Pro Tips Link Copied 12.11.24

12 Things to Keep in Mind When Everything Is Awful

We asked therapists to share their best tips for coping through chaos. ByCasey Gueren

If lately you’ve been feeling like the human equivalent of the “this is fine” meme, you’re not alone. Even the therapists we work with at Wondermind have noticed this common theme coming up in conversations: How do you keep going when the world around you feels like a dumpster fire? Since it doesn’t seem like we’ll be returning to “precedented times” anytime soon, how can we cope with the chaos? 

In case you don’t have your own therapist to pose this question to, we asked 12 mental health professionals to weigh in with any wise words or coping skills that might help. Here’s what they had to say.

1. Prune your panic list. 

“When you’re feeling overwhelmed it can be helpful to ask if you will still care about this issue in two days, two months, or two years. This can help you realize which problems aren’t really problems at all and prioritize the rest. If it’s still something you’ll care about in two years then start there and deprioritize everything else.” —Alo Johnston, LMFT, author of Am I Trans Enough?

2. Give yourself a good shake. 

“When chaos surrounds you, take a moment to pause, find a space, and shake it out. Start by shaking your hands, arms, legs, or even your entire body—just like you’re shaking off water. After about a minute, stop and tune in to how your body feels. This simple yet powerful technique helps release pent-up nervous energy while activating your body’s natural relaxation response.” —Juan Romero-Gaddi, MD, board-certified psychiatrist 

3. Acknowledge what’s out of your control. 

“Just like we couldn’t control the pandemic, we can’t control the news and world around us. And if we focus on that, we can feel helpless, angry, and even worse. Instead, find things you can control—your reactions, how you show up for your community, your work—and spend your energy and emotions there. Getting things done and feeling effective, even for the smallest things, can help you find hope—and I have seen this outlook work over and over again in my patients and me! I highly recommend you try it!” —Jessi Gold, MD MS, Chief Wellness Officer of the University of Tennessee System and bestselling author of How Do You Feel?

4. Give radical acceptance a go. 

“There are actionable steps you can take to manage the mental load that comes with uncertainty. Practicing radical acceptance is one sure way to cope with stress. It’s giving yourself permission to feel all your emotions without judgment while honoring your circumstances, especially when you can’t change them. Another practice would be to focus on healthy distractions, such as watching a TV show, reading a novel, co-regulating with friends, or engaging in movement to boost your mood. These practices can be used at any moment when you need a pick-me-up.” —Minaa B. LMSW, author of Owning Our Struggles and founder of I’m So Mature

5. Make small moves.

 “When everything feels overwhelming, remember: You don’t have to solve everything at once. Focus on just the next smallest step—whether that’s taking a deep breath, getting up for a glass of water, or reaching out to someone you trust. Even small actions can help break the cycle of stress and create space for clarity. Be gentle with yourself—you’re doing the best you can right now, and that’s more than enough.” —Sasha Hamdani, MD, psychiatrist, ADHD specialist, and author of Self-Care for People with ADHD

6. Focus just on your immediate surroundings. 

“I tell my clients that when we’re feeling overwhelmed: It helps to make our world small whenever possible. Shutting down social media, turning off the news, and focusing on small, manageable tasks like doing the dishes, finishing a puzzle, or reading good fiction has a way of reminding us of the small, manageable tasks of life. The things we can actually control right now, when so many of the world’s problems feel out of our control.

Mr. Rogers once said: ‘When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me: Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ It makes sense to feel overwhelmed and stressed, but there are many people out there who are willing to help. Look to friends, family, therapists, religious leaders, public servants, or community organizers who are dedicated to helping others and finding solutions. By asking around a bit you’ll probably find you’re not alone and at least have others struggling alongside you.” —Ryan Howes, PhD, author of Mental Health Journal for Men

7. Lean on your community, your routines, and hope. 

“The first thing I would tell someone is: You’re not alone, and we will get through this together. Community is one of the most powerful forces we have to navigate stress, mental illness, and hopelessness, and it is beautiful to be vulnerable with each other and lean into supporting one another. With the amazing kids and families I work with (many of whom are racially minoritized and LGBTQ+) we have been discussing: What is your community? Or, if you feel as though you’re alone, how do you find a community that uplifts you, resonates with you, and protects you? Who are your supports as we once again navigate these uncertain times?”

A few things I’ve been doing personally are limiting my time on social media (especially checking the news), going to yoga, meditating every morning, listening to my favorite K-pop songs as I go for long hour walks to process and reflect, going to weekly therapy, and taking my antidepressant every day. Time and again, I keep reminding myself to come back to hope and the magic I’ve seen in my friends, family, and the kids I work with being themselves. And how each time each of us is a bit more our authentic selves, we change the world.” —Chase T.M. Anderson, MD, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry, Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, University of California, San Francisco

8. Go back to the basics. 

“When the world feels like it’s on fire, I encourage my clients (and myself) to focus on a few things. First, stress and chaos greatly impact our nervous systems. During these times, I encourage clients to find ways to physically and mentally ground with mindfulness and sensory exercises. I also protect time for movement, sleep, and nourishing foods. Second, chaos can make us feel out of control and helpless. This is when I ask clients to focus on tangible actions you can control in your life such as taking a walk, helping a neighbor, volunteering, reading a book, or snuggling with a pet. All of these actions benefit mental health. Finally, humans are designed for connection. During times of major stress, human connection can be a balm to remind us we are not alone, and though change can be slow, engaging with community can create a huge impact on our lives and the world.” —Jenny Tzu-Mei Wang, PhD, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of Permission to Come Home

9. Remember what you’ve already been through. 

“Think back to times in your life when you have faced adversity (loss of job, financial hardship, illness, a bad breakup, death of a family member or friend, natural disaster, etc.) and remember how you got through it. I often ask my patients to make a list. Remember how depressed and scared you were at the time, remember how difficult it was for you. Then remember how good it felt later, how you survived it. Rely on your past experiences of triumph to draw strength in this experience. Maybe that’s your superpower. You’re much more buoyant than you think.” —John Tsilimparis, MFT, psychotherapist and author of Retrain Your Anxious Brain  

10. Be more intentional about connection and gratitude. 

“Find comfort in common humanity. No, this doesn’t mean accepting that we are all doomed! Instead, normalize that your feelings of overwhelm are valid and widely felt—and in a point of connection with others. Be selective (and intentional) about who you turn to for connection. Before calling a friend, think about the kind of support you’re in need of and whether they are the right person to turn to at that moment.

