The post 31 People Share How They’re Coping Right Now appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
03.18.25
31 People Share How They’re Coping Right Now
Jurassic Park, rage singing, and drinking kombucha in a parking lot. It’s all here.
If you’re feeling off this year, you’re certainly not alone. Things have been happening at a rapid-fire pace, and we can only take so much.
As a life coach, I know there are plenty of very mindful, healthy ways to relieve anxiety. But I learned never to shame a coping skill years ago. For better or worse, we all have our thing.
Maybe you’re an overachiever who lists 125 things you’re grateful for as soon as you crack an eyelid. That’s impressive and probably effective. But there’s also the healing power of trash TV and fancy candy. Whatever gets you through, gets you through. There’s no need to judge it.
While I wouldn’t exactly recommend a three-hour TikTok scroll at 2 a.m. while eating out of a box of cereal (actually, the cereal is fine; the TikTok spiral, not so much), there are a lot of easy ways to decompress while persisting through this very long year.
Here, I asked people how they’re coping with stress amid the constant chaos. Some of their answers might surprise you—or at least make you feel less alone.
1. Running errands
“I go to the grocery store alone. When I’m done, I enjoy a soda or a kombucha in my truck in the parking lot. I break off a piece of my $4 bar of dark chocolate and just take a moment to do nothing.” —Heather, 41
2. Taking a staycation on the couch
“I sometimes struggle with anxiety from world events, politics, and the breakdown of the village around me—especially as a working mom. So, I find comfort in the fictional town of Stars Hollow by rewatching The Gilmore Girls. It feels nostalgic and warm to return to a place where neighbors pitch in and the native language is punchy, quippy, and clever. Call it dissociation or a staycation on the couch, but it works for me!” —Kathy, 44
3. Checking in
“My friend and I send a voice note to each other every morning stating our positive intentions for the day.” —Francesca, 40
4. Shifting your perspective
“I sit and visualize the cosmic hierarchy until my problems become small and distant. Going from Earth to our solar system, galaxy, and 13 billion-year-old universe helps me see how small my biggest concerns are.” —Heath, 38
5. Doing something with friends
“Whether it’s lunch with a friend or a night out, getting out of the house helps me cope. Even if I don’t want to leave, once I’m out I never regret it. It always feels refreshing.” —Danielle, 36
6. Focusing on one thing at a time
“Being as present as possible in whatever I do keeps my brain from thinking too far ahead, even with so much going on.” —Amy Purdy, 45
7. Dancing for the hell of it
“I’ve been hosting virtual dance parties set to Y2K music and reggaeton (think Missy Elliott and Bad Bunny) and it has brought me so much joy! The positive energy shift helps me feel more creative, embodied, and confident as we all move through uncertainty.” —Kimberly, 32
8. Finding safe spaces
“Going for a drive alone tends to clear my head. Sometimes I’ll call a close friend who is a safe space and allows me to speak freely while I’m out and about. That always gives me a good reset.” —Jamie, 41
9. Naming your existential anxiety
“I had a therapist who offered an interesting tool: He told me to personify my anxiety. Give it a name, dress it up in an outfit, put it in a real place, and then have a conversation with it like it’s a person. Ask what it wants or what it needs to calm down. Then ask it to go away. Then, the idea of anxiety doesn’t feel like a monster, but a tangible thing you can have a conversation with.” —Tim, 44
10. Just breathing
“Smell the flowers, blow out the candles.” —Cali Rose, 3
11. Watching good TV
“I’m watching Younger (and other fun comfort shows) on Netflix like it’s my job. While I’m cooking, while I’m eating lunch, while I’m folding laundry. It’s turned mundane tasks into something fun. This way, the horrors don’t take over my brain and it’s easier to do the things I need to take care of myself.” —JJ, 40
12. Getting grounded
“I do the butterfly hug, crossing my arms over my chest and alternately tapping my shoulders in a nice, steady rhythm. Once my body feels safe, my emotions, thoughts, and the world feel more manageable.” —Kate, 41
13. Reading
“I’ve been reading a lot of fiction whenever the overwhelm starts to creep up on me. Being immersed in another supernatural world allows my mind and body to take a break and just relax.” —Jody, 36
14. Staying present
“These days I am using the monk, Zen master, and activist, Thich Nhat Hanh’s breath practice: ‘I feel my inhale; I feel my exhale.’ It’s that simple.” —Annmerle, 73
15. Getting out of dodge.
“Sometimes a change of scenery is all I need to gain a little clarity, perspective, and hope that there will be better times ahead. Also, getting out of town reminds me it’s my responsibility to enjoy my life while I still have one!” —Tara, 37
16. Doing the little things
“Going to bed earlier, wearing my favorite PJs, expressing my gratitude for the day, kissing my husband goodnight, spending more time in nature, noticing the birds and my surroundings, being still, and trying to lift up at least one person each day helps.” —Natalie, 62
17. Letting that shit go
“I pay attention to any thoughts that are weighing me down or making my head spin, and I intentionally release them. It might sound crazy, but I feel so grounded afterward.” —Lauren, 31
18. Walking the dog
“I’m loving my daily lunchtime walks. I take my dog and leave my phone. We call it unplugging to recharge, and I swear that I sleep better!” —Krystalyn, 35
19. Matching music to your mood
“I’ll gladly turn to a rage song and scream-sing for as long as I need. Then, I’ll play something calming or joyful to get my body relaxed and grooving to a happy tune.” —Sadie, 41
20. Chilling out
“If it’s cold outside, I open a window or step out. If not, I get an ice pack or cold wash cloth and put it on the back of my neck. Splashing my face with cold water works too.” —Ashley, 38
