Pro Tips Link Copied 03.05.25

10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted

Check, check, and check! BySam Brodsky

It’s usually obvious when your body is just…done. Out of order. Ready for sweet, sweet slumber. But feeling mentally exhausted is a little more complicated to pinpoint—because how can you really  tell when your brain needs a reboot?   

Technically speaking, mental exhaustion is not a clinical term, so there’s no real diagnostic criteria that helps us define it, says licensed psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD. But you can think of it as your brain being out of battery, she says. “It’s like using your phone, using all the apps, all day long. Your battery is going to drain much, much quicker than if you weren’t on your phone all day.” 

Maybe you’ve been doing something mentally taxing or stressful for a while—like focusing on work, multitasking, problem-solving, navigating your or others’ emotions, or making a ton of decisions—without a break, Dr. Rubenstein explains. Or you might feel drained from the emotional and logistical toll of having a physical or mental illness, she adds. 

If you’re thinking that mental exhaustion sounds a lot like burnout, you’re not wrong! They’re similar; they just aren’t necessarily exactly the same. Dr. Rubenstein considers mental exhaustion a part of  burnout or a factor that can lead to  feeling burned out. Burnout is “the natural conclusion to when mental exhaustion is stretched out over a long period of time,” agrees therapist Nathan Luecking, LICSW. Cool, so we want to avoid that, but how can we really know when we’re mentally exhausted? 

Ahead, experts break down telltale signs you’re mentally spent. You may not experience all of these, but you might find a few of them to be especially relatable and consistent in your own life. Let’s get into it—plus, what to do about this type of fatigue if you relate. 

1. You have trouble concentrating.

It’s harder for you to concentrate when you’re mentally drained because your brain’s prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of things like planning and paying attention, is overloaded, explains Dr. Rubenstein. You might find yourself rereading emails over and over, for instance. You see the words! They’re there! You just can’t focus on them, she says. 

It’s especially difficult to focus when you’re mentally exhausted from stress, notes Luecking. You can’t concentrate on anything else because you’re thinking about how to deal or you’re zeroing in on the high-alert physical feelings (rapid heart rate, GI issues, headache, etc.), he explains. Or, if everything is stressing you out, you might suck at paying attention during conversations or work since you’re getting pulled in different directions, Luecking says. 

2. You make mistakes.

You might eff up more when you’re mentally spent—and research even backs that up. In general, that has to do with not being able to focus, say Luecking and Dr. Rubenstein. You might misspell words, put a spoon away in the junk drawer, or use the wrong toothbrush—literally anything! Your brain is tired, Dr. Rubenstein says. That’s it!

3. You have decision fatigue.

When mental exhaustion sets in, your brain can struggle to weigh different options, says Dr. Rubenstein. “You might feel paralyzed when faced with simple choices, like, What do I cook for dinner?  or, How do I respond to this email?  If that’s not something that is usually an issue for you, and it becomes one, then that’s mental exhaustion.” You might notice this after a long day, Dr. Rubenstein notes. And it’s not that you’re in analysis paralysis because you’re scared to make up your mind; you simply don’t have the mental energy to decide. 

4. You’re irritable AF.

As we’ve established, you might have trouble focusing on your to-do list or a yap sesh. But your boss messaging you another assignment or someone texting you about their bad day can also be a tipping point when you feel like you can’t take on anything else. Enter: frustration and irritation, says Luecking. You might get pissed over things that don’t normally bother you (like someone being a little too slow while paying for their takeout ahead of you), notes Dr. Rubenstein. Basically, you are Grumpy Cat.

5. The overwhelm is real.

Just like you may be easily ticked off when you’re mentally checked out, it might be hard to handle your emotions in other ways when your brain’s fatigued. For example, you can feel overwhelmed by things that are usually manageable, like packing your kids’ bags for school, says Dr. Rubenstein. Anything feels like a chore when you’re drained because you don’t have the mental energy to get it done—even something small. “When your emotional load is already heavy, even the slightest addition can feel overwhelming,” Luecking explains. 

6. You procrastinate.

Some people push through and log more hours on their computer when they’re mentally exhausted (risking the chance they’ll make mistakes or burn out). Others tend to put off tasks because just thinking about doing them is stressful, says Luecking. You’re less motivated, so you cope by avoiding stuff that feels daunting, agrees Dr. Rubenstein. Sound familiar? 

7. You don’t even really want to do things you like to do.

Think about it: When you’re out of steam, you may not have the energy to participate in the book club that you, an avid reader, started. You can’t imagine recapping the latest reality TV drama with friends. Sometimes it’s about not being up for it, but it can also just be a feeling of apathy, where you don’t seem to care, notes Luecking. And, yes, that’s frustrating as hell. 

8. You isolate from other people.

It’s pretty obvious by now that a mentally exhausted person is stretched thinner than thin. You can’t really handle one more decision or favor, so you might want to peace out and hide from the world, says Luecking. If you’ve spent a full day bed rotting with your phone on silent, watching your favorite comfort show, you probably know the feeling.

Sure, you most likely care about your inner circle. However, “even if you were to go sit down with a friend, would you have the capacity to connect with them?” Luecking asks. It’s a good question, and the answer is probably not—because it’ll feel like such a heavy lift. 

Plus, being mentally exhausted makes you feel hopeless at times, like there’s no end in sight, which can make you further want to isolate, he notes.  

9. You’re super self-critical.

Being mentally exhausted doesn’t necessarily make you bully yourself. But when you’re messing up or having trouble concentrating because of your mental fatigue, that can stir up some self-criticism, says Luecking. You might be hard on yourself for not fully paying attention to someone’s story over dinner or spiral with you-should-have-known-better  thoughts when you forgot a due date. You might also judge yourself for feeling like you need support from others but not having the energy to reach out, Luecking says. (Psst…you need to be kinder! More on that later.) 

10. Your body is out of whack.

When it’s severe or chronic, mental exhaustion even leads to physical symptoms, says health psychologist Margaret Maher, PhD. (Let’s hear it for the mind-body connection!) You can have headaches and muscle tension, a hard time sleeping, GI issues, and high blood pressure, she says. Then, it’s sort of cyclical, where a lot of these physical symptoms cause more mental exhaustion, she explains. All of this can end up being physically exhausting too. “When we feel intense stress, our bodies have a biological reaction. Levels of chemicals like hormones and neurotransmitters change, our muscles tense, our heart rates fluctuate. These biological changes can add up, leading to feelings of physical fatigue over time,” she explains. 

OK, I’m mentally exhausted. What can I do about it?

Consider these warning signs a reason to slow down, take a break, and reflect on what’s stressing you out. Because, as we said, mental exhaustion that goes unchecked can lead to burnout. 

