Stories Link Copied 03.14.25

33 Ways to Ask for Help That Actually Work (and Aren’t Scary)

Fight the urge to add, "No worries if not!!!" ByShannon Barbour Additional reporting byAshley Oerman

Whether you’re struggling with a work problem or something more personal, figuring out how to ask for help can be daunting. That’s especially true if you’re embarrassed about needing an assist in the first place.

Blame it on ~society~ or the way you were raised, but it’s common to feel like you have to go it alone through the hard stuff. 

For example, you might have been taught that accomplishments are only worthy of celebration if you do it yourself. If others contributed to your efforts, the achievement doesn’t count. With that mindset, who would even consider sending an SOS in the thick of a work project, finals week, or just cleaning out the garage?

On top of that, the idea of seeking support can be tainted by embarrassment, shame, and a fear of rejection. Maybe you reached out to someone for help in the past and were met with crickets or a snarky comment. That can definitely make you think twice before doing it again. 

Honestly, the number of reasons you might hesitate to get help are endless—everyone has their own brand of phone-a-friend phobia. But we’re happy to report that there are just as many strategies to ask for it.

Below, you’ll find a bunch of copy/paste-able ways to send up a verbal smoke signal when you need it (you’ll even learn how to ask for help without asking for help). Get ready to feel a lot better. 

When you’re in your feels 

Here’s a gentle newsflash: People will generally just not respond if they don’t have the time and energy to talk, so don’t be afraid about bothering someone when you’re emotionally underwater. When it’s time to open up, be as direct as possible about your feelings and what might help and consider acknowledging how tough this is for you without being overly, “No worries if not!!!” 

Even if you don’t totally know what you’re feeling at the moment, you’re allowed to just ask a friend to go on a boba run and then try to sift through your stuff together (also that would be *chef’s kiss* if you get the sense your feelings are mainly loneliness).

Whatever route you choose, here are some ways to start the convo. 

1. I don’t mean to burden you, but I’ve been struggling with something, and I think talking to you would really help. Could I share the situation with you?
2. I’m really, really overwhelmed about [insert what’s bugging you here]. Could you let me know what you think?
3. This is hard for me to talk about, and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to. But… can we try? 
4. Honestly, I’m not doing OK, but it would really help to talk to you about what’s going on, if you have time. 
5. I’m feeling a little off lately. Would you be down to watch the game later or go to the movies with me?
6. I’m not sure I need advice or anything, but can I word vomit about this issue I’m having? 
7. To be honest, I’m having a hard time right now. 
8. Hey, I need some help.

When you want to ask for help…without asking for help

Listen, being direct and using your words is highly recommended when seeking guidance from others. Communicating clearly helps your people understand the problem, what you need, and how they can help. 

If you’re out here looking to get a hand without coming off too strong, there are ways to ease into the chat.

However, once you’ve got their attention, the key is to be straightforward about the issue and the part they can play. It’s not enough to put yourself out there and hope they read your mind, unfortunately. With those caveats out of the way, here are a few questions to break the ice.

1. It’s been a while since we’ve had a life update! When are you free?
2. Quick question: How much bed rotting is too much bed rotting? 
3. Is Mercury retrograde making your month as unhinged as mine? 
4. I’m in desperate need of some comfort TV. Any recs? 
5. Have I ever told you how good you are at giving advice? 
6. Do you like your therapist? Are they taking new clients? 
7. I haven’t showered in four days. Is that bad? 
8. Is the existential dread coming for you too?

When the stakes aren’t super high

Reaching out isn’t always a make-or-break scenario. So it’s OK to be a little more casual about asks like needing friendship advice or help transporting the amazing, definitely not bed-bug-ridden dresser you spotted on the curb. When the situation is more chill, here are some convo-starters to borrow. 

1. Can I be mean for a sec? I need to vent. 
2. Are you emotionally available for a deep chat, by chance? I need some advice but don’t wanna overwhelm you. Let me know if there’s a good time!
3. Not to be dramatic, but this is an 🆘
4. I need help with _____, and I don’t really know how to deal. Can you brainstorm with me? 
5. Hi! Can I tell you about my awful day?
6. Mind helping me with this thing that’s been bugging me when you get a chance? 
7. I need an assist. Like, right now. 
8. Wait, I need your take on this. 
9. Can you help me with something real quick? 
10. Pls. Send. Help. (Or Uber Eats, but call me.)

When you have to be professional about it 

If your problems are work-related, you’ll probably want to maintain some composure while expressing what’s up to your colleagues. Bursting into tears, while often effective at getting immediate help, isn’t always the way you want to get your point across. Here’s how to touch base/run it up the flagpole/close the loop or whatever corporate jargon your boss speaks. 

1. I’m not quite sure how to manage these new tasks on top of my existing workload. Could you help me prioritize?
2. You’re so good at _____. Can I run something by you for a gut check? 
3. I’ve been working on _____, and I’m feeling a little stuck. Do you have time for a 10-minute chat to answer a few Qs that could help me finish this up? 
4. I’ve been trying to improve on _____, and I really value your input. Would you be open to chatting about this in our next 1:1? 
5. Can I borrow your brain for a few minutes? 
6. Hi, squeaky wheel here. Can we revisit _____? 
7. When _____ doesn’t get done, it impacts _____. Could you help me take care of these tasks more often? 

Also, if you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to or if you’re in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

The post 33 Ways to Ask for Help That Actually Work (and Aren’t Scary) appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 06.06.24

Gavin Rossdale Is Big Into Self-Love

The Bush frontman talks about loneliness on tour, communicating his feelings, and how he approaches parenting. ByShannon Barbour

Thirty years after Bush’s debut, the band’s frontman Gavin Rossdale is feeling better than ever and is gearing up to release even more music centered on mental health and connection with a new album. “My proudest quality of the work we’ve done in Bush is to have songs that give people literal refuges, like life rafts in a storm,” he tells Wondermind before kicking off Bush’s summer tour on June 1. 

Rossdale is an open book, previously sharing how he overcame substance misuse, remorse around his divorce from Gwen Stefani, and how his childhood sticks with him today. Here, he continues to destigmatize mental health and talks about communicating his feelings, the loneliness and guilt that comes with touring, how he checks in with his children, and more. 

WM: How are you doing lately? 

Gavin Rossdale: My mental health is always fluid, and having just more or less completed the writing of our next record, I feel really good because there’s a great sigh of relief when it’s a big mountain. It’s a big mountain, making a record. … You’re like, God damn, I pulled it out again. I may not do another one. Maybe I forget how to write songs, but I got this far. So, I feel good. 

