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Everything You Need to Know About the Mind-Body Connection

No, it's not all in your head. ByCarolyn Todd

It’s pretty common these days to hear people talk about the mind-body connection. Maybe you’ve heard about it on social media, in a yoga class or run club, or from your friend who swears their lower back pain gets worse whenever they’re super stressed. 

So what exactly are we actually talking about when we talk about the mind-body connection? How real is it? Can you truly blame your physical symptoms on your emotions or the job that’s stressing you out? And what does all of this mean for your health and well-being? We tapped a few mind-body experts to find out. 

What is the mind-body connection? 

“The ‘mind-body connection’ refers to the interplay of the mind and body,” says Chiara Gasteiger, PhD, postdoctoral scholar in psychology in the Mind & Body Lab at Stanford University. The two are deeply connected in lots of ways, Dr. Gasteiger explains, so what’s going on in one naturally influences what’s going on in the other. “Our mind—through our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions—influences our physiological responses, health, and well-being,” Dr. Gasteiger says. “And at the same time, the state of your body profoundly shapes your thoughts and mood.” 

Despite how woo-woo this might sound, it’s grounded in tons of research, says Elyse R. Park, PhD, MPH, professor of psychiatry and medicine at Harvard Medical School and director of research at the Massachusetts General Hospital Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine. We’ll get into that science in a bit, but you don’t have to pore through studies to know the connection is real. “You can see the mind-body connection in action all the time,” Dr. Gasteiger says. 

For example: “If you’re nervous before a presentation, you might suddenly get an upset stomach or sweaty hands,” Dr. Gasteiger says. (That’s mind influencing body.) Another one: When you’re sick in bed with a migraine or the flu, your mood may tank too. (That’s body influencing mind.) 

If you deal with depression, maybe you’ve noticed that it can impact not just your thoughts and emotions, but also your appetite or energy levels. Maybe you know that exercise (or even just a silly little mental health walk) does wonders for your mood. Something almost everyone can relate to is the connection between sleep and mental health, says Dr. Park. Your racing mind can keep your body from resting. And a crappy night of sleep can make you not only physically exhausted the next day, but also crabby and mentally sluggish. 

Where did the mind-body connection come from? 

The idea that your physical and mental states are linked seemed pretty out there just a few decades ago, says Dr. Park. But the mind-body connection isn’t actually new at all. For centuries, ancient healing practices and cultures (like Traditional Chinese Medicine, Ayurvedic medicine, and Ancient Greece) emphasized that the health of your body and your psyche were deeply intertwined, Dr. Gasteiger points out.

But around the 17th century, “Western medicine shifted toward viewing the mind and body as separate entities,” explains Dr. Gasteiger. It wasn’t until the 1960s and 1970s that doctors started becoming seriously interested in the mind-body connection—and finding scientific evidence to support it. During that time, a Harvard cardiologist began studying mind-body links like the effects of stress on blood pressure and the impact of meditation on your breathing and heart rate, Dr. Park explains. By 1975, a new field called psychoneuroimmunology (psychology + neurology + immunology) was illuminating how stress and emotions can affect the immune system, Dr. Gasteiger says. 

In the late 1970s, a new “biopsychosocial” model of health gave medical providers a way to conceptualize well-being as more than just your biology, but also your psychology and social environment, Dr. Gasteiger explains. Advances in fields like neuroscience also led to a deeper understanding of the mind-body connection. Today, the concept is widely accepted in Western medicine, Dr. Park says. Just ask anyone who’s had a medical professional tell them to “try yoga” after coming in with a host of physical symptoms. 

5 fascinating examples of the mind-body connection

So, how does the mind-body connection shape our health? What does the research say? There are too many examples out there to count but here are a few cool ones. 

The gut-brain axis

Ever notice how much we talk about the gut in relation to our emotions? You get a gut feeling about somebody, you’re gutted by a breakup, you go with your gut when making a tough call. Turns out, there’s actually science behind that. The gut-brain axis is the two-way communication stream between your brain and your digestive system, Dr. Gasteiger explains (largely through a big nerve called the vagus nerve). In fact, more information gets exchanged between the brain and gut than any other system, according to the Cleveland Clinic. 

In case you haven’t noticed, stress, anxiety, and depression can all affect your digestion, Dr. Gasteiger says. Meanwhile, imbalances in the gut microbiome (the community of healthy microorganisms living in your intestines) can influence your mood and mental health. Research also shows that people with IBS are at much higher risk for anxiety and depression—and that the conditions might even share some underlying causes. 

Skin and mood 

Anyone who’s ever dealt with bad acne—or just an ill-timed volcanic zit—knows your skin can affect your mood. But have you ever noticed you’re also more likely to break out (or have a skin condition flare up) after an especially chaotic week? 

The skin is so connected to the mind that there’s a whole field called psychodermatology (psychology + dermatology). Conditions like acne, rosacea, psoriasis, and atopic dermatitis are all linked to mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, according to research. And stress has been shown to make skin symptoms worse. The good news? Mental health interventions like therapy have been shown to help skin symptoms or flare-ups that may be exacerbated by stress. (Scientists think this has to do with the complex connections between your nervous system, hormones, immune system, and skin.)

The placebo effect 

One of the weirdest examples of the mind-body connection is the placebo effect. When you see a doctor and get medication, you generally expect to feel better, right? The placebo effect is the idea that this alone—simply believing a treatment will work—can actually make you feel better, Dr. Gasteiger explains. 

We’ve got tons of hard proof this is true. Researchers test out new drugs by giving one group of people the real medication and one group of people a sugar pill (without telling them which one they’re getting). By seeing how much the people on the real drug improve compared to the people taking the placebo, scientists can tease out the effects of the drug itself from the placebo effect.

Amazingly, researchers often find that a good number of the people who take nothing but a sugar pill get some relief. Placebos have resulted in improvements in conditions like high blood pressure, chronic pain, allergies, migraine, nausea, and chronic itchiness from skin conditions. One review looking at 186 clinical trials (including 16,655 people) found that, on average, the placebo response accounted for about half of the overall effect of a treatment. 

It’s not just your mind playing tricks on you either. Placebos have been shown to trigger real, measurable changes in your body, Dr. Gasteiger says—like the release of its own opioids (natural painkillers). So it’s possible that if you believe a new stretching or movement routine is going to help your mood, it really might. 

The role of mindset in healing 

The placebo effect is just one example of how your thoughts and beliefs can influence your health. Here’s another: Being optimistic about your recovery from an illness or injury can enhance the healing process, Dr. Gasteiger says. A review of 30 studies, totaling 28,741 people with musculoskeletal pain (like back pain, whiplash, or a leg injury), found that those who had low expectations about their recovery were over twice as likely to later be on disability leave from work than people who had high expectations for their recovery. 

Even your perception of time can influence the healing process. In one small study, the rate of wound healing was influenced by how much time a person believed had passed. Researchers had people receive cupping therapy (which causes bruise-like marks), and then left them alone in a room with a clock for 28 minutes. For a third of the people, the clock was rigged to run at half speed—so they thought only 14 minutes had passed. For another third, the clock was rigged to run twice as fast as real time, so they thought 56 minutes had passed. (The final third had normal-running clocks.) The results? The researchers actually saw improved wound healing in the groups that thought more time had passed. 

The stress and relaxation response 

Mental and emotional stressors can cause your body to release hormones that trigger a “fight-or-flight” response, explains the National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH). Your heart rate, breathing rate, and blood pressure go up; your muscles get tense. That can be tough on your body and brain—especially when it becomes chronic, Dr. Park says. “When you’re always in the stress response… it’s hard to function, it’s hard to be healthy.” As a result, chronic stress plays a role in causing or worsening a bunch of conditions (including many of the ones we’ve mentioned). 

Thankfully, we also have the relaxation response (phew!), which helps to counter the stress response. “Everything comes down,” Dr. Park explains: your heart rate, your blood pressure, your stress hormones, and your risk of exacerbating physical symptoms. You can bring on this relaxation response through a variety of mind-body strategies, Dr. Park says. You can try things like breathing exercises, a body scan like progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, gentle movement, and guided imagery. By directing your breath, muscles, awareness, or imagination, you can shift the state of your mind and body. 

According to the NCCIH, research shows techniques that elicit the relaxation response can be helpful for a wide variety of health conditions. For example, breathing exercises and clinical hypnosis can reduce hot flashes. Progressive muscle relaxation and diaphragmatic breathing may help manage IBS symptoms. Guided imagery can benefit people with arthritis pain. And various relaxation techniques may decrease nausea and vomiting in people undergoing chemotherapy.

No, it’s not “all in your head.” 

So, hang on a minute… Does all this mean you’re basically making your health problems up? That if you just thought more positively or went for enough mental health walks, you wouldn’t be sick? That it’s “all in your head,” as people say? Not even close. 

“The phrase ‘it’s all in your head’ implies that some symptoms and health problems are imaginary, which can feel very dismissive,” Dr. Gasteiger says. Recognizing the importance of the mind-body connection doesn’t make your symptoms any less real or valid, Dr. Park says. On the contrary, understanding the role of the mind deepens our understanding of those symptoms and helps us appreciate the many dimensions of well-being. “It’s a great reminder of how complex the human body is, and the profound ways our psychological states can shape our physical health,” says Dr. Gasteiger. In reality, the mind-body connection should motivate and empower you to take better care of your mind, Dr. Park says—to watch those negative thought spirals, lean into optimism where you can, get the support and treatment you need, and engage in whatever self-care practices help you manage stress. And, similarly, it should remind you of all the ways your body (and the way you move it and treat it) can impact your mental health too.

