Stories Link Copied 02.26.25

15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication

The harmful stigma around medication and mental health needs to end. ByCarina Hsieh Additional Reporting ByCasey Gueren

If it seems like the stigma around mental health medications is suddenly getting worse, you’re not wrong. Medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and others have been the subject of some wild claims from Robert F. Kennedy Jr., newly appointed U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services. During and since his confirmation hearing, RFK Jr. spread harmful misconceptions about these evidence-based mental health medications used to treat conditions like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. 

“Research has continuously demonstrated the safety and efficacy of antidepressants and antipsychotics,” Chase T.M. Anderson, MD, MS, assistant professor in child and adolescent psychiatrist at University of California at San Francisco, tells Wondermind. “Every medication has benefits and risks, so physicians have a ‘risks and benefits’ talk before prescribing and allow space for questions. After prescribing, we monitor for adverse events with regular appointments. With the children, adolescents, and young adults I work with, we meet a few days or a week after. As time goes on and symptoms improve, we space check-ins out more so they can be off living their lives.” 

Despite the fact that RFK Jr.’s criticism of these meds isn’t based in science (more on that here), spreading misinformation can lead to increased stigma and stereotypes about mental health medications and the people who take them. 

If you think you might benefit from mental health medication, it’s worth talking to your primary care provider or a mental health professional to address any concerns floating in the back of your mind. In the meantime, here’s what 15 people had to say about their experiences with mental health meds, including how medicine helped life become more vibrant again and the lowdown on side effects.

1. Think of it like any other medicine you’d need…  

“I’ve been taking [medication] to treat my OCD for about 10 years and had tried other medications when I was in high school. I used to be super embarrassed—especially in high school—that people would judge me for it, and I also [had] fears about what taking medicine meant about me. Once my condition got worse, I had a therapist tell me that it was just like taking medicine to treat anything else. Now I am so fucking grateful for it because I don’t think I would be here without it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the life that I do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you shouldn’t need it, but it doesn’t make you weak.” —Olivia L., 29

2. …Or like a doctor-prescribed safety net. 

“I was on a variety of antidepressants for roughly a decade, from age 14. There were obviously downsides and side effects, but the medication provided a really important safety net whilst I sorted out [my life]. I was fortunate to have doctors who were receptive when I wanted to try different medications, especially as there is no perfect antidepressant. Being a really young person on mental health medication often gets strange looks, but I knew it was the right choice because of the difference it made.” —Oliver A.*, 25 

3. Remember that feeling 100% perfect isn’t the goal… 

“While dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, I hit my absolute bottom. I experienced huge bouts of rage directed at myself and others, had panic attacks every single day, and was ready to pack up my car and leave my husband and baby without any notice. I talked to my doctor about being put on an antidepressant, and since then, I honestly feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’m nowhere near 100% all the time, but being on medication takes the edge off and makes me feel like I can be around people without a panic attack brewing. Since going on medication, I have had only two panic attacks, which is a win for me—I was having at least one a day for months before.” —Kori B., 29 

4. …And that it’s OK if you get frustrated. 

“I have been on psychiatric medications for a variety of mental health issues since I was 16. I haven’t felt the stigma about taking mental health medications (thankfully, I have an amazing family and support system), but I have had to go on a journey within myself to accept that I will probably be on these medications for the rest of my life and that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that will always need this extra attention and care. 

As much as I sometimes hate that I’m taking six to eight pills a day, I know how horrible I felt all the time when I wasn’t on my medications. I truly feel like I deserve a happier, more fulfilled life than that. I have had the darkest depths of depression and the highest highs of manic episodes, but I am blissfully in the middle with this particular cocktail of medications I’m on right now. I still get to experience the full range of human emotion, and I don’t have to be a victim of my mind or scared of my thoughts. These advances in medicine are to make sure we all have the best lives possible, so why not embrace the fact that, yeah, I might be a little ‘off’ on my own, but I have so many resources available to me that can make my life so much better.” —Morgan S., 28 

5. Sometimes therapy isn’t enough.  

“I just started taking medication for depression this year, and I can’t believe I was living for years with the condition and its anxious symptoms when I didn’t have to. As an Asian American, mental health—and especially medication for it—isn’t something that’s talked about in my family. My parents thought I just needed to learn stress relief techniques and go to therapy, but that wasn’t enough. I realized [medication] was a viable and not uncommon option once my partner pointed out that many of my friends were on antidepressants and I asked them about their positive experiences with medication. I cried the first time I took a pill because I felt I was broken, but now I feel I can get so much more of my work done and enjoy being present with others without the compulsion to stay in my room and cry over stressful scenarios I’ve made up in my mind.” —Lauren C., 24 

6. It might take some time to get used to the medication…

“The process of deciding whether or not to start using medication to treat my anxiety and depression was stressful, but my psychiatrist, therapist, and close friends reassured me that it was a valid option to take on, seeing as my condition was worsening earlier in the year. What held me back the most was being seen as weak or broken. I felt like it was my fault for making choices that led me to become ill. But with time, I began to accept the fact that it was just biology, like how diabetics take insulin shots to regulate their blood sugar…taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) would help regulate the chemicals in my brain too. Adjusting to the medication was difficult for me—I dealt with nausea, poor sleep, and stomach problems while getting used to it and changing my dosage. But ultimately, even though the process wasn’t easy, it was also easily one of the best decisions I made all year.” —Rachel H.*, 23, 

7. …And one day, you and your doc might decide to switch it up. 

“I started taking an antidepressant back in 2017 while I was dealing with an excessive amount of panic and anxiety attacks. At first, I was skeptical that a small pill could take away my anxiety attacks, which had been causing me so much stress in my life. I took it anyway, starting off at a low dose and having the dosage raised by a small amount every month. I had a negative experience when my dose reached a certain level, but eventually, my body adjusted. It took a few months to really feel the positive effects of this SSRI, but when I did, it significantly improved my mental health, albeit with the occasional depressive episode. Antidepressants affect everyone differently, and for the most part it truly helped ease the cloud of excessive panic and anxiety attacks that followed me around. I’ve since stopped taking medication after speaking with my provider.” —Nina B., 29 

8. You might have to make some sacrifices… 

“My Sunday scaries used to involve a weekly panic attack about going back to work and the upcoming week ahead. Post medication, I haven’t had any panic attacks and can rationalize that anxiety in a realistic manner without spiraling into a panic. My sex drive and motivation are shot, but my Sunday evenings are better.” —Sera T. 29

9. …But the benefits can be worth it.  