21. Taking a bubble bath.
“I cope by making time to wind down at the end of every day. My favorite coping routine is a candlelit Epsom salt bubble bath with essential oils, a cup of tea, and a good read.” —Erica, 40
22. Watching movies
“I’ve been rewatching the Jurassic Park movies, which somehow feel very relevant right now. Though things get hectic, our favorite characters live through it.” —Serena, 46
23. Feeling the gratitude
“I think of a thing I’m grateful for that day, and I try to expand that feeling so it encompasses my whole body.” —Courtney, 48
24. Using all of the tools
“I’m reading all the smutty books I can get my peri-menopausal hands on, staying off social media, and focusing my frustrations on ways I can make an actual change (i.e. local and state-level politics).” —Karen, 47
25. Riding a bike
“Cycling in the forest with my kids is pure magic!” —Carrie, 37
26. Using your phone ~mindfully~
“I am mindful of how I consume the news or social media. A wise woman once told me to treat my phone like a fork, only using it when I truly need to.” —Michelle, 44
27. Going on a walk
“I love walking every day at lunchtime. It gets me out and allows me to reset.” —Krysta, 38
28. Writing
“Journaling my guts out first thing every morning when I wake up (without my phone) for 45 minutes is what I’ve done for 17 years. It gives my crazy thoughts a place to go.” —Anna, 45
29. Being silly
“I mimic every funny sound my toddler makes until we both start laughing!” —Andreana, 36
30. Tapping it out
“EFT tapping helps me process my emotions, calm down, and shift my mindset when I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious.” —Allie, 37
31. Making time for my friends
“Sisterhood is everything to me and my mental health. I’m not sure if they know how much I rely on them for this.” —Angelina, 39
Susie Moore is host of the Let It Be Easy podcast.
The post 31 People Share How They’re Coping Right Now appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>The post 10 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Insecure appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
03.06.25
10 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Insecure
1) You are fun and cool. 2) These hacks are gonna make you believe that. Additional reporting bySam Brodsky
Whether you’re feeling insecure about your outfit or your face or that thing you said in a meeting, we get it. Insecurity can pop up in response to pretty much anything, says therapist Sarah Trepp, LCSW. And while we’d love to tell you how to stop being insecure for good, that’s not totally realistic (since new insecurities can pop up at any time). But you can learn to better manage this feeling when it surfaces and boost your self-esteem.
So, what exactly is insecurity? Basically, it’s when you feel inadequate and not confident in yourself, according to the American Psychological Association. And, it’s paired with “general uncertainty and anxiety about one’s goals, abilities, or relationships with others.”
You might have noticed that when you feel insecure, you avoid certain situations or make decisions that aren’t really in your best interest, says therapist Amalia Miralrío, LCSW, founder of Amity Detroit Counseling. “Left unchecked, insecurities can limit our capacity to live our lives authentically,” Miralrío explains. “They can limit our ability to take risks in relationships, at school, or at work, as well as in our self-expression. They can stop us from speaking up, showing up on a date, or communicating our feelings.”
Just think about when you didn’t apply to a job that you may have gotten—all because you doubted yourself—or you skipped a networking event because you’ve always been convinced your small talk sucks.
Insecurity may be screwing with your ability to live up to your full potential, but you’re not a lost cause, we promise! With the expert-backed tips ahead, you can reframe negative thoughts and build self-confidence so insecurity doesn’t cut so deep.
Remember, it’s not possible to stop being insecure for the rest of your life. You are not a robot! But you can learn to cope better when you’re feeling insecure. Here’s how.
1. Allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole.
“Sometimes pushing insecurities away only makes them stronger,” says Miralrío. So instead of dismissing them, it can be helpful to use them as “signals” indicating areas of your life that could use some TLC. For example, if doubting your abilities is getting in the way of your novel-writing goals, dig deeper to see what could be triggering this idea that you’re not good enough. What’s the worst thing people could think or say about your writing? What importance does that have to you? Turning towards the discomfort and looking your insecurity square in the face is a necessary first step in eventually melting it away.
2. Find the lesson in comparison.
You can’t just turn off your brain when you see an IG post about the dream house someone landed (that’s also your dream house). But, when you’re getting down on yourself for not being or doing “enough,” it’s important to put things in perspective.
There are two things you can do to reframe those comparison woes. Instead of ruminating over living in a shitty one-bedroom apartment while your high school acquaintance is flooding your feed with beautiful HGTV-style videos of their new home, take a beat. That’s insecurity talking! Then, think about this: You don’t know everything about this person’s life, especially when their updates are coming from social media, notes Trepp. Sure, they may be living in a house that you love, but maybe their world isn’t so shiny in other areas. You don’t have the full picture, she says.
The other thing you can do is use your comparison—and insecurity that tags along—as information. What is this stuff trying to tell you? Sure, you envy this person. But feeling insecure perhaps tells you what you want and value, says Trepp. Use that as motivation and inspiration for the future, not as fuel to tear yourself down in the present.
3. Don’t let criticism crush you.
Getting not-so-great feedback can be a huge insecurity trigger for some. In cases like this, Trepp suggests trying your best not to take what someone said (or how they said it) personally.
Let’s see this in action: Maybe your boss’s tone was harsh when she told you to speak up more in meetings. For starters, you don’t know how her day went—maybe outside factors made her come off a bit mean, says Trepp. It may not even be about you!
Even if you know the criticism was valid, try to find something, anything, useful from this feedback, Trepp suggests. Insecurity wants you to believe you’re on the brink of getting fired or that you flat-out fail at your job. Focusing on what you can do with this feedback (rather than just internalizing it), can help you feel a little more capable.
4. Prove your insecurity wrong.
This may seem scary, but actually doing things that make you feel insecure can help build up your confidence in yourself, says Trepp. “You are showing yourself that you can make it through the challenging situations that bring up the insecurity and feel a sense of accomplishment after reflecting on how that experience went. We are so much more capable than insecurities make us believe.”
You don’t have to dive right into the deep end, though. You can start slow, says Trepp. Let’s say you’re feeling insecure about public speaking. You sweat a lot, you stutter a bit, and you’re easily distracted. It’s not for you, but you wish it was. You don’t have to give a TED Talk; work your way up to super intimidating situations. Maybe you tell a group of coworkers you barely know about something you did over the weekend. Then, you pitch a new marketing plan in front of your boss. Then, you go to a small slam poetry event. You got this!
5. Flip the script on self-talk.
Insecurity can fuel negative self-talk. So when the not-so-nice inner dialogue gets going (see: Why does everyone hate me?), fight back by considering whether the opposite is true. “Instead of thinking of all the reasons someone wouldn’t want to hang out with you, ask yourself to come up with all the reasons they would: I tell good jokes, I am kind, I care about my friends, I bring joy to people around me,” suggests licensed clinical psychologist Nicole Hayes, PhD.