The post Everything You Need to Know About the Mind-Body Connection appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.05.25

10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted

Check, check, and check! BySam Brodsky

It’s usually obvious when your body is just…done. Out of order. Ready for sweet, sweet slumber. But feeling mentally exhausted is a little more complicated to pinpoint—because how can you really  tell when your brain needs a reboot?   

Technically speaking, mental exhaustion is not a clinical term, so there’s no real diagnostic criteria that helps us define it, says licensed psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD. But you can think of it as your brain being out of battery, she says. “It’s like using your phone, using all the apps, all day long. Your battery is going to drain much, much quicker than if you weren’t on your phone all day.” 

Maybe you’ve been doing something mentally taxing or stressful for a while—like focusing on work, multitasking, problem-solving, navigating your or others’ emotions, or making a ton of decisions—without a break, Dr. Rubenstein explains. Or you might feel drained from the emotional and logistical toll of having a physical or mental illness, she adds. 

If you’re thinking that mental exhaustion sounds a lot like burnout, you’re not wrong! They’re similar; they just aren’t necessarily exactly the same. Dr. Rubenstein considers mental exhaustion a part of  burnout or a factor that can lead to  feeling burned out. Burnout is “the natural conclusion to when mental exhaustion is stretched out over a long period of time,” agrees therapist Nathan Luecking, LICSW. Cool, so we want to avoid that, but how can we really know when we’re mentally exhausted? 

Ahead, experts break down telltale signs you’re mentally spent. You may not experience all of these, but you might find a few of them to be especially relatable and consistent in your own life. Let’s get into it—plus, what to do about this type of fatigue if you relate. 

1. You have trouble concentrating.

It’s harder for you to concentrate when you’re mentally drained because your brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of things like planning and paying attention, is overloaded, explains Dr. Rubenstein. You might find yourself rereading emails over and over, for instance. You see the words! They’re there! You just can’t focus on them, she says. 

It’s especially difficult to focus when you’re mentally exhausted from stress, notes Luecking. You can’t concentrate on anything else because you’re thinking about how to deal or you’re zeroing in on the high-alert physical feelings (rapid heart rate, GI issues, headache, etc.), he explains. Or, if everything is stressing you out, you might suck at paying attention during conversations or work since you’re getting pulled in different directions, Luecking says. 

2. You make mistakes.

You might eff up more when you’re mentally spent—and research even backs that up. In general, that has to do with not being able to focus, say Luecking and Dr. Rubenstein. You might misspell words, put a spoon away in the junk drawer, or use the wrong toothbrush—literally anything! Your brain is tired, Dr. Rubenstein says. That’s it!

3. You have decision fatigue.

When mental exhaustion sets in, your brain can struggle to weigh different options, says Dr. Rubenstein. “You might feel paralyzed when faced with simple choices, like, What do I cook for dinner?  or, How do I respond to this email?  If that’s not something that is usually an issue for you, and it becomes one, then that’s mental exhaustion.” You might notice this after a long day, Dr. Rubenstein notes. And it’s not that you’re in analysis paralysis because you’re scared to make up your mind; you simply don’t have the mental energy to decide. 

4. You’re irritable AF.

As we’ve established, you might have trouble focusing on your to-do list or a yap sesh. But your boss messaging you another assignment or someone texting you about their bad day can also be a tipping point when you feel like you can’t take on anything else. Enter: frustration and irritation, says Luecking. You might get pissed over things that don’t normally bother you (like someone being a little too slow while paying for their takeout ahead of you), notes Dr. Rubenstein. Basically, you are Grumpy Cat.

5. The overwhelm is real.

Just like you may be easily ticked off when you’re mentally checked out, it might be hard to handle your emotions in other ways when your brain’s fatigued. For example, you can feel overwhelmed by things that are usually manageable, like packing your kids’ bags for school, says Dr. Rubenstein. Anything feels like a chore when you’re drained because you don’t have the mental energy to get it done—even something small. “When your emotional load is already heavy, even the slightest addition can feel overwhelming,” Luecking explains. 

6. You procrastinate.

Some people push through and log more hours on their computer when they’re mentally exhausted (risking the chance they’ll make mistakes or burn out). Others tend to put off tasks because just thinking about doing them is stressful, says Luecking. You’re less motivated, so you cope by avoiding stuff that feels daunting, agrees Dr. Rubenstein. Sound familiar? 

7. You don’t even really want to do things you like to do.

Think about it: When you’re out of steam, you may not have the energy to participate in the book club that you, an avid reader, started. You can’t imagine recapping the latest reality TV drama with friends. Sometimes it’s about not being up for it, but it can also just be a feeling of apathy, where you don’t seem to care, notes Luecking. And, yes, that’s frustrating as hell. 

8. You isolate from other people.

It’s pretty obvious by now that a mentally exhausted person is stretched thinner than thin. You can’t really handle one more decision or favor, so you might want to peace out and hide from the world, says Luecking. If you’ve spent a full day bed rotting with your phone on silent, watching your favorite comfort show, you probably know the feeling.

Sure, you most likely care about your inner circle. However, “even if you were to go sit down with a friend, would you have the capacity to connect with them?” Luecking asks. It’s a good question, and the answer is probably not—because it’ll feel like such a heavy lift. 

Plus, being mentally exhausted makes you feel hopeless at times, like there’s no end in sight, which can make you further want to isolate, he notes.  

9. You’re super self-critical.

Being mentally exhausted doesn’t necessarily make you bully yourself. But when you’re messing up or having trouble concentrating because of your mental fatigue, that can stir up some self-criticism, says Luecking. You might be hard on yourself for not fully paying attention to someone’s story over dinner or spiral with you-should-have-known-better  thoughts when you forgot a due date. You might also judge yourself for feeling like you need support from others but not having the energy to reach out, Luecking says. (Psst…you need to be kinder! More on that later.) 

10. Your body is out of whack.

When it’s severe or chronic, mental exhaustion even leads to physical symptoms, says health psychologist Margaret Maher, PhD. (Let’s hear it for the mind-body connection!) You can have headaches and muscle tension, a hard time sleeping, GI issues, and high blood pressure, she says. Then, it’s sort of cyclical, where a lot of these physical symptoms cause more mental exhaustion, she explains. All of this can end up being physically exhausting too. “When we feel intense stress, our bodies have a biological reaction. Levels of chemicals like hormones and neurotransmitters change, our muscles tense, our heart rates fluctuate. These biological changes can add up, leading to feelings of physical fatigue over time,” she explains. 

OK, I’m mentally exhausted. What can I do about it?

Consider these warning signs a reason to slow down, take a break, and reflect on what’s stressing you out. Because, as we said, mental exhaustion that goes unchecked can lead to burnout. 

That might mean taking a mental health day or a vacation if you can, says Luecking. You can also rest and reset in a smaller capacity, such as catching up with a friend or moving your body in a way that feels good to you, he notes.

Sure, you may struggle to get moving or connect with your people if you don’t have the energy—and that’s OK. Maybe your idea of recharging is scrolling Instagram—just don’t clock too much screen time that it jacks up the stress, notes Dr. Rubenstein. In that same vein, try to avoid content, like the news or anything scary, that’ll turn into a doomscroll, says Luecking.

And, of course (as you might have expected), implementing breaks into your work schedule can help you feel less mental fatigue. One technique to try is the Pomodoro method, where you repeat 25-minute working intervals followed by short breaks to get some water or go to the bathroom (or do the above suggestions), says Dr. Rubenstein. Timers or body doubling with someone can keep you on track, she notes. 

If you’re feeling physical symptoms of stress due to mental exhaustion, Dr. Maher recommends doing things that relax you—stuff that’ll slow your heart rate down and ease muscle tension, for example. Think: deep breathing, meditation, and yoga. Perhaps incorporate those into your breaks too. 

If breaks aren’t feasible, switch to a task that doesn’t feel as heavy and still gives your brain a break, Dr. Rubenstein suggests. That might look like checking emails for a few minutes when you feel stuck writing a report. 

Next up is setting boundaries. Being mindful of how much you take on at work or in your personal life helps prevent mental exhaustion in the first place, but it’s also important when you’re already drained. Say no, delegate tasks, or move to-do list items to tomorrow when you’re exhausted so you don’t make things worse, notes Dr. Rubenstein. (You know…time management hacks.)

Talking about your exhaustion can help too. Yes, hiding from the world might seem like a better option, but venting can foster validation, Dr. Rubenstein says. This convo should be with someone who is nonjudgmental and has your best interest at heart, like a pal or a therapist, notes Luecking. 

This is also a good time to practice self-compassion and be less judgy with yourself, Luecking says. Instead of berating yourself for being forgetful because your brain is scrambled eggs, start by just acknowledging how mentally exhausted you are. Then, tell yourself that being under a ton of pressure and stress obviously can make a person (aka, you) eff up. 

Lastly, if you still feel like you’re struggling—especially after trying some of these expert-backed tips—seeing a mental health professional could provide the extra support you need, says Dr. Rubenstein. And, if you’re dealing with physical symptoms that you’re concerned about, you can seek help from a medical doctor or a health psychologist, Dr. Maher says.

