Stories Link Copied 03.18.25

31 People Share How They’re Coping Right Now

Jurassic Park, rage singing, and drinking kombucha in a parking lot. It’s all here. BySusie Moore

If you’re feeling off this year, you’re certainly not alone. Things have been happening at a rapid-fire pace, and we can only take so much. 

As a life coach, I know there are plenty of very mindful, healthy ways to relieve anxiety. But I learned never to shame a coping skill years ago. For better or worse, we all have our thing.

Maybe you’re an overachiever who lists 125 things you’re grateful for as soon as you crack an eyelid. That’s impressive and probably effective. But there’s also the healing power of trash TV and fancy candy. Whatever gets you through, gets you through. There’s no need to judge it.

While I wouldn’t exactly recommend a three-hour TikTok scroll at 2 a.m. while eating out of a box of cereal (actually, the cereal is fine; the TikTok spiral, not so much), there are a lot of easy ways to decompress while persisting through this very long year. 

Here, I asked people how they’re coping with stress amid the constant chaos. Some of their answers might surprise you—or at least make you feel less alone. 

1. Running errands

“I go to the grocery store alone. When I’m done, I enjoy a soda or a kombucha in my truck in the parking lot. I break off a piece of my $4 bar of dark chocolate and just take a moment to do nothing.” —Heather, 41

2. Taking a staycation on the couch

“I sometimes struggle with anxiety from world events, politics, and the breakdown of the village around me—especially as a working mom. So, I find comfort in the fictional town of Stars Hollow by rewatching The Gilmore Girls. It feels nostalgic and warm to return to a place where neighbors pitch in and the native language is punchy, quippy, and clever. Call it dissociation or a staycation on the couch, but it works for me!” —Kathy, 44 

3. Checking in

“My friend and I send a voice note to each other every morning stating our positive intentions for the day.” —Francesca, 40

4. Shifting your perspective 

“I sit and visualize the cosmic hierarchy until my problems become small and distant. Going from Earth to our solar system, galaxy, and 13 billion-year-old universe helps me see how small my biggest concerns are.” —Heath, 38

5. Doing something with friends

“Whether it’s lunch with a friend or a night out, getting out of the house helps me cope.  Even if I don’t want to leave, once I’m out I never regret it. It always feels refreshing.” —Danielle, 36

6. Focusing on one thing at a time 

“Being as present as possible in whatever I do keeps my brain from thinking too far ahead, even with so much going on.” —Amy Purdy, 45

7. Dancing for the hell of it

“I’ve been hosting virtual dance parties set to Y2K music and reggaeton (think Missy Elliott and Bad Bunny) and it has brought me so much joy! The positive energy shift helps me feel more creative, embodied, and confident as we all move through uncertainty.” —Kimberly, 32

8. Finding safe spaces

“Going for a drive alone tends to clear my head. Sometimes I’ll call a close friend who is a safe space and allows me to speak freely while I’m out and about. That always gives me a good reset.” —Jamie, 41 

9. Naming your existential anxiety

“I had a therapist who offered an interesting tool: He told me to personify my anxiety. Give it a name, dress it up in an outfit, put it in a real place, and then have a conversation with it like it’s a person. Ask what it wants or what it needs to calm down. Then ask it to go away. Then, the idea of anxiety doesn’t feel like a monster, but a tangible thing you can have a conversation with.” —Tim, 44

10. Just breathing

“Smell the flowers, blow out the candles.” —Cali Rose, 3

11. Watching good TV

“I’m watching Younger (and other fun comfort shows) on Netflix like it’s my job. While I’m cooking, while I’m eating lunch, while I’m folding laundry. It’s turned mundane tasks into something fun. This way, the horrors don’t take over my brain and it’s easier to do the things I need to take care of myself.” —JJ, 40 

12. Getting grounded

“I do the butterfly hug, crossing my arms over my chest and alternately tapping my shoulders in a nice, steady rhythm. Once my body feels safe, my emotions, thoughts, and the world feel more manageable.” —Kate, 41

13. Reading 

“I’ve been reading a lot of fiction whenever the overwhelm starts to creep up on me. Being immersed in another supernatural world allows my mind and body to take a break and just relax.”  —Jody, 36

14. Staying present

“These days I am using the monk, Zen master, and activist, Thich Nhat Hanh’s breath practice: ‘I feel my inhale; I feel my exhale.’ It’s that simple.” —Annmerle, 73

15. Getting out of dodge. 

“Sometimes a change of scenery is all I need to gain a little clarity, perspective, and hope that there will be better times ahead. Also, getting out of town reminds me it’s my responsibility to enjoy my life while I still have one!” —Tara, 37

16. Doing the little things

“Going to bed earlier, wearing my favorite PJs, expressing my gratitude for the day, kissing my husband goodnight, spending more time in nature, noticing the birds and my surroundings, being still, and trying to lift up at least one person each day helps.” —Natalie, 62 

17. Letting that shit go

“I pay attention to any thoughts that are weighing me down or making my head spin, and I intentionally release them. It might sound crazy, but I feel so grounded afterward.” —Lauren, 31 

18. Walking the dog

“I’m loving my daily lunchtime walks. I take my dog and leave my phone. We call it unplugging to recharge, and I swear that I sleep better!” —Krystalyn, 35

19. Matching music to your mood

“I’ll gladly turn to a rage song and scream-sing for as long as I need. Then, I’ll play something calming or joyful to get my body relaxed and grooving to a happy tune.” —Sadie, 41

20. Chilling out

“If it’s cold outside, I open a window or step out. If not, I get an ice pack or cold wash cloth and put it on the back of my neck. Splashing my face with cold water works too.” —Ashley, 38

21. Taking a bubble bath.

“I cope by making time to wind down at the end of every day. My favorite coping routine is a candlelit Epsom salt bubble bath with essential oils, a cup of tea, and a good read.” —Erica, 40

22. Watching movies

“I’ve been rewatching the Jurassic Park movies, which somehow feel very relevant right now. Though things get hectic, our favorite characters live through it.” —Serena, 46

23. Feeling the gratitude 

“I think of a thing I’m grateful for that day, and I try to expand that feeling so it encompasses my whole body.” —Courtney, 48

24. Using all of the tools

“I’m reading all the smutty books I can get my peri-menopausal hands on, staying off social media, and focusing my frustrations on ways I can make an actual change (i.e. local and state-level politics).” —Karen, 47

25. Riding a bike

“Cycling in the forest with my kids is pure magic!” —Carrie, 37

26. Using your phone ~mindfully~

“I am mindful of how I consume the news or social media. A wise woman once told me to treat my phone like a fork, only using it when I truly need to.” —Michelle, 44

27. Going on a walk

“I love walking every day at lunchtime. It gets me out and allows me to reset.” —Krysta, 38

28. Writing 

“Journaling my guts out first thing every morning when I wake up (without my phone) for 45 minutes is what I’ve done for 17 years. It gives my crazy thoughts a place to go.” —Anna, 45 

29. Being silly

“I mimic every funny sound my toddler makes until we both start laughing!” —Andreana, 36

30. Tapping it out

“EFT tapping helps me process my emotions, calm down, and shift my mindset when I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious.” —Allie, 37

31. Making time for my friends

“Sisterhood is everything to me and my mental health. I’m not sure if they know how much I rely on them for this.” —Angelina, 39

Susie Moore is host of the Let It Be Easy podcast. 

