Pro Tips Link Copied 08.21.24

Triggered? Here’s How to Deal

911, what’s your emergency? BySam Brodsky

In the year 2024, the internet has had its way with the term triggered. It’s well-traveled territory for mental health TikTok and has been memed to the point of losing all meaning. Alas!

But this term is one mental health pros and the psychological community at large (including the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-5-TR) have used to describe people, places, or situations that remind you of traumatic moments you’d rather forget and/or spark all kinds of mental health symptoms.

Whether you were already well-versed in all of that or not, here we asked therapists for more intel on what triggers are and what to do when they arrive.

What are triggers?

Generally speaking, a trigger is a “stimulus that elicits a reaction,” according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Like we said, these can be people, places, things, or situations that set off unhappy memories or emotional responses. 

Sometimes the call is coming from inside the house, meaning those triggers are internal thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations. For example, your heart pounding during a workout could bring you back to a time when you were scared for your life, says trauma psychologist Ayli Carrero Pinedo, PhD. 

Other times, things in your environment—a song, a smell, or the way someone looks—can be external triggers, reminding you of a traumatic event and/or causing an emotional reaction, like anxiety, panic, and depression, says clinical and forensic psychologist Dawn Hughes, PhD. Same goes for holidays or anniversaries, adds Dr. Carrero Pinedo.

Whether the trigger’s within you or around you, sometimes you can’t identify it in the moment, says Dr. Hughes. All you know is that you feel out of control.  

When we’re triggered, we feel intense and overwhelming emotions, memories, or physical feelings or we react impulsively, says clinical psychologist Abigail Percifield, PsyD. Though you might name-drop it casually with something like, “This botched salad order is triggering my trust issues,” that’s not quite right. “I see the term triggered being misused to describe when somebody is feeling bothered or uncomfortable,” Dr. Carrero Pinedo explains. But if you don’t feel overwhelmingly bad or out of control, it’s not the same as being triggered, she adds. 

That said, pretty much anyone can be triggered. You don’t need to experience trauma or have a mental health condition to be set off by something inside of or around you. Your neighbors loudly fighting can make you feel overwhelmingly anxious for no apparent reason. The weeks leading up to Father’s Day could make you feel depressed. A scene in a book could flood you with memories that make it hard to concentrate.

Still, if you have a mental health condition or survived something traumatic, you might be more likely to face triggers, says Dr. Percifield. For instance, someone dealing with a substance use disorder might feel triggered at a stressful family reunion and crave a drink, she says. Someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) might be triggered by an intrusive thought about germs in their apartment and feel the uncontrollable need to wash their hands, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. And people with post-traumatic stress disorder could feel triggered when something reminds them of a traumatic moment, says Dr. Hughes.

How to deal when you’re triggered.

No matter your situation, here’s what to do when those triggers infiltrate your life so you can feel better and move on faster. 

1. Acknowledge that your feelings aren’t facts.

When you’re triggered, you can feel like you’re in danger just sitting in your living room. Triggers are fun like that. So telling yourself that you’re being triggered but you’re still safe can disarm whatever’s freaking you out, says Dr. Hughes. 

You’re basically telling the panicked part of yourself that things are actually OK; you’re just going through a tough moment right now, and it will pass soon. That might even help those feelings resolve. You’re also gaining a sense of control when you feel very out of  control. 

2. Ground yourself. 

Once you’ve consciously established that the situation you’re in isn’t as dire as it feels, you can start to turn your attention to the present moment. “When you’re focusing on something else besides the trigger, you’re decreasing the initial overwhelming response that you had,” Dr. Carrero Pinedo explains. That reinforces the idea that you’re gonna be fine, even if you’re panicked (or whatever you’re feeling) right now.

To get more present amidst a freakout, turn to anything that feels soothing. You could quietly repeat, “I am safe,” to yourself; name the current day of the week or year; or put on some hand cream that smells good, suggests Dr. Hughes.  

There’s also the trusty 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Mindfulness exercises like this put the spotlight on your senses, which helps you shift out of your head, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

3. Move around. 

If you find that being triggered makes you feel physically frozen or stuck, doing the opposite can remind you that it’s safe, says Dr. Hughes. By rebelling against what your triggered brain wants, you might be able to shake off that response. You’re sending the message that you’re in control; your fears are not.

It could be as simple as wiggling your toes and fingers or walking to the bathroom, Dr. Hughes says. Do whatever feels easiest and build from there to snap out of it. 

4. Detach from your thoughts.

Sometimes when you’re triggered, you get stuck in your thoughts, says Dr. Percifield. You might catastrophize about all the things that could go wrong in the future or get caught up in a traumatic memory. 

When that happens, the first step is to ask yourself, “Are these thoughts telling me anything useful or important right now?” says Dr. Percifield. The answer is often no. That little step starts to create some distance between you and the mental chatter that’s upsetting you. That takes the power away from those ideas, making you feel less bothered by them.

Of course, that’s not the only way to get some space from the stuff bubbling up in your head. Here are some other strategies that can help you detach from your unhelpful thoughts, according Dr. Percifield:

• Imagine your thoughts passing by as leaves on a stream, words on a news screen, drifting clouds, or floats in a parade 
• Describe the thought, like, “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough”
• Sing your internal dialogue
• Write the ideas on paper and re-read them as an objective outsider
• Visualize putting your thoughts into a container

A quick aside: If you’re finding it hard to separate yourself from your thoughts like this, it might just mean you’re too overwhelmed and grounding techniques (like some of the ones above) might work better in the moment, Dr. Percifield notes.

5. Hold yourself accountable. 

Because being triggered is overwhelming (and we’re only human), we can react in ways that we might regret later. Maybe you snap at your coworker, throw your phone across the room, or make a scene at Starbucks. That can lead to feeling ashamed, which sets off a cycle of more negative emotions, says Dr. Percifield. And that’s not ideal when you’re already feeling a lot of uncomfortable stuff.

But, if you take accountability for what you did when you were triggered, you might be able to move forward faster and use new coping skills down the line. “It also fosters a sense of personal agency, acknowledging that, even when we’re triggered, we still have the power to make choices about how we respond,” Dr. Percifield explains. 

So, if you acted out, apologize, Dr. Percifield suggests. If you relapse, call someone who’s supporting your sobriety, she adds. Whatever you gotta do to repair the harm done and grow from the experience is fair game, she says.