Also, practice gratitude—with and being the operative word. If we’re not careful with our language, gratitude can actually invalidate our feelings. You may think, I am so stressed, but I have a good job so I can’t complain, which sends the not-so subtle message that you shouldn’t feel a certain way. Instead, swap out the ‘but’ (I am so stressed, and I have a good job) to shift your focus while also validating the very real difficult feelings that show up.” —Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, clinical psychologist and friendship expert

11. Let yourself feel your feelings. 

“When facing existential dread, it could be helpful to first, take a deep breath, and remind yourself of your safe spaces (or however you might name them), both physically and/or emotionally. For example, this could be your community, or a room in your home that feels comfortable and serene. Next, name a few of the emotions you are feeling. Are you feeling hopeless, powerless, anxious, etc.? If you are unsure, try using a feelings wheel or free writing to explore. This could ease some of the mental tension you might be experiencing by helping to expand your window of tolerance, and invite some clarity into what you might possibly want to do about the overwhelm.” —Nina Polyné, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist

12. Finally, give yourself some grace—and some joy. 

“It’s OK to pause and just be. Overwhelm doesn’t mean you’re failing; it’s a signal that you might need to give yourself grace and rest. One thing I encourage my clients to do is focus on what anchors you. Maybe that’s connecting with a loved one, journaling, movement/exercise, sitting in silence with reflection, or even stepping outside to connect with nature. You don’t have to solve everything right now—taking small, intentional steps can help bring you back to being grounded.

I also love to share this thought: ‘It’s OK to hold space for your emotions and still seek moments of joy, however small they may seem.’ In times of chaos, those little joys and mindful moments are not trivial—they are acts of resilience. Greatness starts with the mind.” —Thomas A. Vance, PhD, psychologist and founder of ClearMinds

The post 12 Things to Keep in Mind When Everything Is Awful appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 12.10.24

That Sense of Impending Doom? Here’s How to Cope

The horrors may persist but so do your coping skills. ByCarolyn Todd

If you’re living on planet Earth right now, there’s a good chance you’re no stranger to feeling a sense of impending doom. A dear friend of existential dread, impending doom is a similarly dark and uncanny feeling. It can be hard to describe, but you know it when you feel it. It can feel like a slow-moving tidal wave. An eerie mist. An ominous cloud brewing overhead. Maybe this sinister sensation likes to visit you once in a while when you’re lying in bed at night. Or maybe it’s something you’ve been carrying around pretty much all day every day for a while now. 

If there’s one thing you can take comfort in when it comes to this unsettling experience, it’s the fact that you’re not alone. “There are a lot of people who are feeling an impending sense of doom,” says Los Angeles-based psychotherapist John Tsilimparis, MFT. “It’s affecting everybody these days.” 

So, what is this sense of impending doom, exactly? Why do we get it? (Besides, you know, *gestures broadly at everything*.) When should we seek support for it? And, most importantly, what can we do to stop impending doom from totally killing the vibe? 

What is impending doom, exactly? 

“It’s the overwhelming sense that something life-threatening or tragic is going to happen, but without any specific, concrete prediction,” says clinical psychologist, speaker, and consultant Jessica Stern, PhD. “People might say, ‘I’m not sure what I’m afraid of specifically, but I feel worried that something bad is going to happen.’”

It’s basically a mix of worry, fear, sadness, anxiousness, and darkness, Dr. Stern says. Like we mentioned, impending doom also has some overlap with existential dread, that terrible sense of despair and anxiety about the uncertainty of life and inevitability of death. Your doomy feels might come with grim thoughts or far-fetched beliefs about the future, Tsilimparis says. Or you might just notice a vague sense of foreboding. 

Usually this sense of impending doom crops up amid difficult events or changes going on in your life or the world that “feel scary and overwhelming and beyond your control,” Dr. Stern says. (Like, say, a wave of layoffs in your industry or extreme weather events.) But the level of threat you’re registering “feels much bigger and more abstract than what is specifically going on,” Dr. Stern explains. Like, the-whole-world-is-about-to-end big. However, it’s also totally possible to feel a sense of impending doom that doesn’t seem connected to anything specific going on, Dr. Stern says. 

What makes impending doom different from regular ol’ anxiety? How pervasive and intangible it is. Say you’re feeling super anxious about hitting a work deadline, or you have a fear of flying and you’re afraid your flight is going to crash. “That’s not impending doom, because it’s a very specific, very concrete fear that is directly related to something that [you] are actively experiencing,” Dr. Stern explains. Whereas with impending doom, it’s typically harder to pinpoint an exact fear or prediction, or it’s related to stuff outside your immediate experience. (However, impending doom can happen alongside anxiety and other mental health conditions. More on that to come.) 

What causes a sense of impending doom? 

Our brains have basically evolved to be hyper-aware of potential dangers and make negative predictions about the future, Tsilimparis explains. “We’ve stayed alive because we tend to prioritize fear and negativity.” And that’s pretty useful when facing tangible, specific threats we can do something about (like a tiger that might be hiding in the trees or a long, cold winter). 

But in today’s world—where we face so many unknowns and massive, even cataclysmic threats beyond our control—our brain’s tendency to dread the worst can incline us toward a sense of impending doom. “The brain expects that something bad is going to happen… but it can’t latch onto something specific,” Dr. Stern explains. “So it creates this general, abstract dark cloud that we get stuck in.”

That vague sense of doomsday being upon us can be triggered by many different external stressors: Collective traumas, current events, existential threats to humanity. “Election dejection, holiday blues, the state of the economy, wars overseas, you name it,” Tsilimparis says. While personal hardships can contribute, it’s usually forces that “feel much bigger than yourself and out of your control” that send you into catastrophizing mode, Dr. Stern says. Think climate change, racism, recessions, political upheavals, government collapses, global pandemics, artificial intelligence gone awry…you get the idea. 

Speaking of global pandemics—some of the impending doom we’re experiencing now is actually thanks to the imprints Covid left on our collective psyche. “The pandemic primed us for impending doom,” as Tsilimparis puts it. When we experience enduring threats or traumas (like Covid), we’re conditioned to keep expecting more calamities around the corner, Dr. Stern explains. We just know something terrible is about to happen again. Then a new stressor can “retrigger that lingering collective trauma,” Tsilimparis says.  

It’s important to know that the state of the world isn’t the only explanation for a sense of impending doom, though. Sometimes it’s connected to a mental health condition, Tsilimparis points out—like panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or depression. For instance, impending doom that strikes out of the blue can be a precursor to (or sometimes a symptom of) a panic attack, Dr. Stern says. Similarly, someone in a depressive episode might feel a sense of doom underlying pretty much everything, Tsilimparis says. 

How to deal with a sense of impending doom

Despite all the doom you’re feeling, there are things you can do to manage or lessen that feeling of imminent devastation. Here’s what the experts recommend. 

1. Reel in your news and social media habits. 

“Be careful with saturating yourself with too much news,” Tsilimparis says. Staying informed is important, yes. But exposing yourself to a constant flood of alarmist headlines and images is only going to ramp up your sense of dread. (It’s called doomscrolling for a reason.) A few ideas: Turn off news and social media notifications, unfollow accounts that send you spiraling, or set automatic time limits for app use. 

