Explainer Link Copied 01.30.25

Let’s Talk About Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

You’re fully aware sleep is good for you. And yet! BySam Brodsky

You know the feeling. It’s been a long day, and you’re exhausted. But instead of sleeping, you scroll. You organize your Pinterest boards. You shop online for light bulbs. You hit up your Netflix list. You’ve fully entered the revenge bedtime procrastination zone.

You’re sure that you’ll regret staying up, but some part of you says, Fuck it, and you keep going. Next thing you know, you’ve watched two episodes since you first thought, Wait, I should go to bed. I’m exhausted. You need sleep, you want sleep, and yet you’re scrolling through stupid cat videos until 1 a.m. 

It makes no logical sense why we’re like this, but here we are! If you can relate, we asked sleep experts and psychologists to explain why revenge bedtime procrastination happens and how to quit sabotaging your sleep.

What is revenge bedtime procrastination?

Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t a legit sleep disorder, but it’s a very relatable phenomenon that went viral in 2020 after journalist Daphne K. Lee translated it from a Chinese expression describing the same concept, according to the BBC.

“It’s a way of pushing back against a busy schedule or lack of control over your time,” sleep psychologist Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM, explains.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, revenge bedtime procrastination happens when you don’t make time for rest, relaxation, or fun during the day (hence the “revenge”), says behavioral sleep medicine specialist and licensed psychologist Sarah Silverman, PsyD. Then, without a chance to recoup all day, craving downtime outweighs getting to bed when you’re sleepy. 

Psychologically speaking, it’s much easier to prioritize what feels good in the moment (TV) than what might happen the next day (being tired), explains Brad Wolgast, PhD, CBSM, DBSM, a licensed psychologist who’s board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine. 

Revenge bedtime procrastination can also strike when you’re trying to avoid thinking about what horrors may persist tomorrow, notes Dr. Silverman. Sabotaging your slumber to do something fun can “slow down time and avoid the inevitable,” she explains. 

How can I tell if I have revenge bedtime procrastination?

The biggest indicator that you’re a revenge bedtime procrastinator is that you recognize you’re very tired, but you’re still engaging in extracurricular activities, says Dr. Silverman. If this keeps happening on days when you’ve been swamped at work or doing things for other people, that’s another red flag. 

To be clear though, revenge bedtime procrastination is different from being a night owl. If you’re a person who normally feels more alert and productive later in the day, staying up late to scroll is just a normal Tuesday. You can thank your circadian rhythm (aka your internal body clock) for that, Dr. Silverman explains.

Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t the same as insomnia either. Insomnia is a sleep disorder that makes it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep at least three nights per week for three months or longer, per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). That’s very different than keeping yourself awake to soak in “me time” a la revenge bedtime procrastination, explains Dr. Silverman. 

How can I quit revenge bedtime procrastination?

The key to overcoming this nonsensical habit is to get out of your own damn way. It sounds easier said than done, but with a little motivation and a few hacks, you can totally conquer this struggle.

Your brain is craving some OOO time for a reason, so the answer isn’t to deny yourself TV, social media, video games, or whatever you want to do. Instead, find ways to integrate more fun downtime into your day. That can make the need less urgent at night, notes Dr. Harris.

Read in between meetings, call your friend before your next errand, or watch a show while you eat dinner. In a perfect world, you could also replace non-pressing things on your to-do list with personal time, notes Dr. Silverman. “When you create space for self-care during your day, you’re less likely to create space for revenge procrastination before bed.”

If you have to save your Netflix, Instagram, or FaceTime sessions for the evening hours, that’s OK (and understandable). In that case, using an alarm can help you remember your bedtime schedule, says Dr. Silverman. She recommends setting one for 30 minutes or an hour before you want to be asleep. That’s your cue to start winding down. If you’re prone to hitting snooze, set backup alarms for 15-minute intervals to really annoy yourself into prioritizing sleep.  

Having a bedtime routine or ritual that feels like a treat can also help, says Dr. Silverman. You know, something you’ll actually want to stop scrolling for. Maybe you change into the world’s most comfy PJs, drink tea, put on a podcast while you brush your teeth, or diffuse essential oils.

Of course, some of us can push off even the most relaxing bedtime routine for more TV time. That’s why planning something to look forward to in the morning, like a workout class or coffee run with a friend, can help, Dr. Silverman says. That can make you more excited to get to bed. 

Gamifying your bedtime routine can work too. If you get to bed on time five days in a row, reward yourself with something nice, suggests Dr. Silverman. “It’s not just about repeating a routine. It’s about making your routine feel rewarding so that sleep becomes something your mind and body crave rather than resist,” she adds.   

If none of this seems to topple the revenge goblin living in your head, you likely need to find your personal brand of motivation for prioritizing sleep, says Dr. Wolgast. Overcoming bedtime procrastination doesn’t happen just because you know it’s bad for you. It happens when you find the motivation to overcome it and maintain that motivation because you know it’s the best thing for you, he explains. 

Maybe waking up to go for a walk in the morning is easier when you go to bed at 9 p.m. Or perhaps feeling more alert during the workday helps you accomplish tasks faster, which means you have a better chance of doing something fun before dinner. Then, when Netflix starts another episode, you remember your why, turn off the TV, and go brush your teeth with less mental pushback. 

When all else fails, you can always see a sleep specialist if you feel like revenge bedtime procrastination is taking over your (night) life and impacting how you function on the day-to-day, notes Dr. Silverman. These experts can better assess what’s causing your revenge bedtime procrastination and pinpoint other sleep issues.

