Stories Link Copied 02.26.25

15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication

The harmful stigma around medication and mental health needs to end. ByCarina Hsieh Additional Reporting ByCasey Gueren

If it seems like the stigma around mental health medications is suddenly getting worse, you’re not wrong. Medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and others have been the subject of some wild claims from Robert F. Kennedy Jr., newly appointed U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services. During and since his confirmation hearing, RFK Jr. spread harmful misconceptions about these evidence-based mental health medications used to treat conditions like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. 

“Research has continuously demonstrated the safety and efficacy of antidepressants and antipsychotics,” Chase T.M. Anderson, MD, MS, assistant professor in child and adolescent psychiatrist at University of California at San Francisco, tells Wondermind. “Every medication has benefits and risks, so physicians have a ‘risks and benefits’ talk before prescribing and allow space for questions. After prescribing, we monitor for adverse events with regular appointments. With the children, adolescents, and young adults I work with, we meet a few days or a week after. As time goes on and symptoms improve, we space check-ins out more so they can be off living their lives.” 

Despite the fact that RFK Jr.’s criticism of these meds isn’t based in science (more on that here), spreading misinformation can lead to increased stigma and stereotypes about mental health medications and the people who take them. 

If you think you might benefit from mental health medication, it’s worth talking to your primary care provider or a mental health professional to address any concerns floating in the back of your mind. In the meantime, here’s what 15 people had to say about their experiences with mental health meds, including how medicine helped life become more vibrant again and the lowdown on side effects.

1. Think of it like any other medicine you’d need…  

“I’ve been taking [medication] to treat my OCD for about 10 years and had tried other medications when I was in high school. I used to be super embarrassed—especially in high school—that people would judge me for it, and I also [had] fears about what taking medicine meant about me. Once my condition got worse, I had a therapist tell me that it was just like taking medicine to treat anything else. Now I am so fucking grateful for it because I don’t think I would be here without it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the life that I do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you shouldn’t need it, but it doesn’t make you weak.” —Olivia L., 29

2. …Or like a doctor-prescribed safety net. 

“I was on a variety of antidepressants for roughly a decade, from age 14. There were obviously downsides and side effects, but the medication provided a really important safety net whilst I sorted out [my life]. I was fortunate to have doctors who were receptive when I wanted to try different medications, especially as there is no perfect antidepressant. Being a really young person on mental health medication often gets strange looks, but I knew it was the right choice because of the difference it made.” —Oliver A.*, 25 

3. Remember that feeling 100% perfect isn’t the goal… 

“While dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, I hit my absolute bottom. I experienced huge bouts of rage directed at myself and others, had panic attacks every single day, and was ready to pack up my car and leave my husband and baby without any notice. I talked to my doctor about being put on an antidepressant, and since then, I honestly feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’m nowhere near 100% all the time, but being on medication takes the edge off and makes me feel like I can be around people without a panic attack brewing. Since going on medication, I have had only two panic attacks, which is a win for me—I was having at least one a day for months before.” —Kori B., 29 

4. …And that it’s OK if you get frustrated. 

“I have been on psychiatric medications for a variety of mental health issues since I was 16. I haven’t felt the stigma about taking mental health medications (thankfully, I have an amazing family and support system), but I have had to go on a journey within myself to accept that I will probably be on these medications for the rest of my life and that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that will always need this extra attention and care. 

As much as I sometimes hate that I’m taking six to eight pills a day, I know how horrible I felt all the time when I wasn’t on my medications. I truly feel like I deserve a happier, more fulfilled life than that. I have had the darkest depths of depression and the highest highs of manic episodes, but I am blissfully in the middle with this particular cocktail of medications I’m on right now. I still get to experience the full range of human emotion, and I don’t have to be a victim of my mind or scared of my thoughts. These advances in medicine are to make sure we all have the best lives possible, so why not embrace the fact that, yeah, I might be a little ‘off’ on my own, but I have so many resources available to me that can make my life so much better.” —Morgan S., 28 

5. Sometimes therapy isn’t enough.  

“I just started taking medication for depression this year, and I can’t believe I was living for years with the condition and its anxious symptoms when I didn’t have to. As an Asian American, mental health—and especially medication for it—isn’t something that’s talked about in my family. My parents thought I just needed to learn stress relief techniques and go to therapy, but that wasn’t enough. I realized [medication] was a viable and not uncommon option once my partner pointed out that many of my friends were on antidepressants and I asked them about their positive experiences with medication. I cried the first time I took a pill because I felt I was broken, but now I feel I can get so much more of my work done and enjoy being present with others without the compulsion to stay in my room and cry over stressful scenarios I’ve made up in my mind.” —Lauren C., 24 

6. It might take some time to get used to the medication…

“The process of deciding whether or not to start using medication to treat my anxiety and depression was stressful, but my psychiatrist, therapist, and close friends reassured me that it was a valid option to take on, seeing as my condition was worsening earlier in the year. What held me back the most was being seen as weak or broken. I felt like it was my fault for making choices that led me to become ill. But with time, I began to accept the fact that it was just biology, like how diabetics take insulin shots to regulate their blood sugar…taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) would help regulate the chemicals in my brain too. Adjusting to the medication was difficult for me—I dealt with nausea, poor sleep, and stomach problems while getting used to it and changing my dosage. But ultimately, even though the process wasn’t easy, it was also easily one of the best decisions I made all year.” —Rachel H.*, 23, 

7. …And one day, you and your doc might decide to switch it up. 

“I started taking an antidepressant back in 2017 while I was dealing with an excessive amount of panic and anxiety attacks. At first, I was skeptical that a small pill could take away my anxiety attacks, which had been causing me so much stress in my life. I took it anyway, starting off at a low dose and having the dosage raised by a small amount every month. I had a negative experience when my dose reached a certain level, but eventually, my body adjusted. It took a few months to really feel the positive effects of this SSRI, but when I did, it significantly improved my mental health, albeit with the occasional depressive episode. Antidepressants affect everyone differently, and for the most part it truly helped ease the cloud of excessive panic and anxiety attacks that followed me around. I’ve since stopped taking medication after speaking with my provider.” —Nina B., 29 

8. You might have to make some sacrifices… 

“My Sunday scaries used to involve a weekly panic attack about going back to work and the upcoming week ahead. Post medication, I haven’t had any panic attacks and can rationalize that anxiety in a realistic manner without spiraling into a panic. My sex drive and motivation are shot, but my Sunday evenings are better.” —Sera T. 29

9. …But the benefits can be worth it.  

