Pro Tips Link Copied 05.28.24

6 Common AAPI Mental Health Stigmas—and How to Unlearn Them

As a licensed therapist from the Philippines, I get what you’re going through. ByAlyssa “Lia” Mancao, LCSW

By now we’ve all heard the phrase “mental health matters,” and it does… But do we, as a collective, really know the specific mental health obstacles that manifest in our different cultural communities? The truth is that we can’t heal what we don’t acknowledge. For many in the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) community, talking about mental well-being has been discouraged for generations, leading to many of us internalizing negative beliefs that jeopardize our confidence, sense of self, happiness, and maybe even our connections with others. As a licensed psychotherapist with a background in treating Asian Americans and as an immigrant from Cebu, Philippines, I understand personally and professionally where the various stigmas in our communities come from and how they influence us. 

The reluctance to openly discuss mental health within AAPI communities is largely due in part to mental struggles being viewed as a weakness, as a negative reflection of the family, and something that will compromise our collective success and health. A lot of these beliefs are rooted in the concept of filial piety, which is the idea that our worth and usefulness is tied to our ability to care for our family, especially our parents. (JFYI: Filial piety stems from China and Confucianism, and this family unit emphasis can be found across various Asian, Pacific Islander, and Islamic societies.) 

This commitment to your people isn’t a bad thing, but it can be taken to the extreme. If a mental challenge interferes with your ability to support your kin, then that sense of worth and usefulness can *poof* and disappear, which can hurt your mental well-being even more. 

For the record: It should go without saying, but the AAPI community is not a monolith. Our differences span across ethnic groups, languages, and immigration experiences. Still, there are shared cultural pain points that many of us can relate to, and no one group is immune to mental health struggles. We need to heal, and we need specific guidance that resonates with our cultural identities in order for that healing to be impactful. 

If you don’t know where to start, I’ve got you. Here are six common stigmas and pressures within the community that we need to challenge and unlearn so we can get closer to our best, most authentic selves. 

1. That struggling with your mental health makes you weak. 

Circling back on the filial piety of it all. Within the AAPI community, it’s often believed that having mental health issues is a poor reflection of the family line and interferes with your ability to care for one’s relatives and community. To be blunt, that messaging is inaccurate. Mental challenges don’t always relate to anything your elders did or didn’t do, and they don’t always negatively affect other people in your family, like your siblings. Plus, when you take better care of yourself, you become more capable of helping others. You do not have to choose one over the other, and ignoring your well-being to solely care for others can be counterproductive. For example, suppressing how you feel doesn’t make your feelings go away. It only amplifies them and can lead to physical symptoms too, like chronic pain.

To get some distance from those feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment, try to approach your mental health with a sense of curiosity and compassion. You could do that by practicing affirmations like, “Struggling with my mindset does not make me weak or lessen my value as a person,” “I need to take care of myself before I can care for others,” or “My mental health journey is valid and worthy of respect and understanding from myself and others.”

Or you could even think about what it might look like to care for yourself and your family. Like, could you realistically go to therapy for one hour on Wednesday and take your mom to her doctor’s appointment on Friday or help your kids with their homework at night? It’s possible!

2. That you’re either too American or not American enough.  

Raise your hand if you feel like you don’t belong in any of the cultures you’re part of, whether that be where you currently live or where your ancestors are from. You know, that uneasy feeling that if you returned to your homeland, maybe you wouldn’t know the cuisine or language. And at the same time, you still don’t feel like you’re “American enough” if you live in the States, for example, because of the way you look, how your parents talk, or the foods and TV shows you like. This feeling of being culturally inadequate is a constant internal battle many AAPI folks face.

The dialogue that we have with ourselves and others matters. Instead of telling yourself that you are not enough or don’t belong, remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to exist within the community. The very fact that you identify as AAPI is qualification for being both Asian or Pacific Islander and American enough—your nationality does not erase your heritage. You do not need to do anything else to prove your cultural worthiness, even if there are people who try to make you feel that way with their narrow stereotypes. When you can begin to accept that you are culturally enough, then you can release the feelings of shame that says that something is missing within you. 