The post Let’s Talk About Revenge Bedtime Procrastination appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 01.09.25

Let 2025 Be the Year That We Stop Glorifying Exhaustion

The surprising productivity tip you probably haven't tried: slowing the eff down. BySusie Moore

If your social media feeds are anything like mine, you’re currently seeing a whole lot of New Year, New You propaganda encouraging you to hustle harder: Join the 5 a.m. club to meditate, or exercise, or start a new hobby. Wake up early so you can get ahead of everyone else at work—and stay up late to do the same. This year can be your year if you just stay focused—eyes on the prize. 

Year after year, it’s the same message. But what if we rewrote the narrative? What if we decided it’s cooler (and honestly more efficient) to give yourself a damn break every once in a while? Could we stop feeling guilty for sleeping in, canceling plans, or going to bed early? 

If we did, we might find that prioritizing rest is more productive than pushing through physical or mental exhaustion to complete your to-do list. You wouldn’t lend your car to someone too tired to drive, so why let yourself move through life exhausted?

For overachievers or people with big goals, this concept might feel uncomfortable. Maybe you’re used to wearing your fatigue like a sign of virtue, evidence of your work ethic. If that’s the case, here’s a gentle reminder that placing rest last on your list never ends well. As a life coach who works with entrepreneurs and other successful people, this is something I see all the time. 

Here’s why exhaustion and fatigue aren’t something to push through (or an inherent byproduct of a successful life), plus some very good reasons to make time for rest this month.

Fatigue is just feedback.

Have you ever spent time with an over-tired child? The crying, the kicking, the, “No, I don’t want that!!!!!” *screeeechhhhhh* You know adults function the same way, right? Just a tad more restrained. 

I’ll never fail to marvel at how snappy and even a little depressed I get when I’m tired.

I feel the need to move to another continent or overhaul my entire life. But, after a good, long nap and a glass of water, I feel like a brand-new, content, peaceful woman. 

Fatigue acts like a foggy lens that obscures what’s real and what’s good. I therefore owe rest to myself and anyone within a few feet of me. (My husband no longer wants to entertain the idea of packing it all up and moving to a remote Scottish island.)

Our bodies are incredible. They often tell us exactly what they need when they need it. But we don’t always listen. We think we know better, right? I’m a badass *I say as I stifle a yawn and try to hide the fact that my eye is twitching*. The truth is, you can’t hack fatigue. When your body is tired, it’s telling you to slow down. 

A friend of mine was once traveling the world opening up a new chain of retail stores. With the deadlines, jetlag, and her refusal to pause even for a day, after a few weeks she ended up in the hospital with exhaustion. Her body was essentially saying, Enough. It forced her to stop, drop, and rest because she wouldn’t do it herself.

This is an extreme example, I know. Still, I’ve never forgotten it. I think about her and urge anyone to recognize the early stages of their fatigue as a sign that it’s time to take a break. When we don’t make time to rest our bodies, sometimes our bodies choose a time for us. And why lose control of our calendar if we don’t have to? 

Rest drives success.

Recently, I spoke to a client about her intention for 2025. She’s a highly driven entrepreneur who always comes up with new ideas and executes them fast. She started telling me about a new “power move” she wanted to make. She was yawning as she spoke. “Susie, I just feel like I need to go big…” she shared, enthusiasm-less. 

“I understand that a power move matters to you,” I answered, “But maybe we start with a power rest!” She sat up straighter. So did I. I was kind of surprised by my own words (life coaches are all about action, baby), but they felt true.

When we’re tired, we don’t have as much to give—even if our aspirations are super high. But when we take a break, we might move faster than we ever could have without doing so. 

It’s sort of like the agricultural concept of a “fallow year.” This is a year in which fields are intentionally left unplanted so the soil can replenish itself. That can fuel its future productivity and prepare the ground for long-term abundance. What I’m saying is a deliberate pause helps everything regenerate. A break isn’t an indulgence, it’s an investment.

Sounds good in theory, but I’ve seen this play out in real life too. For example, one of my clients, an attorney with crazy hours, started implementing a 10 p.m. bedtime—and it completely changed the game for her.

Her focus was sharper during the day, it was easier for her to solve problems at work, and she felt more energized about her life as a whole. She even started reading fiction again, something she loved but felt too lethargic after work to bother with.

Sleep has the power to reveal the real, full you. What might fatigue be blotting out in your life? We owe it to ourselves to find out.

Saying no is a sign of self-respect.

When I was a new, side-hustling life coach, I juggled clients and kept up a busy full-time day job that required lots of travel. That made rest even more essential. To chill out, I’d joyfully skip weekend social plans and end-of-day happy hours. “Sorry, can’t!” was all I’d say—and the right people understood. 

I’d also give myself one whole day per week to do absolutely nothing (no cooking, no spin class, no laundry, no mani-pedi, nothing). I knew I needed time to decompress to keep doing it all. I also knew that no one else would—or could—institute a rest day for me. 

These boundaries created a sense of respect for myself, and I noticed that the world responded in kind. When I showed up to events I was appreciated (nothing like a little scarcity to boost demand), my people knew I wanted to be there, I was in a great mood, and I was present. What better way to build a life coaching business and promote my skillset than coming as my best self? 

If you have lofty goals, respecting your own boundaries helps you prioritize rest. Plus, the act of putting your needs (see: sleep, downtime, doing nothing) at the top of the to-do list might even help you reach those goals faster.

Craving rest is a reason to take it.

I’ll never forget a text I received from a friend after news broke about a celebrity being placed on house arrest. “I envy her!” it read, “think of all the sleep she’ll get!”