The post 10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 02.28.25

Selma Blair Thought It Might Be Depression—Not MS

“If you’re exhausted enough, it all feels depressing.” ByCasey Gueren

For many of us, it might seem like Selma Blair’s journey with multiple sclerosis (MS) started in 2018, when she shared news of her diagnosis on Instagram. In reality, it started decades before that. Even before she was a teenager, Blair was going to specialists and searching for answers. By the time she was regularly gracing our screens in cult classics like Cruel Intentions, Legally Blonde, and The Sweetest Thing, Blair had been battling symptoms on and off for years. 

After giving birth to her son in 2011, Blair’s search for the cause of her debilitating fatigue continued. “No one knew. I just needed an MRI to give some clarity,” Blair tells Wondermind. “I do urge that to people now: Ask for what you deserve. If that is available and that is something that can be a diagnostic tool for longtime neurological issues, then by all means speak up for yourself.” 

In the years since her diagnosis, Blair has become a powerful advocate for disability rights, chronic illness awareness, and taking care of yourself. But when it comes to extending that same grace and compassion to herself—well, she tells us that’s still a work in progress. 

Here, we spoke with Blair about being dismissed by doctors, how motherhood changed everything for her, and the power of community.   

Wondermind: How are you feeling today, really? 

Selma Blair: I’m doing really well today. It’s rainy, which is of course wonderful after such parched lands, and also terrifying for all the people that will have mudslides. That’s an ongoing theme in life: the good with the bad. But I’m doing really well. I’ve already done school drop off, had a business meeting, got in the bath, so now I’m doing really well. I’m finally focused—after a bath and 10 hours awake. It takes a while.

WM: Sometimes your mind and body need that momentum. That’s what we wanted to talk to you about today: how your physical health impacts your mental health—and vice versa. 

SB: This is totally my wheelhouse as I am someone that is chronically fatigued. I’m doing really well, but I think for anyone who’s had chronic illness or setbacks in life or anything, you are saddled with something. Mine is mostly fatigue and it’s been that way my whole life. 

Think of a baby when you put them down because they need a nap. Everyone’s like, “Ooh, cranky, tired.” And that’s how I feel now as a grownup. I wish someone would just put me down for naptime. They’re essential, I get them in as much as I can. But that is something I’m always kind of battling: how to get past that feeling of wanting to get back in bed so that you can be as productive as you can be and take care of your health. So it is all about those little things for me—having a ritual and telling myself I matter. 

I was always tired, that was a huge part of all my symptoms growing up. For anyone with MS or a chronic health issue or autoimmune condition, there’s usually a big sacrifice—other than the ones that seem obvious. And for me it was fatigue. So I was always on a healing journey before diagnosis. Always cleanses, exercise, getting really fit. And now I have to just build my stamina. 

As much as I advocate for taking care of yourself—and there are times when you really need the time off, you have to find a support system, and you have to do it to get better—you got to keep going. So I fit it in. I make sure I wake up early. I make sure that I go through all those things before the kid sees me. Because that was a really hard part of being a mom: not letting them see you sweat so much so they felt safe. And you’re freaking out in life! That was a part I really had to learn to adapt to, especially with not feeling well. 

But diagnosis really helped for my own knowledge that it was real. Some validity so that I could get my footing.

WM: You lived with symptoms for so long before getting that diagnosis. Did you feel dismissed by doctors during that time? 

SB: Yes, I was dismissed by so many doctors. And this wasn’t just a grownup or she-became-an-actress thing, like, It’s hard to read, they’re so dramatic. This was since I was little. And I have no idea if it really is a girl thing, although I know that is a statistic that seems to be true—that maybe you’re not taken as seriously or maybe most of the men are doctors (at that time especially) so there wasn’t a real understanding of the dynamics that a woman can go through, and that not everything goes under menstruation or depression or emotional things. So I was definitely swimming upstream there against the currents. 

I did see the best doctors and I did visit universities even as a 12-year-old, because it was already flaring up. The MS was already in me then and active, but then it would remit. I have Relapsing-Remitting MS, so it would remit and I’m basically a healthy person. So then you’re confused. But the fatigue was constant. By college, it was hard to stay awake. Even during field hockey practices, I’d try to run and every day the coach was like, “Do you not eat? Why do you have no energy? What’s happening?” And I’m like, “I don’t know. What’s happening with these people? How do they do it?” I just could not get it.

That was actually the thing that really took me out of work. After coming back from Hellboy II, I was on top of the world, and then during Kath & Kim, I got very sick with MS and I lost my hair and my autoimmune was crazy. And I was keeping it in, and that stress was huge.

When I got pregnant, I went into remission and I was like, Oh my God, my child’s hormones are making me feel great. That’s what I needed the whole time. Maybe I won’t be depressed anymore. I really just believed that I was solely, hugely depressed. I was medicated as a child. I was self-medicating with drinking. And so I had kind of lost touch with what my reality really was. And then when I felt great in pregnancy, and of course not drinking or anything, I felt incredible. So I didn’t know what it was. I had no idea that MS can go away when you’re pregnant. And I didn’t know I had MS. 

When I gave birth, I was like a month past my due date, so it was forced and it was painful and it was 37 hours of induced labor. Needless to say, I was exhausted. And MS hit as soon as I gave birth, and then it was just dismissed over and over as, “You’re an exhausted single mom. That’s what the pain is. All women have loosening of their ligaments and then it stretches back. So of course you’re stiff and tight.” But it was brutal. And I’m trying every healing modality. 

It was ultimately falling asleep in the doctor’s office that made the diagnosis actually finally happen. I literally just fell asleep and [the doctor] is like, “Wait, that’s weird.” And he got me up and was like, “Does she always do that?” And my boyfriend at the time was like, “Yeah, she thinks maybe it’s the depression meds. She’s really been struggling with this for years nonstop.” 

It was amazing to be seen for the first time. Because I didn’t know the language. I didn’t know this isn’t normal. Extreme fatigue is not normal. Fatigue you cannot get out of is not normal.  

But it did make me distrust myself, especially when you hear it enough and from doctors you really like and that really do want to help you. No one was just saying, “Oh, you’re totally insane. Go swim in a lake.” It was, “You’re obviously under a lot of distress. You’re depressed. You’re crying all the time and waking up laughing because you’re just under so much pressure.” It was such a relief to be diagnosed, and then you start the journey all over again of what will be your path. 

WM: And there’s so much stigma at play in those conversations too.  

SB: It was already bad enough that it was like, “Oh my God, you’re an emotional rollercoaster of a person. You’re so sad.” You just really do believe it and you feel guilty. I felt shame, like I can’t get past this for this life? I have a child I want to be a mother for. I want to learn to partner with his dad better. I want to get in shape. I need to work. I mean, it’s all very overwhelming—and very relatable, I think.

WM: Absolutely. When you think back to that time, how was your physical health affecting how you showed up in your work or family life? 

SB: For so many years I retreated, because by evening I would feel so awful. In the younger years when I could go out and maybe have a few cocktails—and then go home and sadly probably binge—there was maybe a forced energy I could have. You get a little alcohol, there’s a little sugar, you know, there’s things you can do to kind of numb the discomfort, physically at least. And it really did numb my discomfort, so I got by better. But then when that was obviously not going to work as something that could fit in my life productively or emotionally in any positive way, then you’re like…I don’t know how to do it. 

So nighttime would come around and it was just brutal. And people get angry. When you bow out enough, you’re a flake. So then your world gets smaller and smaller. It’s very common to then feel isolated because you just don’t feel good enough. But yet you don’t have any validity and it’s not obvious, it’s more an inner thing. So it can be really tricky emotionally to not feel lazy.  

It can be lonely and it takes time, but I keep just taking care of myself. And my relationship with my son is ever growing. So thank goodness that I have such a substantial relationship that I value so highly to keep my wish for success and health and emotions in check.

WM: It sounds like that relationship is one of the things that shifted your perspective on your health. 

SB: Yeah, and hearing other people’s stories. Hearing my own son’s experience and how it’s very different from mine as a child. You see, wow, there’s all types! He might’ve come from me, but he’s not depressed at all. And I don’t know if I was ever depressed or if it was exhaustion. I really don’t know. Sometimes they feel one and the same. If you’re exhausted enough, it all feels depressing. 

There’s a new thing I’m doing with Express4MS, and that’s why I love that campaign. People can go on and hear from each other and talk and vent and tell your story safely. 

WM: That must be so validating, and also a good reminder that your diagnosis doesn’t define you. 

SB: It’s a part of you. And it may be a huge part of you to have a diagnosis. And you do have to live your life around some things—at least for a while, or maybe always, depends what your situation is. But it still is never going to be all of you. It is a part of you and there’s so much more to us. 

And that applies for big diagnoses and people of all sorts, of course. But it’s a very important rule to live by. There’s so much more to people than one big diagnosis or one point of view or one anything.

WM: You’re such a powerful advocate in this space. What are some things you’re still learning about taking care of yourself? 

SB: I was so reluctant to think I actually had something really wrong with me. And thank God it wasn’t a bigger thing wrong with me. I’m still here and I found options, so I do feel a real personal obligation to keep saying: Don’t give up. 

But even as much of an advocate as I am, I had no idea it was going to keep changing. Even though I was the biggest advocate for MRIs, [at one point] I didn’t go get MRIs. I was in denial. Then finally I was encouraged—you’re still not right. It even happens to the advocates! 

WM: What part of your mental health still feels like a work in progress? 

SB: Changing the language in my head. I’m 52, but I’ve had a good 48 years probably of a lot of shit-talking to myself. And that takes time to undo. I mean, I really wish it could be overnight, and in huge ways my own attitude adjustments were overnight, but I still don’t know the vocabulary of someone that knows how to be patient and knows that they matter, so that you can take care of your tribe. So that you can have a tribe that’s worth having. 