6. Work with a therapist. 

It might be obvious, but being triggered can impact how you function in your daily life. Maybe you can’t concentrate at work, you’re sleeping like shit, your reactions are harmful to yourself or others, or your mental health has been tanking for a long time. Any of that can really mess with your day-to-day. If you can relate, that’s a sign you’d benefit from working with a mental health professional, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

There are lots of different ways a therapist can help you manage your symptoms and develop coping skills to get by when stuff goes down, but that will depend on what you’re dealing with. 

For example, if you have OCD, exposure and response prevention (a kind of exposure therapy) triggers your compulsions with the guidance of a mental health pro. Then, they’ll help you find new ways to manage those urges, explains Dr. Carrero Pinedo. This can help you slowly get used to your triggers and respond differently. 

If you’re experiencing triggers related to something traumatic, trauma therapy, like EMDR or narrative therapy, might be useful, says Dr. Hughes. These modalities can heal your trauma, ultimately eliminating triggers over time, notes Dr. Percifield. 

At the end of the day, “you are worthy of a nervous system that is calm and that is going to allow you to thrive,” assures Dr. Carrero Pinedo.

The post Triggered? Here’s How to Deal appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 06.26.24

17 Actually Helpful Tips for Dating While Sober

From people who get the struggle. BySam Brodsky

Maybe you stopped drinking because you couldn’t shake the hangxiety, or you didn’t like Drunk You, or your dry bank account begged for a Dry January. And while making that choice is a really big, important, and impressive step, it can be a lot if you’re currently single and dating.

For starters, you’re not wrong if you feel like alcohol is never not  served where dates happen. And that’s not ideal if you’re trying to avoid it or don’t trust that you can when it’s on the menu.

Then there’s the whole judgment and rejection thing. Will the person you’re going out with be cool with your sobriety? Will they be freaked out by the reasons you’re not drinking? Those questions can also make sober dating extra intimidating, says psychotherapist and licensed clinical alcohol and drug counselor Jason Berenberg, LPC, LCADC.

Going into a date without a buzz might also mean feeling less confident, sexy, or flirty than you would after a glass or two, explains Tawny Lara, author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze, who’s been alcohol-free and in recovery since 2015. It’s a lot harder to relax in the presence of a new person without that liquid courage, you know?

So, yeah, sober dating is not for the faint of heart, but it might also be better than you expected. Here, we spoke with therapists and sober daters for the things that helped them or their clients feel good and make meaningful connections minus the booze. Take what works for you! 

1. Know your limits.

“If you’re someone who doesn’t drink, then it’s up to you to determine what your limits are when it comes to dating. Can you be around alcohol socially without compromising your values or sobriety? Can you kiss someone who has alcohol on their breath? Can you date someone whose lifestyle revolves around drinking? Each person will be different.” —relationship therapist and dating coach Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST 

2. Don’t settle for disrespect.

“Sobriety is a huge part of my identity, and I’m very comfortable talking about it. But if someone surrounds themself with drinking and doesn’t respect your own sobriety, it won’t work. It’s not a good fit, and it’s not worth rolling the dice with your life.” —Jay D., 43 

3. Bring up your sobriety right away.

“I don’t drink because of mental health reasons and because I’ve found that the comedown from drinking alcohol is not worth whatever buzz I experience in the moment. In the past, telling people that I didn’t drink while we were making plans to meet up for a date eliminated any in-person awkwardness. They’d go into the date knowing where I stood. Most people were like my now-wife, who said it was no big deal when I told her. But, in the rare instances where there was pushback, that red flag saved me a lot of time and energy.” —Lilly P., 27

4. Add your sobriety status to your dating profile. 

“Over the years of sober dating in New York City, I’ve tried putting ‘sober’ on my dating app profile, waiting until we DMed to tell them I’m sober, or telling them IRL. Putting ‘sober’ on my profile was the most efficient route for me. I didn’t like wasting my time or my date’s time only to find out that they don’t want to date someone who doesn’t drink.” —Tawny Lara 

5. Make a list of booze-free activities.

“If you’re asked out for drinks and you don’t want to be around alcohol, you can suggest an alternative like a coffee shop or walk. Make a list of these non-alcohol dates—it never hurts to have ideas prepped that don’t revolve around drinking.” —relationship therapist and dating coach Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST 

6. Focus on connection. 

“Being in an alcohol-free setting might give you time to build rapport with someone new before you bring up your sobriety. There’s no risk of alcohol becoming a distraction.” —psychotherapist and licensed clinical alcohol and drug counselor Jason Berenberg, LPC, LCADC

7. Do something you already know you like.

“January 2024 was my eighth Dry January, and I’ve done a number of Sober Octobers, Sober Septembers, Dry Julys, and consecutive months in between. If you’re worried that sober dating won’t be fun, pick something to do that you are genuinely interested in. Go to a yoga or HIIT class that you know you’re going to enjoy. If you’re dying to check out an art gallery, food festival, or some sports game, suggest that to your date. You still might find out that the person  isn’t super fun—that’s a sucky thing that can happen—but at least the activity will be great.” —Hilary Sheinbaum, author of The Dry Challenge and Going Dry: A Workbook

8. Speak up when you’re uncomfortable. 

“When you reevaluate your relationship with booze, it’s helpful to establish boundaries with dates who still drink. For example, if kissing someone with boozy breath is a turnoff or makes you rethink your sobriety, you could say, ‘Would you mind brushing your teeth before we have some sexy time? The smell of whiskey is a little triggering for me.’ If you’re uneasy about going to a restaurant that serves alcohol, you could be like, ‘I’d rather not eat at restaurants that serve alcohol right now. How about we try that new frozen yogurt spot for dessert after I cook dinner?'” —Tawny Lara

9. If you need to, date someone sober (or sober-ish).

“Personally, I avoid dating somebody actively struggling with addiction because it jeopardizes my own sobriety. But it’s a personal decision. Many successful couples thrive despite having different relationships with alcohol—one may drink socially while the other doesn’t. That said, a sober person might find it challenging to be with a heavy drinker. If this would make you uncomfortable, find a partner who shares your views.” —substance abuse therapist Junie Welsh, LPC-MHSP temp, LADAC II, CAADC

10. Find a confidence boost elsewhere. 

“If booze helped you feel more confident before a date, try texting a selfie of your date-night outfit to the group chat. Those fire emojis will give you the feel-good boost you need to get out the door.” —Tawny Lara

