Pro Tips Link Copied 03.20.25

Your Spring Self-Care Horoscope

No judgment for that Mercury retrograde-based mental health day. ByLisa Stardust

Welcome to spring 2025! While the vibes are mixed, per usual, the planets will give us the opportunity to learn, grow, and change for the better. Those adjustments aren’t always easy, but there are plenty of ways to take care of yourself through the chaos. Here’s what we’re in for once the spring equinox hits on March 20th.

We begin the astrological year of 2025 as we always do, with Aries season. And this one starts with a bang. More specifically, we’ll be in the thick of two major planetary retrogrades. 

Venus, which has been retrograde since March 1st, continues to backslide. On March 27th, the planet ruling romantic love and creativity enters the sign of Pisces, heightening emotions and making us extra sensitive until April 12th. 

Mercury retrograde has also been causing a ruckus since March 15th. And on March 29th, the planet of communication and technology moonwalks into intuitive Pisces. Despite the mess, this is a good time to listen to your gut as you process new information. 

On the same day Mercury enters Pisces, we’ll have a solar eclipse in Aries. Unlike the lunar eclipse in Virgo on March 14th, which asked us to lean into mindfulness, the solar eclipse in Aries is all about action. Don’t be surprised if an eclipse-fueled shake-up inspires you to pursue the things you’ve wanted for a while. 

On March 30th, Neptune, the planet of spirituality and idealism, also enters fiery Aries. That transit invites us to fight for our dreams and do the self-discovery work it takes to learn more about ourselves. 

Taurus season commences on April 19th, allowing us to embrace our creativity. Some of us might even see our hard work finally pay off.

Once we get to May, our sights will be set on ~healing~ as Pluto begins its five-month retrograde, starting on the 4th. This is a great time to look back on the last several months and think about how far we’ve come and what still needs our attention. If you allow yourself to get into your feels, it can be a very cathartic period. 

Then on May 20th, we kick off Gemini season and welcome more playful vibes.

Austere Saturn, known for its strict nature, moves into Aries on May 24th, urging us to be more assertive. It’s a good time to ensure you’re taking all the necessary measures to reach your goals. 

Starting June 9th, Jupiter, who’s been traveling through the sign of Gemini for the first half of 2025, swims into Cancer. And the planet of expansion and luck is happy there. This will be the perfect opportunity to tune into our emotions and offer compassion to those who need it (including ourselves).

JSYK, how these planetary transits impact you depends on your birth chart, or a map of the planets that shows where they were in relation to your time and place of birth. 

Below, you can see what all this means for you based on your sun sign or your rising sign—both good indicators of how these will affect you. Plus, you’ll get insights on the best way to take care of yourself while it all goes down.  

Aries

As a fire sign, it’s easy for you to push through, be bold, and keep up appearances by default. But with all the transits happening in your sun sign this March (Venus retrograde, Mercury retrograde, and the solar eclipse), it’s time to shift gears. 

Your self-care assignment is vulnerability. Be honest about your feelings, ask for help, and try to go with the flow. It’s not easy, but rethinking how you respond to change can help you redefine the terms of your life and make new rules. 

Taurus 

The Venus retrograde wants you to reassess your friendships, Taurus. Once your ruling planet (Venus) ends its backward spin in Pisces on April 12th, you’ll likely find that the quality of your people is more important than the quantity. 

Still, it’s important for you to show up for those you care about too. This spring, think about the ways you can care for the people you love. How can you be more supportive, nurturing, and compassionate? Taking care of your community is a way to care for yourself. 

Gemini 

Ah, Mercury retrograde. When the planet that rules communication, technology, and your sun heads backward, it’s never easy. This time around, from March 15th to April 7th, you’ll feel as chaotic as ever. 

During this time of tech fails and miscommunications, do your best to reflect on how things have been going. Getting grounded via park walks and journaling could be just what you need to get your bearings. Don’t be surprised if this Mercury retrograde delivers new ideas. 

Cancer  

Your career is the focus of this season, Cancer. And while you might be on a path toward attaining major status in your field, you’ll first need to reassess whether your job and values align. The solar eclipse on March 29th and the Mercury and Venus retrogrades are all asking you to do exactly that. Think about your professional visions for the future, your life goals, and whether the road you’re on still makes sense. 

Take these next couple of months to reflect on what you want. By June 9th, when expansive Jupiter enters your sun sign, you’ll have the clarity you need to see those goals through. 

In the meantime, reflecting on what’s important to you, or your values, can usher in some clarity. Spend time journaling or just chatting with a friend about the stuff you’d like to prioritize moving forward. 

Leo

Don’t freak out, but Pluto is here to help you evolve this spring. When the planet of secrets, transformation, and healing goes retrograde on May 4th, feelings you’ve avoided may start to resurface. 

Take this time to rethink how you deal with big emotions. Are you proactively journaling, talking to trusted friends, or seeing a mental health professional? Or are you pushing it all down and hoping for the best?

If it’s the latter, this is your chance to find coping skills that will help you process and manage feelings like jealousy and anger. 

Virgo 

It’s been a lot lately, Virgo. The lunar eclipse in your sun sign on March 14th, the Mercury retrograde in Aries and Pisces, and the Venus retrograde (also in Aries) have shaken things up for you. 

It’s exhausting, but it’s also an opportunity for you to reflect on the types of relationships you want in your life and your communication skills. Looking back is often one of the best ways to move forward. 

Plus, the Aries solar eclipse on March 29th will give you the opportunity (and the energy) to shake off whatever isn’t working. 

As you settle into this new chapter, set some goals for yourself. How do you want this new astrological year to feel? How can you accomplish that?  

Libra 

Venus and Mercury’s retrograde through Aries this spring is hitting your house of partnerships hard. Whether it’s your business partner, your best friend, or your romantic partner, March is a great time to rethink those relationships. 

The solar eclipse in Aries in early March only amplified the drama and likely made you realize how important emotional intimacy is. Love that for you, Libra.

While finding moments of closeness in those tight relationships is important, don’t forget about the one with yourself. Prioritize quality alone time when you can, and get to know yourself as well as you know your loved ones. 

Scorpio

When Pluto, your ruling planet, retrogrades on May 4th, it’s time to embrace the things you don’t love about yourself. As the planet of secrets, transformation, and hidden truths, the Pluto retrograde wants you to reconsider what you hide from the world.

This is the perfect time to do a little shadow work, acknowledging the parts of yourself that feel embarrassing, shameful, or imperfect and embracing them (within reason). 

You could try to speak up for yourself even though you’re afraid of being too much. Or tell someone you trust something you’ve been ashamed about. Whatever you do, make self-compassion the priority. 

Sagittarius 

Jupiter in Gemini, the sign opposite your sun, may be dimming your shine, Sag. Since the planet of expansion and progress will remain there until June 9th, these last few months of the transit are asking you to take stock of all the good stuff in your life. 

Between now and June, start a regular gratitude practice. Making lists of what went well today, naming all the things you’re thankful for before bed, or celebrating your wins—even the ones you’d normally shrug off are all fair game. Relish your accomplishments. Savor the moments that spark joy.

Capricorn 

When Jupiter enters Cancer on June 9th, you can expect to see big changes in your love life. This is the time to be clear about what you want in romantic and platonic relationships and suss out anyone who isn’t throwing green flags. 

To get started, think about the things you value most in yourself, in other people, and in relationships in general. Taking stock of what’s important to you will help clarify who’s aligned and who isn’t—and they’re also a great self-discovery tool.

Aquarius 

With Pluto retrograde in your sun sign from May 4th to October 13th, the next several months are centered on reflection. More specifically, think about the ways you’ve felt slighted and the times when you may have hurt someone else. 

See if there’s an opportunity for you to forgive the people who messed up, including yourself. You’re more than your mistakes. Taking time to sit with what happened and how you feel about it can help you move forward. See if you find a new perspective. 

Pisces

When Jupiter enters your co-water sign, Cancer, on June 9th, you’ll slip into your “No thank you” era. As a chronic people pleaser, Jupiter’s expansive powers are here to help you take up space by prioritizing your own needs. 

Practice setting boundaries this season, Pisces. You can start small, like declining an invite you’d last-minute cancel anyway or waiting an hour before responding to a text. You don’t have to feel guilty for creating limits.