3. That your appearance is the most important thing about you. 

If you grew up in a home or culture where your body was openly criticized, where people had no problem saying you’re “too fat” or your eyes could be more almond-shaped, you are one of our strongest soldiers. Same if you ever had to endure the “your skin is too dark” and “stay out of the sun and buy skin whitening soaps” messaging, which is deeply rooted in anti-blackness and white supremacy, BTW. After years of having these POVs thrown at you (perhaps without anyone to call out how toxic they are), you can internalize them and end up being less than thrilled with your appearance and the features that make us AAPI peeps unique. 

Healing, in this case, looks like taking baby steps to embrace your skin tone, like sitting at the beach all day if you want to, for example. (Just bring SPF, cool?) Or maybe when you’re getting ready today, you can ditch the makeup that makes your eyes look wider. Whatever change helps you feel closer to your happiest, most authentic self is a good place to start. 

You can also learn to feel more confident by recognizing that body and beauty diversity exist, that our bodies don’t have to be shamed or critiqued, and that just because you look different from some strict, unrealistic beauty standard, that doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful too. Focus instead on what your body can do for you versus how it looks (think: your thicc calves help you hike your favorite trails) and you might start to feel more appreciative for your physique.

4. That speaking up for yourself makes you difficult. 

Back in the day, the pressure to assimilate to and be accepted by white American culture was a thing for many AAPI elders who were trying to get established in this country. This meant teaching their kids to not rock the boat, stay quiet, fall in line with what authority figures say, and essentially disappear so as not to cause trouble. AAPI communities were also seen (and often still are) as the “model minority,” which essentially pits us against other marginalized racial groups and perpetuates the idea that we shouldn’t speak up for ourselves or deviate from the status quo.

When we internalize the idea that we should stay quiet and keep our heads down, well, that can lead to unfortunate side effects, like AAPI folks being unlikely to seek mental health treatment or report crimes made against them, a 2022 crime study suggests. In 2020, reports of hate crimes against AAPI people increased, but the rates at which they were being reported was still largely under-estimated, the same study states. 

I encourage you to challenge this “model minority” messaging and ask yourself: “Who benefits from me not speaking up for myself?” Most likely, the answer isn’t you. Then, reframe this message with “I am allowed to have a voice and express my individual differences and preferences. By doing this, I am helping myself and future generations.” This mindset shift can help you seek connections that let you be you and also help you recognize that you are allowed to have your own voice and identity that doesn’t always mesh with assimilation. 

5. That your worth is tied to your education or career. 

The “model minority” myth strikes again with this one and can make AAPI people (and others) think that our greatest strengths center on our academic and white collar success. This is another racial stereotype that not only causes harm between communities, but also leads to feelings of inadequacy and shame if you deviate from the traditional STEM fields, kinda suck at those courses, or if you choose not to go to school altogether! But let’s be real: School and STEM programs aren’t for everyone, and no matter where you fall on the spectrum of academic performance, it’s not a measure of your worth as a human being. 

When you release the narrative that your life has to look a certain way, you release so much pressure and allow yourself to explore different paths and passions that diversify your life experience and our world. Plus, if you actually pursue what you like, you’ll probably end up a happier person than if you people-please your way through life. 

If you need an affirmation to go with this reframe, repeat after me: “My worth is not tied into my academic success, salary, or career choice. I am allowed to seek creative pursuits and my own passions, regardless of if I am good at it or if it can be monetized.” 

6. That setting boundaries with your family makes you disrespectful.  

Showing love, honor, and respect to your parents and ancestors is something AAPI culture has emphasized for a long time (remember the filial piety ideals?). But over time, the belief has evolved into the idea that being a dutiful child means being obedient and not challenging or going against anything your elders say. Yup, that includes begging to take drum lessons instead of violin. Or even saying you really hate how they discipline you, for example. If you do, prepare to be labeled disobedient or disrespectful. But if you can’t authentically express yourself, that increases the likelihood of experiencing stress and anxiety, losing your agency, and resenting your family. 

Luckily, it’s totally possible to have filial piety while also maintaining your individuality and sense of safety and self. Honoring your parents doesn’t mean dishonoring yourselves, and setting boundaries to protect your peace does not make you inherently bad. When you can recognize this and speak your truth to your family, you’re able to live in alignment with your personal values a little more. 