The post 31 People Share How They’re Coping Right Now appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 03.05.25

10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted

Check, check, and check! BySam Brodsky

It’s usually obvious when your body is just…done. Out of order. Ready for sweet, sweet slumber. But feeling mentally exhausted is a little more complicated to pinpoint—because how can you really  tell when your brain needs a reboot?   

Technically speaking, mental exhaustion is not a clinical term, so there’s no real diagnostic criteria that helps us define it, says licensed psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD. But you can think of it as your brain being out of battery, she says. “It’s like using your phone, using all the apps, all day long. Your battery is going to drain much, much quicker than if you weren’t on your phone all day.” 

Maybe you’ve been doing something mentally taxing or stressful for a while—like focusing on work, multitasking, problem-solving, navigating your or others’ emotions, or making a ton of decisions—without a break, Dr. Rubenstein explains. Or you might feel drained from the emotional and logistical toll of having a physical or mental illness, she adds. 

If you’re thinking that mental exhaustion sounds a lot like burnout, you’re not wrong! They’re similar; they just aren’t necessarily exactly the same. Dr. Rubenstein considers mental exhaustion a part of  burnout or a factor that can lead to  feeling burned out. Burnout is “the natural conclusion to when mental exhaustion is stretched out over a long period of time,” agrees therapist Nathan Luecking, LICSW. Cool, so we want to avoid that, but how can we really know when we’re mentally exhausted? 

Ahead, experts break down telltale signs you’re mentally spent. You may not experience all of these, but you might find a few of them to be especially relatable and consistent in your own life. Let’s get into it—plus, what to do about this type of fatigue if you relate. 

1. You have trouble concentrating.

It’s harder for you to concentrate when you’re mentally drained because your brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of things like planning and paying attention, is overloaded, explains Dr. Rubenstein. You might find yourself rereading emails over and over, for instance. You see the words! They’re there! You just can’t focus on them, she says. 

It’s especially difficult to focus when you’re mentally exhausted from stress, notes Luecking. You can’t concentrate on anything else because you’re thinking about how to deal or you’re zeroing in on the high-alert physical feelings (rapid heart rate, GI issues, headache, etc.), he explains. Or, if everything is stressing you out, you might suck at paying attention during conversations or work since you’re getting pulled in different directions, Luecking says. 

2. You make mistakes.

You might eff up more when you’re mentally spent—and research even backs that up. In general, that has to do with not being able to focus, say Luecking and Dr. Rubenstein. You might misspell words, put a spoon away in the junk drawer, or use the wrong toothbrush—literally anything! Your brain is tired, Dr. Rubenstein says. That’s it!

3. You have decision fatigue.

When mental exhaustion sets in, your brain can struggle to weigh different options, says Dr. Rubenstein. “You might feel paralyzed when faced with simple choices, like, What do I cook for dinner?  or, How do I respond to this email?  If that’s not something that is usually an issue for you, and it becomes one, then that’s mental exhaustion.” You might notice this after a long day, Dr. Rubenstein notes. And it’s not that you’re in analysis paralysis because you’re scared to make up your mind; you simply don’t have the mental energy to decide. 

4. You’re irritable AF.

As we’ve established, you might have trouble focusing on your to-do list or a yap sesh. But your boss messaging you another assignment or someone texting you about their bad day can also be a tipping point when you feel like you can’t take on anything else. Enter: frustration and irritation, says Luecking. You might get pissed over things that don’t normally bother you (like someone being a little too slow while paying for their takeout ahead of you), notes Dr. Rubenstein. Basically, you are Grumpy Cat.

5. The overwhelm is real.

Just like you may be easily ticked off when you’re mentally checked out, it might be hard to handle your emotions in other ways when your brain’s fatigued. For example, you can feel overwhelmed by things that are usually manageable, like packing your kids’ bags for school, says Dr. Rubenstein. Anything feels like a chore when you’re drained because you don’t have the mental energy to get it done—even something small. “When your emotional load is already heavy, even the slightest addition can feel overwhelming,” Luecking explains. 

6. You procrastinate.

Some people push through and log more hours on their computer when they’re mentally exhausted (risking the chance they’ll make mistakes or burn out). Others tend to put off tasks because just thinking about doing them is stressful, says Luecking. You’re less motivated, so you cope by avoiding stuff that feels daunting, agrees Dr. Rubenstein. Sound familiar? 

7. You don’t even really want to do things you like to do.

Think about it: When you’re out of steam, you may not have the energy to participate in the book club that you, an avid reader, started. You can’t imagine recapping the latest reality TV drama with friends. Sometimes it’s about not being up for it, but it can also just be a feeling of apathy, where you don’t seem to care, notes Luecking. And, yes, that’s frustrating as hell. 

8. You isolate from other people.

It’s pretty obvious by now that a mentally exhausted person is stretched thinner than thin. You can’t really handle one more decision or favor, so you might want to peace out and hide from the world, says Luecking. If you’ve spent a full day bed rotting with your phone on silent, watching your favorite comfort show, you probably know the feeling.

Sure, you most likely care about your inner circle. However, “even if you were to go sit down with a friend, would you have the capacity to connect with them?” Luecking asks. It’s a good question, and the answer is probably not—because it’ll feel like such a heavy lift. 

Plus, being mentally exhausted makes you feel hopeless at times, like there’s no end in sight, which can make you further want to isolate, he notes.  

9. You’re super self-critical.

Being mentally exhausted doesn’t necessarily make you bully yourself. But when you’re messing up or having trouble concentrating because of your mental fatigue, that can stir up some self-criticism, says Luecking. You might be hard on yourself for not fully paying attention to someone’s story over dinner or spiral with you-should-have-known-better  thoughts when you forgot a due date. You might also judge yourself for feeling like you need support from others but not having the energy to reach out, Luecking says. (Psst…you need to be kinder! More on that later.) 

