nothing can be a great way to center yourself. I know that two minutes sounds like barely any time, but just try it and see how relaxing a quick break can actually be before you come for me. 

This website has a two-minute timer and calming ocean wave sounds, which feels like a mini vacation (sorta) for a brief moment. During these two minutes, try to let go of any thoughts or worries and just focus on the gentle rhythm of the waves and let yourself unwind. Embracing the stillness can help clear your mind, reduce stress, and restore a sense of inner calm. If you need another dose of beach vibes later, you can always revisit the site. 

6. Log out of everything.

If you’re constantly attacked by your weekly screen time report, you’re likely due for some tech-free time, which is a great way to relax in this very online world. When you schedule a digital and social media break, you can cut back on the constant news and information as well as phone-induced envy and FOMO. 

Start small and gradually increase your time away from your devices as you get more comfortable. For example, I try not to start my day by checking my phone. Instead, I give myself some time to wake up, center myself, and prepare for the day before I check social media, emails, the news, etc. Try it one day this week and see how it feels when you wake up and wait 15 minutes before you check your phone. If it feels good to you, try increasing the time or the number of days you do this each week. 

If this feels awkward, find ways to engage in activities that don’t involve screens more often. This can be reading, stretching, or doing your morning or night routines without distractions. When you do, you create space for genuine connections and moments of peace. 

7. Schedule some deep breathing reminders.  

In grad school, one of my supervisors had a timer that regularly went off in the middle of meetings. It was a reminder to breathe, she explained, and every time it went off, she paused and took a deep breath no matter what she was doing to help her stay mindful and as relaxed as you can be as an educator. That’s because when you take a deep breath, it actually reduces activity in the sympathetic nervous system (associated with your fight or flight response) and jump starts your parasympathetic nervous system (the calming one). Basically, when you take a deep breath, it sends a message from your body to your brain to chill out. Then, your brain sends a message back to your body that it is safe to slow down and  calm down. 

All you have to do is inhale deeply, pause for a few seconds, then exhale. As you exhale, check in with your body. Release any tension that you notice (it could be in your shoulders, face, or neck) and allow your body to sink a little and loosen up. 

This simple yet effective strategy is a great way to build relaxation into your day. And if you’re really busy you can set a timer or alarm on your phone like my grad school supervisor and remind yourself to breathe every now and then. You can also use breathing timer apps like Breathe+ and Breathing Zone that let you customize your reminders.

The post 7 Therapist-Approved Tips for Anyone Who Sucks at Relaxing appeared first on Wondermind.

Essay Link Copied 06.02.23

I Hate How Much the ‘Silly Little Mental Health Walk’ Actually Works

Sometimes the internet is right. ByColleen Stinchcombe

If you’re on the mental health side of TikTok, you’ve probably seen people stomping with grumpy faces through all kinds of weather, usually backed with peppy, retro video game-style music in the background. (Exhibit A.) “Going for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health,” text reads over the video. While social media isn’t always known for doling out great wellness advice, I’m here to tell you that the silly little mental health walk actually works. At least for me. 

I’m no stranger to exercising for mental health benefits. I tend to discover new physical hobbies and dive into them with gusto, spending several months hiking, running, indoor climbing, or weight lifting like it’s my job. Hiking helped me process my mother’s death—so much so that I spent three months backpacking 1,000 miles one summer. Biking for hours at a time got me through the first pandemic summer. Other activities have helped to manage day-to-day stress, waves of anxiety, and big life transitions, like moving to a new state.

But I always kind of rolled my eyes at walking. Walking was something you did to get from point A to point B. It was something to do when my knees couldn’t keep up with jogging anymore. I felt like short walks wouldn’t quite scratch the itch I was looking for. I wanted that emptied-out feeling after a hard workout, where I didn’t have the energy to stress about minor details.

Here’s what happened when I tried the silly little mental health walk. 

Last December, I found myself in a training lull. My body just wasn’t interested in pushing itself, but I felt aimless without a physical goal to work toward. That’s when I kept seeing these TikTok videos on my feed. (The algorithm!) I thought, What the heck—until we figure out what to do next, let’s go on a silly little mental health walk. 

Much to my own surprise, my grumbling, broody brain took a breather. It was nice to be outside. Despite not hurrying along, my heart rate increased. My legs liked moving. And while the walks didn’t give me that cleansed feeling I get with a harder effort, I was still in a much better mood than when I’d walked out the door.

I live in the Seattle area, so going on a walk often means rain. Much of the year, it’s chilly and dark. I typically have time later in the day, after work when I’m feeling antsy, cooped up, and the sun is rapidly setting. Not the most welcoming invitation for a walk. Even with the quick, early benefits I experienced, I often think, No, I don’t have time. I need to go run this errand instead. Or, It’s raining. I don’t want to go out there. 

But I’ve never regretted a day that I’ve gone—even when I’ve gambled without a rain jacket and come back drenched. Even when I got distracted looking at a sign, stepped awkwardly on a curb, and fell to my hands and knees so badly that my leg was scratched and bruised for weeks. I’ve even come up with tricks to get myself going: On days I’m really fighting a walk—usually a good sign I need one—I head out in the same sweatpants I’ve been wearing at my desk. No special outfit required, the way it can be for runs or gym days.

