Stories Link Copied 02.26.25

15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication

The harmful stigma around medication and mental health needs to end. ByCarina Hsieh Additional Reporting ByCasey Gueren

If it seems like the stigma around mental health medications is suddenly getting worse, you’re not wrong. Medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and others have been the subject of some wild claims from Robert F. Kennedy Jr., newly appointed U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services. During and since his confirmation hearing, RFK Jr. spread harmful misconceptions about these evidence-based mental health medications used to treat conditions like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. 

“Research has continuously demonstrated the safety and efficacy of antidepressants and antipsychotics,” Chase T.M. Anderson, MD, MS, assistant professor in child and adolescent psychiatrist at University of California at San Francisco, tells Wondermind. “Every medication has benefits and risks, so physicians have a ‘risks and benefits’ talk before prescribing and allow space for questions. After prescribing, we monitor for adverse events with regular appointments. With the children, adolescents, and young adults I work with, we meet a few days or a week after. As time goes on and symptoms improve, we space check-ins out more so they can be off living their lives.” 

Despite the fact that RFK Jr.’s criticism of these meds isn’t based in science (more on that here), spreading misinformation can lead to increased stigma and stereotypes about mental health medications and the people who take them. 

If you think you might benefit from mental health medication, it’s worth talking to your primary care provider or a mental health professional to address any concerns floating in the back of your mind. In the meantime, here’s what 15 people had to say about their experiences with mental health meds, including how medicine helped life become more vibrant again and the lowdown on side effects.

1. Think of it like any other medicine you’d need…  

“I’ve been taking [medication] to treat my OCD for about 10 years and had tried other medications when I was in high school. I used to be super embarrassed—especially in high school—that people would judge me for it, and I also [had] fears about what taking medicine meant about me. Once my condition got worse, I had a therapist tell me that it was just like taking medicine to treat anything else. Now I am so fucking grateful for it because I don’t think I would be here without it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the life that I do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you shouldn’t need it, but it doesn’t make you weak.” —Olivia L., 29

2. …Or like a doctor-prescribed safety net. 

“I was on a variety of antidepressants for roughly a decade, from age 14. There were obviously downsides and side effects, but the medication provided a really important safety net whilst I sorted out [my life]. I was fortunate to have doctors who were receptive when I wanted to try different medications, especially as there is no perfect antidepressant. Being a really young person on mental health medication often gets strange looks, but I knew it was the right choice because of the difference it made.” —Oliver A.*, 25 

3. Remember that feeling 100% perfect isn’t the goal… 

“While dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, I hit my absolute bottom. I experienced huge bouts of rage directed at myself and others, had panic attacks every single day, and was ready to pack up my car and leave my husband and baby without any notice. I talked to my doctor about being put on an antidepressant, and since then, I honestly feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’m nowhere near 100% all the time, but being on medication takes the edge off and makes me feel like I can be around people without a panic attack brewing. Since going on medication, I have had only two panic attacks, which is a win for me—I was having at least one a day for months before.” —Kori B., 29 

4. …And that it’s OK if you get frustrated. 

“I have been on psychiatric medications for a variety of mental health issues since I was 16. I haven’t felt the stigma about taking mental health medications (thankfully, I have an amazing family and support system), but I have had to go on a journey within myself to accept that I will probably be on these medications for the rest of my life and that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that will always need this extra attention and care. 

As much as I sometimes hate that I’m taking six to eight pills a day, I know how horrible I felt all the time when I wasn’t on my medications. I truly feel like I deserve a happier, more fulfilled life than that. I have had the darkest depths of depression and the highest highs of manic episodes, but I am blissfully in the middle with this particular cocktail of medications I’m on right now. I still get to experience the full range of human emotion, and I don’t have to be a victim of my mind or scared of my thoughts. These advances in medicine are to make sure we all have the best lives possible, so why not embrace the fact that, yeah, I might be a little ‘off’ on my own, but I have so many resources available to me that can make my life so much better.” —Morgan S., 28 

5. Sometimes therapy isn’t enough.  

“I just started taking medication for depression this year, and I can’t believe I was living for years with the condition and its anxious symptoms when I didn’t have to. As an Asian American, mental health—and especially medication for it—isn’t something that’s talked about in my family. My parents thought I just needed to learn stress relief techniques and go to therapy, but that wasn’t enough. I realized [medication] was a viable and not uncommon option once my partner pointed out that many of my friends were on antidepressants and I asked them about their positive experiences with medication. I cried the first time I took a pill because I felt I was broken, but now I feel I can get so much more of my work done and enjoy being present with others without the compulsion to stay in my room and cry over stressful scenarios I’ve made up in my mind.” —Lauren C., 24 

6. It might take some time to get used to the medication…

“The process of deciding whether or not to start using medication to treat my anxiety and depression was stressful, but my psychiatrist, therapist, and close friends reassured me that it was a valid option to take on, seeing as my condition was worsening earlier in the year. What held me back the most was being seen as weak or broken. I felt like it was my fault for making choices that led me to become ill. But with time, I began to accept the fact that it was just biology, like how diabetics take insulin shots to regulate their blood sugar…taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) would help regulate the chemicals in my brain too. Adjusting to the medication was difficult for me—I dealt with nausea, poor sleep, and stomach problems while getting used to it and changing my dosage. But ultimately, even though the process wasn’t easy, it was also easily one of the best decisions I made all year.” —Rachel H.*, 23, 

7. …And one day, you and your doc might decide to switch it up. 

