Stories Link Copied 02.26.25

20 Conversation Starters for Anyone Struggling to Connect

Because you’re not actually bad at socializing. ByIsabel Mata Additional reporting bySam Brodsky

In case you missed it, an important part of being human is connecting with other humans! It makes us feel good! But when you inevitably run out of things to say or don’t know where to begin, keeping some good conversation starters handy can be extra helpful. 

That’s especially true if you’re trying to get to know someone. The right Qs can encourage people to share their thoughts and experiences, which helps build trust, says licensed psychologist Luke Allen, PhD. 

That said, you don’t have to stress too much about asking the most perfect question ever. Any prompt that shows curiosity and openness can create a connection, says psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD. “Even a simple question, when asked sincerely, can lead to a meaningful and memorable exchange,” he adds.

Luckily, with the help of mental health pros and chatty people, we’ve come up with a list of smart conversation starters that do all that great stuff. Bookmark these for your next function and find out!

(Plus, if you’re looking for more conversation-starter inspo, check out these Would You Rather questions for adults, first date questions, and ice breakers for work. You’re welcome!)

1. What was the last song you sang out loud or danced to?

“This question is a little silly, which hopefully helps both people relax a bit. You can also learn more about the person—other than what songs they listen to. You might find out whether they like to sing and dance with others or prefer a solo session. Maybe they don’t sing or dance a lot. Maybe they prefer silence, stillness, or quiet spaces. The more you know!” —clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD

2. What’s something that surprised you about yourself in the last year?

“I love this conversation starter because it invites self-reflection and can lead to meaningful discussions about personal growth, unexpected challenges, or even moments of joy. It’s also open-ended enough to allow people to share at whatever depth they’re comfortable with. Be prepared with your own answer too. Nothing kills a conversation quite like asking someone to pour their heart out when you aren’t ready to do the same.” —speaker and licensed clinical psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD

3. If tomorrow morning all of your insecurities were gone, what would you do differently?

“This is inspired by solution-focused therapy. I love it because it gives them permission to open up in an unedited or uninhibited way. It allows them to be more vulnerable about their dreams and passions, letting us peek into their inner world.” —therapist Katie Miles, LMFT

4. What’s something you used to be embarrassed about but now think is cool?

“This question requires some vulnerability, allowing you to ditch perfection, celebrate growth, and relate to the other person. We all have that one thing we wished we could have changed about ourselves as kids, and, with shadow work, we see that our quirks are what make us unique and memorable.” —clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD

5. If you could relive any moment from your past, what would it be?

“This question can prompt deeper storytelling and reflection, allowing the other person to share the experiences that shaped them. Whether it’s a moment of personal triumph, connection, or pure joy, their answer can offer insight into what brings them fulfillment and what they hold dear. It also creates an opportunity for shared nostalgia, which can strengthen a bond.” —speaker and licensed clinical psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD

6. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?

“If I’m trying to get to know someone better, I want to find out if we share similar values. Since travel, spontaneity, and general zest of life are important to me, I use this to find out what adventure means to them. Whether it’s facing Costco on a Saturday morning or bungee jumping in Costa Rica, their answer will gauge how compatible we are.” —Amanda E., 25

7. If money weren’t a problem, what would you do on your average Tuesday?

“I love asking this because it gets to the core of who someone really is and what they would do if they didn’t have to worry about general survival things like taxes and making dinner. I have met so many people who surprised me because their response was something totally different from what they currently do. Like an engineer who would spend their time running a library or perusing an old bookstore! —Avery B., 23

8. If you could have a conversation with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you ask them?

“This gets to the heart of someone’s interests. It’s like opening a window into who they admire or find fascinating. Plus, the kind of questions they’d pose say a lot about what matters to them.” —Jacky Q., 34

9. What is the biggest compliment you could receive?

“Someone’s answer reveals how they would like to be perceived. It can give insight into how someone is trying to portray themselves, what personal qualities they respect the most, as well as what their goals might be.” —therapist Hannah Mayderry, LMHC

10. What’s an experience you believe everyone should have at least once?

“I love asking this to new people because it gets someone to talk about themselves and the things they have gone through in a way that isn’t traumatizing. And it gives me an opportunity to share some of my own experiences, potentially finding things in common along the way.” —Isabel C., 26

11. If you had three wishes, what would they be?

“What someone wishes for can signal their values. For example, if they say they wish to win the lottery, this could be a sign that they value financial stability and freedom. Wishing to spend more time with loved ones would indicate the importance they place on quality time. A wish for good health would show signs they prioritize health over material objects.” —therapist Kara Kays, LMFT

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one ability or quality, what would it be?

“If you want to ask someone a deep question but are worried about scaring them off, I like to pick one that’s fun and thought-provoking without crossing personal boundaries. This helps me understand others a bit more while maintaining comfort.” —licensed psychologist Luke Allen, PhD

13. What makes you get up in the morning?

“I like to ask this because it shows what motivates people. You can learn a lot about someone by how they start their day and what they’re passionate about. This helps you identify people you share the same values with. Like if their passion is getting up to run before the sun is up, we may not be a great match.” —Richard M., 30

14. What do you want me to know?

“This shows what someone’s innermost self wants to communicate. As a therapist, I usually ask people what layers, experiences, or thoughts are beneath their interactions, and this prompt helps get at the same idea.” —therapist Nicole Nina, LCSW

15. What are you most proud of?

“Asking someone what they are most proud of gives a glimpse into what experiences or achievements they cherish. It can also show what someone cares about and what they’d want to work toward in the future. Since I really appreciate passion and ambition, this question gets to the deep stuff quickly.” —Gaby S., 23

16. Do you have a favorite quote that inspires you?

“This topic lets you find out where someone gets their inspiration—whether it’s from books, a great movie, famous people, or someone who means a lot to them. It’s a good way to learn what keeps them going and what they find interesting.” —therapist Lana Lipe, LCSW

17. If you could pick one TV show to describe the relationship you have with your family, what would it be?

“Since family is really important to me, I want to know right away whether or not someone shares that belief. This is a fun way to have that conversation—as long as their answer isn’t Succession or something too intense.” —Carly S., 18

18. What’s the most generous thing you’ve ever done for yourself?

“This question is inherently positive and focuses on self-kindness rather than personal shortcomings or negative experiences. It not only generates a more constructive conversation but also motivates and inspires others to be more compassionate with themselves.” —therapist Eden Katz, LCSW

19. You’ve had a rough day at work. What do you do to relax?

“I think how someone recharges and takes care of themself is a beautiful way to see how their mind works. Like, if they relax by scrolling on social media, that tells me something different than someone who says they meditate or read a book.” —Kayla O., 22

20. If there was a museum featuring artifacts from your life, what items would be must-see exhibits, and what stories would they tell?