“I avoided getting medicated for potential ADHD for years because my parents didn’t want ‘yet another thing wrong about me.’ I eventually got diagnosed at 30, and since taking medication, I am SO much more productive and honest with people. Some people think medication is a trap that makes you weak. I would say it makes me a stronger person who wants to live their life.” —Rin B., 31

10. It could save your life. 

“I have been lucky in my experience with medications to treat my depression. In high school, I was suicidal, and my mom forced me to see a doctor, which I resented, but it undoubtedly saved my life. I had the fortunate experience of the first med I tried working for me. It took time to find the right dose, but I’ve been on it for a decade now and can’t imagine my life without it. I grew up in a very small town where I think there was likely a lot of mental health stigma, but I have always been very open about it, and I think that worked to my advantage as a teenager and into adulthood. I feel awful on the rare occasions I forget my meds, but, in general, they make me feel like the life I want to build is possible.” —Lexie N., 26

11. It can help you tick off that to-do list.  

“When I actually remember to take my [ADHD meds], I feel like I log back into reality. I have combined type ADHD (as well as autism), and I didn’t realize how much I mentally checked out to cope with the simultaneously buzzing and boring world around me. So much of my body suddenly switched on [the first time I took my meds], and I was finally capable of putting my mind to something and doing it.” —Gates H.*, 27

12. It doesn’t make you weak. 

“In January 2022, I took a leave of absence from grad school for my mental health and began taking psychiatric medications. I spun a harmful narrative about myself that taking a break meant I was less intelligent and capable. The stigma surrounding medications certainly contributed, given the stereotype that if you take meds, you lack ‘mental toughness.’ Now, I’m happy to share my experiences with meds and how they have helped me build stability and resilience.” —Paige T., 26

13. And life might become more vibrant.  

“In 2015, during a period of depression and anxiety, my doctor told me that the most effective treatment for anxiety and depression was talk therapy in tandem with medication, so I started off on a low dose of medication. It was incredibly affirming to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression because it suggested my pain wasn’t all in my head and was valid. Even so, I was so ashamed that they prescribed psychiatric medication. About two weeks after taking my meds, I felt a 180-degree shift in my mental state. I describe in my book how colors started looking brighter, music started to sound better, and I felt taller both physically and emotionally. Seven years later, I’m in the process of successfully tapering off, but I’ll always be grateful for the way medication rewired some of the chemistry in my brain in a way I wasn’t able to do on my own.” —Marissa M., 30

14. And you can dedicate more energy to other areas of your life.

“I was diagnosed with GAD and depression in late 2019. My psychiatrist placed me on medication as a form of treatment, but I felt the effects of my diagnoses long before then. After years of reducing my symptoms to a ‘personality trait,’ getting a psychiatric diagnosis, treatment, and validation led to what felt like an alteration in my worldview. My depressive symptoms and severe anxiety became much more manageable, and my medication gave me the opportunity to dedicate more time and energy to practicing other forms of mental health and wellness that enhanced the effects of my medication.” —Noelle S., 23 

15. High achievers can benefit from it too. 

“When I was 25, I was a thriving, high-achieving, successful student turned post-grad professional, but my anxiety was crippling me. My primary care doctor prescribed medication to treat generalized anxiety and depression, which at the time, sounded absolutely terrifying. I begrudgingly took my prescribed dosage, which initially felt like admitting ‘defeat.’ 

Once I [found the right dosage], I felt like the medication had finally taken the edge off of life that my brain chemistry so deeply wanted. I’m deeply fortunate that the first prescribed medication worked for me, as I know it can take frustrating trial and error to find what works best for you.” —Taylor O., 32

*Name has been changed. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 05.28.24

7 Things Not to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed

“Other people have it worse…” (*gag*) BySam Brodsky

Feeling depressed is hard enough, so we know you don’t want to accidentally make it even worse by saying the wrong thing. We’re not implying you have to walk on eggshells around someone who is depressed. But it’s worth noting that what you say can come across as unhelpful and judgy even if you’re trying to get a friend or fam member to look on ~the bright side~. 

In case you haven’t experienced it yourself, depression can feel like heaviness that doesn’t dissipate, a total lack of motivation, and a deep loneliness. So, regarding what not  to say to someone with depression, avoid language that might exacerbate these feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and isolation, says psychotherapist and clinical social worker Linda Tran, LICSW. Instead, the goal is to communicate in a way that makes them feel respected, safe, and understood and encourages them to seek support, she says.

You won’t always say (or do) the right things when you’re with a depressed friend, so give yourself some grace, says clinical psychologist Leah Katz, PhD, author of Gutsy: Mindfulness Practices for Everyday Bravery. The important part is that you’re showing up and trying; don’t get so worried about your wording that you don’t reach out at all.  

To help you help them, we asked mental health professionals for some common responses that do more harm than you realize. Here’s what not to say to someone with depression and what to say or do instead, according to these experts.

1. “But you have a great life!”

You might think that reminding someone of all the good stuff going on is a rad idea because it’ll boost their mood. And that logic does make sense—we’ll give you that. But pointing out their fun and well-paying job, supportive partner, and living quarters that aren’t  500 square feet is super invalidating, notes Dr. Katz.

Implying that they don’t have things in their life to be depressed about suggests they’re making a choice to be depressed, clinical psychologist Sally Weinstein, PhD, associate director of the University of Illinois Center on Depression and Resilience, previously explained. “You wouldn’t ask someone, ‘Why do you have asthma? You have such a good job,’” she added. Point taken!

Sure, life struggles can play a role in why people are depressed, but so can genetics, biological factors, and even certain medications, per the National Institute of Mental Health. So just because things seem great on paper, that doesn’t mean someone can’t  be going through a depressive episode, says Tran. It doesn’t always have to be situational, she adds.

That said, it is  helpful to encourage a perspective shift since depression can give you tunnel vision where you only focus on the heaviness you feel, says Dr. Katz. But instead of forcing gratitude on them, gently put the ball in their court. 

Ask them if there are small moments where they’ve felt content or even just OK, suggests Dr. Katz. Whether that’s petting their dog, moving their body, or talking to a friend, helping them connect with what gives them value and purpose can really make a difference. It reminds them that joy exists and depression might not last forever, she explains.  

2. “Other people have it worse.”

This is another example of the wrong way to put things in perspective. Hearing this can make a depressed person feel ashamed, like they don’t have a right to their experience, says Dr. Katz. Just like saying that to someone with anxiety, it can also stop them from getting the support they ultimately need to feel better.   

A better way to go about this is to first validate their feelings (even if you don’t fully understand them) by saying, “It seems like you’re struggling, and I’m so sorry it’s hard for you right now.” This can help convey that you empathize with them, says Dr. Katz. Then, you can go back to what she suggested earlier: asking them to think about times where they felt a bit of joy or, simply, OK-ness. 

When they’re feeling a smidge lighter, you could also encourage them to write a letter to their future depressed self, Dr. Katz suggests. Reading words from their own perspective, when things aren’t as bad as they’ve been, is sometimes easier to believe than reminders that come from someone else, she notes. 

3. “Maybe it’s just [insert whatever here]!”

It’s totally understandable to not want someone you love to feel the heaviness of depression, so you resort to saying, “Well, maybe you’ve been working too hard or need more sleep.” But this can feel very minimizing and dismissive, like you’re not understanding what they’re going through and you’re trying to explain it away, says Dr. Katz.   

If you genuinely want to point out that they’ve talked about their lack of sleep, for example, (which can  be a symptom of depression, by the way!) it’s better to frame it as a question, rather than implying that perhaps  the depression is actually something else, says Dr. Katz. You can say something like, “Do you think your sleep could be impacting your mood at all?” she suggests. It’s not like you’re trying to prove their depression isn’t  depression. Instead, you’re coming from a place of curiosity and showing them you want to hear what they have to say, which feels supportive, Dr. Katz explains.

4. “Have you tried…?” *Proceeds to give unsolicited advice.*

Your first instinct might be to tell your loved one about what worked for you or others. Sure, maybe quitting your job helped you, or maybe you’ve been down a Reddit hole of “remedies” you think might help them. But if they don’t ask for this advice, it might come across as you think you know better than they do, says Dr. Katz. 

Not to mention, they might have zero energy to focus on getting better, in which case the last thing they’d want is for someone to tell them what to do, says Tran. In those moments, they might just need their struggles to be heard, she says.   

Instead, ask if they’re open to hearing advice or if there’s anything else you can help them with, Dr. Katz suggests. Try, “How can I be there for you right now? Do you want me to listen or are you looking for advice?” And, to keep it real, you can always ask if you’re overstepping their boundaries, Dr. Katz notes. 