“I avoided getting medicated for potential ADHD for years because my parents didn’t want ‘yet another thing wrong about me.’ I eventually got diagnosed at 30, and since taking medication, I am SO much more productive and honest with people. Some people think medication is a trap that makes you weak. I would say it makes me a stronger person who wants to live their life.” —Rin B., 31

10. It could save your life. 

“I have been lucky in my experience with medications to treat my depression. In high school, I was suicidal, and my mom forced me to see a doctor, which I resented, but it undoubtedly saved my life. I had the fortunate experience of the first med I tried working for me. It took time to find the right dose, but I’ve been on it for a decade now and can’t imagine my life without it. I grew up in a very small town where I think there was likely a lot of mental health stigma, but I have always been very open about it, and I think that worked to my advantage as a teenager and into adulthood. I feel awful on the rare occasions I forget my meds, but, in general, they make me feel like the life I want to build is possible.” —Lexie N., 26

11. It can help you tick off that to-do list.  

“When I actually remember to take my [ADHD meds], I feel like I log back into reality. I have combined type ADHD (as well as autism), and I didn’t realize how much I mentally checked out to cope with the simultaneously buzzing and boring world around me. So much of my body suddenly switched on [the first time I took my meds], and I was finally capable of putting my mind to something and doing it.” —Gates H.*, 27

12. It doesn’t make you weak. 

“In January 2022, I took a leave of absence from grad school for my mental health and began taking psychiatric medications. I spun a harmful narrative about myself that taking a break meant I was less intelligent and capable. The stigma surrounding medications certainly contributed, given the stereotype that if you take meds, you lack ‘mental toughness.’ Now, I’m happy to share my experiences with meds and how they have helped me build stability and resilience.” —Paige T., 26

13. And life might become more vibrant.  

“In 2015, during a period of depression and anxiety, my doctor told me that the most effective treatment for anxiety and depression was talk therapy in tandem with medication, so I started off on a low dose of medication. It was incredibly affirming to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression because it suggested my pain wasn’t all in my head and was valid. Even so, I was so ashamed that they prescribed psychiatric medication. About two weeks after taking my meds, I felt a 180-degree shift in my mental state. I describe in my book how colors started looking brighter, music started to sound better, and I felt taller both physically and emotionally. Seven years later, I’m in the process of successfully tapering off, but I’ll always be grateful for the way medication rewired some of the chemistry in my brain in a way I wasn’t able to do on my own.” —Marissa M., 30

14. And you can dedicate more energy to other areas of your life.

“I was diagnosed with GAD and depression in late 2019. My psychiatrist placed me on medication as a form of treatment, but I felt the effects of my diagnoses long before then. After years of reducing my symptoms to a ‘personality trait,’ getting a psychiatric diagnosis, treatment, and validation led to what felt like an alteration in my worldview. My depressive symptoms and severe anxiety became much more manageable, and my medication gave me the opportunity to dedicate more time and energy to practicing other forms of mental health and wellness that enhanced the effects of my medication.” —Noelle S., 23 

15. High achievers can benefit from it too. 

“When I was 25, I was a thriving, high-achieving, successful student turned post-grad professional, but my anxiety was crippling me. My primary care doctor prescribed medication to treat generalized anxiety and depression, which at the time, sounded absolutely terrifying. I begrudgingly took my prescribed dosage, which initially felt like admitting ‘defeat.’ 

Once I [found the right dosage], I felt like the medication had finally taken the edge off of life that my brain chemistry so deeply wanted. I’m deeply fortunate that the first prescribed medication worked for me, as I know it can take frustrating trial and error to find what works best for you.” —Taylor O., 32

*Name has been changed. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 02.21.25

16 People Who’ve Been Cheated on Share How They Coped

Please clap for growth! BySam Brodsky

Not to state the obvious, but cheating is the worst. It’s a massive violation of trust in a relationship and it can feel like betrayal. When your person does something shady behind your back (such as cheating), it can make your life seem like a lie, says therapist Brianna Brunner, LCSW, owner of Couples Therapy Services. So, it makes sense that we don’t know how to stop overthinking being cheated on.

In the wake of infidelity, loneliness, anger, and confusion can flood your brain, making it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You might even start ruminating over who else could hurt you, Brunner notes. Oof.

You may start to doubt your worth after your partner cheats too, says therapist Jessica Fernandez, LMFT. That could look like questioning whether you made your partner cheat or wondering if you’re “enough,” she explains. (Sure, sometimes people cheat when they don’t get what they want out of a relationship, but that’s not necessarily on you.)

Regardless of how your relationship ends (or continues), dealing with the fallout of infidelity is a good opportunity to work on yourself. For example, a little self-awareness can help you decide what works best for your love life and what you won’t tolerate. Ask yourself what kind of partner you want to be and what you want out of a relationship, suggests Fernandez.

But there’s so much more that can help you stop overthinking after being cheated on and actually heal. Here, we asked people how they got over being cheated on. From utilizing their support systems to finding forgiveness, they explain what surviving infidelity can look like.

1. I tried to find the bigger meaning.

“I was broken, and I didn’t feel like myself for a long time. He had been cheating on me the whole relationship. After I found out, I had this overwhelming fear that I wasn’t good enough. What really helped me get over being cheated on was tapping into spirituality and believing in something greater than myself. In other words, I tried to reframe this as a lesson from the universe: I was meant to go through this pain because the universe wanted to teach me something. Over time, I found that my lesson was about learning to respect myself, draw boundaries, and never settle for anything less than I deserve. It took two years to finally find a sense of peace.” —Smriti R., 30

2. I finally prioritized myself.

“When I was cheated on about nine years ago, I was so angry and distraught—especially because I thought I was going to marry this man. It took a solid three years of being single before I was ready to put myself out there again and trust potential partners. Thankfully, I was able to heal during that period of singleness. Taking that time was huge for my emotional well-being and becoming ready to date. Spending time single helped me focus on finding my identity. I dove into friendships, hobbies, and career interests. I also regained my confidence. After losing myself in that relationship, I really needed time for self-discovery and to prioritize myself in a way that I couldn’t before.” —Anonymous, 28 

3. I connected with other people who could relate.

“Having friends share their own stories about cheating helped me realize I was not alone.” —Anonymous

4. I redefined what I deserved.

“After being cheated on, my friends reminded me of my strength and my family held me. But the small moments of solitude, where I let myself feel everything without guilt, helped too. Writing became my escape and music became my refuge. Slowly, I started to rebuild. With time, I realized that this betrayal said more about them than me. I deserved better, and I still do. And no matter how much it hurt, I refused to let this define my worth.” —Kristina, 22

5. I focused on myself.

“When I found out I’d been cheated on, I simultaneously broke down and shut down emotionally. It was something I’d been anticipating for a while. He was going off to college, and I had a feeling in my gut that, judging by the way he stopped making me feel secure in our relationship, it could happen. Two months into his first semester, we were broken up and he had moved on.

I unfollowed him on Instagram. I deleted him from my friend list on Facebook. I deleted his number from my phone. We were together for years, and when you’re 18 to 21, that’s your entire world. It’s all you know. 

Because I was so dependent on him for my happiness, I hadn’t thought too much about myself and my future. I was thinking about our  future. Redirecting my focus and attention to my career was a game changer. I applied to internships in the city, and I found one within months. 

I like to think fitness also saved me. I started running on the treadmill and lifting weights. Focusing on bettering myself, for myself, with the encouragement of those around me, got me through it. I came out on the other side better than ever. 

A year later, I was applying to my second internship, I was physically healthier, and I started dating my now-husband.” —Anonymous

6. I went to couples counseling.

“My boyfriend at the time was always ‘friends’ with my female best friend, and he emotionally cheated on me for the duration of our two-year relationship and then physically cheated on me in the end with her. It made me paranoid, distrusting, and unsure of myself for months.

When I started dating my current boyfriend, I was really skeptical. I assumed everyone was going to leave me eventually. A year into our relationship, I saw a text come across his phone from a female co-worker who happened to just text him out of the blue, and I relapsed emotionally, crying and placing blame on him. We had to go to couples therapy afterwards, where we realized I still hadn’t completely healed and let my guard down from my previous heartbreak. 

