Pro Tips Link Copied 03.20.25

Your Spring Self-Care Horoscope

No judgment for that Mercury retrograde-based mental health day. ByLisa Stardust

Welcome to spring 2025! While the vibes are mixed, per usual, the planets will give us the opportunity to learn, grow, and change for the better. Those adjustments aren’t always easy, but there are plenty of ways to take care of yourself through the chaos. Here’s what we’re in for once the spring equinox hits on March 20th.

We begin the astrological year of 2025 as we always do, with Aries season. And this one starts with a bang. More specifically, we’ll be in the thick of two major planetary retrogrades. 

Venus, which has been retrograde since March 1st, continues to backslide. On March 27th, the planet ruling romantic love and creativity enters the sign of Pisces, heightening emotions and making us extra sensitive until April 12th. 

Mercury retrograde has also been causing a ruckus since March 15th. And on March 29th, the planet of communication and technology moonwalks into intuitive Pisces. Despite the mess, this is a good time to listen to your gut as you process new information. 

On the same day Mercury enters Pisces, we’ll have a solar eclipse in Aries. Unlike the lunar eclipse in Virgo on March 14th, which asked us to lean into mindfulness, the solar eclipse in Aries is all about action. Don’t be surprised if an eclipse-fueled shake-up inspires you to pursue the things you’ve wanted for a while. 

On March 30th, Neptune, the planet of spirituality and idealism, also enters fiery Aries. That transit invites us to fight for our dreams and do the self-discovery work it takes to learn more about ourselves. 

Taurus season commences on April 19th, allowing us to embrace our creativity. Some of us might even see our hard work finally pay off.

Once we get to May, our sights will be set on ~healing~ as Pluto begins its five-month retrograde, starting on the 4th. This is a great time to look back on the last several months and think about how far we’ve come and what still needs our attention. If you allow yourself to get into your feels, it can be a very cathartic period. 

Then on May 20th, we kick off Gemini season and welcome more playful vibes.

Austere Saturn, known for its strict nature, moves into Aries on May 24th, urging us to be more assertive. It’s a good time to ensure you’re taking all the necessary measures to reach your goals. 

Starting June 9th, Jupiter, who’s been traveling through the sign of Gemini for the first half of 2025, swims into Cancer. And the planet of expansion and luck is happy there. This will be the perfect opportunity to tune into our emotions and offer compassion to those who need it (including ourselves).

JSYK, how these planetary transits impact you depends on your birth chart, or a map of the planets that shows where they were in relation to your time and place of birth. 

Below, you can see what all this means for you based on your sun sign or your rising sign—both good indicators of how these will affect you. Plus, you’ll get insights on the best way to take care of yourself while it all goes down.  

Aries

As a fire sign, it’s easy for you to push through, be bold, and keep up appearances by default. But with all the transits happening in your sun sign this March (Venus retrograde, Mercury retrograde, and the solar eclipse), it’s time to shift gears. 

Your self-care assignment is vulnerability. Be honest about your feelings, ask for help, and try to go with the flow. It’s not easy, but rethinking how you respond to change can help you redefine the terms of your life and make new rules. 

Taurus 

The Venus retrograde wants you to reassess your friendships, Taurus. Once your ruling planet (Venus) ends its backward spin in Pisces on April 12th, you’ll likely find that the quality of your people is more important than the quantity. 

Still, it’s important for you to show up for those you care about too. This spring, think about the ways you can care for the people you love. How can you be more supportive, nurturing, and compassionate? Taking care of your community is a way to care for yourself. 

Gemini 

Ah, Mercury retrograde. When the planet that rules communication, technology, and your sun heads backward, it’s never easy. This time around, from March 15th to April 7th, you’ll feel as chaotic as ever. 

During this time of tech fails and miscommunications, do your best to reflect on how things have been going. Getting grounded via park walks and journaling could be just what you need to get your bearings. Don’t be surprised if this Mercury retrograde delivers new ideas. 

Cancer  

Your career is the focus of this season, Cancer. And while you might be on a path toward attaining major status in your field, you’ll first need to reassess whether your job and values align. The solar eclipse on March 29th and the Mercury and Venus retrogrades are all asking you to do exactly that. Think about your professional visions for the future, your life goals, and whether the road you’re on still makes sense. 

Take these next couple of months to reflect on what you want. By June 9th, when expansive Jupiter enters your sun sign, you’ll have the clarity you need to see those goals through. 

In the meantime, reflecting on what’s important to you, or your values, can usher in some clarity. Spend time journaling or just chatting with a friend about the stuff you’d like to prioritize moving forward. 

Leo

Don’t freak out, but Pluto is here to help you evolve this spring. When the planet of secrets, transformation, and healing goes retrograde on May 4th, feelings you’ve avoided may start to resurface. 

Take this time to rethink how you deal with big emotions. Are you proactively journaling, talking to trusted friends, or seeing a mental health professional? Or are you pushing it all down and hoping for the best?

If it’s the latter, this is your chance to find coping skills that will help you process and manage feelings like jealousy and anger. 

Virgo 

It’s been a lot lately, Virgo. The lunar eclipse in your sun sign on March 14th, the Mercury retrograde in Aries and Pisces, and the Venus retrograde (also in Aries) have shaken things up for you. 

It’s exhausting, but it’s also an opportunity for you to reflect on the types of relationships you want in your life and your communication skills. Looking back is often one of the best ways to move forward. 

Plus, the Aries solar eclipse on March 29th will give you the opportunity (and the energy) to shake off whatever isn’t working. 

As you settle into this new chapter, set some goals for yourself. How do you want this new astrological year to feel? How can you accomplish that?  

Libra 

Venus and Mercury’s retrograde through Aries this spring is hitting your house of partnerships hard. Whether it’s your business partner, your best friend, or your romantic partner, March is a great time to rethink those relationships. 

The solar eclipse in Aries in early March only amplified the drama and likely made you realize how important emotional intimacy is. Love that for you, Libra.

While finding moments of closeness in those tight relationships is important, don’t forget about the one with yourself. Prioritize quality alone time when you can, and get to know yourself as well as you know your loved ones. 

Scorpio

When Pluto, your ruling planet, retrogrades on May 4th, it’s time to embrace the things you don’t love about yourself. As the planet of secrets, transformation, and hidden truths, the Pluto retrograde wants you to reconsider what you hide from the world.

This is the perfect time to do a little shadow work, acknowledging the parts of yourself that feel embarrassing, shameful, or imperfect and embracing them (within reason). 

You could try to speak up for yourself even though you’re afraid of being too much. Or tell someone you trust something you’ve been ashamed about. Whatever you do, make self-compassion the priority. 

Sagittarius 

Jupiter in Gemini, the sign opposite your sun, may be dimming your shine, Sag. Since the planet of expansion and progress will remain there until June 9th, these last few months of the transit are asking you to take stock of all the good stuff in your life. 

Between now and June, start a regular gratitude practice. Making lists of what went well today, naming all the things you’re thankful for before bed, or celebrating your wins—even the ones you’d normally shrug off are all fair game. Relish your accomplishments. Savor the moments that spark joy.