And my kids have been here for the last 10 days. We had a great dinner with ’em last night, and they all leave for school in the morning. … My eldest drives them, and that just fills my heart with love and appreciation. So when I shut the door this morning, I had a pep in my step.

WM: You also have a tour coming up. How are you feeling as you’re getting ready for those first shows?

GR: I’m super excited to begin a big tour this summer, and we’ve worked really hard at that. … I just feel proud of what we’ve achieved. This is basically a celebration. I never wanted to do a greatest hits. I always thought that was like a swan song. I was like, “But I don’t want to leave the party.” And I don’t know why I was thinking that because it’s nonsense. You can have a greatest hits and just keep going. … [It’s] moving to see the effect the music we’ve made has had on people for so long. … I believe in humility, but it has been powerful to recognize the power that music has had on people. It’s OK to do that. 

WM: What does your mental health and self-care routine look like these days when you go on tour?

GR: I practice a huge degree of self-love at the moment. I am a maniac. I play a lot of tennis, four times a week, and it’s quite competitive, quite strong. Then I come back and I sit in my infrared, and I sit in the ice bath because I’m a sucker for what’s going on at the zeitgeist. … It’s so harsh, but it’s the most extreme form of self-love because I know that that’s really doing me a world of good and stops me walking around like I’m 70 years old. 

If you go to the gym, if you go sit in the steam room, if you go sit in an ice bath, if you walk around a park, if you run around a park—I didn’t used to think of it like this, but I came to realize that these are forms of self-love because what you’re doing is you’re giving yourself what you need to feel good. 

On tour, the self-love will be just taking that time to connect with my friends. I can get lonely during the day. Daytime you spend going, What am I doing? I feel super guilty being away from my kids. I will be away from them for like five weeks. So it’s very painful for me to think of them and think, Oh, I’m not there. And what are they going through? How do they feel? How’s their day? What’s troubling them? It’s hard if you’re not physically with ’em. So some days I walk around feeling a little bit melancholic, thinking, I don’t know. Can I do this? This is not right. 

And then at night, I get the crowd, and the crowd’s great, and I go, I love this. This is why I’m here! And I’m up till four going, This is a great life! The next day I’m like, Oh my God, what am I going to do? I’ve got to get back. It’s a bit of a roller coaster. Mental health is a roller coaster, isn’t it? Some days you feel good, some days you feel challenged, and I think that life is really challenging.

I think that mental health is just the cornerstone of everything because, God, we’ve just toiled through. I’m from England, sort of stiff upper lip. Everybody’s not meant to say how you feel, not meant to talk about your emotions and stuff. And yet we have the highest suicide rates ever. It’s just terrible. 

My whole working life is about how to write songs that are really vulnerable, but not in an annoying, self-pitying way like, Oh, well woe is me. What’s going to happen? I try and be as honest and as vulnerable as I can, but through a position of strength. I’m a patriarch. I’ve got dependents. I can’t be wandering around like a sad cloud. But at the same time, my mental health is really important. So that’s been my life’s work really is to write songs that people can relate to. 

It’s funny because when you first start out, you don’t necessarily have a goal about that stuff. You just sort of write what comes to you. And I was like, Oh, I emotionally complain a lot in my songs. You know, This and that is bothering me. “Everything Zen” was the very first single. That is a complete mental health song. I’ve always been attuned to that because I care. I care about my friends, I care about my family, and I care about myself. 

Communicating your troubles has worked for me. “Oh, this is really bothering me!” I always feel much better about that. … It’s so much about communication, isn’t it? And about being honest with yourself and saying what’s bothering you and why. People, we’re so complex. It’s funny. We’re annoying. We’re very complex animals.

WM: Talking to people can be such a beneficial thing, but it’s also so hard. And when we don’t share, we can feel so lonely, and we’re in a loneliness epidemic now.  

GR: As a society, this discussion of mental health has been incredible. I mean, suicide rates are just insane. It makes no sense the number of daily suicides. It’s a tragedy. But when you think about it, it’s like it began from the Industrial Age. Not to go too far into it, but just the whole thing about how we’ve prioritized money and status over happiness. … The world is never going to change. It’s a capitalist, go-get society. But I think the more that people discuss mental health, [the more it helps]. 

The pandemic shone a light on that because it really ramped up the loneliness factor. … I’m a lone wolf, so I was fine, but I have friends who were losing their minds by being alone. They were really weepy and tearful. I couldn’t relate to that, but that’s because my journey was different. My friend’s journey was like, “I just need to talk to someone.” And they just need to connect. 

In a way, that’s what’s happening now. People are just so worried… because everything’s so expensive. It’s so hard. People have to work a number of jobs to make end’s meet. And then it’s like, “Care about your mental health.” But I’ve got my rent, and I’ve got student loans. What am I supposed to do? There’s stress.

WM: And then when you’re done with work and everything, sometimes the last thing you want to do is be social and connect with people. 

GR: It’s really, really difficult. The weird thing is that with Instagram and the more people share their lives, the less they need to have actual interaction. It’s antisocial media, really. It’s like, “Oh, hey, look, I’m doing A, B and C. I’ve got a great…” So if either people have FOMO or go, “I don’t get that. How come I don’t go out for dinners like that? How come I don’t live that life?” It’s really confusing for people. Then you add in the bullying. It’s treacherous terrain for mental health at all times.

WM: As a father, how do you feel about raising kids and teenagers today, and how do you talk to them about mental health?

GR: The power of language. The power of communication. It really comes down to understanding who your kids are. … I get the opportunity, with three young kids in my house, to experience three way different characters. I get to learn how to best communicate with each one in separate ways. … Some of my kids more outwardly wear their emotions on their sleeve. You see when they come in, what they may or may not be upset or happy about [or if they feel] elevated or reduced. And then maybe I have another kid who you can’t tell what’s going on, and you have to scratch the surface and just dig and ask and dig and ask.

I ask all the time, “Do you feel safe? Do you feel loved?” … It’s such a good thing to check in. “Do you feel cared for? Do you feel loved? Do you feel it?” That’s much better than “I love you” because I don’t know if they can hear that. But they have to tell you if they feel loved. Then you know that you are being heard. 

Especially with kids, love is the time you spend with them. Love is how present you are. Not, “Hey, I won’t be home for a few days, but there’s a baby Escalade in the driveway. It’s all charged up. You can drive it around.”… That’s my only weapon to fend off all these things [and] my kids experiencing all these terrible things, which they will experience. You cannot go through life without being melancholic or lost or lonely. [It’s] ridiculous to think. You’d have to have a lobotomy to not feel those things. It’s part of being alive. But if they can feel love, they can feel my support, they can feel my presence, that’s a strong kind of scaffolding behind them.