If they’re not in a receiving-advice kind of mood, there are so many other ways you can help, like vetting therapists for them or offering a hand with day-to-day stuff they might not feel up to doing.

5. “I know exactly what you’re going through.”

Hearing from someone else in their life who’s experienced depression can make a depressed person feel less alone. But going right into your own experience can kinda hijack a conversation and make it about you when you’re really looking to support them, says Dr. Katz. 

You’re probably trying to validate them by declaring that you know what they’re experiencing, but it can come across as presumptuous because everyone’s circumstances are different, says Tran. 

Instead, just like asking if they want advice, you can say, “I have some things that I think might be helpful for you to hear about my own experience with depression. Are you in a place for that right now?” suggests Dr. Katz. Tran agrees that it’s better to give them a choice and also mention that you know your experiences might be a tad different. 

If they don’t want to hear your story, that’s fine! You can just listen to them or spend time with them, if that’s what they need, says Tran.

6. “You don’t look depressed.”

Lots of people who have depression are “high-functioning” and can mask it pretty well. “They show up to work, they’ll go out, and they’ll laugh when they know they’re supposed to laugh, but they’re really depressed on the inside,” says Dr. Katz. Many depression symptoms are internal too—thoughts or feelings that aren’t noticeable to other people, she notes.

Pointing out that someone doesn’t look depressed isn’t helpful because it can deter them from opening up (and it low-key gives off I-don’t-believe-you vibes). It can also make someone feel like you aren’t able to make space for how they’re feeling, says Dr. Katz. Then, they might shut down and get discouraged from getting help from others, notes Tran.  

If you want to let them know you’re surprised to hear they’re depressed, simply say that. Dr. Katz suggests something like, “Wow, I didn’t realize how bad you were feeling. I’m so glad you told me. How can I be here for you?” 

You can then ask if they want to talk about the struggles that you weren’t able to see, says Tran. “By asking about these hidden aspects, a person can feel seen, heard, and validated.” 

7. “You’re not suicidal, right?”

It makes sense if you jump to the worst-case scenario that someone who’s depressed may not want to be alive. Research shows that the risk of suicide is higher in people with depression than in people who aren’t depressed, and suicidal thoughts are among the many symptoms of a major depressive episode, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR).

However (and this is a big one), people can be depressed and not have suicidal thoughts at all, or they can be suicidal and not experience depression, notes licensed clinical psychologist Kathryn Gordon, PhD, author of The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook. 

Basically, it’s valid to want to ask, but the way that you ask is so, so important. If you say, “You’re not suicidal, right?” that implies that you don’t want them to answer “yes.” It deters them from actually being honest since it comes across as judgmental, Dr. Gordon explains. Bring your concern up in a warm and nonjudgmental way instead, by saying you’re worried about them because of X, Y, Z and asking if they’re having suicidal thoughts, she suggests. You can also add something like, “I could be wrong…” to acknowledge that you aren’t trying to assume anything, notes Tran. 

Don’t worry, you won’t plant the idea in their head if they weren’t thinking about it, says Dr. Gordon. That’s a myth about suicide worth remembering. If they haven’t thought about it before, they’ll tell you that, and they probably won’t be mad at you for asking if you’re coming from a place of concern, she notes.

But if they were  having those thoughts, you’ve just created a safe space for this person to talk about them, Dr. Gordon says. Give them the floor by asking questions that’ll help you understand what they’re going through and show that you’re interested in their experience, she suggests. These could include, “What is this like for you?” and “What kind of thoughts or feelings are you having lately?” Then, try summarizing what they’ve said back to them, Dr. Gordon suggests.

From there, you can ask what’s actually helpful and continue to check in on them. (Here’s more advice for how to help someone who is suicidal, if you need it.) 

The post 7 Things Not to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 04.25.24

Feeling Kinda Numb Lately? You Could Be Experiencing Anhedonia

Let’s discuss the blah of it all—and how to deal. ByKara Cuzzone

Everybody feels off from time to time, but if you’ve been feeling generally blah or kinda numb for a couple weeks or more, it might be a sign that something bigger’s going on with your mental health. There’s actually a word for that pleasure-less existence. It’s called anhedonia. 

While it’s not a mental health condition, anhedonia is a symptom that shows up multiple times in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), especially in relation to depression and suicidal ideation. But—worth noting!—you could experience anhedonia without any diagnosable mental health condition, adds psychiatrist Judith Joseph, MD, MBA. 

Chances are you’re looking to find out why you feel empty inside and whether anhedonia could be the thing you’re dealing with. Here, we explain what anhedonia is, what it feels like, and what you can do to start feeling better. 

What is anhedonia? 

Technically speaking, anhedonia is “the inability to enjoy experiences or activities that normally would be pleasurable,” according to the American Psychological Association. It’s basically one of the hallmark symptoms of major depressive disorder (MDD), described in the  DSM-5-TR as “markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.” It could also be described anecdotally as “high-functioning depression.”

Besides a lack of pleasure, anhedonia can also manifest as a feeling of numbness or emptiness. “When you have anhedonia, it’s not just not feeling joy,” says Dr. Joseph. There are a bunch of other feelings, like stress or sadness, that you might not feel as much as you normally do, she adds. 

There are two main types of anhedonia, which help experts understand exactly how the symptom is impacting your life, explains Dr. Joseph. Physical anhedonia is when sensations that used to activate your pleasure response (like eating, having sex, or hugging) no longer do it for you. With social anhedonia, you might not feel good (or feel anything at all) when spending quality time with your family or hanging out with friends, says Dr. Joseph. And you can definitely experience both types at once.

Some people dealing with anhedonia don’t find enjoyment in *anything* anymore, whereas others can still find pleasure in certain settings, even if they’re feeling numb in other areas of life, explains Tiffany Ho, PhD, a cognitive neuroscientist and assistant professor in the psychology department at University of California, Los Angeles. 

Just as the symptoms of anhedonia can vary a lot, so can the root causes. Like we said, this constant feeling of blah is a common sign of depression (even high-functioning depression), but it can also pop up with other mental health conditions, like anxiety, PTSD, and schizophrenia, says psychiatrist Susan J. Noonan, MD, MPH, author of Take Control of Your Depression.

Still, being hit with a case of anhedonia doesn’t mean that you definitely have MDD or any other diagnosable mental health condition, explains Dr. Ho. Anhedonia could be triggered by a physical condition, like chronic pain, or stressful life events, like experiencing burnout at work or caring for a sick loved one, she adds. 

How can I deal with anhedonia? 

If your anhedonia seems rooted in something situational, it could resolve itself once the stressful sitch is over, says Dr. Noonan. That said, even if it’s not caused by a mental health condition, you shouldn’t just ignore this symptom, says Dr. Joseph. If you don’t address the nothingness or try to push through, it can easily turn into hopelessness, she explains. Plus, the association between anhedonia and suicidal ideation is real and worth paying attention to. 

So, all this to say, if you’ve been experiencing physical or social anhedonia (or both) for two weeks or more, you’d benefit from finding a therapist who can help you get to the bottom of why it’s happening, says Dr. Noonan. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), is a therapeutic modality your mental health pro might use to help you change the thought patterns and beliefs that keep you feeling stuck and unhappy, says Dr. Noonan. They might also use behavioral activation, which encourages you to get after the activities that used to light you up, she adds.

Of course, if you don’t already have a therapist, it might take a minute to find one and start treatment. So, to hold you over in the meantime, here are some strategies you can try on your own to feel a little bit better.