I laughed out loud then immediately felt a little…sad? I felt similarly when my friend’s super-energetic mum had knee surgery and said, “Susie, this is the first time I did nothing for years! Who knew surgery could be nice?” It was fascinating how, even in a jokey sense, we need some dramatic circumstance to help us slow down.

If you’ve ever secretly wished for the flu so you could take a mental break or felt jealous of someone taking time off (of their own volition or not), that’s your sign to do the same. 

There are plenty of pro-productivity reasons to rest—and we’ve talked about a lot of them already. However, wanting to take a break is reason enough to just take one. You don’t have to emerge slaying your KPIs to justify time off. 

To me, a lack of rest is often a manifestation of a lack of self-love. Imagine if your partner or best friend only took a break when something extreme happened. If they were feeling burned out, I’m pretty sure you’d tell them to take a beat and rest up—not to push through until they have a more legit excuse. That’s so mean! So why do we say that to ourselves? 

I say, stop the madness! If we need a minute, let’s put ourselves under a metaphorical house arrest. *No ankle monitor necessary! 

Susie Moore is host of the Let It Be Easy podcast.

The post Let 2025 Be the Year That We Stop Glorifying Exhaustion appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 12.31.24

How to Know If You’re Actually Getting Enough Sleep

How much can your sleep tracker really tell you? ByCarolyn Todd

By now, we all know that sleep is pretty damn important. (The endless stream of sleep tracking products has made that abundantly clear!) Getting enough shut-eye is crucial for your mental and physical health—as well as just, you know, feeling like a human. And big shifts in your sleeping patterns can even be a tip-off that you’re dealing with depression or anxiety (among other things). 

But—quick question—how do you actually know if you’re getting enough sleep? Is the magic number really eight hours? Should you use a sleep tracker? (How accurate are those things anyway?) Should we all be getting sleep studies just in case?

We checked in with some sleep experts to answer all these questions and more.  

How much sleep do you really need? 

We hate to tell you that your whole life has been a lie but…that blanket eight-hours recommendation isn’t necessarily right for all of us. 

“Everybody needs a different amount of sleep, and a person needs different amounts of sleep at different times in their life,” says Jade Wu, PhD, a board-certified behavioral sleep medicine psychologist. 

How much rest you need largely depends on your genetics and age, Dr. Wu says. For example, your bestie might biologically need only seven hours of sleep to be well-rested, while your body genuinely requires nine. (Research shows there are even people who feel just peachy on four to six hours, thanks to certain genetic mutations.) 

Also worth noting: “we require less and less sleep as we age,” says Alicia Roth, PhD, a clinical health psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic who is board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine. In general, experts recommend teens ages 14-17 get eight to ten hours, adults 18-64 get at least seven hours, and adults over 65 get seven to eight hours, according to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF). (Again, these are just general recommendations.) 

How to know if you’re getting enough sleep 

OK, so how do you know if you’re getting what your body needs? It’s actually pretty straightforward. “The easiest and really the only way to tell whether you’re getting enough sleep is by how you feel during the day,” says Dr. Wu. “Are you feeling sleepy?” 

Before you roll your eyes and tell us that you’ve been tired since 2019, hear us out. Sleepy isn’t the same as regular tired, experts say. “Tired is like, you’re dragging, you don’t have energy, you don’t feel up to it,” Dr. Wu explains. “You might feel exhausted and lethargic. But if you actually try to lay down and sleep, you can’t. Because you’re not actually sleepy.” 

Being sleepy means that you could legitimately doze off right now if given the opportunity. “Or maybe if someone put on a boring enough movie, you could,” Dr. Wu says. “That means you’re not getting enough sleep.” And if you are actually taking naps and still struggling to keep your eyes open? You’re definitely underslept, says Shelby Harris, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in New York who specializes in behavioral sleep medicine. 

Obviously, it’s common to feel both tired and sleepy if you’re not snoozing enough. But tiredness on its own can be caused by things like stress, boredom or dehydration, Dr. Wu says—whereas sleepiness only comes from not getting enough sleep or enough good quality sleep (more on that later).

A few quick caveats here: If you feel like you could go back to bed right after waking up, don’t sweat it. “Often people judge how well they slept last night by how they feel first thing in the morning. But that first half hour is not supposed to feel good,” Dr. Wu says. Unpleasant as it is, it’s normal to feel groggy and a little out of it for the first 30 minutes or so of your day, Dr. Wu says. It’s OK if you get a bout of drowsiness in the afternoon too, she adds—that’s just the rhythm of your body’s inner clock.

Also: If you’re only able to keep your eyes open with an ungodly amount of cold brew, you could still be underslept. Guzzling a lot of caffeine “might mask your natural sleepiness,” Dr. Wu explains. “So unmedicated alertness is what we’re looking for.”

Other signs you might be underslept include a crabby mood, difficulty concentrating, and shaky short-term memory, Dr. Roth says. But something like moodiness “can be due to a million things,” Dr. Harris points out, like stress or depression. (And it’s pretty common for poor sleep and mental health issues to overlap, Dr. Roth notes.) That’s why sleepiness is the main red flag. 

Can sleep tracking products tell you if you’re sleeping enough? 

“Yes, but with a grain of salt,” Dr. Wu says. For instance, if you just want to know how much sleep you’re getting, “a wearable can probably tell you that,” Dr. Wu says. While some tracking devices are more accurate than others, Dr. Harris says that most have gotten pretty good at telling you the total amount of time your body is asleep. (At least for the average, healthy, young or middle-aged person. Dr. Wu says we don’t have much data on how accurate these devices are in everyone, like people with sleep disorders or older people.)

