Pro Tips Link Copied 03.11.24

How to Be There for Someone Who Self-Harms

You’re more helpful than you think. BySam Brodsky

When you know that someone you care about is self-harming, you might think, Holy shit, what should I do? What can I possibly say or do without making it worse?  Despite the strides we’ve made in normalizing so many mental health topics, self-harm still seems to be taboo—thanks in part to the stigmatizing assumption that self-harm is just a means for gaining attention or sympathy, says therapist Arielle Mach, LCSW.

Being faced with self-harm might ring alarm bells, but it’s not usually like what you’ve seen in movies. Of course, anytime someone hurts themself on purpose it is  serious, but it doesn’t mean they want to end their life. It’s also not uncommon. “Self-harm should be treated like any other mental health issue—any other thing that a person is struggling with,” says Mach. And, with the right support, it can get better.

Technically speaking, self-harm is the “intentional, direct destruction of body tissue … without conscious suicidal intent,” according to the American Psychological Association. That last part is why mental health professionals also call it nonsuicidal self-injury. Though it’s not the same as suicidality, self-harm can be dangerous, says Mach.

Self-harm itself isn’t a mental illness; it’s a way some people cope with hard emotions when they’re at a loss for better ways to deal, says Mach. In her experience, people also self-harm when they’re emotionally numb or to give themselves a sense of control. They might do it as a form of self-punishment too, she adds. After self-harming, people might feel a lot of shame and sometimes do it again to manage big feelings that stem from the shame. That can spark a dangerous cycle, per the National Alliance on Mental Illness. 

Anyone, at any age, might engage in self-harm, notes Mach. That said, it’s most common in adolescents and young adults, per a review of research. Sometimes it can show up alongside larger mental health issues, like depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or PTSD, Mach adds.

Because this is such a complex mental health issue, you shouldn’t try to handle it all on your own, says Mach. Ideally, your person would also seek help from a licensed mental health professional trained in treating self-harm, she notes. (More on that later!) But there are ways you can be there for them.

Whether somebody just told you about their self-harm or you want to be prepared JIC, here are some specific ways you can support them, according to mental health professionals who treat self-harm.

Leave your judgment at the door. 

People who self-harm are often scared to be judged for it, says Mach. That can make being open about this mental health struggle…a struggle. “I think people are more comfortable sharing things like, ‘I feel depressed’ or ‘I feel anxious’ or ‘I’m having panic attacks,’ but there’s still a very big stigma around harming yourself on purpose,” she explains.

If they feel judged, they may not be open about their self-harm. Instead, they’ll shut down without asking for the support they likely need from you, explains Mach. Saying something like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This must be really hard. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” shows your loved one that you’re not gonna look at them differently, she says. It’s better than, “You shouldn’t do that,” or, “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” Even if you mean well, statements like those two make people feel ashamed, Mach notes. After all, many people who self-harm would agree. They wish they wouldn’t hurt themselves either—they just don’t know what else to do, she explains. 

You might not understand why they’re self-harming. That’s fair. But asking questions to learn more about their perspective can keep the convo going in a non-shamey way. Say, “I’m really trying to understand what’s going on with you. Can you tell me a little bit more about what triggers your self-harm?” suggests Mach. They might not even know the answer, so that’s OK too. You’re not there to interrogate them!

Just listen to them.

If you have no clue how to respond after they say they’re self-harming, just reflect back what they’re expressing to you, suggests clinical psychologist Ashley Schwartzman, PsyD. When you do that, be sure to ask if you got it right, she says. This way, they know you’re trying to get a grasp of what they’re going through. You might feel dumb for repeating their thoughts back to them, but it goes a long way to show them you’re a safe space. Plus, this communication skill is legit; it’s part of active listening. 

After you hear them out, thank them for coming to you. Try something like, “I know this must be hard for you to talk about so I’m really glad you came to me. Thank you,” suggests Dr. Schwartzman. This shows they’re important to you and encourages them to come to you in the future, she says.

Talk about other ways to manage Big Feelings. 

Again, when someone wants to self-harm, it’s usually because they’re trying to deal with something in their life. So a big part of stopping these behaviors is finding different coping skills. That might look like distracting themself with TV or music, going for a walk, or splashing cold water in their face, Mach explains. Using these skills can give your mind and body a break from the emotionally charged experiences that may otherwise lead to self-harm, explains Dr. Schwartzman. 