The post Your Spring Self-Care Horoscope appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 01.21.25

The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025

Control freaks, this one’s for you! BySam Brodsky

Your friends hung out without you. Your dad judges your job. The traffic? Freaking horrible. These are shitty situations that make you frustrated, angry, or stressed out. (Probably all the above, if you’re being honest.) But, according to author and podcast host Mel Robbins, the Let Them Theory can help you rise above it all. 

The idea is that what’s done is done: Your pals didn’t think to (or want to) invite you, you can’t magically change your dad’s mind, and you cannot bibbidi-bobbidi-boo bumper-to-bumper delays. But you can talk to your friends about your FOMO (or prioritize other connections), focus on all the things you love about your career, and use your travel delays to call someone back (safely, on speakerphone). 

Sounds simple enough, though there’s a bit more to it. And that’s the subject of Robbins’ newest self-help book, The Let Them Theory, which she co-wrote with her daughter Sawyer Robbins. If the advice to spend less time worrying about what other people do or think sounds a little familiar, that’s because it is, says Robbins. The concept of giving up control has roots in Buddhism, Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, and radical acceptance, she notes. 

Here, Robbins explains how this concept works and why it can benefit your career, your relationships, and your inner rage monster at busy checkout lines. Let us get into it. 

WM: What is the Let Them Theory, and how does it work?

Mel Robbins: The Let Them Theory is a simple mindset tool that has two parts. The first part is telling yourself to, Let them, during any moment in life where you feel annoyed, frustrated, stressed out, or worried about a situation or another person. As soon as you say those two words, you are releasing control of what another person thinks, says, does, believes, and feels. 

Any psychologist will tell you that whenever you try to control something that you can’t, it just creates more stress and frustration and anxiety for you. For the first 54 years of my life, I didn’t know this. I mean, I’m a very smart person, but I had no idea that my attempt to control other people and little things that were happening all around me—long lines or traffic or somebody being rude—drained my energy.

Once you say, Let them, you recognize you can’t control what another person thinks, says, or does. Therefore, it is not worth your time and energy to try. Then you say, Let me, reminding yourself of the things that are in your control: what you think about another person or situation, what you do or don’t do in response to another person or situation, and what you do in response to your emotions. 

Every time you say, Let them, it’s the ultimate boundary between you and the rest of the world. It is an act of self-love and self-protection. You recognize that your time and energy is worth protecting. Then you say, Let me, and you pull your time and energy back and you get to choose what you do with it. 

If you’re standing in a long line, they’ve got one cash register open, and there are five people in front of you, you might feel very angry. And that anger means you just gave power to that situation. But, you have so much more power when you say, Let them run the store however they want. Let them take some time. And then you come to the let me part: Let me remind myself I can leave. Let me remind myself I can listen to something [while I wait]. Let me remind myself I could call my grandmother right now. Let me remind myself I could stand here, close my eyes, and meditate for a minute. You have control over that.

WM: What about dealing with a boss who’s in a bad mood?

MR: Let them be in a bad mood, and remind yourself that you’re not your boss’s mom and their mood is not your responsibility. Ask yourself if this is something that’s happening this week or if it’s who this person is. Because if they’re like this all the time, no job is worth coming in and dealing with this. And instead of going home and griping to everybody, it is within your power to find a different place to work. But if you cower to their mood, you give all your power to your boss. 

And I think the bigger thing for your readers is learning how to use this around other people’s opinions. 

WM: Can the Let Them Theory help you care less about other people’s opinions? 

MR: You will always care what other people think. It’s a sign that you’re mentally well, you want to belong, and you want people to like you. That’s a good thing. The issue is when you give more weight to what other people think than you give to what you think about yourself.

Here’s the sad truth. You can’t control what somebody else is ever going to think or do. People might unfollow you, they might roll their eyes, they might smile to your face and then gossip behind your back. And so instead of trying to gaslight yourself and say, Well, I don’t really care what people think, just say to yourself, Let them think something negative. I mean, that’s what you’re afraid of. 

The average person has thousands of thoughts a day, many of which they can barely control. And learning to say, Let them be disappointed, let them unfollow me, let them think something negative, has been liberating because I’m creating space for somebody to think whatever they want. And I’m also acknowledging that I can’t control it anyway. The only thing that I can control is what I think of myself. 

What I found is that the more I just let myself show up in a way that was consistent with what I value and what my goals are, the prouder I was of myself and the less I even thought about what other people were thinking. And here’s why: I actually know the truth of who I am. I know what I value. I know what my intentions are. And so even if I do something out in the world that hurts somebody’s feelings or they misunderstand something, I just let them and then I let me clean it up because that’s not what I intended. But I don’t allow someone else’s opinion or someone else’s disappointment to actually impact how I feel about myself.

WM: How can the Let Them Theory help with decision-making—especially when you’re worried about what other people will think? 

MR: The reason why we don’t make decisions we know in our hearts are right is because we’re afraid of how other people will feel or react. But, most of the time, somebody is going to be disappointed or upset by the decision you make. Your roommate is going to be upset that you want to move in with your partner. Your parents are going to be upset that you want to move across the country or change your major. Your boss is going to be upset if you say you can’t work this weekend. 

I personally believe you know what the right decision is for you. You’re just scared to make it because you don’t want to deal with other people’s emotions. 

This theory will teach you two things can be true at once. Your boss can be disappointed that you can’t take a weekend shift, and you can still be a great employee they deeply respect. Your parents can be upset that you’re moving across the country, and you can still move across the country. Your roommate can be really bummed and give you the cold shoulder and sulk around for a month, and your friendship’s going to be OK. Let them sulk, let them be disappointed, let them be upset. Let adults have their normal emotions. 

WM: But what if you’re a people pleaser who hates disappointing others?

MR: This is something you were [probably] trained to do during your childhood. Well, now it’s time to fucking grow up and learn to let people be disappointed. Because when you say, Let them be disappointed, you’re breaking that pattern. You are separating yourself from another adult’s emotions. You’re recognizing it is not your job to parent other people. Other adults are capable of handling their emotions—if you let them.

Your mother will get over it. Your friend will get over it. Your boss will get over it. So when you say, Let them, you are breaking this pattern of people pleasing. You’re drawing a boundary and you’re separating yourself from this other person. 

Then you say, Let me remind myself I have one job as an adult: to make decisions that make me proud of myself. I’m exhausted from work, and I don’t want to go to a party with 12 people where we’re shouting over the music and I don’t even see my friend. Let me decline the invitation, and let me reach out to my friend and say, “How about I take you out to all the vintage stores we love and out for lunch, my treat, next Saturday?”

WM: OK, but what if the person you disappoint doesn’t get over it? 

MR: Let them! You get to choose whether or not you’re going to give this person time. You get to choose whether or not their emotions are your job. You get to choose whether or not you’re going to prioritize this friendship. And so that’s why you always have power. 

WM: What’s a common mistake you’ve seen people make when trying to implement the Let Them Theory? 

MR: The single biggest mistake people make is they only do step one.

If you don’t say, Let me, it’s very common to feel a little lonely: Let my friends not invite me to brunch. Let my family not return my phone calls or ever make an effort. And then you’re going to sit there in your judgment, and that is the biggest danger of this. You have to do the let me part. And a lot of people don’t like this part because this is where you look in the mirror, where you stop blaming other people, and you truly have to take responsibility for what you do about it. This is where compassion comes into play.

Let’s say you start to notice you’re the one who makes the effort and people don’t return your calls, they’re not great about texting, or they don’t initiate the plans. Well, you’re going to say, Let them, because getting upset and judging isn’t going to help you, and it makes you stressed. Let them be who they are. They’re revealing who they are and what they care about.

Now you come to the let me part, and you’ve got a lot of things in your control. For example: Let me really look in the mirror and ask myself: What do I value? If you value friendship and family and a social life, then it’s your responsibility to create it. And you get to choose whether or not you continue to pour time into the friendships [that aren’t reciprocal] or if you’re going to take that time and go make new friends as an adult.

You also get to choose, by the way, to look at things with a level of maturity and grace and say, I’m actually friends with a lot of introverted people or a lot of people who don’t have the energy right now to reach out. Maybe my role in our friendship is to be the person connecting. Maybe my role is the glue that keeps our family together. 

WM: What’s your advice for people trying to implement this theory into their lives?

MR: Anytime somebody’s annoying you or stressing you out, just say, Let them. You’re going to feel instant freedom and power. Then say, Let me, and remind yourself, I have control here. What do I want to do in response?