“This also works with career insecurity or applying to jobs,” Dr. Hayes says. “Instead of ruminating on all the reasons you shouldn’t be hired, ask yourself why you are a good fit: I have relevant background or education, I work well on teams, I have passion for this field, I learn quickly and with enthusiasm.” This swap basically lets your brain know that there are sunnier possibilities than the ones it tends to imagine when you’re feeling insecure.
6. Start asking questions.
When insecurity stands in between you and making a decision, therapist Aisha R. Shabazz, LCSW, owner of In Real Time Wellness, recommends asking yourself a series of questions that can guide you in the direction that’s truly right for you. Let’s say you’re considering quitting your job, breaking up with your partner, or becoming a nudist.
First question: What would you do if you weren’t afraid of being vulnerable? Sometimes insecurity blocks us from even considering our true, deep desires, Shabazz says. So this is your opportunity to bust through that wall.
Second question: What’s holding you back from making this decision? If your Aunt Karen judging you is at the root of your insecurity about fulfilling your true passion of joining a nudist colony, well, you’re keeping your clothes on for a rather lame reason, no?
Question number three: How is this choice beneficial for me? If you can, literally list out how said decision would benefit you or be detrimental to you, Shabazz suggests. It’s a good (and quick) reality check about whether you’re avoiding doing something that would be good for you just because you want to avoid discomfort.
Last Q: Is following (or ignoring) what I want to do going to matter tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now, 10 years from now? If going back to school to be a librarian would make your life better down the line, even if you feel insecure about actually making the move right now, you know you’d be selling yourself short by chickening out.
7. Check in with your people.
When insecurity is really cramping your style, check in with someone close to you for a gut check—and a healthy dose of reassurance. “Sometimes saying your insecurity out loud to someone who cares about you can put into perspective how out of touch with reality it truly is,” explains Miralrío. It can stop your insecurity from spiraling.
When you can’t get that TLC right this second (if only your mom could vouch for you during your annual work review), Dr. Hayes recommends using a grounding technique that can help you tap into the love they’d offer you. Place your feet on the ground and feel the connection, knowing that it’s the same ground your friends and family stand on. Imagine their warmth and support running from the ground they stand on, through the floor your feet are on, and right up into you. It’s a simple exercise for feeling more self-assured.
Side note (but related note): If you notice that your inner circle actually includes people who make you feel insecure, maybe it’s time to reassess how much time you spend with them, notes Trepp. You don’t have to go no contact, since that might be hard, but you can set boundaries, she says. For example, if your friend’s partner not-so-subtly interrogates you about your life choices all the time, maybe only agree to see them in group settings where other friends can act as a buffer. If your coworker you’ve been getting happy hour with has said some questionable comments about what you eat, maybe stick to a work-only relationship.
8. Remind your body that you’re good.
Feeling insecure often signals to your body that you’re unsafe, leaving you tense, guarded, and shrunken. “Practice communicating to yourself that you are confident by standing up straight, orienting yourself to anyone you’re talking to, and unclenching your muscles,” suggests Dr. Hayes. This tells your body that this situation is safe and calm.
9. Take note of the positives.
Just as intentionally jotting down things you’re grateful for can help you feel more gratitude, writing down anything that challenges your insecurities (like self-love affirmations) can help you feel more at ease with yourself over time. Dr. Hayes recommends spending a few minutes every night reflecting on reassuring experiences from the day, as well as any positive feedback you received from a friend, partner, colleague, or whomever. Not only can this practice help you believe in yourself, but looking back at your entries can snap you out of an insecurity spiral.
10. Explore the root of the issue.
If you want to stop being so insecure, you have to figure out where this feeling is coming from. “One of the best long-term ways of managing insecurities is to understand their deeper roots in our minds,” says Miralrío. “The insecurities we feel in daily life are oftentimes symptoms of deeper fears and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.”
Typically, therapy is the ideal container in which to explore how your upbringing and life experiences shaped the things you feel insecure about, she says. If you don’t have access to individual therapy, though, Miralrío recommends creating space to reflect on what you believe about yourself, how that’s changed over time, and when you can remember first believing that particular thing about yourself. “Sometimes tapping into a younger self can increase your ability to have self-compassion with your current self,” she notes.
The post 10 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Insecure appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>The post 15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
02.26.25
15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication
The harmful stigma around medication and mental health needs to end. Additional Reporting ByCasey Gueren
If it seems like the stigma around mental health medications is suddenly getting worse, you’re not wrong. Medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and others have been the subject of some wild claims from Robert F. Kennedy Jr., newly appointed U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services. During and since his confirmation hearing, RFK Jr. spread harmful misconceptions about these evidence-based mental health medications used to treat conditions like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder.
“Research has continuously demonstrated the safety and efficacy of antidepressants and antipsychotics,” Chase T.M. Anderson, MD, MS, assistant professor in child and adolescent psychiatrist at University of California at San Francisco, tells Wondermind. “Every medication has benefits and risks, so physicians have a ‘risks and benefits’ talk before prescribing and allow space for questions. After prescribing, we monitor for adverse events with regular appointments. With the children, adolescents, and young adults I work with, we meet a few days or a week after. As time goes on and symptoms improve, we space check-ins out more so they can be off living their lives.”
Despite the fact that RFK Jr.’s criticism of these meds isn’t based in science (more on that here), spreading misinformation can lead to increased stigma and stereotypes about mental health medications and the people who take them.
If you think you might benefit from mental health medication, it’s worth talking to your primary care provider or a mental health professional to address any concerns floating in the back of your mind. In the meantime, here’s what 15 people had to say about their experiences with mental health meds, including how medicine helped life become more vibrant again and the lowdown on side effects.
1. Think of it like any other medicine you’d need…
“I’ve been taking [medication] to treat my OCD for about 10 years and had tried other medications when I was in high school. I used to be super embarrassed—especially in high school—that people would judge me for it, and I also [had] fears about what taking medicine meant about me. Once my condition got worse, I had a therapist tell me that it was just like taking medicine to treat anything else. Now I am so fucking grateful for it because I don’t think I would be here without it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the life that I do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you shouldn’t need it, but it doesn’t make you weak.” —Olivia L., 29
2. …Or like a doctor-prescribed safety net.