10. Your body is out of whack.

When it’s severe or chronic, mental exhaustion even leads to physical symptoms, says health psychologist Margaret Maher, PhD. (Let’s hear it for the mind-body connection!) You can have headaches and muscle tension, a hard time sleeping, GI issues, and high blood pressure, she says. Then, it’s sort of cyclical, where a lot of these physical symptoms cause more mental exhaustion, she explains. All of this can end up being physically exhausting too. “When we feel intense stress, our bodies have a biological reaction. Levels of chemicals like hormones and neurotransmitters change, our muscles tense, our heart rates fluctuate. These biological changes can add up, leading to feelings of physical fatigue over time,” she explains. 

OK, I’m mentally exhausted. What can I do about it?

Consider these warning signs a reason to slow down, take a break, and reflect on what’s stressing you out. Because, as we said, mental exhaustion that goes unchecked can lead to burnout. 

That might mean taking a mental health day or a vacation if you can, says Luecking. You can also rest and reset in a smaller capacity, such as catching up with a friend or moving your body in a way that feels good to you, he notes.

Sure, you may struggle to get moving or connect with your people if you don’t have the energy—and that’s OK. Maybe your idea of recharging is scrolling Instagram—just don’t clock too much screen time that it jacks up the stress, notes Dr. Rubenstein. In that same vein, try to avoid content, like the news or anything scary, that’ll turn into a doomscroll, says Luecking.

And, of course (as you might have expected), implementing breaks into your work schedule can help you feel less mental fatigue. One technique to try is the Pomodoro method, where you repeat 25-minute working intervals followed by short breaks to get some water or go to the bathroom (or do the above suggestions), says Dr. Rubenstein. Timers or body doubling with someone can keep you on track, she notes. 

If you’re feeling physical symptoms of stress due to mental exhaustion, Dr. Maher recommends doing things that relax you—stuff that’ll slow your heart rate down and ease muscle tension, for example. Think: deep breathing, meditation, and yoga. Perhaps incorporate those into your breaks too. 

If breaks aren’t feasible, switch to a task that doesn’t feel as heavy and still gives your brain a break, Dr. Rubenstein suggests. That might look like checking emails for a few minutes when you feel stuck writing a report. 

Next up is setting boundaries. Being mindful of how much you take on at work or in your personal life helps prevent mental exhaustion in the first place, but it’s also important when you’re already drained. Say no, delegate tasks, or move to-do list items to tomorrow when you’re exhausted so you don’t make things worse, notes Dr. Rubenstein. (You know…time management hacks.)

Talking about your exhaustion can help too. Yes, hiding from the world might seem like a better option, but venting can foster validation, Dr. Rubenstein says. This convo should be with someone who is nonjudgmental and has your best interest at heart, like a pal or a therapist, notes Luecking. 

This is also a good time to practice self-compassion and be less judgy with yourself, Luecking says. Instead of berating yourself for being forgetful because your brain is scrambled eggs, start by just acknowledging how mentally exhausted you are. Then, tell yourself that being under a ton of pressure and stress obviously can make a person (aka, you) eff up. 

Lastly, if you still feel like you’re struggling—especially after trying some of these expert-backed tips—seeing a mental health professional could provide the extra support you need, says Dr. Rubenstein. And, if you’re dealing with physical symptoms that you’re concerned about, you can seek help from a medical doctor or a health psychologist, Dr. Maher says.

The post 10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.25.25

Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down

The emotional x-ray you didn’t know you needed. ByAmy Marturana Winderl

When times get tough, the tough get mindful. (That’s the saying, right??) While mindfulness isn’t the solution to all of life’s problems, it can be a useful tool for getting through the tough stuff. And one of the grounding tactics that mental health pros often suggest is the simple yet powerful body scan. 

A body scan is exactly what it sounds like: a mindfulness exercise that involves tuning into each part of your body, one by one. That might look like lying down and focusing on the top of your head, noticing sensations like tension or tingling. Then, you’ll move on to your forehead, eyes, ears, jaw, etc. until you’ve gone through your whole body. As you scan each part of your meat suit, the goal is not to judge your bodily functions or sensations. The point is to stay focused on how you physically feel so you can maybe (hopefully) get out of your head a little.

This process can help you focus on the present moment, says licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD, Wondermind Advisory Committee member. That can be hugely beneficial for calming racing thoughts. That’s great for someone dealing with anxiety, overwhelm, stress, or worry (so like every single one of us), Dr. Polyné explains. 

The same goes if you’re feeling down, sad, or depressed. “Most people who have anxiety are focused on the future; with depression, you may be focused on shame or guilt from the past,” Dr. Polyné says. Because a body scan means honing in on how different parts of your body feel now, you can get out of your head and into the present moment—which is often helpful for a racing brain that can’t stop, won’t stop. When you’re grounded and focused on this moment, it’s easier to figure out the next steps, she adds. 

There are lots of versions of this mindfulness practice out there. For example, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), where you tense and release each muscle group one at a time, can also help you hone in on your physical body and the present moment. But you don’t have to flex to get the mindfulness benefits of a body scan. Any exercise that requires you to shift your focus from one area to the next as you breathe mindfully can soothe racing thoughts, Dr. Polyné explains. So if it’s easier or less stressful for you to focus on watching leaves float by on a stream, for instance, then go with that! 

Here, Dr. Polyné explains exactly how to do a body scan the next time you need to find some calm in the chaos.

1. Find a safe space.

You may be wondering where to do this type of exercise. And that’s a fair question. While you can get into it pretty much anywhere, a space that feels relaxing, safe, and comfortable is ideal—especially if you want to close your eyes.

If you’re better with your eyes open, that’s cool! You can do this exercise at work or another public space by focusing on an object in the room with a soft, relaxed gaze, says Dr. Polyné.

2. Focus on your breath first.

OK, you’ll get to scanning your bod in a sec. But, for maximum chill, it’s very helpful to start this process by zooming in on your breath, explains Dr. Polyné.

The gist: Slowly breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Take as many breaths as you need to get into a calm, regular rhythm. From there, you may start to feel more centered and present.

Keep in mind: distractions can and will happen. As you get settled, it’s common for your brain to space out, says Dr. Polyné. When that happens, just remind yourself that it’s normal (because it is) and let those thoughts pass without judgment. Circle back to your breath and try to make it your main focus. 

3. Begin scanning your body, starting with your toes.

It is time. You can start a body scan from either the top of your body (your head) or the bottom (your feet) and then move up or down—whichever direction feels right to you. But, for this example, we’re starting at your toes. 