2. Focus on your immediate responsibilities. 

Instead of spinning out into the future, tend to the things that are present, important to you, and in your sphere of influence. “Take care of your kids, take care of your job, take care of your home, take care of your family,” Tsilimparis says. Redirecting your energy towards what you care about—and can exert some control over—enhances your sense of agency, he explains. 

3. Soothe and ground your body. 

Just like there are physical symptoms of anxiety that can be brought on when you encounter a perceived threat, a sense of impending doom can trigger a physiological stress response too, explains Tsilimparis.  

Grounding techniques and self-care strategies that involve your body can cue to your system that you’re safe and help deactivate that stress response, Tsilimparis says. He recommends things like yoga, stretching, diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and sensory grounding (observing what you can perceive through your five senses). 

4. Do more things that bring you joy. 

This one sounds “so obvious and simple,” Dr. Stern concedes. “But the reason it’s important is that in the state of impending doom, the mind is really primed for negative things to happen.” Like we talked about, you’re pretty sensitized to what’s scary or sad. “So providing your mind with opportunities to explore positive or even neutral experiences can be really helpful,” Dr. Stern says. Think cozying up with your favorite fantasy book, having a fun date night with your partner, or visiting a beautiful place in nature and looking for glimmers. 

This isn’t about toxic positivity-ing your way out of impending doom, BTW. “It’s not to negate it, but to add some dimension or balance to it,” Dr. Stern says. 

5. Write down what you’re feeling. 

Dr. Stern recommends doing some journaling the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by doom, even if you’re not typically a huge journaler. Putting pen to paper can make what you’re experiencing a little more workable. “Impending doom can feel so vague,” Dr. Stern says, “so being able to journal about it and whatever feelings you’re experiencing gives you an opportunity to name them.”

Dumping the gloomy contents of your mind onto paper can also help you start separating fact from fiction. “You want to watch the what-ifs and the projections when we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow,” Tsilimparis says. Seeing these things on paper can show you how unlikely they are, Dr. Stern says. “So it sort of breaks down the fears.” 

6. Add some structure to your days.

It might feel easier to let go of routines when you’re in a doom cloud, but Tsilimparis encourages the opposite. “It helps to maintain a certain degree of consistency,” he says. “Try sticking to routines and maintaining structure as much as possible.” Regularity in your daily life can be a stabilizing counterforce to the chaos of world events or doomsday scenarios in your head. Something as simple as keeping up with your morning gym routine or bedtime ritual can be grounding for your system. 

7. Practice mindfulness. 

“When we get caught in the impending doom, it can feel like we’re being dragged down into a pit,” Dr. Stern says. “We can lose a little bit of our perspective on what’s happening in the moment.” Mindfulness exercises and meditation (where you rest your attention on something in the present, like the feeling of your breath) are ways to bring yourself back up into the moment and reset your perspective, Dr. Stern says. Over time, a mindfulness practice can also teach you to relate to your doomy thoughts and feelings differently. 

8. Talk about it. 

Even though impending doom is such a common feeling lately, “it can be very isolating,” Dr. Stern says. It’s easy to feel like you’re a weirdo or you have to face it by yourself—but bottling your feelings up only makes them more overwhelming. So Dr. Stern recommends confiding in a trusted friend or family member who’s a good listener, empathetic, and balanced in their perspective. 

Sharing your experience can help normalize it. “You might find out you’re not alone with it,”  Tsilimparis says. Talking out your fears might help you see them a little more clearly too. “The more you talk about it, the more it starts to sound a little bit absurd to you,” Tsilimparis says.

9. Think about therapy. 

If what you’re feeling is making it hard to function in your daily life or enjoy things, tanking your mood, or making you feel disconnected in relationships, it’s important to seek mental health support, Dr. Stern says. Not only to help with the sense of impending doom, but you may also be dealing with something bigger like depression or an anxiety disorder. 

That said, feeling a sense of impending doom is a great excuse to start therapy even if it’s not at that level. “You don’t need to reach a certain threshold of distress in order to pursue therapy,” Dr. Stern says. Talking it out with a pro can help you process, cope with, and even start to shift that sense of impending doom. Because it may be a way-too-common experience these days, but it’s not one you have to go through alone.

The post That Sense of Impending Doom? Here’s How to Cope appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 08.21.24

Triggered? Here’s How to Deal

911, what’s your emergency? BySam Brodsky

In the year 2024, the internet has had its way with the term triggered. It’s well-traveled territory for mental health TikTok and has been memed to the point of losing all meaning. Alas!

But this term is one mental health pros and the psychological community at large (including the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-5-TR) have used to describe people, places, or situations that remind you of traumatic moments you’d rather forget and/or spark all kinds of mental health symptoms.

Whether you were already well-versed in all of that or not, here we asked therapists for more intel on what triggers are and what to do when they arrive.

What are triggers?

Generally speaking, a trigger is a “stimulus that elicits a reaction,” according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Like we said, these can be people, places, things, or situations that set off unhappy memories or emotional responses. 

Sometimes the call is coming from inside the house, meaning those triggers are internal thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations. For example, your heart pounding during a workout could bring you back to a time when you were scared for your life, says trauma psychologist Ayli Carrero Pinedo, PhD. 

Other times, things in your environment—a song, a smell, or the way someone looks—can be external triggers, reminding you of a traumatic event and/or causing an emotional reaction, like anxiety, panic, and depression, says clinical and forensic psychologist Dawn Hughes, PhD. Same goes for holidays or anniversaries, adds Dr. Carrero Pinedo.

Whether the trigger’s within you or around you, sometimes you can’t identify it in the moment, says Dr. Hughes. All you know is that you feel out of control.  

When we’re triggered, we feel intense and overwhelming emotions, memories, or physical feelings or we react impulsively, says clinical psychologist Abigail Percifield, PsyD. Though you might name-drop it casually with something like, “This botched salad order is triggering my trust issues,” that’s not quite right. “I see the term triggered being misused to describe when somebody is feeling bothered or uncomfortable,” Dr. Carrero Pinedo explains. But if you don’t feel overwhelmingly bad or out of control, it’s not the same as being triggered, she adds. 

That said, pretty much anyone can be triggered. You don’t need to experience trauma or have a mental health condition to be set off by something inside of or around you. Your neighbors loudly fighting can make you feel overwhelmingly anxious for no apparent reason. The weeks leading up to Father’s Day could make you feel depressed. A scene in a book could flood you with memories that make it hard to concentrate.