“I started taking an antidepressant back in 2017 while I was dealing with an excessive amount of panic and anxiety attacks. At first, I was skeptical that a small pill could take away my anxiety attacks, which had been causing me so much stress in my life. I took it anyway, starting off at a low dose and having the dosage raised by a small amount every month. I had a negative experience when my dose reached a certain level, but eventually, my body adjusted. It took a few months to really feel the positive effects of this SSRI, but when I did, it significantly improved my mental health, albeit with the occasional depressive episode. Antidepressants affect everyone differently, and for the most part it truly helped ease the cloud of excessive panic and anxiety attacks that followed me around. I’ve since stopped taking medication after speaking with my provider.” —Nina B., 29 

8. You might have to make some sacrifices… 

“My Sunday scaries used to involve a weekly panic attack about going back to work and the upcoming week ahead. Post medication, I haven’t had any panic attacks and can rationalize that anxiety in a realistic manner without spiraling into a panic. My sex drive and motivation are shot, but my Sunday evenings are better.” —Sera T. 29

9. …But the benefits can be worth it.  

“I avoided getting medicated for potential ADHD for years because my parents didn’t want ‘yet another thing wrong about me.’ I eventually got diagnosed at 30, and since taking medication, I am SO much more productive and honest with people. Some people think medication is a trap that makes you weak. I would say it makes me a stronger person who wants to live their life.” —Rin B., 31

10. It could save your life. 

“I have been lucky in my experience with medications to treat my depression. In high school, I was suicidal, and my mom forced me to see a doctor, which I resented, but it undoubtedly saved my life. I had the fortunate experience of the first med I tried working for me. It took time to find the right dose, but I’ve been on it for a decade now and can’t imagine my life without it. I grew up in a very small town where I think there was likely a lot of mental health stigma, but I have always been very open about it, and I think that worked to my advantage as a teenager and into adulthood. I feel awful on the rare occasions I forget my meds, but, in general, they make me feel like the life I want to build is possible.” —Lexie N., 26

11. It can help you tick off that to-do list.  

“When I actually remember to take my [ADHD meds], I feel like I log back into reality. I have combined type ADHD (as well as autism), and I didn’t realize how much I mentally checked out to cope with the simultaneously buzzing and boring world around me. So much of my body suddenly switched on [the first time I took my meds], and I was finally capable of putting my mind to something and doing it.” —Gates H.*, 27

12. It doesn’t make you weak. 

“In January 2022, I took a leave of absence from grad school for my mental health and began taking psychiatric medications. I spun a harmful narrative about myself that taking a break meant I was less intelligent and capable. The stigma surrounding medications certainly contributed, given the stereotype that if you take meds, you lack ‘mental toughness.’ Now, I’m happy to share my experiences with meds and how they have helped me build stability and resilience.” —Paige T., 26

13. And life might become more vibrant.  

“In 2015, during a period of depression and anxiety, my doctor told me that the most effective treatment for anxiety and depression was talk therapy in tandem with medication, so I started off on a low dose of medication. It was incredibly affirming to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression because it suggested my pain wasn’t all in my head and was valid. Even so, I was so ashamed that they prescribed psychiatric medication. About two weeks after taking my meds, I felt a 180-degree shift in my mental state. I describe in my book how colors started looking brighter, music started to sound better, and I felt taller both physically and emotionally. Seven years later, I’m in the process of successfully tapering off, but I’ll always be grateful for the way medication rewired some of the chemistry in my brain in a way I wasn’t able to do on my own.” —Marissa M., 30

14. And you can dedicate more energy to other areas of your life.

“I was diagnosed with GAD and depression in late 2019. My psychiatrist placed me on medication as a form of treatment, but I felt the effects of my diagnoses long before then. After years of reducing my symptoms to a ‘personality trait,’ getting a psychiatric diagnosis, treatment, and validation led to what felt like an alteration in my worldview. My depressive symptoms and severe anxiety became much more manageable, and my medication gave me the opportunity to dedicate more time and energy to practicing other forms of mental health and wellness that enhanced the effects of my medication.” —Noelle S., 23 

15. High achievers can benefit from it too. 

“When I was 25, I was a thriving, high-achieving, successful student turned post-grad professional, but my anxiety was crippling me. My primary care doctor prescribed medication to treat generalized anxiety and depression, which at the time, sounded absolutely terrifying. I begrudgingly took my prescribed dosage, which initially felt like admitting ‘defeat.’ 

Once I [found the right dosage], I felt like the medication had finally taken the edge off of life that my brain chemistry so deeply wanted. I’m deeply fortunate that the first prescribed medication worked for me, as I know it can take frustrating trial and error to find what works best for you.” —Taylor O., 32

*Name has been changed. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication appeared first on Wondermind.

Link Copied 02.12.25

7 Surprising Ways ADHD Impacts Your Social Life

An ADHD specialist (who also has ADHD) explains what’s really going on. BySasha Hamdani, MD

As a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist, I spend a lot of time helping clients better understand their brains and develop strategies to thrive. But, as someone who also lives with ADHD, I know how frustrating and confusing it can be to feel like your symptoms are holding you back in some way. 

While ADHD is often associated with challenges in focus and productivity, one less talked about but equally significant area it affects is your social life. 

In case you need a quick refresher, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects the brain’s executive function system, including areas responsible for attention, impulse control, and emotional regulation. Neurobiologically, ADHD involves the dysregulation of dopamine and norepinephrine—two chemicals that play key roles in motivation, reward, and social connection. These underlying differences can make socializing both uniquely challenging and, at times, deeply rewarding for individuals with ADHD. 

Understanding how ADHD affects your social interactions can help you build more supportive and fulfilling relationships. So let’s dive into some specific ways ADHD influences the way you socialize and explore (easy) actionable ways to navigate these challenges.

1. You might be prone to fumbling plans.

ADHD often impacts time management and organization, which can make it hard to stick to social plans. Forgetting about coffee dates or accidentally overcommitting yourself doesn’t mean you’re flakey or you don’t care—it actually has to do with your brain’s executive functioning. Lots of people with ADHD report problems with time blindness, which might look like over- or underestimating how much time has passed when we aren’t watching the clock. All of this can lead to missed appointments and feelings of guilt, which obviously can be not great for your social life.