That might mean taking a mental health day or a vacation if you can, says Luecking. You can also rest and reset in a smaller capacity, such as catching up with a friend or moving your body in a way that feels good to you, he notes.

Sure, you may struggle to get moving or connect with your people if you don’t have the energy—and that’s OK. Maybe your idea of recharging is scrolling Instagram—just don’t clock too much screen time that it jacks up the stress, notes Dr. Rubenstein. In that same vein, try to avoid content, like the news or anything scary, that’ll turn into a doomscroll, says Luecking.

And, of course (as you might have expected), implementing breaks into your work schedule can help you feel less mental fatigue. One technique to try is the Pomodoro method, where you repeat 25-minute working intervals followed by short breaks to get some water or go to the bathroom (or do the above suggestions), says Dr. Rubenstein. Timers or body doubling with someone can keep you on track, she notes. 

If you’re feeling physical symptoms of stress due to mental exhaustion, Dr. Maher recommends doing things that relax you—stuff that’ll slow your heart rate down and ease muscle tension, for example. Think: deep breathing, meditation, and yoga. Perhaps incorporate those into your breaks too. 

If breaks aren’t feasible, switch to a task that doesn’t feel as heavy and still gives your brain a break, Dr. Rubenstein suggests. That might look like checking emails for a few minutes when you feel stuck writing a report. 

Next up is setting boundaries. Being mindful of how much you take on at work or in your personal life helps prevent mental exhaustion in the first place, but it’s also important when you’re already drained. Say no, delegate tasks, or move to-do list items to tomorrow when you’re exhausted so you don’t make things worse, notes Dr. Rubenstein. (You know…time management hacks.)

Talking about your exhaustion can help too. Yes, hiding from the world might seem like a better option, but venting can foster validation, Dr. Rubenstein says. This convo should be with someone who is nonjudgmental and has your best interest at heart, like a pal or a therapist, notes Luecking. 

This is also a good time to practice self-compassion and be less judgy with yourself, Luecking says. Instead of berating yourself for being forgetful because your brain is scrambled eggs, start by just acknowledging how mentally exhausted you are. Then, tell yourself that being under a ton of pressure and stress obviously can make a person (aka, you) eff up. 

Lastly, if you still feel like you’re struggling—especially after trying some of these expert-backed tips—seeing a mental health professional could provide the extra support you need, says Dr. Rubenstein. And, if you’re dealing with physical symptoms that you’re concerned about, you can seek help from a medical doctor or a health psychologist, Dr. Maher says.

The post 10 Signs You’re Mentally Exhausted appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 02.21.25

16 People Who’ve Been Cheated on Share How They Coped

Please clap for growth! BySam Brodsky

Not to state the obvious, but cheating is the worst. It’s a massive violation of trust in a relationship and it can feel like betrayal. When your person does something shady behind your back (such as cheating), it can make your life seem like a lie, says therapist Brianna Brunner, LCSW, owner of Couples Therapy Services. So, it makes sense that we don’t know how to stop overthinking being cheated on.

In the wake of infidelity, loneliness, anger, and confusion can flood your brain, making it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You might even start ruminating over who else could hurt you, Brunner notes. Oof.

You may start to doubt your worth after your partner cheats too, says therapist Jessica Fernandez, LMFT. That could look like questioning whether you made your partner cheat or wondering if you’re “enough,” she explains. (Sure, sometimes people cheat when they don’t get what they want out of a relationship, but that’s not necessarily on you.)

Regardless of how your relationship ends (or continues), dealing with the fallout of infidelity is a good opportunity to work on yourself. For example, a little self-awareness can help you decide what works best for your love life and what you won’t tolerate. Ask yourself what kind of partner you want to be and what you want out of a relationship, suggests Fernandez.

But there’s so much more that can help you stop overthinking after being cheated on and actually heal. Here, we asked people how they got over being cheated on. From utilizing their support systems to finding forgiveness, they explain what surviving infidelity can look like.

1. I tried to find the bigger meaning.

“I was broken, and I didn’t feel like myself for a long time. He had been cheating on me the whole relationship. After I found out, I had this overwhelming fear that I wasn’t good enough. What really helped me get over being cheated on was tapping into spirituality and believing in something greater than myself. In other words, I tried to reframe this as a lesson from the universe: I was meant to go through this pain because the universe wanted to teach me something. Over time, I found that my lesson was about learning to respect myself, draw boundaries, and never settle for anything less than I deserve. It took two years to finally find a sense of peace.” —Smriti R., 30

2. I finally prioritized myself.

“When I was cheated on about nine years ago, I was so angry and distraught—especially because I thought I was going to marry this man. It took a solid three years of being single before I was ready to put myself out there again and trust potential partners. Thankfully, I was able to heal during that period of singleness. Taking that time was huge for my emotional well-being and becoming ready to date. Spending time single helped me focus on finding my identity. I dove into friendships, hobbies, and career interests. I also regained my confidence. After losing myself in that relationship, I really needed time for self-discovery and to prioritize myself in a way that I couldn’t before.” —Anonymous, 28 

3. I connected with other people who could relate.

“Having friends share their own stories about cheating helped me realize I was not alone.” —Anonymous

4. I redefined what I deserved.

“After being cheated on, my friends reminded me of my strength and my family held me. But the small moments of solitude, where I let myself feel everything without guilt, helped too. Writing became my escape and music became my refuge. Slowly, I started to rebuild. With time, I realized that this betrayal said more about them than me. I deserved better, and I still do. And no matter how much it hurt, I refused to let this define my worth.” —Kristina, 22

5. I focused on myself.

“When I found out I’d been cheated on, I simultaneously broke down and shut down emotionally. It was something I’d been anticipating for a while. He was going off to college, and I had a feeling in my gut that, judging by the way he stopped making me feel secure in our relationship, it could happen. Two months into his first semester, we were broken up and he had moved on.

I unfollowed him on Instagram. I deleted him from my friend list on Facebook. I deleted his number from my phone. We were together for years, and when you’re 18 to 21, that’s your entire world. It’s all you know. 

Because I was so dependent on him for my happiness, I hadn’t thought too much about myself and my future. I was thinking about our  future. Redirecting my focus and attention to my career was a game changer. I applied to internships in the city, and I found one within months. 

I like to think fitness also saved me. I started running on the treadmill and lifting weights. Focusing on bettering myself, for myself, with the encouragement of those around me, got me through it. I came out on the other side better than ever. 

A year later, I was applying to my second internship, I was physically healthier, and I started dating my now-husband.” —Anonymous

6. I went to couples counseling.

“My boyfriend at the time was always ‘friends’ with my female best friend, and he emotionally cheated on me for the duration of our two-year relationship and then physically cheated on me in the end with her. It made me paranoid, distrusting, and unsure of myself for months.