11. Remember that it gets easier.

“I was 26 when I got sober because I had a really problematic relationship with alcohol. The dating scene was tricky to navigate because not drinking was a lot more unusual six years ago. The first sober date is always terrifying, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. My first one was ironically at a pub! I definitely struggled to make conversation. Now, I’m way more prepared with questions ahead of time just in case my mind goes blank.” —Millie Gooch, founder of Sober Girl Society 

12. Give nonalcoholic drinks a shot.

“There are some amazing nonalcoholic options these days. Free Spirits has canned cocktails that are great for tailgating or pregaming, FLUÉRE has amazing spirits for mixing and muddling during at-home date nights, and Do’Mo has zero-proof elixirs for picnics or the beach. And if you’re looking for places that serve nonalcoholic drinks, you can use the Better Without app.” —Hilary Sheinbaum

13. Try ~the apps~.

“Meeting people in real life while pursuing your own hobbies or interests is a great option, but there are several sober dating apps out now or launching soon. A few are Loosid, Club Pillar, and Drybaby.” —Tawny Lara

14. Focus on learning more about the person you’re with.

“As a psychologist who often works with clients struggling within the dating scene, I see that it’s common for many people to use alcohol as a social lubricant. But I encourage people who want to rely less on substances to go on a date with the mindset that they’re just trying to learn more about a stranger, even if the relationship doesn’t go anywhere after that. Topics like travel, ‘would you rather’s, embarrassing memories, and two truths and a lie can all be great icebreakers.” —clinical psychologist Cynthia Shaw, PsyD

15. Calm your dating nerves in other ways.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling nervous—it’s part of the process. But there are a lot of ways to calm your mind and body without substances. Personally, I find a cold plunge or cold shower helpful for getting me out of that fight or flight mode. Having a friend on the phone for support before the date can also help manage stress.” —substance abuse therapist Junie Welsh, LPC-MHSP temp, LADAC II, CAADC

16. Remember why you stopped drinking.

“People (at least the ones you should probably date) are attracted to others who have the strength to make positive life choices. By the time I started dating in sobriety, I was turning my life around and was proud of myself. I wasn’t ashamed of mistakes I made in my past, and I knew I added positively to society. I know my wife never would have dated me if I drank like I used to, and, even though she isn’t a recovering alcoholic, she respected me for my decision to better myself. Confidence in sobriety is sexy. Try not to hesitate when you talk about it.” —Jay D., 43 

17. Embrace the present. 

“One of the wonderful things about being sober and dating is that you have a clear head, which means you’re able to be more present with the other person. Dating sober also lets you recognize if you and the other person are compatible more quickly—and alcohol isn’t influencing whether you think you mesh well. It is more than possible to enjoy dating and build meaningful connections without booze!” —substance abuse therapist Junie Welsh, LPC-MHSP temp, LADAC II, CAADC

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 17 Actually Helpful Tips for Dating While Sober appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 05.23.23

12 People Get Candid About Living With Addiction

If this hits close to home, you’re not alone. ByJay Deitcher

If you’ve ever consumed literally any type of media, you’ve probably been flooded with ideas of what it’s like to be an addict (looking at you, Skins and Charlie Sheen interviews). In pop culture, people with addiction issues are often portrayed as sexy, creative, and tragic all at once. You typically see stories of addiction reduced to one-dimensional cautionary tales of drug or alcohol use gone bad. Other times, addiction is glamorized as the vice of brilliant, creative people, like in nearly every biopic where a white male character falls from grace one moment and drafts a killer song the next.

In reality, addiction can look different for everyone. In my early 20s, I started using alcohol and sleeping pills to cope with the anxiety I struggled with since I was a kid. I stopped leaving my childhood bedroom and started cracking cans of malt liquor in the dark, afraid to go outside. When I used, I wanted to be that hot drunk rockstar, but I was more like the fried egg brain from the Partnership For A Drug-Free America PSA. (Yep, in my case, they were kind of on to something with those ads). 

My life revolved around the first sip each day: a flash of fire blazing through my veins, making everything alright for just a moment. As much as I wanted to turn back, I was hooked on alcohol for years and felt trapped by shame. “Many people still view addictions as simple habits that can be stopped at any point,” says therapist Jennifer Covarrubias, LMFT, clinical director at the Mental Health Center of San Diego. But, for many, addiction of any kind (even porn addiction) is a form of coping that helps people survive. And choosing to be sober can become a daily battle, she adds. “That lack of understanding perpetuates the cycle of shame and stigma surrounding addiction.”

Through the years, I began a cycle of relapses, with brief stops in hospital detoxes, and I quickly lost faith that I could ever get sober, telling myself, “Why try?” This lack of hope seeped through everything in my life: jobs, relationships, family. 

In 2006, at the age of 25, I finally gave sobriety a shot, accepting that I had no clue how to live life sober but could no longer survive drinking. I sought support in self-help groups, but it took years away from pills and alcohol before I was able to brush off my shame and hopelessness and recognize my potential.

As someone recovering from substance misuse, reading or seeing more nuanced portrayals of addiction—and different types of addiction—could have helped me feel less alone sooner. And, for the people who care about me, these honest addiction quotes might’ve helped them get a better understanding of what I was going through before I was able to explain it myself. That’s why hearing the stories of people who actually know what addiction is like can be so crucial for generating more compassion and empathy around this mental health struggle.  

Here, 11 people who faced different kinds of addictions share their journey and what the road to recovery looked like for them.

1. It was fun—until it wasn’t. 

“When I first got into gambling in my early 30s, I loved sports already, so it seemed like an awesome source of income. A lot of people don’t understand how fun gambling addiction is. It’s fun to circle games in the newspaper that you’re gonna bet on. It’s fun to delude yourself into thinking you have an edge. But eventually, it overtook my free time. My friends and I would be out with our girlfriends, and we’d be staring at a TV in the corner of the bar, not talking to people. I’d sneak to the bathroom to check scores. I’d wake up each morning and immediately pore over results. It got so consuming that when I was visiting my dad who was in the hospital for cancer surgery, I ducked out to the hospital’s public computer to place bets. On top of that, I was losing. I waited longer than I should have to say, ‘this is enough,’ but when I was around 34, I finally quit and did not look back.” —John B., 56

2. Pain relievers made me feel like a better mother. 

“I was prescribed pain relievers to recover from a C-section, and in addition to helping the pain, it helped relieve some of the symptoms from my postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. About seven months later, I was in a completely different mental state. I was depressed and anxious and suicidal and homicidal. And when I was diagnosed with endometriosis, doctors gave me more pain relievers, and it just made everything seem a little more bearable. I felt like the pills allowed me to be a better mother because I felt better about myself when I was taking them. The drugs didn’t get rid of my depression and anxiety, but they made my mind feel calmer, so life felt manageable. 