1. Practice self-compassion. 

When you’re dealing with anhedonia, it can feel like you’re the problem. Instead, try to remind yourself that it isn’t your fault that you’re feeling this way, says Dr. Joseph. Anhedonia is often related to trauma, and it’s important to practice self-compassion and not judge yourself when your anhedonia symptoms show up, she adds. 

You can start by trying to reframe your thoughts when you’re being hard on yourself and remembering that you’re safe in this moment. You can also repeat or write some realistic affirmations, reflect on some fun times from the past, or create a playlist that’s in line with how you feel now or how you want to feel. Anything that helps you feel better is fair game. 

Another form of self-compassion is allowing yourself to be vulnerable with people you feel comfortable opening up to. By sharing what you’re going through, you’re opening yourself up to  empathy and support.

2. Try some grounding techniques. 

If anhedonia is making you feel disconnected from your body or the world around you, using grounding techniques or mindfulness exercises can help bring you out of your head and into the present moment. One option from Dr. Joseph is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. It involves focusing on five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. 

Taking the time to focus on your senses enables you to feel more in tune with your body and what’s going on around you. “[Grounding techniques] will get [you] back to a place of pleasure and being present in most of [your] experiences, but you have to start small,” Dr. Joseph says. She recommends starting with just a minute or two of grounding per day so that you don’t get discouraged. 

3. Do things you used to enjoy—even if you don’t feel like it. 

It might feel kind of pointless to walk along your favorite route or go to your favorite restaurant. But try doing it anyway. You can also start small to make it feel more manageable, like only walking a few blocks instead of your usual loop. “Eventually, the interest and the motivation for doing [the activity] will follow over time,” explains Dr. Noonan. “Have the confidence that eventually things will turn around.” Even if the activity doesn’t feel as enjoyable as it used to, you might notice you feel better for a minute or two, which can progress over time.

4. Start a random project.

Sometimes shifting out of an uninspired mindset means doing something you’ve never done before, therapist Rebecca Ruiz, LCSW, previously told Wondermind. That might mean buying the supplies to do that abstract art project or rearranging your furniture or baking some sourdough. Whatever it is, try to have fun doing this new thing—no matter how good or bad you are. The more you practice, the closer you’ll feel to your old self.

The post Feeling Kinda Numb Lately? You Could Be Experiencing Anhedonia appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 03.15.24

Regina King Shares How She’s Feeling Two Years After Her Son’s Death

The actor talks about losing her son to suicide. ByShannon Barbour

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Regina King has made a name for herself as an award-winning actor, director, and advocate. She’s also been incredibly candid about mental health, particularly when it comes to grieving her son, Ian Alexander Jr., who died by suicide in January 2022. 

“Grief is a journey.” 

In an interview with Good Morning America anchor Robin Roberts earlier this week, King shared what grief looks like for her today. Speaking about her loss for the first time on TV, she said, “Grief is a journey.” King continued, “I understand that grief is love that has no place to go. I know that it’s important to me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is, speak about him in the present because he is always with me.”

King also explained that she felt “so angry with God” in the wake of her son’s death and walked Roberts through her thought process: “Why would that weight be given to Ian? Of all of the things that we had gone through, with the therapy, psychiatrists, and programs. And Ian was like, ‘I’m tired of talking, Mom.'”

It’s clear King did everything she could to help her son, but that doesn’t necessarily stop guilty feelings from cropping up. “When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, What could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened?” She added, “I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mom. Only me. And so, it’s mine, and the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me.”

Breaking down mental health myths.

In hopes of destigmatizing and demystifying suicidal ideation and the conditions that can contribute to it, King explained, “When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way, and they expect it to look heavy,” the Shirley actor said, tearing up. But depression doesn’t always look like that, and it can be hard for others to comprehend what Alexander Jr. might’ve been going through, she explains. 

In case you missed it, clinical depression (also called major depression or major depressive disorder) can come with a ton of symptoms. But, for the most part, people diagnosed with depression feel sad, guilty, worthless, apathetic, tired, and can have trouble sleeping, eating, focusing, or doing the things they normally enjoy, according to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). It’s also not uncommon for people who are depressed to mask their symptoms, clinical psychologist Margaret Robinson Rutherford, PhD, previously told Wondermind. And while some people with depression will also have thoughts of suicide, or suicidal ideation, that’s not always the case.

Suicidal ideation can happen to anyone, not just people with mental health conditions. Stuff like family drama, physical health, or financial stress can make someone feel hopeless or like there’s no solution to their problems. So they might turn to suicidal thoughts, suicidologist and professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago Jonathan B. Singer, PhD, LCSW previously told Wondermind. 

As painful as the loss is, King still feels for her son and adds, “I respect and understand that he didn’t want to be here anymore. That’s a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian’s journey.”

If you’re struggling with depression symptoms or suicidal thoughts, it’s super important to talk to a mental health professional who can help you unlock the treatment combo that would work best for your situation. 

How can I support someone who is grieving a death by suicide? 

When someone loses a loved one to suicide, it can be hard to know exactly what to say. You might want to ask what happened, how it happened, or if anyone noticed any signs, but experts say that line of questioning isn’t helpful. People tend to ask those things because they’re searching for simple explanations or something to blame. But suicide is more complicated than that, clinical psychologist and suicide prevention expert Nina Gutin, PhD, told Wondermind. Guessing games or casual investigations can be hurtful for people who just want someone to lean on. 

Despite those no-go questions, you can still be there for a suicide loss survivor. If you don’t know what to say, you could try, “I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish I knew how to make you feel better.” Because suicidal thoughts can be something the survivors deal with themselves, it’s also a good idea to ask them how they’re coping with everything, Kathryn Gordon, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook, previously said to Wondermind. You may not get this right all the time, but being there and pointing them toward crisis resources like 988 can go a long way. 

Finally, don’t be afraid to take a trip down memory lane to honor the person who passed. Sometimes talking about or listening to past stories can help them grieve and heal, Dr. Gutin said. 

How can I help someone who is experiencing suicidal ideation? 

When supporting someone with suicidal thoughts, it’s possible they might be feeling hopeless or like they just want their struggles to be over with. And this is where your support could come in clutch.

Try checking in regularly and asking open-ended questions to assess if they’re in danger and to learn about the obstacles they’re facing, Dr. Gordon told Wondermind. If they feel like they can share their thoughts without judgment, that can ease some of the storminess in their mind. It lets them know they’re not alone. 

You could also suggest low-energy hangouts to help curb any loneliness, hopelessness, and isolation, licensed therapist Mary Houston, LCSW, told Wondermind. Free ideas: Pick them up for a drive around your city while listening to music, watch a comfort show, or even sit in silence in the backyard. 

To be ready for worst-case scenarios, read up on suicide warning signs, safety plans, and what to do if someone acts on those thoughts, Houston said. Organizations like the Suicide Prevention Resource Center or the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention are a great place to start. 

The post Regina King Shares How She’s Feeling Two Years After Her Son’s Death appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.11.24

How to Be There for Someone Who Self-Harms

You’re more helpful than you think. BySam Brodsky

When you know that someone you care about is self-harming, you might think, Holy shit, what should I do? What can I possibly say or do without making it worse?  Despite the strides we’ve made in normalizing so many mental health topics, self-harm still seems to be taboo—thanks in part to the stigmatizing assumption that self-harm is just a means for gaining attention or sympathy, says therapist Arielle Mach, LCSW.