When I started dating my current boyfriend, I was really skeptical. I assumed everyone was going to leave me eventually. A year into our relationship, I saw a text come across his phone from a female co-worker who happened to just text him out of the blue, and I relapsed emotionally, crying and placing blame on him. We had to go to couples therapy afterwards, where we realized I still hadn’t completely healed and let my guard down from my previous heartbreak. 

It took many honest conversations and therapy sessions to realize that my current boyfriend is worthy of total trust. I try to catch myself when I’m repeating old patterns or old defense mechanisms, and I’m constantly learning to let go and trust again.” —Emma C., 24

7. I started to set boundaries.

“When my former partners cheated, it made me feel betrayed and deepened my trust issues with everyone around me. I started to even blame myself and question my own judgment. What helped me move past the betrayal and remove the blame from myself was understanding that bad things happen. You cannot control everything around you; you can only control your relationship with yourself and make healthy decisions. I started to set boundaries for what I cannot accept in a partner and move forward with clear communication.” —Lauren E., 30

8. I soaked in even small moments of joy.

“​​I was cheated on multiple times in my relationship. I dated a narcissist with serial cheating habits. When I found out the extent of what was going on, I felt numb and lost my sense of self and self-worth. An action I took was to step back and remind myself what brings me joy and then do it (whether big or small) to start the healing journey.” —Anonymous 

9. I started seeing a therapist. 

“My past partner cheated a lot for our three-and-a-half-year relationship. Half the time I was aware this was an issue. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from his cheating and abuse. In my current relationship, I often have thoughts and reactions that my current partner isn’t responsible for. I have trust issues and reoccurring nightmares that he will cheat. I attend dialectical behavior therapy, and we attend couples counseling to better understand each other and help one another. Both have helped immensely!” —Nina, 23

10. I talked it out with my support system.

“Being cheated on made me question everything I believed to be certain and made me doubt myself and my awareness. The first time it happened, I didn’t tell anyone. I was too embarrassed and humiliated by the fact that someone had done that to me. Also, sharing it at the time meant that I had to end things—because what would people think of me if I was cheated on and forgave him? But I ended things a few weeks later.

The next time it happened, I told my closest friends and family. It was difficult for me, but as soon as I found out, I got on the phone and texted a list of my closest people to let them know: This happened, I’m feeling this way, and I’m letting you know that I’m going to be needing your support. In my mind, I see it as me building my literal spider web of support as a coping mechanism! 

I spent a few days at my parents’ house and had a lot of time to cry and share what I was feeling without judgment. Day by day, I felt supported and was able to get back on my feet. It helped me understand my feelings better and have some feedback.” —Francisca, 29

11. Therapy helped me realize it wasn’t my fault.

“Honestly, therapy helped a lot. I went into my college’s counseling center almost immediately for some understanding and flat-out help. The entire situation was very complex, and certain friends were involved, so I couldn’t turn to other friends for help. I think I was more mad about the fact that I, for the majority of the relationship, was the one constantly getting accused of cheating (when I wasn’t), and all of those times were basically projections from him. I didn’t move into my next relationship having trust issues, thankfully, but I did feel confused, closed off, and unsure of why this happened.

Therapy really helped me understand that it wasn’t my fault. I felt lonely afterwards and wanted closure so badly but realized I didn’t need it to move on. Once I realized I didn’t need validation from this person, nor did I need anything else from him, I moved toward healthier activities and friend groups. That made me feel like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.” —Sam M., 27

12. I learned that I’m still worthy. 

“Finding out that my partner cheated made me feel worthless and like I wasn’t enough for anybody. I got on mental health medication and got help seeing that I was totally more than enough. I struggle with self-harm, and he said he couldn’t be with someone that ‘has those types of mental issues.’ That is what made me get help but also showed me that the right person will love me no matter what.” —Alyssa Q., 26

13. I tried new things by myself.

“It was soul-crushing, and therapy and rebuilding myself were necessary. I needed to learn who I was without him. I was in a relationship with this person for 10 years, so I didn’t have my own adult identity outside of that relationship. I moved to a new city while in that relationship, so I had to go explore. I had to figure out how I liked to spend my time and who I was. I think when you are young and in a relationship, you sometimes lose your sense of self and adopt a lot of your partner’s affinities. You have to make new friends and learn to spend time with yourself and like it! At first it was lonely, but then it is almost as if you date yourself. Go to restaurants by yourself, travel, watch movies! I did all of that.” —Melissa, 45

14. I shifted my perspective on a shitty situation.

“When my partner cheated on me, I was blindsided because I thought everything had been going well. I felt angry, ashamed, and mistrustful. My therapist helped me put the situation in perspective by giving me a journal to jot down my feelings in an uncensored way and get them out of my head. He said writing about the details of the infidelity twice (once when it’s raw and again a bit later when there’s distance) can help release anger, but focusing on them for longer than that won’t change the situation and can be upsetting. 

It’s so easy to become depressed, stressed, and worried about your love life when someone who meant so much to you hurts you so deeply, especially when you thought you were going to have a family and a future with that person. It can be difficult to see beyond the pain, though having a solid support network helped me focus on healing. It helped me see that the future is bright despite it being different than I had imagined.” —Ashley O., 30

15. I stopped blaming myself.

“The worst part of being cheated on truly is the violation of trust (both trust in myself and my choices and the trust I had for my partner). I felt like my world was flipped upside down. I couldn’t help but partially blame myself for choosing someone who would do this to me. 

Over time, with the help of my wonderful, wonderful counselor, I went through every inch of the relationship. It really helped me put the relationship away and release some of the feelings I was holding inside. Once I got the sadness, hurt, anger, and confusion out, there was less blame to come to terms with.

Then I sat down and made a list of everything I wanted in a future partner, and I realized that the boyfriend who cheated on me barely hit any of the things I was looking for. I had a new sense of ‘this is what I deserve.’” —Maggie S., 24

16. I figured out forgiveness.

“I think being with this person for 12 years of my life was the biggest reason that the cheating cut so deep. The first few days and weeks after finding out, it was hard to get through a day without sobbing. It just came in waves. Sadness felt like a thick, heavy puffer jacket I was wearing day in and day out. I also felt very angry. I was angry that he could ruin everything we built. I was angry at myself for ignoring the red flags in our relationship. 

But here are the things that helped me pull through: 1) Reiterating to myself that the cheating has nothing to do with me or my worth as a person. It’s a reflection of the cheater’s sense of self, their insecurities, and their need for validation and attention. 2) Reminding myself that I am not a victim and that I will make an even better future for myself. 3) Learning that forgiveness takes time and you should never pressure or rush yourself into forgiving someone, but forgiving that person lets you off the hook. It allows your brain and nervous system to break free from them and move on. It’s not something that needs to be said out loud or needs to be an action or conversation. It’s something that you can do in silence in your own head and heart.” —Taylor C., 29

These quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 16 People Who’ve Been Cheated on Share How They Coped appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 01.30.25

Let’s Talk About Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

You’re fully aware sleep is good for you. And yet! BySam Brodsky

You know the feeling. It’s been a long day, and you’re exhausted. But instead of sleeping, you scroll. You organize your Pinterest boards. You shop online for light bulbs. You hit up your Netflix list. You’ve fully entered the revenge bedtime procrastination zone.