Still, if you have a mental health condition or survived something traumatic, you might be more likely to face triggers, says Dr. Percifield. For instance, someone dealing with a substance use disorder might feel triggered at a stressful family reunion and crave a drink, she says. Someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) might be triggered by an intrusive thought about germs in their apartment and feel the uncontrollable need to wash their hands, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. And people with post-traumatic stress disorder could feel triggered when something reminds them of a traumatic moment, says Dr. Hughes.

How to deal when you’re triggered.

No matter your situation, here’s what to do when those triggers infiltrate your life so you can feel better and move on faster. 

1. Acknowledge that your feelings aren’t facts.

When you’re triggered, you can feel like you’re in danger just sitting in your living room. Triggers are fun like that. So telling yourself that you’re being triggered but you’re still safe can disarm whatever’s freaking you out, says Dr. Hughes. 

You’re basically telling the panicked part of yourself that things are actually OK; you’re just going through a tough moment right now, and it will pass soon. That might even help those feelings resolve. You’re also gaining a sense of control when you feel very out of  control. 

2. Ground yourself. 

Once you’ve consciously established that the situation you’re in isn’t as dire as it feels, you can start to turn your attention to the present moment. “When you’re focusing on something else besides the trigger, you’re decreasing the initial overwhelming response that you had,” Dr. Carrero Pinedo explains. That reinforces the idea that you’re gonna be fine, even if you’re panicked (or whatever you’re feeling) right now.

To get more present amidst a freakout, turn to anything that feels soothing. You could quietly repeat, “I am safe,” to yourself; name the current day of the week or year; or put on some hand cream that smells good, suggests Dr. Hughes.  

There’s also the trusty 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Mindfulness exercises like this put the spotlight on your senses, which helps you shift out of your head, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

3. Move around. 

If you find that being triggered makes you feel physically frozen or stuck, doing the opposite can remind you that it’s safe, says Dr. Hughes. By rebelling against what your triggered brain wants, you might be able to shake off that response. You’re sending the message that you’re in control; your fears are not.

It could be as simple as wiggling your toes and fingers or walking to the bathroom, Dr. Hughes says. Do whatever feels easiest and build from there to snap out of it. 

4. Detach from your thoughts.

Sometimes when you’re triggered, you get stuck in your thoughts, says Dr. Percifield. You might catastrophize about all the things that could go wrong in the future or get caught up in a traumatic memory. 

When that happens, the first step is to ask yourself, “Are these thoughts telling me anything useful or important right now?” says Dr. Percifield. The answer is often no. That little step starts to create some distance between you and the mental chatter that’s upsetting you. That takes the power away from those ideas, making you feel less bothered by them.

Of course, that’s not the only way to get some space from the stuff bubbling up in your head. Here are some other strategies that can help you detach from your unhelpful thoughts, according Dr. Percifield:

• Imagine your thoughts passing by as leaves on a stream, words on a news screen, drifting clouds, or floats in a parade 
• Describe the thought, like, “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough”
• Sing your internal dialogue
• Write the ideas on paper and re-read them as an objective outsider
• Visualize putting your thoughts into a container

A quick aside: If you’re finding it hard to separate yourself from your thoughts like this, it might just mean you’re too overwhelmed and grounding techniques (like some of the ones above) might work better in the moment, Dr. Percifield notes.

5. Hold yourself accountable. 

Because being triggered is overwhelming (and we’re only human), we can react in ways that we might regret later. Maybe you snap at your coworker, throw your phone across the room, or make a scene at Starbucks. That can lead to feeling ashamed, which sets off a cycle of more negative emotions, says Dr. Percifield. And that’s not ideal when you’re already feeling a lot of uncomfortable stuff.

But, if you take accountability for what you did when you were triggered, you might be able to move forward faster and use new coping skills down the line. “It also fosters a sense of personal agency, acknowledging that, even when we’re triggered, we still have the power to make choices about how we respond,” Dr. Percifield explains. 

So, if you acted out, apologize, Dr. Percifield suggests. If you relapse, call someone who’s supporting your sobriety, she adds. Whatever you gotta do to repair the harm done and grow from the experience is fair game, she says.

6. Work with a therapist. 

It might be obvious, but being triggered can impact how you function in your daily life. Maybe you can’t concentrate at work, you’re sleeping like shit, your reactions are harmful to yourself or others, or your mental health has been tanking for a long time. Any of that can really mess with your day-to-day. If you can relate, that’s a sign you’d benefit from working with a mental health professional, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

There are lots of different ways a therapist can help you manage your symptoms and develop coping skills to get by when stuff goes down, but that will depend on what you’re dealing with. 

For example, if you have OCD, exposure and response prevention (a kind of exposure therapy) triggers your compulsions with the guidance of a mental health pro. Then, they’ll help you find new ways to manage those urges, explains Dr. Carrero Pinedo. This can help you slowly get used to your triggers and respond differently. 

If you’re experiencing triggers related to something traumatic, trauma therapy, like EMDR or narrative therapy, might be useful, says Dr. Hughes. These modalities can heal your trauma, ultimately eliminating triggers over time, notes Dr. Percifield. 

At the end of the day, “you are worthy of a nervous system that is calm and that is going to allow you to thrive,” assures Dr. Carrero Pinedo.

The post Triggered? Here’s How to Deal appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 06.28.24

Do I Need Trauma Therapy?

Let’s get healed. BySam Brodsky

If you recently heard about trauma therapy, that makes sense. Over the last few years, for better or for worse, your friends, your fam, and the internet at large have become a lot more acquainted with trauma and how to heal it.

Trauma is any disturbing event that scares you, makes you feel helpless, leaves you confused, or stirs up other hard emotions that are so intense that they negatively impact your “attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning” going forward, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). 

Whether you grew up in an unsafe environment, witnessed a tragic accident, survived one, or experienced something else traumatic, circumstances like these can scare the shit out of us and shift how we feel and function in everyday life. 

But the effects of trauma are as wide-ranging as the things that can traumatize us. On the more intense end of the trauma symptom spectrum, some can have flashbacks, avoid specific people and places, or experience depression, says clinical and forensic psychologist Demara Bennett, PsyD, who specializes in trauma. Some might also develop a trauma- and stressor-related disorder, like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), she says. 

If you can relate (or know someone who can) and you’re interested in learning more about how to treat those symptoms with trauma therapy, we got you. Below, we spoke to mental health pros about what trauma therapy is, how it works, and how to find someone to help you work through your struggles. 

What is trauma therapy? 

Turns out, there’s no official authority that regulates what trauma therapy is, how it’s defined, and who gets to practice it. That makes this question a little tricky to answer. But, on a basic level, trauma therapy is therapy that’s meant to help you heal from thoughts and feelings caused by trauma, says Dr. Bennett. 