How do these wearables work, exactly? “None of them are actually directly measuring sleep,” Dr. Wu says. (That would require an EEG to measure your brain waves.) Instead, they’re guesstimating using cues from your body that indicate whether you’re likely asleep or awake—like your body position, movements, heart rate, and heart rate variability. 

Pros caution that the only number you want to really trust is your total sleep time, though. They’re more skeptical when it comes to sleep stages and sleep quality grades (like your sleep score or body battery). These numbers are “kind of arbitrary” and haven’t been vetted by sleep scientists, Dr. Wu says. “I wouldn’t say they’re completely useless for sleep staging, but they’re not very reliable across the board,” Dr. Harris adds.

So a wearable can certainly satisfy your curiosity about sleep quantity. And if you’re working on clocking more hours at night and want to hold yourself accountable to that goal, a tracker can help, Dr. Wu says. 

But what a tracker definitely can’t tell you is whether the amount of sleep you’re getting is enough for you, Dr. Wu says. For example, if your tracker tells you you’re only averaging six hours, but you feel bright-eyed and bushy-tailed during the day, you’re probably not sleep-deprived. Or if it says you’re clocking a solid eight hours but you feel sleepy all day, you might be somebody who needs nine hours to function well, or you might even be dealing with an undiagnosed sleep condition. So while these wearables can help validate how you feel during the day and give you something to discuss with a provider, they shouldn’t be the only metric you take into consideration. 

How do you know if you’re getting good quality sleep? 

Let’s say you (and maybe your sleep tracker) are pretty sure you’re getting eight or more hours of sleep a night, but you’re consistently sleepy as hell throughout the day. It’s possible that you’re not getting good quality sleep. The surest sign is if you’re sleeping a lot, but still feeling sleepy all day, Dr. Harris says. 

A few more signs of bad quality sleep include snoring, frequent nightmares, kicking or thrashing a lot, waking up often, grinding your teeth, or getting up to use the bathroom a lot. These are all hints that you might be dealing with a sleep disorder, Dr. Harris says. 

A sleep tracking device could potentially offer some clues, too. While, again, sleep scores or grades might not be totally trustworthy, other data points can indicate less-than-awesome sleep quality. For instance, “It can show that you’re moving around a lot or waking up frequently,” says Dr. Roth. Certain sleep tracking products can also show a drop in oxygen levels or an elevated heart rate, Dr. Harris adds. (All potential symptoms of a sleep disorder.) 

What to do if you’re not getting enough sleep 

If you’re worried you’re slacking in the sleep department, it’s normal to look around for possible solutions. And there are tons out there right now—from natural sleep aids and supplements to various sleep products that promise to turn your bedroom into a bedtime haven. And, of course, sleep studies are an option. 

But before you jump into all that, the experts suggest starting with some free and simple strategies. Like, oh, trying to actually get more sleep (maybe an hour) for a couple weeks and watch what happens. “Even start with 30 minutes more for a few days and see if that helps,” Dr. Harris says. 

To make this happen, you might need to polish up on your sleep hygiene, Dr. Harris says. You know the drill: Stick to a sleep schedule, limit alcohol and caffeine, get some movement during the day, avoid bright screens before bed, have a winddown routine, and keep your room dark, cool, and quiet, per the NSF. (Also, if you’re staying up to push back against a busy schedule, here are some tips for stopping that revenge bedtime procrastination.)

You can also keep a sleep diary for a couple of weeks (using a free app or template) where you record things like your bedtime, wake time, difficulty drifting off, caffeine or alcohol use, exercise, and sleep disturbances. You’re looking for “variables that influence a good night versus a poor night” and “patterns that you may be able to correct on your own,” Dr. Roth says. 

If this helps you get more sleep and curbs the urge to faceplant on your desk during the day: cool, problem solved. You were, in fact, needing more sleep. “But if that’s not helping enough, then you want to see a doctor,” Dr. Harris says. What kind of doctor—and whether you might require a sleep study—depends on your problem.

If you simply can’t sleep more because you’re wide awake in bed for hours, then insomnia is probably to blame. All a sleep study would show is that you’re laying there awake, Dr. Harris points out. (Pretty unhelpful.) Instead, you’ll want to see a sleep psychologist or psychiatrist. They’ll probably treat you with CBT for insomnia, Dr. Harris says—a highly effective short-term therapy that includes behavioral changes and relaxation techniques. (If that’s not enough, medications may also help, she adds.) 

How to know if it’s time for a sleep study 

As comfy as the idea of sleeping hooked up to a bunch of wires in a cold, strange lab might sound, there’s really only one reason you’d need a sleep study: If your doctor suspects that a sleep condition is stopping you from getting enough good-quality sleep. 

So, if you’re getting what seems like enough sleep but you’re still battling daytime sleepiness, or if you’re experiencing any of those signs of poor sleep quality we mentioned (snoring, frequent nightmares, or waking up a lot), a sleep study is a good idea.  

You can start with your primary care provider or go straight to a sleep specialist (depending on your insurance situation). A PCP can screen you for potential sleep disorders, including the most likely culprit, per Dr. Wu: Sleep apnea. (It affects about 26% of people between the ages of 30 and 70, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.)

When you have sleep apnea, your breathing stops and starts, waking you up many times (usually without you remembering), and preventing you from reaching those deep, restorative stages of sleep, according to the Mayo Clinic. “You can sleep nine, ten hours but still feel very sleepy during the day,” Dr. Wu says. 

If your doctor suspects sleep apnea or another type of sleep disorder (like narcolepsy or parasomnias), they’ll send you to a sleep specialist who can order a sleep study and figure out what’s going on.