Because if you’re not treating yourself with respect, it’s not going to extend. I give that courtesy to my friends and people in my life to always change and get better. And I am learning to do it for myself in all ways, but it’s always a work in progress.  

WM: How did motherhood change your relationship with your health and your mind? 

SB: Motherhood? It was wild. Being a mom and not yet diagnosed and feeling horrible for his first five or six years is still something I’m recovering from emotionally, because I still have that guilt of just feeling miserable. But I did have the wherewithal in those moments to be grateful. 

It is very life-changing to give yourself grace. Those glacial years with my son, when my eyes were burning out of my head and I was praying for nap time and wondering, What am I going to do? I think I did recognize, Thank you God for a healthy child. Thank you God for giving me this healthy child to want to live for, because I feel like I want to die. 

And when I was home from work and feeling the fear and sadness of not being able to work and earn money, I was like, Oh my God, what a blessing I’m home with my child. I can remember these years and I can realize I spent every waking second doing the best I could. 

WM: What an amazing mindset shift. 

SB: Mindset is everything. I’ve always been someone that’s had to fall a little deep to bounce off the bottom. And that’s how it is with your emotional and health journey sometimes. But you hope you don’t go too far to the bottom, and that there’s going to be someone—you know, the hand of God—that reaches down. I have been very lucky that I’ve stayed the course and I have had those saviors as well. 

Also, the kindness of strangers—people on Instagram. I feel a real connection with people and a real need to give back because they kind of saved my life—this core team of strangers from Instagram that I’m actually friends with now saved my life when I was first having real challenges many years ago. 

I had a small but loyal fan base who was there when I came up against a wall and had public humiliation years ago with an instance that forced me to get sober again. The shame of that is intense and thank God there wasn’t a horrible thing that came out of it. 

But I also want to tell people—because I know people get in desperate situations out there and I can relate—I don’t want them to give up. Just because you make a choice does not mean you have to make a next set of horrible choices to ruin your life, or your child or the people that care about you. You can get to the other side. And if you break down again, you can still get to the other side. You have to keep trying to get to the other side of the road that’s safer and better for everyone. 

That was huge that people supported me in that time, because I didn’t want to give myself grace. The support that I had from people on IG that could relate or could understand or had a relative that had been in that situation, that got me through. Because you think the whole world hates you if you hear 10 loud voices. And that can really get to a sensitive person. And it’s such a cause of suicide in people, this bullying that can happen if you make a mistake. I credit the human compassion that six young people and two people my age gave to me and are still my core fans and friends off of IG now. It really was a huge gift.

WM: Looking back on those harder times in your life, is there anything you wish you could go back and say to your younger self? 

SB: There always is. There have even been healers in the past that have said, “You have to make a shrine to yourself.” Ew, gross. And then I did. I put a childhood picture and a grownup picture and just some pretty simple things. It’s just a little meditation bench. And when I really had trouble with forgiving myself or for wanting more for myself, I had to look at that little girl that was terrified and didn’t feel well but was also a really loving person with a great imagination and stories in her, and I have to give some respect. You know, better late than never. 

So that was a good idea for me. I’m not someone that does do a lot of shrines, but I do have a little meditation shrine. And I don’t always have a picture of myself on it, but there were a good five years where little baby Selma was up there, and I was like, Let me know you! I’m sorry! I’ve got to forgive that. It’s OK. I’m with you now. And it’s so cheesy to some people, but it also can be really effective.

WM: Definitely. That’s a tip we’ve heard from therapists about countering negative self-talk too. 

SB: Yeah, because the negative self-talk is hard to go away unless you forgive. You might not legitimately have something to forgive. It could be something you built up, but you still have to forgive. And that’s one of the best things I’ve ever gotten from spiritual teachings that I dabbled in. I had to take literal night courses on forgiveness. It’s vulnerable and you have to get in front of people and forgive all these angry feelings, and that’s a work in progress. 

WM: What advice would you give someone who is struggling with their physical and mental health or facing a new health diagnosis? 

SB: The honest and simple advice—even though it sounds vague, but it kind of covers everything—is: This too shall pass. I mean, everything does. Even the most excruciating moments, they will pass, just like the most incredible ones will. So enjoy it, seize the day. 

Also, you’ve got to have grit. I had to find someone I loved more than I hated myself, and that was my son. And he came just in time, because right when he came, the shit hit the fan with the way I felt emotionally and physically, and thank God he was there. Thank God my dog—my beloved soul dog—died when I was pregnant, or else I would’ve drank myself to death. You’ve got to look at those as huge signposts. Don’t stop reading the signposts. 

Each day, pick one good thing to do for someone else and one thing that makes you feel good. Do that. Really simple. No matter how small it is, whether it’s lighting a candle and just saying, “Ahh, breathe in, you deserve it.” It could be that small. Or just saying, “No, this too shall pass,” if you have energy for nothing else.

WM: Right, because everything is temporary. 

SB: Even life! And that’s the curse and the blessing of all of this. But that is something we are all in together, that I can say for sure. The one thing we all share is that we’re all living and we’re all dying. And that somehow puts things in balance sometimes and causes me to have a little more patience when I lose it.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Selma Blair Thought It Might Be Depression—Not MS appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 01.21.25

How Do We Begin to Tackle the Grief and Trauma From These Fires?

“No one talks about the emotional task of packing your belongings and saying goodbye to what’s left.” ByAlyssa “Lia” Mancao, LCSW

The air in Los Angeles is heavy, both literally and figuratively. The Palisades, Eaton Canyon, and Hurst wildfires burned thousands of acres. That includes homes, small businesses, and wildlife habitats. In an instant, thousands of people lost what took years or even generations to build. The Los Angeles wildfires also stripped away our sense of security, leaving all of us fearful of the future. 

As a Los Angeles resident, I’m anxiously waiting for my cue to evacuate. Living just a few miles from what is now a stretch of ash and debris, I’ve been consumed by messages from loved ones checking in and constantly monitoring evacuation notifications. At this point, the only thing separating me from the fires is the direction of the wind.

As a therapist, I’m surprised that no one talks about the emotional task of packing your belongings and saying goodbye to what’s left (there’s no certainty that it will all be there when you return). They also don’t talk about how, even if you’re physically safe, you’re constantly checking for updates on the damage.

At the time of this writing, the fires aren’t yet contained and the psychological toll is fresh and ongoing. However, I want everyone to know that it’s not too early to start coping with the grief, trauma, and anxiety caused by the devastation. 

Whether you lost your home, someone you love lost theirs, you’re waiting to hear if you need to leave your neighborhood, or you’re watching in horror from afar, we’re all feeling helpless. And it’s OK if you’re not ready or able to process your emotions around all of this right now. But, if and when you are, here are a few strategies I recommend.

Prioritize your physical needs.

If you’re directly impacted by the fires, there are an endless number of things competing for your attention. Texts from loved ones, spreadsheets of resources, insurance claims, and other logistical tasks that come with navigating the aftermath.

In the midst of it all, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself, especially your physical needs. But putting those at the top of your list is actually one of the most helpful ways to recover emotionally and materially. You need energy to take on everything coming your way.

So check in with yourself. Have you eaten? Are you hydrated? Can you take a nap if you need one? Tackle those first. 

Mindfully distract yourself.

Witnessing destruction in your neighborhood and hearing stories of loss can trigger symptoms of stress and anxiety, like nightmares, flashbacks, or persistent fear.  

If you’re experiencing this, know that this response is likely your mind and body processing trauma—and you don’t have to wait until the symptoms worsen to seek relief from the emotional toll.

One helpful tool is called mindful distraction. This can help you cultivate calm by distracting yourself for a bit. JFYI, distraction isn’t the same thing as avoidance. It’s a self-soothing technique and signals a sense of calm to your body. 

You can start by inhaling for four counts and exhaling for six to eight counts until you feel a little more grounded. Another option is called safe havening. Gently stroke your arms or face while visualizing a soothing image. It could be anything! No matter which route you go (maybe you use both), it can help relieve those overwhelming feelings. 

Connect with people who get it. 

Going through a traumatic event like this can make you feel incredibly lonely. That’s why seeking out others who directly relate to what you’re experiencing can be incredibly helpful. Of course, you might not be ready to talk about what’s happened yet. It’s OK to take your time and respect your readiness. 

But, when you’re ready, sharing aspects of your experience can help reduce the weight of the pain, lowering the volume of your big feelings. It also helps you understand what you’ve been through as you create a narrative around it. As you get more grounded, you’ll be in a better place to plan next steps. 

At the same time, when speaking to those who’ve lost their homes, evacuated, or have family members who are affected, you’ll feel more understood and supported. Their experiences help validate your experiences. 

If you’re not sure who to turn to, try reaching out to your neighbors, finding support groups, or visiting local relief organizations.

Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.

Lots of people who weren’t directly affected feel like they aren’t allowed to be anxious, sad, or grieve the devastation of this event. Others, especially those who were impacted, often lean into toxic positivity. 

No matter what your situation, we all need space to feel the full range of emotions cycling through our bodies right now. If we don’t allow them to come up, we can experience psychological distress. 

Having a hard time right now? Take some time to check in with your emotions at the beginning of each day. When things feel too heavy, give yourself permission to sit with the anxiety, grief, sadness, anger, frustration, or whatever’s going on.

Write a letter to what you lost.