Although my son was always my priority, I also had a job to find as many pills as possible. That meant I did embarrassing, horrible things like invite myself over for a playdate in order to search another parent’s medicine cabinet.

This past January, I celebrated seven years sober. Life has still been difficult, especially when I lost my sister to suicide in 2018, but I didn’t need opiates to get through. Instead, I tapped into therapy. I’ve been on medication to support my mental health, and I try hard to be present and to savor the moments I have with my kids.” —Jen S., 45

3. I ate when I wasn’t hungry. 

“I had received mixed messages growing up from my mother and my grandmother, who would tell me I had to eat, but I couldn’t eat too much. I have been put on diets since the time I was born. I felt completely unlovable, and the only solution that I had for that shame was eating. 

After my food addiction worsened, I developed high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and diabetes. My doctor wanted to put me on medications, and I had adverse reactions to those medications. Then I found a community of others working on their food addiction, and for the most part, they helped me learn to eat in a much better way. I also discovered a newfound love for working out. Maybe it’s replacing one addiction with another, the way someone replaces drinking with going to Alcoholics Anonymous, but exercising has provided such quality to my life.” —Joan P., 63

4. I was missing out on real connections. 

“As soon as I felt sadness or anything other than elation, I would find somebody to flirt with. Sex and love addicts can have unhealthy relationships, and we can create drama to escape negative feelings. When I’d meet someone I was attracted to, I’d get a jolt, like a cattle prod. I would assign magical qualities to them, and the moment they didn’t live up to that fantasy of being there for me all the time (texting me back instantly and all those unrealistic things we put on other human beings), the high wore off, the butterflies dispersed, the bottom would drop out, and I would see the real person. It was like the drug was gone, so I’d think, Who’s my next victim?

When I hit my bottom, I thought, Am I going to be on my deathbed having never fully connected to another person? I realized I was going to do this forever, and I decided I couldn’t.

There’s so much shame around being a sex and love addict, especially as a woman, but I refuse to have shame over this. Today, I’m fully connected to everyone in my life. I’ve been happily married for 18 years, and I have a son that I show up for 100% emotionally with clear boundaries. I have stable relationships with my family of origin. I have no one in my life that causes drama. I am free from the bondage of my own making. It’s a beautiful way to live, no longer using other people to complete me. I’m whole.” —Brianne D., 41

5. I sought validation on Twitter.

“When I was younger, I would have panic attacks when I didn’t have access to the internet. One day, I was away from a computer all day, attending school, visiting Ellis Island, and going to a doctor’s appointment. I was in three states in one day, and I freaked out in public because I was unable to get online. 

As a millennial and someone with autism, I get a dopamine rush from trying to speak with celebrities on social media. I often feel like I am one click away from talking with a famous movie star. … A celebrity messaged me once when my mother was dying from cancer to offer me well wishes on Twitter. Now, I’m constantly trying to repeat that interaction. Growing up with a disability was hard, and pop culture allowed me to escape. Getting validation from the people I idolized seemed to bring me into their worlds. Today, I focus on relationships with people who are part of my real life.” —Jennifer R., 26

6. I was in survival mode. 

“I grew up uber-privileged in Laguna Beach and Newport Beach, California. But all of that privilege never protected me from being molested as a child. At age 15, I began selling my body for sex—not that I needed the money, but that’s the way that trauma energy began to come out. I also became addicted to cocaine, going into survival mode. And at the same time, I became an overachiever, attending New York University and becoming a journalist. 

Eventually, I found myself getting high in the parking lot of KTLA 5, the station I worked at in Los Angeles. One night I overdosed and was found nearly dead behind a dumpster. I was in a coma for about a week. The staff wanted to call my friends and family to come to the hospital, but no one knew about my drug use. I wasn’t ready to face that reality. 

I walked out of the hospital, walked down Hollywood Boulevard, found my truck, and got high. In a matter of days, I overdosed again and ended up in the same ER, with the same team of doctors. I was shown a lot of empathy and compassion by a frontline nurse who made me promise to attend an AA meeting when I got out. My recovery journey began that day.” —Brandon L., 43

7. I was going to hurt myself or someone else.

“My mother told me to stay off the streets and not to use drugs, so I used alcohol. When you start drinking, it’s hard to believe that you could become an addict. You think because you are just having fun and everyone drinks that you will never end up like whatever drunk stereotype you concocted in your head. But once I started drinking, I didn’t want to stop. 

To fund my addiction, I started stealing credit cards and counterfeiting money orders, selling them on the black market. After getting busted by the cops, I planned to end my life to avoid the consequences. I drank two bottles, but I couldn’t do it. 

Instead, I went to a drug program. I felt like I had no other options. I needed help. I was going to hurt myself or hurt someone else. When I got to the nurses’ station, I spoke up, saying, ‘I have a drug and alcohol problem.’ Vocalizing that was part of the healing.” —Douglas C., 58

8. Smoking decided my relationships. 

“Smoking was way harder to quit than alcohol. Smoking permeates every aspect of your life. Your relationships are based on who you are smoking with next to a dumpster, and you have nothing in common with them except you are addicted. What’s really crazy is you don’t know how to interact in social situations when you don’t have a cigarette in your hand. 

Everyone knows how dangerous smoking is, and yet we continue to smoke anyway. I wouldn’t drive without my seatbelt, but my chances of dying while smoking are much higher than having a car accident. After 47 years away from smoking, I don’t even think about it anymore. Unless there’s a smoker sitting in front of me.” —Allen S., 73

9. I craved the rollercoaster of emotions. 

“From age 14, I always had a boyfriend, and it was fabulous and fun. It wasn’t until I got older that I recognized that I’m addicted to that high you get from being in love and [going through] love’s ups and downs. Sometimes when you’re upset or fighting, you feel more alive, so I would go off the deep end over anything I felt was a slight to trigger that adrenaline. 

I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, but eventually, I met a great psychiatrist who [helped me]. … I did the work in therapy and treatment, and it rewired my way of relating to others. Patterns can be broken, and mine was.” —Gwen S.*

10. I had no choice but to use. 

“When I first got sober in 2008, I looked for recovery books to help me, but I never found any that were written by a woman who looked like me. And any Black woman’s story that I found included drug dens and prostitution, which are really important stories to tell, but don’t reflect my experience. From the outside, my life looked enviable. I was the parent association president at my kid’s school, and I was throwing dinner parties. But inside, I was dying.