So, as you go forth and start to move and think in these new ways, think about what boundaries might help you out. Could it be pulling your parents to the side to say that you respect their opinion and want to enjoy your family reunion, but if they comment on your body in front of others, you will have to leave the family function early? Or maybe you lay out a map of your dream career that has nothing to do with STEM and explain how they inspired you or how this will help you honor your family’s legacy. While you won’t be able to control their response, when you try to merge your filial piety with what you want to do, you might be able to find a happy compromise.

The post 6 Common AAPI Mental Health Stigmas—and How to Unlearn Them appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 04.29.24

12 Self-Help Books That Are Actually Helpful for BIPOC Folks

Your bookshelf could really use these. ByJessica Estrada

As a self-professed self-help book junkie, I’ve read many—emphasis on many—books intended to level-up my life. And a lot of them quite literally did. To anyone who will listen: The genre is a great addition to any mental fitness routine. I stand by that. They bring self-awareness, actionable advice, practical tools, exercises, and thought-provoking journal prompts. With their help, I’ve been able to navigate life challenges, grow, and heal. Win-win-win. I love this for me. 

However. After devouring a few self-help books, I quickly noticed one major thing missing: inclusivity. Many self-help books don’t recognize, understand, or address the unique experiences and struggles that Black, Indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC) face. “There are nuances and stories that non-BIPOC authors do not have access to or cannot understand simply because they do not hold that intersectional identity,” explains Jenny Wang, PhD, a licensed psychologist and author of Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans. This, in turn, can make the reader feel invalidated, alienated, and like you’re not actually learning anything helpful. 

Personal growth books written by BIPOC authors can offer insights that are more relatable to BIPOC folks, which can make readers feel like they’re truly seen and less alone, says licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD. 

So if you’re looking for a new personal development book that gets what you’ve been through, these therapist-approved gems are all written by BIPOC authors and offer guidance that hits home in a way that’s empowering and validating.

The post 12 Self-Help Books That Are Actually Helpful for BIPOC Folks appeared first on Wondermind.

Highly Recommend Link Copied 02.16.24

11+ Mental Fitness Finds From Black-Owned Businesses

Adding to cart never felt so good. ByShannon Barbour

Whether your mental fitness routine looks like changing out of PJs for remote work, an at-home mani-pedi combo, watching comfort shows with your favorite blanket, or *Arnold voice* pumping the iron, there are endless ways to take care of your mind. And, naturally, there are tons of companies with products that can help support your mental well-being. 

In honor of Black History Month, we’re spotlighting Black-owned businesses and Black creators who continue to push the culture forward and offer a range of products that would be more than worthy of your dollars. Plus, when you shop Black-owned, you’re supporting entrepreneurs who are historically underrepresented and face greater financial burdens (like fewer bank loans, for starters) when getting operations up and running. And raise your hand if treating yourself always feels better when you’re more mindful about what communities you’re pouring your business into. It’s like a win-win! 

If you’re looking to beef up your self-care toolkit, these Black-owned companies and Black entrepreneurs have you covered with items that’ll inspire you to pamper yourself, tap into your community, get your finances in order, speak kindly to yourself, and more. 

For more Black-owned brands and businesses to shop, consider checking out the Fifteen Percent Pledge’s directory.

The post 11+ Mental Fitness Finds From Black-Owned Businesses appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.12.24

8 Uncomfy Things That Are Totally Normal to Talk About in Therapy

What you say in therapy stays in therapy. BySam Brodsky

It can be intimidating to divulge dark stuff you’d rather forget (like cheating or suicidal thoughts) to a therapist. But bringing up the random shit that makes you cringe, like the sporadic visual of you punching a baby, isn’t any easier.

It’s valid to feel weird (maybe even embarrassed) about disclosing all this stuff, but it’s a therapist’s job not  to judge you, says relationship therapist Erica Turner, LMFT. That means you can basically talk to your therapist about anything. “Our job is to literally hold your experiences without shame, without judgment, to remain curious, to remain empathetic,” she promises.