How to deal: Use tools like calendar apps or alarms to remind yourself of plans. Try setting what might seem like a comical amount of  reminders—one a day before and another an hour before. Being transparent with your friends about your ADHD can also help them understand that it’s not personal if you slip up.

2. You’re probably known as the late friend. 

You can thank our pal time blindness for this one too, which can make it difficult to gauge how long tasks will take. Cut to you halfway through your getting-ready routine when you realize that you were supposed to leave five minutes ago. This can lead to showing up late to events or appointments, which is frustrating and stressful for everyone involved. 

How to deal: Break down your preparation process into smaller steps, setting alarms for each one (e.g., start getting ready, five-minute-warning, leave the house, etc.), . Let others know you’re working on this—most people will appreciate the effort. Need more tips? Here are 8 hacks for dealing with time blindness. 

3. You might interrupt people more than you mean to.

Impulsivity can lead to interrupting or blurting out thoughts in conversations. This is often because people with ADHD fear forgetting what they want to say if they wait too long.

How to deal: Practice active listening by repeating key points in your head while waiting for your turn to speak. If you’re close with someone, you can even ask them to gently signal when they’re ready for you to jump in.

4. You might be an oversharer. 

Who hasn’t accidentally dropped a deep disclosure in the middle of a casual conversation and then cringed about it for days after? Well, if you have ADHD, oversharing might be a more frequent occurrence for you. That’s because ADHD brains often seek connection and novelty, and sharing personal stories feels rewarding in the moment. That boost of dopamine can be great if you’re bonding with someone you trust, but it might also leave you with a vulnerability hangover if you got too deep with a stranger or coworker. 

How to deal: Before you go super deep in a conversation, pause and ask yourself, Is this something I’d feel comfortable with this person knowing long-term? Practicing self-reflection can help you gauge what’s appropriate to share in different contexts and company.

5. Any hint of rejection might send you into a spiral.

Many people with ADHD experience rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), or a heightened emotional response to perceived criticism or rejection. RSD is thought to be related to the emotional dysregulation that often comes with ADHD. Obviously no one is a fan of rejection, but RSD is an intense and impairing reaction that you wouldn’t be able to shake off quickly. This can make social interactions feel fraught with worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. And if you find out you didn’t get invited to something? Forget it!  

How to deal: Remind yourself that not every reaction from others is about you. When in doubt, ask for clarification (e.g., “Did I upset you just now?”). Therapy can also help you reframe these intense feelings, so if this is something you’re struggling with regularly, try checking in with a professional.

6. You can hyperfixate on new friends and crushes. 

ADHD brains thrive on novelty, which can sometimes lead to hyperfixating on new things—whether that’s a new hobby or a new connection. While this can create exciting and intense bonds, it may overwhelm the other person or lead to neglecting existing relationships.

How to deal: Be mindful of balancing your time and energy across your social circle. Setting boundaries for yourself (e.g., limiting how often you text a new friend) can help maintain balance in your relationships.

7. You can get sidetracked during conversations.

People with ADHD often get distracted in conversations due to fast-paced thinking and challenges with working memory (basically your brain works too fast to organize things in real-time). This can lead to jumping between topics, interrupting, or struggling to stay present. External distractions and impulsivity can also make it difficult to follow through on a discussion or retain key points. That can be extremely frustrating in social situations.

How to deal: Setting a mental goal—like waiting for the other person to finish speaking before responding—can create more balanced and enjoyable conversations. If you get sidetracked, acknowledge it and steer the discussion back to show you’re still engaged. “Sorry, I got sidetracked—what were you saying?”

The bottom line: Socializing with ADHD comes with unique challenges, but it also brings strengths like creativity, humor, and deep empathy. By understanding how ADHD affects your interactions and implementing strategies to navigate these challenges, you can foster stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Remember, it’s OK to ask for support from your friends, family, or a mental health professional as you work on these aspects of your social life. They’ll likely appreciate your self-awareness and the effort you’re putting into building meaningful connections.

The post 7 Surprising Ways ADHD Impacts Your Social Life appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 11.27.24

Masking for Autism and ADHD Is Exhausting—Here’s How to Take Care of Yourself

Fight burnout, feel better. ByMolly Longman

For neurodivergent folks, the term “masking” refers to much more than just face coverings—it’s the common coping strategy that many people with autism spectrum disorder or ADHD use to mask certain traits associated with these conditions in an effort to downplay any perceived differences.  And, if you can relate to masking autism or ADHD, you know how taxing it can be. 

From sucking all your energy to messing with your self-esteem, masking has plenty of drawbacks. But, for some people and situations, the pros can outweigh the cons. Neurodivergent people might use masking to avoid bullying, judgment, discrimination, the loss of opportunities, and even physical danger, says psychologist Greg Wallace, PhD, an associate professor at The George Washington University who studies autism spectrum disorder across the lifespan. 

Masking can happen in public places, at work, or anytime a neurodivergent person feels unsafe or uncomfortable, explains Dr. Wallace. Sometimes it can mean making an effort to hold eye contact even when it’s uncomfortable, changing the way you speak, and shifting your body language or even your tone of voice, says Zoe Gross, director of advocacy at the Autistic Self Advocacy Network. Of course, because masking is a means of covering up your specific traits of autism and ADHD, masking can look different for everyone. 

Ideally, we could use a magic wand to build a more accepting society so no one would feel the need to mask. But, until we get there, it’s not uncommon for neurodivergent folks to turn to masking for things like impressing their boss at work, pacifying a cranky customer, or getting a drink at a bar. The important thing is that you take care of yourself before, during, and after, says  Valerie L. Gaus, PhD, a clinical psychologist who works mostly with autistic clients. “A period of masking is just like any physically or mentally draining activity,” Dr. Gaus explains. And just as you’d prep and rest after a run or painting your house, you should take care of yourself before and after masking, she adds.

If you find yourself masking frequently, these self-care tips from experts and people who get it can help you stay energized, boost your confidence, and prevent burnout. 