If you’re in a very triggering situation or something that is ongoing—like you just broke up and you’re trying to move through heartbreak—you’re going to have to say, Let them walk out the door, let them sleep with other people, let them move on, let them not love me, over and over and over again, because the hurt doesn’t just go away. You need this to respond to emotions that keep rising up. 

WM: And any advice for people who are scared to give up control and just “let them” do their thing?  

MR: I’m going to let you hold onto control. Here’s why: I can’t change you. If it’s working for you, keep doing it. But if you’re sick and tired of being anxious and stressed out and frustrated and exhausted, this theory will change your life.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025 appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 12.19.24

Your Self-Care Horoscope for 2025

We’ll take whatever advice we can get, tbh. ByLisa Stardust

The new year always brings new reasons to take better care of yourself. And your 2025 horoscope is no exception. For the next 365 days, the stars are inviting us to heal from our past and find new ways to evolve. It’s a big assignment but probably a much-needed one. 

As we kick off the year, Mars continues to retrograde in Cancer until February 23rd. As a result, we’ll all be feeling lethargic (let’s go back to bed, shall we?). If you do anything at all, use this time to conserve your energy, surround yourself with comforts, stay present, and keep your plans flexible (see: cancelable).

Around the same time, the North and South nodes (aka the Nodes of Destiny) enter Pisces and Virgo, respectively, on January 11th. The Nodes aren’t planets, but they are points on the moon’s axis. In astrology, those points indicate what needs our attention now (the North Node) and what we’ve already experienced (the South Node). This transit encourages us to use spirituality (whatever that means to you) to get a little more grounded and heal over the next year and a half. If you take the universe up on it, you might gain a greater sense of interconnectedness and acceptance. Love that for us.

On March 1st, Venus begins to retrograde in Aries through Pisces until April 12th. Venus, the planet ruling romance, values, and aesthetics, wants us to rethink our alliances. Are there any relationships that aren’t working anymore? Are there some worth giving a little more TLC? This is a great time to assess. 

While Venus is traveling backward, it meets up with the sun on March 22nd, making it the perfect day to get clear on your romantic relationships. (It’s very good for DTR talks.) It’s also an ideal opportunity to nurture your relationship with yourself. Schedule a massage, book that class at the gym, or give yourself five minutes to stare at the ceiling for no reason. 

Not long after, Neptune, the planet of spirituality and idealism, heads into Aries on March 30th. That transit wants us to believe in our dreams and see them through to the end. If you need motivation, this is your moment!

As we move through the last month of spring (at least in the Northern Hemisphere), Saturn enters Aries on May 24th, staying there until September 1st. This period gives us a chance to take charge of our lives at work and outside of it. Think about the ways you can be more in control.

Jupiter, the planet of luck and expansion, is in chatty, always-busy Gemini until June 9th, when it enters Cancer for the next year. Once it’s swimming in Cancerian waters, Jupiter sends extra nurturing, protective, artistic, and compassionate vibes our way. We need them! 

On July 7th, innovative (often chaotic) Uranus moves into Gemini until November 7th (when it retrogrades into Taurus for a bit). That transit wants us to think about how our actions and words align—or don’t. By the time Uranus hits Taurus, you can use those insights to develop practical solutions and move forward. 

Eclipse season will also shake things up this year (like every year). The first is a lunar eclipse in Virgo on March 14th, encouraging us to lean into mindfulness. Then, we’ll have a solar eclipse in Aries on March 29th, igniting our passions and self-esteem. When the lunar eclipse in Pisces on September 7th hits, our emotions will be front and center. We’ll cap the season off with a solar eclipse in Virgo on September 21st, prepping us for a fresh start. There’s something in here for everyone! 

And, of course, no year would be complete without a few Mercury retrogrades. This year they’re happening March 15th to April 7th in Aries and Pisces, July 18th to August 11th in Leo, and November 9th to the 29th in Sagittarius and Scorpio. Because these are all happening in water and fire signs, you might feel tired and irritable. Not ideal. Still, remember that Mercury retrogrades are a chance to refresh and rethink how we communicate, our attitudes, and our beliefs. Focus on improving your life. Don’t partake in the drama.

The way each of these transits affects you depends on your birth chart—or a map of where the planets were in relation to the place you were born at the time of your birth. So, below, we explain what’s in store next year for you. You can read up on your sun sign or your rising sign (both impact the way these transits hit you). You’ll also find ways you can take care of yourself during this next trip around the sun, which is the whole point, right?

Aries 

You are a force to be reckoned with. But even someone as fierce and resourceful as you needs sleep and time to decompress. And that’s your assignment in early 2025 as Mars, your planetary ruler, retrogrades until February 23rd. 

If you start practicing boundaries and limits early on, you’ll be prepared for Venus and Mercury’s backslide through your sign between March and April. That transit also wants you to avoid biting off more than you can chew. While you’re figuring out how much you can really take on at once, spend time thinking about ways you can enroll the help of others. That’s what Neptune and Saturn want from you as they align with your sign from March 30th to October 2nd and from May 24th to September 1st. 

Maybe it’s obvious by now, but your self-care assignment for 2025 is to do less! Sign up for our Do Less Challenge, set boundaries, rethink your to-do list, and seek out sources of support. It’s time to lean out, Aries!

Taurus 

You’re known for your down-to-earth nature, but 2025 wants you to go deeper. From March 1st to April 12th, Venus, your planetary ruler, retrogrades in Aries. And, like all retrogrades, this one wants you to reflect on your values, what makes you happy, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with others. 

Maybe that means taking a step back from the party scene and implementing more rest into your life (especially in early spring). Whatever action you take, the goal is to do what’s best for your well-being. You don’t have to cancel your plans though. Maybe you just switch things up, planning more low-key events at home, and centering hangouts on conversation and coziness when Uranus realigns with your sign in the late fall . Sounds soothing, right? 

Gemini 

Jupiter, the planet of expansion, has been in your sign since May 25th 2024, and it’ll be there until June 9th 2025. Hopefully, you’ve noticed a major confidence boost over the last year. If not, take advantage of the spotlight during the next several months. On July 7th Uranus enters Gemini, and shakes up your social life—likely for the better! 

To take advantage of these big transits, think about how you can expand your social circle. Who are the people you’ve been meaning to reach out to? What friendship could grow with a little extra care? Keep an open mind, stay flexible with your plans, and you may learn more about yourself, others, and the world.

ICYMI, community care counts as self-care. So bookmark these deep conversation starters for moments of connection with your people. It’s gonna be a fun ride, Gem! 

Cancer 

Jupiter, the planet of expansion, growth, and adventure, is coming for your sign on June 9th. This transit encourages you to be your most emotionally mature self, resolving interpersonal struggles, developing healthy friendships, charming the pants off everyone, and nurturing your relationship with yourself. 

While all of that is exciting, the last bit is probably the most important for your mental health this year. Harness this big Jupiter energy by showing yourself some love in the form of gratitude journaling (“Things I appreciate about myself” is a solid prompt!), a new affirmation routine, or developing an appreciation for boundaries. 

Leo

When progressive Uranus moves through chatty Gemini from July 7th to November 7th, it’ll activate the humanitarian and social areas of your chart. That transit wants you to broaden your horizons and shift your attention to those who could use some kindness. But, in social Leo fashion, making it a group event will maximize the benefits.

Around the same time (July 18th to August 11th, to be exact), Mercury retrograde is happening in your sign. That could bring old friends back into your orbit, so take advantage! Engaging with your community to better the world is an act of self-care since it can prevent loneliness, create connection, and align with your values (aka the things that are most important to you). Go get ’em, Leo! 

Virgo 

On January 11th the South Node hits your sign, encouraging you to uncover secrets, fears, and setbacks you’ve been avoiding for a while now. Over the next 18 months, you’ll have an incredible opportunity to heal the stuff you’d normally gloss over. Plus, the lunar eclipse on March 14th and the September 21st solar eclipse happening in your sign will put these issues front and center.

Maybe it’s fostering self-compassion for your mistakes, identifying habits that just aren’t working anymore, or accepting parts of yourself you’d rather ignore. It’s hard work (sometimes called shadow work), but the payoff is massive. With that challenge ahead of you, prioritize positive self-talk, feel those big feelings, and try to validate yourself instead of seeking affirmation from external sources. 

Libra 

When the North Node enters Pisces on January 11th, you’ll be in the mood for a healing journey. As an air sign, you’ll likely benefit from learning something new or getting into the arts. And with Pluto getting comfortable in innovative Aquarius, a new creative hobby might be more beneficial than you think.