It took many honest conversations and therapy sessions to realize that my current boyfriend is worthy of total trust. I try to catch myself when I’m repeating old patterns or old defense mechanisms, and I’m constantly learning to let go and trust again.” —Emma C., 24

7. I started to set boundaries.

“When my former partners cheated, it made me feel betrayed and deepened my trust issues with everyone around me. I started to even blame myself and question my own judgment. What helped me move past the betrayal and remove the blame from myself was understanding that bad things happen. You cannot control everything around you; you can only control your relationship with yourself and make healthy decisions. I started to set boundaries for what I cannot accept in a partner and move forward with clear communication.” —Lauren E., 30

8. I soaked in even small moments of joy.

“​​I was cheated on multiple times in my relationship. I dated a narcissist with serial cheating habits. When I found out the extent of what was going on, I felt numb and lost my sense of self and self-worth. An action I took was to step back and remind myself what brings me joy and then do it (whether big or small) to start the healing journey.” —Anonymous 

9. I started seeing a therapist. 

“My past partner cheated a lot for our three-and-a-half-year relationship. Half the time I was aware this was an issue. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from his cheating and abuse. In my current relationship, I often have thoughts and reactions that my current partner isn’t responsible for. I have trust issues and reoccurring nightmares that he will cheat. I attend dialectical behavior therapy, and we attend couples counseling to better understand each other and help one another. Both have helped immensely!” —Nina, 23

10. I talked it out with my support system.

“Being cheated on made me question everything I believed to be certain and made me doubt myself and my awareness. The first time it happened, I didn’t tell anyone. I was too embarrassed and humiliated by the fact that someone had done that to me. Also, sharing it at the time meant that I had to end things—because what would people think of me if I was cheated on and forgave him? But I ended things a few weeks later.

The next time it happened, I told my closest friends and family. It was difficult for me, but as soon as I found out, I got on the phone and texted a list of my closest people to let them know: This happened, I’m feeling this way, and I’m letting you know that I’m going to be needing your support. In my mind, I see it as me building my literal spider web of support as a coping mechanism! 

I spent a few days at my parents’ house and had a lot of time to cry and share what I was feeling without judgment. Day by day, I felt supported and was able to get back on my feet. It helped me understand my feelings better and have some feedback.” —Francisca, 29

11. Therapy helped me realize it wasn’t my fault.

“Honestly, therapy helped a lot. I went into my college’s counseling center almost immediately for some understanding and flat-out help. The entire situation was very complex, and certain friends were involved, so I couldn’t turn to other friends for help. I think I was more mad about the fact that I, for the majority of the relationship, was the one constantly getting accused of cheating (when I wasn’t), and all of those times were basically projections from him. I didn’t move into my next relationship having trust issues, thankfully, but I did feel confused, closed off, and unsure of why this happened.

Therapy really helped me understand that it wasn’t my fault. I felt lonely afterwards and wanted closure so badly but realized I didn’t need it to move on. Once I realized I didn’t need validation from this person, nor did I need anything else from him, I moved toward healthier activities and friend groups. That made me feel like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.” —Sam M., 27

12. I learned that I’m still worthy. 

“Finding out that my partner cheated made me feel worthless and like I wasn’t enough for anybody. I got on mental health medication and got help seeing that I was totally more than enough. I struggle with self-harm, and he said he couldn’t be with someone that ‘has those types of mental issues.’ That is what made me get help but also showed me that the right person will love me no matter what.” —Alyssa Q., 26

13. I tried new things by myself.

“It was soul-crushing, and therapy and rebuilding myself were necessary. I needed to learn who I was without him. I was in a relationship with this person for 10 years, so I didn’t have my own adult identity outside of that relationship. I moved to a new city while in that relationship, so I had to go explore. I had to figure out how I liked to spend my time and who I was. I think when you are young and in a relationship, you sometimes lose your sense of self and adopt a lot of your partner’s affinities. You have to make new friends and learn to spend time with yourself and like it! At first it was lonely, but then it is almost as if you date yourself. Go to restaurants by yourself, travel, watch movies! I did all of that.” —Melissa, 45

14. I shifted my perspective on a shitty situation.

“When my partner cheated on me, I was blindsided because I thought everything had been going well. I felt angry, ashamed, and mistrustful. My therapist helped me put the situation in perspective by giving me a journal to jot down my feelings in an uncensored way and get them out of my head. He said writing about the details of the infidelity twice (once when it’s raw and again a bit later when there’s distance) can help release anger, but focusing on them for longer than that won’t change the situation and can be upsetting. 

It’s so easy to become depressed, stressed, and worried about your love life when someone who meant so much to you hurts you so deeply, especially when you thought you were going to have a family and a future with that person. It can be difficult to see beyond the pain, though having a solid support network helped me focus on healing. It helped me see that the future is bright despite it being different than I had imagined.” —Ashley O., 30

15. I stopped blaming myself.

“The worst part of being cheated on truly is the violation of trust (both trust in myself and my choices and the trust I had for my partner). I felt like my world was flipped upside down. I couldn’t help but partially blame myself for choosing someone who would do this to me. 

Over time, with the help of my wonderful, wonderful counselor, I went through every inch of the relationship. It really helped me put the relationship away and release some of the feelings I was holding inside. Once I got the sadness, hurt, anger, and confusion out, there was less blame to come to terms with.

Then I sat down and made a list of everything I wanted in a future partner, and I realized that the boyfriend who cheated on me barely hit any of the things I was looking for. I had a new sense of ‘this is what I deserve.’” —Maggie S., 24

16. I figured out forgiveness.

“I think being with this person for 12 years of my life was the biggest reason that the cheating cut so deep. The first few days and weeks after finding out, it was hard to get through a day without sobbing. It just came in waves. Sadness felt like a thick, heavy puffer jacket I was wearing day in and day out. I also felt very angry. I was angry that he could ruin everything we built. I was angry at myself for ignoring the red flags in our relationship. 

But here are the things that helped me pull through: 1) Reiterating to myself that the cheating has nothing to do with me or my worth as a person. It’s a reflection of the cheater’s sense of self, their insecurities, and their need for validation and attention. 2) Reminding myself that I am not a victim and that I will make an even better future for myself. 3) Learning that forgiveness takes time and you should never pressure or rush yourself into forgiving someone, but forgiving that person lets you off the hook. It allows your brain and nervous system to break free from them and move on. It’s not something that needs to be said out loud or needs to be an action or conversation. It’s something that you can do in silence in your own head and heart.” —Taylor C., 29

These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 16 People Who’ve Been Cheated on Share How They Coped appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 12.23.24

So You Weren’t Invited—Here’s How to Not Spiral (or Crash the Party)

Your guide to FOMO. ByMadeline Howard Additional reporting bySam Brodsky

If you’ve been feeling left out—which you probably (definitely) have—you know how much it hurts. And it’s not just you: Feeling included and having the sense that you belong is a basic human need. People crave connection. That’s why feeling left out can seem like such a big deal, explains licensed therapist Blake Blankenbecler, LCMHC.

Say you’re not invited to dinner with coworkers or your pals. Whether they meant to leave you out or not, this situation can stir up big feelings like anger or loneliness, notes Blankenbecler. That can lead to things like rumination and negative self-talk. Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought, Why am I the friend who gets left out?!

Here, we asked experts how to deal with not being invited when you’re in the middle of a loneliness spiral so you can see yourself out of it.

Step 1: Find some calm.

While you might feel resentment, anger, or frustration, causing a raucous might not be the best move for you or anyone else involved, Blankenbecler notes. Reacting impulsively on your feelings can lead to unnecessary conflict, especially if it’s based on your assumptions (turns out, feelings aren’t always facts). 

Instead, focus your energy on calming down. That process can help you see things more rationally. Take a walk, focus on your senses (like feeling the ground beneath your feet), or name the supportive people and places that make you feel safe, suggests Blankenbecler.