“Unleashing creativity in conversation can lead to rich and revealing insights. This question not only encourages self-reflection but also allows individuals to share the narrative of their lives through the lens of personal belongings, opening the door to meaningful and unique connections.” —therapist Dolly Ferraiuolo, LCSW

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity. 

The post 20 Conversation Starters for Anyone Struggling to Connect appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.19.25

8 Things You’re Saying Without Even Realizing It

Plus, how to use nonverbal communication to enhance all your conversations. ByCarolyn Todd

When we talk about communication, we’re usually talking about, well, talking. But experts say there’s a ton that we communicate beyond just the words we’re saying. It’s kind of like there’s the verbal conversation, and then there’s a whole other conversation our bodies are having in the background (aka nonverbal communication). 

The problem is, sometimes we’re actually saying stuff nonverbally that we didn’t even mean to, which can lead to mixed signals and miscommunication. So learning how to be more aware and intentional about what vibes your nonverbal cues are giving off can help you become a better communicator—and feel confident that your body is saying what you want it to. Plus, it’ll make you better at reading other people. 

Here’s what the pros want you to know about what nonverbal communication is, why it’s super important to your connections, and some of the things you might be saying without even realizing it.

What is nonverbal communication? 

Nonverbal communication is essentially everything we’re saying to another person without, well, saying it. “It’s any behavior or other kind of cue that can communicate something to the other person,” says Valerie Manuslov, PhD, a professor of communication at the University of Washington who teaches and researches nonverbal communication. That includes eye contact, facial expressions, hand gestures, physical touch, and body language. For instance, “how you move your body, how close you are to someone, how much you lean in or away, how you cross your legs, how wide you sit,” Dr. Manuslov says. 

Nonverbal communication also includes things like what you’re wearing, how you interact with your environment, throat clearing, and silent pauses, Dr. Manuslov says. And while you might think of your tone of voice and how loud or fast you talk as verbal communication, these actually qualify as nonverbal too—since they’re sending a message outside the literal meaning of your words.

Nonverbal cues “play a large role in our interactions with other people,” Dr. Manuslov says. “We tend to notice nonverbal cues and respond to them, even if it’s not in our conscious mind.” When it comes to your own nonverbal behaviors, there’s likely many you’re completely unaware of, Dr. Manuslov says. For example, your body language can express how you really feel about somebody—even when your head isn’t totally sure how you feel about them (or you don’t want to admit that you don’t like them). 

While these cues can be rich with information, they can also be misleading or misinterpreted. We’re constantly making assumptions about what people’s nonverbals mean. The problem is, pretty much any behavior can mean multiple things (or nothing at all), Dr. Manuslov says. 

Say your boss crosses her arms during a check-in. You might think it means they’re unhappy with you, which is fair, says Dr. Manuslov. But she could also be crossing her arms because she’s chilly. Or feeling defensive. Or trying to cover up a stain on her shirt. Or having cramps. Or just more comfortable like that… You get the idea. 

So, becoming more aware of nonverbal cues can make you more mindful, intentional, and confident about what messages you’re sending people, says Debra Roberts, LCSW, a communication expert specializing in conflict resolution, relationships, and workplace dynamics. 

Being a sharp nonverbal communicator is crucial in situations where first impressions really matter (like a job interview). But it can also make you a better friend, partner, or family member. “It’s [about] knowing what behaviors will make other people that we care about feel good,” Dr. Manuslov says. If your bestie opens up and you want to show her you’re really here for her, you can use nonverbals to communicate that. 

What are some examples of nonverbal communication? 

Let’s talk about some common nonverbal cues, what they communicate, and when to use them (or what to do instead). 

1. Facing your whooole body towards who you’re talking to. 

Having your entire body—not just your face!—turned toward somebody is a simple, powerful way to show that you’re present, engaged, and interested, Dr. Manuslov says. It says “I am fully here and available.” (On the other hand, orienting your body away from someone says you’re not available for this conversation, or this conversation is over.) 

Try this when you want to convey that you’re giving someone your full attention. For example, say a colleague comes over to your desk to ask you a question. Instead of just turning your head (which could say you’re only partly available), pull back your chair enough to fully rotate your body their way. “The more you turn toward them, it marks it as, Oh, I was doing this, but now I’m engaging with you,’” Dr. Manuslov says. 

2. Scrolling or having your phone in grabbing distance. 

It’s become pretty normalized to have your phone glued to your palm. Still, looking at your phone subconsciously communicates that whatever’s on there is more important or interesting than what the person in front of you has to say, according to Roberts. It says “my attention is somewhere else.” Even having your phone on the table suggests some of your attention is with it or that you’re OK with being distracted by it, Dr. Manuslov says. This can even limit how deep a conversation goes. (You’re less likely to bring up something vulnerable or serious if your convo partner is one push notification away from responding to a DM.) 

If that’s not what you want to get across, try putting your phone away (in your pocket, your bag, your desk) and turning on do-not-disturb mode (when possible) to signify your full presence. “That can be a real sign that in this moment, I’m talking to you. I’m not gonna have any other distractions. You’re important enough to me, or this topic is important to me, that I’m not going to let anything else bother me,” Dr. Manuslov says. 

3. Looking at everyone and everything except the person you’re talking to. 

Wandering eyes can indicate disinterest, boredom, and distraction. “If you keep looking at other people or around the room, it suggests to someone that you’re not really paying attention—even if you are,” Dr. Manuslov says. Lack of eye contact could also suggest you’re uncomfortable with the topic, shy, annoyed, or intimidated, Roberts says. 

If that’s not what you’re trying to say, try making more eye contact to convey engagement and focus, Roberts says—especially when you’re listening. “The listener is looking toward the person for what they’re saying,” Dr. Manuslov says. (Glancing away occasionally is fine.) When you’re the one doing the talking, too much eye contact can actually be intimidating. It’s more natural to look away while you’re speaking and then return to making eye contact, Dr. Manuslov says. “That makes most people the most comfortable.” 