Yes, any therapist can help you manage mental health struggles stemming from past events or traumas. But a trauma therapist is a mental health professional who specializes in treating trauma- and stressor-related disorders as well as debilitating symptoms of trauma, says clinical psychologist Jessica Punzo, PsyD, president-elect of the APA’s trauma psychology division.

Even though trauma therapists aren’t regulated, they typically seek extra training, like internships and certification programs, to learn how to treat those conditions and challenges, says Dr. Punzo. That makes them better equipped to work with clients whose trauma symptoms are dramatically interfering with their lives. 

The therapeutic modalities used in trauma therapy are ones that’ve been shown to improve severe symptoms of trauma or were developed to do so (even if there’s not quite enough evidence yet to prove they work). 

Honestly, there are a lot of types of trauma therapy out there, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and prolonged exposure, and your trauma therapist will help you figure out which seems most suited for you, says clinical psychologist Abigail Percifield, PsyD, vice president of the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. 

How long trauma therapy takes to work depends on many factors, but it could be as little as six weeks, says Dr. Bennett. Of course, sometimes people need years of treatment, especially if they have the type of long-lasting trauma that usually happens in childhood, aka complex PTSD (C-PTSD), says Dr. Percifield. 

How to know if trauma therapy is right for you 

If you’ve been dealing with severe trauma symptoms, you’d definitely benefit from finding a trauma therapist. And that’s true even if you’re not sure what brought them on in the first place, says Dr. Punzo. “Trauma is subjective,” she explains. “Therapists are not detectives; they’re not here to prove that you had a traumatic experience.” Instead, they’re here to help you deal with the aftermath in a way that feels safe and holds space for whatever you went through.

If you’re in therapy already, you might be wondering if it’s worth finding a trauma  therapist to address your symptoms. Ultimately, it’s up to you. If you feel like your therapist is helping you cope with whatever you’ve been through, that’s great! If you’re looking for more trauma-focused treatment from someone with experience treating severe trauma symptoms, it could be worth making the switch. That said, if your therapist suspects you’d benefit from services they can’t provide, it’s best practice for them to refer you to someone who can help, notes trauma psychologist Ayli Carrero Pinedo, PhD. So maybe ask them what they think. 

Types of trauma therapy

Like we said, there are lots of different approaches to treating trauma. Some of them have scientific evidence backing up their trauma-healing efficacy, and others don’t. While there’s some debate about the best standard of treatment for severe trauma, below we explain a few trauma therapies mental health pros generally agree are most helpful. 

Prolonged exposure (PE)

This is a kind of exposure therapy where you gradually face the fears associated with your trauma. PE teaches you that these memories and situations aren’t actually dangerous, according to the APA.  

With your therapist, you’ll describe the trauma as if it’s happening in present tense and record yourself, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. Replaying this outside of the sessions (homework!) enables you to confront and process emotions that you may have been avoiding, she says. 

You’ll also gradually put yourself in real-life situations that trigger your fear associated with the trauma. For example, if crowds really scare you, you might go to the grocery store and just park outside. The next time, you might go to the door and, the time after that, walk in one aisle, Dr. Carrero Pinedo notes. (You get the point!)

Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)

CPT helps you challenge unhelpful beliefs that stem from your trauma, according to the APA. Some of those beliefs might sound like, “I was weak,” or, “I should have done something differently,” or, “If I open up to people, I’ll get hurt.” Whether you’re aware of it or not, these mindsets can keep you stuck, says Dr. Bennett. Over a series of sessions, your therapist can help shift your perspective by prompting you for evidence for or against these thoughts and eventually help you modify your own beliefs around the traumatic event, explains Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)

During an EMDR session, a therapist asks you questions about a traumatic memory while you follow their finger or something else from left to right with your eyes, says Dr. Percifield. Other times a therapist may have you hold a device that vibrates in one hand and then the other, or listen to a sound playing in one ear and then the other with headphones, while asking you questions, she explains. These alternating sensations, sounds, or visuals are examples of bilateral stimulation, which may help make your traumatic memories less vivid and emotional, according to the APA.

It’s not 100% clear why EMDR works, but one theory suggests that doing two things at once—the eye movement or other sensory activity, plus recalling the traumatic memory—disrupts your working memory, and this helps make what you’re remembering less emotional and vivid, according to a systematic review. Paying attention to these two things at once also somehow allows you to access more adaptive information about your environment and yourself—aka info you’ve learned from non-traumatic experiences, like looking at situations realistically, Dr. Percifield explains.

FYI, EMDR can potentially stir up traumatic memories you didn’t know you had, so experiencing them in therapy can feel like a lot, Dr. Percifield says. Maybe that’s not something you’re ready for. But EMDR can be a good option for people who don’t want to do in-person exposures or don’t have time for homework.

Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT)

This one is typically utilized by trauma therapists treating kids and adolescents and their parents or caregivers. It involves exposure work and learning coping skills for dealing with the effects of trauma, per the APA. 

The child would also create what Dr. Bennett calls a trauma narrative, where they’d think about the trauma and write about it, paint it, or express it in other ways. “It’s not just a retelling; it’s your opportunity to have more power over the experience,” she says. 

Narrative therapy

This kind of therapy is meant to rewrite your life story with “true but more life-enhancing narratives or stories,” per the APA. The theory is that by deconstructing the events of your life, including your trauma and the problems it’s caused, you can put it back together in a more helpful way.

This could be especially helpful when dealing with intergenerational trauma, or racial trauma, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. “It can really emphasize the resistance of your ancestors, the strength of their survival, and the wisdom that they have carried throughout the years, rather than just focusing solely on the trauma experienced,” she explains. 

FWIW, if you suspect you have intergenerational trauma, consider researching traditional healing practices from your cultural or community background, says Dr. Percifield. “[Trauma treatment] doesn’t always have to be [from] a Western lens; we can have music and movement and dance. All those things are also ways of healing,” adds Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

How to find a trauma therapist

Ultimately, a person who calls themself a trauma therapist should have the training to back it up, which might look like certifications in some of the trauma therapies we talked about above. There’s no one certification that a trauma therapist needs  to get in order to call themself a specialist in trauma, says Dr. Punzo. And even mental health pros without certifications can have training from reputable trauma orgs and years and years of experience treating trauma, so it’s best to look at a therapist’s full skillset and background, notes Dr. Percifield. You can also check out these directories to up your chances of finding a therapist who specializes and is trained in trauma therapy:

• International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
• EMDR International Association 
• Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy National Therapist Certification Program
• Cognitive Processing Therapy For PTSD  
• International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies

Once you find someone, hop on the phone or email them to ask what treatments they’re certified in and the kinds of clients they see (they should say that most of their clients are dealing with severe trauma symptoms, complex PTSD, or trauma- and stressor-related disorders).

As you get started with a trauma therapist, check in to ask yourself  how you feel during your sessions, suggests Dr. Percifield. Is this type of therapy meeting your needs? Does it feel right for you? Do you feel like you can communicate with your therapist? If so, that’s great! If not, maybe keep looking.