Step 2: Consider why you’re actually upset.

If social media is how you found out you’re not invited, you’ll probably have FOMO. “Everyone is only portraying the best parts. It gives the impression that everyone else is happy and you’re not,” says clinical psychologist Janet Brito, PhD, founder of the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health. So take a step back and think about whether you’d actually make it to that event—or if you’d honestly want to be there.

It’s possible that you’re more upset about seeing the highlight on IG where everybody looked like they were having the most fun without you. If that’s the case, try to remember that there’s always more to the story than what you get in a caption (like the two hours of traffic it took to get to the restaurant or the drama you wouldn’t have wanted to deal with anyway). 

Giving yourself a quick reality check (do you really feel like putting on pants right now?) might put things into perspective and help you feel better. You can also consider if other stuff in your life is making you more sensitive to social FOMO right now, Blankenbecler suggests. Perhaps those things are making you feel extra lonely or upset. 

Step 3: Call out mean voices in your head.

You probably don’t know why you weren’t invited, Dr. Brito says. Be open to the idea that it might’ve been a last-minute get-together or that your friend just wants time with their old work buds. Trust: It could have legit nothing to do with you.  

Yeah, it’s easy to fall into extreme all-or-nothing (or catastrophic) thinking in moments like this, so don’t feel bad about it, says Blankenbecler. Instead, when thoughts like, I’m not good enough, or, I have no friends, or, All my friends suck, are running through your mind, use this as an opportunity to get a little curious about your reaction. Dr. Brito suggests asking yourself, Where is this voice coming from?  From there, question whether these negative thoughts are true. Do you have evidence you’re actually a terrible human without any friends or that every one of your friends is shitty? Probably not! “Be compassionate. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend or a younger child,” Dr. Brito explains. Remember that these thoughts and feelings will pass.

Step 4: Give these friends a quick lil eval.

Sure, you can give someone the benefit of the doubt and prove your thoughts wrong. But, could this non-invite be a red flag? Maybe! That’s especially true if you’ve had an iffy feeling about those friends as of late. “Maybe this is an opportunity for you to separate yourself from them because they’re mean to you,” Dr. Brito says. If this person only makes you feel bad when you’re with them, you might want to take a closer look at those feelings post missed invite.

Step 5: Do something nice for yourself.

Turn off social media, put your phone away, try some self-love affirmations, pick up a book, get in the bath, or do whatever makes you feel safe and taken care of, Dr. Brito says. (Especially if you realize that your friend isn’t really a friend and you need TLC.) Once you’ve identified an activity that works for you, try to do it more often. Over time, it can help your mood and self-worth improve no matter what events you miss out on.

Step 6: Maybe have a convo about it (but also maybe don’t).

Whether you should bring up The Event and your absence depends on the relationship. If it’s casual, like a coworker, maybe it’s not worth confronting them about it, especially if it’s going to impact your day-to-day interactions, Dr. Brito says. If you’re tight with the person who left you out, and you feel like you can talk through it without a major fallout, you can embrace vulnerability by saying something along the lines of, “I heard you planned a group dinner. I felt bad that I wasn’t invited. Did I do anything to upset you? Should we talk about this?”

If they’re straightforward with you, keep an open mind. A true relationship requires honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable at times. When you work through miscommunication or areas where you’ve hurt each other and repair that hurt, you’re actually strengthening the bond you have with each other, says Blankenbecler.

That said, if your close friend’s making excuses and avoiding your question altogether? That’s not a great look.

Step 7: Have a little self-reflection moment.

If it seems like you were intentionally left out and you feel like you’re in a mentally good space to reflect on that, consider taking some time to think about why. Heads up: This might not feel great, so it’s not a bad idea to work through this with the help of a mental health professional or a friend or family member whose opinion you value. Consider (with your journal or with that trusted someone) how you show up socially and if there might be any conflicts in this group that you’ve been ignoring. “Do you tend to take up a lot of space? Are you pretty demanding? Do you need a lot of care? If you’re saying yes to all this, maybe that’s why they didn’t invite you,” Dr. Brito explains. It’s possible there’s some stuff you need to work through in these adult friendships—but this does not  mean you’re a bad person. The fact that you’re self-assessing in the first place is a sign that you’re someone who cares about others. 

Step 8: Lean into genuine friendships. 

Whether or not you want space from the friend who didn’t invite you, focusing on other bonds can help you feel better. FOMO doesn’t sting as badly when you know there are good people in your life.

If you don’t have too many close friends, that’s OK! Blankenbecler recommends surrounding yourself with as many potential connections as possible. Join a group workout class or book club. Go to networking events in your industry. Putting yourself out there can help you suss out which connections feel good and which don’t, she notes.

Step 9: Think about getting professional support.

If you find yourself stuck in this pattern of feeling left out or on the fringe of your social interactions often, you might want to consider finding a mental health professional to discuss your relationships, notes Blankenbecler. With a therapist, you can talk about the feelings you continue to experience and come up with healthy coping skills to deal, she says.

A therapist can also help you assess the authenticity of your friendships, decide if you want to foster new ones, and pinpoint if there are ways you can step up in your existing relationships—basically, most of the steps we already addressed but with extra support!

The post So You Weren’t Invited—Here’s How to Not Spiral (or Crash the Party) appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 12.06.24

27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout

Sometimes adding to cart is the best way to show up for someone. BySam Brodsky

We all know someone who is really going through it. And, if you’ve been there, you’re very aware that hearing, “Just relax and take care of yourself!” is wildly unhelpful. A less annoying and more useful approach: sending over a thoughtful present that might actually help them incorporate TLC into their chaotic life. Enter: self-care gifts.

Self-care can be a lot of things: drinking enough water, getting outside, calling your people when you need them. But it doesn’t always have to be so basic. ICYMI, self-care is any activity that provides “a protective buffer against stress,” therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, previously told Wondermind. Those little habits enable you to handle setbacks and overwhelm more easily. In this moment of chaos, we could all use that superpower. 

Whether you’re shopping for a stressed friend or your frazzled self (’tis the season!), we found some of the best self-care gifts for decompressing, easing anxiety, and creating moments of calm.

The post 27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 11.25.24

18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health

One woman left an office job after her boss made her clean the toilets. #NoThanks. BySam Brodsky

If you’re on week 12 of asking your group chat, “Should I quit my job?” or you’ve secretly Googled, “quitting job for mental health,” during every shitty meeting, this one’s for you. 

Whether you’re overworked, your company culture is toxic as heck, or your job doesn’t align with what’s important to you, any of that can make you feel burnt to a crisp, says Christina Maslach, PhD, researcher on job burnout and professor of psychology (emerita) at the University of California, Berkeley. And while quiet quitting can sometimes buy you time, it’s probably not a long-term solution to a problematic workplace. 

Maybe you’re tempted to just suck it up and try a little conflict management until something better comes along, so here’s a friendly reminder: Burnout can snowball into negative self-esteem, anxiety, or depression, explains Dr. Maslach, coauthor of The Burnout Challenge: Managing People’s Relationships with Their Jobs. Your crappy work life could spill over into a crappy life  life (see: crashing out).

If you’re self-aware enough to spot the signs that your gig isn’t a fit anymore, quitting a job for mental health reasons might make sense—even if you don’t have a backup plan. Obviously, if you had a stockpile of savings and/or you were sure you could find a less terrible job fast, you would’ve done that by now. We get that. So how do you know if forgoing a paycheck will be less stressful than resenting work? There’s truly no right answer here.