Being directly impacted by the fires brings loss on many levels: loss of loved ones, possessions, places tied to special memories, and what could have been. Healing begins when we allow our grief to take up space. Start by asking yourself this question, If my grief could talk, what would it say? This can be a powerful way to honor and process your grief and learn more about what matters to us.

Get clear on what you’re grieving. Is it a loved one? A place? A pet? Your photo albums? The furniture handed down by your grandparents? Write a letter to the person, place, or possession, and share your memories and feelings about them. Talk about what they meant to you. 

Even as you begin to rebuild your life, you may notice a longing for what was. When that happens, acknowledge this as a very normal part of the healing process.

Find comfort in a routine.

Cultivating a routine is an underrated tool for navigating trauma. That’s because doing the same things on a regular basis provides a sense of stability—especially when life is unpredictable. Engaging in consistent and calming activities can combat the fight-or-flight response activated by a traumatic event. 

If you were directly impacted, I want you to honor and respect your capacity with this one. If your bandwidth is limited, start small. Identify something reasonable you can do on a daily basis. This might be waking up at the same time, setting aside 10 minutes to write, or making your to-do list at the start of each day. Any consistent and calming activity can help.

For those who weren’t directly impacted, it might feel odd to go back to your regularly scheduled agenda when other peoples’ lives are so disrupted. But remember this: We can only be of service to others after we tend to ourselves.

Get creative. 

Holding on to your sense of self and the stuff that brings you joy can feel daunting right now, but it’s a powerful tool for coping. That’s because creativity offers an outlet for expressing and processing your emotions. Whether it’s an art project, dancing, creative writing, or just doodling on a napkin, creativity can externalize our internal state, which can reduce stress. Los Angelenos know the power of collective creativity! 

Help others. 

If you’ve been directly impacted by the wildfires, volunteering can give you a sense of control, purpose, and connection during an overwhelming time. However, it’s important to check in with yourself and volunteer when you’re emotionally and physically ready. If you notice that volunteering is leading to burnout or feels triggering, then honor your personal limitations and focus on self-care. 

In my experience, being part of a collective recovery effort with like-minded people creates opportunities to share your experience within a supportive environment. 

If you’re on the outside looking in on this tragic event, you might feel anxious, depressed, or sad (all of which are rightful to experience). To interrupt those states, without bypassing your emotions, taking action can be super helpful for those who have the bandwidth.

For example, when I volunteered at the Santa Anita Racetrack, I met another volunteer, a Palisades resident, whose experience was similar to mine. While her place remained safe, she felt the pain for her neighbors who couldn’t say the same. The opportunity to speak with her was an outlet that I didn’t know I needed. You might need something like that too.

Advocate for change.

What kind of clinical social worker would I be if I didn’t talk about healing from a macro perspective? I believe that it is our social responsibility to care for one another. We heal in community. That’s why coping with the anxiety, grief, and trauma of these fires can also include advocating for changes that prevent future generations from suffering the same experiences. 

There are many approaches for addressing the structural and systemic issues contributing to these disasters: Advocating for equitable rebuilding efforts, collaborating with local organizations to build community care, and pushing for policies that address climate change.

The post How Do We Begin to Tackle the Grief and Trauma From These Fires? appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 12.12.24

Everyone Is Crashing Out—Here’s What That Means and How to Deal

It’s like trying to fight off a fire-breathing dragon with a pair of tweezers. ByLauren Del Turco

If you feel like you’ve been on the verge of losing your shit for, I don’t know, the last month or so, welcome to the club. Our impossibly short fuse can’t handle one more panic-inducing headline or racist comment from Grandpa Joe. According to the youth (and social media), we’re all seconds away from “crashing out.” 

For the uninitiated, crashing out—at least this version of the phrase—means losing your shit in a big, impulsive, or reckless way. It’s flipping a table when someone tells you to pay attention (IYKYK). It’s sporadically quitting your job without a backup plan because you just can’t anymore. It’s throwing a drink in someone’s face after they insult you. 

The trend is likely a reflection of how some people (or all people?) are grappling with feelings of overwhelm, burnout, and exhaustion right now, says therapist Aimee Estrin, LMSW, who specializes in anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. “The fact that it is a viral trend speaks volumes about the collective state of mental wellbeing,” says Estrin. Yikes.

If the state of the world, your on-again-off-again relationship, holiday family drama, or end-of-year expectations have pushed you over the edge, you might relate to that crashing-out feeling. Here’s more about what that means and, most importantly, how to deal.

What does crashing out really mean? 

The experience isn’t a new one. “Essentially, crashing out is when you get so overwhelmed that you stop thinking about consequences and just react,” explains Alo Johnston, LMFT. Before TikTok made this thing a thing, you’d probably refer to that feeling as “losing it” or “snapping.” It’s the same deal, just a new name.

Simply put, when you’re so overwhelmed or triggered that you do something impulsive or irrational, you’re crashing out, says Estrin. However a crash plays out, it generally starts like this: An event, situation, thought, or something else brings up intense emotions. You feel completely out of control, then you lash out or act out in response. 

Basically half the internet claims to be crashing out right now, and they’re probably not wrong. That’s because crashing-out behavior can take a lot of forms. Sometimes it’s self-destructive but relatively tame, like staying up all night to watch a show. But it could also be more serious, like quitting your job on the fly or throwing a punch. All of these count!

JSYK, the term is also used in the bipolar community to describe the transition from a high-energy manic episode to a depressive period, says Estrin. That said, most people in your feed likely aren’t using it that way, Estrin adds.

Why do we crash out?

Crashing out is more than just getting mad or upset, it’s a full-on system overload in which, “a single event or trigger, or the build-up of multiple events or triggers, overwhelms your capacity to cope, self-soothe, and process your emotions,” explains Johnston.

But what causes a crash-out depends on the person experiencing it. “Often, unresolved inner wounds—like trauma—or unmet emotional needs are exposed by specific situations,” explains Estrin. “Beneath the surface, it’s a mix of external triggers and inner vulnerabilities coming to a head.”

The thing that sets you off might be a mystery until it happens, but when it does, it can shed some light on the parts of you that need some TLC, says Estrin. If you find that certain situations provoke a big reaction, you can use that info to investigate what might be behind this emotional response, she says. It’s possible you might find something like a fear of abandonment, rejection, or inferiority that needs to be processed a bit more, Estrin explains.

If you can’t Nancy Drew your way to a clear pattern, crashing out in itself is a solid sign that you’re feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, Johnston notes. When you’re hanging on by a thread and a double espresso, “anything that causes an emotional reaction could be the thing that pushes you over the edge,” he says. In other words, it’s a warning worth taking seriously.

What to do if you’re currently (or on the verge of) crashing out

Based on the number of people sharing their breakdowns on the interwebs, you’re in good company. Here’s what to do the next time you’re seeing red.

1. Get out of your brain and into your body.

Ration and logic won’t do much for you if you’re slipping into a crash-out, says Johnston. The volume of your emotions is turned up too high to think your way out of the panic, rage, hopelessness, or whatever feeling has you on edge.

Your best bet here is to ground into your body, the experts agree. That could look like a few minutes of deep breathing (inhale for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for six) or focusing on something you can see, hear, touch, or smell until you feel more present. Holding an ice cube or taking a cold shower is effective too, Johnston says. Whatever route you take, getting back into the present moment “offers an intense enough sensory experience (without being dangerous) to disrupt the crash-out and allow you to eventually get back to other kinds of problem-solving,” he explains.

2. Punch a pillow (yeah, really).

If you’re shifting into Hulk mode, take it out on a pillow. “This can help you let go of pent-up physical energy and process your emotions in a way that will not harm you or someone else,” Estrin says. Feel a little weird about doing that? Don’t! Although many of us were taught that anger and frustration are bad, there is no shame in them. Fully feeling and expressing those aggressive emotions is totally fine with the right outlet, she explains.

3. Take a walk.

Throwing on your sneakers and busting out the door can keep you from completely spiraling, Estrin says. For example, an analysis of previous research found that consistently exercising for at least four weeks reduced peoples’ blood pressure response to stressful situations. Plus, going for a walk when you’re fully on the brim of freaking out gives you a chance to take a beat before doing something you’ll regret, adds Estrin. 

4. Talk it out or write down what you’re feeling.

Naming your emotions can be a powerful first step in releasing their white-knuckle grip on you, says Estrin. When you’re feeling unhinged, jot it down in a journal, vent to a friend, or just mentally note that you’re spiraling. 

If you’re not even sure what you’re feeling, take a peek at a feelings wheel, adds Estrin. This is a visual tool that looks like a giant circle divided up into slices (check out this one from Gloria Willcox, PhD). Therapists sometimes use these to help their clients ID what’s going on for them. At the center, you’ll find the overarching categories of emotions, the ones you’re probably most familiar with. As you move outward, the feels get more specific. So, start at the center and work your way out until you’ve found the ones that are most relevant to you. 

5. Get cozy.

Crashing out might leave you feeling pretty powerless, but helping your body feel safe by soothing your system can help with that, says Johnston. What feels most chill will vary from person to person, so ask yourself what your body needs. It could be a long hug or cuddle from someone you love or crawling under a pile of blankets to watch Love Actually for the thousandth time. Warming up something comforting like soup or cocoa works too! 

6. Set some boundaries.

OK, save this one for the post-crash-out period. Once you’ve emerged from your cave, audit the factors that contributed to you losing it. Then, use those observations to create some boundaries that will keep you from getting pulled under again, Johnston suggests. That might look like setting strict limits on how much news you read, letting your brother know you absolutely will not discuss politics with him, or scheduling time to make sure you’re eating/sleeping/moving enough. 