Being faced with self-harm might ring alarm bells, but it’s not usually like what you’ve seen in movies. Of course, anytime someone hurts themself on purpose it is  serious, but it doesn’t mean they want to end their life. It’s also not uncommon. “Self-harm should be treated like any other mental health issue—any other thing that a person is struggling with,” says Mach. And, with the right support, it can get better.

Technically speaking, self-harm is the “intentional, direct destruction of body tissue … without conscious suicidal intent,” according to the American Psychological Association. That last part is why mental health professionals also call it nonsuicidal self-injury. Though it’s not the same as suicidality, self-harm can be dangerous, says Mach.

Self-harm itself isn’t a mental illness; it’s a way some people cope with hard emotions when they’re at a loss for better ways to deal, says Mach. In her experience, people also self-harm when they’re emotionally numb or to give themselves a sense of control. They might do it as a form of self-punishment too, she adds. After self-harming, people might feel a lot of shame and sometimes do it again to manage big feelings that stem from the shame. That can spark a dangerous cycle, per the National Alliance on Mental Illness. 

Anyone, at any age, might engage in self-harm, notes Mach. That said, it’s most common in adolescents and young adults, per a review of research. Sometimes it can show up alongside larger mental health issues, like depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or PTSD, Mach adds.

Because this is such a complex mental health issue, you shouldn’t try to handle it all on your own, says Mach. Ideally, your person would also seek help from a licensed mental health professional trained in treating self-harm, she notes. (More on that later!) But there are ways you can be there for them.

Whether somebody just told you about their self-harm or you want to be prepared JIC, here are some specific ways you can support them, according to mental health professionals who treat self-harm.

Leave your judgment at the door. 

People who self-harm are often scared to be judged for it, says Mach. That can make being open about this mental health struggle…a struggle. “I think people are more comfortable sharing things like, ‘I feel depressed’ or ‘I feel anxious’ or ‘I’m having panic attacks,’ but there’s still a very big stigma around harming yourself on purpose,” she explains.

If they feel judged, they may not be open about their self-harm. Instead, they’ll shut down without asking for the support they likely need from you, explains Mach. Saying something like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This must be really hard. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” shows your loved one that you’re not gonna look at them differently, she says. It’s better than, “You shouldn’t do that,” or, “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” Even if you mean well, statements like those two make people feel ashamed, Mach notes. After all, many people who self-harm would agree. They wish they wouldn’t hurt themselves either—they just don’t know what else to do, she explains. 

You might not understand why they’re self-harming. That’s fair. But asking questions to learn more about their perspective can keep the convo going in a non-shamey way. Say, “I’m really trying to understand what’s going on with you. Can you tell me a little bit more about what triggers your self-harm?” suggests Mach. They might not even know the answer, so that’s OK too. You’re not there to interrogate them!

Just listen to them.

If you have no clue how to respond after they say they’re self-harming, just reflect back what they’re expressing to you, suggests clinical psychologist Ashley Schwartzman, PsyD. When you do that, be sure to ask if you got it right, she says. This way, they know you’re trying to get a grasp of what they’re going through. You might feel dumb for repeating their thoughts back to them, but it goes a long way to show them you’re a safe space. Plus, this communication skill is legit; it’s part of active listening. 

After you hear them out, thank them for coming to you. Try something like, “I know this must be hard for you to talk about so I’m really glad you came to me. Thank you,” suggests Dr. Schwartzman. This shows they’re important to you and encourages them to come to you in the future, she says.

Talk about other ways to manage Big Feelings. 

Again, when someone wants to self-harm, it’s usually because they’re trying to deal with something in their life. So a big part of stopping these behaviors is finding different coping skills. That might look like distracting themself with TV or music, going for a walk, or splashing cold water in their face, Mach explains. Using these skills can give your mind and body a break from the emotionally charged experiences that may otherwise lead to self-harm, explains Dr. Schwartzman. 

Talking about how they’ve coped with intense feelings without self-harming can make it easier to turn to those skills in hard times, says Mach. Then, if they come to you later with those urges, you can remind them that going on a walk or watching a show has helped them before, she notes. You can even offer to do these things with them so they’re not alone, she adds.

Of course, working with a professional to figure out coping skills is most helpful, both therapists say. So encourage them to seek help or offer to help them find it so they can get tools from the people who know what they’re talking about. (More on this in a bit!) 

If you’re a parent or caregiver of someone who self-harms, you can actually go to dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) sessions, either by yourself or in skills groups with your kid and other caregivers, to learn stuff like this, says Dr. Schwartzman. If this applies to you, you might want to check those out to better support your kid.

When in doubt, ask how you can best help them.

If you’re at a loss, you can ask your loved one what they need. Opening the floor to them shows that you care and want to support them in the moment. And, since everyone is different, don’t just assume you know what they need from you, says Mach. Give them the chance to tell you. 

You can also ask what’s not helpful and respect those boundaries moving forward. That shows them you’re an emotional outlet now and in the future. Maybe they don’t want to give you specifics. In that case, don’t press them, says Mach. If they say they don’t want you to keep asking them about their self-harm, give them space to come to you. That said, if they feel like they may self-harm when they’re alone, it’s encouraged that you stick around, Mach notes.

Get emergency help if they need it. 

When someone tells you that they hurt themself on purpose, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want to die. Like we said before, self-harm and suicide attempts aren’t the same. However, some research suggests that having a history of self-harm can put someone at higher risk of suicidal thoughts and suicidal behavior. 

If somebody you love has just hurt themself on purpose and you think their life is in danger, it’s best to err on the side of caution, both experts say. As someone who isn’t a trained professional, you wouldn’t necessarily know how to determine whether or not a person who’s self-harming is suicidal, Mach explains. That’s not on you to figure out. Instead, call a crisis mobile unit in your area, 988, or 911, or take them to the nearest emergency room where they can get a proper assessment, suggests Dr. Schwartzman.

Help them find support. 

Again, since self-harm is serious, it’s not something that non-mental health pros should handle solo, says Mach. That’s also a lot of pressure to put on yourself. While showing your support is important, someone who self-harms also needs help from a licensed, trained professional, she explains. 

Aside from taking the onus off of you, a mental health pro can help someone who’s self-harming with the things we’ve already talked about: finding new coping skills, planning for what to do if they’re in a crisis, and learning more about why they self-harm, says Dr. Schwartzman. Your person may also feel more comfortable being honest with a therapist about what they’re going through, she notes.  

For all of these reasons, asking if you can help them find a therapist is a good move. In a perfect world, they’d book an appointment with a mental health pro who has experience working with people who’ve self-harmed using therapies like dialectical behavior therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, notes Mach. Good directories to start off with are Psychology Today and the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies. 

Once they’re set up with a pro, you can step in from the sidelines with extra support when they need it. 

The post How to Be There for Someone Who Self-Harms appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 03.06.24

Solomon Thomas Is Talking About His Feelings in the Locker Room

The NFL defensive lineman knows how important—and how brave—it is to be vulnerable. ByCasey Gueren

Solomon Thomas was about seven weeks into the NFL season last year when he started making sourdough bread. “I wasn’t playing well, I wasn’t feeling good mentally. And I was like, I need to do something. I need to break the routine of going home and just thinking about football.” Pretty soon he was making a few loaves a week for his teammates, and some of the other New York Jets players got in on the action too. “I know it doesn’t sound like a mental health thing, but it was so therapeutic for me to have a hobby outside of football to go home to.” 

Baking bread is hardly the only tool in Thomas’s mental fitness toolkit. The defensive lineman tells Wondermind his mental health routine involves therapy, meditation, journaling, exercising, getting outside, and plenty of deep conversations with friends. 