What do these mystical sleep studies entail? There are two types: At-home and in-lab. Doctors will usually opt for an at-home sleep test if you show signs of sleep apnea, Dr. Wu says. You get to sleep in your own bed and wear some nifty equipment to sleep for two or three nights, which measures things like how often you stop breathing, Dr. Wu explains.

The second kind of sleep study is called an in-lab polysomnogram. This is the whole shebang, or “the gold standard sleep study,” as Dr. Wu puts it, and it can be used to detect sleep apnea and the other sleep disorders we mentioned above. You’ll sleep overnight in a lab wearing a bunch of sensors, while somebody monitors things like your brain waves, eye movements, body movements, and heart rate, according to the Mayo Clinic. 

While this test only captures one night, it provides the full picture of what’s happening whenever you sleep, Dr. Wu says. A sleep study will tell your doctor if you’ve got a condition that’s been wreaking havoc on your sleep. And, of course, how to treat what’s going on—so you can start snoozing smoothly at night, and rejoin the land of the living during the day.

The post How to Know If You’re Actually Getting Enough Sleep appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 12.31.24

“Back to Bed Syndrome” Is the Reason Why You Want to Give Up Halfway Through the Day

Can we get a do-over? ByAshley Laderer

It’s one of those days. The lid gave way on your $7 latte and now you’re wearing it. You completely dropped the ball on something at work. You have zero energy and even less motivation to answer the 37 unread emails piling up in your inbox. Oh, and your credit card bill is due today! 

All you want to do is go back to bed. Give up. Try again tomorrow. 

Sound familiar? Welcome to what we’ve not-so-lovingly coined: Back to Bed Syndrome.

What is Back to Bed Syndrome? 

OK, so it’s not exactly a clinical term, but it’s a phrase we came up with to refer to that inescapable urge to call it a day and book it back to your bed when something/everything seems to be going wrong.

According to the experts, there are a few explanations for this relatable reaction. “It’s kind of like a nervous system overactivation. When we’re so overwhelmed or distressed, we down-regulate activity. We start to get numb or dissociate,” says licensed psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD. “This feels like a way to cope when we’re disappointed, frustrated, or overwhelmed.” 

You can also think of it as a combination of both the “flight” and “freeze” responses. “There’s this desire to leave the current situation that’s too overwhelming––that kind of ‘flee’ response,” says Dr. Wang. “Then, you want to avoid, deny, or dissociate. That’s the ‘freeze’ quality, where you think, This is too overwhelming and I can’t continue to focus on the stimuli that are overwhelming me.” 

There’s also some escapism at play here, says Dr. Wang. You don’t want to deal with the stress at hand—you just want to escape, even if just back to your own (super cozy, warm, inviting) bed. 

Why are we like this?

Often this reaction is the result of a cognitive distortion, also known as an unhelpful pattern of thinking. “I would say it is largely ‘all-or-nothing’ or ‘black-and-white’ thinking,” says licensed clinical psychologist Jessica B. Stern, PhD. 

An example of this is when you make a mistake and think, WELP, I’m a failure! Can’t do anything right! I give up! instead of a more rational response, like, Everybody messes up—including me. Let’s think about how to fix it. Or maybe your day just feels like a series of losses and you assume that literally nothing will go right the rest of the day. This can certainly give you the urge to go back to bed and have a do-over tomorrow, says Dr. Stern.

So sometimes you can blame Back to Bed Syndrome on your brain. But other times it may be more of a gradual buildup of both psychological and physiological stressors, says Dr. Wang. It’s worth asking yourself what factors might be contributing at the moment. Have you been sick? Not getting enough sleep? Are you about to get your period? What’s your water-to-coffee ratio like today? “All of these things can slowly begin to amp up the body so that it just can’t tolerate any kind of distressing stimuli,” Dr. Wang explains.

Plus, people with certain mental health conditions might find this especially relatable. “Individuals with depression tend to have lower levels of motivation and energy, so it can be harder for them to fight through this process,” Dr. Stern says. “People with ADHD may also have lower levels of motivation, especially for tasks they do not want to do––which may make them more likely to deviate from their plan.” 

For example, if you get a less-than-perfect performance review at work in the midst of a depressive episode, it’s probably more likely to send you into a rabbit hole of cognitive distortions, negative thought patterns, and big emotions, as opposed to someone who isn’t currently struggling with their mental health, says Dr. Wang.

How to know if it’s a problem

Feeling like you want to pack it in and hide under the covers every once in a while is completely normal, says Dr. Stern. So is giving in to that urge occasionally. After all, we can’t be expected to be productive all the time. But if you find that your bed escapes are impacting your work (like if you can’t keep up with the tasks you need to complete), relationships (you have trouble communicating with the important people in your life), or life in general (you can’t fulfill your obligations), that’s a sign it’s becoming a problem, says Dr. Stern.

Or if you’re noticing Back to Bed Syndrome striking a lot more than usual, that’s another red flag, Dr. Wang says. At this point, it’s important to take a step back and ask yourself why this is happening again and again. Maybe you’re super burned out and spread too thin at your job. Maybe you have unresolved trauma that’s holding you back from functioning optimally at work or otherwise. 

If you have a history of mental health issues or a diagnosed mental health condition, this would be a good time to check in with your therapist or psychiatrist to let them know that you’re regularly retreating from life more than you used to. They might have suggestions for tweaking your treatment plan to help you navigate daily setbacks more easily. 

And if you haven’t sought mental health help before, this might be the push you need to talk to someone, says Dr. Stern. It might not seem like a big deal to say eff it to your day every once in a while, but if that urge is getting in the way of your life, that’s a pretty big sign you could use some support.