That said, we spoke to people who quit jobs for their mental health (without another lined up) to learn how they navigated that decision and its aftermath. Hopefully, their stories will help you find your own path forward. 

1. Ask yourself what achievement looks like.

“Last year, I left a six-figure sales job because I was so stressed out and unhappy. I had zero passion for what I was doing and had to be available 24/7. I felt trapped in a world that I never wanted to be in and knew that corporate America would drain me of all my sanity if I stayed any longer. It affected my mood at home and heightened my anxiety. My partner felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me because the stress from work would often make me snap.  

I learned that no job is worth losing yourself. I decided to take the time I needed to figure out my next step instead of  jumping into another job that would perpetuate the cycle of unhappiness. In the end, that meant going for a degree in social work, which is a field that actually inspires and fulfills me. Sure, I’ve lost money that took me years to save, but I’m so much happier now. It’s safe to say that quitting a job for my mental health was 100% worth it.” —Mallory H., 29

2. Separate your identity from your job.

“I quit my teaching job because of burnout and anxiety. I taught through the pandemic and the chaotic time that followed. I had to teach two to three curriculums at once to a variety of learning levels and an average of 200 students each year. I felt very little support in my workplace. It got to the point where I was anxious on weekends and breaks because I dreaded going back. Still, I used to always say, ‘I am  a teacher.’ I felt like teaching was part of who I am and that couldn’t change, even with a dark cloud over me at all times.

I had a wake-up call that life is too short to be this miserable when it can end at any point. I spent the next year planning my exit from education and resigned the following winter without anything lined up. After being unemployed for a bit, I started an internship to learn cybersecurity, and that company eventually hired me as a full-time employee.

I’ve learned that a career does not define you. It is so easy to get stuck in the identity of whatever field you choose to pursue. Reframing your mindset and separating your job from who you are is so important for overall mental well-being. A job comes and goes, but your mental health stays with you forever.” —Helen E., 29

3. Notice how your job is affecting you.

“I began to feel a real imbalance between my professional and personal life. My wake-up call was brutal and happened when I worked until 8 p.m. the day I was supposed to celebrate my birthday. After quitting, I learned that prioritizing my mental health was the best decision, even if it felt terrifying at the time. I realized how important it is to set boundaries and recognize when a job is no longer serving you, no matter how much experience or growth it initially offered. Trusting myself, despite not having a clear plan forward, allowed me to rebuild and find opportunities more aligned with my values.

Looking back, I do wish I had leaned more on my support system. It’s easy to isolate yourself when you’re overwhelmed, but reaching out to friends, family, or even a mentor could have made the process less daunting. Finding a community of professionals who’ve faced similar challenges could have been invaluable as well.

My biggest advice is don’t ignore the signs that your work is negatively impacting your mental health. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being. If you’re considering quitting, take time to reflect on what you truly want and, if possible, build a safety net first—financially or by securing another role. However, if you’re at a breaking point, and you can afford it, your mental health 100% has to come first.” —Olivia A., 32

4. Take time to grieve and to plan. 

“I didn’t really notice how much I was suffering until my inner circle voiced how they saw my job impacting my life outside of the office. My family flagged my changes in mood, specifically my irritability and hopelessness. And my friends noticed my absence.

But I knew for certain I needed to quit when work became debilitating. I struggled to sleep and dreaded getting out of bed. Leaving my job was the best decision, even without having another one lined up—and I would absolutely do it again.

I found that taking time off for myself afterward, rather than frantically taking the first opportunity, was critical to recover from the burnout and emotional fatigue of a toxic workplace. Yes, I did grieve a bit. I needed that time to just feel bad about the situation (and feel bad for myself) before I could move on. 

The time off also allowed me to break down what I needed versus what I wanted from work. I made a list of all the things I couldn’t tolerate in a new position. I also wrote out what I thought I’d been good at in my previous role and what duties I struggled with or didn’t enjoy. This made it easier to pick jobs with responsibilities that fit me better.” —Taylor M.

5. Give extra notice (if you can).

“I quit my job because I felt extremely burnt out and dreaded every workday. I found myself unable to separate my personal and work life to the point where I was experiencing anxiety and depression. Aside from resigning, the best choice I made was giving my employer a 30-day notice—which I know not everyone is able to do. When I looked into applying to jobs again, I had a positive relationship with my higher-ups, who wrote me great recommendations. I also knew the company was understaffed, so I used part of my 30 days to help train a new employee. It was a win-win.” —Anonymous

6. Check in with your support system as early as possible. 

“I worked in healthcare PR. At my old job, I felt like a doctor on call, needing to answer my boss and manager at any time. And instead of any positive feedback, my manager and boss only gave me negative feedback. 

I’ll never forget that my boss used to make me draft every single email, including simple response emails that would be sent to the client, directly to her. I once forgot a comma, and instead of telling me the error I had made in my draft and telling me it was only ONE error, my boss wrote back, ‘I can not get past the first paragraph without finding an error. There are multiple spelling and grammatical errors. Please rewrite.’

I wasn’t sleeping, eating, or taking care of my health. I developed horrific stress headaches and would cry when I went to work. My boss and manager were extremely controlling and out-of-control micromanagers. A couple months after quitting, my tension headaches went away, I started putting myself first, and I became a better version of myself and who I am today. 

At the end of the day, I had a good support system. I also had a unique situation because I lived in NYC and was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, so I was really scared to quit. That being said, getting my parents on board was really important since I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to get another job and I wasn’t sure if I was going to need help paying rent. I had enough savings, but I get really anxious about money and savings (as we all do). And my friends and other coworkers at the job could not have been more supportive too.” —Emma H. 

7. Do your research before jumping right into another job.  

“I’ve held a few jobs in my life that impacted my mental health mostly in the same ways (no appreciation from management, general discomfort from coworkers, etc.). I left because it came to the point where I didn’t want to get up in the morning, my favorite hobbies and stress-reducers weren’t helping me anymore, and I flat out wasn’t enjoying my time outside of work. I was so worried about what had happened the day before or what would happen when I went in the next day. I had managers micromanaging my every move, every email, and every break. No one likes to be watched like a hawk. And whether it was my paranoia or not, it felt as though coworkers were getting in on this game of ‘we didn’t want to hire her so let’s just run her out of the company.’ It became incredibly anxiety-inducing and depressing to exist in that environment. 

After quitting, it did make me feel better—the weight was lifted. However, I did leave feeling incredibly violated. I became desperate at times, picking up the next best thing just because I thought it would be better. The jobs did look better on the outside, but when you’re in a shitty environment, anything looks better. I signed onto a position to have more money, more stability, a different manager, whatever it was, just to fall into similar traps because I didn’t do enough research. I have learned to trust my gut, get out when I can, and research jobs more (ask questions during interviews, read up on reviews of companies, do deep dives on LinkedIn, etc.) to make better judgements and decisions.” —Sam M., 27

8. Don’t rule out self-employment. 

“The office I worked for was very tight-knit, and I was the newbie. Some people were welcoming and others couldn’t have cared less. I became pregnant shortly after being hired and had pregnancy complications that led to bed rest. Not a single person checked in on me then or when I had my baby. When I returned to work, I got COVID. My whole household did. Even my newborn baby. Again, no one from my office checked in on me or wished me well. The owner’s wife baked a cake for everyone’s birthday—except mine. So this atmosphere of being excluded really led me down a road of hating what I did for a living and questioning what I was doing. It led to ill feelings and self-doubt. For a while, I thought maybe I did something wrong. Eventually, I came to the realization that it wasn’t me and they were losing employees for a reason. I decided to exit the working world and stay home with my kids and become self-employed instead.