Heads up: It might not feel amazing from the get-go. Being nervous about delving into everything  is totally valid, says Dr. Bennett. After all, we tend to avoid things that are emotionally distressing, she notes, and trauma is one of them.

The post Do I Need Trauma Therapy? appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 06.05.24

How to Finally Stop Catastrophizing

Ever think a minor headache is a tumor? BySam Brodsky

Any sign of turbulence means your plane is going down. Your boss sighed at you, so you’re bound to get a call from HR. Your headache is…wayyyy  more than a headache. Welcome to catastrophizing 101, folks.

In case you didn’t know, catastrophizing is when your brain jumps to the worst possible outcome in any situation, says psychotherapist Gianna LaLota, LMHC, clinician at NYC Cognitive Therapy. It’s a type of cognitive distortion, or a faulty line of thinking, that can happen to the best of us. Seriously—anyone can catastrophize, but you may be more prone to this if you have an anxiety disorder or depression, says LaLota. 

We all have intrusive thoughts sometimes, but catastrophizing takes this a step further by assuming the worst-case scenario will  happen and causing you to ruminate over that, says psychotherapist Kristen Jacobsen, LCPC. Plus, catastrophizing is usually rooted in things that are pretty legit. Like, maybe you’re jumping to conclusions because of past experiences where things went wrong, LaLota says. Or, maybe your mind is interpreting anxiety or fear as evidence that you’re in actual danger, she adds. Take turbulence, for example. Feeling scared as your plane bounces can trick your brain into thinking that a crash is inevitable, LaLota explains. 

Catastrophizing is also your mind’s way of trying to get ahead of a bad outcome by preparing you for the hard feelings that come with it, like disappointment or even more anxiety, says Jacobsen. For instance, spending the entire week before a trip worrying about the airline losing your luggage and convincing yourself that that’s productive because, hey, it could  happen!

Despite what anxiety would have you believe, worrying about the future won’t actually change the outcome, but it will almost definitely ruin the present. Catastrophic thinking can, unfortunately, be all-consuming like that, LaLota says.

Worst-case-scenario thinking can impact you physically too. Since your body can’t tell the difference between a real or make-believe threat, it often responds by going into fight or flight mode with intense, panicky sensations like sweaty palms, a racing heart, and stomach issues, says LaLota. Those sensations can also feed into your panic, she says. What a cycle. 

Even though you can’t always stop thoughts from popping in your head, you can  stop the worst-case-scenario worry from spiraling out of control, notes LaLota. To get to that place of handling your catastrophic thinking better, here are therapist-backed tips you’ll want to screenshot ASAP. (I, Queen of anxious thoughts, will for sure be saving these for later!)  

1. Separate yourself from your thoughts.

Getting distance from your thoughts—what’s called defusion—can be the pause you need to see them in a realistic light before you feel out of control, says LaLota. Separating yourself from your thoughts minimizes the power they have because, rather than spiraling, you’re giving yourself time to realize that they’re just…thoughts, she explains.

You can visualize them on a computer screen being typed out or recite them backwards or in a funny voice, LaLota suggests. She also suggests saying, “Oh, what an interesting thought,” to call it out. You can even attribute your catastrophic thoughts to some anxious alter ego named Susan! Some clients have told clinical psychologist Cynthia Shaw, PsyD, that literally just saying “stop” while the worst-case-scenario thoughts are happening helps them snap out of it, she says. 

2. Put your catastrophic thoughts on trial. 

Assessing the probability of the worst-case scenario can help you think more realistically too. Sure, anything is possible, but is it actually likely? Probs not. So, look at the evidence. If you’re scared of flying because you can’t stop picturing the plane crashing, is there anything about the plane that’s making you believe it’s unsafe? Can you look up stats on how often crashes happen? Jacobsen’s all for doing your own research on plane safety. You can also think about every time you or your friends took plane rides and didn’t  crash, she adds. All signs point to a disaster being unlikely.

3. Think about other outcomes.

To help you believe that there are outcomes other than disaster, LaLota suggests answering the following three questions: 

• What is the worst-case scenario?
• What’s the absolute best-case scenario?
• What is the most realistic scenario? 

Sometimes zooming out puts things into perspective, says LaLota. We’re also teaching our minds how to assess threats more accurately instead of believing our negative thoughts, she notes. 

Say you didn’t study for a test. You’re worried you’re going to fail, you’ll flunk the entire class, and you’ll be ashamed for years to come. On the opposite end of possibility, the exam could be easier than you thought and you’d get a great grade. The most probable outcome is that you’d get a below average score on this test but your future won’t suffer too much, says LaLota.

4. Ground yourself.

Jacobsen says that catastrophizing can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you can’t stop worrying about bombing a big presentation, you may get so worked up that you do  screw up, she explains. You’re not this all-powerful being who controls life, but catastrophizing about something can work against you. 

To avoid stuff like that from happening, you’ll want to calm your body and mind down when they’re in panic mode with grounding techniques. Grounding can help reduce your catastrophic thinking by distracting you from the spiral, bringing you back to the present moment, and soothing the physical sensations you might be having, Dr. Shaw says.

One of Dr. Shaw’s favorite techniques is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. If that’s not for you, you can also try playing with silly putty, using a fidget toy, or noticing how a rock feels or looks in your hand, she says. 

5. Get curious about where your worries come from.

Since past experiences can influence catastrophic thinking, one way to get perspective is to ask: OK, is there something that happened before that’s making me think this way?  And: Is there something deeper going on? What am I REALLY afraid of?  “A lot of times, [the deeper fear is] either safety and survival, vulnerability, lack of control, shame, or fear of judgment,” says Jacobsen. This investigative work can help surface the underlying issues or experiences triggering your worries, she explains. And that sucks the power away out of your spiral. Also, you can work through what’s making you catastrophize about the present, she notes. 

Maybe you’re worried that your friend just canceled plans because they hate you. This stress might not be about your friend though! You might have been betrayed by people in your past and you’re subconsciously (or consciously) trying to protect yourself from experiencing that again, says Jacobsen. 

Note: If you’re dealing with past trauma, it might be a good idea to unpack fears associated with that trauma in therapy so you have extra support, Jacobsen says. 

6. Physical symptoms are innocent until proven guilty.

For people whose anxiety centers on health, it’s common to worry that every ache or pain means something is terribly wrong, says Jacobsen. (Me! I’m people!) In those instances, try to give whatever you’re feeling time to work itself out, she notes. Chances are, you’ll be OK in a day or two. If not, you can call your doctor.