Thomas never expected to be a mental health advocate and co-founder of a mental health foundation. Then, six years ago, he lost his sister Ella to suicide, and everything changed. Out of unthinkable heartache, The Defensive Line was born. “Our mission is to end the epidemic of youth suicide, especially for young people of color, by transforming the way we connect and communicate over mental health,” says Thomas, who was recently awarded the 2023 Heisman Humanitarian Award. 

The foundation, which he co-founded with his parents, brings suicide prevention programs into schools, businesses, and collegiate sports programs to better equip anyone in a mentorship role (teachers, coaches, etc.) to spot the warning signs, respond in a crisis, and create a safe space to share what’s going on. “When I was growing up in school, by the time I got home, I wasn’t going to talk to [my parents] about my feelings. The people who were going to see my changes in behavior were my teachers, my coaches. And it’s the same thing at work,” says Thomas. “Just trying to train everyone to understand mental health and the warning signs and the questions—I think that’s a huge part of suicide prevention and mental health awareness.” 

Here, Thomas shares more about his mental health journey, how he keeps Ella’s memory alive, and his strategy for getting more guys to talk about their feelings in the locker room. 

WM: How are you, really? 

ST: I am good right now, but at the same time—ever since the season ended on January 8th—I’ve been living in a very anxious state because I’m a free agent this year. So that means in March, I don’t have a team. I don’t technically have a job yet. And so I pack up my place in New Jersey, I put it all in storage, and I go live with my parents as a 28-year-old. I go train at home and I just kind of wait to see what’s next.

And I’m a homebody. Home, for me, is peace. So not having a home right now is hard. I’ve been home probably four to six days in February, and I’ve been traveling on the road doing a lot of things. So today’s been a good day, but definitely each day has been a little bit of a different struggle being in this space of the unknown and not knowing what’s next. And I’m just really excited to figure out where I’m going to be playing next, where I’m going to be living. I am good, but I’m also figuring out this anxious state that I’m looking at.

WM: What are some ways that you deal with that uncertainty? 

ST: I’m really thankful that I’ve been in this work the last few years. Now I have things to rely on to deal with my anxiety and to deal with this state of uncertainty so I’m not stuck in this state of being on edge all day. I can journal. I think it helps me out a lot, helps me stay grounded. I’m a big overthinker, so it gets my thoughts out of my head. 

Also I have more time now that we’re not in season, so I’m meeting with my therapist a lot more. We’re probably meeting one to two times a week, and she’s been amazing and really helping me to just get back in the flow of life and understand, hey, we’re in this state right now, but you can still function in this state and you can still have good days in the state.

And, past that, training is a big part of my job, but it also helps me out mentally a lot when I work out. I love training, I love being in the gym. It’s kind of like a peace for me. But also getting outside, getting a lot of sun. In season, we go through a lot of pain and trauma, so getting my basic vitals in—whether it’s vitamins, going on walks in the sun, listening to certain music—helps me be more calm. 

And then just having these conversations with my friends and talking about it. Last night I called a friend and we had a conversation about, “Hey, we know it’s about to come up. We know it’s about to be stressful and anxious, but I got your back. We can get through it. Good things are coming our way.” It’s positive affirmations we’re telling each other, but also just like, “Hey, we’re not alone. We’ve been through this before together, and we’re going to get through it together again.” 

WM: Can you tell us about your mental health journey? Is this something you’ve always been passionate about? 

ST: I really never thought I would be here. I was always sensitive growing up, very emotional. My parents raised us to know our emotions, to love and to be there for each other, and to communicate these things. But, at the same time, being a young man growing up in a locker room a lot and being in competitive sports, it was something that I never really did. … So mental health was never a big thing for me or something that I really believed in growing up, but it became a huge passion of mine. 

In 2018, I lost my sister to suicide, and my family and I were thrown into this mental health world, and it was just a world we knew nothing about. Ella died by suicide, but people never talked about it. They would talk about Ella dying and Ella not being here, but it was never: “Why isn’t Ella here? What signs did we miss? Did you know this about Ella?” It was just something we didn’t talk about, and it kind of threw me and my family into this very empty world where we felt alone. We felt like we couldn’t talk about it. We felt like people weren’t there for us. People were there for us—we had the most amazing support in the world—but around the subject of mental health, we didn’t feel like people were there for us so we could have that conversation. 

There’s no right way to handle that type of death, but I didn’t handle it correctly. I kind of suppressed my emotions. I was told: Be strong for your parents, give it to God, pray about it and you’ll be fine. In my head, I’m like, OK, people go through this all the time. People lose people. I’m going to be OK. And I kept trying to move on that way. I’d lost loved ones before, but my sister was my person. She was my constant in this world of moving around all the time. She was a person who made me feel like I wasn’t weird. She made me feel normal, and she made me feel validated. And not having her here, it was a new feeling and sensation of being alone and being empty.

So I would suppress these emotions, and then my world just kept getting darker and darker. And it got to a point where the season had started and I had just gotten a concussion and I was alone a lot. You have to sit in a dark room after concussion. And I started getting these deep, dark thoughts—thoughts I never thought I would have before. And I kept judging myself for these thoughts. Then you get in this pattern of not wanting to wake up, not wanting to go to sleep, and I’m stuck in suicidal ideation—not even knowing what that meant at the time—and just in a really hard place. 

One morning before work, my general manager, John Lynch, came up to me and he was like, hey, so we know you’re struggling and we got your back, and if you need help, we got you. At this time, I had been refusing to go to therapy. … I had seen a sports psychologist [when I was at Stanford University] for a little bit. And I went back to her for one session and she asked me that question—she said, “How are you doing, really?” And I just started bawling, crying in the session and talking about Ella and how much I missed her and how much I’m struggling. And at the end of the session, she told me, “Hey, Solomon, you need to get better help than me. I’m not cut out for what you’re going through.” After that, I was like, That’s my sign. Therapy’s not for me. If she can’t handle me, who can? And then, going back to John, that conversation lifted the weight off my shoulders. And after that, I was finally able to get help.

From going to therapy, I learned how to understand my depression, understand my sadness, to talk about it, to put it into words. She taught me how to have coping mechanisms when these things come up. She taught me that it’s OK to cry. It’s OK to feel this. You don’t have to feel good right now. You’re not supposed to feel good right now. You’re learning how to live again. 

So my philosophy and my family’s philosophy is: If doing this work, having these talks, putting my vulnerability and my deep dark secrets out there—which is something I never thought I’d be doing—if that saves one life, if that saves one person from going through the pain that Ella went through, or if that saves one family from going through the pain that we go through for missing Ella, it’s all worth it. 

Of course, the one thing I would change about this whole journey is Ella being here. I want her here more than anything. But going through this journey, I’ve learned a new way to live, a new way to connect with people, a new way to see life. And I wouldn’t change that, because we get this one life and I want to feel it, and I want to help people, and I want to be here and make a difference. And I think this is my way, and this has been my calling.

WM: As you mentioned, feelings probably don’t come up in the locker room often. What advice would you give to men who are still apprehensive about discussing their mental health or seeking professional help? 

ST: First of all, I would like to say in the locker room we have started to talk about it! We have a corner in the Jets locker room—it’s an older vet group, guys that know my story—and we’ll talk about therapy. And sometimes the younger guys come around and they’ll start listening. So [we’re doing our best] to change the status quo of locker room talk. 