I now have an Etsy shop selling essential-oil-related products. I found this passion long before I quit my job but was never able to pursue it as fully as I wanted because I didn’t have the time or energy while working. 

I also do food delivery services like DoorDash and help my husband run his business doing exterior cleaning. My advice to others is to have a heart-to-heart with themselves and to do what is truly best for them. Being self-employed is very scary and requires a lot of passion and research. And it’s a huge leap of faith. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you and your family.” —Ashley W., 32 

9. Set a resignation “due date.”

“My mental health rapidly declined at my first job out of college because I had a bad boss. Everyone knew, but no one supported me. We were an in-house marketing team of two for a company with several subdivisions, which meant lots of work and a constant stream of consciousness from my superior from when I logged on in the morning to when I logged off at night. It wasn’t collaboration that was coming through the team’s chat but consistent negative feedback.

I reached out to HR and had a formal conversation with them about how I was being micromanaged and was unhappy with my treatment. They said they’d escalate it to my boss’s supervisor because they were concerned. The escalation didn’t take place. They went directly to my boss who, in turn, seemed to take it out on me. 

I think the best thing I did for myself was quitting when I did. My only regret is that I didn’t quit sooner because I am still dealing with the mental health impact of my previous role and the self-doubt that it ingrained in me. 

Finances were a huge reason why I stayed in my role. I have prided myself in being financially independent ever since leaving college, and it felt absolutely shameful to put that at risk, especially with rent, car payment, insurance payment, and student loans due each month. My advice for those who feel the same anxieties I did about financial insecurity would be this: Give yourself a resignation letter due date and live significantly below your means until then. Stick to that due date, save your money, and start looking, but whether you have a lead on a new role or not, commit to that date. Be a gig worker (Grubhub, Uber, Wag/Rover, Care.com, etc.) and monetize the skills you do have (graphic design, social media/content, website building, writing…whatever) and figure it out until you find the right role that won’t hurt your mental health.” —Anonymous 

10. Maybe don’t start a new job right away if you’re still struggling mentally.

“I had a harassment situation at a previous job. I took a new one right away, which was amazing, but it turns out that I was not ready to work again. And so I had to quit that new job in order to take care of my mental health.

I was extremely lucky that I had the finances to be able to leave without a plan B, but I also had no choice. I had left a very bad job to go into a great one without taking the time I needed to heal. As a result, I was still feeling terrible and was not able to give my best. When you are in an ideal situation and you still feel horrible, unable to be present or efficient, you have no choice but to stop and take care of yourself. So my advice is this: Take the time you need to heal. Getting into a new job, even if it’s great, will not fix your mental health. Taking care of yourself will. And the next great job will be that much more amazing with you at 100%.” —Juliette C., 32

11. Ask yourself what you truly want before you leave.

“Between experiencing severe burnout and recognizing that I was meant for so much more than just designing emails, creating banner ads for products I didn’t care about, and changing retail prices over and over and over again, I decided to quit. Now, don’t get me wrong…there were still a handful of good things that I learned from this job, like working with a great boss who was always in my corner and learning to be open, honest, and clear with communication skills.

But the job was still the job. It was extremely repetitive and draining. My mental health and way of thinking started to suffer and decline to a deeply resentful, negative, and depressive space. I was choosing the same thing day in and day out, knowing how it made me feel, hoping that one day I would suddenly love my job and love what I did. 

My honest advice for others thinking about quitting without any other job lined up, like I did, would be to ask yourself: Do I love what I do? Does my job make me happy? What do I really want right now? And is this job supporting what I need? 

I think we often associate our happiness or our self-worth so deeply with our job, career, and overall output of work that we forget to pause and check in with ourselves to ask if this is right for us, if it’s helping or hurting us, and what we value most. I would highly recommend doing some reflection for yourself around the topic before jumping to conclusions and taking a leap of faith that may seem like it is for a good and reasonable cause but ends up being a decision that may impact your mental health state even more negatively. It all depends on the person. 

Asking these questions also helps us take one step forward in the right direction and make the changes that we want to make—one being a better, more fitting job that won’t negatively affect our mental health—because we’re thinking more clearly and know what we will and will not tolerate. In the end, you know you  best. Lining up another job before you quit your current one may very well be the best thing for you personally, and that’s OK. But it’s also OK to take time off to get your head clear and your mind right so that you can make better choices in the future.” —Jess S.

12. Treat yourself like the asset you are.

“I ultimately quit my first job out of college toward the beginning of the pandemic. I had been there about four and a half years, long before COVID hit, and I had a toxic relationship with my company. It was a marketing agency with demanding clients and a rather small team, considering the volume of work we were doing. There was a lot of over-promising and over-delivering without any reflection or rest, which snowballed into a heavy amount of stress. I did have a lot of autonomy and responsibility that I enjoyed, but I was exhausted at the end of every day.

I had five bosses in the time I was there, so the lack of interest in my growth or having any sort of stability in my department contributed to the burnout too. Once COVID hit, the business I worked on was restructured and I began reporting into my fifth and last boss. She was unbelievably cold and rude, and she lacked empathy at any level. Dealing with her and the long hours left no time for me to figure out how I was going to get out of the hamster wheel I found myself in.

All of that said, I became awful to be around. I couldn’t sleep, I would find myself sobbing at least once a day, I became nauseous whenever I tried to eat, I started having heart palpitations, and I was mean. I knew I needed to quit.

The complete turnaround in my health and my demeanor upon leaving that job was immediate. Even my final two weeks were so different from what the experience had become. In starting my second job, and the others I’ve had after that, I’ve been very clear with my managers and teams about boundaries. I’m no longer available at any and all hours. It’s now a nonnegotiable that I need to have some movement in my day too, whether that’s a Peloton class, going to the yoga studio, or even just taking a walk around the neighborhood. I’ve learned that I need to put myself first and prioritize my well-being in order to be an asset in the workplace. Tired, mean, hungry Me is not going to produce anything useful. 

My advice for others is to take the leap if they are thinking about quitting their jobs without another lined up. Definitely have an emergency fund of sorts to cover your expenses between roles. I had that, and even though I found a new role relatively quickly, knowing I’d be OK for several months was a big factor in my decision. This also gives you the time to reassess your career with a clear head and determine what the right next step is.” —Anonymous 

13. Quitting may help you realize your value.

“At the time, I was in my 20s as a healthcare manager for a well-known London hospital, and I experienced workplace bullying from hospital consultants. It went on for a number of months, and I was broken. I had gotten myself into very unhealthy working practices so they wouldn’t have any ammunition: working long hours, trying to carry a heavy workload, responding to all emails, working when off sick or on holiday. I was stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and felt awful physically and mentally.

I saw a leadership coach, who made me realize the only thing in this situation that I could control was myself. I had a choice. I did not need to stay in this environment, and I trusted that whatever happened, I would find work and be OK regardless. I took on a temporary role, which was a breath of fresh air, staying for a year until the ideal permanent opportunity came along. I absolutely learned from this that no job was worth my sanity. I also realized my value. This was a lesson that when you trust in yourself, great things happen.” —Merrisha G.