1. Meet your basic needs.

Like we said, masking can be exhausting. So if you want to fend off things like burnout or fatigue, make sure you’re doing the things that keep you afloat. Dr. Gaus recommends that people who mask prioritize sleep, make sure they’re not skipping meals, and stay hydrated. Meeting those small benchmarks can help you stay energized while masking and feel less drained afterward, she adds. “When you’re compassionate toward yourself, it frees you up to do more of what you want with your time and energy,” says Dr. Gaus. “Then, you can be more available for connection and sharing when you so choose.”

2. Optimize your downtime.

After masking all day, it can be helpful to find a safe place where you can decompress, says Jules Edwards, a writer and disability advocate with autism. Maybe that means skipping after-work drinks or the gym to head home. In Edwards’ experience, being intentional about how you spend your unmasked time can supercharge you after a long day. Think about what spaces and activities feel most energizing. Maybe it’s lying in a dark room or coloring in an adult coloring book. Maybe baths give you life. Anything that helps you feel more regulated or calm is fair game. 

3. Lean on community. 

Masking can make neurodivergent people feel ashamed of their traits or whatever makes them unique. When you’re constantly covering up who you really are, it’s easy to feel like you’ll never be good enough or fit in. That’s where finding people who understand can help, says Lei Wiley Mydske, the community outreach coordinator for the Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network. 

Wiley Mydske says that leaning on others in the autistic community has been a game-changer for them. “When you know a lot of autistic people, you come to the realization that you’re not alone.” And, they add, spending time with like-minded people helps them unlearn the shame they felt about masking: “At some point, it dawned on me, Other people mask too and it’s OK.”  

However you find community, spending more time with other neurodivergent folks can help you feel seen and heard. Social media and online forums are great places to connect with your people. You could join a Facebook group, follow folks with autism on Instagram or TikTok, or just chime in on a Reddit thread.

4. Find new safe spaces.

While online communities are a great place to find connections, meeting like-minded people out in the wild can be even more empowering, says Anita Robertson, LCSW, a therapist who works with ADHD-ers and has ADHD. You could join a theater club, go to a Renaissance festival, or join an improv group. Maybe not everyone there is neurodivergent like you, but your common interests can help foster a safe space outside your home. 

To be clear, you might not feel comfortable fully unmasking in these spaces (at least at first), but you might feel compelled to play with your boundaries more than you might in other situations. “The world can feel so rigid at times, but there are these beautiful, healing environments where people can begin to feel safe being themselves,” Robertson says. 

If you’re looking for a new third space, reach out to people in those online communities to see if there are any IRL groups they like. If their suggestions aren’t a fit, don’t sweat it. But it’s worth a shot, says Robertson.

5. Set some helpful boundaries.

Sometimes trying to blend in keeps you from requesting an assist when you really need it. Sure, it’s tough to ask for an accommodation without revealing your diagnosis. And that’s a problem if opening up about your neurodivergent status doesn’t feel safe. 

In those cases, Edwards suggests finding a middle ground: asking for help without disclosing your origin story. That could look like kindly requesting your coworkers send calendar invites when they want to meet (instead of just swinging by your desk). You can say you’re trying a new productivity hack you read about or you’re behind a major deadline. You don’t need to tell them you’re neurodivergent.

You can get creative coming up with accommodations that don’t fully unmask you—just make sure they’re relatively reasonable and help you in an obvious way. For instance, taking a lunch break away from your desk is probably a thing you can do without even asking. Declining an invite to the work happy hour is another one. If you’re unsure whether your self-imposed accommodation is out of line, check in with your boss over email or DM to get their take. Again, you don’t have to tell them you’re dealing with ADHD or autism. Just let them know it helps you focus, decompress, or whatever else you’re seeking.

6. Experiment with unmasking.

Finding moments to be more of your full self in front of others can feel fortifying, like a release, or even relaxing, says Dr. Gaus. It can also help you feel more confident, says Edwards. “Unmasking took time, but now I’ve found other neurodivergent friends who I feel safe around,” she says. “The more I was myself around them, the more I realized people love me for just being myself.” 

Plus, masking doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing thing. Start by asking yourself, Is unmasking in this environment going to help me or hurt me? Think about the short and long-term consequences. Is your physical safety at risk? What about your job security or even your self-esteem? 

If you’re with people you trust and you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally safe, try peeking out from behind that mask, says Dr. Gaus. You don’t have to fully out yourself or put your neurodivergent traits on display if you don’t want to, but inching toward a more authentic version of you might feel pretty damn good.

The post Masking for Autism and ADHD Is Exhausting—Here’s How to Take Care of Yourself appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 10.18.24

19 Books Everyone With ADHD Should Read

Solid recommendations that will actually keep your attention. ByCarolyn Todd

There’s something about getting diagnosed with ADHD (and having an ADHD brain) that makes you want to devour every book ever written on the topic. At least, that’s how I felt this summer when I was diagnosed: Suddenly consumed by an insatiable appetite to learn whatever I could about something I’d been living with my whole life—but honestly knew very little about. 

Except, I quickly found out that a lot of ADHD books kind of suck. The writing is often dense and dry. Or the chapters are so long that they’re hard to get through. (Know your audience, people!) Or they just didn’t resonate with my personal experience of ADHD. 

I must’ve bought and returned half a dozen ADHD books that either bored me to death or just didn’t speak to me. I wanted something that was informative, sure—but it also had to be readable, relatable, and engaging. Maybe you can relate to my frustrating search, whether you’re newly diagnosed or have known you have ADHD for a long time.

Well, who better to recommend some actually amazing books about ADHD than people who either live with the condition themselves or work closely with people who have it (or both)? I asked ADHDers and ADHD experts for their favorites.

Some of these ADHD books are packed with practical tools or snippets of fascinating science, while others share compassionate reframes or moving personal stories. Many of them are by people who have ADHD themselves. So, if you’re looking for reading material that might help you understand and appreciate your brain a little better, here are some recommendations from people who get it. 