Capricorn 

When Jupiter enters Cancer on June 9th, you can expect to see big changes in your love life. This is the time to be clear about what you want in romantic and platonic relationships and suss out anyone who isn’t throwing green flags. 

To get started, think about the things you value most in yourself, in other people, and in relationships in general. Taking stock of what’s important to you will help clarify who’s aligned and who isn’t—and they’re also a great self-discovery tool.

Aquarius 

With Pluto retrograde in your sun sign from May 4th to October 13th, the next several months are centered on reflection. More specifically, think about the ways you’ve felt slighted and the times when you may have hurt someone else. 

See if there’s an opportunity for you to forgive the people who messed up, including yourself. You’re more than your mistakes. Taking time to sit with what happened and how you feel about it can help you move forward. See if you find a new perspective. 

Pisces

When Jupiter enters your co-water sign, Cancer, on June 9th, you’ll slip into your “No thank you” era. As a chronic people pleaser, Jupiter’s expansive powers are here to help you take up space by prioritizing your own needs. 

Practice setting boundaries this season, Pisces. You can start small, like declining an invite you’d last-minute cancel anyway or waiting an hour before responding to a text. You don’t have to feel guilty for creating limits.

The post Your Spring Self-Care Horoscope appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.14.25

15 Tips for Making a Routine You’ll Actually Stick To

Step one: Do it for you…not your social media. ByLexi Inks Additional reporting bySam Brodsky

You might know people who lift weights, make breakfast, work on their novel, and probably contemplate world domination all before sunrise. Or maybe you’ve seen the GRWM and “5 to 9 after my 9 to 5” videos on your social feed. Maybe you’ve spiraled (as one does) about how to create a routine of your own—and here we are!

While your regimen doesn’t have to be that  intense, building a daily routine of any kind can help you meet your goals, stay organized, and stress less about making decisions, explains therapist Risa Williams, LMFT, author of Get Stuff Done Without the Stress  and a professor at Pepperdine University. Plus, creating a routine can give you a sense of control that enables you to cope with chaos, says therapist Sachiko Tate, LCSW. Something you can relate to these days, perhaps?

If you want to learn how to build a routine, these therapist-backed tips will get you started.

1. Be your own motivation.

While those GRWM videos are weirdly satisfying, attempting to live your life like one is much less so. That’s because we can’t count on cheers, likes, or even envy from others to fuel our habits, says Williams. Instead, we need internal sources of motivation to fuel this new routine. Maybe you want to feel more in control of your day or less rushed before and after work. Those are the kinds of goals that can feed your self-esteem and confidence, she adds. 

2. Set intentions you can crush.

The most important part of creating a routine is identifying the goals you want to work toward. Once you know that, it’ll be easier to pinpoint the habits that’ll get you there. And it’s never a bad thing to make those goals very realistic. Because if you feel like the outcome of your new habits is doable, it’s easier to believe in yourself. Then, you may be more motivated to keep going, says psychotherapist Samantha Zhu, LMHC.

Another way to set the bar lower on this whole fresh routine thing (in a good way!) is by giving yourself a chill timeline to achieve your goals. Having ample time to adjust to new habits can help you begin and maintain an effective routine, says licensed psychologist David Tzall, PsyD. Let’s say your goal is to develop an online presence across multiple social platforms so you can get your dream social media job. If you currently stink at posting regularly, don’t set out to hard-launch your new vibe within a month. Instead, focus your routine on posting more consistently to IG and build your content creation cadence from there. Then, you can progress to developing a routine that helps you post regularly on all platforms. 

3. Create a feelings goal.

While goal-setting can look like listing out tangible achievements, like “I want to read the whole Dune  series by the end of summer,” you can and should  think about your emotional goals too, aka what feelings  you hope to have more of by following this routine, Tate says. If you want to read more books because you feel like you should  be reading more, then please see yourself back to step one. But if you want to get your Dune  series on as a way to quiet your mind and feel more peaceful before bed, keeping that feeling goal in mind can help you stick with it when a Netflix binge is calling to you. 

4. Write down your goals and how you’re going to reach them.

Routines serve as a roadmap for getting to your goals (what you want to do or feel), but if you don’t write down your goals and the routine you’ll use to accomplish it, you risk not following through. Zhu’s recommendation? Use a simple checklist or get creative with a calendar or another visual tool (like a bullet journal or habit tracker) to keep track of your habits. You might need to make lists and write things down several times in order to make them “stick” in your mind.

As for the emotional and tangible goals you’re working toward, keeping a journal to get honest about how it’s going can help you see how you’re progressing and if you’ve noticed an improvement.

5. Start with the bare minimum.

Even if you’re very motivated to feel less crazed in the mornings or to get some screenless downtime before bed, that doesn’t always seem important when your alarm goes off or Netflix queues up another episode. You can’t always count on your “why” to keep up with your new habits, which makes starting or restarting a routine hard, says Williams. 

That’s when you can reach for the smallest, easiest task and begin building momentum. Williams calls this “activation energy.” It’s the “bare minimum amount of energy required to get you moving,” she explains.

Once you’ve gotten started by, say, getting up to brush your teeth instead of hitting snooze again, you’re more likely to keep going. You could also lay out your clothes and shoes for your run the night before or place an open book on your couch.

6. Give yourself options.

Having different strategies for accomplishing a goal can make it less intimidating. That’s why a “grab bag” of options is the way to go, says Williams. For example, say you’re writing a memoir. Amazing! But writing 1,000 words a day may not be realistic when you’re low on energy. So, maybe you have a few lower-lift strategies to get you closer to your goal. That could be brainstorming the next chapter or looking at nostalgic photos. “As humans, we have to be flexible. Every day you wake up, your energy and focus are different. So you have to constantly be recalibrating,” Williams says.

7. Focus on your own progress.

Sorry to tell you, but comparing your progress to someone else’s will not help your routine, says Williams. Perhaps your goal is to read one book a month. Yay for you! Getting down on yourself for not keeping up with a BookTok-er who reads an entire series in a week will just make you feel like crap. How motivating is that?

Think of it this way: They’re doing them, and you’re doing you. Plus, you don’t know their life or what they have to sacrifice to accomplish that goal. “Sometimes the people posting all that stuff are very stressed out, and they are one step away from burnout,” Williams notes. “You just don’t see that.”

8. Make the most of your free time.

One helpful way to create consistent, effective routines without going to bed before your fave comfort show airs or waking up at the crack of dawn is to fit new habits into open slots in your schedule, says licensed psychologist Jaci Lopez Witmer, PsyD. 

If you’ve been wanting to spend more time with your friend down the street but can’t bring yourself to go out on a Friday night, see if you can squeeze in recurring walks with them on Sunday evenings after grocery shopping and before your weekly Sunday scaries pampering routine. Whatever your ideal situation might be, see where those new tasks fit most seamlessly into your schedule. 

9. Focus on consistency.

This might shock you, but the actual tasks and timing associated with your new routine aren’t as big of a deal as the fact that you’re making goals and sticking with them, says Dr. Tzall. “Consistency is most important.” 