14. Get an outside perspective from someone you trust.

“I quit because I felt disrespected by coworkers and a manager. I was already on the fence before coming into this one specific shift, but after being verbally accosted by a coworker and completely unsupported by management, I didn’t even give a two-week notice. I told them I would finish the shift and then I was done. I was so drained at this job. Between being a student and working three-to-four times a week at this restaurant gig, I had no free time, even though I needed the money. I missed family vacations and left hangouts with friends early to meet the demands of my schedule, which really isolated me. I also had zero energy when I was off the clock. I would sleep all day until my shift, work my ass off for hours, and then go home and crash.

When I quit, I was really freaked out. Even though it would have been a lot less stressful if I had another job lined up, the way I quit spoke to the effects the job had on my mental health. I had messaged my partner earlier that day, asking if he thought we could swing it if I left because I knew this shift was my last straw. I didn’t want to put the bills on him, and I knew this would be a dramatic cut to my already low funds. He told me we would figure it out and that my mental health was more important than money. I am so thankful for him because without him, I would still be there.” —Michaela A., 27

15. Consider therapy to help work through any trauma or uncertainty. 

“I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector most of my life, trying to help others and neglecting myself. I most recently worked in the homeless service sector with people with lots of trauma. Vicarious trauma is real. Thankfully, I saved money in case I decided to leave. I’m glad I did that, and I have a therapist who is helping me navigate the uncertainty of what’s next.” —Anonymous

16. Decide how you want to better approach your next job.

“I’ve been an overachieving perfectionist my whole life (but only recently got diagnosed with OCD). I was so excited to start my first full-time job after college on a small staff. I loved the duties I got to do and enjoyed my team members, but I was always being pulled in so many directions. I stayed at the job for a little over two years. 

When I left, my bosses were shocked, which frustrates me to this day because I had told them at my second annual review (where I received a promotion), several months before, that I was feeling burnt out and needed something to change. Nothing did, so I took matters into my own hands.

I feel fortunate that I was in a financial position to put in my two-weeks notice without knowing what would come next. The giddy euphoria I felt afterwards so outweighed the dread I had felt leading up to it. I was able to put in my last two weeks on a good note and take two weeks off before I started a new job (which I was offered the week after I put my notice in).

During the time off, I looked up healthy habits for the workplace and figured out how I could apply those. Thankfully, my new job environment has its own protections against burnout, but I still stick to my new routine. The best things I’ve done are waking up an hour earlier than I need to for breakfast, doing simple chores like making my bed and unloading dishes, and taking time to snuggle and play with my cats. At my old job, I’d rush to work, arrive just on time, and begrudgingly eat breakfast at my desk feeling like I had no control over my time. Now, I start every morning fueling up and putting myself in charge of my day.” —Ashley F., 24

17. Check out workplace mental health resources if you can.

“I taught behavioral science for eight years. It was extremely rewarding in the beginning, but my relationship with my boss, who had mentored me and was a teacher of mine—because it was the same institution where I’d gone to school—became toxic. That really took a toll on my mental health. A lot of lines were blurred between personal and professional. 

At the same time, I was noticing more and more mental health issues in my students, and our counseling services at the school were not so great. I was in therapy already, but if faculty members wanted to seek any kind of support services at the school, there was really only one school psychologist who was rarely ever there.

Between the toxic relationship with my boss and the students’ stories when they came to me after class, with me taking on their trauma and having my own, it was out of control. I was coming home hysterical every day, and so I ultimately decided to leave. 

I would try to research if there are mental services in your company or what your company has in terms of time off. Also look into that if you’re trying to find another job once you’ve quit. I would like to think the lack of resources has changed.” —Lindsay A., 37

18. Remember your worth and that there’s no one definition of success.

“I quit my job because I worked in a soul-sucking office environment where our bosses constantly looked over our shoulders to ensure we were being productive. They were so obsessed with making sure they didn’t pay us for even a second that we weren’t working that we had to clock out when we went to the bathroom or to microwave our sad frozen meals. 

Obviously, this affected my mental health. Not only did they mistrust us with their time and pressure us to keep constant focus, but they also forced us—most often women—to perform menial tasks like moving boxes in and out of storage and cleaning toilets. In a setting where I felt constantly watched, often doubted, and sometimes demeaned, I began to feel hopeless and disempowered. I was only there for five months. 

The final straw for me was when my boss forced me to clean a toilet and then, in the same week, gave me a measly $1,000 raise, where most people in the office received $2,000 or $3,000 raises. When I asked my boss for the reasoning behind my lower raise, he explained to me that that’s what he thought I was worth. I told him, with tears in my eyes, that I couldn’t continue to work there—even though I didn’t have a job lined up and had just moved into my first apartment with my own lease two months prior, the only saving grace being that I split the rent with my boyfriend at the time. 

I handed out paper résumés, looking for freelance jobs, side gigs, anything I was slightly interested in at places that had positive environments. At the end of the day, I ended up with a part-time job working for a florist and a freelance gig writing blog content for a boutique.

I immediately loved the flower shop. Everyone was nice, the admin work was easy, and I occasionally got to clean and arrange flowers, which genuinely made me happy. And when I realized I was happy, I did another thing: I stopped feeling bad about not achieving my definition of success within two years of college graduation. I stopped feeling bad that I didn’t have a full-time job with a career trajectory outlined, and I gave myself a break. I told myself it was OK to take time and find a corporate environment that could give me a higher salary, job security, and the future career I looked forward to—as long as I kept myself safe, sane, and far away from anywhere like my last job. If I had a job that was making me miserable, I would quit without a backup plan again in a heartbeat—without cleaning a toilet this time.” —Marisa W. 

These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 09.26.24

25 Writing Prompts to Help You Sort Through Your Feelings

Let’s get to the bottom of this, shall we? ByNikhita Mahtani

Journaling. You’ve heard of her. Everyone and their mom sings its praises for navigating anxiety, feeling stuck, and yes, even reflecting on a good day. And there’s a reason for that: Using writing prompts to journal can help you process your emotions, recognize negative thought patterns, and ultimately reduce the intensity of uncomfy feelings, says therapist Noah Clyman, LCSW.

That’s pretty magical. But how do you journal when you’re sort of at a loss? When you don’t know what emotion you’re experiencing or why it’s happening, you might just shove those unidentifiable vibes down till further notice. Turns out, journaling can be helpful in those instances too. By using some introspective writing prompts or questions, you can figure out what you’re feeling and what’s triggered it, says therapist Julianne Furniss-Green, LCSW. 

And getting to the bottom of those “what is this feel?” type of feelings can provide lots of useful intel, Furniss-Green adds. “Figuring out your emotions is the first step to creating a more authentic connection with yourself and realizing what makes you feel fulfilled,” she explains.

By working through some writing prompts, you might learn that you have mixed feelings about, say, your friends’ pregnancy news (Yay, babies! Ahh! Change is scary!). That allows you to name the emotions, understand their origin, pinpoint how they physically show up, and start thinking about the best way to respond. All of that can be a relief.

If you keep up the habit, in time you’ll be able to pinpoint what you’re feeling quickly without writing it out. That’s what the pros call self-awareness, and it helps you process the uncomfortable feelings faster, says Clyman. As for the positive vibes? Well, you’ll be able to hang out in those states for longer periods of time, which is also a win. 

So, do you want to start figuring out exactly what’s been going on inside that head of yours? We asked the pros to share the writing prompts they give their clients to sort through their feelings and find some calm. “These prompts can be very specific and encourage much more self-discovery,” says Clyman. If you‘re down, check out these writing prompts that can help you answer, “What the hell am I even feeling right now?” Behold! 