If you can, try to keep up those outlets as the Venus retrograde in Aries (March 1st to April 12th) slows your motivation. Even if you get wrapped up in your career and relationships stuff (classic Libra distractions), expressing yourself can help you decompress. 

When you’re losing steam, harness the vibes from Uranus in Gemini from July 7th to November 7th and switch things up. Maybe a knitting club or a monthly paint class is exactly what you and your crew need right now. 

Scorpio 

Welcome to your soft era, Scorpio. To be honest, it may have already begun when Mars started moonwalking in early December. Though the planet of action will go direct on February 23rd, you can expect the slow, tender vibes to stick around through the year. That’s because your modern planetary ruler, Pluto, who’s currently in Aquarius, is urging you to let your guard down and nurture your relationships in meaningful ways. 

Go ahead, be mushy and let your people know that you’re here for them with a just-checking-in text, a deep conversation, or a would you rather question. That’ll be especially impactful during the solar eclipse in Virgo on September 21st. In 2025, your job is to make sure the people you love know how much you care. You’ll feel fulfilled when you do. 

Sagittarius

Your ruling planet Jupiter is shining a spotlight on your work and social life, Sag. In the first half of the year, the planet of expansion and growth will linger in social Gemini until June 9th. Then, on July 7th, Uranus, known for making waves and starting fresh, enters Gemini until November 7th. Both of these transits are impacting your seventh house of interpersonal connections, making you super popular. Wee!

You can optimize this time by developing relationships with work colleagues you love (not awkward icebreaker questions for work, anyone?). Who knows, they might become your new best friends. Tending to those new relationships will be extra helpful as Mercury, the planet ruling communication, retrogrades in your sign (and Scorpio) from November 9th to the 29th. 

Of course, while you’re making more time for others, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Ramp up the positive self-talk, blast your favorite song in the car, or plan a Sunday bed rot. 

Capricorn 

When your planetary ruler, Saturn, heads into Aries on May 24th, it will enter your house of ~family affairs~ until September 1st. Like you, Saturn is a rule follower who loves a routine. Utilize this always-on-time energy to schedule more quality moments with your fam. That could help you cultivate a healthier dynamic with them going forward. 

Then, on June 9th, lucky Jupiter enters Cancer, which is opposite your sign. This makes it a great time to assess your goals in work and life. While your main objective is to set realistic expectations, you can still dream big! Make a vision board for the next six months of 2025, using creativity to whip up a visual representation of what you want to achieve. 

Aquarius

With Pluto, the planet of transformation and healing, securely in your sign until 2043, the stars want you to lead with your opinions and ideas. It’ll be a change of pace for your chill self, but that might be just what you need. 

Your emotions will also be top of mind toward the end of the year as Uranus, which governs the unexpected, waffles back and forth between social Gemini and earthy Taurus (starting November 7th). These transits will strengthen the part of your chart that rules self-expression and your emotional foundation. Translation: Your innermost emotions are going to get real intense. 

This is an excellent time to feel your feelings. If you’re not sure where to start or what you’re even feeling, spend some time with a feelings wheel. See if you can identify the emotions that are bubbling up for you. Then, prioritize sitting with whatever’s going on without fixing it. Maybe it’s a weekly bubble bath, a daily shower cry (no judgment), or a solid journaling practice. Use what works, leave what doesn’t. 

Pisces 

You’re stronger than you know, Pisces! While you’re definitely one of the most intuitive signs in the zodiac, 2025 is going to prove that you can also be independent, effective, and achieve whatever you put your mind to. That’s because, starting January 11th, the North Node enters your sign, energizing you through the summer of 2026. 

Then, when the eclipses hit your chart in the spring and fall (especially the lunar one in your sign on September 7th), the universe wants you to let go. Think about the unhealthy situations, friends, or people you need to set limits with or lose altogether. By the time you’re done you’ll have a clearer picture of who appreciates you in your full glory (perhaps even a new romantic interest). 

Your assignment is to become a boundary-setting savant. Think about how you want people to treat you. Then, kindly and calmly explain your boundary to whoever needs to hear it (giving them advanced notice before you hang out is always a good idea). If you’re extra clear and reinforce your limits, this process might just change your life (or at least your year).

The post Your Self-Care Horoscope for 2025 appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 12.06.24

27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout

Sometimes adding to cart is the best way to show up for someone. BySam Brodsky

We all know someone who is really going through it. And, if you’ve been there, you’re very aware that hearing, “Just relax and take care of yourself!” is wildly unhelpful. A less annoying and more useful approach: sending over a thoughtful present that might actually help them incorporate TLC into their chaotic life. Enter: self-care gifts.

Self-care can be a lot of things: drinking enough water, getting outside, calling your people when you need them. But it doesn’t always have to be so basic. ICYMI, self-care is any activity that provides “a protective buffer against stress,” therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, previously told Wondermind. Those little habits enable you to handle setbacks and overwhelm more easily. In this moment of chaos, we could all use that superpower. 

Whether you’re shopping for a stressed friend or your frazzled self (’tis the season!), we found some of the best self-care gifts for decompressing, easing anxiety, and creating moments of calm.

The post 27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 12.05.24

What Is Radical Acceptance and Can It Change Your Life?

It’s not magic, but it’s close. ByEmily Laurence

If you’re into mental health memes and love a therapy influencer, you might have heard this little hack floating around the ether. It’s called radical acceptance, and it’s a thing many mental health pros swear is key to living a chiller life. 

And, in a time when things may not be going your way—personally, politically, existentially—who wouldn’t be willing to try anything to get some relief from the chaos? That’s exactly what proponents of radical acceptance offer. Allegedly this skill can help you deal with everything from family drama and grief to existential dread and any other big scary thing happening in your life. 

But is this shit for real? Honestly, maybe. Here, we spoke to mental health pros about what radical acceptance is, what it isn’t, and how to do it. 

What is radical acceptance?

Radical acceptance is a big part of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), a therapeutic modality created in the 1990s by psychologist Marsha Linehan, PhD, to treat borderline personality disorder, according to the American Psychological Association. Today, DBT is widely used to help people manage a bunch of different mental health struggles.

The premise of DBT is accepting stuff we don’t like and changing our response based on that reality. The acceptance part is rooted in Zen Buddhism and encourages people to use mindfulness to get present with what is—however uncomfortable that might be. That practice is basically radical acceptance’s whole deal.

Technically speaking though, radical acceptance is about acknowledging your reality as it is (rather than trying to avoid or change it), honoring your feelings about what’s going on, and figuring out how to move forward from there. In her book, DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Dr. Linehan describes it as the complete acceptance of what is, and goes on to explain one of the key takeaways: “Life can be worth living even with painful events in it.” 

It may sound like a simple concept, but it’s not always easy in practice. That’s because, when something shitty happens or keeps happening, your first instinct might be to try to control the situation somehow (e.g. planning the perfect holiday gathering for your dysfunctional family who fights no matter the tablescape). Or you might deny that it’s happening, persuade yourself that you can change it, or ignore it completely. 

All of these attempts at avoiding the reality of the situation are coping mechanisms, says Minaa B., LMSW, a licensed therapist, social worker, and author of Owning Our Struggles.  If you convince yourself it’s not happening or that you can change it with enough hard work, you don’t have to endure painful feelings caused by this reality, she says. I mean, it’s a lot easier to obsess over place settings and holiday decor than to accept that family time isn’t what you’d like it to be. Whether you call it denial or delulu, it’s a way to feel less terrible. 

Radical acceptance, on the other hand, would look like coming to terms with the fact that your family is a chaotic mess, that you feel really sad and frustrated when you’re with them, and that no amount of holiday cheer will change that. Then, knowing that your historically sucky family will likely behave the same this year, you can make choices that protect your peace. You could preemptively schedule therapy sessions right before and after your holiday break, suggest activities that get you all out of the house (movies are a great way to kill time without talking), or shorten your trip (or cancel it altogether). Choose your own sanity-saving adventure! 

What isn’t radical acceptance?

To the untrained eye, radical acceptance can sound like condoning bad behavior, pretending everything is fine (see: toxic positivity), or being apathetic. The difference between all of these and radical acceptance is that the latter includes feeling your feelings and taking action based on those feelings. 

Take toxic positivity for example. Unlike radical acceptance, toxic positivity means keeping up a positive attitude no matter the situation or what you’re truly feeling. It’s holding onto a no-bad-vibes mentality, even when you want to cry. 