WM: What message would you like to leave with readers?

GR: It’s important to know that part of life is struggling, and you can’t expect a life that does not have struggle. But everything is fixable, and it’s only through truthful communication. It starts with yourself, by the way, that you can get to a better place. The more truthful you are about how you feel, the more vulnerable you are in terms of your needs, people can understand what they’re not doing for you and how you’re not being helped. It’s really about advocating for yourself, communicating. 

Bad things happen to us all, and it really is a case of: Do you get wounded by that or do you get wise? If you can get wisdom and you can learn to not take things personally and to communicate, you put yourself in the best position to be as mentally healthy as possible.

WM: That is such an important reminder that the struggles are inevitable, but we can work through them. 

GR: The biggest irony is it’s often when people are at their public most successful, they quite often can be at their personal most challenged. I don’t want people to think that because they see other people living their best lives that they’re not struggling too. There’s just no chance. Unless you are just literally a moron, you just will be challenged. … The challenges are just part of the fabric of life, and they’re OK, and you can learn from them.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Gavin Rossdale Is Big Into Self-Love appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 05.16.24

Bailee Madison Gets Candid About Her Mental Health While Filming ‘PLL’

“Adulthood really just slaps you in the face.” ByShannon Barbour

Bailee Madison has spent basically her entire childhood entertaining us, from starring in Just Go With It and Bridge to Terabithia to Wizards of Waverly Place and The Fosters. As an adult, she’s released music and has officially rebooted the Pretty Little Liars universe, with the summer school-themed Season 2 currently dropping on Max every Thursday through June 20. “Imogen had a lot of trauma last season, bless her heart. There’s a lot of healing that still needs to be done,” Madison tells Wondermind of her character, who will have a little identity crisis this season.

But how much do you really know about Madison as a person, when she’s not on screen or talking about her roles? Here, Madison shares how filming PLL has impacted her mental health, what helps her feel grounded, and what she’d tell her kid self trying to navigate the industry. 

WM: How are you doing lately? 

Bailee Madison: I’m doing good today. In the last five days, I’ve started doing breathwork in the morning before I get out of bed, which is something I’ve always wanted to do but have really struggled with because I find it really hard to be still and quite simply to breathe. I hold a lot in my chest and in my throat sometimes, so I’m trying to release that a bit more and just be still before I start my day. 

My mental health is a work in progress, as I think all of ours is. I think I’m way more intentional now with trying to recognize it and then also take care of it and give grace. … It’s constantly going to change, and my mind and my heart and my body are going to need new things as I continue to grow. 

WM: Have you noticed a difference since trying your breathwork?

BM: I actually feel more still and balanced. When I say five days ago, I was literally in New York for press, which is always so exciting but such a weird shift in who you are as a person. You go from being in your house with your dog to then outside with a bunch of strangers, and you’re all glammed up and almost have this weird alter ego or identity crisis that you’re constantly working through. 

I love nerves. I still get nervous with everything that I do, but sometimes nerves can transfer into fear. That’s the thing that I don’t want to be in my body. So I feel like it’s helped me enter the day a bit more balanced. Even in workout classes in the past, I’ve been told, “You don’t breathe.” … So I think it’s a step in the right direction.

WM: You have a new season of PLL coming out, and there are some heavy themes throughout the show. When you film tough scenes or explore your character’s trauma and healing, what is that like for you as a person portraying these emotions and experiences?

BM: I definitely think I hold it in my body a bit. I find myself to be a slightly emotional person who can hold onto other people’s energies and emotions. So for 19 hours a day, for nine months at a time, if you’re playing someone who even within the joy still has those cuts inside—just like every human does—it’s something that I’m cautious or thoughtful of even if it’s not on the page or necessarily calling for it.

I was a lot more mindful this season of taking care of my mental health. Last season really put me through the ringer. I remember flying back from filming and my sister looked at me and was like, “You are 20% Bailey. I feel like you are still so deep into that world.”

I usually will do my best to get outside. I think that fresh air is a really important thing for me. Just trying to make the effort to feel the wind and ground myself and see the earth and be intentional with the fact that life is so precious too. 

Faith is [also] a really big part of my life. I found this little church up the street, and I would try to go whenever I could on Sundays and bring the cast members who wanted to come. 

And then distance is definitely a thing that plays into it. So on top of being emotionally attached to a character, you’re then also going home to somewhere that isn’t actually your home, and no one’s really there to ground you or see you. That can sometimes be the most isolating part of filming. You’re around a thousand crew members, and then you walk into your home at night and it’s just kind of silent. That can play with my head. FaceTiming with my nieces or my sister, just anything to kind of grasp onto the reality that I know, I find to be really helpful.

We were filming in the summer [this time], and I noticed that made such a difference because we’d go watch the sunset at the park, we’d go get ice cream,  and my dog was with me. That was amazing. It’s the little things that make the impossible seem a bit more possible. You just have to try to give yourself just those baby steps forward the best that you can.

WM: In January you released a song, “Kinda Fun,”which was inspired by your childhood. Do you mind sharing a little bit more about your relationship with music and what songs or artists feel like therapy to you? 

BM: I grew up on country music, but specifically always had worship music going on, and those are the songs that I will turn to. There’s this one song that’s six minutes long, and it’s called “Build My Life” by Housefires, and that’s my shower song. Some mornings when I’m like, I got to go to work. I might need a quick cry. I’m going to just put this song on and listen to it. And I always feel really grounded. It’s those kinds of songs that I’ll actually listen to before a scene just to try to ground myself and access my emotions. 

I think it’s a really vulnerable experience for artists to put themselves out there. I have wanted to do music because I’ve played characters my whole life, and then I’ve only really had a few slivers of chances and interviews to show who I am and not necessarily what the character is. Whereas with music, most of the time artists are most authentically themselves and they’re healing through their own experiences, through words, and through songwriting. That’s something that I’m constantly searching for: How do I let my soul and myself be seen in the best way and in return have that also take some weight off of my shoulders? 

WM: When did you first start to learn about mental health, and have there been any time periods that have stood out to you in this journey?

BM: I would say the conversation probably started during the first season of the show. We were in Covid times, and we weren’t allowed to have any visitors, and we were filming upstate and very much in the middle of nowhere. … I remember having this moment of: I’m doing a show that has always been a dream of mine, and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m also the lowest I’ve ever been. I didn’t necessarily know what to do with that. I always try, I think, to find the joy and the positivity in everything, so it deeply upsets me if I feel like I’m more of a shell of a human. I think I had to start having those conversations on what made sense. From that point on, at my lowest, I was like, OK, we’ve got to start. And with that came a lot of reflection. 