1. What does your ideal situation look like right now?
2. Where in your body is there an uneasiness, and what does it mean to you?
3. What are the biggest sources of stress in your life, and how can you address them?
4. What are you the most grateful for lately and why?
5. Is there something or someone you need to let go of in order to feel better? Journal on the first person or thing that comes to mind, examining how they impact you.
6. What advice would you give a friend in your current situation?
7. What is the story you’re telling yourself right now about your current situation?
8. On a scale of 1 to 10, rank how this situation feels in terms of intensity, and try to pinpoint what triggered this intensity in you.
9. Is there another time in your life when you felt this exact same way? What happened then, and how does it relate to this time in your life?
10. How have you been reacting to this experience? Is this reaction serving you? Why or why not?
11. Examine why you reacted the way you did. What did it bring up for you?
12. Is there anything you wish you had done differently during this experience? Why or why not?
13. Do you feel like this emotion comes up often, or was it a one-off thing? If it’s often, do you see a pattern between this experience and previous experiences that have brought on this emotion?
14. What is your worst case scenario and why? What does that bring up in you?
15. What is the likelihood of your worst case scenario coming true? Why does your mind automatically jump to that conclusion? Did it happen in the past?
16. What is one thing you can do daily to mitigate this emotion before it comes to the surface?
17. What is the story you’re telling yourself about your abilities and what this situation means about you? Do you feel not good enough, abandoned, taken for granted, or something else? Why does this feeling come up?
18. Write down your situation as if you were telling it to a third party in order to help you examine it from an outside perspective.
19.  Do you think you’ve been avoiding anything lately, like a task, a person, or an emotion? Why do you think that is?
20. What are your strongest and weakest relationships like? What personality traits do you think they bring about in you?
21. Examine your self-talk. What are the things you’ve been saying the most to yourself, and how do they make you feel? 
22. What are the things you’re most looking forward to and why? What emotions do they bring out in you?
23. What are some of your goals and are you working toward achieving them? Why or why not? Is there anything you can do right now that’ll get you closer to them?
24. Write a goodbye letter to this situation and notice how you feel after. What seems to have been released? How does that make you feel?
25. What are the most obvious emotions you’re feeling right now?

The post 25 Writing Prompts to Help You Sort Through Your Feelings appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 07.31.24

We Asked Couples Therapists About The Ick

Nope, it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. ByIsabel Mata

If you’ve been on TikTok lately or watching Love Island nonstop (both at the same time?), you’ve definitely heard about “the ick.” It’s that out-of-nowhere, grossed out feeling you get when the person you’re dating, just met, or even in a long-term relationship with does something totally benign yet also personally horrifying and your immediate (mental) reaction is: Ick.

It could be showing up in flip flops to go out for dinner, mispronouncing something, or loving Nicolas Cage movies. Whatever the infraction, no matter how petty, it causes a pretty seismic shift in your attraction to them. 

So, why do we get the ick and how bad is it exactly? Is it the kiss of death that most people make it out to be, or can someone come back from it? Also, should we even listen to the ick or are we all just being way too picky? We turned to mental health pros to get their take on this phenomenon. 

What is the ick?

It should come as no shock to you all that this is not a clinical term. That said,  “the ick” is basically a sudden and often inexplicable feeling of repulsion or aversion towards someone you were previously attracted to. That shift changes how you see them and can make you question future interactions or your relationship in general, says couples therapist Emily J. Burke, LMFT.

The ick isn’t that different from feeling disgusted, or that strong, self-protective reaction to something that might be harmful or unclean, says clinical psychologist Sasha Berger, PhD. Like disgust, the ick signals that a behavior or trait is inherently unpleasant or wrong (even if it’s just Crocs).

While this blegh experience is most common in the dating world and romantic partnerships, the ick can also happen with family, friends, co-workers, peers, or any relationship dynamic, Burke says.

Why do we get the ick? 

Most of the time, the ick stems from cultural or societal ideas that are ingrained in us, explains couples therapist Alejandra Galindo, LMFT. Like that people who look at themselves in windows as they walk by must be shallow, people who drop heavy weights in the gym must be deeply insecure, and those who say, “It’s the white elephant in the room,” must be not that bright. Of course, none of these things are inherently true, but depending on how you were raised or what societal messages you bought into, you probably have your own mental list of behaviors you deem personally unacceptable (or icky).

So, if someone acts in a way that defies your norms, you might get the ick as those social boundaries and your sense of what’s appropriate or attractive are reinforced. When it comes to romantic interests, your icks are probably related to specific traits that you’re looking for in a partner, even if the logic isn’t totally sound. For instance, maybe you’re most attracted to people with a confident or assertive vibe, so hearing your date accidentally snort-laugh gave you the biggest ick—even though it was fully involuntary and probably says nothing about who they are as a person or partner!  

How to get over the ick

Listen, it’s not easy to get past those unsettling feels, but if you take a sec to process, you can salvage the situation or just avoid judging someone based on a random thing they did (always helpful). 

The trick is to understand and address where this reaction came from, says Galindo. Say your immediate response to someone scooching across a booth on a date is *barf emoji*. Try to feel your feelings. Taking a pause can help you understand more about the emotions coming up to the surface when you’re icked out. It’s possible there’s some feelings underneath the ew, like fear or contempt. Those are definitely worth unpacking. 

Next, think about the origin story of this response. Once you understand why their actions set you off, you can address it, explains Burke.

That’s especially helpful if your ick is related to a bigger issue, like something that happened in your past (a toxic ex who was also a scoocher, perhaps?). But it’s not always that deep. Maybe you struggle with compromise or have unrealistic expectations of the people in our life. You could also just put a lot of stock into cultural norms and your level of cringe or embarrassment in this moment made you feel less excited about being seen with them. Whatever you discover, reflecting on the source can help you determine if this ick is more about you than them or a sign of a more serious incompatibility, explains Galindo.

From there, you can take action. For example, if this turnoff stems from ingrained societal norms or personal biases, spend time thinking about all the reasons why they did or said whatever grossed you out. Curiosity is key, says Burke. Maybe scooching is the only way to move in that particular seating situation or they just really love wearing flip flops. Challenging your assumptions and reevaluating your standards can help you navigate relationships with more flexibility and less judgment. 

If you discover that your reaction is linked to past trauma, working through these issues with a therapist can be beneficial. Dr. Berger adds, “Healing from past emotional triggers can help reduce the intensity of the ick and make it easier to approach relationships with a fresh perspective.”

And, just to be clear, sometimes icks actually do illuminate an obvious sign of incompatibility. For instance, if you get the ick from someone being short with a waiter, lighting up a cigarette, or rolling their eyes at a crying baby, those might be more about mismatched values or personalities than arbitrary ick responses. So if you realize this ick is actually tied up in one of your relationship non-negotiables, it might not be something you “get over” but it probably warrants a conversation.  

Should I tell someone they gave me the ick? 

In some cases, it can actually be really helpful. Talking about an ick that’s rooted in trauma from your past or that can’t be solved by lowering your standards (or both) can help you manage and even overcome these feelings. That can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship in the long run, explains Galindo.

That said, don’t skip those steps above. Unfortunately, just blurting out, “OMG. Never again!” without reflecting on the feelings it brings up and where that response might have come from isn’t very helpful for either of you. If you rush this convo, it’s highly likely that the person you’re with will feel defensive and shut down, Galindo adds. So, sit with the ick, identify those emotions, think about where this aversion came from, and talk to your partner about what you learned using I statements, suggests Galindo. That will help you communicate your feelings while minimizing the risk of hurt feelings—no matter how niche your ick.

The post We Asked Couples Therapists About The Ick appeared first on Wondermind.