“I was on a variety of antidepressants for roughly a decade, from age 14. There were obviously downsides and side effects, but the medication provided a really important safety net whilst I sorted out [my life]. I was fortunate to have doctors who were receptive when I wanted to try different medications, especially as there is no perfect antidepressant. Being a really young person on mental health medication often gets strange looks, but I knew it was the right choice because of the difference it made.” —Oliver A.*, 25
3. Remember that feeling 100% perfect isn’t the goal…
“While dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, I hit my absolute bottom. I experienced huge bouts of rage directed at myself and others, had panic attacks every single day, and was ready to pack up my car and leave my husband and baby without any notice. I talked to my doctor about being put on an antidepressant, and since then, I honestly feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’m nowhere near 100% all the time, but being on medication takes the edge off and makes me feel like I can be around people without a panic attack brewing. Since going on medication, I have had only two panic attacks, which is a win for me—I was having at least one a day for months before.” —Kori B., 29
4. …And that it’s OK if you get frustrated.
“I have been on psychiatric medications for a variety of mental health issues since I was 16. I haven’t felt the stigma about taking mental health medications (thankfully, I have an amazing family and support system), but I have had to go on a journey within myself to accept that I will probably be on these medications for the rest of my life and that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that will always need this extra attention and care.
As much as I sometimes hate that I’m taking six to eight pills a day, I know how horrible I felt all the time when I wasn’t on my medications. I truly feel like I deserve a happier, more fulfilled life than that. I have had the darkest depths of depression and the highest highs of manic episodes, but I am blissfully in the middle with this particular cocktail of medications I’m on right now. I still get to experience the full range of human emotion, and I don’t have to be a victim of my mind or scared of my thoughts. These advances in medicine are to make sure we all have the best lives possible, so why not embrace the fact that, yeah, I might be a little ‘off’ on my own, but I have so many resources available to me that can make my life so much better.” —Morgan S., 28
5. Sometimes therapy isn’t enough.
“I just started taking medication for depression this year, and I can’t believe I was living for years with the condition and its anxious symptoms when I didn’t have to. As an Asian American, mental health—and especially medication for it—isn’t something that’s talked about in my family. My parents thought I just needed to learn stress relief techniques and go to therapy, but that wasn’t enough. I realized [medication] was a viable and not uncommon option once my partner pointed out that many of my friends were on antidepressants and I asked them about their positive experiences with medication. I cried the first time I took a pill because I felt I was broken, but now I feel I can get so much more of my work done and enjoy being present with others without the compulsion to stay in my room and cry over stressful scenarios I’ve made up in my mind.” —Lauren C., 24
6. It might take some time to get used to the medication…
“The process of deciding whether or not to start using medication to treat my anxiety and depression was stressful, but my psychiatrist, therapist, and close friends reassured me that it was a valid option to take on, seeing as my condition was worsening earlier in the year. What held me back the most was being seen as weak or broken. I felt like it was my fault for making choices that led me to become ill. But with time, I began to accept the fact that it was just biology, like how diabetics take insulin shots to regulate their blood sugar…taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) would help regulate the chemicals in my brain too. Adjusting to the medication was difficult for me—I dealt with nausea, poor sleep, and stomach problems while getting used to it and changing my dosage. But ultimately, even though the process wasn’t easy, it was also easily one of the best decisions I made all year.” —Rachel H.*, 23,
7. …And one day, you and your doc might decide to switch it up.
“I started taking an antidepressant back in 2017 while I was dealing with an excessive amount of panic and anxiety attacks. At first, I was skeptical that a small pill could take away my anxiety attacks, which had been causing me so much stress in my life. I took it anyway, starting off at a low dose and having the dosage raised by a small amount every month. I had a negative experience when my dose reached a certain level, but eventually, my body adjusted. It took a few months to really feel the positive effects of this SSRI, but when I did, it significantly improved my mental health, albeit with the occasional depressive episode. Antidepressants affect everyone differently, and for the most part it truly helped ease the cloud of excessive panic and anxiety attacks that followed me around. I’ve since stopped taking medication after speaking with my provider.” —Nina B., 29
8. You might have to make some sacrifices…
“My Sunday scaries used to involve a weekly panic attack about going back to work and the upcoming week ahead. Post medication, I haven’t had any panic attacks and can rationalize that anxiety in a realistic manner without spiraling into a panic. My sex drive and motivation are shot, but my Sunday evenings are better.” —Sera T. 29
9. …But the benefits can be worth it.
“I avoided getting medicated for potential ADHD for years because my parents didn’t want ‘yet another thing wrong about me.’ I eventually got diagnosed at 30, and since taking medication, I am SO much more productive and honest with people. Some people think medication is a trap that makes you weak. I would say it makes me a stronger person who wants to live their life.” —Rin B., 31
10. It could save your life.
“I have been lucky in my experience with medications to treat my depression. In high school, I was suicidal, and my mom forced me to see a doctor, which I resented, but it undoubtedly saved my life. I had the fortunate experience of the first med I tried working for me. It took time to find the right dose, but I’ve been on it for a decade now and can’t imagine my life without it. I grew up in a very small town where I think there was likely a lot of mental health stigma, but I have always been very open about it, and I think that worked to my advantage as a teenager and into adulthood. I feel awful on the rare occasions I forget my meds, but, in general, they make me feel like the life I want to build is possible.” —Lexie N., 26
11. It can help you tick off that to-do list.
“When I actually remember to take my [ADHD meds], I feel like I log back into reality. I have combined type ADHD (as well as autism), and I didn’t realize how much I mentally checked out to cope with the simultaneously buzzing and boring world around me. So much of my body suddenly switched on [the first time I took my meds], and I was finally capable of putting my mind to something and doing it.” —Gates H.*, 27
12. It doesn’t make you weak.
“In January 2022, I took a leave of absence from grad school for my mental health and began taking psychiatric medications. I spun a harmful narrative about myself that taking a break meant I was less intelligent and capable. The stigma surrounding medications certainly contributed, given the stereotype that if you take meds, you lack ‘mental toughness.’ Now, I’m happy to share my experiences with meds and how they have helped me build stability and resilience.” —Paige T., 26