The post 19 Books Everyone With ADHD Should Read appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 10.15.24

Body Doubling Is the Best ADHD Hack You Might Not Be Using

Think of it like the buddy system for your ADHD brain. ByAnna Borges

Even before I’d heard of body doubling, I’ve always known I needed a little extra push to get certain things done. Whether it was calling my mom while I tackled a mountain of dishes or dragging myself to a busy café to write, I knew having someone around made everything feel more doable. I never put much thought into why it worked—I figured maybe I functioned better under pressure or enjoyed a social distraction from my otherwise boring to-do list. (Which is probably not untrue!) 

But when I eventually got an adult ADHD diagnosis and began looking into the advice of the thriving online community, I realized I was doing more than multitasking or even coworking. I was tapping into the power of body doubling—a productivity hack that people with ADHD have embraced (but can be useful for just about anyone who needs a little extra motivation). Ever since then, it’s rare that a week goes by without me hitting up my friends for their unofficial support in getting shit done. 

What is body doubling? 

Body doubling is the practice of having someone—your body double—physically or virtually nearby while you tackle a task. Think of it like having a low-key accountability buddy who’s there to support you as you get stuff done, says Amelia Kelley, PhD, therapist and author of Powered by ADHD. It could be someone hanging out in your room while you clean it, hopping on FaceTime while you make that appointment, or joining you at the gym or grocery store. 

“I’ve even body doubled for clients in session while they send a text that they’ve been dragging their feet on,” Dr. Kelley says. “It’s a way to support another person in accomplishing a task without actually completing it for them.” 

There’s more to effective body doubling than simply being there—more on that later—but for now, let’s skip to the good part: Why does it work so well? For one, it taps into a psychological concept called social facilitation, which is a fancy way of saying we tend to perform better when we’re around other people, says Diane Miller, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in ADHD. “Being witnessed by others creates a low level of anxiety and pressure that’s sometimes needed to stay on task,” she explains. 

As for body doubling for ADHD specifically, Dr. Kelley says it can help with some of our executive function difficulties. “If someone who has ADHD is struggling to motivate or focus, one of the most effective solutions is an increase of dopamine,” Dr. Kelley says, noting that there are several ways to do this, including medication and, yep, socializing. Same with switching up your routine, thanks to how much the ADHD brain loves novelty. “Doing anything out of the ordinary, even if it’s just working in a slightly different way or with a new person, also effectively gives you a boost,” Dr. Kelley says. 

Not to mention, being around people we like can calm down our nervous system, which might be needed depending on how stressed we are about the task at hand. “It helps you motivate and it helps you regulate—that’s the essence of body doubling for ADHD,” Dr. Kelley says.   

She notes there are other interesting theories at play here too, like how mirror neurons—the ones responsible for mimicking others—might be involved, but there’s still a lot we don’t fully understand about why body doubling is so effective. Even so, some researchers recognize it as a community-driven phenomenon that’s been championed by the ADHD and neurodiverse communities as a simple, effective way to get things done without feeling so stuck.

How do you do it? 

Take it from someone who frequently attempts to body double and accidentally winds up just hanging out instead: Effectively body doubling isn’t just about chilling in the same space and hoping the magic happens. Much like productivity in general, you have to set yourself up for success. Here’s how: 

Pick the right partner(s).

Not all body doubles are created equal, says Dr. Miller. Sure, your best friend might be fun to spend time with, but if she’s going to let you slide when you start screwing around, you might want to reconsider. On the other hand, your bestie might be just who you need to keep your spirits up as you slog through paying your bills. There’s nothing wrong with trying it out to see what works, Dr. Miller says—as long as you’re honest with yourself about what actually helps or hurts your productivity. 

If you don’t have anyone willing or able to body double for you—or simply would rather stick to strangers—Dr. Miller recommends virtual platforms like Focusmate, which pairs you with other individuals or groups seeking their own body doubles.

Set an agenda.

Dr. Miller recommends having a clear plan in place before you start. “If you have no idea what you want to accomplish beyond ‘be productive,’ you’re going to sit there trying to figure it out,” she says. Which, let’s be real, can lead to an hour of staring into space. Write down the tasks you want to accomplish, even if they’re super small. And yes, “Send that email” counts as a task. 

Dr. Miller also suggests tapping into other tried-and-true time management tools and productivity hacks to make the most of your body doubling session. In addition to your trusty to-do list, she suggests using timers for short sprints, setting specific time blocks for each task, and breaking larger projects into smaller, more manageable steps. IDK if it’s just me, but it feels a lot easier to stick to the Pomodoro technique when you’re not alone and free to blow off the buzzer whenever it goes off. 

Know your pain points. 

Figuring out when you tend to get stuck can make body doubling more effective. For example, are you someone who struggles to get started on tasks (hello, endless procrastination)? Or maybe you have no problem jumping in, but halfway through, you lose steam and end up scrolling your phone. 

If you know your pain points, you can communicate them to your body double, so they know exactly how to support you, whether it’s keeping watch until you kick things off or encouraging you to see it through to the end. 

Build in accountability.

No need to send your body double copies of your agenda or turn them into a full-on task master—but if your body double knows what you’re trying to accomplish, they can lend a hand in holding you accountable. They don’t have to constantly check in on you (because let’s face it, that can get annoying fast), but a simple “Hey, how’s it going?” or a reminder of what you’re working on can be enough to keep you from getting distracted. 

On that note, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need either, whether that’s, “Can you sit right next to me so I’m less tempted to open useless tabs?” or “Could we take a break every 20 minutes and swap status updates?” Refer back to those pain points we talked about if you’re unsure what might keep you on track. 

Embrace what works.

Body doubling isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution, nor is it an exact science—so what works best will be unique to you, your specific challenges, and how your ADHD manifests, says Dr. Kelley. The key is finding the setup that works for you, and that might take some trial and error. 