Talking about how they’ve coped with intense feelings without self-harming can make it easier to turn to those skills in hard times, says Mach. Then, if they come to you later with those urges, you can remind them that going on a walk or watching a show has helped them before, she notes. You can even offer to do these things with them so they’re not alone, she adds.

Of course, working with a professional to figure out coping skills is most helpful, both therapists say. So encourage them to seek help or offer to help them find it so they can get tools from the people who know what they’re talking about. (More on this in a bit!) 

If you’re a parent or caregiver of someone who self-harms, you can actually go to dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) sessions, either by yourself or in skills groups with your kid and other caregivers, to learn stuff like this, says Dr. Schwartzman. If this applies to you, you might want to check those out to better support your kid.

When in doubt, ask how you can best help them.

If you’re at a loss, you can ask your loved one what they need. Opening the floor to them shows that you care and want to support them in the moment. And, since everyone is different, don’t just assume you know what they need from you, says Mach. Give them the chance to tell you. 

You can also ask what’s not helpful and respect those boundaries moving forward. That shows them you’re an emotional outlet now and in the future. Maybe they don’t want to give you specifics. In that case, don’t press them, says Mach. If they say they don’t want you to keep asking them about their self-harm, give them space to come to you. That said, if they feel like they may self-harm when they’re alone, it’s encouraged that you stick around, Mach notes.

Get emergency help if they need it. 

When someone tells you that they hurt themself on purpose, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want to die. Like we said before, self-harm and suicide attempts aren’t the same. However, some research suggests that having a history of self-harm can put someone at higher risk of suicidal thoughts and suicidal behavior. 

If somebody you love has just hurt themself on purpose and you think their life is in danger, it’s best to err on the side of caution, both experts say. As someone who isn’t a trained professional, you wouldn’t necessarily know how to determine whether or not a person who’s self-harming is suicidal, Mach explains. That’s not on you to figure out. Instead, call a crisis mobile unit in your area, 988, or 911, or take them to the nearest emergency room where they can get a proper assessment, suggests Dr. Schwartzman.

Help them find support. 

Again, since self-harm is serious, it’s not something that non-mental health pros should handle solo, says Mach. That’s also a lot of pressure to put on yourself. While showing your support is important, someone who self-harms also needs help from a licensed, trained professional, she explains. 

Aside from taking the onus off of you, a mental health pro can help someone who’s self-harming with the things we’ve already talked about: finding new coping skills, planning for what to do if they’re in a crisis, and learning more about why they self-harm, says Dr. Schwartzman. Your person may also feel more comfortable being honest with a therapist about what they’re going through, she notes.  

For all of these reasons, asking if you can help them find a therapist is a good move. In a perfect world, they’d book an appointment with a mental health pro who has experience working with people who’ve self-harmed using therapies like dialectical behavior therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, notes Mach. Good directories to start off with are Psychology Today and the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies. 

Once they’re set up with a pro, you can step in from the sidelines with extra support when they need it. 

The post How to Be There for Someone Who Self-Harms appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 09.21.23

6 Things We’re All Getting Wrong About Suicide

The more you know, the more you can help. BySam Brodsky

You’re forgiven if, up until now, you assumed that someone who’s having suicidal thoughts needs to be hospitalized ASAP (that’s rare!). Ditto if you think that having honest conversations about this topic increases the risk of suicide (it doesn’t!). Those myths about suicide and others have been floating around for basically ever, but when they go unchecked, it can hurt the people who need help most.

People dealing with suicidal thoughts can start to internalize or believe these kinds of narratives. They might feel judged or ashamed, which can ultimately hold them back from getting help. “[These suicide myths] make it feel like [suicidal ideation] has to be this big secret, which deters people from seeking help or acknowledging that they’re struggling,” says therapist Whitcomb Terpening, LCSW-S, founder of The Semicolon Group, an outpatient mental health practice that works with those who have experiences with suicide. Likewise, misconceptions can keep others from checking in on someone they might think is struggling with suicidal thoughts.

Whether you’re dealing with suicidal ideation or know someone who might be, those myths about suicide can make discussing mental health symptoms like this especially scary, Terpening adds. But the fact that you’re here means you’re probably game for breaking that stigma, and we’re happy you made it. 

Once you’re armed with these facts, you’ll be more prepared to find some support or assist someone who needs it. And, to my fellow know-it-alls, feel free to kindly correct anyone misspeaking about suicide by dropping this link.  