So even if your ~rituals~ entail flossing your teeth before bed, tracking your sleep, and having a glass of water at noon every day, repeatedly returning to those (even if you miss a few days) can come with a sense of accomplishment, an elevated mood, confidence, and motivation. Keeping that in mind can also take the pressure off of feeling like you need to execute a complicated routine perfectly every single day, Tate explains.

Of course, staying consistent looks different for every person, Tate adds. So if planning out every hour of your day works for you long-term, cool! But if you need more flexibility and just want to commit to a 15-minute mental health walk once a week, that works too.  

10. Lean on your people.

If you’re just starting out and are struggling to build consistency, consider tapping your community for help. “Telling another [person about] your routine or taking a person along can make you more accountable and give you motivation,” Dr. Tzall says. Just like you get up and go to work because someone expects you to be there (and your livelihood probably depends on it), having someone remind you why you started this new routine can make a huge difference. “Social influence can be a strong motivator,” he adds.

Having someone with you or on FaceTime while you’re on a walk, meal prepping, or organizing your closet is often referred to as body doubling, notes Williams. And it can 100% keep you accountable.

11. Don’t forget to be your own cheerleader. 

Discipline does not mean punishing yourself when you slip up. It’s about showing up for yourself even when you don’t feel like it and your goal feels so far away, says Tate.

If you’re feeling discouraged about your progress, return to your journal or just think of how you wanted to feel by committing to these habits when you started. Revisiting your initial goals can encourage you to get back on track. You’re not always going to be excited to drink more water or go on that hike you had planned—and that’s OK! Reference how you want to feel instead of harping on the blah-ness you’re experiencing in the present moment, Tate says.

Celebrating small wins and having visual reminders of your “why” can also keep your morale up, notes Tate. Give yourself a mental or literal high-five for getting outside 10 minutes before it rained. Put encouraging messages on your mirror or set them as your phone’s background. Make a vision board. Whatever feels like you’re cheering yourself on!

12. Embrace a different type of reward. 

One of the most feel-good motivators for sticking with a routine is rewarding yourself when you follow through. But while it’s important to celebrate your progress (whether it’s with a spa day, an extra 30 minutes of TV time, or a long shower), the external stuff is only helpful to a certain degree, Tate explains. The reward that sparks the most motivation (we’re sorry to report) is making progress toward your emotional and tangible goals. Yeah, it’s annoying news, but it is the truth. If you’ve been consistent with your routine, you’ll probably notice that you’re inching closer to those goals, whether it’s feeling calmer before bedtime or having more structure throughout your workday.

13. Keep it balanced.

When you’re laser-focused on your routine, it can be hard to stay flexible with your time and energy. In order to take care of our mental well-being and avoid burnout, you have to find a balance between structure and spontaneity with your time. “We need to have a little bit of both,” says licensed clinical social worker Julia López, PhD, MPH, LCSW. So even if you’re running with your pup three times a week or meditating for 20 minutes every morning, don’t forget to make a point to do unstructured chilling that has nothing to do with your goals or routine. 

A routine should bring you a sense of calm, peace, and stability, so if it’s making you feel even more stressed or out of control, think about whether your plan is too strict or it’s just not exciting you anymore or if it’s really necessary to reach your goals, Tate suggests.  

14. Be gentle with yourself. 

When you deviate from your routine and struggle to tap into your discipline, have a little empathy for yourself. “We can often feel like failing to follow our routine equates to [personal] failure,” says Zhu. And if you consider yourself a big loser for missing a day or even a week, then you might just give up altogether, derailing your routine before you even get the consistency machine in motion. It’s completely fine to take a break, whether you meant to or not. If you feel like this routine is making a positive impact on your life, the important thing is to get after it again.

15. Adjust as needed. 

As exciting and invigorating as it can feel to consistently stick to your routines, making space for adjustments can keep you from burning out. “If sticking with a routine is not effective or is too stressful, then you need to give yourself permission to say, ‘Let me try something else.’ Giving yourself grace to step back and evaluate how it is working for you is healthy for your mental well-being,” Dr. Tzall says.

If it’s hard for you to assess your feelings about your routine while you’re in the thick of it, you can hit pause for a few days or weeks, says Williams. Say you’ve been obsessively meal prepping on weekends. Take a breather this time around. If making lunches the night before or buying $20 salads stresses you out more, then you know what to do. Still, if dedicating your entire Sunday to feeding Future You really isn’t working, try buying groceries and making lunches on different days. Or make less and supplement with a couple of overpriced salads every week. Be honest about what you need, and experiment to find what works best for you.

The post 15 Tips for Making a Routine You’ll Actually Stick To appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.06.25

10 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Insecure

1) You are fun and cool. 2) These hacks are gonna make you believe that. ByLauren Del Turco Additional reporting bySam Brodsky

Whether you’re feeling insecure about your outfit or your face or that thing you said in a meeting, we get it. Insecurity can pop up in response to pretty much anything, says therapist Sarah Trepp, LCSW. And while we’d love to tell you how to stop being insecure for good, that’s not totally realistic (since new insecurities can pop up at any time). But you can learn to better manage this feeling when it surfaces and boost your self-esteem. 

So, what exactly is insecurity? Basically, it’s when you feel inadequate and not confident in yourself, according to the American Psychological Association. And, it’s paired with “general uncertainty and anxiety about one’s goals, abilities, or relationships with others.”

You might have noticed that when you feel insecure, you avoid certain situations or make decisions that aren’t really in your best interest, says therapist Amalia Miralrío, LCSW, founder of Amity Detroit Counseling. “Left unchecked, insecurities can limit our capacity to live our lives authentically,” Miralrío explains. “They can limit our ability to take risks in relationships, at school, or at work, as well as in our self-expression. They can stop us from speaking up, showing up on a date, or communicating our feelings.”

Just think about when you didn’t apply to a job that you may have gotten—all because you doubted yourself—or you skipped a networking event because you’ve always been convinced your small talk sucks. 

Insecurity may be screwing with your ability to live up to your full potential, but you’re not a lost cause, we promise! With the expert-backed tips ahead, you can reframe negative thoughts and build self-confidence so insecurity doesn’t cut so deep.

Remember, it’s not possible to stop being insecure for the rest of your life. You are not a robot! But you can  learn to cope better when you’re feeling insecure. Here’s how.

1. Allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole.

“Sometimes pushing insecurities away only makes them stronger,” says Miralrío. So instead of dismissing them, it can be helpful to use them as “signals” indicating areas of your life that could use some TLC. For example, if doubting your abilities is getting in the way of your novel-writing goals, dig deeper to see what could be triggering this idea that you’re not good enough. What’s the worst thing people could think or say about your writing? What importance does that have to you? Turning towards the discomfort and looking your insecurity square in the face is a necessary first step in eventually melting it away.

2. Find the lesson in comparison.

You can’t just turn off your brain when you see an IG post about the dream house someone landed (that’s also your  dream house). But, when you’re getting down on yourself for not being or doing “enough,” it’s important to put things in perspective.