With radical acceptance, you first accept what’s happening and the tough emotions (fear, anger, anxiety) that come with it, says Gordon Gooding, LCSW, ACSW, a licensed therapist and the founder of Gooding Wellness Group. With a clearer picture of what’s going on and how you feel about it, you’re better equipped to take action. You’re making moves based on reality—not what you hope will happen, Gooding adds.

Likewise, radically accepting a situation doesn’t mean you no longer care about it. It’s kind of the opposite. You’re facing the issue and your feelings about it head-on because you do care. Then, with those facts and feels in mind, you can decide the best way to move forward. 

Maybe that means disengaging from the situation (see: stalking your ex’s Instagram), but it could also look like taking action (especially if the things stressing you out are massive issues, like climate anxiety or political drama). 

How does radical acceptance work?

It sounds like a magic trick, but it’s not. The idea is: The more we deny or avoid the truth of what we’re going through and our feelings about it, the harder it is to move forward and find some peace, says clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD. When we try to work around what’s really going on or try to change it, it usually just triggers more anxiety and uncomfortable feelings, she adds. In Dr. Polyné’s experience, that can even manifest as physical symptoms like stomach pains or fatigue.

It makes sense. When you keep trying to ignore something that sucks or trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change, you’re bound to feel extra terrible when you’re eventually confronted with the reality of the situation. In short, resisting the truth just makes us feel worse. Instead, when you acknowledge and react to what’s actually happening without judgement, you can make choices that align with what’s really going on, says Dr. Polyné.

Of course, depending on the situation, the radical acceptance wizardry might not happen all in one go, according to the experts we spoke with. Most of the time, you’ll have to sit in your feelings for a while before you achieve acceptance and make changes accordingly. That’s totally normal.

How to do radical acceptance

First, it’s important to know that radical acceptance is a skill, which means it’s something you have to practice over time, says therapist Sage Grazer, LCSW. That’s especially true if you’ve become a pro at avoiding uncomfy feelings or sugarcoating bad situations, she adds.

Step one is facing the issue. “Instead of putting energy into ignoring, denying, or wishing it were different, you can redirect it toward acceptance and making choices that align with the present,” Grazer says.

There are a few ways you can do that. Journaling is a solid option, says Minaa B. She suggests journaling about whatever circumstances are hard for you to experience. Maybe it’s a conflict at work, a relationship with someone in your family, or a fight you keep having with your partner. Ask yourself: What’s so hard about this situation and why is it so hard for me to make peace with it? Then, write about what fears this problem brings up (what are you afraid of happening?) and why you’re having such a hard time accepting it. Journaling out your answers and seeing what comes up is a great way to confront your thoughts and feelings instead of avoiding them, Minaa B. adds. 

You can tackle the same questions with a trusted friend or a therapist if you’ve got one. “Healthy venting can help you embrace what’s going on and validate that your feelings are justified,” Minaa B. says. 

While acknowledging how you’re feeling is an important part of radical acceptance, you also have to move on to the “OK, now what?” phase, says Gooding. That’s step two. 

To start troubleshooting, even if you haven’t totally gotten to a place of complete acceptance, imagine yourself after you’ve made peace with the situation. What would your life look like if you knew this thing would never change? What would you do differently than you are now? This goes back to Dr. Linehan’s message that life can still be worth living even in the presence of painful events.

For example, say you know that your family’s political talk are going to come up at the white elephant swap this holiday season. How can you prepare or plan ahead for that experience knowing it happens every four years or so? Do you come prepared with a list of ways to change the subject? Do you find an ally in the family to commiserate with afterward? Do you skip the party altogether? Radical acceptance can help you feel less triggered when those hard-to-endure moments happen and more equipped to take them on. A double whammy.

All of the therapists emphasize that this isn’t a one-and-done type of thing. Especially if a situation is particularly devastating. Chances are you’ll have to keep accepting what happened/is happening, reevaluate your feelings, and adjust your coping skills and response as needed. 

If it feels uncomfortable at first, that’s OK, Dr. Polyné says. But you’ll know you’re making progress when you start to notice small shifts in how you feel about the situation and how you respond to it. 

Having trouble moving forward? That might be a sign that you’d benefit from the help of a trained mental health professional. They can give you tools to cope and help you get to the bottom of whatever’s blocking you from acceptance. 

Remember, radical acceptance doesn’t mean forcing yourself to be happy about a situation. It’s about facing it, acknowledging how you feel about it, and figuring out how to move forward. It’s not easy, but the reward is better than denial. It’s peace.

The post What Is Radical Acceptance and Can It Change Your Life? appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 11.25.24

18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health

One woman left an office job after her boss made her clean the toilets. #NoThanks. BySam Brodsky

If you’re on week 12 of asking your group chat, “Should I quit my job?” or you’ve secretly Googled, “quitting job for mental health,” during every shitty meeting, this one’s for you. 

Whether you’re overworked, your company culture is toxic as heck, or your job doesn’t align with what’s important to you, any of that can make you feel burnt to a crisp, says Christina Maslach, PhD, researcher on job burnout and professor of psychology (emerita) at the University of California, Berkeley. And while quiet quitting can sometimes buy you time, it’s probably not a long-term solution to a problematic workplace. 

Maybe you’re tempted to just suck it up and try a little conflict management until something better comes along, so here’s a friendly reminder: Burnout can snowball into negative self-esteem, anxiety, or depression, explains Dr. Maslach, coauthor of The Burnout Challenge: Managing People’s Relationships with Their Jobs. Your crappy work life could spill over into a crappy life  life (see: crashing out).

If you’re self-aware enough to spot the signs that your gig isn’t a fit anymore, quitting a job for mental health reasons might make sense—even if you don’t have a backup plan. Obviously, if you had a stockpile of savings and/or you were sure you could find a less terrible job fast, you would’ve done that by now. We get that. So how do you know if forgoing a paycheck will be less stressful than resenting work? There’s truly no right answer here.

That said, we spoke to people who quit jobs for their mental health (without another lined up) to learn how they navigated that decision and its aftermath. Hopefully, their stories will help you find your own path forward. 

1. Ask yourself what achievement looks like.

“Last year, I left a six-figure sales job because I was so stressed out and unhappy. I had zero passion for what I was doing and had to be available 24/7. I felt trapped in a world that I never wanted to be in and knew that corporate America would drain me of all my sanity if I stayed any longer. It affected my mood at home and heightened my anxiety. My partner felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me because the stress from work would often make me snap.  

I learned that no job is worth losing yourself. I decided to take the time I needed to figure out my next step instead of  jumping into another job that would perpetuate the cycle of unhappiness. In the end, that meant going for a degree in social work, which is a field that actually inspires and fulfills me. Sure, I’ve lost money that took me years to save, but I’m so much happier now. It’s safe to say that quitting a job for my mental health was 100% worth it.” —Mallory H., 29

2. Separate your identity from your job.

“I quit my teaching job because of burnout and anxiety. I taught through the pandemic and the chaotic time that followed. I had to teach two to three curriculums at once to a variety of learning levels and an average of 200 students each year. I felt very little support in my workplace. It got to the point where I was anxious on weekends and breaks because I dreaded going back. Still, I used to always say, ‘I am  a teacher.’ I felt like teaching was part of who I am and that couldn’t change, even with a dark cloud over me at all times.

I had a wake-up call that life is too short to be this miserable when it can end at any point. I spent the next year planning my exit from education and resigned the following winter without anything lined up. After being unemployed for a bit, I started an internship to learn cybersecurity, and that company eventually hired me as a full-time employee.

I’ve learned that a career does not define you. It is so easy to get stuck in the identity of whatever field you choose to pursue. Reframing your mindset and separating your job from who you are is so important for overall mental well-being. A job comes and goes, but your mental health stays with you forever.” —Helen E., 29

3. Notice how your job is affecting you.

“I began to feel a real imbalance between my professional and personal life. My wake-up call was brutal and happened when I worked until 8 p.m. the day I was supposed to celebrate my birthday. After quitting, I learned that prioritizing my mental health was the best decision, even if it felt terrifying at the time. I realized how important it is to set boundaries and recognize when a job is no longer serving you, no matter how much experience or growth it initially offered. Trusting myself, despite not having a clear plan forward, allowed me to rebuild and find opportunities more aligned with my values.