13. And life might become more vibrant.
“In 2015, during a period of depression and anxiety, my doctor told me that the most effective treatment for anxiety and depression was talk therapy in tandem with medication, so I started off on a low dose of medication. It was incredibly affirming to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression because it suggested my pain wasn’t all in my head and was valid. Even so, I was so ashamed that they prescribed psychiatric medication. About two weeks after taking my meds, I felt a 180-degree shift in my mental state. I describe in my book how colors started looking brighter, music started to sound better, and I felt taller both physically and emotionally. Seven years later, I’m in the process of successfully tapering off, but I’ll always be grateful for the way medication rewired some of the chemistry in my brain in a way I wasn’t able to do on my own.” —Marissa M., 30
14. And you can dedicate more energy to other areas of your life.
“I was diagnosed with GAD and depression in late 2019. My psychiatrist placed me on medication as a form of treatment, but I felt the effects of my diagnoses long before then. After years of reducing my symptoms to a ‘personality trait,’ getting a psychiatric diagnosis, treatment, and validation led to what felt like an alteration in my worldview. My depressive symptoms and severe anxiety became much more manageable, and my medication gave me the opportunity to dedicate more time and energy to practicing other forms of mental health and wellness that enhanced the effects of my medication.” —Noelle S., 23
15. High achievers can benefit from it too.
“When I was 25, I was a thriving, high-achieving, successful student turned post-grad professional, but my anxiety was crippling me. My primary care doctor prescribed medication to treat generalized anxiety and depression, which at the time, sounded absolutely terrifying. I begrudgingly took my prescribed dosage, which initially felt like admitting ‘defeat.’
Once I [found the right dosage], I felt like the medication had finally taken the edge off of life that my brain chemistry so deeply wanted. I’m deeply fortunate that the first prescribed medication worked for me, as I know it can take frustrating trial and error to find what works best for you.” —Taylor O., 32
*Name has been changed.
Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
The post 15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>The post Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
02.25.25
Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down
The emotional x-ray you didn’t know you needed.
When times get tough, the tough get mindful. (That’s the saying, right??) While mindfulness isn’t the solution to all of life’s problems, it can be a useful tool for getting through the tough stuff. And one of the grounding tactics that mental health pros often suggest is the simple yet powerful body scan.
A body scan is exactly what it sounds like: a mindfulness exercise that involves tuning into each part of your body, one by one. That might look like lying down and focusing on the top of your head, noticing sensations like tension or tingling. Then, you’ll move on to your forehead, eyes, ears, jaw, etc. until you’ve gone through your whole body. As you scan each part of your meat suit, the goal is not to judge your bodily functions or sensations. The point is to stay focused on how you physically feel so you can maybe (hopefully) get out of your head a little.
This process can help you focus on the present moment, says licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD, Wondermind Advisory Committee member. That can be hugely beneficial for calming racing thoughts. That’s great for someone dealing with anxiety, overwhelm, stress, or worry (so like every single one of us), Dr. Polyné explains.
The same goes if you’re feeling down, sad, or depressed. “Most people who have anxiety are focused on the future; with depression, you may be focused on shame or guilt from the past,” Dr. Polyné says. Because a body scan means honing in on how different parts of your body feel now, you can get out of your head and into the present moment—which is often helpful for a racing brain that can’t stop, won’t stop. When you’re grounded and focused on this moment, it’s easier to figure out the next steps, she adds.
There are lots of versions of this mindfulness practice out there. For example, progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), where you tense and release each muscle group one at a time, can also help you hone in on your physical body and the present moment. But you don’t have to flex to get the mindfulness benefits of a body scan. Any exercise that requires you to shift your focus from one area to the next as you breathe mindfully can soothe racing thoughts, Dr. Polyné explains. So if it’s easier or less stressful for you to focus on watching leaves float by on a stream, for instance, then go with that!
Here, Dr. Polyné explains exactly how to do a body scan the next time you need to find some calm in the chaos.
1. Find a safe space.
You may be wondering where to do this type of exercise. And that’s a fair question. While you can get into it pretty much anywhere, a space that feels relaxing, safe, and comfortable is ideal—especially if you want to close your eyes.
If you’re better with your eyes open, that’s cool! You can do this exercise at work or another public space by focusing on an object in the room with a soft, relaxed gaze, says Dr. Polyné.
2. Focus on your breath first.
OK, you’ll get to scanning your bod in a sec. But, for maximum chill, it’s very helpful to start this process by zooming in on your breath, explains Dr. Polyné.
The gist: Slowly breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Take as many breaths as you need to get into a calm, regular rhythm. From there, you may start to feel more centered and present.
Keep in mind: distractions can and will happen. As you get settled, it’s common for your brain to space out, says Dr. Polyné. When that happens, just remind yourself that it’s normal (because it is) and let those thoughts pass without judgment. Circle back to your breath and try to make it your main focus.
3. Begin scanning your body, starting with your toes.
It is time. You can start a body scan from either the top of your body (your head) or the bottom (your feet) and then move up or down—whichever direction feels right to you. But, for this example, we’re starting at your toes.
Notice any sensations that arise: Do your toes feel tense, relaxed, or tight? Are they warm, cold, or sweaty? As you assess that area, imagine breathing through the sensation. When you inhale, think of the breath traveling to that part of your body. You can imagine it relieving the tension or cooling the area, she explains. Then, slowly shift your focus to your whole foot, then your calves, thighs, bum, pelvis, stomach—you get the idea. Whatever you do, don’t rush the process. Try getting in a few good, deep breaths at each body part.
4. Feel whatever feelings arise.
Don’t be surprised if some feelings bubble up as you scan, says Dr. Polyné. Maybe you sense into your belly and feel heat and then grief or sadness. It’s OK if you’re caught off guard, but don’t dismiss the emotion. Instead, lean in and let it flow—whatever that looks like for you.
If this is the first time in a while that you’ve tuned into your physical and emotional feels, that can be intense. When you notice your feelings and accept them without judgment, it can keep them from sneaking up on you at less convenient times. Whether we like it or not, we can’t eliminate our feelings, says Dr. Polyné. They’re just part of being a person.
5. Slowly bring yourself back to the present moment.
After you’ve breathed, scanned, and felt your feelings, you’re ready to come back to wherever you left off. Open your eyes, look around the room, and shift your awareness from your body to your environment. Your breath should stay steady as you stand up (take it easy, champ).
If you’re up for it, journaling about your experience can help you make the most of it, says Dr. Polyné. You can log what sensations or emotions came up and how you felt overall during the scan. If there were feelings in certain parts of your body that brought up big emotions, take note of those too. For extra credit, jot down what you felt like before your body scan and after. That might encourage you to keep it up.