Notice any sensations that arise: Do your toes feel tense, relaxed, or tight? Are they warm, cold, or sweaty? As you assess that area, imagine breathing through the sensation. When you inhale, think of the breath traveling to that part of your body. You can imagine it relieving the tension or cooling the area, she explains. Then, slowly shift your focus to your whole foot, then your calves, thighs, bum, pelvis, stomach—you get the idea. Whatever you do, don’t rush the process. Try getting in a few good, deep breaths at each body part. 

4. Feel whatever feelings arise.

Don’t be surprised if some feelings bubble up as you scan, says Dr. Polyné. Maybe you sense into your belly and feel heat and then grief or sadness. It’s OK if you’re caught off guard, but don’t dismiss the emotion. Instead, lean in and let it flow—whatever that looks like for you.

If this is the first time in a while that you’ve tuned into your physical and emotional feels, that can be intense. When you notice your feelings and accept them without judgment, it can keep them from sneaking up on you at less convenient times. Whether we like it or not, we can’t eliminate our feelings, says Dr. Polyné. They’re just part of being a person.

5. Slowly bring yourself back to the present moment.

After you’ve breathed, scanned, and felt your feelings, you’re ready to come back to wherever you left off. Open your eyes, look around the room, and shift your awareness from your body to your environment. Your breath should stay steady as you stand up (take it easy, champ).

If you’re up for it, journaling about your experience can help you make the most of it, says Dr. Polyné. You can log what sensations or emotions came up and how you felt overall during the scan. If there were feelings in certain parts of your body that brought up big emotions, take note of those too. For extra credit, jot down what you felt like before your body scan and after. That might encourage you to keep it up.

6. Make it a thing.

As with all mindfulness techniques, body scans work best when you practice them regularly. Meaning, one session likely won’t change your life. But, by making it a practice (as in three-ish times a week), you’ll likely find that you get more out of the experience. You might even start looking forward to them. Over time, the ability to accept tough stuff, brush off intrusive thoughts, and move through emotions can become so much easier.

The post Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 01.30.25

Let’s Talk About Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

You’re fully aware sleep is good for you. And yet! BySam Brodsky

You know the feeling. It’s been a long day, and you’re exhausted. But instead of sleeping, you scroll. You organize your Pinterest boards. You shop online for light bulbs. You hit up your Netflix list. You’ve fully entered the revenge bedtime procrastination zone.

You’re sure that you’ll regret staying up, but some part of you says, Fuck it, and you keep going. Next thing you know, you’ve watched two episodes since you first thought, Wait, I should go to bed. I’m exhausted. You need sleep, you want sleep, and yet you’re scrolling through stupid cat videos until 1 a.m. 

It makes no logical sense why we’re like this, but here we are! If you can relate, we asked sleep experts and psychologists to explain why revenge bedtime procrastination happens and how to quit sabotaging your sleep.

What is revenge bedtime procrastination?

Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t a legit sleep disorder, but it’s a very relatable phenomenon that went viral in 2020 after journalist Daphne K. Lee translated it from a Chinese expression describing the same concept, according to the BBC.

“It’s a way of pushing back against a busy schedule or lack of control over your time,” sleep psychologist Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM, explains.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, revenge bedtime procrastination happens when you don’t make time for rest, relaxation, or fun during the day (hence the “revenge”), says behavioral sleep medicine specialist and licensed psychologist Sarah Silverman, PsyD. Then, without a chance to recoup all day, craving downtime outweighs getting to bed when you’re sleepy. 

Psychologically speaking, it’s much easier to prioritize what feels good in the moment (TV) than what might happen the next day (being tired), explains Brad Wolgast, PhD, CBSM, DBSM, a licensed psychologist who’s board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine. 

Revenge bedtime procrastination can also strike when you’re trying to avoid thinking about what horrors may persist tomorrow, notes Dr. Silverman. Sabotaging your slumber to do something fun can “slow down time and avoid the inevitable,” she explains. 

How can I tell if I have revenge bedtime procrastination?

The biggest indicator that you’re a revenge bedtime procrastinator is that you recognize you’re very tired, but you’re still engaging in extracurricular activities, says Dr. Silverman. If this keeps happening on days when you’ve been swamped at work or doing things for other people, that’s another red flag. 

To be clear though, revenge bedtime procrastination is different from being a night owl. If you’re a person who normally feels more alert and productive later in the day, staying up late to scroll is just a normal Tuesday. You can thank your circadian rhythm (aka your internal body clock) for that, Dr. Silverman explains.

Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t the same as insomnia either. Insomnia is a sleep disorder that makes it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep at least three nights per week for three months or longer, per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). That’s very different than keeping yourself awake to soak in “me time” a la revenge bedtime procrastination, explains Dr. Silverman. 

How can I quit revenge bedtime procrastination?

The key to overcoming this nonsensical habit is to get out of your own damn way. It sounds easier said than done, but with a little motivation and a few hacks, you can totally conquer this struggle.

Your brain is craving some OOO time for a reason, so the answer isn’t to deny yourself TV, social media, video games, or whatever you want to do. Instead, find ways to integrate more fun downtime into your day. That can make the need less urgent at night, notes Dr. Harris.

Read in between meetings, call your friend before your next errand, or watch a show while you eat dinner. In a perfect world, you could also replace non-pressing things on your to-do list with personal time, notes Dr. Silverman. “When you create space for self-care during your day, you’re less likely to create space for revenge procrastination before bed.”

If you have to save your Netflix, Instagram, or FaceTime sessions for the evening hours, that’s OK (and understandable). In that case, using an alarm can help you remember your bedtime schedule, says Dr. Silverman. She recommends setting one for 30 minutes or an hour before you want to be asleep. That’s your cue to start winding down. If you’re prone to hitting snooze, set backup alarms for 15-minute intervals to really annoy yourself into prioritizing sleep.  

Having a bedtime routine or ritual that feels like a treat can also help, says Dr. Silverman. You know, something you’ll actually want to stop scrolling for. Maybe you change into the world’s most comfy PJs, drink tea, put on a podcast while you brush your teeth, or diffuse essential oils.

Of course, some of us can push off even the most relaxing bedtime routine for more TV time. That’s why planning something to look forward to in the morning, like a workout class or coffee run with a friend, can help, Dr. Silverman says. That can make you more excited to get to bed. 

Gamifying your bedtime routine can work too. If you get to bed on time five days in a row, reward yourself with something nice, suggests Dr. Silverman. “It’s not just about repeating a routine. It’s about making your routine feel rewarding so that sleep becomes something your mind and body crave rather than resist,” she adds.   