7. Call in reinforcements.

If crashing out is just another Tuesday for you, consider it a not-so-subtle nudge to check in with a mental health professional, the experts say. “Doing so can help you uncover underlying issues such as trauma, stress, or unmet needs,” Estrin explains. From there, you can work together to build out your menu of go-to coping skills and see yourself out of the crash-out trend.

The post Everyone Is Crashing Out—Here’s What That Means and How to Deal appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 11.25.24

18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health

One woman left an office job after her boss made her clean the toilets. #NoThanks. BySam Brodsky

If you’re on week 12 of asking your group chat, “Should I quit my job?” or you’ve secretly Googled, “quitting job for mental health,” during every shitty meeting, this one’s for you. 

Whether you’re overworked, your company culture is toxic as heck, or your job doesn’t align with what’s important to you, any of that can make you feel burnt to a crisp, says Christina Maslach, PhD, researcher on job burnout and professor of psychology (emerita) at the University of California, Berkeley. And while quiet quitting can sometimes buy you time, it’s probably not a long-term solution to a problematic workplace. 

Maybe you’re tempted to just suck it up and try a little conflict management until something better comes along, so here’s a friendly reminder: Burnout can snowball into negative self-esteem, anxiety, or depression, explains Dr. Maslach, coauthor of The Burnout Challenge: Managing People’s Relationships with Their Jobs. Your crappy work life could spill over into a crappy life  life (see: crashing out).

If you’re self-aware enough to spot the signs that your gig isn’t a fit anymore, quitting a job for mental health reasons might make sense—even if you don’t have a backup plan. Obviously, if you had a stockpile of savings and/or you were sure you could find a less terrible job fast, you would’ve done that by now. We get that. So how do you know if forgoing a paycheck will be less stressful than resenting work? There’s truly no right answer here.

That said, we spoke to people who quit jobs for their mental health (without another lined up) to learn how they navigated that decision and its aftermath. Hopefully, their stories will help you find your own path forward. 

1. Ask yourself what achievement looks like.

“Last year, I left a six-figure sales job because I was so stressed out and unhappy. I had zero passion for what I was doing and had to be available 24/7. I felt trapped in a world that I never wanted to be in and knew that corporate America would drain me of all my sanity if I stayed any longer. It affected my mood at home and heightened my anxiety. My partner felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me because the stress from work would often make me snap.  

I learned that no job is worth losing yourself. I decided to take the time I needed to figure out my next step instead of  jumping into another job that would perpetuate the cycle of unhappiness. In the end, that meant going for a degree in social work, which is a field that actually inspires and fulfills me. Sure, I’ve lost money that took me years to save, but I’m so much happier now. It’s safe to say that quitting a job for my mental health was 100% worth it.” —Mallory H., 29

2. Separate your identity from your job.

“I quit my teaching job because of burnout and anxiety. I taught through the pandemic and the chaotic time that followed. I had to teach two to three curriculums at once to a variety of learning levels and an average of 200 students each year. I felt very little support in my workplace. It got to the point where I was anxious on weekends and breaks because I dreaded going back. Still, I used to always say, ‘I am  a teacher.’ I felt like teaching was part of who I am and that couldn’t change, even with a dark cloud over me at all times.

I had a wake-up call that life is too short to be this miserable when it can end at any point. I spent the next year planning my exit from education and resigned the following winter without anything lined up. After being unemployed for a bit, I started an internship to learn cybersecurity, and that company eventually hired me as a full-time employee.

I’ve learned that a career does not define you. It is so easy to get stuck in the identity of whatever field you choose to pursue. Reframing your mindset and separating your job from who you are is so important for overall mental well-being. A job comes and goes, but your mental health stays with you forever.” —Helen E., 29

3. Notice how your job is affecting you.

“I began to feel a real imbalance between my professional and personal life. My wake-up call was brutal and happened when I worked until 8 p.m. the day I was supposed to celebrate my birthday. After quitting, I learned that prioritizing my mental health was the best decision, even if it felt terrifying at the time. I realized how important it is to set boundaries and recognize when a job is no longer serving you, no matter how much experience or growth it initially offered. Trusting myself, despite not having a clear plan forward, allowed me to rebuild and find opportunities more aligned with my values.

Looking back, I do wish I had leaned more on my support system. It’s easy to isolate yourself when you’re overwhelmed, but reaching out to friends, family, or even a mentor could have made the process less daunting. Finding a community of professionals who’ve faced similar challenges could have been invaluable as well.

My biggest advice is don’t ignore the signs that your work is negatively impacting your mental health. No job is worth sacrificing your well-being. If you’re considering quitting, take time to reflect on what you truly want and, if possible, build a safety net first—financially or by securing another role. However, if you’re at a breaking point, and you can afford it, your mental health 100% has to come first.” —Olivia A., 32

4. Take time to grieve and to plan. 

“I didn’t really notice how much I was suffering until my inner circle voiced how they saw my job impacting my life outside of the office. My family flagged my changes in mood, specifically my irritability and hopelessness. And my friends noticed my absence.

But I knew for certain I needed to quit when work became debilitating. I struggled to sleep and dreaded getting out of bed. Leaving my job was the best decision, even without having another one lined up—and I would absolutely do it again.

I found that taking time off for myself afterward, rather than frantically taking the first opportunity, was critical to recover from the burnout and emotional fatigue of a toxic workplace. Yes, I did grieve a bit. I needed that time to just feel bad about the situation (and feel bad for myself) before I could move on. 

The time off also allowed me to break down what I needed versus what I wanted from work. I made a list of all the things I couldn’t tolerate in a new position. I also wrote out what I thought I’d been good at in my previous role and what duties I struggled with or didn’t enjoy. This made it easier to pick jobs with responsibilities that fit me better.” —Taylor M.

5. Give extra notice (if you can).

“I quit my job because I felt extremely burnt out and dreaded every workday. I found myself unable to separate my personal and work life to the point where I was experiencing anxiety and depression. Aside from resigning, the best choice I made was giving my employer a 30-day notice—which I know not everyone is able to do. When I looked into applying to jobs again, I had a positive relationship with my higher-ups, who wrote me great recommendations. I also knew the company was understaffed, so I used part of my 30 days to help train a new employee. It was a win-win.” —Anonymous

6. Check in with your support system as early as possible. 

“I worked in healthcare PR. At my old job, I felt like a doctor on call, needing to answer my boss and manager at any time. And instead of any positive feedback, my manager and boss only gave me negative feedback. 

I’ll never forget that my boss used to make me draft every single email, including simple response emails that would be sent to the client, directly to her. I once forgot a comma, and instead of telling me the error I had made in my draft and telling me it was only ONE error, my boss wrote back, ‘I can not get past the first paragraph without finding an error. There are multiple spelling and grammatical errors. Please rewrite.’

I wasn’t sleeping, eating, or taking care of my health. I developed horrific stress headaches and would cry when I went to work. My boss and manager were extremely controlling and out-of-control micromanagers. A couple months after quitting, my tension headaches went away, I started putting myself first, and I became a better version of myself and who I am today. 

At the end of the day, I had a good support system. I also had a unique situation because I lived in NYC and was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck, so I was really scared to quit. That being said, getting my parents on board was really important since I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to get another job and I wasn’t sure if I was going to need help paying rent. I had enough savings, but I get really anxious about money and savings (as we all do). And my friends and other coworkers at the job could not have been more supportive too.” —Emma H. 

7. Do your research before jumping right into another job.  

“I’ve held a few jobs in my life that impacted my mental health mostly in the same ways (no appreciation from management, general discomfort from coworkers, etc.). I left because it came to the point where I didn’t want to get up in the morning, my favorite hobbies and stress-reducers weren’t helping me anymore, and I flat out wasn’t enjoying my time outside of work. I was so worried about what had happened the day before or what would happen when I went in the next day. I had managers micromanaging my every move, every email, and every break. No one likes to be watched like a hawk. And whether it was my paranoia or not, it felt as though coworkers were getting in on this game of ‘we didn’t want to hire her so let’s just run her out of the company.’ It became incredibly anxiety-inducing and depressing to exist in that environment. 

After quitting, it did make me feel better—the weight was lifted. However, I did leave feeling incredibly violated. I became desperate at times, picking up the next best thing just because I thought it would be better. The jobs did look better on the outside, but when you’re in a shitty environment, anything looks better. I signed onto a position to have more money, more stability, a different manager, whatever it was, just to fall into similar traps because I didn’t do enough research. I have learned to trust my gut, get out when I can, and research jobs more (ask questions during interviews, read up on reviews of companies, do deep dives on LinkedIn, etc.) to make better judgements and decisions.” —Sam M., 27

8. Don’t rule out self-employment. 

“The office I worked for was very tight-knit, and I was the newbie. Some people were welcoming and others couldn’t have cared less. I became pregnant shortly after being hired and had pregnancy complications that led to bed rest. Not a single person checked in on me then or when I had my baby. When I returned to work, I got COVID. My whole household did. Even my newborn baby. Again, no one from my office checked in on me or wished me well. The owner’s wife baked a cake for everyone’s birthday—except mine. So this atmosphere of being excluded really led me down a road of hating what I did for a living and questioning what I was doing. It led to ill feelings and self-doubt. For a while, I thought maybe I did something wrong. Eventually, I came to the realization that it wasn’t me and they were losing employees for a reason. I decided to exit the working world and stay home with my kids and become self-employed instead.