But, to answer the question, for men, I just try to tell ’em: Hey, there’s no shame in talking about your feelings. There’s no weakness in being vulnerable. There’s no weakness in being sensitive or being able to feel. We always talk about being strong, tough men and being masculine, and we want all those things. If you just go through your day and tell someone you’re fine all day—that’s easy. That’s not strength. But how hard is it for a man to go to someone and tell them how they’re feeling? That is strength, that is real vulnerability. That is real power. So I try to tell guys, if you want to be that strong man, you talk about these things. We have these hard conversations. 

Part of being the man that guys talk about all the time is being the best. And if you want to be your best self, you have to know yourself the best. And the best way that I know how to do that is through therapy. You learn: Why do I like these things? Why do I feel these things? How do I put it into words, how do I talk about these things? You get to know yourself so well. 

Another thing that I tell guys is, from an athlete perspective, when I was going through that dark time in San Francisco after my sister died, I wasn’t playing well. I didn’t really care about playing. I was still giving my all, but things weren’t working out. Then I started going to therapy, started getting help, and my mind cleared up. And when that did, I started playing better. My body was moving faster, more explosive, stronger. If you know anything about the NFL season, it’s really treacherous. It’s really hard. There’s no way you can get bigger, faster, stronger during the season. But by just clearing my mind and clearing my mental health, I was able to do that. 

WM: In the years since your sister’s passing, what have you learned about grief and how to navigate it?  

ST: Grief is such an interesting, weird, and crazy thing. I like to describe it like I have this hole in my heart and it’s never going to go away. My mom always says grief is like a wave. You ride the wave for a little bit, then it crashes again, and then you ride it for a little bit, then it crashes again. You don’t get to control grief. It will come and hit you in phases at any time. You never know what’s going to hit you. 

I carry my sister’s death with me a lot better now, six years later, but there’s days that it hurts like it’s day one all over again. I used to run from these feelings of sadness, depression, anger around her death, the anger of missing her, the guilt around missing her, the guilt around learning what to do later and all this stuff. But I learned when I ran from that, I let Ella actually die, and that killed me. But when I accepted those feelings and I felt them, I was able to connect with her. I was able to see what she went through and learn her journey and learn more about her—even though she’s not even here anymore. And that, to me, was the most powerful thing. I was able to feel her still be here. I was able to keep her spirit alive. 

When I cry, I feel like I’m honoring her. I feel like I’m letting her know, “Hey, I miss you and I want you here.” Or when I’m angry about it, I’m just letting her know, “Hey, I’m just frustrated. You’re not here, but I’m going to keep living for you.” 

I don’t know if I call it a coping mechanism, but accepting these feelings is huge for my grief journey and keeping Ella alive with me. 

WM: What is one aspect of your mental health that still feels like a work in progress? 

ST: I would say consistency, but also I would say self-talk. I’m very proud of how much my self-talk has gotten better, but it’s still a theme in therapy. My therapist reminds me all the time, “Hey, why are you judging yourself right now? Why are you judging 8-year-old Solomon? And I’m like, dang, I really am. I need to be nicer to myself. 

I think it’s something we all do—especially people who are in high-performance and high-competitive lifestyles. We’re very hard on ourselves. I can be hard on myself and push myself, but I can also love myself through it. So working on that and not judging myself is something that I’m definitely working on hard right now.

WM: Speaking of 8-year-old Solomon, what advice do you wish you could go back and give your younger self? 

ST: I think the biggest thing that I should have told my 8-year-old self is to love myself unconditionally. I don’t believe I really loved myself until two years ago. I’ve made this habit: the first thing I write in my journal, no matter what I’m writing, is: I love myself unconditionally. Because I went through such a hard time of judging myself, not loving my appearance, whether it’s body dysmorphia, not liking the way I look, not liking the way I make friends or how I feel alone and weird. 

So just to love myself unconditionally and to be authentically and unapologetically Solomon Thomas, however that comes. There’s one me, and I’m unique and great in my own way, and I should love that about myself. I feel like that would have helped me out a lot when I was younger, whether it was moving around and feeling like I couldn’t make friends or feeling weird and awkward, but also to understand that weirdness and awkwardness that I’m feeling makes me who I am and to love that about myself. 

WM: The NFL has been focusing a lot more on mental health recently. As someone in the mental health advocacy space, what do you think they’re doing right, and what would you like them to do more of? 

ST: I’m very proud of the NFL. Three or four years ago, they put out an NFL initiative where they put more funding into making sure players can get therapy, that their family members can get help, and that there are more resources and clinicians available. I’m very proud of them for that. And also, this past year, they’ve been picking up more of The Defensive Line’s work and other foundations, like Dak Prescott’s foundation, Faith Fight Finish. And for the Super Bowl commercials, there was a big mental health push in those as well. So I’m very thankful for that. But I do think the NFL definitely does need to do a better job in a lot of ways. And the first way I’ll say is educating these coaches and the GMs [general managers] and the guys who are making the decisions.

A lot of us now are getting more in tune with our mental health and accepting it, but a lot of the people who are not OK with it are the people who are supposed to be the mentors, the heads of the building making decisions. And I do feel like that plays a role in decision making or small things throughout the season. And I feel that has guys being reluctant to ask for help or to go to the clinician. And I think that’s a mentality that needs to change. The coaches, GMs, player personnel owners need to be educated a lot more and understand that, hey, we’re human beings. I know this is a business, but also you need to care about us in that aspect too. If I’m the owner, if I’m a GM, if I want my team to be the best, I want them to be the best human beings and people, because, like I said, this mental health/physical health connection makes you the best athlete possible. 

Past that, I don’t think enough is done [for guys after they’re done playing]. The game of football—we all know, it’s no secret—it affects our brain and it affects our brain health. And then that affects our mental health and how we act. There needs to be more education and push for players when they’re done playing to make sure they stay on top of their blood work and vitals to see how their chemistry is changing. There needs to be more funding for guys to get therapy and get these mental health resources after they’re done playing. 

Because when we’re done playing, life’s going to get a lot harder, or we’re going to have identity issues, we’re going to not know what to do. We might have financial issues, physical issues, all these things. And this is when we need the mental health help the most, because we lose way too many players. It’s been really unfortunate. We lose way too many players when they’re done playing to these issues—you could call it whatever you want, you could call at CTE [chronic traumatic encephalopathy], you could call it lifestyle choices, but it all stems down to taking care of your mental health. And it’s a big problem. I’m proud of the league, but there is a long way we need to go, and I’m going to do my best to make sure I help the league in any way I can.

WM: What else would you like to share with our readers who might be going through a hard time right now? 

ST: It may seem super dark, but there is a small light of hope in the dark storm you’re going through. And I would say to hold onto that light, to love yourself through it, to know that you’re not alone. You’re not crazy for feeling the way you’re feeling. Honor your feelings, honor your emotions, you’re feeling them for a reason, and you’re not crazy for feeling them. 

Just understand that it’s OK not to be OK. It’s OK to feel the way you’re feeling. You’re not going to feel this forever. Things will get better. You are loved and you’re needed to stay here on this Earth. I always like ending with that, because there are too many people out there who are feeling those things right now and who feel like the only way out is to leave. And we need them to stay, because Earth needs them here.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Solomon Thomas Is Talking About His Feelings in the Locker Room appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.12.24

8 Uncomfy Things That Are Totally Normal to Talk About in Therapy

What you say in therapy stays in therapy. BySam Brodsky

It can be intimidating to divulge dark stuff you’d rather forget (like cheating or suicidal thoughts) to a therapist. But bringing up the random shit that makes you cringe, like the sporadic visual of you punching a baby, isn’t any easier.