1. Myth: You can trigger someone’s suicidal thoughts by asking about them. 

If someone isn’t having suicidal thoughts in the first place, asking them about that possibility won’t make  them have those thoughts, says Terpening. “They won’t, all of a sudden, be like, ‘I was perfectly fine, but now that you mentioned the word suicide, I guess I’ll go think about [actually killing myself],” she explains.

At worst, if someone isn’t thinking about killing themself, it’ll annoy, frustrate, or embarrass them when you ask them if they are, Terpening says. Maybe they had a bad day, and you took their “LOL I want to die” text literally. You’re not wrong for being a concerned friend/citizen/human! 

And if someone is in fact having suicidal thoughts, talking about suicide with them won’t make things worse. When someone with suicidal ideation tells you about their thoughts, that can lessen the power those ideas had over them, Terpening explains. 

Going to them directly also takes the pressure off of them to initiate this tough convo, Terpening notes. It gives them permission to share what they’re going through and lets them know that they have a safe person ready to listen, she says. 

“So many times, suicide can be prevented by running toward a person struggling rather than running away,” stresses Jill Harkavy-Friedman, PhD, the senior vice president of research for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). And, if you’re the one having a hard time right now, this conversation can help emphasize that you’re not alone, people will not be better off without you, and there are things you can do to feel better, she says. 

2. Myth: Only people who have mental health conditions die by suicide. 

Yes, mental health disorders have been linked to suicide. A 2018 CDC report suggests 46% of people who died by suicide had a known mental health condition. That said, not everyone who has suicidal thoughts or dies by suicide has a disorder. 

Life circumstances like financial stress or divorce could also be behind someone’s suicidal ideation, says suicidologist and professor of social work at Loyola University Chicago Jonathan B. Singer, PhD, LCSW. Those situations, along with stuff like grief or health issues, can make people feel hopeless or like they’re a burden regardless of whether they have a diagnosable mental health issue. 

Remembering that anyone at any time can experience suicidal ideation might inspire you to check in on a friend who seems to be going through it or feel more empowered to seek help for your own suicidal thoughts.

3. Myth: Self-harm is always a suicide attempt. 

It might seem like somebody who hurts themself on purpose doesn’t want to live anymore. But it’s more often a way some cope with overwhelming emotions or feel something when they’re numb or dissociating, says Dr. Singer. Though, in his experience, people sometimes use self-harm as a way to actually deal with the pain of suicidal thoughts, that’s different than trying to act  on those ideas, Dr. Singer notes.

That said, some research suggests that a long history of self-harm is associated with a higher risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior. “The more destructive the harm becomes, the more likely it is that you’ll also become somebody who thinks about killing themself,” Dr. Singer says. But self-harm and suicide attempts are not  the same thing.

Still, if you find out that somebody close to you is self-harming, have a conversation with that person. You can say something like, “It sounds like you’re hurting. Can I do anything?” to let them know you get they’re in pain even if you don’t understand the reason, says Dr. Harkavy-Friedman. Then, you can offer to get them help, like setting up an appointment with a mental health pro or calling 988 if they’re having suicidal thoughts, she says. 

4. Myth: Suicide is a white person problem.

While white men made up 69.68% of suicide deaths in the U.S. in 2021, according to the AFSP, they’re not the only ones who struggle with suicidal ideation. 

In 2021, the CDC reported that American Indian and Alaska Native people overall had the highest suicide rates. Plus, suicide rates have been on the rise in racially minoritized populations, assistant professor at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte Sonyia C. Richardson, PhD, LCSW, previously told Wondermind.

Thinking that suicide only impacts one race “implicitly and explicitly blocks people and programs from funding scholarships, programs, and interventions that can be used to support people who aren’t white [and are dealing with suicidality],” Dr. Singer says. 

“People say, ‘This just doesn’t happen to ___ people.’ Like, ‘It doesn’t happen to Black people. It doesn’t happen to Latinos, Native people. It doesn’t happen to women…’ Suicide does not discriminate,” Dr. Richardson said. 

5. Myth: People who die by suicide are selfish. 

It’s totally valid to feel hurt if a loved one dies by suicide. But, a lot of the time, people who end their lives feel like their existence is a burden to others and sticking around would actually be selfish, says Dr. Singer. People who believe otherwise are not taking someone’s struggles seriously and aren’t trying to understand the painful experience somebody had when alive, he says. 