If none of this seems to topple the revenge goblin living in your head, you likely need to find your personal brand of motivation for prioritizing sleep, says Dr. Wolgast. Overcoming bedtime procrastination doesn’t happen just because you know it’s bad for you. It happens when you find the motivation to overcome it and maintain that motivation because you know it’s the best thing for you, he explains. 

Maybe waking up to go for a walk in the morning is easier when you go to bed at 9 p.m. Or perhaps feeling more alert during the workday helps you accomplish tasks faster, which means you have a better chance of doing something fun before dinner. Then, when Netflix starts another episode, you remember your why, turn off the TV, and go brush your teeth with less mental pushback. 

When all else fails, you can always see a sleep specialist if you feel like revenge bedtime procrastination is taking over your (night) life and impacting how you function on the day-to-day, notes Dr. Silverman. These experts can better assess what’s causing your revenge bedtime procrastination and pinpoint other sleep issues.

The post Let’s Talk About Revenge Bedtime Procrastination appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 01.21.25

The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025

Control freaks, this one’s for you! BySam Brodsky

Your friends hung out without you. Your dad judges your job. The traffic? Freaking horrible. These are shitty situations that make you frustrated, angry, or stressed out. (Probably all the above, if you’re being honest.) But, according to author and podcast host Mel Robbins, the Let Them Theory can help you rise above it all. 

The idea is that what’s done is done: Your pals didn’t think to (or want to) invite you, you can’t magically change your dad’s mind, and you cannot bibbidi-bobbidi-boo bumper-to-bumper delays. But you can talk to your friends about your FOMO (or prioritize other connections), focus on all the things you love about your career, and use your travel delays to call someone back (safely, on speakerphone). 

Sounds simple enough, though there’s a bit more to it. And that’s the subject of Robbins’ newest self-help book, The Let Them Theory, which she co-wrote with her daughter Sawyer Robbins. If the advice to spend less time worrying about what other people do or think sounds a little familiar, that’s because it is, says Robbins. The concept of giving up control has roots in Buddhism, Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, and radical acceptance, she notes. 

Here, Robbins explains how this concept works and why it can benefit your career, your relationships, and your inner rage monster at busy checkout lines. Let us get into it. 

WM: What is the Let Them Theory, and how does it work?

Mel Robbins: The Let Them Theory is a simple mindset tool that has two parts. The first part is telling yourself to, Let them, during any moment in life where you feel annoyed, frustrated, stressed out, or worried about a situation or another person. As soon as you say those two words, you are releasing control of what another person thinks, says, does, believes, and feels. 

Any psychologist will tell you that whenever you try to control something that you can’t, it just creates more stress and frustration and anxiety for you. For the first 54 years of my life, I didn’t know this. I mean, I’m a very smart person, but I had no idea that my attempt to control other people and little things that were happening all around me—long lines or traffic or somebody being rude—drained my energy.

Once you say, Let them, you recognize you can’t control what another person thinks, says, or does. Therefore, it is not worth your time and energy to try. Then you say, Let me, reminding yourself of the things that are in your control: what you think about another person or situation, what you do or don’t do in response to another person or situation, and what you do in response to your emotions. 

Every time you say, Let them, it’s the ultimate boundary between you and the rest of the world. It is an act of self-love and self-protection. You recognize that your time and energy is worth protecting. Then you say, Let me, and you pull your time and energy back and you get to choose what you do with it. 

If you’re standing in a long line, they’ve got one cash register open, and there are five people in front of you, you might feel very angry. And that anger means you just gave power to that situation. But, you have so much more power when you say, Let them run the store however they want. Let them take some time. And then you come to the let me part: Let me remind myself I can leave. Let me remind myself I can listen to something [while I wait]. Let me remind myself I could call my grandmother right now. Let me remind myself I could stand here, close my eyes, and meditate for a minute. You have control over that.

WM: What about dealing with a boss who’s in a bad mood?

MR: Let them be in a bad mood, and remind yourself that you’re not your boss’s mom and their mood is not your responsibility. Ask yourself if this is something that’s happening this week or if it’s who this person is. Because if they’re like this all the time, no job is worth coming in and dealing with this. And instead of going home and griping to everybody, it is within your power to find a different place to work. But if you cower to their mood, you give all your power to your boss. 

And I think the bigger thing for your readers is learning how to use this around other people’s opinions. 

WM: Can the Let Them Theory help you care less about other people’s opinions? 

MR: You will always care what other people think. It’s a sign that you’re mentally well, you want to belong, and you want people to like you. That’s a good thing. The issue is when you give more weight to what other people think than you give to what you think about yourself.

Here’s the sad truth. You can’t control what somebody else is ever going to think or do. People might unfollow you, they might roll their eyes, they might smile to your face and then gossip behind your back. And so instead of trying to gaslight yourself and say, Well, I don’t really care what people think, just say to yourself, Let them think something negative. I mean, that’s what you’re afraid of. 

The average person has thousands of thoughts a day, many of which they can barely control. And learning to say, Let them be disappointed, let them unfollow me, let them think something negative, has been liberating because I’m creating space for somebody to think whatever they want. And I’m also acknowledging that I can’t control it anyway. The only thing that I can control is what I think of myself. 

What I found is that the more I just let myself show up in a way that was consistent with what I value and what my goals are, the prouder I was of myself and the less I even thought about what other people were thinking. And here’s why: I actually know the truth of who I am. I know what I value. I know what my intentions are. And so even if I do something out in the world that hurts somebody’s feelings or they misunderstand something, I just let them and then I let me clean it up because that’s not what I intended. But I don’t allow someone else’s opinion or someone else’s disappointment to actually impact how I feel about myself.

WM: How can the Let Them Theory help with decision-making—especially when you’re worried about what other people will think? 

MR: The reason why we don’t make decisions we know in our hearts are right is because we’re afraid of how other people will feel or react. But, most of the time, somebody is going to be disappointed or upset by the decision you make. Your roommate is going to be upset that you want to move in with your partner. Your parents are going to be upset that you want to move across the country or change your major. Your boss is going to be upset if you say you can’t work this weekend. 

I personally believe you know what the right decision is for you. You’re just scared to make it because you don’t want to deal with other people’s emotions. 

This theory will teach you two things can be true at once. Your boss can be disappointed that you can’t take a weekend shift, and you can still be a great employee they deeply respect. Your parents can be upset that you’re moving across the country, and you can still move across the country. Your roommate can be really bummed and give you the cold shoulder and sulk around for a month, and your friendship’s going to be OK. Let them sulk, let them be disappointed, let them be upset. Let adults have their normal emotions. 

WM: But what if you’re a people pleaser who hates disappointing others?