How to keep going when you can’t just go back to bed

As much as we’d love to go back to bed whenever we want, this isn’t usually a possibility, thanks to various responsibilities (and capitalism). Here are some tips to try to turn your day around—or at least make it suck a little less—until you finally can go back to bed.

1. Simplify your schedule.

If possible, Dr. Wang suggests trying to cut down on your schedule for the rest of the day. Are there any commitments you can get out of or push to another day? Any meetings that can just be an email? A deadline extension you can ask for? Dinner plans you can cancel? Taking something off your plate can help you feel like you aren’t on the hook for so much, allowing your nervous system to calm down a bit, she adds.

2. Delegate.

Remember: You don’t have to do everything by yourself all the time. You’re allowed to ask for help. And there’s probably at least one person in your orbit who can help you with at least one of the tasks you’re dreading today. 

“If you’re having trouble doing the things you need to, see if there is a way you can ask someone trusted for help,” Dr. Stern says. “Call up a friend or colleague to talk out an idea or delegate a piece that feels like too much.” 

3. Don’t stress about the details.  

You know the saying: Done is better than perfect. If you’re already spread too thin and stressed out, holding yourself to perfectionist standards won’t do you any good. “Progress over perfection is always the goal. Something is better than nothing,” says Dr. Wang. “Take the tiniest achievable step, even if it isn’t the ultimate goal, because it is practice for more steps tomorrow.”

Remember that you’re human, not a robot, and nobody’s perfect. Give yourself a break, especially on days when you’re really feeling the urge to quit and go back to bed. 

4. Take the scariest thing and break it up into smaller chunks.  

When you break a big project or task into little steps, it can feel a lot more do-able. “If you’re having a difficult time keeping up with tasks that you need to complete, write a concrete, gentle plan for how you will effectively complete it,” Dr. Stern says. 

This also helps counter the all-or-nothing thinking that’s telling you to just avoid this task entirely because there’s no way you can finish it today. Sure, that may be true, but could you check off one or two small steps today as a favor to Future You? 

5. Try a low-lift grounding exercise.

If you feel like you’re about to crash out but you can’t really just quit your job and haul ass back to bed, try to at least excuse yourself for a moment (head to the bathroom or take a walk around the block) so you can focus on grounding. 

Grounding exercises are designed to bring us out of our heads and into the here and now, Dr. Wang says. “Sensory experiences allow the mind to temporarily release from the rumination of the mind that can exacerbate our stress,” she adds.

And they don’t need to take a lot of time and effort. For example, Dr. Wang says you can try drinking an ice-cold carbonated drink and really noticing all the sensations that come along with it, or splashing your face with cold water. If you’re WFH, you could even take a quick cold shower for a DIY cold plunge effect. Another great option: the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you look for 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can feel, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. 

6. Be a body in motion.

“Physical activity can be helpful because, when the nervous system is amped up, it’s looking for somewhere for that energy to go,” Dr. Wang says. “For people with anxiety or depression, movement is often helpful for them to be able to discharge some angst.” 

And no, we don’t mean booking it back to bed. Countering your urge to faceplant into the nearest soft surface with a little bit of movement is a great example of practicing “opposite action,” which is a go-to Dialectical Behavior Therapy skill. Basically, you do the opposite of what you want to do just to get a little momentum going. Sometimes, that’s enough to trick your mind and body into going on about your day.  

So try getting some movement in where you can, whether that’s walking around while you vent to someone on the phone, laying on the floor and doing some stretches, or forcing yourself to take a little dance break. 

7. Treat yourself.

Listen, if you have to negotiate with yourself to keep being an adult today, so be it. Dr. Stern suggests pinpointing some rewards you can give yourself to make your day more enjoyable. Maybe you treat yourself to 10 minutes of TikTok scrolling once you finish a task, you make a lunch or dinner plan with your work bestie so that the whole day isn’t a bust, or you promise yourself an hour of mind-numbing TV the second you get home. Pick whatever motivates you the most to get through the day. You’ve earned it.

The post “Back to Bed Syndrome” Is the Reason Why You Want to Give Up Halfway Through the Day appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 12.06.24

27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout

Sometimes adding to cart is the best way to show up for someone. BySam Brodsky

We all know someone who is really going through it. And, if you’ve been there, you’re very aware that hearing, “Just relax and take care of yourself!” is wildly unhelpful. A less annoying and more useful approach: sending over a thoughtful present that might actually help them incorporate TLC into their chaotic life. Enter: self-care gifts.

Self-care can be a lot of things: drinking enough water, getting outside, calling your people when you need them. But it doesn’t always have to be so basic. ICYMI, self-care is any activity that provides “a protective buffer against stress,” therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, previously told Wondermind. Those little habits enable you to handle setbacks and overwhelm more easily. In this moment of chaos, we could all use that superpower. 

Whether you’re shopping for a stressed friend or your frazzled self (’tis the season!), we found some of the best self-care gifts for decompressing, easing anxiety, and creating moments of calm.

The post 27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 08.08.24

Here’s How Olympians Actually Get to Sleep Before a Big Event

The stakes aren’t low. ByEmily Abbate

We’ve all been there: It’s the night before an interview, a race, an early flight, or some other high-stakes thing you need to be rested or wake up early for (or both!). You’re snuggled up in bed, wide awake, and your inner voice starts to panic: Why am I not asleep yet? This is going to be so bad tomorrow! GO TO SLEEP.

For Olympians competing in multiple events, the pressure can be even more intense. Sure, it’s all relative, but still, their athletic careers and even their legacies are on the line! So, if you’re like us, that might leave you wondering, um, how do they fall asleep before a competition, and can I have some?