4. Nodding or shaking your head while listening (but not too much). 

Nodding your head is a great way to indicate that you’re tracking with what somebody is saying, without interrupting them. A nod can signify active listening, understanding, enthusiasm, support, or agreement. It says “I’m really into what you’re saying,” according to Dr. Manuslov. There can be too much of a good thing, though: Vigorous, continuous nodding could be misinterpreted as rushing the other person to hurry up and finish talking, Dr. Manuslov says. 

And while shaking your head means “no” or “I disagree” in some contexts, it can also be a positive cue. “If someone’s telling you a terrible story or something they’re really upset about and you shake your head, that can be a sign of empathy,” Dr. Manuslov says. For example, a well-timed headshake could say “Wow, what a jerk. I can’t believe he did that to you,” or “Oh, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you.” 

Try nodding when you want someone to know you’re on board with what they’re saying, and shaking your head to express empathy when someone is sharing something difficult. 

5. Standing weirdly close to or weirdly far from someone. 

Cultural norms tell us what range of distance we should be to people, depending on our relationship. The more intimate you are, the more physical closeness is expected, Dr. Manuslov explains. Within those zones, people have their own comfort levels. And if you violate someone’s level, “that will likely have an impact on how they see you and what they think you’re trying to communicate, even if you’re not,” Dr. Manuslov says. 

Standing or sitting closer to somebody can suggest intimacy and engagement. But getting too close can come off as being aggressive, overly familiar, not respecting their personal space, or trying to intimidate them, Roberts says. On the other hand, standing too far can be perceived as coldness or aloofness, Dr. Manuslov says—like “stay away from me.” 

Pay attention to this one next time you’re at a social event where you’re meeting new people. You’ll know if someone wants to be closer or farther based on their reactions. “What typically happens is the other person will back up,” Dr. Manuslov says. (Or try to move closer.) Follow their lead: If they back up, don’t move closer again. (And, of course, if someone gets too close for your comfort level, you should back up.) 

6. Constantly fidgeting. 

Maybe you tend to play with your hands, tap your feet, or squirm in your seat. “If someone knows you and knows that’s just how you are, they’re less likely to be bothered by it or notice it,” Dr. Manuslov says. But when someone doesn’t know you as well, fidgeting can suggest that you’re bored, impatient, distracted, or nervous. “I may just be tapping my foot, but you may see it as I can’t wait to get away from this conversation,” Roberts says. 

If you’re a big fidgeter, there are a couple of things to try. One is to simply practice fidgeting less. While it can be a tough habit to break, Dr. Manuslov says it’s doable with time. That said, for many people who are neurodivergent, not fidgeting is extremely challenging or impossible, Dr. Manuslov points out. Some research suggests that fidgeting might help people with ADHD pay attention. And individuals with autism may use repetitive movements to self-regulate. 

Another option that Roberts recommends is just mentioning it, like: “Just so you know, I tend to be fidgety. But it doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention to you, that’s just what I do.” 

7. A gentle touch on the arm. 

Physical touch is one of the most powerful ways to make somebody feel cared for, Dr. Manuslov says. In general, a brief, light touch on the arm communicates empathy or emotional support. It says “I’m here for you, I feel for you, and I care.” Stick to the forearm, upper arm, or shoulder. 

While most people appreciate light touch, Dr. Manuslov says, some are touch-avoidant. She recommends paying attention to how they respond—if someone tenses up or pulls away, that’s a no-go. And in the workplace, any touch (especially between different genders) could communicate over-intimacy or a lack of professional boundaries. “If you’re friends with somebody in the office, that’s kind of different,” Dr. Manuslov explains. But in general, play it safe. 

Try offering a gentle touch when you want to be there for somebody who is upset or sharing something tough with you. “In those moments when they really need support, that’s one of the best things, for most people, that you can do,” Dr. Manuslov says.

8.  Speaking in a soft tone.  

Speaking more softly can help set the right tone during a conversation about something serious, Dr. Manuslov says. It generally shows closeness with the person and that you care about what they’re going through. “If someone is upset, you can use a quieter voice to make it a more intimate, serious conversation,” Dr. Manuslov says. A lower volume can also show remorse during an apology, Dr. Manuslov adds.

Try this one next time you want to create more emotional intimacy during a conversation. 

One final rule of nonverbal communication: Stay curious. 

While knowing how people can interpret your nonverbals is super useful, another part of being a good communicator is staying open-minded and curious. 

For one thing, these cues aren’t black-and-white. “Sometimes people believe that nonverbal communication is this universal language,” Dr. Manuslov says. “And there are some biological, automatic things that we may do. But most of the time, they’re affected by our cultural training.” For example, norms around smiling at strangers or how physically affectionate people are can vary a lot from one country to another. And within those cultures, we’re all different. 

And, like we talked about, most nonverbal cues can have multiple meanings. So when you notice what seems like a negative signal, try being curious instead of jumping to conclusions. “Those are moments when it’s really good to notice the meaning that you’re giving to the behavior, and then take a step back and ask yourself, What else could it mean?” Dr. Manuslov says. You can also just ask them. Try something like “Hey, I noticed XYZ. Does that mean you’re upset, or am I totally misreading that?” Dr. Manuslov says. “It can open up a conversation.” 

The post 8 Things You’re Saying Without Even Realizing It appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.14.25

The Right Way to Apologize, According to Therapists

So hard. So necessary. ByLauren Del Turco

It’s hard to apologize. Whether you’re not used to doing it, trying to find the perfect way to make amends, or struggling to take accountability, acknowledging that you messed up sucks.

Plus, if you’re scared of seeing yourself in a negative light or letting others in on your mistakes, apologizing can be extra triggering, says Amalia Miralrío, LMSW, LCSW, founder of Amity Detroit Counseling. 

You might believe admitting fault is evidence that you’re a bad person who’s undeserving of attention or love. That’s especially true if you weren’t allowed to make mistakes growing up, adds licensed psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD. 

If you can relate, remember apologizing is a skill that builds healthier relationships with yourself and others. Over time, you’ll learn that it’s OK to screw up and admit fault. Doing so might even lead to deeper connections with those you care about most. Which, yeah, sounds pretty good. 