I now have an Etsy shop selling essential-oil-related products. I found this passion long before I quit my job but was never able to pursue it as fully as I wanted because I didn’t have the time or energy while working. 

I also do food delivery services like DoorDash and help my husband run his business doing exterior cleaning. My advice to others is to have a heart-to-heart with themselves and to do what is truly best for them. Being self-employed is very scary and requires a lot of passion and research. And it’s a huge leap of faith. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you and your family.” —Ashley W., 32 

9. Set a resignation “due date.”

“My mental health rapidly declined at my first job out of college because I had a bad boss. Everyone knew, but no one supported me. We were an in-house marketing team of two for a company with several subdivisions, which meant lots of work and a constant stream of consciousness from my superior from when I logged on in the morning to when I logged off at night. It wasn’t collaboration that was coming through the team’s chat but consistent negative feedback.

I reached out to HR and had a formal conversation with them about how I was being micromanaged and was unhappy with my treatment. They said they’d escalate it to my boss’s supervisor because they were concerned. The escalation didn’t take place. They went directly to my boss who, in turn, seemed to take it out on me. 

I think the best thing I did for myself was quitting when I did. My only regret is that I didn’t quit sooner because I am still dealing with the mental health impact of my previous role and the self-doubt that it ingrained in me. 

Finances were a huge reason why I stayed in my role. I have prided myself in being financially independent ever since leaving college, and it felt absolutely shameful to put that at risk, especially with rent, car payment, insurance payment, and student loans due each month. My advice for those who feel the same anxieties I did about financial insecurity would be this: Give yourself a resignation letter due date and live significantly below your means until then. Stick to that due date, save your money, and start looking, but whether you have a lead on a new role or not, commit to that date. Be a gig worker (Grubhub, Uber, Wag/Rover, Care.com, etc.) and monetize the skills you do have (graphic design, social media/content, website building, writing…whatever) and figure it out until you find the right role that won’t hurt your mental health.” —Anonymous 

10. Maybe don’t start a new job right away if you’re still struggling mentally.

“I had a harassment situation at a previous job. I took a new one right away, which was amazing, but it turns out that I was not ready to work again. And so I had to quit that new job in order to take care of my mental health.

I was extremely lucky that I had the finances to be able to leave without a plan B, but I also had no choice. I had left a very bad job to go into a great one without taking the time I needed to heal. As a result, I was still feeling terrible and was not able to give my best. When you are in an ideal situation and you still feel horrible, unable to be present or efficient, you have no choice but to stop and take care of yourself. So my advice is this: Take the time you need to heal. Getting into a new job, even if it’s great, will not fix your mental health. Taking care of yourself will. And the next great job will be that much more amazing with you at 100%.” —Juliette C., 32

11. Ask yourself what you truly want before you leave.

“Between experiencing severe burnout and recognizing that I was meant for so much more than just designing emails, creating banner ads for products I didn’t care about, and changing retail prices over and over and over again, I decided to quit. Now, don’t get me wrong…there were still a handful of good things that I learned from this job, like working with a great boss who was always in my corner and learning to be open, honest, and clear with communication skills.

But the job was still the job. It was extremely repetitive and draining. My mental health and way of thinking started to suffer and decline to a deeply resentful, negative, and depressive space. I was choosing the same thing day in and day out, knowing how it made me feel, hoping that one day I would suddenly love my job and love what I did. 

My honest advice for others thinking about quitting without any other job lined up, like I did, would be to ask yourself: Do I love what I do? Does my job make me happy? What do I really want right now? And is this job supporting what I need? 

I think we often associate our happiness or our self-worth so deeply with our job, career, and overall output of work that we forget to pause and check in with ourselves to ask if this is right for us, if it’s helping or hurting us, and what we value most. I would highly recommend doing some reflection for yourself around the topic before jumping to conclusions and taking a leap of faith that may seem like it is for a good and reasonable cause but ends up being a decision that may impact your mental health state even more negatively. It all depends on the person. 

Asking these questions also helps us take one step forward in the right direction and make the changes that we want to make—one being a better, more fitting job that won’t negatively affect our mental health—because we’re thinking more clearly and know what we will and will not tolerate. In the end, you know you  best. Lining up another job before you quit your current one may very well be the best thing for you personally, and that’s OK. But it’s also OK to take time off to get your head clear and your mind right so that you can make better choices in the future.” —Jess S.

12. Treat yourself like the asset you are.

“I ultimately quit my first job out of college toward the beginning of the pandemic. I had been there about four and a half years, long before COVID hit, and I had a toxic relationship with my company. It was a marketing agency with demanding clients and a rather small team, considering the volume of work we were doing. There was a lot of over-promising and over-delivering without any reflection or rest, which snowballed into a heavy amount of stress. I did have a lot of autonomy and responsibility that I enjoyed, but I was exhausted at the end of every day.

I had five bosses in the time I was there, so the lack of interest in my growth or having any sort of stability in my department contributed to the burnout too. Once COVID hit, the business I worked on was restructured and I began reporting into my fifth and last boss. She was unbelievably cold and rude, and she lacked empathy at any level. Dealing with her and the long hours left no time for me to figure out how I was going to get out of the hamster wheel I found myself in.

All of that said, I became awful to be around. I couldn’t sleep, I would find myself sobbing at least once a day, I became nauseous whenever I tried to eat, I started having heart palpitations, and I was mean. I knew I needed to quit.

The complete turnaround in my health and my demeanor upon leaving that job was immediate. Even my final two weeks were so different from what the experience had become. In starting my second job, and the others I’ve had after that, I’ve been very clear with my managers and teams about boundaries. I’m no longer available at any and all hours. It’s now a nonnegotiable that I need to have some movement in my day too, whether that’s a Peloton class, going to the yoga studio, or even just taking a walk around the neighborhood. I’ve learned that I need to put myself first and prioritize my well-being in order to be an asset in the workplace. Tired, mean, hungry Me is not going to produce anything useful. 

My advice for others is to take the leap if they are thinking about quitting their jobs without another lined up. Definitely have an emergency fund of sorts to cover your expenses between roles. I had that, and even though I found a new role relatively quickly, knowing I’d be OK for several months was a big factor in my decision. This also gives you the time to reassess your career with a clear head and determine what the right next step is.” —Anonymous 

13. Quitting may help you realize your value.

“At the time, I was in my 20s as a healthcare manager for a well-known London hospital, and I experienced workplace bullying from hospital consultants. It went on for a number of months, and I was broken. I had gotten myself into very unhealthy working practices so they wouldn’t have any ammunition: working long hours, trying to carry a heavy workload, responding to all emails, working when off sick or on holiday. I was stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and felt awful physically and mentally.

I saw a leadership coach, who made me realize the only thing in this situation that I could control was myself. I had a choice. I did not need to stay in this environment, and I trusted that whatever happened, I would find work and be OK regardless. I took on a temporary role, which was a breath of fresh air, staying for a year until the ideal permanent opportunity came along. I absolutely learned from this that no job was worth my sanity. I also realized my value. This was a lesson that when you trust in yourself, great things happen.” —Merrisha G.

14. Get an outside perspective from someone you trust.

“I quit because I felt disrespected by coworkers and a manager. I was already on the fence before coming into this one specific shift, but after being verbally accosted by a coworker and completely unsupported by management, I didn’t even give a two-week notice. I told them I would finish the shift and then I was done. I was so drained at this job. Between being a student and working three-to-four times a week at this restaurant gig, I had no free time, even though I needed the money. I missed family vacations and left hangouts with friends early to meet the demands of my schedule, which really isolated me. I also had zero energy when I was off the clock. I would sleep all day until my shift, work my ass off for hours, and then go home and crash.

When I quit, I was really freaked out. Even though it would have been a lot less stressful if I had another job lined up, the way I quit spoke to the effects the job had on my mental health. I had messaged my partner earlier that day, asking if he thought we could swing it if I left because I knew this shift was my last straw. I didn’t want to put the bills on him, and I knew this would be a dramatic cut to my already low funds. He told me we would figure it out and that my mental health was more important than money. I am so thankful for him because without him, I would still be there.” —Michaela A., 27

15. Consider therapy to help work through any trauma or uncertainty. 

“I’ve worked in the nonprofit sector most of my life, trying to help others and neglecting myself. I most recently worked in the homeless service sector with people with lots of trauma. Vicarious trauma is real. Thankfully, I saved money in case I decided to leave. I’m glad I did that, and I have a therapist who is helping me navigate the uncertainty of what’s next.” —Anonymous

16. Decide how you want to better approach your next job.

“I’ve been an overachieving perfectionist my whole life (but only recently got diagnosed with OCD). I was so excited to start my first full-time job after college on a small staff. I loved the duties I got to do and enjoyed my team members, but I was always being pulled in so many directions. I stayed at the job for a little over two years. 

When I left, my bosses were shocked, which frustrates me to this day because I had told them at my second annual review (where I received a promotion), several months before, that I was feeling burnt out and needed something to change. Nothing did, so I took matters into my own hands.

I feel fortunate that I was in a financial position to put in my two-weeks notice without knowing what would come next. The giddy euphoria I felt afterwards so outweighed the dread I had felt leading up to it. I was able to put in my last two weeks on a good note and take two weeks off before I started a new job (which I was offered the week after I put my notice in).