There are two things you can do to reframe those comparison woes. Instead of ruminating over living in a shitty one-bedroom apartment while your high school acquaintance is flooding your feed with beautiful HGTV-style videos of their new home, take a beat. That’s insecurity talking! Then, think about this: You don’t know everything about this person’s life, especially when their updates are coming from social media, notes Trepp. Sure, they may be living in a house that you love, but maybe their world isn’t so shiny in other areas. You don’t have the full picture, she says.  

The other thing you can do is use your comparison—and insecurity that tags along—as information. What is this stuff trying to tell you? Sure, you envy this person. But feeling insecure perhaps tells you what you want and value, says Trepp. Use that as motivation and inspiration for the future, not as fuel to tear yourself down in the present.

3. Don’t let criticism crush you.

Getting not-so-great feedback can be a huge insecurity trigger for some. In cases like this, Trepp suggests trying your best not to take what someone said (or how they said it) personally. 

Let’s see this in action: Maybe your boss’s tone was harsh when she told you to speak up more in meetings. For starters, you don’t know how her day went—maybe outside factors made her come off a bit mean, says Trepp. It may not even be about you!

Even if you know the criticism was valid, try to find something, anything, useful from this feedback, Trepp suggests. Insecurity wants you to believe you’re on the brink of getting fired or that you flat-out fail at your job. Focusing on what you can do with this feedback (rather than just internalizing it), can help you feel a little more capable. 

4. Prove your insecurity wrong.

This may seem scary, but actually doing things that make you feel insecure can help build up your confidence in yourself, says Trepp. “You are showing yourself that you can make it through the challenging situations that bring up the insecurity and feel a sense of accomplishment after reflecting on how that experience went. We are so much more capable than insecurities make us believe.”

You don’t have to dive right into the deep end, though. You can start slow, says Trepp. Let’s say you’re feeling insecure about public speaking. You sweat a lot, you stutter a bit, and you’re easily distracted. It’s not for you, but you wish it was. You don’t have to give a TED Talk; work your way up to super intimidating situations. Maybe you tell a group of coworkers you barely know about something you did over the weekend. Then, you pitch a new marketing plan in front of your boss. Then, you go to a small slam poetry event. You got this!

5. Flip the script on self-talk.

Insecurity can fuel negative self-talk. So when the not-so-nice inner dialogue gets going (see: Why does everyone hate me?), fight back by considering whether the opposite is true. “Instead of thinking of all the reasons someone wouldn’t want to hang out with you, ask yourself to come up with all the reasons they would: I tell good jokes, I am kind, I care about my friends, I bring joy to people around me,” suggests licensed clinical psychologist Nicole Hayes, PhD. 

“This also works with career insecurity or applying to jobs,” Dr. Hayes says. “Instead of ruminating on all the reasons you shouldn’t be hired, ask yourself why you are a good fit: I have relevant background or education, I work well on teams, I have passion for this field, I learn quickly and with enthusiasm.” This swap basically lets your brain know that there are sunnier possibilities than the ones it tends to imagine when you’re feeling insecure.

6. Start asking questions.

When insecurity stands in between you and making a decision, therapist Aisha R. Shabazz, LCSW, owner of In Real Time Wellness, recommends asking yourself a series of questions that can guide you in the direction that’s truly right for you. Let’s say you’re considering quitting your job, breaking up with your partner, or becoming a nudist.

First question: What would you do if you weren’t afraid of being vulnerable? Sometimes insecurity blocks us from even considering our true, deep desires, Shabazz says. So this is your opportunity to bust through that wall.

Second question: What’s holding you back from making this decision? If your Aunt Karen judging you is at the root of your insecurity about fulfilling your true passion of joining a nudist colony, well, you’re keeping your clothes on for a rather lame reason, no?

Question number three: How is this choice beneficial for me? If you can, literally list out how said decision would benefit you or be detrimental to you, Shabazz suggests. It’s a good (and quick) reality check about whether you’re avoiding doing something that would be good for you just because you want to avoid discomfort. 

Last Q: Is following (or ignoring) what I want to do going to matter tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now, 10 years from now? If going back to school to be a librarian would make your life better down the line, even if you feel insecure about actually making the move right now, you know you’d be selling yourself short by chickening out.

7. Check in with your people. 

When insecurity is really cramping your style, check in with someone close to you for a gut check—and a healthy dose of reassurance. “Sometimes saying your insecurity out loud to someone who cares about you can put into perspective how out of touch with reality it truly is,” explains Miralrío. It can stop your insecurity from spiraling.  

When you can’t get that TLC right this second (if only your mom could vouch for you during your annual work review), Dr. Hayes recommends using a grounding technique that can help you tap into the love they’d offer you. Place your feet on the ground and feel the connection, knowing that it’s the same ground your friends and family stand on. Imagine their warmth and support running from the ground they stand on, through the floor your feet are on, and right up into you. It’s a simple exercise for feeling more self-assured. 

Side note (but related note): If you notice that your inner circle actually includes people who make  you feel insecure, maybe it’s time to reassess how much time you spend with them, notes Trepp. You don’t have to go no contact, since that might be hard, but you can set boundaries, she says. For example, if your friend’s partner not-so-subtly interrogates you about your life choices all the time, maybe only agree to see them in group settings where other friends can act as a buffer. If your coworker you’ve been getting happy hour with has said some questionable comments about what you eat, maybe stick to a work-only relationship.

8. Remind your body that you’re good.

Feeling insecure often signals to your body that you’re unsafe, leaving you tense, guarded, and shrunken. “Practice communicating to yourself that you are confident by standing up straight, orienting yourself to anyone you’re talking to, and unclenching your muscles,” suggests Dr. Hayes. This tells your body that this situation is safe and calm.

9. Take note of the positives.

Just as intentionally jotting down things you’re grateful for can help you feel more gratitude, writing down anything that challenges your insecurities (like self-love affirmations) can help you feel more at ease with yourself over time. Dr. Hayes recommends spending a few minutes every night reflecting on reassuring experiences from the day, as well as any positive feedback you received from a friend, partner, colleague, or whomever. Not only can this practice help you believe in yourself, but looking back at your entries can snap you out of an insecurity spiral.

10. Explore the root of the issue.

If you want to stop being so insecure, you have to figure out where this feeling is coming from. “One of the best long-term ways of managing insecurities is to understand their deeper roots in our minds,” says Miralrío. “The insecurities we feel in daily life are oftentimes symptoms of deeper fears and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.”

Typically, therapy is the ideal container in which to explore how your upbringing and life experiences shaped the things you feel insecure about, she says. If you don’t have access to individual therapy, though, Miralrío recommends creating space to reflect on what you believe about yourself, how that’s changed over time, and when you can remember first believing that particular thing about yourself. “Sometimes tapping into a younger self can increase your ability to have self-compassion with your current self,” she notes. 

The post 10 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Insecure appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.05.25

10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted

Check, check, and check! BySam Brodsky

It’s usually obvious when your body is just…done. Out of order. Ready for sweet, sweet slumber. But feeling mentally exhausted is a little more complicated to pinpoint—because how can you really  tell when your brain needs a reboot?   