I know I’m a sample of one in this unscientific study, but there’s actually really good evidence that walking can help with your mental health. According to a systematic review and meta-analysis published in JAMA Psychiatry, people who walked for 75 minutes a week (half the amount of weekly exercise recommended for other health benefits) were 18% less likely to experience depression than people who weren’t active. When people got the full 150 minutes of recommended exercise through brisk walking, their risk of depression was 25% lower than people who didn’t. In one Chinese study, walking consistently improved people’s emotional health regardless of how long their walks were or whether they walked through a polluted environment. The more often they walked, the better they felt. 

Why do mental health walks work? 

“Movement and physical activity are excellent for managing anxiety, breaking out of a depressive moment or phase, or feeling activated with tough feelings like overwhelm or anger,” says Jessica Stern, PhD, clinical psychologist at NYU Langone Health. “It allows us to work off any energy that is overwhelming or holds us back. Or, in the case of depression, it can help us get out of our space or our routine when we may otherwise feel unmotivated to do much. It allows us to shift our perspective and experience the world around us and can give us an opportunity to prioritize ourselves.”

That shift in perspective and experience is one of the benefits I’ve noticed most. I start out grumpy, but then I wave at a fellow walker or notice something happening in my neighborhood—a cable being replaced, an arborist high in a tree trimming limbs, the cherry blossoms blooming—and my irritation is replaced with curiosity. 

Still, as nice as walks are, they’re not a magical cure-all. Some days I still manage to ruminate, no matter how many pretty flowers I pass. And despite its ability to reduce the risk of depression, Dr. Stern says it’s not a substitute for treating mental health conditions.

“Walking alone will not ‘fix’ mental health struggles, so for individuals who are struggling, mental health treatment may be crucial or beneficial,” she explains. But don’t write it off just because it can’t do everything. “Walking can be an excellent add-on and, in some cases, may be sufficient for someone who has made progress with treatment or may have a lower level of struggling,” she says.

OK, but if walking is good for your brain, running and other physically taxing sports must be better, right? Not necessarily. “For other exercises, like running or hiking, we are typically focused on the activity, whereas in walking, it encourages us to either focus on the world around us or to think and process internal experiences,” Dr. Stern says. “It is also an activity that can be much more sustainable than more rigorous types of movement.” While not everyone can exercise regularly, most people can manage to get out for a little fresh air every once in a while. That lower barrier to entry can be huge when you’re going through something—physically or mentally. But the habit itself is helpful for everyone, even seasoned athletes, says Dr. Stern. 

Of course, there’s a big caveat here: Every one of us is different, just as our environments are. Taking a stroll around your city might not be a relaxing, restorative, or safe practice. And the advice to “just go for a walk” can be particularly frustrating for some people, like those dealing with chronic pain, trauma, physical limitations, and so on. So keep in mind that your mileage may vary and that this mental health advice, like all others, isn’t one-size-fits-all. 

So yes, I still like hard, grueling exercise, and I’m excited to get back to trail running and long days in the mountains. But I’ve got to hand it to TikTok: They were right about those silly little mental health walks. On my toughest days, walking out my front door—even for 15 minutes—puts me in a much better headspace. Even if I’m grumbling about how stupid it is as I lock the door.

The post I Hate How Much the ‘Silly Little Mental Health Walk’ Actually Works appeared first on Wondermind.

Worksheet Link Copied 05.26.23

How to Actually Measure Your Growth

This worksheet will change the way you think about progress forever. ByWondermind

We tend to think of growth as a straight line that starts at the bottom and goes straight up. But, in reality, progress is very rarely (if ever) that linear. Enter: the growth spiral.

Instead of viewing growth—in any aspect of your life—as a straight line or a staircase, think of it like a spiral. The bottom of the spiral represents where you’re starting on your growth journey. For instance, maybe you want to get better at setting boundaries or dealing with your anger. As you work towards this goal, you go up the spiral. You’re collecting more knowledge, experience, and tools along the way, but you’re also often cycling back around and repeating some of your old habits rather than shooting straight up to a ~grown~ version of yourself.

Need help visualizing this? Lucky for you, we have a worksheet created by Advisory Committee Member Nina Polyné, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist, consultant, professor, author, and speaker specializing in anxiety and the intersection between emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness. Check it out and use it to think about an area of your life where you’re taking steps to grow.

CLICK FOR THE PDF!

And, remember, this worksheet is yours to do whatever you want with—you can print it and tape it to your bathroom mirror or just save it on your phone for easy reference.

Heads up: This worksheet goes with our new podcast, Baggage Drop: a month-long therapist-led series to help you ditch whatever’s holding you back. So if you find this useful and want more therapist-backed activities like this, make sure to subscribe here to never miss an episode—or a worksheet.

The post How to Actually Measure Your Growth appeared first on Wondermind.