Turns out, you can! We caught up with current and former Olympic athletes to find out how they sleep the night before their biggest moments, and their tricks translate pretty well to our non-Olympic lives. From soothing pre-bed routines to no-fail bedtime TV, here’s how six Olympians get Zs before the biggest moments of their lives. 

1. Melatonin, FTW.

“I’ve actually got chronic insomnia, and I really struggle to fall asleep in general. I take a moderately high dose of magnesium that relaxes me (also I notice better recovery on it), and then five or six grams of melatonin. FWIW, it’s hard to find NSF-backed brands, but I float between Pure Encapsulations and Momentous. It works most nights.” —Molly Seidel, 2020 Olympic Bronze Medalist

[Editor’s note: Always talk to your primary care provider before adding supplements into your routine, since even over-the-counter options can interact with certain medications, health conditions, and food/drinks.] 

2. Prepare for the worst.

“Just like I prepare for competition, I’m also at the point where I know how to prepare for a bad sleep. I’ve had a bad sleep before a training session, told my coach I didn’t sleep well before showing up, and felt super anxious. But sometimes, practicing after a bad night of sleep is the reassurance I need. It shows me that I’m capable of showing up when things don’t go as I’d like. As someone who otherwise prefers 10 hours of sleep, it’s good to know that I can respond to the uncontrollable.” —Chase Ealey, 2024 Shot Put Olympian, Paris

3. Unplug.

“I really make a strong effort to disconnect from technology a couple hours before bed, especially my phone. Instead of scrolling, I love to read and spend time with my loved ones. That helps me feel a lot more at ease before I close my eyes.” —Valarie Allman, 2x Olympic Gold Medalist in the Discus, Tokyo, Paris

4. Plan ahead.

“During the late luteal phase of my cycle, I know I’m going to have a higher body temperature, which could mean I won’t sleep as well. So, in order to accommodate for that before competition, I turn down the air conditioning a couple of degrees. Sleeping in a cooler room helps me, so does wearing a sleep mask and using the mindfulness app Open to quiet my mind—even if it’s just for 10 minutes.” —Colleen Quigley, 2016 Steeplechase Olympian, Rio

5. Organize your space.

“I really like to prioritize an early bedtime and slow-down routine every night, especially before competitions. So that means trying to have a similar time frame of getting into bed. And before I do that, I make sure to have everything in my space organized. It helps me find my calm.” —Jordan Larson, Volleyball, 4X Olympian, 3X Olympic Medalist in Volleyball

6. When in doubt, turn on Seinfeld.

“I’m a big fan of turning on a comfort show but not actually watching it on the screen. Instead, I put in my headphones, set a timer for 35 minutes so it shuts off automatically, and focus on something that has nothing to do with competition. This helps me pull my brain away from whatever I’m worrying about. My go-to is Seinfeld, and it can be any episode.” —Aisha Praught-Leer, 2X Olympian, Steeplechase (2016), 1500m (2020)

The post Here’s How Olympians Actually Get to Sleep Before a Big Event appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.26.24

Here’s Why You’re Sleeping So Much

Could be normal, but we should talk. ByAli Finney

We can probably all agree that sleeping is an excellent way to spend free time. It’s free, it’s easy (most of the time), and it feels good. But if you’ve been sleep tracking and noticed that you’re leaning hard into the “sleep is life” philosophy, you might find yourself wondering, Why is my body obsessed with sleep, and is that healthy and fine? These are great questions, and also they’re a little tricky to answer.

The challenge of getting to the root of your sleep situation stems from this fact: Sleep patterns are unique to us. “There are no golden rules that apply to everyone,” says Joshua Tal, PhD, a clinical psychologist specializing in sleep. While clocking a solid 10 hours might alarm you, that could be the bare minimum for someone else. 

So, how much is too much sleep? 

Like we said, everyone’s sleep threshold is different, but there are some clear signs that your body is crying, More sleep pls! Dr. Tal says you’re right to suspect that something is off if you’re getting plenty of sleep but can’t stay awake during the day (also referred to as excessive daytime sleepiness or EDS) or if you’ve been sleeping an hour or two more than your average sleep time for the last one to four weeks. 

Below, we’ll explain more about why you could be so damn tired all the time and what you can do about it. Just a heads up though: No matter the cause, if you feel like your bed is keeping you from other important life stuff—like work meetings, social gatherings, or your relationships in general—that’s a sign it’s time to get help, says therapist Mahshid Hager, LMFT. “Issues arise when prolonged or excessive sleep impedes an individual from fully engaging in and enjoying their life to the fullest,” she adds. Let’s get into it. 

It’s winter.

In case you needed a little validation, about 34% of people surveyed in 2020 said that they sleep more in the winter than at other times of the year, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Yep, checks out. 

The theory is that “during the winter months, as daylight dwindles and temperatures plummet, our circadian rhythms undergo alterations,” explains therapist Hager, and that might impact your snooze. 

Though there’s still a lot we don’t know about how seasons impact sleep, some research suggests that people with sleep disorders have longer REM (rapid eye movement) cycles in the winter than they do in the spring. While it’s not clear if the same goes for people without sleep conditions, it could indicate how daylight (or lack thereof) impacts the time we spend in bed. 

Scientific receipts aside, if you find that your body enjoys an earlier bedtime in the winter, it’s OK to let it happen, says therapist Alo Johnston, LMFT. He’s found that many of his clients need or want more sleep in the winter than other seasons (kinda like hibernating animals), and there’s really no reason to fight it, he adds. Just give in. 

You’re burned out.