Technically speaking, mental exhaustion is not a clinical term, so there’s no real diagnostic criteria that helps us define it, says licensed psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD. But you can think of it as your brain being out of battery, she says. “It’s like using your phone, using all the apps, all day long. Your battery is going to drain much, much quicker than if you weren’t on your phone all day.” 

Maybe you’ve been doing something mentally taxing or stressful for a while—like focusing on work, multitasking, problem-solving, navigating your or others’ emotions, or making a ton of decisions—without a break, Dr. Rubenstein explains. Or you might feel drained from the emotional and logistical toll of having a physical or mental illness, she adds. 

If you’re thinking that mental exhaustion sounds a lot like burnout, you’re not wrong! They’re similar; they just aren’t necessarily exactly the same. Dr. Rubenstein considers mental exhaustion a part of  burnout or a factor that can lead to  feeling burned out. Burnout is “the natural conclusion to when mental exhaustion is stretched out over a long period of time,” agrees therapist Nathan Luecking, LICSW. Cool, so we want to avoid that, but how can we really know when we’re mentally exhausted? 

Ahead, experts break down telltale signs you’re mentally spent. You may not experience all of these, but you might find a few of them to be especially relatable and consistent in your own life. Let’s get into it—plus, what to do about this type of fatigue if you relate. 

1. You have trouble concentrating.

It’s harder for you to concentrate when you’re mentally drained because your brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of things like planning and paying attention, is overloaded, explains Dr. Rubenstein. You might find yourself rereading emails over and over, for instance. You see the words! They’re there! You just can’t focus on them, she says. 

It’s especially difficult to focus when you’re mentally exhausted from stress, notes Luecking. You can’t concentrate on anything else because you’re thinking about how to deal or you’re zeroing in on the high-alert physical feelings (rapid heart rate, GI issues, headache, etc.), he explains. Or, if everything is stressing you out, you might suck at paying attention during conversations or work since you’re getting pulled in different directions, Luecking says. 

2. You make mistakes.

You might eff up more when you’re mentally spent—and research even backs that up. In general, that has to do with not being able to focus, say Luecking and Dr. Rubenstein. You might misspell words, put a spoon away in the junk drawer, or use the wrong toothbrush—literally anything! Your brain is tired, Dr. Rubenstein says. That’s it!

3. You have decision fatigue.

When mental exhaustion sets in, your brain can struggle to weigh different options, says Dr. Rubenstein. “You might feel paralyzed when faced with simple choices, like, What do I cook for dinner?  or, How do I respond to this email?  If that’s not something that is usually an issue for you, and it becomes one, then that’s mental exhaustion.” You might notice this after a long day, Dr. Rubenstein notes. And it’s not that you’re in analysis paralysis because you’re scared to make up your mind; you simply don’t have the mental energy to decide. 

4. You’re irritable AF.

As we’ve established, you might have trouble focusing on your to-do list or a yap sesh. But your boss messaging you another assignment or someone texting you about their bad day can also be a tipping point when you feel like you can’t take on anything else. Enter: frustration and irritation, says Luecking. You might get pissed over things that don’t normally bother you (like someone being a little too slow while paying for their takeout ahead of you), notes Dr. Rubenstein. Basically, you are Grumpy Cat.

5. The overwhelm is real.

Just like you may be easily ticked off when you’re mentally checked out, it might be hard to handle your emotions in other ways when your brain’s fatigued. For example, you can feel overwhelmed by things that are usually manageable, like packing your kids’ bags for school, says Dr. Rubenstein. Anything feels like a chore when you’re drained because you don’t have the mental energy to get it done—even something small. “When your emotional load is already heavy, even the slightest addition can feel overwhelming,” Luecking explains. 

6. You procrastinate.

Some people push through and log more hours on their computer when they’re mentally exhausted (risking the chance they’ll make mistakes or burn out). Others tend to put off tasks because just thinking about doing them is stressful, says Luecking. You’re less motivated, so you cope by avoiding stuff that feels daunting, agrees Dr. Rubenstein. Sound familiar? 

7. You don’t even really want to do things you like to do.

Think about it: When you’re out of steam, you may not have the energy to participate in the book club that you, an avid reader, started. You can’t imagine recapping the latest reality TV drama with friends. Sometimes it’s about not being up for it, but it can also just be a feeling of apathy, where you don’t seem to care, notes Luecking. And, yes, that’s frustrating as hell. 

8. You isolate from other people.

It’s pretty obvious by now that a mentally exhausted person is stretched thinner than thin. You can’t really handle one more decision or favor, so you might want to peace out and hide from the world, says Luecking. If you’ve spent a full day bed rotting with your phone on silent, watching your favorite comfort show, you probably know the feeling.

Sure, you most likely care about your inner circle. However, “even if you were to go sit down with a friend, would you have the capacity to connect with them?” Luecking asks. It’s a good question, and the answer is probably not—because it’ll feel like such a heavy lift. 

Plus, being mentally exhausted makes you feel hopeless at times, like there’s no end in sight, which can make you further want to isolate, he notes.  

9. You’re super self-critical.

Being mentally exhausted doesn’t necessarily make you bully yourself. But when you’re messing up or having trouble concentrating because of your mental fatigue, that can stir up some self-criticism, says Luecking. You might be hard on yourself for not fully paying attention to someone’s story over dinner or spiral with you-should-have-known-better  thoughts when you forgot a due date. You might also judge yourself for feeling like you need support from others but not having the energy to reach out, Luecking says. (Psst…you need to be kinder! More on that later.) 

10. Your body is out of whack.

When it’s severe or chronic, mental exhaustion even leads to physical symptoms, says health psychologist Margaret Maher, PhD. (Let’s hear it for the mind-body connection!) You can have headaches and muscle tension, a hard time sleeping, GI issues, and high blood pressure, she says. Then, it’s sort of cyclical, where a lot of these physical symptoms cause more mental exhaustion, she explains. All of this can end up being physically exhausting too. “When we feel intense stress, our bodies have a biological reaction. Levels of chemicals like hormones and neurotransmitters change, our muscles tense, our heart rates fluctuate. These biological changes can add up, leading to feelings of physical fatigue over time,” she explains. 

OK, I’m mentally exhausted. What can I do about it?

Consider these warning signs a reason to slow down, take a break, and reflect on what’s stressing you out. Because, as we said, mental exhaustion that goes unchecked can lead to burnout. 

That might mean taking a mental health day or a vacation if you can, says Luecking. You can also rest and reset in a smaller capacity, such as catching up with a friend or moving your body in a way that feels good to you, he notes.

Sure, you may struggle to get moving or connect with your people if you don’t have the energy—and that’s OK. Maybe your idea of recharging is scrolling Instagram—just don’t clock too much screen time that it jacks up the stress, notes Dr. Rubenstein. In that same vein, try to avoid content, like the news or anything scary, that’ll turn into a doomscroll, says Luecking.