Looking back, I do wish I had leaned more on my support system. It’s easy to isolate yourself when you’re overwhelmed, but reaching out to friends, family, or even a mentor could have made the process less daunting. Finding a community of professionals who’ve faced similar challenges could have been invaluable as well.

My biggest advice is don’t ignore the signs that your work is negatively impacting your mental health. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being. If you’re considering quitting, take time to reflect on what you truly want and, if possible, build a safety net first—financially or by securing another role. However, if you’re at a breaking point, and you can afford it, your mental health 100% has to come first.” —Olivia A., 32

4. Take time to grieve and to plan. 

“I didn’t really notice how much I was suffering until my inner circle voiced how they saw my job impacting my life outside of the office. My family flagged my changes in mood, specifically my irritability and hopelessness. And my friends noticed my absence.

But I knew for certain I needed to quit when work became debilitating. I struggled to sleep and dreaded getting out of bed. Leaving my job was the best decision, even without having another one lined up—and I would absolutely do it again.

I found that taking time off for myself afterward, rather than frantically taking the first opportunity, was critical to recover from the burnout and emotional fatigue of a toxic workplace. Yes, I did grieve a bit. I needed that time to just feel bad about the situation (and feel bad for myself) before I could move on. 

The time off also allowed me to break down what I needed versus what I wanted from work. I made a list of all the things I couldn’t tolerate in a new position. I also wrote out what I thought I’d been good at in my previous role and what duties I struggled with or didn’t enjoy. This made it easier to pick jobs with responsibilities that fit me better.” —Taylor M.

5. Give extra notice (if you can).

“I quit my job because I felt extremely burnt out and dreaded every workday. I found myself unable to separate my personal and work life to the point where I was experiencing anxiety and depression. Aside from resigning, the best choice I made was giving my employer a 30-day notice—which I know not everyone is able to do. When I looked into applying to jobs again, I had a positive relationship with my higher-ups, who wrote me great recommendations. I also knew the company was understaffed, so I used part of my 30 days to help train a new employee. It was a win-win.” —Anonymous

6. Check in with your support system as early as possible. 

“I worked in healthcare PR. At my old job, I felt like a doctor on call, needing to answer my boss and manager at any time. And instead of any positive feedback, my manager and boss only gave me negative feedback. 

I’ll never forget that my boss used to make me draft every single email, including simple response emails that would be sent to the client, directly to her. I once forgot a comma, and instead of telling me the error I had made in my draft and telling me it was only ONE error, my boss wrote back, ‘I can not get past the first paragraph without finding an error. There are multiple spelling and grammatical errors. Please rewrite.’

I wasn’t sleeping, eating, or taking care of my health. I developed horrific stress headaches and would cry when I went to work. My boss and manager were extremely controlling and out-of-control micromanagers. A couple months after quitting, my tension headaches went away, I started putting myself first, and I became a better version of myself and who I am today. 

At the end of the day, I had a good support system. I also had a unique situation because I lived in NYC and was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, so I was really scared to quit. That being said, getting my parents on board was really important since I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to get another job and I wasn’t sure if I was going to need help paying rent. I had enough savings, but I get really anxious about money and savings (as we all do). And my friends and other coworkers at the job could not have been more supportive too.” —Emma H. 

7. Do your research before jumping right into another job.  

“I’ve held a few jobs in my life that impacted my mental health mostly in the same ways (no appreciation from management, general discomfort from coworkers, etc.). I left because it came to the point where I didn’t want to get up in the morning, my favorite hobbies and stress-reducers weren’t helping me anymore, and I flat out wasn’t enjoying my time outside of work. I was so worried about what had happened the day before or what would happen when I went in the next day. I had managers micromanaging my every move, every email, and every break. No one likes to be watched like a hawk. And whether it was my paranoia or not, it felt as though coworkers were getting in on this game of ‘we didn’t want to hire her so let’s just run her out of the company.’ It became incredibly anxiety-inducing and depressing to exist in that environment. 

After quitting, it did make me feel better—the weight was lifted. However, I did leave feeling incredibly violated. I became desperate at times, picking up the next best thing just because I thought it would be better. The jobs did look better on the outside, but when you’re in a shitty environment, anything looks better. I signed onto a position to have more money, more stability, a different manager, whatever it was, just to fall into similar traps because I didn’t do enough research. I have learned to trust my gut, get out when I can, and research jobs more (ask questions during interviews, read up on reviews of companies, do deep dives on LinkedIn, etc.) to make better judgements and decisions.” —Sam M., 27

8. Don’t rule out self-employment. 

“The office I worked for was very tight-knit, and I was the newbie. Some people were welcoming and others couldn’t have cared less. I became pregnant shortly after being hired and had pregnancy complications that led to bed rest. Not a single person checked in on me then or when I had my baby. When I returned to work, I got COVID. My whole household did. Even my newborn baby. Again, no one from my office checked in on me or wished me well. The owner’s wife baked a cake for everyone’s birthday—except mine. So this atmosphere of being excluded really led me down a road of hating what I did for a living and questioning what I was doing. It led to ill feelings and self-doubt. For a while, I thought maybe I did something wrong. Eventually, I came to the realization that it wasn’t me and they were losing employees for a reason. I decided to exit the working world and stay home with my kids and become self-employed instead.

I now have an Etsy shop selling essential-oil-related products. I found this passion long before I quit my job but was never able to pursue it as fully as I wanted because I didn’t have the time or energy while working. 

I also do food delivery services like DoorDash and help my husband run his business doing exterior cleaning. My advice to others is to have a heart-to-heart with themselves and to do what is truly best for them. Being self-employed is very scary and requires a lot of passion and research. And it’s a huge leap of faith. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you and your family.” —Ashley W., 32 

9. Set a resignation “due date.”

“My mental health rapidly declined at my first job out of college because I had a bad boss. Everyone knew, but no one supported me. We were an in-house marketing team of two for a company with several subdivisions, which meant lots of work and a constant stream of consciousness from my superior from when I logged on in the morning to when I logged off at night. It wasn’t collaboration that was coming through the team’s chat but consistent negative feedback.

I reached out to HR and had a formal conversation with them about how I was being micromanaged and was unhappy with my treatment. They said they’d escalate it to my boss’s supervisor because they were concerned. The escalation didn’t take place. They went directly to my boss who, in turn, seemed to take it out on me. 

I think the best thing I did for myself was quitting when I did. My only regret is that I didn’t quit sooner because I am still dealing with the mental health impact of my previous role and the self-doubt that it ingrained in me. 

Finances were a huge reason why I stayed in my role. I have prided myself in being financially independent ever since leaving college, and it felt absolutely shameful to put that at risk, especially with rent, car payment, insurance payment, and student loans due each month. My advice for those who feel the same anxieties I did about financial insecurity would be this: Give yourself a resignation letter due date and live significantly below your means until then. Stick to that due date, save your money, and start looking, but whether you have a lead on a new role or not, commit to that date. Be a gig worker (Grubhub, Uber, Wag/Rover, Care.com, etc.) and monetize the skills you do have (graphic design, social media/content, website building, writing…whatever) and figure it out until you find the right role that won’t hurt your mental health.” —Anonymous 

10. Maybe don’t start a new job right away if you’re still struggling mentally.

“I had a harassment situation at a previous job. I took a new one right away, which was amazing, but it turns out that I was not ready to work again. And so I had to quit that new job in order to take care of my mental health.

I was extremely lucky that I had the finances to be able to leave without a plan B, but I also had no choice. I had left a very bad job to go into a great one without taking the time I needed to heal. As a result, I was still feeling terrible and was not able to give my best. When you are in an ideal situation and you still feel horrible, unable to be present or efficient, you have no choice but to stop and take care of yourself. So my advice is this: Take the time you need to heal. Getting into a new job, even if it’s great, will not fix your mental health. Taking care of yourself will. And the next great job will be that much more amazing with you at 100%.” —Juliette C., 32

11. Ask yourself what you truly want before you leave.

“Between experiencing severe burnout and recognizing that I was meant for so much more than just designing emails, creating banner ads for products I didn’t care about, and changing retail prices over and over and over again, I decided to quit. Now, don’t get me wrong…there were still a handful of good things that I learned from this job, like working with a great boss who was always in my corner and learning to be open, honest, and clear with communication skills.

But the job was still the job. It was extremely repetitive and draining. My mental health and way of thinking started to suffer and decline to a deeply resentful, negative, and depressive space. I was choosing the same thing day in and day out, knowing how it made me feel, hoping that one day I would suddenly love my job and love what I did. 