You don’t even have to apologize perfectly, says Dr. Shumway. “It’s about intention,” he explains. “What matters most is showing the other person you’re willing to take responsibility and repair the relationship.”

No matter what you’re apologizing for, the goal is to have an open heart and mind—and prove that you care, Dr. Shumway says. In other words, you don’t need the perfect tone or even a script to apologize effectively, he says. 

With that in mind, here’s what you do need to express your regret, make amends, and move forward in a sincere way. You got this! 

Consider your motives

If your goal is to make this problem go away, you’re doing it wrong. Like we said, apologizing is about acknowledging that you messed up and that you care about the person you hurt.

So, if you’re trying to fast-forward through some conflict by owning up to something that wasn’t your fault (it happens) or saying sorry when you’re not, do not pass go. 

Dr. Shumway says those motives can make your delivery seem insincere (maybe? because? it is?). “A meaningful apology comes from caring about the other person and wanting to repair the relationship,” he adds. 

Get grounded.

It’s understandable if the idea of apologizing freaks you out. While that’s not an excuse to avoid fessing up, taking a sec to remind yourself it’s safe before diving in might be warranted.

When your heart is racing or you start to sweat, getting present can help you find some calm, says Dr. Shumway. If you’re into affirmations, tell yourself, “Even though this feels awkward, I will be proud of myself for doing the right thing,” Dr. Shumway suggests. You could also try, “People appreciate when I hold myself accountable.”

If those phrases aren’t doing it for you, a mindfulness exercise might. Try box breathing: Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold again for four counts, and then start the whole thing over. Another option, look around you and name as many things as you can see. 

Once you’re feeling mostly normal again, you’re ready to go. 

Ditch the caveats.

Again, if you’re not prepared to take full accountability for your actions, you’re not ready to apologize.

But if you’re prepared to say you’re sorry with your chest, you’ll need to drop any excuses. Unfortunately, anything that starts with, “I’m sorry, but,” is not a genuine apology, says Dr. Shumway. 

When you chase your apology with, “But you knew that would set me off,” or “But I’ve been so stressed lately,” you’re not accepting total responsibility for what you did or said. 

Same goes if your apology sounds like, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” says Miralrío. In both cases, you’re side-stepping ownership. That doesn’t reassure the other person that you actually see the harm you caused or that you won’t do it again. 

In the end, the best way to convey your humility, sincerity, and maturity is to say, “I’m sorry.” The only thing you should be tacking on is the behavior you regret and why you regret it. That’s it. “It’s a simple but powerful way to open the door to repair,” Dr. Shumway adds.

Create a plan of action—and share it.

A top-notch apology also involves changing your behavior to avoid that shit from happening again. This shows the other person that you’re serious about making things better, says Dr. Shumway. 

So think about what you could have done differently before you apologize. Maybe you plan to abstain from judgmental comments about your brother’s new girlfriend. Or perhaps you get better about setting reminders so you’re not late to dinner so often. If you’re not sure what to do, ask the other person how they’d like you to make things right. 

Whether you’re asking for their input or figuring it out yourself, expressing a way to move forward shows them you’re serious about turning this situation around, says Dr. Shumway.

Make space for their feelings.

After you’ve thoroughly apologized and planned to make it right, it’s time to hear the other person out. This is one of the most critical parts of making amends, says Dr. Shumway. 

You can ask, “What do you think about all of that?” or, “Is there anything you’d like to share?” Then, listen without interrupting or defending yourself, says Dr. Shumway. It’s not always easy, but proving you can take feedback when you mess up can deepen relationships over time. It also builds trust. 

This is the perfect moment to use your active listening skills. Listen without planning a rebuttal, make eye contact to show you’re paying attention, repeat what you heard them say, and ask if you’ve got it right. If something doesn’t make sense, it’s OK to ask questions, just keep an open mind.

Let go of the outcome

I’m sorry to tell you this, but apologizing doesn’t reset a relationship. And while it’s very understandable to hope the discomfort of this whole situation disappears after you say your piece, that probably won’t happen.

“There’s no guarantee what will happen in the relationship after the apology,” says Miralrío. It’s very possible that the thing you’re apologizing for was too much for the other person. Or they just need more time, space, or communication before they can move forward, says Dr. Shumway. “Be patient and respectful of their process,” he adds.

Even without the promise of a happy ending though, apologizing is important for everyone involved. The point isn’t to fix things right now but to show up for yourself and the other person. That’s all you can control in the end.

The post The Right Way to Apologize, According to Therapists appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 02.13.25

4 Communication Styles That Will Sum Up All of Your Conversations

Plus, what your go-to style says about you. ByCarolyn Todd

If you’ve spent much time around your fellow humans, then you already know we all have very different ways of communicating. Maybe your partner yells when they get upset, while you prefer to wield the silent treatment. You may have even noticed that our communication styles can pivot from one interaction to the next. Maybe you’re usually direct to a fault, except when you’re talking to your parents. 

Lucky for us, there are experts who can help us make sense of all this. Communication pros have identified four primary communication styles that help explain pretty much all of your interactions with other people. Understanding these four styles and what they mean might help you see your conversations in a completely new light. 

Here’s what experts want you to know about the four main communication styles: what they are, what they sound like, when and why we use them, where your go-to style comes from, and whether you can learn to change it.  

What are the four main communication styles? 

The styles are based on “the four different basic ways that people communicate with each other,” says Debra Roberts, LCSW, a communication expert specializing in conflict resolution, relationships, and workplace dynamics. It’s not entirely clear where the framework comes from, says Madeleine Holland, PhD, associate professor of communication at The University of Texas at Austin Moody College of Communication. And while it hasn’t been studied much by communication scholars, “that doesn’t mean it’s not useful,” Dr. Holland says. The model is simple, makes intuitive sense to most people, and, most importantly, can be pretty illuminating. 

“Having a framework or words to put around abstract interactions is very helpful for people in understanding and sense-making about that interaction,” Dr. Holland says. It’s kind of like putting on a pair of glasses that help you see not just what the other person is saying but how they’re saying it. So you can look at a tense conversation you just had with a roommate and be able to say, “Hm, that felt passive-aggressive,” Dr. Holland explains. Not to mention, understanding the four styles unlocks self-awareness—the first step in being better at communicating, Roberts says.

Most people dabble in all four communication styles at some point, but you’ll probably notice that one feels the most familiar to you and your connections. “You tend to spend most of your time communicating in one of these categories more than the others,” says Roberts. But you’re not locked into one. “We can move between them,” Roberts explains. 