And, of course (as you might have expected), implementing breaks into your work schedule can help you feel less mental fatigue. One technique to try is the Pomodoro method, where you repeat 25-minute working intervals followed by short breaks to get some water or go to the bathroom (or do the above suggestions), says Dr. Rubenstein. Timers or body doubling with someone can keep you on track, she notes. 

If you’re feeling physical symptoms of stress due to mental exhaustion, Dr. Maher recommends doing things that relax you—stuff that’ll slow your heart rate down and ease muscle tension, for example. Think: deep breathing, meditation, and yoga. Perhaps incorporate those into your breaks too. 

If breaks aren’t feasible, switch to a task that doesn’t feel as heavy and still gives your brain a break, Dr. Rubenstein suggests. That might look like checking emails for a few minutes when you feel stuck writing a report. 

Next up is setting boundaries. Being mindful of how much you take on at work or in your personal life helps prevent mental exhaustion in the first place, but it’s also important when you’re already drained. Say no, delegate tasks, or move to-do list items to tomorrow when you’re exhausted so you don’t make things worse, notes Dr. Rubenstein. (You know…time management hacks.)

Talking about your exhaustion can help too. Yes, hiding from the world might seem like a better option, but venting can foster validation, Dr. Rubenstein says. This convo should be with someone who is nonjudgmental and has your best interest at heart, like a pal or a therapist, notes Luecking. 

This is also a good time to practice self-compassion and be less judgy with yourself, Luecking says. Instead of berating yourself for being forgetful because your brain is scrambled eggs, start by just acknowledging how mentally exhausted you are. Then, tell yourself that being under a ton of pressure and stress obviously can make a person (aka, you) eff up. 

Lastly, if you still feel like you’re struggling—especially after trying some of these expert-backed tips—seeing a mental health professional could provide the extra support you need, says Dr. Rubenstein. And, if you’re dealing with physical symptoms that you’re concerned about, you can seek help from a medical doctor or a health psychologist, Dr. Maher says.

The post 10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.28.25

What Is Stonewalling, And Are You Guilty Of It?

Plus, how to tell if someone is doing it to you. ByLauren Del Turco

We can blame it on our zodiac sign, our enneagram type, or our parents, but we all handle conflict in different—often less-than-ideal—ways. Maybe your response is to show them what throwing a fit really looks like (Aries, right?), or maybe just the thought of confrontation makes your heart race. Or perhaps you’re guilty of stonewalling. 

If conflict makes you feel so overwhelmed that you shut down (or physically run away), you may be a stonewall-er. And you’re not the only one. 

Here’s the basic formula: Someone else does or says something (typically during a disagreement) that triggers you. Then, you shut down to protect yourself, explains Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT, a Gottman Institute-certified couples therapist. As the name suggests, this defense mechanism puts a wall between you and the other person. Because, hey, if you don’t respond or react, eventually, the problem will just go away, right? Right?!?

But unless you’re engaged in a Dungeons & Dragons role-play situation, this is not a helpful conflict management style—maybe you know that by now. 

Whether you think you’re guilty of stonewalling or know someone who is, here are the signs it’s happening and how to end it. 

What is stonewalling?

Stonewalling is a type of communication style that can set any relationship up to fail, according to John Gottman, PhD, and Julie Gottman, PhD, the couple who founded the Gottman Institute and the Gottman Method couples therapy. 

Stonewalling basically means that one or both people withdraw from a conflict, explains Gottman Institute-certified couples therapist Zach Brittle, LMHC, founder of Marriage Therapy Radio. It’s a form of “flight” in the fight-or-flight response, says Brittle. But you don’t have to run to do it, he adds. “You can stonewall from six inches away.” In other words, stonewalling means emotionally shutting down when you feel overwhelmed by a fight or disagreement.

Although stonewalling is usually talked about in the context of romantic relationships, it can happen in conversations with family, friends, and co-workers too, says therapist Savannah Schwenning, LMFT. Anytime you feel emotionally (or physically) unsafe, the stonewalling response can deploy, making things like eye contact and verbalizing your feelings impossible, says Panganiban. 

Oftentimes, stonewalling is a trauma response created by past experiences, Panganiban adds.

Say your dad constantly belittled you as a kid, and you felt safest when you didn’t react or even listen to him go off. If someone comes to you with constructive criticism now, you might completely shut down in the same way, explains Panganiban. 

And while stonewalling may have been a useful coping mechanism when you were younger, it’s probably doing more harm than good now. “As adults, we should have a bunch of other skills that help us stay safe and sane, like confronting a problem directly and tolerating discomfort long enough to address it,” Brittle says. In a perfect world, we’d come to realize that, when you peace out of a conflict or conversation, you and the other person get stuck on opposite sides of the issue without tools to figure things out, he explains. That can keep your relationship from becoming closer or more intimate. 

Over time, stonewalling can cause resentment and a general sense of “we’re doomed” on both sides, Schwenning says. 

How to stop stonewalling.

If you’re the one putting up walls, be patient with yourself here. No one goes from repeat stonewaller to expert conflict navigator overnight. “It’s a practice, just like learning to play guitar or speak a new language,” Brittle says. 

Yeah, you’ll probably fumble a few more tricky conversations, but every potential conflict becomes an opportunity to improve (yay!). Here’s how to do it.

Notice when it’s happening.

Because stonewalling is usually a stress response, the physical symptoms are a sure sign it’s about to go down. Increased heart rate, brain fog, chest tightness, and changes in body temperature are all alarm bells, Schwenning says. 

On the outside, your face may go blank, she adds. You might turn away, act busy, go slam a door and hide, or just stop responding.

While those are common signs, everyone is different. So it’s helpful to pinpoint your specific brand of stonewalling red flags, suggests Brittle. Do you start to sweat? Do you feel overwhelmed? Are your thoughts foggy? The better you can identify, Hey, this is happening, the more space you’ll have to handle it differently.

Communicate that you need a minute.

If your body is giving any of these oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-die feelings, it’s time for a break, the experts agree.

Obviously, communication gets really hard in that state. So keep a note in your phone with a response that tells the other person you need a sec. You can try, “Hey, this is getting too intense for me right now. I need to take a break and come back,” suggests Brittle. This is what he calls “responsible break-taking.” Suddenly fleeing the scene is not the same. 

Take a (helpful) break.

Now that you’ve pressed pause on the situation, go and do something that will genuinely help you feel better, Panganiban says. Take a walk, journal, read, do some deep breathing, take a shower—you get the picture. Whatever you do to calm down, give yourself at least 20 minutes to get grounded, she adds. 

Share your feelings.

After successfully escaping panic mode, you’d probably like to pretend nothing happened and move along. That makes sense. But, as scary as it may be to return to the scene of the crime, it’s the most important part. 

If you avoid it, your relationship can become more surface-level over time. And you both might be increasingly lonely and uncared for, Schwenning says. 

So, take a deep breath and remember that your only objective is to share how you felt in the previous conversation, says Brittle. You could say, My heart started racing. I felt panicked. My thoughts were spiraling. This helps them understand your experience, making it easier for you two to reconnect. It also tells your fight-or-flight response that you’re safe. 