Speaking of embracing what works, Dr. Kelley also encourages people not to be embarrassed or ashamed—an unfortunately common experience when living with and managing ADHD. Yes, it’s frustrating when seemingly simple tasks feel Herculean—like why do I need a babysitter to send an email?—but here’s the thing: There’s nothing wrong with using tools to make our lives easier. 

The post Body Doubling Is the Best ADHD Hack You Might Not Be Using appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 09.17.24

12 Life Hacks for Anyone Who’s Always Distracted

Go ahead! Reward yourself for paying attention! BySam Brodsky

We’ve all been there. You sit down to check your embarrassingly full inbox and, within seconds, you get distracted. Your coworker sends you a funny TikTok, which turns into you scrolling for five (OK, 30) minutes. You finally get back to your inbox, only to remember the doctor’s appointment you have in less than 24 hours—and what better time than the present to fill out that pre-visit paperwork? Of course they need your emergency contact info, so you open up your phone to grab a number and see a text from your friend. Another half hour goes by before you remember what you were supposed to be doing. 

Not being able to focus on the task in front of you is super frustrating and highly relatable. Case in point: I literally wrote this intro halfway through a workout when I (you guessed it) got distracted! So, let’s discuss why you might be getting so distracted, how lack of focus can impact your mental health, and what you can do about it.

Here’s why you’re getting distracted.

You might have trouble focusing for lots of different reasons. The obvious ones are external distractions, like constant phone notifications or your neighbor’s loud music, and internal distractions such as stress spirals that can make it hard to concentrate, says licensed clinical psychologist Jessica Stern, PhD, a member of the Wondermind Advisory Committee. And having certain mental health conditions like anxiety or ADHD can make it even harder to ignore distracting sounds, smells, and thoughts, says licensed clinical psychologist Abigail Levrini, PhD, author of Succeeding with Adult ADHD. 

When it comes to ADHD, people with this diagnosis usually have issues with executive functioning skills—staying organized, time management, and decision-making (hello, ADHD paralysis), Dr. Levrini explains. “Think of an ADHD brain as a really sleepy CEO who can barely keep her eyes open to do the work,” she says. This can make it difficult to focus.

And with anxiety disorders (and anxiety in general), you’re all up in your head. It’s hard to pay attention to a work project or tune in to a convo when you’re ruminating about the past or catastrophizing about the future, explains Dr. Stern. Your worries might be distracting you, or you may not be able to focus because  you’re too tired from worrying, she adds.

You can also get easily distracted if you have other mental health conditions like depression or bipolar disorder, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). 

Diagnoses aside, you can just get distracted because there are a million things fighting for your attention at any given time. And, sometimes, we get in our own way. We distract ourselves  when we feel overwhelmed, stressed, or bored, finding other things to do or think about to avoid uncomfortable emotions, says Dr. Stern. Taking on too much at once and not sleeping enough can hurt our focus too, says licensed psychologist Carey Heller, PsyD, who specializes in treating ADHD and problems with executive functioning.

No matter why you’re getting distracted, focus issues really suck and can make you feel embarrassed, inadequate, and disconnected. It can also lead to miscommunication, which can affect your relationships big time. All of this is to say that it makes sense if you want to do something about how often you are distracted. (I’m probably bookmarking this article for myself!) 

How to deal when you’re distracted. 

Outside of seeing a professional—like a doctor for your sleep issues or a mental health pro who can help you manage anxiety or ADHD with coping skills and/or meds—there are things you can do on your own. Here are some simple ways you can be better at dealing with distractions and get focused faster. 

1. Reduce external distractions. 

This might seem like a no-brainer, but a somewhat easy thing to do when you can’t focus is to eliminate distractions to the best of your ability, says Dr. Stern. If your phone is flooded with texts, put it on silent or hide it across the room. If you have too many tabs open, close them. If people are being loud, move somewhere else, put on headphones, or ask them  to GTFO. Whatever’s standing in your way of concentrating is fair game.

2. Pull out some coping skills for whatever’s bugging you.

If the distraction is a little more complex, like you’re caught up in your worries, then reducing your anxiety in the moment can help you focus, says Dr. Stern. You can do different things to manage your anxiety, but Dr. Stern suggests going for a walk, listening to music you love, and writing down your thoughts on paper. Basically, do anything that’s going to be self-soothing or an outlet for your emotions, she says.

3. Do the thing you can’t stop thinking about. 

Let’s say you’re in the middle of an assignment and all you can think about is calling your insurance company. In that situation, pausing to make the call (if you can realistically step away from what you’re doing) might actually help you come back more focused. “If something’s eating away at you and you have the ability to just take care of it and then not have to worry about it … it’s probably worth getting it out of the way,” notes Dr. Heller. It’s going to relieve some of the anxiety you were distracted by in the first place. 

4. Make a list. 

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by what you have to do that you just can’t start anything? Or, you feel stuck not really knowing where  to start? Making any type of to-do list (on paper or in your Notes app) can help you focus because it organizes your tasks, says Dr. Heller. Here are some to-do list structures that Dr. Heller suggests when you’re trying to plan out your day. Try one, combine two, or do whatever works for you: 

• Write out a task with specific times you’re going to do each thing
• Order your list by what’s most important to get done
• Separate your list into things that require the most and the least amount of energy 
• Put some small tasks first so that you can build up momentum for the bigger stuff
• Break up big tasks on your to-do list into smaller parts so they seem more manageable

5. Find your motivation. 

Sometimes we’re easily distracted because we literally do not care about the task at hand. And while it might seem hard to find a deeper motivation for going through your inbox or paying your bills, Dr. Heller explains that focusing on why  you’re doing this thing can give you the push you need to keep going. Responding to emails keeps you organized and in the loop! Taking care of bills makes you responsible and free of late fees!