OK, so let’s get into the four styles. 

1. Passive 

Passive communication is like “taking the backseat in a conversation,” Roberts says. It can sound like being submissive, quiet, appeasing, indirect, fawning, and not stating our feelings and needs. We might constantly defer to the other person (“I’m totally good with whatever you want to do!”) or minimize our feelings (“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.”), or apologize a lot.

When we’re using passive communication, we might be silently “waiting and hoping for others to read our minds,” says Ali Miller, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist and couples communication coach. For example, if your partner left their dirty dishes in the sink (again), a person who favors a passive communication style might privately be upset and wish their partner would change their behavior, but not say anything at all. 

Some people who favor passive communication may be just more easygoing by nature, Roberts says, and they’ll switch to a different style when they need to. But leaning heavily on this style can also indicate that we believe our needs and feelings don’t matter, Miller says. Or that avoiding potential conflict is more important. It’s also common to use a passive communication style in dynamics where you think you have less power, Miller says—like, say, when communicating with your boss. 

2. Aggressive

The other end of the spectrum is aggressive communication. This can range anywhere from dismissive to overly defensive or even bossy, says Miller. Or it can sound like being loud, demanding, hostile, or downright mean, Roberts says. You might make critical or judgemental comments (“What’s wrong with you?” or “That’s stupid”), raise your voice, or place blame, Miller adds.

If a person with an aggressive style noticed their partner left their dirty dishes in the sink, they might say something like, “You’re so lazy and inconsiderate. Put the dishes in the dishwasher!” Miller says.

Some people simply have more of an aggressive communication style, Miller says. “They might think they’re just expressing themselves. I’m passionate, I’m intense,” Roberts says. But aggressive communication can also stem from an underlying belief that only my needs and feelings matter, Miller says. Or, again, they lack the tools to communicate their needs properly—so they resort to force. 

You’re more likely to use an aggressive communication style when you feel like you have the upper hand. But you can also resort to aggression when you’re in distress and have important needs (like safety or being understood) that aren’t getting met for a long time, Miller says. “A lot of us tend to get louder when we’re not being heard.” So someone who defaults to passive communication—and has a lot of unexpressed needs bottled up—can actually end up exploding into aggressive communication. 

3. Passive-aggressive 

As the name suggests, this style is a mix of the previous two. As with passive communication, this one is characterized by avoiding directly stating your feelings or needs. But there’s a tinge (or more than a tinge) of aggression thrown in, Roberts says. It can sound like terseness, sarcasm, subtle jabs, snarkiness, saying perfectly kind words but in a bitter tone, or giving someone the silent treatment. You might roll your eyes, give a snippy, “Mhm,” or say, “Yup, that’s totally fine” in a tone that says it’s totally not. 

In our dirty dishes scenario, a passive-aggressive communicator might roll their eyes and make a sarcastic jab, Miller says, like, “Guess I’ll do the dishes…again.” Or they might not bring it up with their partner—but then, at a party that night, complain about how messy they are to a friend while the partner is in earshot. 

Unsurprisingly, these mixed signals can “often lead to the other person feeling confused,” Miller says. “Like, Wait, are you mad at me?” Or you might sense some tension, but not be able to put your finger on why. 

A passive-aggressive style often stems from “confusion about when your own needs even matter” or “feeling like you can’t express them directly,” Miller says. (Maybe because you’re afraid, or you just don’t know how.) You’re also more likely to use this style when you feel you have less power than the other party, Miller says. For instance, maybe someone who’s normally more aggressive leans more passive-aggressive in disagreements with their boss. 

4. Assertive 

Assertive communication is when we’re being direct, respectful, clear, calm, collaborative, and curious, Roberts says. We don’t resort to avoidance, intimidation, or mixed signals because we can express ourselves effectively. Assertive communication sounds like directly stating our needs and feelings—while also making space and expressing consideration for the other person’s needs and feelings, Miller says. 

You might say something like this, Miller says: “This is what I see happening. This is what I feel in relation to that. This is what I want or need. Would you be willing to do this?” And despite this being a healthy way of expressing your needs, when someone isn’t as familiar with assertive communication, they might actually mistake the person for being aggressive or “too direct,” Roberts says. 

An assertive person who saw their partner’s sinkful of dishes might say something like, “The dishes piling up in the sink makes me feel overwhelmed, and I’d love some support in keeping the home tidy so I can feel more relaxed and not resentful. Could you please put your dishes in the dishwasher at the end of the night, or can we switch off who does the dishes each day?”  

Miller says the belief at the core of assertive communication is that your needs and feelings truly matter—and so do other people’s. You believe that your desire for a clean sink matters, and you assume that your partner is also getting a need met by leaving their dishes out (like being able to just collapse on the couch after a long day). 

So we’re more inclined to be assertive when we trust that the other party values our needs and will meet them, Miller says. It’s also easier to access when we feel like we’re on equal footing with someone, Roberts says—a healthy friendship, a mutually respectful colleagueship—as well as when we’re feeling emotionally regulated. 

A few caveats about communication styles

These four communication styles aren’t always so cut and dry. Here are a few nuances experts want you to keep in mind about where the styles come from, why we jump around, and how we can learn a new style. 

A lot of factors influence your go-to style. 

So, why might we gravitate towards a particular style? You can blame that on conditioning, Miller says. How you grew up has a massive impact. “We model what we learn in our families,” Roberts says. If your parents or older siblings favored one style, that’s more likely to become your default (and seem pretty normal to you). Or maybe you grew up in a household where you learned your needs don’t matter, Miller says, so you learned to resort to passive communication. 

How we’re socialized also matters—like the communication norms of the country and culture you’re raised in. “There are certain cultures that are generally more passive and others that are more direct and assertive,” Roberts says. Gender dynamics factor in too. Girls, women, and feminine-presenting folks “have been historically socialized to be more passive,” Roberts says. Meanwhile, assertive communication can be especially tough for women, who “often struggle with expressing our needs directly [and] making clear, direct requests,” Miller says. Race can also play a role, especially if racism and racial biases have impacted the way you feel comfortable communicating. “Perceptions, biases, and expectations can influence whether [you’re] seen as confident or aggressive,” Roberts says. For instance, a woman or BIPOC person may be more likely to be accused of being aggressive when they’re being assertive.