You’re sure that you’ll regret staying up, but some part of you says, Fuck it, and you keep going. Next thing you know, you’ve watched two episodes since you first thought, Wait, I should go to bed. I’m exhausted. You need sleep, you want sleep, and yet you’re scrolling through stupid cat videos until 1 a.m. 

It makes no logical sense why we’re like this, but here we are! If you can relate, we asked sleep experts and psychologists to explain why revenge bedtime procrastination happens and how to quit sabotaging your sleep.

What is revenge bedtime procrastination?

Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t a legit sleep disorder, but it’s a very relatable phenomenon that went viral in 2020 after journalist Daphne K. Lee translated it from a Chinese expression describing the same concept, according to the BBC.

“It’s a way of pushing back against a busy schedule or lack of control over your time,” sleep psychologist Shelby Harris, PsyD, DBSM, explains.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, revenge bedtime procrastination happens when you don’t make time for rest, relaxation, or fun during the day (hence the “revenge”), says behavioral sleep medicine specialist and licensed psychologist Sarah Silverman, PsyD. Then, without a chance to recoup all day, craving downtime outweighs getting to bed when you’re sleepy. 

Psychologically speaking, it’s much easier to prioritize what feels good in the moment (TV) than what might happen the next day (being tired), explains Brad Wolgast, PhD, CBSM, DBSM, a licensed psychologist who’s board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine. 

Revenge bedtime procrastination can also strike when you’re trying to avoid thinking about what horrors may persist tomorrow, notes Dr. Silverman. Sabotaging your slumber to do something fun can “slow down time and avoid the inevitable,” she explains. 

How can I tell if I have revenge bedtime procrastination?

The biggest indicator that you’re a revenge bedtime procrastinator is that you recognize you’re very tired, but you’re still engaging in extracurricular activities, says Dr. Silverman. If this keeps happening on days when you’ve been swamped at work or doing things for other people, that’s another red flag. 

To be clear though, revenge bedtime procrastination is different from being a night owl. If you’re a person who normally feels more alert and productive later in the day, staying up late to scroll is just a normal Tuesday. You can thank your circadian rhythm (aka your internal body clock) for that, Dr. Silverman explains.

Revenge bedtime procrastination isn’t the same as insomnia either. Insomnia is a sleep disorder that makes it hard to fall asleep or stay asleep at least three nights per week for three months or longer, per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). That’s very different than keeping yourself awake to soak in “me time” a la revenge bedtime procrastination, explains Dr. Silverman. 

How can I quit revenge bedtime procrastination?

The key to overcoming this nonsensical habit is to get out of your own damn way. It sounds easier said than done, but with a little motivation and a few hacks, you can totally conquer this struggle.

Your brain is craving some OOO time for a reason, so the answer isn’t to deny yourself TV, social media, video games, or whatever you want to do. Instead, find ways to integrate more fun downtime into your day. That can make the need less urgent at night, notes Dr. Harris.

Read in between meetings, call your friend before your next errand, or watch a show while you eat dinner. In a perfect world, you could also replace non-pressing things on your to-do list with personal time, notes Dr. Silverman. “When you create space for self-care during your day, you’re less likely to create space for revenge procrastination before bed.”

If you have to save your Netflix, Instagram, or FaceTime sessions for the evening hours, that’s OK (and understandable). In that case, using an alarm can help you remember your bedtime schedule, says Dr. Silverman. She recommends setting one for 30 minutes or an hour before you want to be asleep. That’s your cue to start winding down. If you’re prone to hitting snooze, set backup alarms for 15-minute intervals to really annoy yourself into prioritizing sleep.  

Having a bedtime routine or ritual that feels like a treat can also help, says Dr. Silverman. You know, something you’ll actually want to stop scrolling for. Maybe you change into the world’s most comfy PJs, drink tea, put on a podcast while you brush your teeth, or diffuse essential oils.

Of course, some of us can push off even the most relaxing bedtime routine for more TV time. That’s why planning something to look forward to in the morning, like a workout class or coffee run with a friend, can help, Dr. Silverman says. That can make you more excited to get to bed. 

Gamifying your bedtime routine can work too. If you get to bed on time five days in a row, reward yourself with something nice, suggests Dr. Silverman. “It’s not just about repeating a routine. It’s about making your routine feel rewarding so that sleep becomes something your mind and body crave rather than resist,” she adds.   

If none of this seems to topple the revenge goblin living in your head, you likely need to find your personal brand of motivation for prioritizing sleep, says Dr. Wolgast. Overcoming bedtime procrastination doesn’t happen just because you know it’s bad for you. It happens when you find the motivation to overcome it and maintain that motivation because you know it’s the best thing for you, he explains. 

Maybe waking up to go for a walk in the morning is easier when you go to bed at 9 p.m. Or perhaps feeling more alert during the workday helps you accomplish tasks faster, which means you have a better chance of doing something fun before dinner. Then, when Netflix starts another episode, you remember your why, turn off the TV, and go brush your teeth with less mental pushback. 

When all else fails, you can always see a sleep specialist if you feel like revenge bedtime procrastination is taking over your (night) life and impacting how you function on the day-to-day, notes Dr. Silverman. These experts can better assess what’s causing your revenge bedtime procrastination and pinpoint other sleep issues.

The post Let’s Talk About Revenge Bedtime Procrastination appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 01.21.25

The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025

Control freaks, this one’s for you! BySam Brodsky

Your friends hung out without you. Your dad judges your job. The traffic? Freaking horrible. These are shitty situations that make you frustrated, angry, or stressed out. (Probably all the above, if you’re being honest.) But, according to author and podcast host Mel Robbins, the Let Them Theory can help you rise above it all. 

The idea is that what’s done is done: Your pals didn’t think to (or want to) invite you, you can’t magically change your dad’s mind, and you cannot bibbidi-bobbidi-boo bumper-to-bumper delays. But you can talk to your friends about your FOMO (or prioritize other connections), focus on all the things you love about your career, and use your travel delays to call someone back (safely, on speakerphone). 

Sounds simple enough, though there’s a bit more to it. And that’s the subject of Robbins’ newest self-help book, The Let Them Theory, which she co-wrote with her daughter Sawyer Robbins. If the advice to spend less time worrying about what other people do or think sounds a little familiar, that’s because it is, says Robbins. The concept of giving up control has roots in Buddhism, Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, and radical acceptance, she notes. 