If you’ve ever been mentally burned to a crisp, you know how much it sucks. This struggle is caused by prolonged stress. Though the World Health Organization attributes burnout to work stress, it can happen for a lot of reasons, including caregiving (see: caregiver burnout). 

The idea is that if you’re doing too much at work, at home, or both, over time it can impact you mentally and physically—including your sleep habits, says Dr. Tal. You might cancel plans to catch up on Zs, get 11 hours and still feel exhausted, or feel generally unmotivated to do anything that’s not being unconscious. 

If you think burnout is behind your longer slumbers, find ways to relax and give yourself a chance to rest, says Johnston. Over time, as you feel more rested, you’ll be able to get back on your feet and ready to tackle whatever’s on your plate (while taking as many breaks as you can, of course).

You’re depressed.

Dr. Tal explains that suddenly needing way more sleep than normal can be a sign of depression, but it’s not the only symptom. With major depressive disorder (or MDD), you’ll have a sense of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness that’s hard to shake. You’ll also have a lack of interest in your day-to-day activities (even the ones that feel good) and feel worthless, tired, or slow. You might even be eating more or less than usual. If all this lasts for at least two weeks straight, you might meet the criteria for major depressive disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5-TR). 

“If you notice other symptoms, this can give you more information if the tiredness is depression or not,” Johnston says. Experiencing depressive symptoms doesn’t always mean major depressive disorder—it could also be a depressive episode in bipolar disorder or adjustment disorder, which is triggered by a big life change. Depression associated with your menstrual cycle, or premenstrual dysphoric disorder, is a thing too, per the DSM-5-TR.

In any case—even if you don’t think you’re experiencing a diagnosable condition—it can be worth asking, “Is sleep interrupting my life or causing a lot of distress?” Dr. Tal explains. If so, it might be helpful to seek out some help from a mental health pro.

You’re stressed.

Even if you’re not fully burned out, day-to-day stress can make you want to sleep it off, says Dr. Tal. “Everybody has a physical reaction to stress. Some people sleep less when they’re stressed; some people sleep more.”

If you’ve noticed that your average sleep time is off the charts lately, think about what’s been going on in your life, says psychotherapist Avi Klein, LCSW. Ask what could be affecting you. If the stuff that comes to mind doesn’t seem like the culprit and you can’t come up with anything else, consider, Even if I don’t think it’s a big deal, would someone else think it is? That can help you pinpoint the problem.

Of course, just calling out your busy time at work or recent exhausting (but fun!) vacation won’t necessarily solve the problem. Maybe you can’t do much about it. But even if the problem isn’t fixable, try to come up with strategies that enable you to feel generally better so you can manage the stress without sleeping so much, says Hager. That could look like getting real consistent with your sleep routine, moving around a little more when you can, and taking breaks during the workday, she says. 

You have a sleep disorder. 

While there’s no specific condition for “sleeping too much,” there happens to be an entire section of the DSM-5-TR dedicated to “sleep-wake disorders.” People who have these feel like the quality, timing, and amount of sleep they get impacts how they function when they’re awake, according to the DSM-5-TR. And, yeah, that includes disorders that have sleeping too much or EDS as a symptom. Here are the ones sleep psychologists like Dr. Tal look into first. 

Sleep Apnea: There are a bunch of different kinds of sleep apnea, but, in general, these conditions happen when your breathing stops at different points as you’re sleeping, even if you don’t realize it. As a result, you don’t end up getting legit rest when you doze off. Dr. Tal explains that one tell-tale sign of sleep apnea is waking up in the morning after a full night’s sleep and feeling as if you only got a wink or two. 

But to figure out if this is definitely what’s going on, you’ll need to have what’s called a sleep study (also known as polysomnography), where doctors track your brain waves, blood oxygen levels, heart rate, breathing, and eye and leg movements while you sleep. These usually happen in a hospital, clinic, or sometimes in your own home, according to the National Library of Medicine. Dr. Tal says that, after a sleep apnea diagnosis, your doctor might prescribe a machine to help you breathe at night called a CPAP, or continuous positive airway pressure. It shoots air into your nose to keep your airways open as you sleep, which is a lot more restful than it sounds. 

Narcolepsy: When you can’t stay awake, can’t not nap, or fall asleep unintentionally during the day—no matter how much sleep you got the night before—you might be dealing with narcolepsy. If these “sleep attacks” happen at least three times a week for three months or more, that’s your sign to see a physician who can set you up with more tests (including a sleep study) to figure out what’s going on and rule out other disorders. People with narcolepsy can take a prescription stimulant to stay alert during the day or a medication to improve sleep at night, says Dr. Tal. 

Hypersomnolence Disorder: The main symptom of this mental health condition is…excessive sleepiness. More specifically, sleeping for seven hours or more and either falling asleep during the day, not feeling refreshed after super-long snoozes, or struggling to fully wake up when your alarm or something/someone else abruptly wakes you up (or all of the above), per the DSM-5-TR. 

In order to be diagnosed, you’ll need to experience that sleep struggle for at least three days a week for three months straight. Those symptoms also have to disrupt your work, your relationships, or the way you think and feel. 

If you’ve already been tested for other sleep disorders like narcolepsy or sleep apnea, this might be what’s up. When that’s the case, a prescription stimulant can be helpful, as can cognitive behavioral therapy to learn skills to feel more awake during the day, says Dr. Tal.

The bottom line: Sleep is weird, and we don’t all follow the same habits and patterns. Still, if you feel like your normal has been off for a while and you can’t stop, won’t stop sleeping, it can’t hurt to seek some help from a mental health pro or your doctor. They can point you in the right direction to get back on track.

The post Here’s Why You’re Sleeping So Much appeared first on Wondermind.