You switch between the styles based on several factors.

It’s normal to shift gears depending on the person and scenario. If the other person has a volatile temper or is dominant in the relationship, for example, you’re more likely to tip-toe around them with passive communication. Then there’s the social norms of the environment you’re in, Roberts says—school, the office, the doctor’s office, church. Maybe you’re typically more passive-aggressive, but switch to passive when you’re talking to your teacher or manager because that’s more how you’re expected to behave. 

Your emotional state matters too. “If you’re under stress, if you’re fearful or angry, it can shift how you communicate,” Roberts explains. Maybe you’re pretty good at assertive communication when you’re feeling calm and curious—but flip into aggressive mode when you’re upset. The style you tend to lean on when you’re in distress often corresponds with your typical stress response (or “fight-or-flight” response). For example, “If your default is to go into fight mode, you’re probably more likely to have aggressive communication,” Miller says. “If your default is to go into freeze mode, you’re likely to be more passive.” 

Most of us need to practice assertive communication.  

The most effective communication style is assertive. But it doesn’t come naturally, and it’s not often modeled for us. “I don’t know anyone who is a master of assertive communication without actually working on it,” Miller says. Otherwise, we’re probably going to default to one of the others. “When we don’t know how to be assertive, or we can’t tap into our sense of empowerment or mattering, that’s when we tend to be passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive,” Miller explains. 

Luckily, assertive communication is a skill you can get better at with practice. Miller says a good place to start is the Nonviolent Communication model, which is a simple four-step framework. You could also work with a therapist or coach specializing in interpersonal communication. 

None of the communication styles are bad. 

Sure, a lot of us might be aspiring to get better at assertive communication. But “none of these styles are bad or wrong,” Miller points out. “They’re all attempts to meet needs.” For example, being passive may fulfill the need for a sense of safety in a tense or dangerous situation. Being aggressive can be an attempt to be heard or appear strong. So don’t judge yourself. “We’re always doing our best,” Miller says. “Have self-compassion.” 

The post 4 Communication Styles That Will Sum Up All of Your Conversations appeared first on Wondermind.

Link Copied 02.12.25

7 Surprising Ways ADHD Impacts Your Social Life

An ADHD specialist (who also has ADHD) explains what’s really going on. BySasha Hamdani, MD

As a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist, I spend a lot of time helping clients better understand their brains and develop strategies to thrive. But, as someone who also lives with ADHD, I know how frustrating and confusing it can be to feel like your symptoms are holding you back in some way. 

While ADHD is often associated with challenges in focus and productivity, one less talked about but equally significant area it affects is your social life. 

In case you need a quick refresher, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects the brain’s executive function system, including areas responsible for attention, impulse control, and emotional regulation. Neurobiologically, ADHD involves the dysregulation of dopamine and norepinephrine—two chemicals that play key roles in motivation, reward, and social connection. These underlying differences can make socializing both uniquely challenging and, at times, deeply rewarding for individuals with ADHD. 

Understanding how ADHD affects your social interactions can help you build more supportive and fulfilling relationships. So let’s dive into some specific ways ADHD influences the way you socialize and explore (easy) actionable ways to navigate these challenges.

1. You might be prone to fumbling plans.

ADHD often impacts time management and organization, which can make it hard to stick to social plans. Forgetting about coffee dates or accidentally overcommitting yourself doesn’t mean you’re flakey or you don’t care—it actually has to do with your brain’s executive functioning. Lots of people with ADHD report problems with time blindness, which might look like over- or underestimating how much time has passed when we aren’t watching the clock. All of this can lead to missed appointments and feelings of guilt, which obviously can be not great for your social life.

How to deal: Use tools like calendar apps or alarms to remind yourself of plans. Try setting what might seem like a comical amount of  reminders—one a day before and another an hour before. Being transparent with your friends about your ADHD can also help them understand that it’s not personal if you slip up.

2. You’re probably known as the late friend. 

You can thank our pal time blindness for this one too, which can make it difficult to gauge how long tasks will take. Cut to you halfway through your getting-ready routine when you realize that you were supposed to leave five minutes ago. This can lead to showing up late to events or appointments, which is frustrating and stressful for everyone involved. 

How to deal: Break down your preparation process into smaller steps, setting alarms for each one (e.g., start getting ready, five-minute-warning, leave the house, etc.), . Let others know you’re working on this—most people will appreciate the effort. Need more tips? Here are 8 hacks for dealing with time blindness. 

3. You might interrupt people more than you mean to.

Impulsivity can lead to interrupting or blurting out thoughts in conversations. This is often because people with ADHD fear forgetting what they want to say if they wait too long.

How to deal: Practice active listening by repeating key points in your head while waiting for your turn to speak. If you’re close with someone, you can even ask them to gently signal when they’re ready for you to jump in.

4. You might be an oversharer. 

Who hasn’t accidentally dropped a deep disclosure in the middle of a casual conversation and then cringed about it for days after? Well, if you have ADHD, oversharing might be a more frequent occurrence for you. That’s because ADHD brains often seek connection and novelty, and sharing personal stories feels rewarding in the moment. That boost of dopamine can be great if you’re bonding with someone you trust, but it might also leave you with a vulnerability hangover if you got too deep with a stranger or coworker. 

How to deal: Before you go super deep in a conversation, pause and ask yourself, Is this something I’d feel comfortable with this person knowing long-term? Practicing self-reflection can help you gauge what’s appropriate to share in different contexts and company.

5. Any hint of rejection might send you into a spiral.

Many people with ADHD experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), or a heightened emotional response to perceived criticism or rejection. RSD is thought to be related to the emotional dysregulation that often comes with ADHD. Obviously no one is a fan of rejection, but RSD is an intense and impairing reaction that you wouldn’t be able to shake off quickly. This can make social interactions feel fraught with worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. And if you find out you didn’t get invited to something? Forget it!  

How to deal: Remind yourself that not every reaction from others is about you. When in doubt, ask for clarification (e.g., “Did I upset you just now?”). Therapy can also help you reframe these intense feelings, so if this is something you’re struggling with regularly, try checking in with a professional.

6. You can hyperfixate on new friends and crushes. 

ADHD brains thrive on novelty, which can sometimes lead to hyperfixating on new things—whether that’s a new hobby or a new connection. While this can create exciting and intense bonds, it may overwhelm the other person or lead to neglecting existing relationships.