Here, Robbins explains how this concept works and why it can benefit your career, your relationships, and your inner rage monster at busy checkout lines. Let us get into it. 

WM: What is the Let Them Theory, and how does it work?

Mel Robbins: The Let Them Theory is a simple mindset tool that has two parts. The first part is telling yourself to, Let them, during any moment in life where you feel annoyed, frustrated, stressed out, or worried about a situation or another person. As soon as you say those two words, you are releasing control of what another person thinks, says, does, believes, and feels. 

Any psychologist will tell you that whenever you try to control something that you can’t, it just creates more stress and frustration and anxiety for you. For the first 54 years of my life, I didn’t know this. I mean, I’m a very smart person, but I had no idea that my attempt to control other people and little things that were happening all around me—long lines or traffic or somebody being rude—drained my energy.

Once you say, Let them, you recognize you can’t control what another person thinks, says, or does. Therefore, it is not worth your time and energy to try. Then you say, Let me, reminding yourself of the things that are in your control: what you think about another person or situation, what you do or don’t do in response to another person or situation, and what you do in response to your emotions. 

Every time you say, Let them, it’s the ultimate boundary between you and the rest of the world. It is an act of self-love and self-protection. You recognize that your time and energy is worth protecting. Then you say, Let me, and you pull your time and energy back and you get to choose what you do with it. 

If you’re standing in a long line, they’ve got one cash register open, and there are five people in front of you, you might feel very angry. And that anger means you just gave power to that situation. But, you have so much more power when you say, Let them run the store however they want. Let them take some time. And then you come to the let me part: Let me remind myself I can leave. Let me remind myself I can listen to something [while I wait]. Let me remind myself I could call my grandmother right now. Let me remind myself I could stand here, close my eyes, and meditate for a minute. You have control over that.

WM: What about dealing with a boss who’s in a bad mood?

MR: Let them be in a bad mood, and remind yourself that you’re not your boss’s mom and their mood is not your responsibility. Ask yourself if this is something that’s happening this week or if it’s who this person is. Because if they’re like this all the time, no job is worth coming in and dealing with this. And instead of going home and griping to everybody, it is within your power to find a different place to work. But if you cower to their mood, you give all your power to your boss. 

And I think the bigger thing for your readers is learning how to use this around other people’s opinions. 

WM: Can the Let Them Theory help you care less about other people’s opinions? 

MR: You will always care what other people think. It’s a sign that you’re mentally well, you want to belong, and you want people to like you. That’s a good thing. The issue is when you give more weight to what other people think than you give to what you think about yourself.

Here’s the sad truth. You can’t control what somebody else is ever going to think or do. People might unfollow you, they might roll their eyes, they might smile to your face and then gossip behind your back. And so instead of trying to gaslight yourself and say, Well, I don’t really care what people think, just say to yourself, Let them think something negative. I mean, that’s what you’re afraid of. 

The average person has thousands of thoughts a day, many of which they can barely control. And learning to say, Let them be disappointed, let them unfollow me, let them think something negative, has been liberating because I’m creating space for somebody to think whatever they want. And I’m also acknowledging that I can’t control it anyway. The only thing that I can control is what I think of myself. 

What I found is that the more I just let myself show up in a way that was consistent with what I value and what my goals are, the prouder I was of myself and the less I even thought about what other people were thinking. And here’s why: I actually know the truth of who I am. I know what I value. I know what my intentions are. And so even if I do something out in the world that hurts somebody’s feelings or they misunderstand something, I just let them and then I let me clean it up because that’s not what I intended. But I don’t allow someone else’s opinion or someone else’s disappointment to actually impact how I feel about myself.

WM: How can the Let Them Theory help with decision-making—especially when you’re worried about what other people will think? 

MR: The reason why we don’t make decisions we know in our hearts are right is because we’re afraid of how other people will feel or react. But, most of the time, somebody is going to be disappointed or upset by the decision you make. Your roommate is going to be upset that you want to move in with your partner. Your parents are going to be upset that you want to move across the country or change your major. Your boss is going to be upset if you say you can’t work this weekend. 

I personally believe you know what the right decision is for you. You’re just scared to make it because you don’t want to deal with other people’s emotions. 

This theory will teach you two things can be true at once. Your boss can be disappointed that you can’t take a weekend shift, and you can still be a great employee they deeply respect. Your parents can be upset that you’re moving across the country, and you can still move across the country. Your roommate can be really bummed and give you the cold shoulder and sulk around for a month, and your friendship’s going to be OK. Let them sulk, let them be disappointed, let them be upset. Let adults have their normal emotions. 

WM: But what if you’re a people pleaser who hates disappointing others?

MR: This is something you were [probably] trained to do during your childhood. Well, now it’s time to fucking grow up and learn to let people be disappointed. Because when you say, Let them be disappointed, you’re breaking that pattern. You are separating yourself from another adult’s emotions. You’re recognizing it is not your job to parent other people. Other adults are capable of handling their emotions—if you let them.

Your mother will get over it. Your friend will get over it. Your boss will get over it. So when you say, Let them, you are breaking this pattern of people pleasing. You’re drawing a boundary and you’re separating yourself from this other person. 

Then you say, Let me remind myself I have one job as an adult: to make decisions that make me proud of myself. I’m exhausted from work, and I don’t want to go to a party with 12 people where we’re shouting over the music and I don’t even see my friend. Let me decline the invitation, and let me reach out to my friend and say, “How about I take you out to all the vintage stores we love and out for lunch, my treat, next Saturday?”

WM: OK, but what if the person you disappoint doesn’t get over it? 

MR: Let them! You get to choose whether or not you’re going to give this person time. You get to choose whether or not their emotions are your job. You get to choose whether or not you’re going to prioritize this friendship. And so that’s why you always have power. 

WM: What’s a common mistake you’ve seen people make when trying to implement the Let Them Theory? 

MR: The single biggest mistake people make is they only do step one.

If you don’t say, Let me, it’s very common to feel a little lonely: Let my friends not invite me to brunch. Let my family not return my phone calls or ever make an effort. And then you’re going to sit there in your judgment, and that is the biggest danger of this. You have to do the let me part. And a lot of people don’t like this part because this is where you look in the mirror, where you stop blaming other people, and you truly have to take responsibility for what you do about it. This is where compassion comes into play.

Let’s say you start to notice you’re the one who makes the effort and people don’t return your calls, they’re not great about texting, or they don’t initiate the plans. Well, you’re going to say, Let them, because getting upset and judging isn’t going to help you, and it makes you stressed. Let them be who they are. They’re revealing who they are and what they care about.

Now you come to the let me part, and you’ve got a lot of things in your control. For example: Let me really look in the mirror and ask myself: What do I value? If you value friendship and family and a social life, then it’s your responsibility to create it. And you get to choose whether or not you continue to pour time into the friendships [that aren’t reciprocal] or if you’re going to take that time and go make new friends as an adult.