I mean, there were times in my younger life on sets where things would happen, in family dynamics when I was eight or 11, or things that people say all the time in your childhood. You can say your childhood without disrespecting your childhood, I think. I had to understand that I could acknowledge things that might have dented me a bit and understand that there’s beauty within that but still allow myself to be like, Oh, that’s something that’s not healed yet. That’s something that’s open that I might be taking with me that might be triggered by something. 

The last few months, I think I’ve just been working on using my voice a bit more, talking through it, and not being so upset if I’m having an off day. … It’s a work in progress. I feel like I’m kind of at the edge of the cliff where things are about to start making a bit more sense. It’s been a lot of tough questions, a lot of insecurities that come up, a lot of personal things, and a lot of growth. But I actually hold a lot of gratitude now for the uncomfortableness and for the quiet times or the isolating times. … I think I am the definition of a work in progress at the moment, but I am grateful to be doing the work and to have allowed myself to do it because that in itself was a step that I wasn’t really sure that I was taking when I chose to take it.

WM: If you could give your younger self some advice, what would you say, and which version of yourself would you be talking to?

BM: I’d probably pick my 11-year-old self. There was a situation that happened when I was 11 that really just cut really deep. It made me question my faith at the time. It made me want to quit the industry at the time. The thing that I loved the most, it made me… I was really, really, really low. And I had just come off of, from 6 to 11, the most blessed little life of experiences. 

I would probably say to her that it’s not her responsibility, first of all, but that I appreciate how much she cares about the people around her and how much she wants to give that love back. A person cannot define your success or where you’re going—only you can. … You’re about to embark on a journey that’s fulfilling but is going to be heavy and confusing at times. Give yourself the best grace that you can. Know that the thing that you love will always be there, it’s just going to be in different formulas in your life now. 

And don’t start the self-talk that maybe you’re not good enough. Looking back, 11 on was maybe subconsciously when I started to be highly aware of the industry that I’m in and be highly aware of people’s opinions. And then I had to go through my tweens with that and then my teenage years, and now I’m in my 20s. I just feel like there’s an innocence that starts to be stripped away more and more. I would encourage her to really hold on tight to the child bravery that she had and the belief in herself. That’s something that I’m really doing my hardest to bring back into my life right now, because I think life can dent you. When you’re a kid, I don’t know. There’s this belief that things will be better and that you can be anything that you want to be and do anything that you want. And then adulthood really just slaps you in the face. So I want to carry her a bit more with me. 

WM: What message would you like to leave with readers?

BM: I hope that they love the show. I hope that it brings them a lot of joy. I will say we, as a cast, love doing the show. I think we’re all in our early adulthood years, and the sisterhood that I’ve never had the pleasure to have before, I can actually have on this show. [I’m grateful] for reasons of me being a fan of the show itself, but then also selfish reasons of this is actually such a good thing for my soul and for my growth.

I do just want to say to unplug the best that you can. If you catch yourself scrolling and you’re already aware of the fact that you’re probably not in the best space that day, you really have to put it down the best that you can. … I’m a big fan of giving yourself grace and being like, You know what? I’m going to lay in bed all day. Just make sure that you do feel the air on you just a little bit. It’s the little things, like getting out of bed, sitting outside. If that’s all that you do, if that is your win, then you are winning so hard. 

Reach out to people. Never let yourself get to a point where alone feels like something that you can’t get out of. There are people around you who do love you, even if it’s one person. There’s a stranger out there who actually is willing to extend a hand and walk you through it. I send all my love and the most understanding that I possibly could because we’re all on a journey and our own chapter of life. … Big hugs, and just keep trying. You owe it to yourself. 

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Bailee Madison Gets Candid About Her Mental Health While Filming ‘PLL’ appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 04.30.24

Ashley Judd on Healing From Grief and Trauma

The actor talks suicide prevention and coping with the latest Harvey Weinstein news. ByShannon Barbour

On April 30, 2022, Ashley Judd found her mom, country singer Naomi Judd, and was there in her final moments before she died by suicide. In the years since, the longtime actor and social justice advocate has continued destigmatizing mental health, shared more about her personal challenges, and, most recently, teamed up with the Biden-Harris Administration to roll out the National Strategy for Suicide Prevention. Developed alongside organizations like the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration and the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, the three-year plan includes 200 actions to address the prevalence of suicide in America and mental health crises in at-risk populations. 

In an April 23 White House panel with the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy, Judd shared, “[My mom] lived most of her life with an untreated and undiagnosed mental illness that lied to her and stole from her, and it stole from our family, and she deserved better. I’m also here because I was molested by a man—for the first time that I remember—when I was 7 years old, and that’s when I had the onset of childhood depression.” She continued, “I know the feeling of not wanting to be here, but I had a different experience because I went to treatment in 2006 for unresolved childhood grief and sexual trauma. I’ve been in good recovery for 18 years, and I’ve had a different outcome than my mother, and I carry a message of hope and recovery.” 

Two days after the White House event, Judd’s day was interrupted with the news that Harvey Weinstein’s 2020 sexual assault conviction (which resulted in a 23-year prison sentence) was overturned by the New York Court of Appeals. A quick #MeToo movement refresher: In 2017, Judd was among the first actors to publicly accuse the former film producer of sexual harassment, bringing the #MeToo movement, which dates back to Tarana Burke in 2006, to the forefront. In 2018, Judd sued Weinstein, saying he purposely sabotaged her career after she rejected his advances. (Weinstein maintains that he is not guilty.) 

Here, Judd shares more of what’s on her mind as the second anniversary of her mother’s death approaches, the Weinstein news garners intense backlash, and the Biden-Harris plan rolls out. 

WM: How are you doing lately, considering everything that’s going on in your world right now? 

Ashley Judd: Intellectually, I feel really robust. I’ve had a lot of thoughts and insights. For example, I’ve been thunderstruck at the realization that male sexual violence is a thief. Since the announcement that Harvey Weinstein’s conviction for rape in New York has been overturned, it has really stolen my time. For example, we had to reschedule this interview because I was responding to this institutional betrayal and going on CBS morning news with Jodi Kantor. Then I went bigger and [thought], So much of my life is defined by the principle of freeing women from male sexual harm. What else would I have done with my life if there was no male sexual violence?