I think there is a misconception that people choose addiction over something. The misconception might have been that I chose addiction over my children, yet if I had had any say in the matter, I would have chosen my kids over and over and over again. The addiction tricked me into believing that, without drugs, I was going to die. I understood fully that the longer I continued to indulge, the worse the pain would be when I gave it up. And yet, I was so terrified of the pain that I kept going.” —Laura C. R., 58

11. Rock bottom looked different than I expected. 

“What I’ve learned through my personal experiences and through the experience of helping others is that rock bottom is when you decide to put the shovel down and stop digging. My bottom was an emotional rock bottom. My whole family had stopped talking to me. Friends had cut me off. I was alone and looking for a way out. I was thinking about ending my life when, at that exact moment, I received a phone call from my mom telling me she wished I was home for Christmas. It helped me recognize a reason I needed to get sober, because I wanted my family back in my life.” —Pravesh P., 27 

*Name has been changed. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 12 People Get Candid About Living With Addiction appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 02.27.23

10 People Share Why They Quit Drinking and How It’s Going

Before I got sober, it would have helped to hear other’s stories, so I could know it was possible to live life without a drink. ByJay Deitcher

The past few years drove many of us bonkers. Cloistered away during the pandemic, lots of folks turned to booze. But others decided to cut back or stop drinking completely. Dry January and Sober October aren’t just popular hashtags—they’re alcohol-free streaks that an increasing number of people really do. According to the food and drink research firm CGA, in 2022, 35% of Americans over 21 took January off from drinking. Some picked up again in February, but tons decided to keep the ball rolling.  

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, over 14 million Americans struggle with alcohol use disorder, the fancy-schmancy term for alcoholism, or a pattern of excessive drinking that’s hard to stop despite the negative impact it has on your life. But not everyone who quits does it because they fell on their faces. Some folks stop because they don’t like the taste. Others do it for financial or health reasons. Some people stopped bar-hopping during the pandemic and realized they didn’t actually miss it. 

When I used during my late teens and early 20s, I felt as if everyone drank, but that was because I surrounded myself with folks whose lives were seemingly bigger messes than mine. I couldn’t face being around people who drank rationally or didn’t drink, because that would force me to look at myself in a way I wasn’t prepared to.

After seven years spent dropping in and out of college and destroying relationships with my family, two visits to my local drug and alcohol detox facility, and one failed rehab stint, I somehow graduated from college with a sub-2.0 GPA. Days before I turned 25, I was suddenly expected to get a “real” job and become a functioning human being. My parents—who I lived with and who paid my car insurance—threatened to yank the carpet out from under me. I had no clue how to live life sober, and I couldn’t survive on my own drunk.

I got sober with the help of other recovering alcoholics, and I still surround myself with other ex-drunks today, though I also have tons of buds who drink. Today, I have 17 years sober, and I’m actually pretty good at this life thing. I still make mistakes, but I don’t make the same ones over and over again. I repaired the relationships with my family, and even started a new family of my own, with crazy cute babies who I spend tons of time with as an at-home poppa.

Before I got sober, it would have helped for me to hear other folks’ stories, so I could know it was possible to live life without a drink. So, whether you’re thinking of quitting, cutting back, or just looking for some validation in your own sober journey, these stories from people who chose to stop drinking might help.

1. A dream told me to quit.

“I kept waking up in the middle of the night because I was hearing my name called in my sleep. It was super freaky. The final time, clear as day, I heard, ‘Stop drinking.’ My first response was, ‘I don’t drink that much as it is, but whatever.’ And then on my birthday, a few weeks later, I wasn’t necessarily planning to drink, but of course people insisted. All I had was two drinks, maybe three, but the next morning I was just completely debilitated with a hangover. I couldn’t function.  So after that, I was just like, ‘You know what, I’m just gonna go ahead and listen and not drink anymore.’

Not to say that I will never have one again, but the hangover was enough for me. At one point in my life, drinking occasionally did provide some sense of pleasure. That just hasn’t been the case lately. And I’ve seen benefits of quitting. I save money. There’s a clarity that comes with not drinking. I also don’t have to worry about either being a designated driver or being cautious enough to navigate my way home safely, because I’m not impaired in any way.” —Jordyn W., 31

2. I watched my friends going into careers and starting families while my life was out of order.

“I couldn’t keep jobs. Couldn’t keep a home. I watched all my friends going into careers and having families, and I didn’t want to live in chaos anymore. When I first got sober nine years ago, I was worried I couldn’t have fun without having a drink, but I realized I could go anywhere and, if people were drinking, I had no problem just saying I want a soda. There’s been very few people who have questioned me, saying, ‘Why don’t you drink?’ My response is always that it just doesn’t agree with me. Today, I can travel the world and actually remember my vacations. I feel like I’m enjoying things at another level.” —Maggie G, 59

3. I realized I wasn’t going to grow out of drinking.

“My uncle was a big drinker. He had gone in and out of detox a few times. On New Year’s Eve 2011, I drank with him for the first time openly. I saw how his family treated him differently. He couldn’t handle basic tasks after he got liquored up. I looked at him and realized that was going to be me. My drinking was already spiraling. It made all the choices in life for me. It picked my friends, my job, my girlfriend. I had minor car accidents. I had some arrests but didn’t have to do prison time. I was on probation, so I couldn’t travel. Every day was Groundhog Day, more chaos.

I got sober on January 2, 2012. I don’t know if it would have been possible without my awesome friends in recovery. Early in sobriety, I went on a lot of road trips, traveling to young people’s recovery events. I went on boat cruise parties where we circled Manhattan. I went to castle lock-ins for Halloween events. Going to really fucking cool sober events helped me get used to dancing sober and talking to girls sober and road tripping and vacationing sober. Now I have more than enough experience so I can go to a regular music festival or bar sober to listen to a band. I’m experiencing a human experience the way it’s meant to be lived.” —Andy B., 31

4. I watched my son go to rehab.

“I used to drink on occasion, but I made the conscious decision to quit in 2016 when my 17-year-old son went into rehab. I felt I needed to support him in his sobriety journey and be a model for him—model for all my kids, really—that you can have a good time without the influence of anything. A few years later, in January 2020, my father, who wasn’t an alcoholic, died of liver cancer. When he passed I couldn’t imagine taking another sip.