7. Explore how you’d handle the worst-case scenario.

When we’re anxious, we’re often overestimating how much of a threat something is and underestimating our ability to cope with that threat, says LaLota. But there’s definitely a difference between worrying about the worst outcome (unhelpful!) and planning for what you’d do (helpful!), she explains. 

Planning sometimes helps us recognize how unlikely the worst-case scenario is or, at the very least, realize that we’re capable of handling our shit, LaLota notes. “If we have confidence in our ability to cope even when things go wrong, the catastrophe, the worst happening, doesn’t seem as daunting because we have that self-trust,” she says.

Here are some questions that can help you feel prepared for the worst, according to LaLota:

• How have you handled a similar situation in the past? 
• What can you do or who can you go to in advance to prepare you for this hypothetical situation?
• What skills do you already have that can help you through this? 

8. Let go of control.

You can look at the evidence and prepare all you want, but the reality is, technically, nothing is certain. So, sometimes the only thing you can do is relinquish a little bit of control, says Dr. Shaw. 

Dr. Shaw recommends imagining the catastrophizing thoughts passing you by—on a log going down a river or on clouds moving across the sky—and just sitting with the emotions you’re feeling without judging. “We cannot protect ourselves from bad things happening,” Jacobsen adds. “That’s life. So work on that acceptance [and tell yourself]: I can control what I can, but there’s also a lot that is out of my control.”

9. Lean into compassion.

No good comes from shaming worst-case-scenario thinking—have you ever worried about how much you were worrying?! Not helpful! Instead, remind yourself that this is your brain’s way of trying to help you prepare for a bad thing, says LaLota. It has good intentions even if it’s a little misguided, she adds. Less shame; more compassion!

The post How to Finally Stop Catastrophizing appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 11.29.23

7 Ways to Keep Wedding Planning Stress from Ruining Your Relationship

Weddings are a team sport. ByMarilyn La Jeunesse

If you’re reading this, the warm and fuzzy feelings of the proposal have likely passed and you’re diving into an ocean full of wedding stress. Don’t worry—that’s normal. A 2023 Zola survey of over 4,000 engaged couples found that 52% described wedding planning as stressful and 59% described it as overwhelming.

This period of time can quickly devolve into a series of hard-to-make decisions and a lot of money spent on a single day, which, yeah, is stressful and overwhelming. That’s especially true if this is the first time you’re managing an expensive project with your partner—not to mention one that others feel entitled to give tons of unsolicited feedback on, says Amy Shack Egan, the founder and CEO of wedding planning company Modern Rebel.

There’s also the pressure of making the right choices to meet your family’s (or even society’s) expectations, says licensed psychologist Miriam Kirmayer, PhD. While that may look like seating chart drama (prepare yourself) or inviting your mom’s childhood friend you’ve never met, it can also include things like being in the so-called best shape of your life or having to discuss your religious views with your partner for maybe the first time ever. 

These intensified emotions can make you lose sight of your general well-being, which can impact your relationship, says Dr. Kirmayer. Losing sleep over place cards or forgetting to eat as you slog through Excel spreadsheets can make you feel generally frustrated and lead to an ill-timed explosion when your partner asks, “Are you sure we don’t have the budget for an open bar?” It can become a bit of a spiral for many couples, says Dr. Kirmayer.

While some of the chaos is unavoidable depending on factors like who’s paying, you and your partners’ work hours, and the size of your guest list, there are ways you can make this whole thing less of a stress on your bond.

1. Take care of your basic needs.

Don’t let the depths of wedding planning pull you under. By prioritizing sleep, eating, movement, and time with your people, you’ll have more mental and emotional bandwidth to manage the planning process without burning out. 

Maybe that means making grocery shopping a priority above any wedding stuff. That way, you’ll have food in the house to fuel your Pinterest sessions. Or perhaps you make sure to clock that silly mental health walk on the days you’re feeling really frazzled. You can also set up a cannot-miss monthly coffee date with one of your friends. Keeping those fundamentals in place can make this whole thing feel easier, says Dr. Kirmayer.

2. Split the planning according to your strengths.

When your disdain for spreadsheets evolves into resenting your spreadsheet-less partner, the emotional toll of wedding planning is probably becoming too much. Before it gets this far, try to divide up the tasks according to your strengths and your partner’s. 

If your partner loves a Google sheet, maybe they should take on things like addressing invites, keeping track of the budget, and keeping an eye on the guest list. If you love details and bringing the vision to life, maybe you select the decor, pick the menu, and create the place cards. It’s a lot of work no matter what, but by doing the things you like or are good at, you and your partner should feel less burdened by the to-do list, says Egan.

3. Limit wedding talk.

While everything can feel urgent when you’re wedding planning—hello, you’re basically competing with every other engaged couple in your area—designating specific times in your week to project manage can protect your relationship from the stress and overwhelm, says Egan. 

Egan recommends her clients pick one night a week to talk about the wedding. So, every Tuesday night at 6:30 p.m., you and your partner discuss the to-dos you need to accomplish to put this event together.

If once a week isn’t enough to get everything done, maybe designate a certain time of day or the second and fourth weekend of the month. Whatever the time period, the goal is to contain the wedding admin part of your relationship, so you can enjoy the other stuff you do together. “You don’t want this to become your whole personality. You’ve got an entire amazing life left to live after this event,” says Egan.

4. Compare your priorities.

Most people planning a wedding have financial parameters—and that can make compromising a team sport. Still, sacrificing your seven-piece invitation for a champagne at dinner isn’t always easy. Instead of waiting for choices like that to come up and (maybe, probably) cause a fight, Egan recommends that you and your partner make a list of must-haves ranked from most to least important. Once you’ve completed your list, compare it with your partner’s and try to meet in the middle, forming one list with a ranking of wedding priorities.

Doing this early on in the process will help prevent future heated discussions. But if you and your partner disagree on something major, be open to alternatives and solutions that make you both relatively happy. This can help solidify a good foundation for open communication and conflict resolution for your future relationship, Dr. Kirmayer adds.

5. Check in with each other first—then consult with family.

Obviously, your partner isn’t the only one who might have ideas about how this event should go, especially if your families are contributing money and expect you to use their funds in a specific way. Families often have different expectations for how involved they should be or how much of a say they have. But, before approaching your family to discuss anything wedding-related, like who will be invited or how religious a ceremony will be, Dr. Kirmayer recommends that you and your partner get clear on your own wants, needs, and desires for this day. That clarity can help you stand strong as you go into discussions where others might try to persuade you to go in a direction that doesn’t align with what you and your partner had in mind, Dr. Kirmayer explains. 

Ask yourselves what you really want out of your wedding, what your values are, and how you can create an event that aligns with those things. If you’re open to hearing other people’s opinions (assuming that you are), it’s important to emphasize the importance of making decisions based on what the two of you want, says Dr. Kirmayer. 