From a feeling perspective, I’m not feeling as much because I’m very much in the idea sphere right now. I [do] feel very connected to my community, so that’s a place where I’m really feeling a lot of joy. I’m staying with a great friend, and a great friend Amber Tamblyn just came over and we had an hour together. My partner and my bonus daughter were here for the weekend, and I saw New York from perspectives I’ve never enjoyed. They’re Swiss and had all these ideas that have never occurred to me. 

It’s my mom’s anniversary [on Tuesday], and I’m feeling very sensitive toward myself and self-caring towards myself. So there’s a lot going on there.

WM: This week you are also helping to advocate for the Biden-Harris National Strategy for Suicide Prevention. What points in the strategy are you most excited about?

AJ: What I particularly appreciate is the emphatic inclusion of equity and how they literally baked it into every line. And [Shelby R. Rowe], the Chickasaw woman who was on the panel with me, was invited to review all of the language to specifically ensure that all folks’ mental health was addressed. Suicide disproportionately affects different groups, and everyone deserves to have good mental health and equal access to resources.

WM: One of the other goals involves expanding support for people who have lost someone to suicide. What do you think would’ve been helpful for you and your family following your mom’s passing?

AJ: I think it’s very prudent, wise, and compassionate that postvention is a part of the action plan. I was fortunate because I was already pretty grief- and trauma- literate when Mom died. I knew the difference, for example, between trauma and grief because of my work both on recovering from unresolved childhood grief and sexual trauma, and because of my international feminist social justice humanitarian work. So I had a leg up, and I knew, for example, that I had to address my trauma before I could actually start the organic grieving process.

But a lot of people are bewildered and crushed by their trauma and their grief. And these tools and supports will allow people to believe that they have a right to be happy. They’re not betraying their loved one if they live a good life, and the maelstrom of emotions that they feel are natural and appropriate and they do go through stages. It can be so helpful to have a perspective and go, Oh, the bargaining stage, that’s what’s happening right now. And oh my gosh, I’m in shock. That’s why I’m having this iterative, intrusive memory. It’s shock. Just to get that little bit of space and have that perspective makes all the difference between feeling crushed and paralyzed and being able to reach out for some support and community.

WM: How has your grief journey morphed over the last couple years?

AJ: I knew that I was holding the complexity of both trauma and grief and that being the one who found Mom was a blow to my brain and an insult to my neurobiology. It was also a precious gift because I had the blessing of walking her home. She was breathed into the infinite mercy of God. And to be able to live in the blessing and the honor of midwifing her, I first had to give my brain the opportunity to resolve the trauma.

I started doing work on the trauma within days, and I vomited during my first piece of work. It was like, in the cells of my body. It was in the tissues of my muscles. And that fall, I did an intensive series of EMDR [eye movement desensitization and reprocessing]. … I did two sessions a week for three months; I really leaned hard into that experience. 

When the trauma was resolved, I noticed that then I started the natural grieving process, which was the observable stages. And now I feel this mirth and delight when I think about Mom kicking around in the mystery. She was so fascinated by the cosmos and neuroscience and what happens in the universe, and now she knows.

WM: You’ve been open about getting treatment in 2006 for your mental health. What’s something that gave you hope and made you want to keep going even in your darkest times?

AJ: I felt better. I think I came for relief, and then I got recovery and thriving. That’s an enormous incentive.

WM: What message would you like to share with anyone who has been impacted by suicide or suicidal ideation?

AJ: It’s helpful to talk about it. There are many of us who understand and identify, and we just listened to this the other night. My experience, taken from the James Taylor song “Shower the People,” is when I tell someone the way that I feel, I can feel it beginning to ease. The disease of mental illness, it’s been helpful for me to think of it as a thief and a liar. It creates distorted thinking, and it lies to me. In its most convincing darkness, it whispers, “It will never get any better than this.” If I can have this tiny sliver of memory that this is a disease—it’s not me—it’s a disease that is lying to me, I create a beat where I can reach out to someone. [I can] share the way that I’m feeling, and they will help me, text 988, or give me a little bit of support that will help me reach for a tool.

WM: What else would you like to leave readers with?

AJ: I love the quote from my daily reader today. A truth I really stand by is that the trauma I don’t transform is trauma I will transfer, and I can’t transmit what I do not have. So the most radical thing I can do for the world is to take care of myself. And I really appreciated the way this reading put it: “Being true to myself is one of the greatest gifts I can give to those around me.”

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Ashley Judd on Healing From Grief and Trauma appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 04.26.24

Rachel Platten’s Next Anthem Is Here to Heal You

The “Fight Song” singer is about to release another hit. ByShannon Barbour

Over the last 10 years, Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” has been blasting everywhere from shopping malls to fundraising events. Those familiar “take back my life” lyrics are like a battle cry for anyone who’s been through their own struggle. And while those are some big shoes to fill, Platten is dropping a new anthem for us all on April 26. “I really believe ‘Bad Thoughts’ will be the ‘Fight Song’ for mental health,” she tells Wondermind. 

A full-length album will come later this year, but, in the meantime, Platten tells us the new music is rooted in her experiences with postpartum depression and anxiety. “It’s kind of like the hero’s journey and what happens when you face the darkness and it gets so dark and so overwhelming that you’re forced to cry out ‘mercy’ and fall on your knees and surrender,” she explains. “And then, what does it look like to come out the other side [when you gain] light and peace and inner strength?”  

Here, Platten shares more about her latest project, the words of encouragement that helped her through postpartum, and the mental health stigma she learned to let go of. 

WM: How are you doing lately? 

Rachel Platten: For the first time in a couple of years, [my mental health] is really good. I’m really good—grounded and calm and strong and resourced and happy.

WM: What songs or lyrics off this new album were particularly healing for you to create?

RP: A lot of the songs I wrote were medicine for me at the time that I needed it. I went through a period after “Fight Song” of [thinking], What does the world need from me? I’m the empowerment girl. I stand for this thing. Do I need to go make more songs like that? And there was kind of a rejection in my mind. I don’t want to only do that. I’m not only this one thing. 

The past five years forced me to be so deeply internal, with becoming a mom and having my second child and struggling with postpartum a couple times and battling my own demons. It was no longer What does the world need from my music? but How can my music help me, and what do I need from it? So the songs were often medicine for me in moments of really, really scary, hard things.

“Mercy” was written at a moment of my own crying out to God. … The lyrics were really a journal entry. At the time, it was, “I’m crying mercy on my knees. Help me. I don’t have anything left.” 

And the song that I’m about to be releasing, “Bad Thoughts,” is also something that I love so much because it walks me and the listener through a meditation the whole time. There’s cues during the song [saying], “Breathe in, breathe out.” I’ve never really heard that in a pop song before. I’m really proud of it because it’s combining things that saved me: meditation and breathwork and music. I’m really proud of that and excited to help listeners get cues to breathe and remind them to be present with themselves while listening to a pop song. 