Today, it’s not so much about my son’s sobriety anymore. I can’t control his journey, but in a world where we have so little control over so many things, I have full control over my drinking.” —Amy D., 49

5. I broke into an insurance agency.

“I didn’t really plan to get sober, but then I got arrested for breaking into an insurance agency in a blackout when I was 23. I can’t remember why I did it. An organization called Honor Court in Albany, NY, advocated for me to avoid jail because I had an alcohol problem. They sent me to Alcoholics Anonymous where I found out I didn’t have to drink again. Over 20 years later, I haven’t had to make up my mind about never drinking again, but one day at a time I choose not to. I haven’t been arrested since I stopped drinking, and that’s cool. I’m able to relax a bit too, which is good stuff.” —Dan J., 44

6. I wanted to break the cycle in my family. 

“I don’t drink because I don’t want any of my future children to go through what I went through. My dad used alcohol as a crutch his entire life, and it killed him. His dad was an alcoholic too, and I want to break the cycle. I don’t think I got to the point where I depended on it, but in high school, after one of my friends died, I started using alcohol to not deal with things. I recognized where I was going to end up, so I haven’t drank since I was 18.

People often push drinks on me, saying, ‘Come on. Just have a drink.’ If I say no, that should be enough, but instead I often have to explain why I quit. Then they apologize, but why does it have to get to that?” —Ashley H., 34

7. I couldn’t be myself without a drink.

“As a kid, I didn’t really notice how my dad’s drinking affected my family. But as I got older, I started rethinking my whole childhood, realizing that his drinking is why he missed visitations, and his drinking was why people spoke negatively about him. Two or three days after he passed, when I was 26, it clicked with me. I accepted that I couldn’t go out and be myself without having a drink. I had a mentor who once told me, ‘If you are hanging out with a roomful of losers, expect to be a loser. If you’re hanging out with a roomful of millionaires, you will eventually be a millionaire.’ And that resonated with me, so I stopped hanging out with people who only hung out at bars and stopped drinking myself. Today, I can hold a conversation and people take me seriously.” —Matthew H., 31

8. I couldn’t drink moderately.

“I quit drinking a year and a half ago because I didn’t have any other options. I tried moderating. I tried doing marijuana maintenance. I tried quitting on my own. I had been in an outpatient and inpatient psychiatric facility. Job issues didn’t get me to stop. Family and friends telling me I should cut down was not enough. Being homeless wasn’t enough. The obsession always came. All I could think about was the first drink.

Luckily, I was led towards a 12-step program. It connected me to a higher power that I can turn to no matter the situation. I met other sober people around my age who gave me a life outside of just meetings and work. It’s possible. There are a lot of great young people in the program.” —Sam D.*, 23

9. I woke up in jail peeing blood.

“I woke up one day in jail not knowing how I got there. I went to use the bathroom and I urinated blood. And then I thought to myself, There’s only one reason why you’re in here, and that’s because of you. After I got out, recovering alcoholics reached out to me. They told me how they stayed sober and I learned from their experience. So today, I share my experience with others. This past Saturday, I shared my story with people in jail.” —Lou A.*, 46

10. My anxiety was all over the place.

“During the pandemic, my drinking got out of hand in an insidious way. I wasn’t crashing my car. My kids were where they needed to be. So it went on for a long time because I never hit a wall. But I realized that every time I opened a bottle of wine, I was finishing it, even if I didn’t want to. I was waking up hungover daily. I was unable to do things at the gym that I had been previously able to do. My anxiety was all over the place, and I felt depressed. I realized, Oh shit, my drinking is bad and it’s gonna keep going. And then I started drinking again, because I’m a human.

It has been hard the past two months since I stopped. When something stressful happens, I sometimes want to go home and numb things with drinking. I feel like I should put up some sort of support around myself to stay away from drinking, but I haven’t.” —Becky K., 38

*Name has been changed. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 10 People Share Why They Quit Drinking and How It’s Going appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 02.08.23

Why You Feel Like a Ball of Anxiety the Day After Drinking

The annoyingly common experience is coming for your life choices (every single one). ByAshley Oerman

You came, you drank, you woke up sweaty at 5 a.m. with racing thoughts including (but not limited to) that overshare with your boss last week, the online order you need to return, and how much money you spent last night. Welcome to hangxiety (hangover + anxiety) hell, friends. This perfectly named phenomenon is not a clinical term, but it refers to the super common experience of feeling anxious several hours after your last adult beverage. 

Sure, this can be correlated with what scientists and college kids call “blacking out,” since not remembering what you did last night and waking up to “Hey! Are you OK?” texts from your friends are solid reasons to feel hangxious. Still, you’re not imagining things if hangxiety seems to hit you after two glasses of wine at dinner or alone on your couch. (Not NOT sub-tweeting myself here.) 

As an active member of Club Hangxiety, I just want to take a sec to say that there are so many people out there feeling the same thing you are right now. In fact, I was just at a wedding where I had an amazing time, danced my ass off, and woke up with the sense that my people were probably judging me the whole time. QQ: Anxiety, can I live?!

So, yes, even though the comedown from a fun time can be super isolating and sometimes scary, it’s also normal. As evidence, experts explain why hangxiety happens, what you can do to prevent it, and how to deal when it pops up. Cheers!

What causes hangxiety?

There are a few reasons why this can happen to you. The first is a booze-induced chemical imbalance of sorts. As you sip, the alcohol in your dirty martini starts messing with some neurotransmitter activity in your brain. More specifically, it binds to gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), the neurotransmitter responsible for telling your nervous system to chill out, making your brain less sensitive to its calming effects. At the same time, alcohol also blocks glutamate, an excitatory neurotransmitter that essentially keeps brain activity up and energized, says addiction psychiatrist Collin Reiff, MD. So, to keep up, your brain makes even more glutamate. 

As you head off to bed post-happy hour, your system keeps producing way more glutamate (the energizing, stress-inducing neurotransmitter) than you need, explains Dr. Reiff. Meanwhile, GABA is basically out of office, so it’s not keeping glutamate in check the way it normally does when you’re sober. The result: Your brain’s excitatory system is in overdrive, making your heart race, your body temp rise, and your mind a blur of stressy thoughts and cringey memories from 7th grade homeroom. So fun for us. 

But wait! There’s more. GABA also happens to be a very important player in helping you fall asleep, explains psychiatrist Juan Romero-Gaddi, MD, founder of Equal Mental Health. Because it’s less effective at lulling you to sleepy town after you’ve been drinking, the quality of your Zs could be impacted, which can make you feel more on edge when you wake up.