Another way to unearth your motivation from the depths of boredom—and resist distractions—is promising yourself a reward for paying attention, Dr. Heller says. So, maybe you vow to watch an episode of Selling Sunset  or play Wordle after you do homework or write thank-you cards you’ve been avoiding for weeks.

6. Ground yourself. 

When you can’t concentrate on a report because your phone’s sucking you in or you’re caught up in your thoughts, a grounding exercise can bring you into the present moment, says Dr. Levrini. Use it as a reset to help you transition from what’s distracting you to what you should be focusing on. There are tons of different grounding or mindfulness exercises to choose from, but here are three that Dr. Levrini suggests when you’re distracted: 

• 5-4-3-2-1: Name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
• Categories: Pick categories (like movies, animals, and colors) and list as many items as you can in them.
• Muscle relaxation: Focus on tightening your fists, your shoulders, or other muscles for 10 seconds, then unclench for 10 seconds. Pay attention to how it feels to clench and release. 

7. Take breaks.

For anything that requires a lot of brain power, breaking up that task into designated work sessions with scheduled breaks in between can help you focus more easily because you aren’t as burnt out, says Dr. Heller. One popular method is repeating 25 minutes of work followed by a five-minute break, called the Pomodoro method. But Dr. Heller says you can choose any structure where you’re doing work in chunks and taking phone, meditation, or walk breaks to help you pay better attention. 

8. Take notes.

If you find your mind wandering to Chappell Roan lyrics in the middle of a meeting, taking notes can help. This one might sound pretty obvious, but writing stuff down automatically means you’ll have to pay closer attention to what’s being said. “You’re actively processing the information you’re receiving in the moment,” explains Dr. Heller. 

You can also take ~mental~ notes if you struggle to focus in settings where it would be weird to whip out a pen and paper. Just imagining that you’d want to remember the conversation or be able to summarize it later can help you focus better, adds Dr. Heller. 

9. Set work and relaxation boundaries.

Feeling your focus slowly leave your body while working from bed or the couch is too real. All you can think about is that TV in the corner or the comfy pillows calling your name. Enter: designated work spaces that train your brain to recognize when it’s time to focus, says Dr. Heller. 

You don’t necessarily need to have an office set-up in another room—that’s not realistic for plenty of people. You can have a special chair or space when you’re doing assignments or taking meetings vs. watching shows and napping, Dr. Heller notes. Try it out, and see if setting this boundary helps. 

10. Have designated text and email time.

I don’t know about you, but having so much to check throughout the day—texts, calls, emails—can make me feel like my mind is going in a hundred different directions. Even if you’re not responding, seeing those things come through pulls your focus away from what you’re doing and also leaves you quietly thinking about how you’ll reply later, says Dr. Heller. So, if silencing notifications isn’t enough for you, you can have set times throughout the day where you know you’ll dedicate 10, 15, or however many minutes to your phone or email, he says. You might feel less anxious doing other stuff knowing that tech time is coming up. 

11. Just start the hard thing.

Have you ever pivoted hard when you sat down to do something and it felt way too intimidating or overwhelming? In a scenario like this, tackling a tiny bit of your task can help you see that you can actually get it done. Do whatever part of it feels like low-hanging fruit, says Dr. Stern. If you have a paper to write, for example, type out ideas in bullet points to get your mind going, she notes. Or, maybe flag a few design ideas before you start making online baby shower invites for a friend. “Once you have taken that [first] step, it can be much easier to keep going,” agrees Dr. Levrini. 

12. Do one thing at a time.

If focusing your attention on too many things stresses you out, you aren’t alone. Sure, sometimes multitasking helps with time management, but it can also make you feel scatter-brained. “A good multitasker is just someone who is able to switch their attention back and forth to different things very quickly and efficiently,” notes Dr. Levrini. That said, it can be hard for a lot of people, especially those with ADHD, to toggle between tasks and regain focus, she explains. They waste time pivoting when they could be zooming in on what they’re trying to do. If you struggle with this, creating blocks of time for just one assignment or chore can help you get stuff done and concentrate, she says.  

The post 12 Life Hacks for Anyone Who’s Always Distracted appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 07.31.24

7 Surprising Ways ADHD Can Impact Your Sex Life

Sensory overload, anyone? ByAnna Borges

When I first learned I had ADHD, I had a lot of catching up to do. Armed with a new diagnosis, I started connecting the dots of why I struggled to keep up at work, hold down the fort at home, and generally stay on top of my shit the way so many friends were able to. But among the common adult ADHD diagnosis revelations I had, one thing I didn’t consider for a long time? How it showed up in my sex life. ADHD, as I first understood it, mostly wreaked havoc on practical, mundane tasks—what could it have to do with sex? 

Well, potentially a lot, it turns out. “We bring all of ourselves to our relationships and our sexual encounters, including our ADHD,” says psychologist Ari Tuckman, PsyD. And when ADHD involves symptoms like difficulty paying attention and impulsivity, it’s not hard to imagine what that might look like in the bedroom. 

That said, it’s important not to point and exclaim “ADHD!” at your every behavior, sexual or otherwise. Instead, Diane Miller, PsyD, recommends approaching the topic with curiosity and openness, seeking possible connections instead of definitive answers to: Is this an ADHD thing or nah? “That mindset leaves space to understand the unique challenges and strengths that come with having ADHD and being in a sexual relationship, while still recognizing the many other factors that also impact your sexuality,” she says.

This is especially true given the many different ways ADHD can manifest, both in subtype (predominantly inattentive ADHD, predominantly hyperactive-impulsive presentation, and combined presentation) as well as personal differences. In other words? Your ADHD is as unique as your relationship with sex, and so is how the two intersect. 

With all that in mind, let’s talk about ADHD and sex, baby!