WM: How did you get into meditation and learn about the importance of mental health? 

RP: Therapy has been a lifesaver for me. I’ve now been in pretty intense therapy for the past five, six years, and it’s been incredible. It’s been life-changing for me. You would think that I would’ve known about that tool because I come from two therapists. My mom is a family therapist, and my dad is a clinical psychologist who then went to industrial-organizational psych. I was raised on stories of Freud at bedtime, and that language is very used in my house. … But even with that basis, I still didn’t know to use that tool. 

I think I went into more of the esoteric LA scene of trying all these other things, like a lot of eastern methods of Reiki and acupuncture. They’re all great, but when I was really struggling and suffering and had a diagnosable mental health breakdown and problem, which was postpartum depression and anxiety, I needed the tool of therapy and then medication to actually build the foundation of the building so that I could use those other tools. 

WM: Even with therapist parents, did you have any misconceptions or stigmas around therapy or medication before you actually tried them yourself?

RP: Oh my God, I was so hung up on I don’t want to take an SSRI. At one point in my 20s, I tried selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, and it helped me. That was around the time that I decided to be a musician at 21, 22, and the terror that came along with having no idea what to do or how to start. And I’m now 42, so that was 20 years ago. 

When the walls kind of broke down again around the birth of my first child, I was very resistant to that and actually found my way out of the darkness that time through herbs [from my acupuncturist and through other methods, like therapy].  

But with my second baby, things got even darker and my hormones were really dysregulated and it was just too much in my body. … I was very resistant and very scared of the stigma of: What does it look like to be on an antidepressant? I don’t want to. I want to be able to think my way out of this or pray my way out of this or write music to get out of this. 

What my therapist and my family ultimately helped me understand was, look, if you have a broken arm, you don’t hesitate to put a cast on. … There are science-backed ways to ameliorate [what’s happening in your brain] so that you can then do the work. I don’t believe in taking the antidepressant and then just living your life and not addressing the problems. I believe in doing it so then you can address and actually start to do the real work. 

WM: What does your mental health routine typically look like today and when you’re having a tough time?

RP: One of the amazing things about having my own little breakdown was that I have learned so many tools that are in my pocket. … I have a lot of tools that involve journaling and writing. I call it “rage on the page” or “journal speak.” As one of my teachers taught me, you just write everything. Write the things you don’t want to tell anyone. Write out the worst thing you’re thinking. Then, rip it up. Sometimes it’s the buried stuff that lodges in our body that can come out as chronic pain, which it did for me, or confusing emotions that you don’t know where they’re coming from. I get it out. 

I also use Internal Family Systems techniques. It’s incredible work that has also been life-changing for me, and I will access the capital Self or God or whatever you call it. For me, it’s God and also Self, and they’re interchangeable. But I’ll find a way to access that voice and then, as Mama Rachel, be able to hold all the little Rachels that are having the big humongous feelings. … A lot of my journey has been mothering myself, reparenting myself, and allowing myself to be both the beholder and the held.

WM: I imagine people have lots of advice or opinions when you’re dealing with postpartum struggles. Did anyone say anything to you during that time that was actually helpful for you? 

RP: I don’t know if it applies to every mom’s suffering, but it really helped me as a musician who had a dream of what I wanted to do, which was to put out this next body of work. It got really confusing as I was in that postpartum fog and haze and depression and fear of: Will I ever be anything more than just a mom ever again? Will I ever be anything more than just a cow that someone is sucking on? You really feel like you’re losing yourself. It can be really scary. So what did help me so much was the reminder that it was temporary and that it was hormonal and that it was normal and that [so many] women suffer from postpartum and that there was nothing wrong with me. 

And someone told me that this is not an obstacle. What you’re going through is the way to the freedom and the truth and the light and the creativity that you’re looking for. I don’t know if that resonates with people as much as it resonated with me, but in that moment, it gave me this seed of hope that I’m not being taken off course by this darkness. This isn’t something that’s interrupting this beautiful plan that God has for my life. I [haven’t] taken a wrong turn somewhere. It really helped me understand, Well, could this be the path? When we pray for strength, it’s not like we’re just given strength. We’re put through a gigantic test. We have to find our strength. When we ask for patience, we don’t just get to be these patient people. We’re probably tested by a lot of annoying things to find and develop patience, like a 2-year-old tugging on you or throwing tantrums.

That was what led me to this newfound joy and strength and womanhood and motherhood and being the boss and leading an organization and having the confidence and faith in my own relationship with God. I don’t need other people to intercede for me and be the voice. To be able to know my own answers is so incredible now. I couldn’t have developed that if not for this battle that I went through where I was wrestling with my demons. 

For other women struggling with severe depression, if they were unfortunate like I was, please know that there is hope, that this is temporary, that other women have experienced it. 

WM: What message would you like to leave with readers?

RP: If you’re suffering, please know that there is help. I know there’s stigma around getting help, but my God, if I could whisper it in your ear and give you a hug and just let you know that help will be so transformational if you are vulnerable enough to take your mask off and admit that something’s wrong and you can’t do it yourself. 

You’re not alone. So many of us have struggled over the past couple of years with everything that happened and is happening in the world, and there’s nothing wrong with you for not being able to handle it. I don’t think our human bodies are meant to handle this much stress or this much awareness on social media of what else is going on in the world. Please allow yourself to be loved on and get the help that you need. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not weird, and I love you, and I’m rooting for you. 

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Rachel Platten’s Next Anthem Is Here to Heal You appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 04.12.24

Why Nicola Coughlan Cried While Filming ‘Bridgerton’ and ‘Big Mood’

“It's so demanding to shoot something like that.” ByShannon Barbour

You already know Nicola Coughlan as the anxious and studious Clarie Devlin from Derry Girls. You’ve definitely come to love her as the not-so-innocent Penelope Featherington, who finally gets the main character treatment in Bridgerton Season 3. And come April 19, you’ll be fully invested in her newest character Maggie, a confident and messy playwright who deals with the highs and lows of bipolar disorder in Tubi’s Big Mood series. 

“I am so proud of this show and how unflinching it is in its approach to mental illness,” she tells Wondermind. “And I hope that it will give people a new understanding of bipolar disorder. It certainly gave me a new understanding.” 

Ahead of the Big Mood release and Bridgerton’s return on May 16, Coughlan talks about the challenge of filming both shows at the same time, what helps her when she’s feeling low, and embracing her anger. 

WM: How are you doing lately?