MR: This is something you were [probably] trained to do during your childhood. Well, now it’s time to fucking grow up and learn to let people be disappointed. Because when you say, Let them be disappointed, you’re breaking that pattern. You are separating yourself from another adult’s emotions. You’re recognizing it is not your job to parent other people. Other adults are capable of handling their emotions—if you let them.

Your mother will get over it. Your friend will get over it. Your boss will get over it. So when you say, Let them, you are breaking this pattern of people pleasing. You’re drawing a boundary and you’re separating yourself from this other person. 

Then you say, Let me remind myself I have one job as an adult: to make decisions that make me proud of myself. I’m exhausted from work, and I don’t want to go to a party with 12 people where we’re shouting over the music and I don’t even see my friend. Let me decline the invitation, and let me reach out to my friend and say, “How about I take you out to all the vintage stores we love and out for lunch, my treat, next Saturday?”

WM: OK, but what if the person you disappoint doesn’t get over it? 

MR: Let them! You get to choose whether or not you’re going to give this person time. You get to choose whether or not their emotions are your job. You get to choose whether or not you’re going to prioritize this friendship. And so that’s why you always have power. 

WM: What’s a common mistake you’ve seen people make when trying to implement the Let Them Theory? 

MR: The single biggest mistake people make is they only do step one.

If you don’t say, Let me, it’s very common to feel a little lonely: Let my friends not invite me to brunch. Let my family not return my phone calls or ever make an effort. And then you’re going to sit there in your judgment, and that is the biggest danger of this. You have to do the let me part. And a lot of people don’t like this part because this is where you look in the mirror, where you stop blaming other people, and you truly have to take responsibility for what you do about it. This is where compassion comes into play.

Let’s say you start to notice you’re the one who makes the effort and people don’t return your calls, they’re not great about texting, or they don’t initiate the plans. Well, you’re going to say, Let them, because getting upset and judging isn’t going to help you, and it makes you stressed. Let them be who they are. They’re revealing who they are and what they care about.

Now you come to the let me part, and you’ve got a lot of things in your control. For example: Let me really look in the mirror and ask myself: What do I value? If you value friendship and family and a social life, then it’s your responsibility to create it. And you get to choose whether or not you continue to pour time into the friendships [that aren’t reciprocal] or if you’re going to take that time and go make new friends as an adult.

You also get to choose, by the way, to look at things with a level of maturity and grace and say, I’m actually friends with a lot of introverted people or a lot of people who don’t have the energy right now to reach out. Maybe my role in our friendship is to be the person connecting. Maybe my role is the glue that keeps our family together. 

WM: What’s your advice for people trying to implement this theory into their lives?

MR: Anytime somebody’s annoying you or stressing you out, just say, Let them. You’re going to feel instant freedom and power. Then say, Let me, and remind yourself, I have control here. What do I want to do in response?

If you’re in a very triggering situation or something that is ongoing—like you just broke up and you’re trying to move through heartbreak—you’re going to have to say, Let them walk out the door, let them sleep with other people, let them move on, let them not love me, over and over and over again, because the hurt doesn’t just go away. You need this to respond to emotions that keep rising up. 

WM: And any advice for people who are scared to give up control and just “let them” do their thing?  

MR: I’m going to let you hold onto control. Here’s why: I can’t change you. If it’s working for you, keep doing it. But if you’re sick and tired of being anxious and stressed out and frustrated and exhausted, this theory will change your life.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025 appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 01.16.25

If TikTok Gets Banned, Are We All Going to Have a Breakdown? 

Your favorite way to feel something or nothing at all might be signing off. Here's how to deal. ByMolly Longman

TikTok can feel like lip balm for your brain. Soothing. Easy. Immediate gratification. And, by now, years after it first launched in the U.S., TikTok has easily become one of our most reliable coping tools. For better or worse, the social platform swoops in to save us from our feelings. Boredom, stress, loneliness, or anxiety are defenseless against the random life hacks, landscaping makeovers, GRWM vids, and mental health advice from experts (…and some people who are definitely not experts). Maybe that’s why the possibility of TikTok going away seems like a personal attack.

ICYMI, this is all happening because of a bill passed last April, the goal of which was to combat “a significant threat to national security,” according to the bill H.R.815. This comes after reports of serious societal harms like misinformation, problematic algorithms, and extreme privacy issues allegedly caused by the app. 

This means that TikTok’s parent company (based in China) would need to sell the app to a company based in a country that’s not a “foreign adversary” by January 19th 2025. If not, the app will become unavailable to U.S. users, according to the proposed bill. Exactly what that means is a little murky, but experts guess that, since the app stores will no longer carry TikTok, new users won’t be able to download the app and existing users’ apps will get so buggy they become unusable after January 19th.

 If just the idea of life without TikTok makes you feel A LOT of feelings, that makes sense. 

Here, we explain why we’re so attached to that sweet, sweet TikTok algo, why it’s OK to be legit freaked out by the potential loss, and how to use that emotional intel to set yourself up for success if it does go  away.

Why does TikTok have such a chokehold on us?

If you learned about dopamine detoxes (on TikTok lol), then you probably know that social media can be one of your brain’s favorite sources of the feel-good neurotransmitter, dopamine. 

ICYMI, dopamine is part of our internal reward system and enables us to feel pleasure. It’s the same response we get when we hear the intro to a song we like or take the first bite of something delicious. That’s why psychotherapist Courtney Tracy, LCSW, PsyD, founder of Exist mental health and substance use treatment center, refers to the platform as “brain candy.”

While dopamine is the thing our brains want, it’s the “intermittent rewards,” or inconsistent hits of the neurotransmitter that keep us scrolling or mindlessly opening the app without even realizing it, explains media psychologist Don Grant, PhD, who researches digital engagement behaviors and their possible impacts on mental health. Our brain gets bored if the positive reinforcement is too predictable, so it seeks out experiences in which there’s potential for the prize that is dopamine, Dr. Grant adds. 

Although there isn’t enough scientific evidence to prove TikTok (or any other social platform) is addictive, using TikTok can supply the same neurological rewards that have been proven to lead to other habit-forming behaviors, says Dr. Grant. 

TikTok’s algorithm is particularly “sticky” or engaging because it’s serving up stuff that’s already made you feel good in the past, Dr. Grant explains. Ah yes, the algorithm. And even though other social and streaming platforms rely on a similar algorithm of suggestions based on stuff you like, TikTok seems to do this especially quickly and seamlessly. “This property correlates with other established substance- and process-type dependencies and addictive-type behaviors,” says Dr. Grant.

That feel-good effect could be amplified for those who lean on TikTok for a sense of community. Whether you have a disability, are a stay-at-home parent, are an LGBTQ+ person in a small town, or feel generally isolated in real life, you might feel more validated and less alone among these pockets of content, creators, or commenters who remind you of you, per a small scientific survey published for a conference of the Association of Computing Machinery. 