You also get to choose, by the way, to look at things with a level of maturity and grace and say, I’m actually friends with a lot of introverted people or a lot of people who don’t have the energy right now to reach out. Maybe my role in our friendship is to be the person connecting. Maybe my role is the glue that keeps our family together. 

WM: What’s your advice for people trying to implement this theory into their lives?

MR: Anytime somebody’s annoying you or stressing you out, just say, Let them. You’re going to feel instant freedom and power. Then say, Let me, and remind yourself, I have control here. What do I want to do in response?

If you’re in a very triggering situation or something that is ongoing—like you just broke up and you’re trying to move through heartbreak—you’re going to have to say, Let them walk out the door, let them sleep with other people, let them move on, let them not love me, over and over and over again, because the hurt doesn’t just go away. You need this to respond to emotions that keep rising up. 

WM: And any advice for people who are scared to give up control and just “let them” do their thing?  

MR: I’m going to let you hold onto control. Here’s why: I can’t change you. If it’s working for you, keep doing it. But if you’re sick and tired of being anxious and stressed out and frustrated and exhausted, this theory will change your life.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025 appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 12.17.24

17 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Lonely

No plus-one necessary. BySam Brodsky

If you’re here, you’re probably thinking, Ugh, I feel lonely, or even, Is there a book about how to not feel lonely anymore? Because I freaking need it! And we hear you—loneliness is no joke.

While loneliness can strike for a number of reasons—moving, feeling disconnected from your people (we’re busy!), or struggling to bond with those around you—the solutions are often the same. Developing emotional intimacy, finding shared values, and connecting over common interests with others are the foundation for feeling seen and appreciated, says therapist Daria Stepanian, LMFT. 

But how do you do that? Well, we spoke with mental health pros who see this all the time. Here, they explain how you can feel less lonely, feel more motivated to make friends, and feel secure on your own in the meantime. Let’s do this!

1. Practice vulnerability. 

At its core, experiencing I-feel-lonely vibes usually indicates you’re not connecting with people, says psychotherapist Gianna LaLota, LMHC. The best way to fix that is to open up. Sure, it can feel scary, but building emotional intimacy (aka connection) means getting a little vulnerable so others can get to know you on a deeper level.

You don’t have to tell a random person your deepest, darkest secrets, LaLota says. But if you notice that your convos with someone you’ve been texting for a week—or a partner you’ve been with for years—are pretty surface-level, you can test the waters. Talk about a weird hobby, a hard childhood moment, or a work problem you’re navigating. When the other person shows empathy and acceptance, it’ll encourage you to open up even more, LaLota says. If they don’t, maybe they’re not your  person.

2. Find untapped friendships in your network. 

Feeling less lonely doesn’t necessarily mean going out and making a bunch of new friends from scratch. While you could do that, you can also start with the people you kind of know, clinical psychologist and friendship researcher Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, previously told Wondermind.

Ask yourself what areas of your life you’d like to share with others and who might be a good fit, Dr. Kirmayer said. Maybe you want someone to hike with and you have an acquaintance from the gym you’ve low-key wished you knew better. Use that as a jumping-off point! You can say something like, “I’ve been meaning to check out some trails in the area. Do you like working out outdoors too?”   

Or, maybe you’re in need of friends you can just laugh with and your coworker really gets your sense of humor. Be upfront about your intentions, Dr. Kirmayer noted. You could say, “I really love how much fun we have together—would you want to grab dinner sometime after work?”

3. Find your chosen family.

When you struggle with your family of origin, seeing other people spend time with theirs can make you feel extra isolated. But broadening who you view as family can help you notice all the people who deeply care about you like family—aka your chosen  family. Maybe you aren’t as alone as you thought! “Chosen family is this unique opportunity to intentionally decide who our community will be,” licensed therapist Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, previously told Wondermind. When you feel like you’re lacking close family ties, making an effort to lean into your closest relationships can help, Brown said.

4. Try group therapy.

Sometimes our mental health struggles can make us feel like we’re the only ones experiencing anxiety, depression, or grief. But, obviously, that’s not the case. If you feel isolated by a condition or personal challenge, attending group therapy can help you navigate those struggles and  meet people dealing with the same thing. It’s a one-two punch for lonely folks, notes LaLota.

You don’t have to be friends with these people, but you can  find a greater sense of community just by hearing their stories—some of which may be about loneliness specifically. LaLota recommends asking your own therapist (if you have one) about group sessions or looking into group therapy in your area via directories like Psychology Today.

5. Relish your alone time.

When you are feeling lonely, it’s easy to focus on what you’re lacking—like a core group of friends to chill with or a deep connection with another person. And while that’s understandable, it’s also true that you very much deserve joy and happiness and are totally free to seek that out. Finding activities that bring you joy can shift your feelings away from loneliness, which can help you feel a bit better, says therapist Jin Kim, LMFT. So consider the things that you really want to do with your free time, like get lost in a TV show or a good book, listen to your fave album all the way through, go sit in the park for hours—whatever has you laughing or smiling (or both).

If you want to be even more intentional with maximizing your alone time, you can create a ritual or tradition just for you, Dr. Kirmayer previously suggested. It can be anything you’ll look forward to—like taking yourself out to eat every Friday night or establishing a morning routine that grounds you and prepares you for the day.

6. Do that thing you want to do…even without a plus-one. 

People often get hung up on needing to go places with others, but if you do enjoyable things on your own, you may be able to find a potential friend along the way, says therapist Erica Turner, LMFT. “The more that you’re like, ‘I’m gonna go to this museum,’ or ‘I’m gonna go to this cookout,’ you’ll find people there who like to do some of the same things.” 

If you don’t find like-minded people, at the very least, you’ll come out of it with some quality “me time.” And that’s also helpful since it lets you focus less on loneliness and more on solitude, “a feeling of being alone and independent while enjoying your own company,” says licensed clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, PhD. “If you can shift your mindset toward doing something good for yourself, the time alone can feel like a gift instead of a curse.” 

7. Join groups that share your interests.

Joining a club (or just a group of people with similar interests that isn’t called a club but should be) is a great way to form real-life connections with people you don’t already know, says licensed clinical psychologist Sophia Choukas-Bradley, PhD, associate professor of psychology at the University of Pittsburgh. For example, Dr. Choukas-Bradley said she joined a feminist book club when she moved to a new city, which sounds pretty neat! Is there a running group you could join? What about a crew that meets every month to show off their cool cars? Hey, it probably exists!

8. Spend some time out and about. 

Going out in public might make you feel less alone, even if you aren’t connecting with people while you’re there, says grief and trauma therapist Katherine Hatch, LCSW. You can work at a coffee shop, go window shopping, or do whatever makes you feel comfortable, but the point is just being among humanity, she says. People are hardwired to be social creatures, so it’s necessary for us to feel like we’re part of a larger group, adds Kim. 