That’s cool and all, but, aside from the potential judgery, you might feel like discussing those dark or random things is pointless. Say you’ve been navigating depression with your therapist and aren’t sure if it makes sense to bring up your out-of-the-blue attraction to your best friend. Even if something seems off-topic or NBD to you, if it’s messing with the way you show up in the world or invades your brain more often than you’d like, your therapist wants to know about it. Worst-case scenario is they don’t feel equipped to address that particular issue and they refer you to a specialist who can offer more help, says certified sex therapist Donna Oriowo, PhD, LICSW, MEd. 

In case you need more convincing, we talked to mental health pros about the things their clients are often nervous to discuss but 100% can (and should) bring into the room. Consider this permission to let it all out, friends. 

1. Intrusive thoughts 

The uncomfy brain montage of you and a stranger making out? Weird! But, also, it’s normal. Bizarre ideas like that can pop into your head even if you don’t want those things to happen or truly have no idea where they came from, says psychotherapist Chris Trondsen, LMFT. And your therapist wants to hear about it—especially if it’s bothering you. 

When you broach the subject, you can be as specific as you want about the intrusive thoughts. If you’re uncomfortable saying them out loud, you can always write them down, suggests licensed therapist Jessica Shoflick, LCSW. If that’s still too much, just talk about how they’re affecting you so your therapist can help you deal, notes Trondsen. They’ll be able to remind you that you are not your thoughts and thinking something isn’t the same thing as doing it, he says.

2. Sex

Talking about sex can feel embarrassing as fuck. But therapists have literally heard it all, says Dr. Oriowo. Therapy’s supposed to help you create a life that feels good, and, for a lot of people, sex is part of that, agrees certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT.

If you’re still unsure, you can start by asking if sex is a topic your therapist is fine talking about, says Francis. For example, you can say, “I might want to ask you about some sex fantasies I’ve been having. Is that OK?” From there, if they’re down, your therapist can help you unpack it all. They might empower you to release the shame you feel, notes Francis. Or, they can help you figure out what to do about an issue.  

3. Race-based concerns

If you’ve experienced microaggressions or any other discrimination based on what you look like, you might be nervous to talk about it in therapy. Sometimes that’s because, in the past, someone told you that you’re being sensitive for calling it out or you internalized it as “not a real problem,” says Dr. Oriowo. You also may hesitate to bring it up if you think your therapist can’t relate, she says. 

Still, if you’re comfortable talking about it, a mental health pro can help you unpack the ways colorism and texturism impact your life and relationships, Dr. Oriowo says. “We have been taught that certain people should be devalued based on what the color of their skin is or what the texture of their hair is,” she says. “So in doing the work to unravel the messages that they have internalized about themselves and learning about beauty diversity, they can start to feel better about themselves.”

4. Cheating on a partner 

If Scandoval taught us anything, it’s that people hate cheaters. So it’s no wonder you’d be nervous to bring your own infidelity (not to be confused with ethical non-monogamy) up in therapy. Though, if you don’t, you might be missing out on some helpful or even healing insights from your mental health pro. 

To bring it up, you can start broad and let the therapist ask the followups, says Turner. They’re not going to boo you or refuse to meet with you ever again. They’ll help you get to the bottom of why you cheated, which could be seeking excitement or feeling disconnected from your partner, she notes. Whatever it was, they’ll help you explore that and what you want to do about it, she says. 

5. Suicidal ideation 

Having thoughts about not wanting to be alive is probably not something you’re thrilled to admit, but it’s intel your therapist will want to know. Depending on what you’re comfortable with, you can lead with something vague like, “I’ve been having suicidal thoughts,” or, “I’ve been thinking about not wanting to be alive anymore,” suggests Turner. Of course, you can be more specific with, “I wish I wouldn’t wake up,” but it’s ultimately on your therapist to ask what’s going on, she says. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get the words right.  

Your therapist will likely help you come up with a game plan for staying safe when you have those thoughts, aka a safety plan, says Turner. You might jot down friends and family who always know what to say or how to listen, things that calm you or distract you in the moment, or crisis hotlines to call, she explains.

A mental health pro will also help you suss out your triggers and how to deal, Turner adds. Instead of staying in a spiral, you might plan to go for a walk, journal, or talk to a friend. If your trigger is past trauma, your therapist can help you “bring your brain and body into the present so you are no longer reacting to the situation you already have escaped from,” notes licensed therapist Alo Johnston, LMFT. 