If you drink a lot or have alcohol use disorder, the impact of all this brain chemistry can be way more intense, says Dr. Romero-Gaddi. Still, some people are just extra sensitive to the shift in these neurotransmitters, he adds. So whether you had one big night out or some casual cocktails, you could feel more anxious than usual.

Another unfortunate biological factor: The chemical mechanism that can make drinking feel so awesome might also make us feel shitty hours after we stop. Drinking, or just the thought of raising a glass, promotes the release of feel-good dopamine in the brain, says Dr. Romero-Gaddi. But there’s also a point where—no matter how many drinks you have—you can’t maintain the dopamine high causing the euphoric effect. 

Though the science is a little murky, in theory, sensing the difference between those first-sip dopamine levels and your baseline when you wake up might also make you feel anxious, he adds. If you’ve ever experienced the embarrassment of a 9 a.m. flashback to your hand gesture-y storytelling, despite being totally normal in the context of that dinner party you were at last night, you know this hypothesis checks out.

Hangxiety can happen to anyone, but a small study from 2019 suggests that people who are more shy might be more likely to feel anxious the day after drinking. For that study, researchers measured participants’ levels of shyness and social phobia before asking half of them to drink with friends at home (the other half hung out with friends while sober). The next day, researchers measured the participants’ anxiety levels and found that highly shy drinkers were more anxious that morning—even though they drank about the same amount as the less shy participants. Wild, right?

How can I make hangxiety go away?

This is a bummer, but the most important ingredient in a hangxiety cure is time. Your brain basically just needs a minute (or, you know, hours) to find that perfect equilibrium between GABA and glutamate again. 

That said, remembering that the life-questioning anxiety you feel the morning after a fun time likely stems from a chemical issue—and that it will pass—might actually help you feel better, says Dr. Reiff. 

This would also be a good time to lean into those anxiety coping skills you use when things feel out of control, says Dr. Gaddi-Romero. Maybe that’s taking your anxiety meds, going for a silly little mental health walk, or calling a friend for some co-regulation action. It might be harder to do the things you know work for you when you feel like shit, but they can help. 

If your anxiety comes with a side of physical symptoms like tremors and heart palpitations, that’s because you’re basically going through a mini-withdrawal. But if these symptoms (including the anxiety) last for more than 12 hours, head to the ER to get checked out, says Dr. Reiff. 

Otherwise, hydration, sleep, and food will help you recover and allow your brain to find its balance. Also—you knew this was coming—the next time you go out, try alternating beveraginos with water and sticking to two drinks or less total. 

If you think you might have an issue with alcohol, check out these worksheets from the National Institutes of Health to get to the bottom of that, or head to SAMHSA’s National Helpline if you’d like to talk to someone about it. 

The post Why You Feel Like a Ball of Anxiety the Day After Drinking appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 11.30.22

Everything You Need to Know About 988

The suicide prevention hotline got a glow-up, but how’s that going? ByCarina Hsieh

This past summer, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which was first established in 2001, transitioned to a new, easy-to-remember number: 988. The goal was to make support for suicide and mental health crises more accessible, but the refresh brings up lots of very good, super important questions. 

Maybe the most pressing Q (besides, what is 988?) is, who is 988 even for? Well, anyone in the United States and American territories experiencing emotional distress or a mental health or a substance use crisis can call 988. So can family members and friends who want to help a loved one in those situations, says mental health expert Elliot Pinsly, LCSW, president of the Behavioral Health Foundation. That’s because 988 staff are trained to help people thinking of self-harm and people who are experiencing behavioral health issues—not just suicide—Pinsly says. 

Ultimately, the aim of making 988 a thing is to reduce the stigma of reaching out for help, says therapist Kiana Shelton, LCSW. Just like a lot of people wouldn’t hesitate to call 911 if their house was on fire, the creators of the hotline don’t want you to feel ashamed or think twice about calling 988 if there’s a mental health situation that needs de-escalation. (Of course, if someone needs immediate medical attention or someone’s life is in danger, you should call 911.) 

How does the 988 hotline work? 

Just like the old number, the new one provides 24/7 access to trained mental health crisis counselors (and translators for more than 240 languages, if you need one) via the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 

Texting 988 will set you up with the same services via text, which might be more accessible and discreet depending on your situation. Oh, and if you use a teletypewriter (TTY), you can use your usual relay service or call 711 before dialing 988. 

Who’s on the other end of the call? 

The 988 network is made up of more than 200 call centers that are staffed by trained volunteers and paid crisis counselors, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 

When you call or text, the staff could also transfer you to a line that’s dedicated to serving veterans or people who speak Spanish, if you want. There’s also a 24/7 phone line for people under 25 who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. As of now, the 25 and under LGBTQ+-focused text and chat hours are limited to 3 p.m. ET to 2 a.m. ET until these lines are fully staffed up. 

If you’re not looking to speak with someone who has one of those specialties, you’ll chat with a local center. And if they can’t accept your call, you’ll be transferred to the national network where you can talk through whatever’s on your mind. (The 988 website also hosts a ton of info and resources for specific communities, like people with neurodivergence, suicide attempt survivors, Black people, Native Americans and Alaskan Natives, and disaster survivors.)

A thing worth noting: Even though 988 has training tools and resources for every call center, training isn’t standardized across states—yet. That means until legislators nail down a standard curriculum that’s used across the country (coming this fall, per the 988 FAQ page), each center will use their community’s needs to develop training programs. But don’t let that freak you out. “Generally, 988 call takers receive evidence-based suicide prevention training at minimum,” Pinsly adds.

How confidential is 988 really?

First, if you’re worried about your call to the suicide prevention hotline showing up on your phone bill, keep in mind that it could happen depending on your phone company. 

Otherwise, calls and texts to 988 are confidential-ish, per the Federal Communications Commission. The hotline can see your area code or IP address, which is what they use to try to connect you with a local call center, but you don’t have to give them any personal or identifying information to get help. And (FWIW) any demographic info the counselor requests from you can only be used to keep you from hurting yourself or others and to help lawmakers spot areas for improvement (e.g. if they need a bigger budget to be better at serving an area), Pinsly says. 

Unlike 911, 988 can’t geolocate or “trace” your call for emergencies, according to 988’s FAQ page. However, if the trained counselor thinks you might be at risk of hurting yourself or others in that moment—and the de-escalation process isn’t helping—they may ask for your location (or try to use your area code or IP address) so they can send law enforcement and an ambulance. 