Even if you’re not coming to TikTok to meet people who get you, the “seemingly raw, uncut, and unpolished” nature of the creators and content (vs what you see on other social media platforms) “makes us feel like we know the people in these videos on this deep level—even if it’s all curated,” says therapist Moraya Seeger DeGeare, LMFT.

It’s a kind of parasocial voyeurism, DeGeare explains, which can make us feel close to the people and things we see on the app without much effort. That could be why you kept coming back to the app to see if Charlotte the stingray was impregnated by sharks or through immaculate conception.

All of this, plus the entertainment value, makes TikTok the ultimate place to dissociate, which can be good and bad, Dr. Tracy (aka The.Truth.Doctor on TikTok) explains. 

Here’s what a TikTok withdrawal could feel like.

Don’t worry, “TIkTok withdrawal” is not an actual mental health symptom. But if you spend a lot of time on the app or use it in any of the scenarios above, you could experience some uncomfortable emotions if you stop using it. That could look like a sense of loss or emptiness, says Dr. Tracy. Others might just feel bored. There could also be a certain level of anxiety that stems from the disruption of your daily TikTok routine. As you’re falling asleep at night without scrolling, you might feel a dissatisfaction you can’t quite put your finger on, explains DeGeare. You might find yourself mindlessly toggling through other apps seeking the same dopamine rush you got from TikTok.

If you’ve found a TikTok community you interact with frequently, the feelings of distress could be more intense, almost like a mini-version of losing a friend, Dr. Tracy adds. “It’s totally understandable to be outraged [by the potential loss of TikTok], especially if you feel someone is taking away your community, your access to information, or your ability to understand people on the other side of the world,” DeGeare says. “Especially now.” 

How can you emotionally prep for a TikTok ban? 

It’s not a bad idea to prepare thyself for the worst, Dr. Tracy says. Anytime we’re losing something that means a lot to us (yes, even the thing that makes long lines for the bathroom more bearable), it‘s helpful to create a plan. 

That’s especially true if you’re upset just thinking about what could happen next. Here, we asked experts how to manage that outrage whether the platform exists or not, so you can get into a more positive headspace without the Tok.

1. Assess how TikTok is serving you.

Sure, you could just find another go-to social app to lean on instead of TikTok, but you’re setting yourself up for the same infinite scroll issues by relying on any one thing for joy, entertainment, or to relieve stress, explains Sarah Domoff, PhD, a clinical child psychologist and an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Albany. 

This moment of TikTok peril could be an opportunity to assess your mental and emotional needs and the tools you use to meet them. The more options you have, the better off you’ll be when you need to use them, says Dr. Domoff, who studies problematic media use during childhood. 

To figure out what you’re actually getting out of TikTok, think about what’s making you react so strongly to a possible ban. Do you get validation from the app? Community? A boredom-free life? Do you learn new facts or recipes? Do you get your news here?

It can help to journal on this, DeGeare says. Spend 15 minutes on the app to refresh your memory (or think about the things you miss the most about it), then put your phone down and start writing down what you liked about this experience. 

2. Fill those voids.

Then, make another list detailing what activities or outlets could provide similar (or maybe even better!) benefits, DeGeare suggests. You don’t need to “mine for dopamine” on TikTok when “there’s a river of feel-good chemicals out in the real world,” Dr. Tracy says.

If you opened the app to take a break from real life (work, kids, school, your general existence, etc.), try listening to a podcast and going for a walk or taking a bath with good music. These feel-good breaks have benefits that last long after you’re done with them (unlike scrolling).

You can also practice some grounding exercises to become more OK doing nothing, like focusing on one object, smell, or sound for a while, DeGeare says. We often get the message that our worth is related to accomplishing things. So doing nothing is uncomfortable and powerful, she adds. 

When in doubt, focus on activities that provide human contact. When we’re feeling low, the things that help us get back to baseline are almost always real personal connections, says Dr. Grant. “When we laugh, cry, celebrate, grieve, mourn, and build each other up in real life—that’s what makes us human,” Dr. Grant says. 

So if you had a group of friends you followed online, schedule a Zoom with them, or use this as an excuse to organize an overdue in-person catch-up. You can also call any friend up to commiserate over coffee, go on a walk with your neighbor, or call your mom, DeGeare says. 

Still, we hear you: These require more effort and we’re all busy and tired. But despite the legwork, bonding with others (or even yourself) outside of the internet is a positive way to cope with life. And if it involves other people, those actions can provide a longer-lasting benefit in the form of positive memories, Dr. Grant says. That tops the quick buzz or escapism you get from swiping up on social, Dr. Grant explains.

3. Cut back on screen time.

Yes, adding in other apps or experiences to manage your feels is a good move, but if journaling made you realize that your emotions or mood are maybe, kind of dependent on social media in general, it can’t hurt to taper your time spent on it. 

Try timing yourself. How many minutes or hours do you spend on social  apps each week? (You can also just check your usage through the Apple Screen Time app or in your Android settings app.) Then, see if you can cut it down by 20, 10, or just 5 minutes a week. Baby steps. 

If you can’t stick to that time limit, that could be a red flag, says Dr. Tracy. In that case, you could delete or log out of the apps after you use it, since the annoyance of re-entering your password may be enough to deter you. Take that, instant gratification! self. How many minutes or hours do you spend on the app each week? (You can also just check your usage through the Apple Screen Time app or in your Android settings app.) Then, see if you can cut it down by 20, 10, or just 5 minutes a week. Baby steps. 

If you can’t stick to that time limit, that could be a red flag, says Dr. Tracy. In that case, you could delete or log out of the app after you use it, since the annoyance of re-entering your password may be enough to deter you. Take that, instant gratification! 

The post If TikTok Gets Banned, Are We All Going to Have a Breakdown?  appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 01.10.25

How to Finally Stop Being a Workaholic (Without Losing Your Identity)

Because answering work emails at all hours of the day (and night) is not a personality trait. ByKylie Gilbert

When you think of a workaholic you probably picture someone tethered to their phone or staring at their computer screen into the wee hours of the night. But the term workaholic has been around long before the internet and smartphones. American psychologist and pastor Wayne Edward Oates first coined it in the late 1960s, defining workaholism as an uncontrollable need to work. He believed working can become an addiction, sorta like alcoholism, hence the name. 

Despite the negative connotation, it’s easy to see how being a workaholic is often celebrated via a “hustle culture,” which glorifies productivity. That can make those always-logged-on habits hard to shake. Overdoing it at work might even give you a self-esteem boost. 