Side note: If you’re a repeat stonewaller, you can use this follow-up convo to establish some sort of code word or hand signal to whip out the next time you’re overwhelmed, suggests Panganiban.

Once both of you have verbalized your feelings and established a sense of safety, you’re ready to revisit whatever caused the kerfluffle, says Brittle. 

Seek support if you need it.

If stonewalling is dragging your relationships through the dirt and the steps just aren’t working, finding a mental health pro can be a good move, Panganiban suggests. They can figure out exactly what’s triggering you and suggest self-soothing techniques that’ll work in the moment.

How to deal if someone is stonewalling you. 

When someone else shuts down mid-conflict or conversation, it can make you feel frustrated and tempted to check out too. “You might feel angry, frustrated, or hopeless,” Schwenning says. You could even experience the same physical symptoms—think panic and brain fog—as the stonewaller.

Yeah. That’s not ideal. So, if you notice that the person you’re speaking to is using the silent treatment, withdrawing from the conversation, or emotionally shutting down, here’s what to do next. 

Make some space.

It’s OK to be the one who suggests a break, the experts agree. In fact, it might be helpful for whoever you’re talking to. “If someone is stonewalling you, they are in an escalated state,” says Panganiban. “So pressuring them to talk will only heighten their arousal and lead to a destructive conversation.” At this point, the situation needs time and physical space—not pushing or chasing. 

Your move: Say that you need a break, Panganiban says. Telling them that they need to calm down will just make things worse. 

But don’t be surprised if their response sounds like crickets; that’s the stonewalling in action.

You can try something like, “I need a break right now to de-escalate, but I want to continue talking about this. I’ll be back in XYZ time,” Panganiban suggests.

Stepping away gives both of you permission to take care of yourselves and return to the situation when your systems are in a better place.

Tend to yourself.

As you give them space to chill, practice your own self-soothing, says Panganiban. Spend at least 20 minutes taking deep breaths, going on a walk, or watching mind-numbing TV. Intentionally tending to yourself when conflict escalates ensures you stay regulated. That enables you to help them navigate what is clearly a distressing situation.

Just try not to get too in your head about their shut-down—it’s not about you! It’s their maladaptive coping mechanism.

Come back to the convo.

After you’ve taken a break, gently seek out the other person, Panganiban says. Even if the previous conversation didn’t send you off the rails, the discomfort or pain it caused the other person is still real. 

Invite them to share their experience of what just happened, and do your best to actively listen, she suggests. Then, share yours! How did you feel when they emotionally (or physically) bailed on you? This is the most important part because it establishes a sense of safety between the two of you. 

Just a heads up, it’s possible one of you might need another break if you feel activated. That’s fair game. But once you’re able to calmly hear each other out, you’re ready to start talking through the actual problem, Brittle says. 

If the other person isn’t responsive or you keep getting stuck in a stonewalling cycle, it’s time to call in a mental health professional. A couples therapist or family counselor can help you develop healthier communication patterns or discuss the fate of the relationship, says Schwenning. If you decide this isn’t the relationship for you, that’s OK too!

The post What Is Stonewalling, And Are You Guilty Of It? appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.25.25

Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down

The emotional x-ray you didn’t know you needed. ByAmy Marturana Winderl

When times get tough, the tough get mindful. (That’s the saying, right??) While mindfulness isn’t the solution to all of life’s problems, it can be a useful tool for getting through the tough stuff. And one of the grounding tactics that mental health pros often suggest is the simple yet powerful body scan. 

A body scan is exactly what it sounds like: a mindfulness exercise that involves tuning into each part of your body, one by one. That might look like lying down and focusing on the top of your head, noticing sensations like tension or tingling. Then, you’ll move on to your forehead, eyes, ears, jaw, etc. until you’ve gone through your whole body. As you scan each part of your meat suit, the goal is not to judge your bodily functions or sensations. The point is to stay focused on how you physically feel so you can maybe (hopefully) get out of your head a little.

This process can help you focus on the present moment, says licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD, Wondermind Advisory Committee member. That can be hugely beneficial for calming racing thoughts. That’s great for someone dealing with anxiety, overwhelm, stress, or worry (so like every single one of us), Dr. Polyné explains. 

The same goes if you’re feeling down, sad, or depressed. “Most people who have anxiety are focused on the future; with depression, you may be focused on shame or guilt from the past,” Dr. Polyné says. Because a body scan means honing in on how different parts of your body feel now, you can get out of your head and into the present moment—which is often helpful for a racing brain that can’t stop, won’t stop. When you’re grounded and focused on this moment, it’s easier to figure out the next steps, she adds. 

There are lots of versions of this mindfulness practice out there. For example, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), where you tense and release each muscle group one at a time, can also help you hone in on your physical body and the present moment. But you don’t have to flex to get the mindfulness benefits of a body scan. Any exercise that requires you to shift your focus from one area to the next as you breathe mindfully can soothe racing thoughts, Dr. Polyné explains. So if it’s easier or less stressful for you to focus on watching leaves float by on a stream, for instance, then go with that! 

Here, Dr. Polyné explains exactly how to do a body scan the next time you need to find some calm in the chaos.

1. Find a safe space.

You may be wondering where to do this type of exercise. And that’s a fair question. While you can get into it pretty much anywhere, a space that feels relaxing, safe, and comfortable is ideal—especially if you want to close your eyes.

If you’re better with your eyes open, that’s cool! You can do this exercise at work or another public space by focusing on an object in the room with a soft, relaxed gaze, says Dr. Polyné.

2. Focus on your breath first.

OK, you’ll get to scanning your bod in a sec. But, for maximum chill, it’s very helpful to start this process by zooming in on your breath, explains Dr. Polyné.

The gist: Slowly breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Take as many breaths as you need to get into a calm, regular rhythm. From there, you may start to feel more centered and present.

Keep in mind: distractions can and will happen. As you get settled, it’s common for your brain to space out, says Dr. Polyné. When that happens, just remind yourself that it’s normal (because it is) and let those thoughts pass without judgment. Circle back to your breath and try to make it your main focus. 

3. Begin scanning your body, starting with your toes.

It is time. You can start a body scan from either the top of your body (your head) or the bottom (your feet) and then move up or down—whichever direction feels right to you. But, for this example, we’re starting at your toes. 

Notice any sensations that arise: Do your toes feel tense, relaxed, or tight? Are they warm, cold, or sweaty? As you assess that area, imagine breathing through the sensation. When you inhale, think of the breath traveling to that part of your body. You can imagine it relieving the tension or cooling the area, she explains. Then, slowly shift your focus to your whole foot, then your calves, thighs, bum, pelvis, stomach—you get the idea. Whatever you do, don’t rush the process. Try getting in a few good, deep breaths at each body part. 

4. Feel whatever feelings arise.

Don’t be surprised if some feelings bubble up as you scan, says Dr. Polyné. Maybe you sense into your belly and feel heat and then grief or sadness. It’s OK if you’re caught off guard, but don’t dismiss the emotion. Instead, lean in and let it flow—whatever that looks like for you.