In that case, the counselors can also give local law enforcement your phone number or IP address if they think it’s necessary to get to you. That said, the counselors are trained to only call first responders and police when someone needs to be rescued, says Pinsly.

Also, the 988 administrators assured users in their FAQ section that they do not sell or share data related to 988 calls or texts, which is definitely a win.

Regardless of counselors’ best intentions, it makes sense if you’re still skeptical of a service that can send law enforcement—who aren’t always trained in mental health—to wherever you’re calling from (especially for historically marginalized and over-policed groups).

So, is this even helpful?

Yes! While calling 988 is no substitute for ongoing care from a licensed mental health professional (which, true, are still hard to find and/or afford), the new number can definitely help people “stay safe, formulate a plan, problem solve, and get connected to ongoing support in their area,” Shelton says. 

In August 2022, incoming calls, texts, and chats to the Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotline were 45% higher than in August 2021, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). Plus, the hotline now known as 988 cut down the average time it took for a call to be answered from more than two minutes to about 42 seconds, per HHS.

Over time, 988 could also help destigmatize mental health care and make it easier for people to remember who to call when they’re going through a rough time. Here’s hoping! 

The post Everything You Need to Know About 988 appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 11.22.22

How to Deal if You’re Not Drinking This Holiday Season

Step one: Find your people. ByJay Deitcher

The holiday season can be brutal—especially if you’re taking a break from booze or quitting for good. That’s because holiday parties and other festivities are often dripping in alcohol. Back in the day when I used, I would find myself on week-long binges between Christmas and New Year’s, simply because I had too much time on my hands. 

Not drinking during the holiday season can often feel like you’re the only sober lifeform in the universe. And, if you’ve built your world around alcohol, odds are your relationships and memories are tethered to the bottle. You may not even remember past Decembers without memories swirling in snow and liquor. 

Cravings can cut into you out of nowhere but, as someone who has been there, I want to emphasize that it’s possible to get through this. “If you’ve made it through one, you can do it again,” says Natalie  Feinblatt, PsyD, a psychologist and the author of The First 90 Days of Sobriety: Recovering from Alcoholism: A Guided Journal. 

Luckily, you aren’t alone in this journey. Here are some of the tools that aided me during my first few holidays in sobriety.

1. Be open about your decision not to drink.

“It’s a lot easier to stay accountable and feel supported if other people know that’s what you’re trying to do,” says Dr. Feinblatt. She recommends finding a friend you trust and telling them: “I’m really trying to stay sober for the time being, and it would help me to know that you are aware of that, supportive of that, and can maybe help me navigate somebody offering me a drink.”

If the person you tell gives a reaction that isn’t understanding, “that’s probably not a person that you want to rely on,” says Dr. Feinblatt. 

When you do find someone who supports you, lean on them. Bring them as your plus one to any holiday events you attend so you have someone on your side.  

2. Remember that you don’t have to hit up every party.

“Some people are really convinced that there are certain events that they have to go to,” says Dr. Feinblatt. “I’m one of those people that thinks you actually don’t have to go to everything.”

Triggering a craving is just not fun, so don’t force yourself into situations that set you up to think about booze. Your sobriety is more important than any party. A supportive family will understand why you can’t attend Christmas dinner. (Maybe you can visit them on a day when alcohol isn’t being served.) 

Instead, treat yourself to a movie, eat some ice cream, bake a cake, read a comic, watch Curb Your Enthusiasm, visit a sober friend, take a nap, sculpt a pot, whatever works for you. 

3. Use “no” as a complete sentence.

Turning down a drink with confidence is badass. Most folks will accept your decision without any pushback, says Dr. Feinblatt. “If you do run up into somebody who starts to give you a little bit of grief, that’s really more about them than it is about you,” she says. 

If it feels easier, you can always lie about why you aren’t drinking. Tell people your medications can’t be mixed with alcohol or that you have an early morning to prepare for. 

4. Figure out what to do with your hands.

Instead of standing around twiddling your fingers at parties; grab your favorite alcohol-free beverage. Sip a seltzer, ginger ale, Shirley Temple, or mocktail. You might as well enjoy yourself, and it can help alleviate people offering you drinks. “Most people aren’t going to say ‘What are you drinking?’” says Dr. Feinblatt. 

5. Dip out whenever you want. 

“Leaving is a coping skill,” says Dr. Feinblatt. If you feel uncomfortable at an event, just tell the host something important came up and make your exit. If you have to leave immediately, just hit the door. I’m sure the party will do okay without you.  

6. Double up on meetings. 

If you are someone who attends a support group, whether it be Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, or any of the others, it might be a good idea to double up on meetings in the near future. 

During the holiday season, the amount of meetings skyrockets, and there are 24-hour “Alcathons” in most cities, or sober events that run from Thanksgiving into Christmas, through New Year’s Day. Going to meetings regularly can help teach you coping skills and reinforce that “you are not the only person who is not drinking this holiday season,” says Dr. Feinblatt. 

7. Volunteer. 

The holiday season can be lonely, so if you’re feeling down, search for volunteer work, whether it be at an Alcathon, food kitchen, or nursing home. “It’s not going to involve drinking,” says Dr. Feinblatt. “It’ll put you around people, and it’ll [involve] being of service. And that will typically, at the very least, make you feel a bit better about yourself.”

8. Appreciate those overprotective family and friends.

During your early days of sobriety, friends and family may be overprotective of your sobriety, especially if they’ve seen you at your lowest. They might witness someone offering you a beer and bellow from across the room, “She doesn’t drink!”

Instead of getting defensive and confronting them in the moment, Dr. Feinblatt recommends pulling them aside and saying, “You know, mom, dad, I really appreciate your support. But it’s important for me to build the muscle of turning [alcohol] down myself. Because you won’t always be there.”

Today, I’ve exercised this muscle so much that the holidays don’t phase me. My coping skills are just routines at this point. After I got sober 16 years ago, six days before I turned 25, I no longer had the bottle to fall back on, so I was forced to learn how to survive. Today, I do pretty decently at this whole life thing. I have a job I love, hobbies I enjoy, and a family who trusts me. I’ve built a social circle with a wife and kids and friends who support me and love me. I have a lot to celebrate this holiday season—I just do it without alcohol. 

The post How to Deal if You’re Not Drinking This Holiday Season appeared first on Wondermind.