How to deal: Be mindful of balancing your time and energy across your social circle. Setting boundaries for yourself (e.g., limiting how often you text a new friend) can help maintain balance in your relationships.

7. You can get sidetracked during conversations.

People with ADHD often get distracted in conversations due to fast-paced thinking and challenges with working memory (basically your brain works too fast to organize things in real-time). This can lead to jumping between topics, interrupting, or struggling to stay present. External distractions and impulsivity can also make it difficult to follow through on a discussion or retain key points. That can be extremely frustrating in social situations.

How to deal: Setting a mental goal—like waiting for the other person to finish speaking before responding—can create more balanced and enjoyable conversations. If you get sidetracked, acknowledge it and steer the discussion back to show you’re still engaged. “Sorry, I got sidetracked—what were you saying?”

The bottom line: Socializing with ADHD comes with unique challenges, but it also brings strengths like creativity, humor, and deep empathy. By understanding how ADHD affects your interactions and implementing strategies to navigate these challenges, you can foster stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Remember, it’s OK to ask for support from your friends, family, or a mental health professional as you work on these aspects of your social life. They’ll likely appreciate your self-awareness and the effort you’re putting into building meaningful connections.

The post 7 Surprising Ways ADHD Impacts Your Social Life appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.06.25

41 Questions That’ll Take Your Dates to the Next Level

Go deep without feeling weird. ByAlyssa “Lia” Mancao, LCSW

Dating can be awkward, uncomfortable, and anxiety-provoking (dating anxiety is a thing, by the way). If you’re not sitting in complete silence or getting hit with the ick, you’re tempted to launch a full-on interview or randomly fire off first date questions like, “So, uh, do you like cheese?” (IYKYK) 

Sure, not all first dates are nightmare fuel, but they’re often exhausting. Meeting a stranger, worrying whether they like you, and trying to keep the conversation flowing with the best questions to ask on a first date is a lot.

And when you feel uncomfortable, you might avoid getting into the topics that matter. Unfortunately for all of us, trying to come across as chill or “someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously” is just a recipe for getting stuck in a situationship. Sigh.

As a licensed psychotherapist who guides folks through a range of relationship and dating concerns, I know we’re not all doomed. Becoming more comfortable starts with having a conversation roadmap that includes questions to ask, when to ask them, and how to ask them. Trust me, that small step can make a huge difference.

So, before your next rendezvous, check out these Qs you can use to steer any first date convo. (If you’re looking for more conversation inspo, these classic conversation starters, deep conversation starters, and Would You Rather questions for adults are very solid options.)

A few reminders before you save all these in your Notes app:

• Don’t fire them off like a job interview; pick the ones most important to you and weave them into your date using whatever language feels natural.
• If you struggle to keep the chat flowing, it’s OK to bring up something else by saying, “I have a question.”
• You should expect to respond to any “what about you?” follow-ups.  

Start with the basics. 

It’s important for both people to ease into a first date and feel comfortable with one another before unpacking trauma, for example. Skip the hard-hitting asks for now and focus on icebreakers that keep things light-hearted and offer clarity on your common interests. These introductory Qs are also a solid opportunity for you to see if they have a good sense of humor, can make polite conversation, and are curious about you too. All! Important! Things! 

1. What type of music do you like, and what’s the last concert you went to?
2. When you travel, do you like to have a packed itinerary for max efficiency or do you prefer a chill vibe with flexible plans? 
3. What’s one thing you’re looking forward to doing this year?
4. What are your top three favorite TV shows of all time?
5. What does a typical weekend look like for you? 

Get to know their values. 

One of the most common mistakes is overemphasizing chemistry and equating it with compatibility. In my experience, people often think that intense attraction or random coincidences (like having the same birthday) are signs that someone is their lobster. The dangerous part of that is developing a premature emotional and psychological attachment to someone you don’t really know. (This can make red flags harder to spot.) 

Meanwhile, true compatibility takes time to assess and unfold. It’s hard to tell if their workaholic tendencies vibe with your bed-rotting habit). Matching with someone would look like your values and long-term goals aligning, healthily navigating conflict together, and co-existing in the same living space. Figuring this out takes time. 

Truth is, we need chemistry and compatibility. While you can generally tell if the vibes are off the charts, determining if someone’s a good fit for you comes from weathering life’s ups and downs and asking lots of questions. Feel free to borrow any of these, and make sure you pay attention to their actions to make sure they’re consistent with the things they say.  

1. What qualities do you value in a romantic relationship?
2. How important is _____ to you? 
3. What’s your preference on paying at the end of a date?
4. If you had the power to address any cause or social issue, which one would you choose?
5. What role do your family and friends play in your life? Do you have a close relationship with them? 
6. Who would you consider your support system?
7. What’s your approach to finding work-life balance? Is that important to you? 

Dive into their past. 

Naturally, when you’re building a relationship, you want to learn everything there is to know about someone’s dating history or lack thereof because it gives you intel on their romantic patterns. Like, if they have a strong sexual attraction to a specific demographic based on some stereotypes, there could be some concerning fetishization going on there. Or if they have a track record of cheating, proceed with extreme caution. 

Unpacking someone’s past can also provide insight into where they’re at in their mental health journey. For instance, if they previously avoided dating altogether, you can learn more about what internal work they’ve done to get to this date with you.  

Of course, talking about the past and exes can be touchy. If you want to go deep on the first date, read the room and make sure the ice is fully broken before you dive in. Approaching these questions with a sensitive tone and adding the disclaimer “feel free to share as much as you’re comfortable with” is a thoughtful way to go.

1. Have you ever been in a serious relationship?
2. What’s the longest relationship you’ve been in?
3. Why did your last relationship end?
4. What’s your perspective on exes remaining friends after a breakup? Are you friends with any of your exes?
5. What’s something you’ve learned about yourself during your single years or from your last relationship? 
6. What are you looking for based on the relationships that you’ve been in or your time being single? 
7. What’s something that often triggered you in your previous relationships?
8. What do all your exes or crushes have in common? What do you think attracts you to them? 

Start the communication conversation. 