My honest advice for others thinking about quitting without any other job lined up, like I did, would be to ask yourself: Do I love what I do? Does my job make me happy? What do I really want right now? And is this job supporting what I need? 

I think we often associate our happiness or our self-worth so deeply with our job, career, and overall output of work that we forget to pause and check in with ourselves to ask if this is right for us, if it’s helping or hurting us, and what we value most. I would highly recommend doing some reflection for yourself around the topic before jumping to conclusions and taking a leap of faith that may seem like it is for a good and reasonable cause but ends up being a decision that may impact your mental health state even more negatively. It all depends on the person. 

Asking these questions also helps us take one step forward in the right direction and make the changes that we want to make—one being a better, more fitting job that won’t negatively affect our mental health—because we’re thinking more clearly and know what we will and will not tolerate. In the end, you know you  best. Lining up another job before you quit your current one may very well be the best thing for you personally, and that’s OK. But it’s also OK to take time off to get your head clear and your mind right so that you can make better choices in the future.” —Jess S.

12. Treat yourself like the asset you are.

“I ultimately quit my first job out of college toward the beginning of the pandemic. I had been there about four and a half years, long before COVID hit, and I had a toxic relationship with my company. It was a marketing agency with demanding clients and a rather small team, considering the volume of work we were doing. There was a lot of over-promising and over-delivering without any reflection or rest, which snowballed into a heavy amount of stress. I did have a lot of autonomy and responsibility that I enjoyed, but I was exhausted at the end of every day.

I had five bosses in the time I was there, so the lack of interest in my growth or having any sort of stability in my department contributed to the burnout too. Once COVID hit, the business I worked on was restructured and I began reporting into my fifth and last boss. She was unbelievably cold and rude, and she lacked empathy at any level. Dealing with her and the long hours left no time for me to figure out how I was going to get out of the hamster wheel I found myself in.

All of that said, I became awful to be around. I couldn’t sleep, I would find myself sobbing at least once a day, I became nauseous whenever I tried to eat, I started having heart palpitations, and I was mean. I knew I needed to quit.

The complete turnaround in my health and my demeanor upon leaving that job was immediate. Even my final two weeks were so different from what the experience had become. In starting my second job, and the others I’ve had after that, I’ve been very clear with my managers and teams about boundaries. I’m no longer available at any and all hours. It’s now a nonnegotiable that I need to have some movement in my day too, whether that’s a Peloton class, going to the yoga studio, or even just taking a walk around the neighborhood. I’ve learned that I need to put myself first and prioritize my well-being in order to be an asset in the workplace. Tired, mean, hungry Me is not going to produce anything useful. 

My advice for others is to take the leap if they are thinking about quitting their jobs without another lined up. Definitely have an emergency fund of sorts to cover your expenses between roles. I had that, and even though I found a new role relatively quickly, knowing I’d be OK for several months was a big factor in my decision. This also gives you the time to reassess your career with a clear head and determine what the right next step is.” —Anonymous 

13. Quitting may help you realize your value.

“At the time, I was in my 20s as a healthcare manager for a well-known London hospital, and I experienced workplace bullying from hospital consultants. It went on for a number of months, and I was broken. I had gotten myself into very unhealthy working practices so they wouldn’t have any ammunition: working long hours, trying to carry a heavy workload, responding to all emails, working when off sick or on holiday. I was stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and felt awful physically and mentally.

I saw a leadership coach, who made me realize the only thing in this situation that I could control was myself. I had a choice. I did not need to stay in this environment, and I trusted that whatever happened, I would find work and be OK regardless. I took on a temporary role, which was a breath of fresh air, staying for a year until the ideal permanent opportunity came along. I absolutely learned from this that no job was worth my sanity. I also realized my value. This was a lesson that when you trust in yourself, great things happen.” —Merrisha G.

14. Get an outside perspective from someone you trust.

“I quit because I felt disrespected by coworkers and a manager. I was already on the fence before coming into this one specific shift, but after being verbally accosted by a coworker and completely unsupported by management, I didn’t even give a two-week notice. I told them I would finish the shift and then I was done. I was so drained at this job. Between being a student and working three-to-four times a week at this restaurant gig, I had no free time, even though I needed the money. I missed family vacations and left hangouts with friends early to meet the demands of my schedule, which really isolated me. I also had zero energy when I was off the clock. I would sleep all day until my shift, work my ass off for hours, and then go home and crash.

When I quit, I was really freaked out. Even though it would have been a lot less stressful if I had another job lined up, the way I quit spoke to the effects the job had on my mental health. I had messaged my partner earlier that day, asking if he thought we could swing it if I left because I knew this shift was my last straw. I didn’t want to put the bills on him, and I knew this would be a dramatic cut to my already low funds. He told me we would figure it out and that my mental health was more important than money. I am so thankful for him because without him, I would still be there.” —Michaela A., 27

15. Consider therapy to help work through any trauma or uncertainty. 

“I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector most of my life, trying to help others and neglecting myself. I most recently worked in the homeless service sector with people with lots of trauma. Vicarious trauma is real. Thankfully, I saved money in case I decided to leave. I’m glad I did that, and I have a therapist who is helping me navigate the uncertainty of what’s next.” —Anonymous

16. Decide how you want to better approach your next job.

“I’ve been an overachieving perfectionist my whole life (but only recently got diagnosed with OCD). I was so excited to start my first full-time job after college on a small staff. I loved the duties I got to do and enjoyed my team members, but I was always being pulled in so many directions. I stayed at the job for a little over two years. 

When I left, my bosses were shocked, which frustrates me to this day because I had told them at my second annual review (where I received a promotion), several months before, that I was feeling burnt out and needed something to change. Nothing did, so I took matters into my own hands.

I feel fortunate that I was in a financial position to put in my two-weeks notice without knowing what would come next. The giddy euphoria I felt afterwards so outweighed the dread I had felt leading up to it. I was able to put in my last two weeks on a good note and take two weeks off before I started a new job (which I was offered the week after I put my notice in).

During the time off, I looked up healthy habits for the workplace and figured out how I could apply those. Thankfully, my new job environment has its own protections against burnout, but I still stick to my new routine. The best things I’ve done are waking up an hour earlier than I need to for breakfast, doing simple chores like making my bed and unloading dishes, and taking time to snuggle and play with my cats. At my old job, I’d rush to work, arrive just on time, and begrudgingly eat breakfast at my desk feeling like I had no control over my time. Now, I start every morning fueling up and putting myself in charge of my day.” —Ashley F., 24

17. Check out workplace mental health resources if you can.

“I taught behavioral science for eight years. It was extremely rewarding in the beginning, but my relationship with my boss, who had mentored me and was a teacher of mine—because it was the same institution where I’d gone to school—became toxic. That really took a toll on my mental health. A lot of lines were blurred between personal and professional. 

At the same time, I was noticing more and more mental health issues in my students, and our counseling services at the school were not so great. I was in therapy already, but if faculty members wanted to seek any kind of support services at the school, there was really only one school psychologist who was rarely ever there.

Between the toxic relationship with my boss and the students’ stories when they came to me after class, with me taking on their trauma and having my own, it was out of control. I was coming home hysterical every day, and so I ultimately decided to leave. 

I would try to research if there are mental services in your company or what your company has in terms of time off. Also look into that if you’re trying to find another job once you’ve quit. I would like to think the lack of resources has changed.” —Lindsay A., 37

18. Remember your worth and that there’s no one definition of success.

“I quit my job because I worked in a soul-sucking office environment where our bosses constantly looked over our shoulders to ensure we were being productive. They were so obsessed with making sure they didn’t pay us for even a second that we weren’t working that we had to clock out when we went to the bathroom or to microwave our sad frozen meals. 

Obviously, this affected my mental health. Not only did they mistrust us with their time and pressure us to keep constant focus, but they also forced us—most often women—to perform menial tasks like moving boxes in and out of storage and cleaning toilets. In a setting where I felt constantly watched, often doubted, and sometimes demeaned, I began to feel hopeless and disempowered. I was only there for five months. 

The final straw for me was when my boss forced me to clean a toilet and then, in the same week, gave me a measly $1,000 raise, where most people in the office received $2,000 or $3,000 raises. When I asked my boss for the reasoning behind my lower raise, he explained to me that that’s what he thought I was worth. I told him, with tears in my eyes, that I couldn’t continue to work there—even though I didn’t have a job lined up and had just moved into my first apartment with my own lease two months prior, the only saving grace being that I split the rent with my boyfriend at the time. 