6. Look into counseling.

While some religious groups require different forms of pre-marital counseling (often with spiritual leaders) before your wedding, Dr. Kirmayer says therapy or counseling is something that all couples should consider—especially if they’re feeling stressed during the planning process. “Within that context, important conversations can come up.” 

For example, if your partner keeps complaining that you aren’t pulling your weight on this project, it might be a good time to discuss how you delegate other responsibilities and the best way to communicate who does what. That intel will be helpful long after you say your vows. 

7. Get excited about something beyond your wedding.

Much like post-vacation depression, some couples can experience post-wedding blues. They’ve spent all this time and effort on one day and then everything goes right back to normal. While this can be a relief (well, once those thank yous are done), the comedown can make you feel sad or even depressed. That’s why Dr. Kirmayer recommends setting things up to look forward to as a couple after your wedding, like a cooking class, regular date nights, or a road trip out of town. Anything that gets you psyched about the future is fair game. 

The post 7 Ways to Keep Wedding Planning Stress from Ruining Your Relationship appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 11.01.23

Whatever You’re Irrationally Afraid Of, Here’s How to Overcome It

Not easy. Definitely worth it. BySam Brodsky

We all have our own brand of nightmare fuel. Large bodies of water, uninvited creatures invading our homes, the creepy girl from The Ring. But if those kind of scaries keep you from living the life you want or get in the way of how you function, it might be time to actually face your fears. 

Maybe your partner has a dog but your fear of canines stops you from moving in together. Or your fear of flying means that you drive half a day to get to your sister’s wedding instead of jumping on a plane. Honestly, it happens; fear is a completely normal reaction to what we think is dangerous—even if we’re not realistically  in danger, explains psychotherapist Jennifer Daigle, LPC, NCC. (That’s catastrophizing for ya!)

That said, a lot of good can come from tackling a fear that’s limiting you. (A closer relationship with your partner and their dog! Less time spent on the road!) If something keeps you from reaching your goals or enjoying time with your people, it’s worth confronting, Daigle says.

Yeah, this can be intimidating as hell, but it is doable. Even if you’re convinced facing your fear will go horribly wrong, that’s probably not the case. “When something that isn’t dangerous feels really scary, our imagination is creating the narrative about what the outcome of facing that thing will be,” notes Daigle, who learned to face her own fear of germs (linked to her OCD) with the help of a therapist. 

So how do you even do that? Here, we asked experts for the exercises and mindset shifts that can help you face fear and start thriving. 

Remember your “why.” 

When you’re scared, you might be like, “Um, hi! Why the hell would I want to do this?!” But remembering all the good things that can come with facing that fear can motivate you to do it anyway. For example, if Daigle didn’t face her fear of germs, she says she wouldn’t be able to own a dog, leave her house, or see her friends in public.

Make a vision board of how you want your life to look after you conquer your fear, Daigle suggests. Maybe you piece together a collage of places you’ve always wanted to visit or mini milestones you want to accomplish (like going camping or giving a toast). Keep it handy or take a picture of it so you can look at it whenever you’re feeling unsure if you’re up for the challenge, says Daigle. 

Watch someone else do it.

Giving a speech, being around dogs, or going to the dentist can be intimidating for sure. To practice sitting in the discomfort without actually doing it yourself, watch other people do those things on YouTube or in real life, suggests Daigle. It can still be a challenge to get through, but witnessing others experiencing the scary thing shows us that it might not be so bad, she says. Just make sure you’re careful about what videos you watch online, she adds. You definitely want to avoid any worst-case scenario clips. 

Do a mental rehearsal. 

Speaking of, if you tend to worry about all of the horrible things that could happen when you do something you’re scared of, go ahead and also think about how you’d (effectively!) navigate that scary situation, says anxiety specialist and clinical psychologist Alex Littleton, PsyD. “If we imagine ourselves coping really well in a situation that’s scary, that makes us more likely to actually cope with it well in the moment. … It’s like, ‘I’ve dealt with this before. I can deal with this again,’” Dr. Littleton explains. 

Say you’re afraid to do a presentation in front of some really important people in suits. Picture yourself up on stage, palms sweating, heart racing, mind going blank. Frustration flares and you feel unprepared or incapable or dumb. Visualize all of that. Then, watch yourself cope. Picture reaching for a water bottle, taking a sip, walking to the other side of the stage, breathing deep, and pausing to buy yourself time, says Dr. Littleton. Look at you go! 

Build up to your biggest fear. 

Facing creepy things in bite-sized pieces can help you build confidence so you can work toward your ultimate goal of overcoming your fear. You can do this by ranking situations from 1 to 10—1 being not very scary, suggests Daigle. Working your way from a little scary to mid-level scary to WTF scary, do each thing until it feels pretty easy to handle. Once something feels manageable, move on to a bigger challenge.

The last thing on your list should not be anything you wouldn’t face in real life. For example, if spiders freak you out, you (obviously) don’t have to sit in a room with 100 of them, licensed clinical psychologist Tamara Jacobs Sussman, PhD, previously told Wondermind. 

So maybe you start by looking at pictures of spiders. Then, you can watch videos of spiders, go on a hike in nature where spiders exist, stand by as your friend holds a spider, then maybe touch one. If you can survive a situation on your list, it’s proof you can do it again, Daigle notes. 

Don’t fight it. 

Think about what your body did the last time you were scared. Most of the time, our hearts start pumping, we breathe faster, we sweat in places we didn’t know we could sweat, and our muscles get tense, notes Dr. Littleton. Unfortunately, that fear response can add to the terror we’re already dealing with. 

Instead of wishing this fear response away and getting in your head about it, just notice how your body’s reacting in the moment with as little judgment as possible, Dr. Littleton suggests. Then, try relaxing any tension that might be making your fear worse. For example, if you’re asking a question during a Zoom meeting and you realize your hands are clenched, try unclenching, loosening your shoulders a bit, and exhaling, he says. It’s sorta like quicksand: “If you fall into a pit of quicksand and you start to thrash and fight, it’s only going to pull you deeper in,” he explains. 

See a mental health professional.

With the help of a therapist, you can learn to face your fear, get to the bottom of where it comes from, and feel seen by someone who is paid not to judge you. That can be a winning combination if you feel like the things that terrify you are messing with the way you do life. 

They might start by working through your fears in manageable steps, like we talked about (this is called exposure therapy). And your therapist might even participate, says Dr. Littleton, who’s helped people scared of germs literally go touch toilets. (Gross, but also…very cool of him!)

A mental health pro will also look into whether your aversion is a sign of a mental health condition, like specific phobia or another anxiety disorder, or if it stems from something else. The best part is that they do it without making you feel ashamed about whatever gets under your skin. And who doesn’t want more of that? 

The post Whatever You’re Irrationally Afraid Of, Here’s How to Overcome It appeared first on Wondermind.