6. Make it a thing.
As with all mindfulness techniques, body scans work best when you practice them regularly. Meaning, one session likely won’t change your life. But, by making it a practice (as in three-ish times a week), you’ll likely find that you get more out of the experience. You might even start looking forward to them. Over time, the ability to accept tough stuff, brush off intrusive thoughts, and move through emotions can become so much easier.
The post Here’s How to Do a Body Scan Meditation to Calm Down appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>The post 9 Things to Keep in Your Social Anxiety Toolkit appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
02.14.25
9 Things to Keep in Your Social Anxiety Toolkit
Pregame your next function with these tips.
It’s rare to find someone who never feels nervous speaking in front of a crowd or making small talk with strangers at a party. (Though, if that’s you, please tell us your secrets.) We all want to make a good impression and genuinely connect with people. That said, if anxious thoughts and feelings become all-consuming, you might be dealing with social anxiety or social anxiety disorder.
ICYMI, social anxiety exists on a spectrum, meaning this is something you can experience a little or lot, even if you don’t fit the criteria for social anxiety disorder. Generally speaking though, if you fear being judged or rejected by others, replay slip-ups in your head, and alter your life to avoid people—and this has been going on consistently for at least six months—you might be dealing with social anxiety disorder, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR).
Whether you’ve been officially diagnosed or you’re just sick of feeling anxious in pretty much every social situation, there are lots of ways to deal with social anxiety. Here, we asked people to share what’s in their social anxiety toolkit. Feel free to borrow their tools for your next dinner party.
1. A book that breaks down the benefits of being social
“Just like there are books about how to be a better parent or run a better business, there are books about how to be a better friend,” says Smiley Poswolsky, speaker and author of Friendship in the Age of Loneliness.
If your social anxiety gets in the way of making and keeping strong friendships, it might be time to take a beat and explore why these relationships can be such a boon for your health and happiness.
He recommends The Art and Science of Connection by social scientist Kasley Killam, MPH. In the book, Killam lays out why fostering meaningful relationships and prioritizing community boosts your physical and mental well-being. She unpacks the science behind human connection and offers practical tips to help you mingle, chat, or bond better with just about anyone.
2. Meditations that help you be nicer to yourself
If your self-talk sounds like a bully every time you’re getting ready to go be social, cultivating some self-compassion can help manage social anxiety, says Killam (author of the newsletter Social Health With Kasley Killam).
Killam explains that, back when she struggled to open up to other people, self-compassion meditations taught her how to be kinder and more accepting of herself. That enabled her to become more comfortable around others, she explains.
And that tracks: When you don’t hold yourself to super high standards or unrealistic expectations, it’s easier to be yourself. Plus, a self-compassion practice can remind you that you’re awesome. That self-esteem boost might make you more likely to believe others think you’re awesome too. All of this can be especially helpful for people with social anxiety.
If you’re down, Killam recommends these free self-compassion meditations and exercises from researcher Kristin Neff, PhD, as a helpful starting point.
3. Putting your anxious thoughts on trial
Social anxiety can seriously distort your self-image by fueling the idea that you’re too much or not enough compared to others. So, if your social anxiety has done a number on your self-esteem, Melinde Huez, a confidence coach and host of the podcast Behind the Layers, recommends these journal prompts to flip the script.
- Write down the negative beliefs you have about yourself. Focus on the ones that carry the most weight. For example: My friends don’t actually like me, I’m not interesting enough to hold good conversations, or, People think I’m weird.
- Then, write down what you wish you believed about yourself. It could be, My friends love to spend time with me, I ask thoughtful questions, or I make people feel good.
- For the next couple of weeks, jot down the moments that back up those aspirational beliefs. Did your friends invite you to hang out this week or accept your invite? Did you have a nice conversation with someone new? Did someone thank you for being kind? Over time, you’ll likely notice those positive beliefs are more realistic than you thought.
4. Convincing yourself you’re actually excited
Anyone who’s ever been told to just “relax” knows this: It’s impossible to calm down when social anxiety jitters hit. So, instead of trying to white-knuckle your way to calm, reframe that energy as something more joyful, says clinical psychologist Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, author of How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety and the newsletter How to Be Good to Yourself When You’re Hard on Yourself. “It’s hard to slow a racing heart and jangling nerves, even when we tell ourselves to calm down,” Dr. Hendriksen explains.
She points to a study in which participants sang Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ karaoke-style in front of a researcher. Right before they hit the stage, they were told to say one of five different statements: I am anxious, I am excited, I am calm, I am angry, I am sad. Others were asked to say nothing at all.
The “I am anxious” group performed the worst, while the “I am excited” group put on the best show. Why? Before a high-pressure moment, your body revs up. “So, rather than trying to change our physiology, we can change our mindset.” Saying you’re excited helps you believe it, and makes the anxiety-inducing task feel less like a threat and more like a fun opportunity.
5. Setting a timer
Sarah Wilson is the author of First, We Make the Beast Beautiful, a book that explores her experience with anxiety and bipolar disorder. As a speaker, she knows what it’s like to “turn it on” around others. “I can go out with one or two people and love it. And I can do a presentation on stage in front of 3,000 people,” she says. But she’s also faced the other end of the spectrum: feeling panicky at a party and wanting to leave immediately.
When that happens, Wilson tells herself, “This is only going to last about 15 minutes. Let’s sit through it. Let’s do this once. Let’s laugh at it.” When it’s over, you’re free to head out—but you might actually feel OK sticking it out for a bit longer.
6. Facing your fears at improv
Hear us out: An improv class might sound emotionally hellish, but it might be just the thing that helps you deal with your social anxiety, says clinical psychologist and friendship expert Miriam Kirmayer, PhD.
During improv, you might be asked to participate in group games or exercises that feel silly, nonsensical, and yep, a little awkward (see: anxiety-inducing). Still, these scenarios can help you become a better listener, build confidence in a playful and creative environment, and learn to just go with it. “Having finally followed through on a personal goal and registered in an improv course myself, I can attest to the fact that it’s an incredible opportunity for self-reflection and growth,” Dr. Kirmayer says.
7. An affirmation that shifts the spotlight
Keeping an easy-to-remember affirmation in your back pocket can be a game-changer when you’re feeling tense or tongue-tied. Friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson, author of Fighting for our Friendships and host of the podcast Friend Forward, often gives this one to her clients with social anxiety: Curiosity over performance.