That idea also puts the onus on the person who died by suicide, Dr. Singer says. But you wouldn’t blame someone for dying in a tornado, right? Unfortunately, people think that when the storm’s inside  somebody, they suddenly have a choice, psychotherapist and suicidologist Stacey Freedenthal, PhD, LCSW, wrote in a powerful blog post in 2015. “The mind is deceptive. What appears to be a choice often is not truly a choice. … Nobody chooses to experience so much pain, loss, trauma, or mental illness that they feel compelled to die by suicide.”

6. Myth: Thinking about dying is always an emergency. 

In 2021, 12.3 million adults in the U.S. seriously thought about suicide, 3.5 million made an actual plan, and 1.7 million attempted to take their own lives, according to a national survey from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Over a million attempts is still a heartbreaking stat, but it’s clear that not everyone acts on their suicidal thoughts. “Having suicidal thoughts alone is always a cause for concern, but having them doesn’t mean that someone is planning to attempt suicide [which is an emergency],” says Terpening. 

Because suicidal ideation exists on a spectrum from thinking about dying by suicide (passive suicidal ideation) to planning an attempt (active suicidal ideation), not everyone who has suicidal thoughts needs to seek emergency care to prevent hurting themselves or others. “You can have thoughts of ending your life without the desire or the want or the intent to end your life,” says Dr. Singer. 

So, you should obviously take your own thoughts or someone’s comments about not wanting to live seriously, but you don’t need to call 911 or head to the hospital when it comes up. 

Instead, figure out whether there’s an imminent risk, meaning a plan to act in the next 24 to 48 hours. If that’s the case, and you or the other person is “unwilling or unable to delay suicide or work with others to [stay] safe,” then it constitutes an emergency, licensed clinical psychologist Ursula Whiteside, PhD, CEO of suicide prevention organization Now Matters Now, told Wondermind in a previous interview. 

And while the idea of inpatient treatment and/or an emergency hold can feel really scary, these facilities keep people, like you or the people you care about, out of harm’s way until the crisis has passed. 

If you aren’t sure, that’s OK. In that case, calling the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 will connect you with trained staff who can screen for the risk level and offer next steps, says Terpening. JFYI, here are more ways you can help someone with suicidal ideation.

The post 6 Things We’re All Getting Wrong About Suicide appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 11.30.22

Everything You Need to Know About 988

The suicide prevention hotline got a glow-up, but how’s that going? ByCarina Hsieh

This past summer, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which was first established in 2001, transitioned to a new, easy-to-remember number: 988. The goal was to make support for suicide and mental health crises more accessible, but the refresh brings up lots of very good, super important questions. 

Maybe the most pressing Q (besides, what is 988?) is, who is 988 even for? Well, anyone in the United States and American territories experiencing emotional distress or a mental health or a substance use crisis can call 988. So can family members and friends who want to help a loved one in those situations, says mental health expert Elliot Pinsly, LCSW, president of the Behavioral Health Foundation. That’s because 988 staff are trained to help people thinking of self-harm and people who are experiencing behavioral health issues—not just suicide—Pinsly says. 

Ultimately, the aim of making 988 a thing is to reduce the stigma of reaching out for help, says therapist Kiana Shelton, LCSW. Just like a lot of people wouldn’t hesitate to call 911 if their house was on fire, the creators of the hotline don’t want you to feel ashamed or think twice about calling 988 if there’s a mental health situation that needs de-escalation. (Of course, if someone needs immediate medical attention or someone’s life is in danger, you should call 911.) 

How does the 988 hotline work? 

Just like the old number, the new one provides 24/7 access to trained mental health crisis counselors (and translators for more than 240 languages, if you need one) via the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 

Texting 988 will set you up with the same services via text, which might be more accessible and discreet depending on your situation. Oh, and if you use a teletypewriter (TTY), you can use your usual relay service or call 711 before dialing 988. 

Who’s on the other end of the call? 

The 988 network is made up of more than 200 call centers that are staffed by trained volunteers and paid crisis counselors, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 

When you call or text, the staff could also transfer you to a line that’s dedicated to serving veterans or people who speak Spanish, if you want. There’s also a 24/7 phone line for people under 25 who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. As of now, the 25 and under LGBTQ+-focused text and chat hours are limited to 3 p.m. ET to 2 a.m. ET until these lines are fully staffed up. 

If you’re not looking to speak with someone who has one of those specialties, you’ll chat with a local center. And if they can’t accept your call, you’ll be transferred to the national network where you can talk through whatever’s on your mind. (The 988 website also hosts a ton of info and resources for specific communities, like people with neurodivergence, suicide attempt survivors, Black people, Native Americans and Alaskan Natives, and disaster survivors.)