So how can you tell if you’re a workaholic or if you just have a solid work ethic? We spoke to mental health pros to break it down and share realistic tips for achieving more work-life balance.

What is a workaholic? 

A workaholic isn’t a clinical term or an actual diagnosis you’ll find in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), but the urge to work excessively is a very real phenomenon that psychologists have studied for decades. 

A workaholic could be someone with a high-pressure, high-powered job who works until 3 a.m., but it isn’t just about long hours or titles. Someone with workaholism struggles to detach from their job mentally and be fully present in their life no matter their schedule or role, says psychologist Rachel Goldman, PhD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University Grossman School of Medicine, who specializes in stress reduction and burnout. 

“It’s this feeling of needing to be on and working all the time,” she explains. For example, maybe you’re out to dinner on a Saturday night with your friends… but you’ve tuned out half the conversation because all you can think about is the email you need to reply to. 

You might even feel frustrated or pissed off if you’re in a situation where you can’t work, says licensed psychologist and career coach Lauren Appio, PhD. “I see a lot of disrupted sleep and people who are very irritable or very anxious or very depressed,” Dr. Appio says. 

Here’s the thing: There are times when work becomes a primary focus and takes up more space in our lives—and that isn’t always such a terrible or unhealthy thing, Dr. Appio says. “Some people are very passionate about the work that they do, or they have a short-term goal that they’re working really hard to accomplish, whether it’s a promotion or a project.” 

What sets workaholism apart from just being really locked is the negative impact on other areas of your life, like your health and relationships. Dr. Goldman suggests asking yourself: Am I canceling plans? Am I isolating myself? Am I not social anymore? Am I forgetting to eat or drink?

You might also be in problematic territory if other responsibilities, including self-care, are falling through the cracks. Oh and if you feel too much anxiety or guilt to use your PTO or take a sick day when you’re actually sick? That’s a big red flag too.

Workaholism can definitely be a byproduct of your industry or company culture, but there are often internal factors at play too. For example, people with perfectionist tendencies who feel like they always have to go above and beyond and be the best could be prone to workaholism, Dr. Goldman says. That’s especially true if you believe your self-worth is tied to your productivity, she adds.  

People-pleasers are more susceptible to work addiction too, Dr. Appio says. Obviously, no one wants to upset their boss or let people down, but blowing through your boundaries or overworking to keep people happy can slip into workaholism, she explains.

Workaholism can also start as a temporary coping mechanism, says Dr. Appio. That can definitely be helpful when you need a distraction from, say, a breakup. However, if getting wrapped up in work becomes a long-term pattern to avoid your feelings, that’s not so useful. 

How to stop being a workaholic.

Don’t freak out, but being a workaholic is actually probably making you worse at your job.  That’s because people work best when they’re well-rested and they’re happy in their lives, Dr. Appio says. You can’t think critically when you’re in survival mode, she adds.

Still, if you’re used to overworking, it can feel scary to take your foot off the gas—even just a little. Who are you if you’re not the one in the office past 8 p.m. every night? That said, you can totally do less without losing your edge or identity. Here’s how.

1. Start with small limits.

If you’re a perfectionist or a people pleaser, it can be hard to set personal boundaries, like ignoring DMs and emails after hours. If that’s you, taking baby steps can help rewire your brain to be OK with saying no, says Dr. Appio. “Start with implementing one new limit and see what happens,” she explains. This will help you gather new data on how people respond when you put yourself first. That’s really helpful if you’ve been caught up worrying that you’re going to lose your job or reputation if you’re not giving 110 percent. 

Notice how your boss or coworkers react (or don’t). Do they explode and tell you that you’re the worst? Probably not! Most likely, you’ll see that your fears were overblown, Dr. Goldman says. 

2. Try a self-soothing activity. 

Even once you set a limit, like not checking your email on PTO, it can be really hard to follow through. “You’re gonna feel that urge to work build up, and it can be really unbearable for people, Dr. Appio says. 

That’s where self-soothing practices come in. These sensory activities serve as gentle distractions that calm your body down until the urge goes away, Dr. Appio explains. You could try a mindfulness exercise, take a bath, or listen to music.

Over time, you might notice that nothing bad actually happens when you spend less time working. And if something goes wrong, you’ll find that you’re capable of managing the feelings that come with it, says Dr. Appio.

3. Find allies.

Breaking a work addiction requires a lot of focus and intention—especially if it’s always been your thing. But having people in your corner can help hold you accountable to your boundaries, remind you to take breaks, or just give you an excuse to take a lunch for once, says Dr. Appio. “Whether it’s friends, a therapist, or people at work, it helps to have allies who can support you.” 

Enlist a coworker for a regular coffee walk at the same time every week (or every day, if you dare!) Put time on your cal to text a close friend to check-in. Plan a meetup after the workday with someone who won’t ask about your job. 

4. Catch and redirect your thoughts. 

In those moments when you just can’t seem to turn your work brain off, Dr. Goldman suggests noticing the negative thoughts and interrupting them with a mindfulness exercise. This can help you get back to the present moment without judging your mental spiral. 

Let’s say you’re taking a hot shower at the end of the day, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow’s team meeting or the pitch you’re working on. First, acknowledge that you’re having lots of work-related thoughts. You could even say, “I’m worried about my meeting tomorrow.” Then, turn your attention to what’s going on around you. You can sense how the water feels on your skin, notice how your soap smells, or listen to the water hitting the ground. 

5. Prioritize the things that bring you joy outside of work.

If you’re a perfectionist, it can be hard to end the day without sending one more email, reviewing that presentation one more time, or making one last call. But, if you have other interests that need your attention, like a volunteering gig, relationships, or just a new love of baking, that can help you shut it down when things are good enough, Dr. Goldman says. 

So, it’s time to find a hobby or start prioritizing stuff in your life that could use more love. Want to join that run club or book club? Get after it! Suddenly very interested in the Roman Empire? Take an online course. Feel out of touch with your friend group? Schedule a recurring hang! 

6. Work on that harsh inner dialogue. 

Even on their best day, it’s easy for workaholics to beat themselves up about the little things that go wrong during the workday. You said the wrong thing in a meeting, you didn’t accomplish as much today as you wanted to, that comment from your boss means they maybe hate you. Ugh. 

When you’re burned out, that dialogue can get even more rude, Dr. Appio says. That’s not good for your mental health either.

Whether you’re having the worst or best day, keep an ear out for negative self-talk. When you notice that jerk in your brain chiming in with unhelpful insights or critiques, kindly rebut them the way you would a friend, Dr Appio suggests. Maybe no one noticed your miss

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