If this is the first time in a while that you’ve tuned into your physical and emotional feels, that can be intense. When you notice your feelings and accept them without judgment, it can keep them from sneaking up on you at less convenient times. Whether we like it or not, we can’t eliminate our feelings, says Dr. Polyné. They’re just part of being a person.

5. Slowly bring yourself back to the present moment.

After you’ve breathed, scanned, and felt your feelings, you’re ready to come back to wherever you left off. Open your eyes, look around the room, and shift your awareness from your body to your environment. Your breath should stay steady as you stand up (take it easy, champ).

If you’re up for it, journaling about your experience can help you make the most of it, says Dr. Polyné. You can log what sensations or emotions came up and how you felt overall during the scan. If there were feelings in certain parts of your body that brought up big emotions, take note of those too. For extra credit, jot down what you felt like before your body scan and after. That might encourage you to keep it up.

6. Make it a thing.

As with all mindfulness techniques, body scans work best when you practice them regularly. Meaning, one session likely won’t change your life. But, by making it a practice (as in three-ish times a week), you’ll likely find that you get more out of the experience. You might even start looking forward to them. Over time, the ability to accept tough stuff, brush off intrusive thoughts, and move through emotions can become so much easier.

The post Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.24.25

10 Questions That’ll Help You Get to Know Anyone Better

Get ready to yap it up with literally anyone. ByKylie Gilbert

Whether it’s convenience, a habit, or a crutch, it’s easy to stop a conversation at “How’s it going?” or “The weather is crazy this week, right?” While small talk is a solid way to acknowledge someone in a pinch, like an elevator situation or bumping into someone at CVS, it can only take you so far. That’s why we all need a few questions to get to know someone better in our back pocket. 

Whether you’re on a second date, catching up with friends or family, or sussing out your new coworker, these questions to get to know someone can lead to deeper, more insightful conversations. Love that for us. 

With that in mind, we asked therapists for the Qs that will help you get more familiar with whoever you’re talking to—without making things weird. 

1. What’s something you’re feeling passionate about right now, and why?

Asking someone about what lights them up or gets them excited tells you a lot more about who they are than, “How’s work?” Whether it’s the status of their houseplants, something in the news, or a volunteer group they spend time with, asking what someone is passionate about sheds more light on what their life is like or what’s on their mind at that moment. 

When you understand what excites and motivates someone, you learn about what occupies their brain space, says psychotherapist Rachel Wright, LMFT. That’s super valuable information for understanding and connection, she adds. “Someone’s passions can often reflect personal values, goals, or emotional investments.” Plus, when people talk about what lights them up, it tends to make the conversation more enjoyable for both of you.

2. When do you feel the most like yourself?

This question to get to know someone moves beyond what they love to when they feel the most at ease. “Rather than asking about someone’s hobbies or what they do for work, this question uncovers where and when someone feels most authentic,” Wright says. 

Their answers can reveal not just their interests, but the spaces, people, and experiences that bring them comfort, she says. In other words, this insight helps you understand what makes them feel content.

3. If you woke up one day and your life felt truly fulfilling, what would it look like?

This question invites them to imagine their ideal life—beyond the daily routine. “It lets someone break free from the here and now and dream without limits,” says therapist Moe Ari Brown, LMFT. When you invite someone to use their imagination like this, it helps reveal parts of themselves they might usually keep close to the chest, he explains. 

You’re giving them an opportunity to express dreams that feel out of reach to bring up otherwise, Brown adds. It also reveals how much of their life right now is aligned with their goals. That’s useful for them and you (especially if you’re already close to this person and want to support their goals). 

4. What’s a small moment in your life that had a big impact on you?

Maybe it was a random conversation with a stranger that changed the way they see the world. Or perhaps it was a mental health walk in the park that led to a life-changing realization. These smaller moments don’t always get the attention they deserve but they often hold meaning, says Wright. 

Though we’re all pretty quick to spout off our big milestones, those micro-moments can offer a deeper understanding of someone, Wright adds. You might learn more about how their day-to-day shapes their goals, what’s important to them, or how they’ve changed over time.

5. What is an activity that makes you lose track of time? 

ICYMI, when you do something that you’re so deeply engaged with that you forget how much time has passed, that’s called flow, says Brown. Finding out what stuff brings them ~flow~ gives you an idea of the things that bring them joy. Maybe it’s writing or cooking or listening to a certain album, you may discover some common ground, Brown explains. If you both love an Ina Garten recipe, that might bring you closer or strengthen your bond. If their flow state is set off by something totally different than yours, that’s still great intel on who this person is and what lights them up. 

6. What’s something you’ve recently learned about yourself?

This question is all about reflecting on personal growth—something that usually doesn’t come up in small talk. “It helps keep the conversation in the present moment and gives you insight into their journey of self-discovery,” Wright says. You might learn about their emotional growth, new perspectives, or life transitions, and whether they’re open to learning and evolving, she explains.

That could lead to a conversation about emotions, shifting priorities, or boundaries, Brown says. It lets you connect with who they are today, not who they were yesterday—and gives you the chance to do the same. But, hey, even if their answer is something like, “I learned I actually hate kale,” that’s something too! 

7. What always makes you smile? 

“This question might seem chill, but it’s low-key deep,” Brown says. That’s because you’re learning more about what makes them happy. It could be a YouTube video, a meme, a hobby, a TV show, a ritual, or a memory, but, whatever it is, it lets you in on their sense of humor or where they find joy (or both). 

That’s good information, and it’s also an easy way to connect. If it’s a memory they share, validating why they love it is a good way in. If you have a relatable story, you could share that too. If it’s a pop culture moment, you could even watch it together. Close relationships thrive on those small but significant moments, says Brown. 

8. What do your most fulfilling connections feel like?

This question is great because it works in any kind of relationship—romantic, friendship, or even professional, says Brown. It helps you understand what someone truly values in their connections, beyond just surface-level traits. Do they want relationships that feel effortless and lighthearted? Do they thrive on deep, late-night talks? Or do they feel most connected through spontaneous plans? 

If you’re already close, it can open up a conversation about how you show up for each other. If they say their strongest relationships make them feel supported and understood, you can ask, “How do you like people to support you?”

9. What’s something you’ve changed your mind about recently?

This question is all about exploring personal growth, flexibility, and self-awareness, says Wright. It opens the door to meaningful discussions about evolving beliefs, values, and perspectives. Plus, it reveals how open they are to change and how they approach life. “It’s helpful to know if someone can change their mind when presented with new information,” Wright adds. This question invites growth and connection, without making things awkward.

10. What kind of person do you hope to be in your relationships, and what helps you show up that way?

This question is all about self-awareness, says Brown. After all, most of us focus on what we want from others without stopping to think about how we participate in the relationship, he adds. 

So, their answer could reveal qualities they’re working on—like patience, communication, or being more spontaneous—and what might be holding them back, Brown adds. It’s a great way to get a peek into how someone sees themself and their interactions with others. 

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