If you’re up for it, it may also be helpful to make eye contact with people you see in a store or restaurant or wherever, says Hatch. Doing that or simply greeting strangers can create a tiny connection. These are what licensed psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD, calls “micro-interactions.” They “build the foundation for more social interactions that last longer or have more depth over time,” she previously explained. If you’re unsure how to not  feel lonely, this seems like a low-stakes starting point. 

9. Remember how cool you are.

If your loneliness comes with a side of low self-esteem, that checks out. “A lot of times when we’re lonely, we’re pretty hard on ourselves,” says psychiatrist and psychotherapist Melissa Shepard, MD. “Loneliness tends to be more painful because we blame ourselves for being lonely.” 

It might sound silly or uncomfortable, but create a mental (or physical) list of what you like about yourself and why you’re kind of a big deal, suggests Stepanian. You could also try some self-love affirmations. This may give you a little boost of self-confidence and help you avoid a self-deprecating spiral. Then, remind yourself that there are other people out there struggling with the same thing, which can help too, says Dr. Shepard.

10. Take care of yourself.

Actively showing up for you  is another very helpful way to feel less lonely, says therapist Lawrence Jackson, PhD, LMFT. You’re proving that you can count on yourself! Ask yourself what would feel good and bring you comfort. Is it doing that tiny thing on your to-do list you’ve been dreading or ordering delicious takeout or finally putting your laundry away? It may sound simple, but sometimes it’s difficult to dig deep and be honest about what you really need. 

11. Investigate your lonely feels.

Writing about what you’re experiencing in your body and your mind when you’re lonely is a good way to find a sense of calm and to release what’s bothering you, Stepanian told Wondermind in a previous interview. You can drop them on actual paper, in your Notes app, or in a doc on your computer—whatever is easiest for you to get your feels down works. If you could use some thought starters, take a peek at these journal prompts for loneliness. 

12. Draw your loneliness.

What does being lonely feel like and/or look like? Reflecting on this separates your emotion from yourself, taking its power away. That can make the sense of isolation more manageable and less overwhelming, says Hatch. “We can externalize it to the extent that we actually get to be curious and compassionate about it. We get to take care of it.” 

Doodling what loneliness means to you may help you understand it better. If you’re not sure where to start, think about what color your loneliness is, what its shape is, where it is located in your body, and if it could be a character or a sensation, says Hatch.

13. Scroll through your phone.

When you’re in the pits of loneliness, it’s easy to tell yourself that you don’t have anyone to reach out to or that no one cares, says therapist Alo Johnston, LMFT (he says he gets that way too). However, swiping through your phone contacts, texts, or DMs can remind you that there are people in your life you could talk to, he says. You don’t have to reach out, but it’s a step toward realizing that you’re not alone.

14. But maybe stay away from social media. 

While many people report that social media helps them feel less lonely by enabling them to meet new people, it can also snowball your loneliness in a lot of situations. After all, scrolling through a highlight reel of people doing fun things with others can send your FOMO through the roof. So, if you’re craving connection ASAP and feeling left out, try opting for a prolonged conversation in real life, on the phone, or via Zoom. This is a more effective way to squash loneliness than quick, often passive or surface-level convos on the socials, Dr. Choukas-Bradley says. 

15. Decide how you want to socialize.

If you do want to reach out, stop to ask yourself what level of connection you’re looking for. Are you up for a real convo? Great! Go for it. But you may just be in the mood for a speedy check-in text or a battle of who can share the best memes before bed, Johnston says. “There isn’t this one universal way that we feel connected, but I think in times when we feel extra lonely, we wanna look at what’s the easiest access point to feel connection,” adds psychotherapist Sahar Martinez, PsyD, LMFT. 

If you want to text, call, or FaceTime someone you haven’t chatted with recently, don’t let yourself believe that they’ll be annoyed by you, says Johnston. We might all have those people in our lives we’ve been meaning to catch up with, so remind yourself how you’d feel if you heard from them, he says. You’d probably be open to talking to them, and they could very well feel the same.

16. Reality test your negative assumptions.

Oftentimes people who are lonely want to connect with others but fear rejection, says psychotherapist and author Chris Warren-Dickins, LPC. Maybe you’re tempted to chat up that person you always see at your coffee shop or pilates class, but you worry they’ll think you’re weird for talking to them out of nowhere. Challenge the validity of that fear when it comes up by thinking about times where you actually had good conversations with people you didn’t really know, he says. Also, think about times that friendly, well-intentioned strangers struck up a conversation with you. Did you assume they were weird or did you appreciate the chance to connect? Chances are you’ll be able to find a few welcoming people. 

17. Volunteer for a charity or cause you support. 

“Not only do you get the gratification of doing your part to make the world a better place, but you could find yourself serving wonderful people and meeting other volunteers with similar passions,” says Dr. Howes. Love animals? Search for shelters in your area that could use some help. Want to spend more time outdoors? Look for park cleanup events happening near you. In fact, one study suggested that widowed adults 51 and older who volunteered for two or more hours a week felt less lonely. Yeah, this is very specific, but you get the point.

FYI, if volunteering isn’t your jam, you can send a friend coffee money or give your cousin some clothes you’re ready to part with. Doing something (anything) nice for someone else fosters connection that’ll make you feel seen.

The post 17 Therapist-Approved Tips for When You’re Feeling Lonely appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 12.17.24

12 Ways to Calm Down Fast

None of which include being told to relax. BySam Brodsky

Calling all unchill people: If you’re reading this, you’re probably either currently freaking out or you’re anticipating your next freakout. Maybe your flight just got canceled, your boss called you in for an impromptu meeting, or you’re beyond overwhelmed with something/everything going on in your life. Whatever it is, you can’t deal with one more person telling you to “calm down” unless they’re literally going to lay out the steps for how to calm down! 

We got you. Here, we asked therapists for their go-to ways to calm down fast—no matter what’s contributing to your frenzied state. Don’t forget to bookmark this for the next time things get weird. 

1. Try a breathing exercise.

When you’re overwhelmed, your brain basically tells your body that you’re in danger, flipping on your fight-or-flight response, says licensed psychologist Carolyn Rubenstein, PhD. That makes your heart beat faster, your breath quicken, and your muscles tense up. But taking deep breaths activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your nervous system that controls the “rest-and-digest” response. That system tells your body, It’s OK, you can rest now. You are safe, Dr. Rubenstein explains. 

To get chill, place your hands on your stomach. Inhale for three to seven seconds, feeling the air inflate your belly like a balloon. Then, exhale for five to eight seconds, feeling your stomach deflate, Dr. Rubenstein says. If that technique isn’t for you, licensed clinical psychologist Nicole Hayes, PhD, suggests box breathing: inhaling for four, holding for four, exhaling for four, and holding for another four. 