A thing worth noting: Even though 988 has training tools and resources for every call center, training isn’t standardized across states—yet. That means until legislators nail down a standard curriculum that’s used across the country (coming this fall, per the 988 FAQ page), each center will use their community’s needs to develop training programs. But don’t let that freak you out. “Generally, 988 call takers receive evidence-based suicide prevention training at minimum,” Pinsly adds.

How confidential is 988 really?

First, if you’re worried about your call to the suicide prevention hotline showing up on your phone bill, keep in mind that it could happen depending on your phone company. 

Otherwise, calls and texts to 988 are confidential-ish, per the Federal Communications Commission. The hotline can see your area code or IP address, which is what they use to try to connect you with a local call center, but you don’t have to give them any personal or identifying information to get help. And (FWIW) any demographic info the counselor requests from you can only be used to keep you from hurting yourself or others and to help lawmakers spot areas for improvement (e.g. if they need a bigger budget to be better at serving an area), Pinsly says. 

Unlike 911, 988 can’t geolocate or “trace” your call for emergencies, according to 988’s FAQ page. However, if the trained counselor thinks you might be at risk of hurting yourself or others in that moment—and the de-escalation process isn’t helping—they may ask for your location (or try to use your area code or IP address) so they can send law enforcement and an ambulance. 

In that case, the counselors can also give local law enforcement your phone number or IP address if they think it’s necessary to get to you. That said, the counselors are trained to only call first responders and police when someone needs to be rescued, says Pinsly.

Also, the 988 administrators assured users in their FAQ section that they do not sell or share data related to 988 calls or texts, which is definitely a win.

Regardless of counselors’ best intentions, it makes sense if you’re still skeptical of a service that can send law enforcement—who aren’t always trained in mental health—to wherever you’re calling from (especially for historically marginalized and over-policed groups).

So, is this even helpful?

Yes! While calling 988 is no substitute for ongoing care from a licensed mental health professional (which, true, are still hard to find and/or afford), the new number can definitely help people “stay safe, formulate a plan, problem solve, and get connected to ongoing support in their area,” Shelton says. 

In August 2022, incoming calls, texts, and chats to the Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotline were 45% higher than in August 2021, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Plus, the hotline now known as 988 cut down the average time it took for a call to be answered from more than two minutes to about 42 seconds, per HHS.

Over time, 988 could also help destigmatize mental health care and make it easier for people to remember who to call when they’re going through a rough time. Here’s hoping! 

The post Everything You Need to Know About 988 appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 09.19.22

Zak Williams Shares What Helped Him Grieve His Father

"I learned that my experience was not an isolated one," he says of losing his father, Robin Williams, in 2014. ByShannon Barbour

This summer, mental health advocate and entrepreneur Zak Williams checked in to talk about the importance of destigmatizing conversations around suicide and what he learned while grieving his father, Robin Williams, who passed in August 2014. Williams, a U.S. trustee for United for Global Mental Health, also chatted about the launch of the 988 suicide and mental health crisis support line and what he learned as a special correspondent on and co-producer of the new Call For Help podcast. In the four-part series, Williams dives into 988 and leaves listeners with actionable steps they can take to destigmatize and democratize mental health. 

“We’re just in the early stages of what I feel would be comprehensive mental health support for individuals, populations, and communities throughout the United States,” he said. Here’s what else Williams wants people to know about the hotline, mental health, and the power of showing up for yourself. 

[This interview originally appeared in a September 2022 edition of the Wondermind Newsletter. Sign up here to never miss these candid conversations.] 

WM: How are you doing lately?

Zak Williams: I’ve been doing pretty well. I’ve become very bullish on the whole notion of mental hygiene and have integrated those rituals into my life. Those relate to having specific routines around nutrition, fitness, mindfulness, meditation, breathwork, community support, and self-improvement. With those integrated, I have found measurable improvement in my life. Aside from that, my kids are great, my wife is awesome, and the company’s going great. [It] took a lot of time to get to that point where I’m feeling comfortable and confident, but I think the mental hygiene element is really important.

WM: What’s something you do for your mental health on a regular basis?