I handed out paper résumés, looking for freelance jobs, side gigs, anything I was slightly interested in at places that had positive environments. At the end of the day, I ended up with a part-time job working for a florist and a freelance gig writing blog content for a boutique.

I immediately loved the flower shop. Everyone was nice, the admin work was easy, and I occasionally got to clean and arrange flowers, which genuinely made me happy. And when I realized I was happy, I did another thing: I stopped feeling bad about not achieving my definition of success within two years of college graduation. I stopped feeling bad that I didn’t have a full-time job with a career trajectory outlined, and I gave myself a break. I told myself it was OK to take time and find a corporate environment that could give me a higher salary, job security, and the future career I looked forward to—as long as I kept myself safe, sane, and far away from anywhere like my last job. If I had a job that was making me miserable, I would quit without a backup plan again in a heartbeat—without cleaning a toilet this time.” —Marisa W. 

These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 10.18.24

Why You’re a People Pleaser and What to Do About It

Whoops, looks like I agreed with you…again! BySam Brodsky

Welcome to people pleasers anonymous. We’ve gathered here today to commiserate over the things we did because they felt easier than saying no, canceling plans, sharing our opinions, or (God forbid) making someone mad at us.

Whether you’ve been like this forever or picked up the habit recently, people pleasing can feel like a slippery slope. One minute you’re saying, “Whatever you want for dinner is fine with me,” the next, you’re helping someone move into their fifth-floor walk-up in exchange for a high five and assurance they like you—at least for today. 

If it’s become your way of life, it can be very hard to stop apologizing for your existence in whatever form that takes, but you deserve better! Here, we asked experts to explain why this happens and how to stop people pleasing for good. Chronic people pleasers, unite!

What is a people pleaser?

This isn’t a clinical term or anything, but people pleasing happens when you feel like you need to prioritize others over your wants and needs, says licensed therapist Terri Cole, LCSW, author of Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency. If you’re a people pleaser, you might find yourself doing things for friends, family, or whomever regardless of what’s going on in your own life, Cole says. 

This can look like saying yes to people without second thought, keeping quiet when someone crosses a line, or getting into relationships where you’re overly invested in others’ emotions (see: codependent relationships), says Cole.

Sure, part of being a nice human is being there for others, and sometimes that means going out of your way to lend a hand. But there’s a difference between being supportive and being a people pleaser. The first indicator that you’re people pleasing is the intention behind your actions, says Cole. If you’re acting out of fear of rejection or letting others down, or because you’d be ashamed not  to help, you may be a people pleaser.

The other sign is that you’re consistently putting other people first, no matter the impact on your schedule, obligations, or general well-being. People pleasers almost always do what’s best for others even if it’s not what’s best for them, Cole says. They give and give (and give).

If this sounds exhausting, that’s because it is. People pleasers often take better care of others than themselves. That can lead to burnout, loneliness, depression, and feeling like a failure,  explains licensed psychologist and career coach Lauren Appio, PhD. 

Your relationships might suffer too if you start to resent the folks that you’re making sacrifices for, notes Cole. 

What causes people pleasing? 

Like a lot of bad habits, we often learn to people please as kids. Sometimes it’s because our caregivers tell us we’re supposed to put others first or we see it modeled in our family systems. Maybe your parents, authority figures, or society taught you that prioritizing others and being agreeable is how you’re supposed to act in relationships, says Cole. This can be extra true for those who identify as women, she adds. “We [still] expect women and girls to be pleasant, be compliant, shut up, just do what [they’re] supposed to do, take care of everybody else.” 

At any point, you might have also picked up on the idea that putting others before yourself, anticipating their needs, and staying silent can help you swerve consequences and gain attention and love, Dr. Appio explains. That’s especially true if you’ve experienced abuse, neglect, or instability, notes Cole. In any case, you may have internalized the belief that people pleasing helps you avoid rejection. 

Having low self-esteem (which can also stem from childhood experiences) might feed into the belief that your thoughts, feelings, and opinions don’t matter, Cole adds. That’s people-pleasing fuel too.

How to stop being a people pleaser

Regardless of your people-pleaser origin story, there are ways you can stop. Here’s how to cut down on people pleasing in everyday life. 

1. Buy yourself some time. 

When it comes to acts of service, people pleasers are quick to say yes to anyone’s requests. But changing your automatic reply from, “I’m on it!” to, “Let me double-check,” can help. 

To be blunt, you’re stalling here. However that makes you feel, the goal is to spend extra time considering if you actually have the bandwidth or desire to say yes, Cole notes. That could be minutes, hours, or days. Whatever amount of time you need to sit with your feels is fair game. 

Maybe you tell a friend, “I’ll let you know,” when they try to book lunch on the Saturday you planned to spend bed rotting. Or you could tell a coworker that you need to assess your calendar before committing to a brainstorm. 

After thinking about what you really want, give the other person your genuine answer. It might still feel challenging to pass up their ask, but Cole says it’s better to give an honest, thoughtful “no” than to push beyond your bandwidth. And, if you’re a chronic canceler, declining now will be easier than bailing later.

2. Pay attention to what feels good.

If you’ve been people pleasing long enough, you might forget that you have preferences and opinions, says Dr. Appio. And when you’re not sure what matters to you, it gets pretty tough to speak up if things feel off. Thus, being able to identify your likes is the first step in learning to assert yourself, she adds.

Start by noticing when you feel satisfied throughout the day (your turkey sandwich on rye was delicious; taking a lunch break was relaxing). Those observations may stick in the back of your mind when your work buddy wants to get tacos again or your boss sends a non-urgent request you’d normally skip lunch for. Whether you speak up or not, remembering that you have a preference is a step in the right direction. 

Identifying the things you don’t love is helpful too. A lot of the time, you can feel this in your body, even if you aren’t sure why you’re upset, says Cole. For example, if a coworker interrupts you or your parents come over without calling first, you might get hot or feel your throat constrict, she explains. Uncomfortable physical feelings like this could signal you’re not a fan of what just went down. From there, you might ask yourself if it’s worth speaking up the next time this happens.

3. Chime in! 

Yes, sharing your opinion or setting boundaries can be scary when you’re worried someone will be mad, says Cole. But voicing those preferences or limits helps you break the cycle of staying quiet for the sake of others. Then you can start to focus on yourself. 

To make speaking up less intimidating, Dr. Appio suggests sporadically sharing your opinion with someone you trust. It could be as quick as telling your partner you’d rather watch that new cult docuseries instead of a baseball game or sharing your true feelings on the reality show your friends love. It’s totally fine to keep the stakes low.

As you get more comfortable, you can move on to something that feels like a bigger deal, like setting a boundary. For this challenge, try planning out what you’re gonna say and rehearsing it, suggests Cole. This script from her first book, Boundary Boss, can help: “When I see that _____, I feel _____ because my need for _____ is not met. Would you be willing to _____?”

4. Hold your boundaries.

Even if you attempt to break the people-pleasing cycle by setting a boundary, guilt makes it tough to stand your ground, says Dr. Appio. Still, by getting comfortable being uncomfy, you’ll learn it’s actually safe to assert yourself.

So, after you set a boundary, give yourself 48 hours to sit with all the feelings that come up, Cole writes in Boundary Boss. When you do, you’ll likely notice that the discomfort eventually starts to pass—along with any urge to walk your boundary back. And, as Cole writes, “When you can withstand your discomfort … you might discover that the people in your life are actually more flexible than you are giving them credit for.” Another plus!

During that waiting period, Dr. Appio suggests coping with the tension by self-soothing, or regulating emotions like anxiety, guilt, and/or shame on your own. You can hold ice, move your body in whatever way feels good, squeeze a stress ball, or repeat an affirmation like, “It’s OK for people to be honest about what they need, including me,” Dr. Appio says. 

5. Work with a mental health professional.

If you’re feeling burnt out, resentful, used, lonely, or stressed because of people pleasing, therapy might be a solid place to go, notes Dr. Appio. A mental health pro can unpack why people pleasing has become your default, deprogram your make-everyone-happy tendencies, and help you set boundaries, explains Cole. 

That kind of support is incredibly useful when you’re coming to terms with this new way of life and how your people respond to it, says Cole. You got this!

The post Why You’re a People Pleaser and What to Do About It appeared first on Wondermind.