Nicola Coughlan: I feel good. Thankfully I have been mega-busy promoting this show here and in the UK and in Ireland. I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how much of a priority it has to be for me to make sure that mentally, physically, I’m doing well. Because if you don’t feel well in your mind, I think nothing else can go well for you. So I make sure to check in as much as I can.

WM: How did you prepare for the role of Maggie and decide how you’d like to portray her in Big Mood?

NC: It was a very daunting task. Even though it’s a comedy drama with lots of very funny bits and very dark bits, I was very cognizant of the fact that we never wanted to—and the writing was never like this—make people feel like they’re the butt of the joke. Maggie’s very funny and she’s very sharp, but none of the jokes are at the expense of her mental illness.

It was certainly challenging, but we had the most wonderful director, Rebecca Asher, who really guided me through it. We filmed the whole show in seven weeks, and we would jump from Episode 1, in which Maggie is manic, to Episode 3 when she’s very depressed. It’s hard to jump from one scene in one episode to another and another in general, but it was especially hard on this show, so it was making sure to chart the journey. 

And also, I wanted to make sure that I played it without vanity. If it was a scene in which Maggie hadn’t showered in a few days and she was wearing crappy clothes, I didn’t want to wear any makeup. I let them put stuff in my hair to make it look greasy, and I wore the ill-fitting stuff and all of that. I felt like I would’ve been doing a disservice to the character in the script had I tried to look good or do it in that way. 

WM: When you have new projects like Big Mood or Bridgerton, how do you tend to feel leading up to the release? 

NC: It’s a funny one because I think we make stuff that you want to share with the world … you have such ownership of it and such love for it, and then you get really scared. It feels like your baby. 

And both Big Mood and Bridgeton feel like that for me because I don’t think I’ve ever worked as hard as I did on both these shows, and I shot ’em at the same time for three weeks. They’re always linked in my brain, which seems silly because they’re so chalk and cheese, but they really do feel so connected to me. 

But yeah, it’s scary when you’ve given your everything and there’s literally nothing more that you could have done. It’s scary to think if people criticize that. You’re like, Oh gosh, but I really did everything that I had. And if that’s not good enough… But I think you kind of have to just let go of it. And it’s also a beautiful thing handing it over to viewers or fans to go like, “It’s yours now. It’s your baby, and you have it. I hope that you take something from it and it leaves an impression on you or makes you laugh, makes you cry,” all of that stuff.

WM: That’s wild that you filmed both of them at the same time. What was it like switching between the two? 

NC: It was hardcore. I would cry just from sheer exhaustion. When I was crying I was like, there’s nothing wrong with me per se, but I had no personality…

WM: What’s going on in your mind when you think about how your career has progressed and all the hype and attention you’ve received the past few years? 

NC: I mean, it’s such a strange thing. Look, some people do get into the industry for fame and whatever, but I think that would be quite empty. I feel like fame or being in the public eye, however you want to call it, it’s a strange side effect of your job. I can’t imagine that being a driving force or something that I’d really want to aim for. I think I’ve kind of accepted it, but if someone said, “Tomorrow, all the fame will go away, but you still do your job,” I would say, “That’s fine because it’s not what’s important to me.” 

I think deep down, at the root of it, something like Bridgerton blowing up in the way it did, the hundreds of millions of viewers that we’ve had around the world, it’s so mind-blowing. My tiny mind can’t ever fully comprehend that. But I think what’s always important to me is the work and a good script and good people. Those are the most important things to me. At the end of the day, I know why I am doing it. I know what I’m there for, and that’s I think what keeps me grounded.

WM: What does self-care look like for you when you’re filming versus when you’re not? 

NC: When I started filming Bridgerton, it was an eight-month stint, and I took it really seriously. I was like how an athlete prepares. I was going to the gym, doing my sessions. I was doing therapy on Sunday. I would take a real rest day and go get a massage and do all that stuff. I was like, This is what I need to invest my money and my time in, because it’s so demanding to shoot something like that. And I was like, if I’m not in the best state I can be, it will drain me out. It’s draining anyhow. 

And then going into Big Mood on the end of that and doing a very mentally challenging role—I think Maggie’s the most complex character I’ve ever played. That was difficult. But we were very lucky. We had a therapist on set if anyone needed because there’s issues in the show that are certainly triggering to people, and we’re really aware of that. So yeah, we had someone on set if we needed to speak to someone. They were always there. But you’ve got to take care of yourself. 

WM: Maggie goes through periods of depression with her bipolar disorder, and you’ve been open about experiencing low periods in your personal life. What helps boost your mood when you’re feeling down?

NC: I really hate to say it because I don’t want to ever do it, but exercise helps me a lot. It’s annoying. It frustrates me. I have the most wonderful personal trainer, and every time that I go there, I always have to psych myself into going to the gym. But every time I do it, I leave and I feel so much better. I feel mentally lighter, and it is so vital for me. That does really help. Annoying. I wish it was something else!

WM: Are there any stigmas or misconceptions around mental health that tend to bug you the most?

NC: One thing that I found brilliant about this script is Maggie is someone who has bipolar disorder, and she is a fully rounded human being. She’s not a cipher for mental illness; this is just a part of who she is. Even in the moments where the show gets really dark and she’s dealing with horrific things, she still has her sense of humor. In the scene with her psychiatrist (played by the brilliant Sally Phillips), she is incredibly depressed, but she’s still making jokes. I think that’s vital to see. 

There’s a lot of depictions of mental illness on screen that are so heightened, and they feel very other, and [mental conditions are] not other. People, if they know it or not, will know someone with bipolar disorder. I mean, it’s really sad, but the majority of adults at some point in their life will have experienced depression or anxiety. But I think this show very much normalizes it. 

It’s funny because it wasn’t Camilla Whitehill’s aim when she wrote the show to open up a conversation about mental illness. But I think it does that, and it does it brilliantly because it’s not preaching, it’s not what she was trying to do. But a lot of people that have watched it have gone, “I didn’t know this about mania,” “I didn’t know this about antipsychotic drugs.” 

WM: You mentioned that you’ve gone to therapy before. What’s one of the best lessons you’ve learned by talking to a professional?

NC: I think I’m an innate people-pleaser, and I don’t say that as I’m some sort of Mother Teresa or whatever. I am far from a perfect person. But we were talking one day about anger, and she said to me, “Do you get angry?” And I was like, “Not really. It’s very hard for me to get angry about something.” She said, “Well, you think that anger is a normal human emotion?” I was like, “Of course.” And she was like, “So you would have it in you?” I was like, “I guess.” So she’s like, “Well, where does it go? Where does the anger go?” It blew my mind. I was like, “Oh my goodness. Yeah, of course it must manifest in some other way.” That was a thing that really stuck with me.