During the time off, I looked up healthy habits for the workplace and figured out how I could apply those. Thankfully, my new job environment has its own protections against burnout, but I still stick to my new routine. The best things I’ve done are waking up an hour earlier than I need to for breakfast, doing simple chores like making my bed and unloading dishes, and taking time to snuggle and play with my cats. At my old job, I’d rush to work, arrive just on time, and begrudgingly eat breakfast at my desk feeling like I had no control over my time. Now, I start every morning fueling up and putting myself in charge of my day.” —Ashley F., 24

17. Check out workplace mental health resources if you can.

“I taught behavioral science for eight years. It was extremely rewarding in the beginning, but my relationship with my boss, who had mentored me and was a teacher of mine—because it was the same institution where I’d gone to school—became toxic. That really took a toll on my mental health. A lot of lines were blurred between personal and professional. 

At the same time, I was noticing more and more mental health issues in my students, and our counseling services at the school were not so great. I was in therapy already, but if faculty members wanted to seek any kind of support services at the school, there was really only one school psychologist who was rarely ever there.

Between the toxic relationship with my boss and the students’ stories when they came to me after class, with me taking on their trauma and having my own, it was out of control. I was coming home hysterical every day, and so I ultimately decided to leave. 

I would try to research if there are mental services in your company or what your company has in terms of time off. Also look into that if you’re trying to find another job once you’ve quit. I would like to think the lack of resources has changed.” —Lindsay A., 37

18. Remember your worth and that there’s no one definition of success.

“I quit my job because I worked in a soul-sucking office environment where our bosses constantly looked over our shoulders to ensure we were being productive. They were so obsessed with making sure they didn’t pay us for even a second that we weren’t working that we had to clock out when we went to the bathroom or to microwave our sad frozen meals. 

Obviously, this affected my mental health. Not only did they mistrust us with their time and pressure us to keep constant focus, but they also forced us—most often women—to perform menial tasks like moving boxes in and out of storage and cleaning toilets. In a setting where I felt constantly watched, often doubted, and sometimes demeaned, I began to feel hopeless and disempowered. I was only there for five months. 

The final straw for me was when my boss forced me to clean a toilet and then, in the same week, gave me a measly $1,000 raise, where most people in the office received $2,000 or $3,000 raises. When I asked my boss for the reasoning behind my lower raise, he explained to me that that’s what he thought I was worth. I told him, with tears in my eyes, that I couldn’t continue to work there—even though I didn’t have a job lined up and had just moved into my first apartment with my own lease two months prior, the only saving grace being that I split the rent with my boyfriend at the time. 

I handed out paper résumés, looking for freelance jobs, side gigs, anything I was slightly interested in at places that had positive environments. At the end of the day, I ended up with a part-time job working for a florist and a freelance gig writing blog content for a boutique.

I immediately loved the flower shop. Everyone was nice, the admin work was easy, and I occasionally got to clean and arrange flowers, which genuinely made me happy. And when I realized I was happy, I did another thing: I stopped feeling bad about not achieving my definition of success within two years of college graduation. I stopped feeling bad that I didn’t have a full-time job with a career trajectory outlined, and I gave myself a break. I told myself it was OK to take time and find a corporate environment that could give me a higher salary, job security, and the future career I looked forward to—as long as I kept myself safe, sane, and far away from anywhere like my last job. If I had a job that was making me miserable, I would quit without a backup plan again in a heartbeat—without cleaning a toilet this time.” —Marisa W. 

These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 18 People Get Real About Quitting Their Jobs for Their Mental Health appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 11.22.24

Is Quiet BPD a Thing?

The internal struggle is real. ByKara Cuzzone

Quiet BPD (or quiet borderline personality disorder) is the latest mental health term making the rounds on social media, and it seems to be referring to borderline personality disorder symptoms that are more internal than external. Kind of like how high-functioning depression is used to describe people who don’t necessarily seem depressed, quiet BPD is a label that’s used to describe those who have symptoms of borderline personality disorder, but they’re not outwardly obvious. Or, at least, they’re not outwardly obvious in all areas of a person’s life. 

That said, quiet BPD isn’t an actual diagnosis you’d find in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), which can make all this a little confusing. That’s why we spoke to mental health pros who can explain what quiet BPD might actually be referring to and what to do if you think you have it. Turns out, it’s a little more complicated than you think. 

What is borderline personality disorder? 

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that involves difficulty managing your emotions, a distorted sense of self, and impulsivity—all of which can negatively impact a person’s relationship with themself and others, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. 

When diagnosing borderline personality disorder, mental health professionals typically look out for signs like frequent angry outbursts, patterns of relationship issues, and self-harm or suicide attempts. Because of that, people who have borderline personality disorder are often unfairly described as dramatic, manipulative, angry, and attention-seeking, according to a small study published in Psychiatry Research Communications. Yeah, there’s a serious stigma here. 

Borderline personality disorder symptoms can show up in different ways, but all people with the condition experience chronic internal distress, confusion, and emotional dysregulation across multiple areas of their lives, explains Alexander Kriss, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of Borderline: The Biography of a Personality Disorder. 

Unlike conditions like depression and anxiety which tend to come and go over the course of someone’s lifetime, borderline personality disorder symptoms tend to remain constant until they’re addressed, he adds. 

In order to be officially diagnosed, you have to have at least five of nine symptoms outlined in the DSM-5-TR, which include the angry outbursts, relationship issues, and self-harm behaviors we mentioned above. There can also be symptoms like a persistently unstable sense of self, impulsivity that can be self-damaging, chronic feelings of emptiness, and going to great lengths to avoid abandonment. 

Because this is a personality disorder, the symptoms need to be part of an enduring pattern that starts in early adulthood—not something that comes and goes in episodes, like major depression disorder. 

So what is quiet BPD? 

Quiet BPD isn’t a clinical term or an actual diagnosis, but some people use it to refer to those who have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder without fitting the classic presentation, says Shireen Rizvi, PhD, clinical psychologist and founder of DBT-RU, a dialectical behavior therapy outpatient training clinic at Rutgers University. 

As with other non-clinical terms like high-functioning depression or high-functioning anxiety, quiet BPD seems to imply that these symptoms don’t impact people to a noticeable degree, at least from an outsider’s perspective. Hence the “quiet” label, explains Lauren Kerwin, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating borderline personality disorder. 

For instance, instead of the loud, angry outbursts as the DSM-5-TR describes, someone with quiet BPD might direct their rage inward and become extremely self-critical. Or, instead of expressing a deep fear of abandonment by being clingy, a person with quiet BPD might isolate to avoid that feeling altogether, explains Dr. Kerwin. 

Plus, the more relevant and pervasive symptoms of borderline personality disorder can be harder to see from the outside, adds Dr. Kriss. Folks who have borderline personality disorder experience high levels of emotional distress, and many of them experience chronic feelings of emptiness, numbness, or dissociation (feeling detached from reality). 

They also tend to struggle with their sense of identity and are highly sensitive to criticism. These are all symptoms that exist on the “quiet” end of the borderline spectrum since others wouldn’t necessarily know you’re going through them (unless you say something). 

How can you tell if you have quiet BPD? 

The only way to know for sure is to seek out a therapist. Regardless of whether you’re experiencing symptoms like intense anger, self-harm, and relationship issues or the “quieter” internal issues like feelings of emptiness and patterns of confusion about your sense of self, seeking professional help enables you to manage symptoms, take care of your mental health, and improve your relationship with yourself and others.

Keep in mind that it’s also possible to have some symptoms of borderline personality disorder without meeting the official diagnostic criteria, so there’s a chance you’re in that boat. If that’s the case, you’ll still benefit from some of the same treatment strategies, says Dr. Kerwin. 

Just make sure to look for a therapist with a background in treating borderline personality disorder. There’s still a lot of stigma around this disorder—even among mental health professionals—so looking for someone who has experience helping clients with borderline personality disorder will help ensure that you get the care you deserve, says Dr. Kriss. One way to do that is by searching for a provider through the Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center directory. 

How is quiet BPD treated? 

All presentations of borderline personality disorder—quiet or not—can be treated the same way. The most common treatment for borderline personality disorder is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Rather than examining your thought patterns and trying to change them like you do in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), DBT is all about learning specific skills to help you cope with symptoms. You’ll learn emotional regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and mindfulness, says Dr. Rizvi. And all of these techniques can be helpful, even if your symptoms are mostly the quieter ones. 

But therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. If DBT doesn’t sound like the right vibe for you, or you try it and don’t feel like it’s a fit, there are other options. Mentalization-based therapy (MBT) is another fairly common approach to treating borderline personality disorder. It involves learning how to identify and understand what other people are thinking and feeling, since that’s something people with borderline can have a hard time with, explains Dr. Rizvi. 

There’s also transference-focused therapy (TFT), which involves exploring social roles and interpersonal relationships through your relationship with your therapist, and schema-focused therapy (SFT), which is all about helping you change unhelpful thought and behavior patterns. 

Therapy is the primary treatment method for borderline personality disorder but Dr. Kerwin and Dr. Rizvi agree that, anecdotally, medications like SSRIs or mood stabilizers can help treat anxiety and mood-related symptoms that go along with it. So that’s an option too.

The bottom line: If you’ve been suffering from borderline personality disorder symptoms in silence, know that you’re not alone. And you don’t have to meet some arbitrary (see:  noticeable) level of suffering to seek help. There are effective, evidence-based treatments that can help you feel better. In the meantime, there are a whole bunch of resources available through the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder.

The post Is Quiet BPD a Thing? appeared first on Wondermind.