2. Use your senses.

Focusing on the present moment (aka grounding) helps you get out of your head and away from your racing thoughts, says Dr. Rubenstein. One way to do that is to use your senses—sight, touch, taste, hearing, smell—to connect with what’s around you. That interrupts your overwhelm, she explains. 

Therapist Maureen Gaffney, LCSW, likes the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you pinpoint five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. But if you don’t want to engage all  of your senses, pick one. For example, try to find all of the red things near you, Dr. Rubenstein says. Or, focus on the sound of calming music or the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, she notes.

3. Loosen up.

Sure, this won’t magically finish your to-do list or get your boss off your back. That said, shaking off any overwhelm-induced physical tension can help you mentally calm down too, explains Dr. Hayes.

Progressive muscle relaxation is a good do-anywhere move, Dr. Hayes says. Starting from your head and working your way through the rest of your body, tense the muscles in your face, neck, shoulders, etc. for a few seconds before releasing them. You’ll notice that they feel a lot less bunched up than when you started. 

If that’s not your thing, go on a slow walk or stretch, Dr. Hayes suggests. Bonus points if you get out of the space where you first felt overwhelmed so you can better focus on the feel-good vibes, she notes.

4. Express yourself.

When you keep everything inside, your emotions can pile up and lead to overwhelm—even if your life is relatively chill right now. But when you write your feelings out, it lightens the load, says Gaffney.  

Sometimes it’s hard to hit pause and express yourself when your heart is racing, your muscles are tense, and you’re feeling underwater, notes Gaffney. If that’s the case, try some of the techniques above to calm down. 

Once you’re physically a little calmer, just free-write whatever comes to mind, Gaffney suggests. Or, if you like prompts, try: What would your life look like if you weren’t overwhelmed, and how does that compare with how your life looks now? This enables you to create a path out of overwhelm, she says. 

If you’re not into journaling, you can talk out your emotions with others or find a creative way to express them, says Gaffney.  

5. Butterfly tap it out.

Another self-soothing exercise that can help counter your fight-or-flight response by triggering the parasympathetic nervous system is a technique called the butterfly hug, explains Dr. Rubenstein.

Cross your arms and place each hand underneath your collarbone or right at your shoulders. Slowly alternate tapping one hand against your chest and then the other. Repeat this until you notice your body and mind transitioning from stressed to relaxed, Dr. Rubenstein says. 

6. Revise your to-do list.

When everything seems urgent, it’s easy to freeze up or try to just barrel through as much as you can without stopping. Both are super unhelpful, TBH. Instead, try triaging your tasks to stress less. 

To sort through the chaos and encourage time management, write down everything you want or have to do, Gaffney says. Seriously, dump it all on a page. Then, arrange your list in order of importance. What needs to get done today because of a deadline or some other big consequence? What has to happen but could wait until tomorrow or later on? Once you’re done with the must-dos, think about what doesn’t need  to happen. What is actually not a priority right now? What’s something you can delegate to someone else or say no to?

7. Take a shower.

Showering is another simple way to practice grounding. You can concentrate on the smells of your soaps and the feeling of the water instead of what’s in your head, says Dr. Hayes. Also, it forces you to disconnect from things that might be stressing you out, like work emails or social media, she says. 

If the idea of taking a break to shower causes more stress, use that time to think through whatever’s going on, says Dr. Hayes. That way, you have your mini vacation from the overwhelm, but you’re regaining a small sense of control too. 

8. Split up big tasks into smaller actions.

Breaking up things that feel extra intimidating helps you see that you don’t have to do it all at once, says Gaffney. Say you have a paper due next week. Start with an outline today. Then, spend a couple of hours over the next few days writing it. Or, instead of penning all 100 of your wedding thank you cards in one go, tackle them over the span of four weekends, doing 25 each time.

9. Find a tiny win.

Gaining some momentum may also help us overcome overwhelm. Doing one small chore, even if it’s unrelated to what’s overwhelming you, can prove that you’re totally capable of more, says Gaffney. It gets the ball rolling before you move on to that looming concern. 

For example, making your bed, folding a pile of laundry, or just doing something  gets you unstuck and moving, Gaffney explains. And when you’re in a better mindset, you can accomplish a harder task.

10. Invite someone over.

We don’t know if you’ve heard, but having a friend, roommate, or partner present while you do an overwhelming thing can help you stay motivated. This is called body doubling, says Dr. Hayes. When someone is there to witness your work and hold you accountable as you do your taxes or clean the garage, you’re more likely to get it done, she notes.

11. Pinpoint what you can and can’t control. 

Oftentimes, we’re overwhelmed by hypotheticals or things we literally can’t control, says Gaffney. Thank you, anxiety! You may not even know you’re spending energy on problems you can’t solve until you see them written down, she notes.

To check yourself, make a list of what feels overwhelming to you right now, Gaffney suggests. Perhaps you’re all up in your head about your sick dog. You’re worried about the vet bill, poop on the floor, and the illness getting worse. Then, decide which of these are in your control and which aren’t. 

That process of elimination can help you sort through the stuff that’s not worth worrying about and what is. So, you can clean up after your dog, cuddle them, and look into pet insurance if necessary, but you can’t  predict how their sickness will pan out by scrolling Dr. Google. 

12. Upgrade your internal dialogue.

You might feel better about handling an overload of emotion or to-dos when you change critical self-talk to commentary with self-compassion, says Dr. Rubenstein. She suggests validating statements like, This is hard, or, I’m here for myself, instead of, What’s wrong with me?! Anything you’d say to a friend is fair game. 

And if it feels weird to say something nice like this, you can write it down, Dr. Rubenstein says. Whatever you do, just try to shift from mean inner dialogue to a kinder one.

The post 12 Ways to Calm Down Fast appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 12.06.24

27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout

Sometimes adding to cart is the best way to show up for someone. BySam Brodsky

We all know someone who is really going through it. And, if you’ve been there, you’re very aware that hearing, “Just relax and take care of yourself!” is wildly unhelpful. A less annoying and more useful approach: sending over a thoughtful present that might actually help them incorporate TLC into their chaotic life. Enter: self-care gifts.

Self-care can be a lot of things: drinking enough water, getting outside, calling your people when you need them. But it doesn’t always have to be so basic. ICYMI, self-care is any activity that provides “a protective buffer against stress,” therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, previously told Wondermind. Those little habits enable you to handle setbacks and overwhelm more easily. In this moment of chaos, we could all use that superpower. 

Whether you’re shopping for a stressed friend or your frazzled self (’tis the season!), we found some of the best self-care gifts for decompressing, easing anxiety, and creating moments of calm.

The post 27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout appeared first on Wondermind.