ZW: Managing anxiety and depression through eating well and understanding what I’m putting in my body has been really essential. A gratitude exercise on a daily basis has been valuable for me. It’s two minutes of listing out things that I appreciate at any given time. For me, generally, starting small is great. [I also prioritize] community support, making sure I’m connecting with the people I care about and also [those] who are experiencing similar lived experiences, like other people in recovery. All of these elements combined make up a mosaic that ultimately keeps me clear, focused, and feeling supported.

WM: You’re a special correspondent and co-producer on Lemonada Media’s new podcast Call For Help, which discusses the new 988 hotline. What should people know about 988 when it comes to its potential and areas for improvement?

ZW: The whole idea that someone can call 988, knowing that it’ll be focused around mental health support, is incredible because of the options prior. Of course, you had great, great experiences like the Crisis Text Line, the Suicide Lifeline. But many people just knew to call 911, right? And when you call 911, the first orientation is gonna be a law enforcement response relating to mental health, and we don’t want law enforcement responses for mental health.

The challenge is there’s a stigma around these hotlines. So far, at this moment, an impression a portion of the general public has is that there’s a great potential for a law enforcement response. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The vast majority of calls will be focused around mental health support. If someone is a danger to themselves or other people around them, then what’s gonna happen is a request to transfer to 911. So you’re not going to [always] need  to be transferred.

Navigating the mental health support system through a hotline is something that’s going to be a work in progress for a while. But I think the starting point is one of compassion, empathy, and focus around care.

WM: What is a stigma around suicide that you think we as a culture need to dispel and move past?

ZW: We need to dispel the stigma around suicidal attempts and suicidal ideation. When we’re in crisis, we need to feel comfortable being vulnerable. Often in many cultures—American culture included—there’s a whole premise of the tough guy or this strong woman who suffers in silence. I think we as a culture need to start understanding the strength in vulnerability and understanding the opportunity [to build] up resilience through being open. That doesn’t happen overnight. This is something that requires time and focus, but with the right approach, I think that we can really improve our personal ways of managing stress and crisis through being vulnerable and ultimately finding resilience in that vulnerability. That’s what I hope for.

WM: The topic of suicide is something that is close to your heart, as your father passed from it. What’s something you learned about yourself or mental health while grieving your father?

ZW: One is that service is really healing. I always like to say service is my path to happiness. The term that I’ve found to really resonate with me is post-traumatic growth as an opportunity to support myself and love myself. And through that, ultimately show up for others. I learned that my capacity for healing and taking care of myself is far greater than what I initially realized. I learned that feeling broken is not a permanent state; you can heal. And I learned that my experience was not an isolated one; there are so many people who are experiencing similar things. Having the opportunity to connect and share my story [helped me see] that as a society, as a set of communities, as a culture, we need to start understanding that we’re not in this alone. Our human experience should not be an isolated one.

WM: What mental health guidance has helped you as someone who lost a loved one to suicide?

ZW: Don’t feel like there’s a set timeframe around grieving. That’s one element. The other thing that was really helpful is just keep showing up, you know. Keep on showing up for yourself. That’s something that is extraordinarily valuable for me, personally.

WM: What helped you open up about your mental health? 

ZW: The goal is to find ways in which you can share and be open. Not every situation, not every relationship is one where you can be open and you’re instantly gonna get the value validation that you need or want. That needs to be understood. I think sometimes people get really turned off by the false start [of], “I opened up to an individual, and in turn, they hurt me, potentially emotionally, potentially otherwise.” But [it’s] really finding ways in which you can locate safe spaces and then building upon that. I’m very comfortable speaking with anyone about what I’m experiencing at this point, but it took me several years to get to that point. 

WM: Right. Not everyone will be able to support you or be as open as you want them to be, and that’s OK too. 

ZW: It can be challenging in the workplace or with families, even with friends. You know, people are at different stages of openness and permissibility around a lot of these topics, and stigma exists. Stigma, at its core, is a collection of biases. We develop biases over the course of our life, [and] they were generally developed to serve us in some way—to protect us, to bolster us up, to isolate us from people that we might feel are dangerous or toxic. 

What I’ve learned over time is that those protection mechanisms were useful for me when I was traumatized, when I was feeling maximum anxiety, when I was depressed. But over time, it became less and less useful as I started healing. Certain biases exist, and they continue to exist, but as you start identifying what they are, you can break them down over time.

There are strong biases that might be valuable for us, like fear of spiders. Then there are biases that are really not useful, like fear of mental health or mental health dysregulation. That’s less useful for me at this time. 

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Zak Williams Shares What Helped Him Grieve His Father appeared first on Wondermind.