WM: Have you found outlets for your anger since then?

NC: I struggle. I’ve tried to. I think, in life, we’re all always a work in progress. With anger, I am trying to teach myself to acknowledge that it’s just a human emotion—not a bad emotion. 

I’m not a very good fighter. I struggle. Especially with friends, it kills me when I’m disagreeing with a friend. It really breaks my soul. But I’m trying. I have to say to myself, “Fighting is not bad. It’s OK. You can do it.” I think I’m always in the mode of the peacekeeper and trying to not ruffle feathers. I’m still teaching myself that you can argue, you can get annoyed, and that’s not the end of something or the ruination of something. It is just what it is. You can move on from it. 

WM: If you could share any mental health advice or words of encouragement with our readers, what would you say?

NC: Don’t ever feel ashamed of how you feel. I think it’s so important to talk [about your feelings]. And I understand that it isn’t like you’re going to speak about it and it’s immediately going to solve the problem, but it is the first step. And a problem shared is a problem halved. All of those sayings, they can sound tired, but they mean something. Everyone has gone through struggles. Everyone has. I certainly felt like, in my darkest moments, I felt like it would never pass. But everything passes. I think you have to remind yourself of that, and what feels like an impossible situation will not always be impossible. There’s help out there, and there’s always people that love you. Just try and tell yourself that and just know it’s not forever.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Why Nicola Coughlan Cried While Filming ‘Bridgerton’ and ‘Big Mood’ appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 03.15.24

Regina King Shares How She’s Feeling Two Years After Her Son’s Death

The actor talks about losing her son to suicide. ByShannon Barbour

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Regina King has made a name for herself as an award-winning actor, director, and advocate. She’s also been incredibly candid about mental health, particularly when it comes to grieving her son, Ian Alexander Jr., who died by suicide in January 2022. 

“Grief is a journey.” 

In an interview with Good Morning America anchor Robin Roberts earlier this week, King shared what grief looks like for her today. Speaking about her loss for the first time on TV, she said, “Grief is a journey.” King continued, “I understand that grief is love that has no place to go. I know that it’s important to me to honor Ian in the totality of who he is, speak about him in the present because he is always with me.”

King also explained that she felt “so angry with God” in the wake of her son’s death and walked Roberts through her thought process: “Why would that weight be given to Ian? Of all of the things that we had gone through, with the therapy, psychiatrists, and programs. And Ian was like, ‘I’m tired of talking, Mom.'”

It’s clear King did everything she could to help her son, but that doesn’t necessarily stop guilty feelings from cropping up. “When a parent loses a child, you still wonder, What could I have done so that wouldn’t have happened?” She added, “I know that I share this grief with everyone, but no one else is Ian’s mom. Only me. And so, it’s mine, and the sadness will never go away. It will always be with me.”

Breaking down mental health myths.

In hopes of destigmatizing and demystifying suicidal ideation and the conditions that can contribute to it, King explained, “When it comes to depression, people expect it to look a certain way, and they expect it to look heavy,” the Shirley actor said, tearing up. But depression doesn’t always look like that, and it can be hard for others to comprehend what Alexander Jr. might’ve been going through, she explains. 

In case you missed it, clinical depression (also called major depression or major depressive disorder) can come with a ton of symptoms. But, for the most part, people diagnosed with depression feel sad, guilty, worthless, apathetic, tired, and can have trouble sleeping, eating, focusing, or doing the things they normally enjoy, according to The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). It’s also not uncommon for people who are depressed to mask their symptoms, clinical psychologist Margaret Robinson Rutherford, PhD, previously told Wondermind. And while some people with depression will also have thoughts of suicide, or suicidal ideation, that’s not always the case.

Suicidal ideation can happen to anyone, not just people with mental health conditions. Stuff like family drama, physical health, or financial stress can make someone feel hopeless or like there’s no solution to their problems. So they might turn to suicidal thoughts, suicidologist and professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago Jonathan B. Singer, PhD, LCSW previously told Wondermind. 

As painful as the loss is, King still feels for her son and adds, “I respect and understand that he didn’t want to be here anymore. That’s a hard thing for other people to receive because they did not live our experience, did not live Ian’s journey.”

If you’re struggling with depression symptoms or suicidal thoughts, it’s super important to talk to a mental health professional who can help you unlock the treatment combo that would work best for your situation. 

How can I support someone who is grieving a death by suicide? 

When someone loses a loved one to suicide, it can be hard to know exactly what to say. You might want to ask what happened, how it happened, or if anyone noticed any signs, but experts say that line of questioning isn’t helpful. People tend to ask those things because they’re searching for simple explanations or something to blame. But suicide is more complicated than that, clinical psychologist and suicide prevention expert Nina Gutin, PhD, told Wondermind. Guessing games or casual investigations can be hurtful for people who just want someone to lean on. 

Despite those no-go questions, you can still be there for a suicide loss survivor. If you don’t know what to say, you could try, “I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish I knew how to make you feel better.” Because suicidal thoughts can be something the survivors deal with themselves, it’s also a good idea to ask them how they’re coping with everything, Kathryn Gordon, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook, previously said to Wondermind. You may not get this right all the time, but being there and pointing them toward crisis resources like 988 can go a long way. 

Finally, don’t be afraid to take a trip down memory lane to honor the person who passed. Sometimes talking about or listening to past stories can help them grieve and heal, Dr. Gutin said. 

How can I help someone who is experiencing suicidal ideation? 

When supporting someone with suicidal thoughts, it’s possible they might be feeling hopeless or like they just want their struggles to be over with. And this is where your support could come in clutch.

Try checking in regularly and asking open-ended questions to assess if they’re in danger and to learn about the obstacles they’re facing, Dr. Gordon told Wondermind. If they feel like they can share their thoughts without judgment, that can ease some of the storminess in their mind. It lets them know they’re not alone. 

You could also suggest low-energy hangouts to help curb any loneliness, hopelessness, and isolation, licensed therapist Mary Houston, LCSW, told Wondermind. Free ideas: Pick them up for a drive around your city while listening to music, watch a comfort show, or even sit in silence in the backyard. 

To be ready for worst-case scenarios, read up on suicide warning signs, safety plans, and what to do if someone acts on those thoughts, Houston said. Organizations like the Suicide Prevention Resource Center or the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention are a great place to start. 

The post Regina King Shares How She’s Feeling Two Years After Her Son’s Death appeared first on Wondermind.