Communication is one of the core foundations of a healthy relationship, and knowing how someone conveys their thoughts can help you decide if a relationship with them is worth it. If you’re a talker who loves chatting on the phone while they prefer to limit communication until they see you IRL, you’ll likely end up feeling lonely. And I don’t want that for you! Remember to sprinkle in these questions to ensure you’re on the same page (and, again, see if their behaviors match their words).

1. Are you more of a texter or a caller? 
2. How do you show your appreciation in a relationship? How do you want your partner to show that they appreciate you?
3. How do you typically respond if something is bothering you? Say something? Get quiet? Ask for space? Process the situation for a while?
4. In the beginning of any relationship, how often do you like to talk to the person you’re getting to know?
5. What are your views on gender roles and their stereotypes? Do you feel that one person should take the lead in the relationship more in certain areas or that the relationship should be more collaborative? 

Sus out their intentions. 

Ideally, by the second or third date you’d establish your expectations or any boundaries and get some clarity on the other person’s goals for this connection. Most people are afraid to ask the “what do you want” types of questions because they don’t want to scare the other person. But if someone can’t give you an honest answer or takes this to mean you want to marry them on the second date, then this says more about them than you. To save yourself any wasted time or heartache, try to be direct early in the dating stage.  

1. What are you looking for? Something casual? Long-term? Lifelong? 
2. How would you describe your dating style? Do you tend to get to know one person at a time or multiple people at a time?
3. How long do you typically date someone before becoming exclusive?
4. What are your deal-breakers and non-negotiables for relationships?
5. What are your views on commitment, monogamy, or ethical non-monogamy? 

Cultivate intimacy. 

If you already have the basics down, like if you were friends first or have been dating for a bit, the questions you ask can go deeper. When you talk through these topics, they can help you develop more of a connection and a sense of vulnerability and intimacy with each other.

1. What is something I don’t already know about you?
2. What do you need to feel supported?
3. What are some goals you think we should have for our relationship, and why are those important to you?
4. What aspects of our friendship do you want to make sure is a staple in our relationship?
5. What helps you feel loved, safe, and protected in a romantic relationship?

Assess your post-date feelings.

Now that you’ve gotten to know someone new, it’s time to reflect on how it went—and whether they’re worth more space on your calendar. These prompts, which help you drill down your opinion of them, can do exactly that. Be as honest as you can.

1. How do I feel about the flow of conversation?
2. Did they ask me any questions and seem genuinely interested in getting to know me? Or was it a mostly one-sided experience?
3. Were they respectful of my boundaries and personal space? 
4. How did my interaction with them leave me feeling (hopeful, drained, excited)?
5. Did our time together feel too short or was I waiting for it to end?
6. Are we compatible in the areas of my life that matter most to me?

The post 41 Questions That’ll Take Your Dates to the Next Level appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 01.31.25

Everyone Doesn’t Hate You (But Here’s Why You Think They Do)

Let's talk about the liking gap. ByJeff Guenther, LPC

Picture this: You just had a conversation at a party and as you walk away, your brain lights up with not-so-delightful commentary like, Wow, that was awkward. Did I talk too much? Too little? They definitely think I’m the most unlikable person alive. If this sounds familiar, congratulations—you’re human! But here’s the twist: Odds are, they don’t hate you. They probably liked you more than you think, and there’s research to back that up. Enter: the liking gap.

What is the liking gap?

The liking gap is a term researchers use to describe the difference between how much you think someone enjoyed your company and how much they actually did. Spoiler alert: They probably liked you more than you assume. Phew!

A 2018 study published in the journal Psychological Science found that we tend to underestimate how much people enjoy interacting with us. Why? Because we focus on our own insecurities and overanalyze our performance in the conversation, while the other person is likely just enjoying your vibe and not dissecting your every word.

Let’s bring this into real life: You’re chatting with a coworker and feel like you’re rambling about your weekend. Afterward, you think, Ugh, why did I tell that long story about my cat? Meanwhile, your coworker is probably thinking, That was such a fun chat. I should ask about their cat next time!

Now, before you start assuming you’re the belle of every conversational ball, it’s worth noting there are times when the liking gap isn’t at play. For example, if someone is actively avoiding eye contact, giving one-word answers, or physically inching away from you like you’re contagious…yeah, you might be picking up on a genuinely bad vibe. But in most cases, that sinking feeling of they hate me is more about your own inner critic than their actual perception.

How to stop assuming everyone hates you

Now that you know the liking gap exists, how do you quiet that inner monologue telling you you’re the worst? Here are a few tips:

1. Remind yourself that this is really a research-backed thing.

When you catch yourself spiraling into self-doubt after a conversation, pause and think, Oh yeah, this is just the liking gap talking. The science says I’m probably overthinking this, so I’m going to let it go. Being a science nerd finally pays off!

2. Focus on the other person.

Instead of critiquing your every word, shift your attention to the other person. Were they laughing, smiling, or engaging with you? These are clear signs they’re enjoying the interaction. Love your curiosity!

3. Try to stay grounded in the conversation.

When you focus on what’s being said instead of overthinking your own words, you’re less likely to spiral. Try an active listening trick: make eye contact, nod, or reflect back something they said, like, “That sounds amazing—tell me more!” Staying present not only keeps your mind off self-criticism, but it also makes you more engaging. You’re so likable!

4. Practice self-compassion.

Be kind to yourself. Conversations aren’t meant to be performances. If you fumbled a word or told a less-than-thrilling story, so what? People aren’t as harsh on you as you are on yourself. Imperfection is hot!

5. Ask for feedback.

If you’re still stuck in a spiral of self-doubt, you can always check in with someone you trust. A simple, “Hey, was I rambling too much?” can often be met with reassurance that you were totally fine (or even delightful). Very brave vulnerability!

6. Keep perspective.

Finally, remember that people are usually way more focused on themselves than they are on you. They’re likely replaying their own words and wondering what you thought of them. Everyone’s insecure, which, you know, isn’t great, but for the purposes of this article is hopefully at least a little reassuring.

Here’s the thing: Nobody leaves every conversation thinking, I crushed that. But the next time you find yourself spiraling into, Wow, I’m the worst, give yourself a little grace. Chances are, the other person walked away thinking, Wow, what a great chat.

So, let’s make a pact: No more assuming everyone hates you. You’re probably way more likable than you give yourself credit for. And hey, your cat story? It was charming. Trust me.

The post Everyone Doesn’t Hate You (But Here’s Why You Think They Do) appeared first on Wondermind.