“So much anxiety comes from being fretful over the unknown, so we try to make up for that uncertainty by planning, scripting, and performing,” she explains. But these habits tend to do the opposite of what you want (less fun, less genuine connection). So, when you chat with people, take the focus off yourself by being curious. “Ask questions,” Jackson says. Prioritizing curiosity about the other person over your own performance can help you feel less anxious while also making room for you to be surprised and delighted by whoever you’re talking to.
8. This much-needed pep talk
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it might be you: Perfection is the enemy of the good—and rarely a catalyst for connection, says Dr. Kirmayer, who is part of Wondermind’s Advisory Committee. Because a lot of social anxiety is rooted in the fear of being judged, those dealing with it often feel a deep need to appear perfect. But, unfortunately, that internal pressure to be flawless just backfires, she explains.
So put a note in your phone or a sticky note on your computer reminding you that perfection gets in the way of connection. “We’re drawn to people who are real, who make mistakes, and who are a little quirky,” Dr. Kirmayer says. “We don’t need perfection in others; we crave authenticity.”
9. Telling your inner critic to eff off
So, you stumbled over your words, overshared at brunch, or cracked a joke that didn’t land. Now you’re replaying the situation in your head and can’t stop sinking into your personal sea of embarrassment.
When your mind won’t stop ruminating on the bad, social anxiety and confidence coach Bianca Curley recommends ID’ing one good thing that came out of the interaction or event. Then, tell your inner critic, “At least I did it,” or “At least I tried.”
And when all else fails? Tap a literal “F*ck it!” button. For $12, it’ll always be there to tell you what’s up. As she notes, “Take the seriousness out of it—make light of the situation!”
The post 9 Things to Keep in Your Social Anxiety Toolkit appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>The post The Right Way to Apologize, According to Therapists appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
It’s hard to apologize. Whether you’re not used to doing it, trying to find the perfect way to make amends, or struggling to take accountability, acknowledging that you messed up sucks.
Plus, if you’re scared of seeing yourself in a negative light or letting others in on your mistakes, apologizing can be extra triggering, says Amalia Miralrío, LMSW, LCSW, founder of Amity Detroit Counseling.
You might believe admitting fault is evidence that you’re a bad person who’s undeserving of attention or love. That’s especially true if you weren’t allowed to make mistakes growing up, adds licensed psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD.
If you can relate, remember apologizing is a skill that builds healthier relationships with yourself and others. Over time, you’ll learn that it’s OK to screw up and admit fault. Doing so might even lead to deeper connections with those you care about most. Which, yeah, sounds pretty good.
You don’t even have to apologize perfectly, says Dr. Shumway. “It’s about intention,” he explains. “What matters most is showing the other person you’re willing to take responsibility and repair the relationship.”
No matter what you’re apologizing for, the goal is to have an open heart and mind—and prove that you care, Dr. Shumway says. In other words, you don’t need the perfect tone or even a script to apologize effectively, he says.
With that in mind, here’s what you do need to express your regret, make amends, and move forward in a sincere way. You got this!
Consider your motives
If your goal is to make this problem go away, you’re doing it wrong. Like we said, apologizing is about acknowledging that you messed up and that you care about the person you hurt.
So, if you’re trying to fast-forward through some conflict by owning up to something that wasn’t your fault (it happens) or saying sorry when you’re not, do not pass go.
Dr. Shumway says those motives can make your delivery seem insincere (maybe? because? it is?). “A meaningful apology comes from caring about the other person and wanting to repair the relationship,” he adds.
Get grounded.
It’s understandable if the idea of apologizing freaks you out. While that’s not an excuse to avoid fessing up, taking a sec to remind yourself it’s safe before diving in might be warranted.
When your heart is racing or you start to sweat, getting present can help you find some calm, says Dr. Shumway. If you’re into affirmations, tell yourself, “Even though this feels awkward, I will be proud of myself for doing the right thing,” Dr. Shumway suggests. You could also try, “People appreciate when I hold myself accountable.”
If those phrases aren’t doing it for you, a mindfulness exercise might. Try box breathing: Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold again for four counts, and then start the whole thing over. Another option, look around you and name as many things as you can see.
Once you’re feeling mostly normal again, you’re ready to go.
Ditch the caveats.
Again, if you’re not prepared to take full accountability for your actions, you’re not ready to apologize.
But if you’re prepared to say you’re sorry with your chest, you’ll need to drop any excuses. Unfortunately, anything that starts with, “I’m sorry, but,” is not a genuine apology, says Dr. Shumway.
When you chase your apology with, “But you knew that would set me off,” or “But I’ve been so stressed lately,” you’re not accepting total responsibility for what you did or said.
Same goes if your apology sounds like, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” says Miralrío. In both cases, you’re side-stepping ownership. That doesn’t reassure the other person that you actually see the harm you caused or that you won’t do it again.
In the end, the best way to convey your humility, sincerity, and maturity is to say, “I’m sorry.” The only thing you should be tacking on is the behavior you regret and why you regret it. That’s it. “It’s a simple but powerful way to open the door to repair,” Dr. Shumway adds.
Create a plan of action—and share it.
A top-notch apology also involves changing your behavior to avoid that shit from happening again. This shows the other person that you’re serious about making things better, says Dr. Shumway.
So think about what you could have done differently before you apologize. Maybe you plan to abstain from judgmental comments about your brother’s new girlfriend. Or perhaps you get better about setting reminders so you’re not late to dinner so often. If you’re not sure what to do, ask the other person how they’d like you to make things right.
Whether you’re asking for their input or figuring it out yourself, expressing a way to move forward shows them you’re serious about turning this situation around, says Dr. Shumway.
Make space for their feelings.
After you’ve thoroughly apologized and planned to make it right, it’s time to hear the other person out. This is one of the most critical parts of making amends, says Dr. Shumway.
You can ask, “What do you think about all of that?” or, “Is there anything you’d like to share?” Then, listen without interrupting or defending yourself, says Dr. Shumway. It’s not always easy, but proving you can take feedback when you mess up can deepen relationships over time. It also builds trust.
This is the perfect moment to use your active listening skills. Listen without planning a rebuttal, make eye contact to show you’re paying attention, repeat what you heard them say, and ask if you’ve got it right. If something doesn’t make sense, it’s OK to ask questions, just keep an open mind.