1. You might be, shall we say…extra interested in sex. 

When compared to the general population, research shows that people with ADHD express more of what Dr. Tuckman dubs “sexual eagerness.” In researching his book ADHD After Dark, he found ADHDers rated themselves higher than their non-ADHD counterparts on “10 out of 12 survey questions that had anything to do with sexual eagerness,” like how often they desired sex and how easily they got in the mood for it. And while there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, a 2020 review of studies related to ADHD and sexual function flagged a similar pattern. 

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact factors at play, but Dr. Miller says one explanation might be our general pleasure-seeking tendencies. Because people with ADHD often have lower levels of dopamine—a neurotransmitter that plays a major role in the brain’s feel-good systems—you might be drawn to behaviors that boost it, like shopping, eating junk food, playing video games, and, yep, having sex, masturbating, and watching porn. 

“You might not be thinking about the levels of transmitters in your brain—you just have moments where you’re not feeling the greatest and you seek out ways to soothe yourself and feel better,” Dr. Miller explains.

2. But you may not be super satisfied with your sex life.

Now the bummer: The same literature review that flagged our sexual eagerness also found that ADHDers tend to report lower sexual satisfaction than the general population does. That might have to do with specific ADHD struggles in the bedroom (we’ll get to those in a bit), as well as a lack of understanding and communication. 

“ADHD can influence sexual experiences and behaviors in ways that we might not immediately notice,” Dr. Miller says. “It takes awareness of how it impacts you to develop healthier and more satisfying sexual relationships.”

ADHD can also interfere with your ability to make your dream sex life a reality. For example, wanting sex doesn’t always mean you’re actually having it. And if you’ve ever experienced ADHD paralysis, you know what we’re talking about. Dr. Tuckman notes how executive dysfunction—difficulty with planning, organizing, and following through on tasks—can interfere with everything from finding time to have sex with your current partner(s) to meeting people you want to have sex with in the first place. 

3. You might be more adventurous than others. 

People with ADHD often crave novelty, which can translate into a more adventurous sexual appetite—or, at least, more willingness to explore. “The ADHD brain loves stimulation, and this can make routine sexual scripts feel boring,” says Taylor Kravitz, LMFT, a therapist who specializes in sex therapy and works with plenty of neurodivergent clients. “I’ve seen a huge overlap with neurodivergence and alternative expressions of sexuality, including kink and activities with higher levels of stimulation.”

This trend isn’t only anecdotal, BTW. One survey found that people with ADHD reported broader sexual interests, including everything from BDSM to sex parties. 

4. Distraction is a struggle.

Probably the least surprising thing on this list, right? ADHD can interfere with your ability to stay grounded in the moment, whether you get lost in your own head (what’s on my to-do list again?) or pulled away to external stimuli (omg what is this song?). 

“ADHD makes it hard to filter all the various inputs, meaning it’s hard to pay attention to just one thing,” Dr. Miller says. “Instead, your brain is open to everything that’s happening.” As a result, you might struggle to enjoy yourself or reach orgasm, since our bodies often take cues from our brain when it comes to getting off.

Dr. Tuckman notes that sometimes we can get in our heads about being distracted too, like assuming our inability to pay attention is a reflection of the sex itself. And while it can be—not all sex is drown-the-world-out amazing, OK!—it’s not a reason to freak out. “Distractibility during sex is not uncommon in general, and it certainly doesn’t indicate that there’s a problem with the sex or relationship itself,” he says. 

5. Sensory overload is a thing.

You probably don’t need me to tell you that sex is a highly sensory experience (sights! smells! tastes! sounds! textures!)—but you might not know how overwhelming that can be for folks with ADHD, who often have sensory sensitivities. 

“Sensory overload can lead to avoidance of sex or a feeling of not enjoying it,” says Kravitz. “Your nervous system basically gets overwhelmed, and you might feel panicky or anxious or even dissociated.” 

What you find pleasurable vs. unpleasurable might not be the most consistent, either. “I’ve had folks talk about how one type of touch is amazing one day but intolerable the next,” Dr. Miller says. “So it’s helpful to pay attention to the various ways and times your senses might react differently to stimulation.”

6. You might be more susceptible to risky sexual behavior. 

So, here’s the thing: A lot of sexual behaviors that get dubbed “risky” in scientific literature—like having multiple sexual partners, sleeping with people you barely know, or making impulsive sexual decisions—can be totally fine in context. “It depends on how you feel about it, how you approach it, and how it works out,” he says. But it’s worth noting that some studies have found higher rates of these behaviors and other sex-related risks (like sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies) in people with ADHD. 

According to Dr. Tuckman, this doesn’t sit squarely on the shoulders of impulsivity or hypersexuality—ADHD might pave the way for negative consequences of sex way before the sex itself. “The disorganization, forgetfulness, and procrastination associated with ADHD can set up situations where it’s difficult to make responsible decisions,” he says. Think: Forgetting to pack condoms, get the STI talk out of the way, or clarify what you want sexually when you’re not thinking with your horny brain. 

7. Your meds might give you an assist…or not. 

Sexual side effects aren’t common with ADHD meds but it’s still worth paying attention to the indirect ways they can support or derail your sexual experiences. For example, if you take an immediate-release stimulant, you might end up zeroing in on the first thing that catches your attention, whether that’s knocking out some chores or… falling down a porn rabbit hole, says Dr. Miller.

On the flip side, some people find their medication helps them stay present during sexual encounters, while others don’t really feel a difference. “People react differently to their medication, so we can’t make a general recommendation,” Dr. Tuckman says. “But if you find it helps with focus and pleasure, try to have your sexual encounters when your medication is active. If you feel like it makes it worse and you wind up hyperfocusing on the wrong things, you can do the opposite.”

The bottom line: ADHD might sometimes interfere with your sex life in frustrating ways, but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing—in fact, embracing that part of you can be key. “Understanding the way that ADHD impacts your sex life is crucial because it allows for more effective communication and connection with partners, as well as self-compassion and exploration,” Dr. Miller says.

The post 7 Surprising Ways ADHD Can Impact Your Sex Life appeared first on Wondermind.