It’s valid to feel weird (maybe even embarrassed) about disclosing all this stuff, but it’s a therapist’s job not  to judge you, says relationship therapist Erica Turner, LMFT. That means you can basically talk to your therapist about anything. “Our job is to literally hold your experiences without shame, without judgment, to remain curious, to remain empathetic,” she promises.

That’s cool and all, but, aside from the potential judgery, you might feel like discussing those dark or random things is pointless. Say you’ve been navigating depression with your therapist and aren’t sure if it makes sense to bring up your out-of-the-blue attraction to your best friend. Even if something seems off-topic or NBD to you, if it’s messing with the way you show up in the world or invades your brain more often than you’d like, your therapist wants to know about it. Worst-case scenario is they don’t feel equipped to address that particular issue and they refer you to a specialist who can offer more help, says certified sex therapist Donna Oriowo, PhD, LICSW, MEd. 

In case you need more convincing, we talked to mental health pros about the things their clients are often nervous to discuss but 100% can (and should) bring into the room. Consider this permission to let it all out, friends. 

1. Intrusive thoughts 

The uncomfy brain montage of you and a stranger making out? Weird! But, also, it’s normal. Bizarre ideas like that can pop into your head even if you don’t want those things to happen or truly have no idea where they came from, says psychotherapist Chris Trondsen, LMFT. And your therapist wants to hear about it—especially if it’s bothering you. 

When you broach the subject, you can be as specific as you want about the intrusive thoughts. If you’re uncomfortable saying them out loud, you can always write them down, suggests licensed therapist Jessica Shoflick, LCSW. If that’s still too much, just talk about how they’re affecting you so your therapist can help you deal, notes Trondsen. They’ll be able to remind you that you are not your thoughts and thinking something isn’t the same thing as doing it, he says.

2. Sex

Talking about sex can feel embarrassing as fuck. But therapists have literally heard it all, says Dr. Oriowo. Therapy’s supposed to help you create a life that feels good, and, for a lot of people, sex is part of that, agrees certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT.

If you’re still unsure, you can start by asking if sex is a topic your therapist is fine talking about, says Francis. For example, you can say, “I might want to ask you about some sex fantasies I’ve been having. Is that OK?” From there, if they’re down, your therapist can help you unpack it all. They might empower you to release the shame you feel, notes Francis. Or, they can help you figure out what to do about an issue.  

3. Race-based concerns

If you’ve experienced microaggressions or any other discrimination based on what you look like, you might be nervous to talk about it in therapy. Sometimes that’s because, in the past, someone told you that you’re being sensitive for calling it out or you internalized it as “not a real problem,” says Dr. Oriowo. You also may hesitate to bring it up if you think your therapist can’t relate, she says. 

Still, if you’re comfortable talking about it, a mental health pro can help you unpack the ways colorism and texturism impact your life and relationships, Dr. Oriowo says. “We have been taught that certain people should be devalued based on what the color of their skin is or what the texture of their hair is,” she says. “So in doing the work to unravel the messages that they have internalized about themselves and learning about beauty diversity, they can start to feel better about themselves.”

4. Cheating on a partner 

If Scandoval taught us anything, it’s that people hate cheaters. So it’s no wonder you’d be nervous to bring your own infidelity (not to be confused with ethical non-monogamy) up in therapy. Though, if you don’t, you might be missing out on some helpful or even healing insights from your mental health pro. 

To bring it up, you can start broad and let the therapist ask the followups, says Turner. They’re not going to boo you or refuse to meet with you ever again. They’ll help you get to the bottom of why you cheated, which could be seeking excitement or feeling disconnected from your partner, she notes. Whatever it was, they’ll help you explore that and what you want to do about it, she says. 

5. Suicidal ideation 

Having thoughts about not wanting to be alive is probably not something you’re thrilled to admit, but it’s intel your therapist will want to know. Depending on what you’re comfortable with, you can lead with something vague like, “I’ve been having suicidal thoughts,” or, “I’ve been thinking about not wanting to be alive anymore,” suggests Turner. Of course, you can be more specific with, “I wish I wouldn’t wake up,” but it’s ultimately on your therapist to ask what’s going on, she says. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get the words right.  

Your therapist will likely help you come up with a game plan for staying safe when you have those thoughts, aka a safety plan, says Turner. You might jot down friends and family who always know what to say or how to listen, things that calm you or distract you in the moment, or crisis hotlines to call, she explains.

A mental health pro will also help you suss out your triggers and how to deal, Turner adds. Instead of staying in a spiral, you might plan to go for a walk, journal, or talk to a friend. If your trigger is past trauma, your therapist can help you “bring your brain and body into the present so you are no longer reacting to the situation you already have escaped from,” notes licensed therapist Alo Johnston, LMFT. 

FYI: If you’re worried that bringing this up will result in a one-way ticket to mandatory hospitalization, here’s some helpful info on how to talk about suicidal ideation in therapy and what might lead a therapist to break confidentiality and act on your behalf. 

6. Abuse

Oftentimes people blame themselves or think their therapist will judge them for past or ongoing abuse, Turner says. You might also believe that talking about it will get the abuser in trouble, she adds. (Just so you know, elder and child abuse are typically the only cases of abuse that therapists are required to report, Turner says. Anything other than that would be breaking confidentiality.) 

Because of all of these complicated feelings, it takes a lot of trust to talk about being intentionally harmed physically, emotionally, or sexually, Turner notes. But when you’re ready to bring it up, do it in whatever way feels safe for you, she says. “Therapy, for better or for worse, is a place to bring your pain and to be seen as worthwhile and whole and to have someone hold possibility and hope for your healing,” assures Francis.  

7. Financial issues 

Money struggles can stir up tons of shame and stigma. That can make it difficult to talk to your therapist about financial problems, says Johnston. But therapy can help you process those hard feelings and confront the practical issues. Your therapist can also clue you in on what fears are stopping you from talking about money with other  people, like your partner, says Johnston. The convos might still be hard to have, but you can learn to manage them.

It can also be awkward to bring up your ability to pay for therapy with your therapist, says Johnston. But, instead of just ignoring it and ghosting when it gets too expensive, talk about it. See if they’re willing to work with you. You could say, “I don’t have a job anymore, but I’d like to continue seeing you. Can we work something out?” he suggests. It’s worth a shot!

8. Issues you have with therapy—or your therapist 

Sometimes a therapist might say something you don’t like. You might even feel like therapy’s run out of juice and isn’t helping you anymore. It can seem awkward, but a mental health pro can’t help you if you’re not being fully honest about how it’s going. 

When it comes to correcting their assessments, you can say, “By the way, that’s not what I meant,” or, “I actually think something else is going on,” says Johnston. If confrontation freaks you out, you can email your therapist rather than say this in person, says Dr. Oriowo. Or, you can try a “sandwich” approach, where you put your feedback between two nice statements, suggests Shoflick. That could sound like, “Hey, it’s been great having your support, but I feel X way when you say Y to me. I’m grateful for the space you’ve given me to be so open, but I wanted to tell you that.” However you give feedback, “this is an opportunity to address issues directly and try new skills with someone who wants to do that work with you,” Johnston says. 

You can also break up with your therapist if things aren’t going great or you don’t think you need them anymore. Usually, your therapist should be checking in with you anyway, and they know they won’t be with you forever, assures Dr. Oriowo. Use the last 15 minutes of a session to bring this up with something like, “I’m thinking about maybe not coming to therapy anymore. I’m feeling OK and don’t think that I need it,” she suggests. Then, you’ll probably chat about how you came to this decision and if this should be your final session, she notes. There’s no shame in saying goodbye!

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