Let go of the outcome
I’m sorry to tell you this, but apologizing doesn’t reset a relationship. And while it’s very understandable to hope the discomfort of this whole situation disappears after you say your piece, that probably won’t happen.
“There’s no guarantee what will happen in the relationship after the apology,” says Miralrío. It’s very possible that the thing you’re apologizing for was too much for the other person. Or they just need more time, space, or communication before they can move forward, says Dr. Shumway. “Be patient and respectful of their process,” he adds.
Even without the promise of a happy ending though, apologizing is important for everyone involved. The point isn’t to fix things right now but to show up for yourself and the other person. That’s all you can control in the end.
The post The Right Way to Apologize, According to Therapists appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>The post 6 Not-Intimidating Ways to Start a Conversation With Anyone appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>
02.07.25
6 Not-Intimidating Ways to Start a Conversation With Anyone
You’re about to be really good at this.
As a journalist and host of the podcast Hurdle, I’m no stranger to making conversation with people I’ve never met—even those I’m very intimidated by. More than 700 episodes in, one of the biggest things I’ve learned about how to start a conversation is that the nerves dissipate once the convo gets flowing.
Outside of my job though, kicking off a conversation with new people can still feel scary sometimes.
And maybe you can relate: Since the pandemic, more of us than ever feel insecure about this everyday social skill, says clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD. If you haven’t been in the habit of connecting with other humans in real life, then of course starting a conversation can seem awkward, she explains
And even if Covid didn’t directly impact where you work or go to school, things like social anxiety, being extremely online, and losing touch with friends can make us feel socially rusty.
Still, tiny moments of connection and conversation can sharpen those skills, making you feel less weird talking to someone new (and probably less lonely too), adds Dr. Polyné.
Don’t freak out, it’s easier than you think! Here, we asked pros for tips to strike up a conversation with anyone. Whether you’re at work, the grocery store, or making a pharmacy run, these pointers will help you feel chill about chatting people up. Look at you go!
1. Check in on yourself first.
If you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, it’s hard to confidently approach people and stay present as you chat, says Dr Polyné. Yeah, that’s kind of a given. But it’s also permission to take a beat to get grounded before jumping into the deep end.
If you’re not feeling your best, an anxiety-fighting mindfulness exercise can help get you there, she adds.
The 5-4-3-2-1 method is a classic. Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. That will help you get out of your head and back into the present moment. If that’s too much to remember, you can also just name as many blue (or green or whatever) things you can see around you.
Box breathing is another solid option. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold again for four counts, and then start the whole thing over. Take as much time as you need to recapture a sense of calm.
2. Read the room.
Maybe you know this, but the scariest part of starting a conversation is the potential for rejection. While you can’t completely avoid it, you can reduce your risk by using context clues, like body language, to inform your approach, says Dr. Polyné.
Generally speaking, you can usually tell if someone is open to talking—or at least being approached—by the way they carry themselves, she adds.
For instance, if someone gets into an elevator with their headphones on, grimacing at their phone, they may not be the ideal candidate for small talk. On the other hand, if they’re smiling or at least present in their environment, there’s a stronger chance they’re open to connection, says Dr. Polyné
3. Lead with an open-ended question.
In a perfect world, your opening line—your conversation starter—provides room for a convo to grow. And, most of the time, a yes or no question isn’t it, says Ryan Howes, PhD, a clinical psychologist.
For example, if you kick it off with, “Did you try that buffalo chicken dip?” you’re likely to get, “Yep,” or, “Nope.” Those answers don’t give you much to work with, which makes it harder to develop a real conversation.
Instead, you can try something like, “What’s the best app you’ve tried so far?” Sure, that could also get you a one-word answer. But you can easily follow, “The meatballs,” with, “Yes, so good! Have you ever tried to make those before?” Or, “Have you ever tried the meatballs from that Italian place down the street?”
Those open-ended questions give you much more information to build upon, adds Dr. Howes.
4. When in doubt, ask for an opinion or some help.
Everyone has an opinion, so asking someone for their perspective or feedback can be a super reliable way to start a conversation with someone new, says Dr. Howes. You can ask the guy at the other table if his sandwich is good, you can ask your neighbor how long they think this stretch of crappy weather will last, or you can ask your cousin’s new girlfriend what podcasts she likes. So! Easy!
One word of caution though, mentally prepare yourself for opinions that differ from yours, adds Dr. Howes. Instead of rejecting it outright and moving on, stay curious and try to learn how they came to that conclusion, he explains.
Another simple way to connect with someone is to ask for help, says Dr. Howes. This could be especially helpful if you’re starting a new job or moving to a new place. Asking your coworkers or neighbors for a quick hand or a few pointers can be a great jumping-off point. “I’ve seen many friendships built from this simple tool,” he explains.
5. Show some vulnerability.
While it’s nice to go into a conversation feeling confident or at least grounded, it’s totally fine to acknowledge that you’re low-key freaking out, says Dr. Howes. “One of the most disarming statements is, ‘I feel a little anxious in social gatherings with people I don’t know. Do you ever feel this way?’” says Dr. Howes.
By saying the quiet part out loud, you’re showing self-awareness and vulnerability, which are easy for other people to engage with, he explains. “You’ll probably be surprised how well it is received,” he adds.
6. Take rejection like a pro.
Unfortunately, not everyone is down to chat—and it’s really none of our business why that is. Maybe it’s their personality, life circumstances, a crappy day, or just a mismatch in vibes. Who knows!
Yeah, getting the cold shoulder feels bad, but the ability to shake it off and move on is an important conversation skill to master. “Remember, one attempt is just one attempt,” says Dr. Polyné. “If it doesn’t go your way, the next one may be great—so keep putting yourself out there.”
One way to do that is by setting your expectations low. Go into most conversations to get to know someone a little more or just fill time until your buds arrive at the party. If that conversation turns into something amazing, great! If not, that’s fine too.
If you’re getting the sense that someone isn’t into it, an easy way out is to say, “It was nice to meet you!” and be on your way, says Dr. Howes. “If there was some spark, you might end up talking again. If not, you’ve moved on to meet someone you connect with better,” he adds.
The post 6 Not-Intimidating Ways to Start a Conversation With Anyone appeared first on Wondermind.
]]>