FYI: If you’re worried that bringing this up will result in a one-way ticket to mandatory hospitalization, here’s some helpful info on how to talk about suicidal ideation in therapy and what might lead a therapist to break confidentiality and act on your behalf. 

6. Abuse

Oftentimes people blame themselves or think their therapist will judge them for past or ongoing abuse, Turner says. You might also believe that talking about it will get the abuser in trouble, she adds. (Just so you know, elder and child abuse are typically the only cases of abuse that therapists are required to report, Turner says. Anything other than that would be breaking confidentiality.) 

Because of all of these complicated feelings, it takes a lot of trust to talk about being intentionally harmed physically, emotionally, or sexually, Turner notes. But when you’re ready to bring it up, do it in whatever way feels safe for you, she says. “Therapy, for better or for worse, is a place to bring your pain and to be seen as worthwhile and whole and to have someone hold possibility and hope for your healing,” assures Francis.  

7. Financial issues 

Money struggles can stir up tons of shame and stigma. That can make it difficult to talk to your therapist about financial problems, says Johnston. But therapy can help you process those hard feelings and confront the practical issues. Your therapist can also clue you in on what fears are stopping you from talking about money with other  people, like your partner, says Johnston. The convos might still be hard to have, but you can learn to manage them.

It can also be awkward to bring up your ability to pay for therapy with your therapist, says Johnston. But, instead of just ignoring it and ghosting when it gets too expensive, talk about it. See if they’re willing to work with you. You could say, “I don’t have a job anymore, but I’d like to continue seeing you. Can we work something out?” he suggests. It’s worth a shot!

8. Issues you have with therapy—or your therapist 

Sometimes a therapist might say something you don’t like. You might even feel like therapy’s run out of juice and isn’t helping you anymore. It can seem awkward, but a mental health pro can’t help you if you’re not being fully honest about how it’s going. 

When it comes to correcting their assessments, you can say, “By the way, that’s not what I meant,” or, “I actually think something else is going on,” says Johnston. If confrontation freaks you out, you can email your therapist rather than say this in person, says Dr. Oriowo. Or, you can try a “sandwich” approach, where you put your feedback between two nice statements, suggests Shoflick. That could sound like, “Hey, it’s been great having your support, but I feel X way when you say Y to me. I’m grateful for the space you’ve given me to be so open, but I wanted to tell you that.” However you give feedback, “this is an opportunity to address issues directly and try new skills with someone who wants to do that work with you,” Johnston says. 

You can also break up with your therapist if things aren’t going great or you don’t think you need them anymore. Usually, your therapist should be checking in with you anyway, and they know they won’t be with you forever, assures Dr. Oriowo. Use the last 15 minutes of a session to bring this up with something like, “I’m thinking about maybe not coming to therapy anymore. I’m feeling OK and don’t think that I need it,” she suggests. Then, you’ll probably chat about how you came to this decision and if this should be your final session, she notes. There’s no shame in saying goodbye!

The post 8 Uncomfy Things That Are Totally Normal to Talk About in Therapy appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 11.30.23

5 Mental Health Reminders for Indigenous Peoples in the U.S.

From a therapist who gets it. ByKathleen Chandler, LSWIAC

This time of year can be especially hard for Indigenous peoples in the U.S. From offensive school craft projects that rip off Native war bonnets to pervasive narratives of the “peaceful” relations settlers had with the Wampanoag Tribe that invalidate our grief, it makes sense if you struggle with reminders of your ancestors’ genocide. 

Listen, as American Indian or Native Alaskan (AI/NA) peoples, we’re blessed that our communities have carried our ancestors’ wisdom for countless generations, nurturing our spirits with traditions and customs that speak to who we are. But we’ve also endured unspeakable collective trauma over centuries, and that pain can be passed down if we don’t take time to heal. (You might’ve heard this concept described as intergenerational trauma or historical trauma.) 

As a licensed independent associate clinical social worker who specializes in intergenerational trauma and trauma therapy, I’m not new to this. I’m also a proud Red River Métis woman of the Historic Métis Nation and descendant of the Turtle Mountain Band of Chippewa who was raised in community on the reservation of the Tulalip Tribes of Washington (/tʊˈleɪlɪp/, Lushootseed: dxʷlilap) of the Snohomish, Snoqualmie, Skykomish people. So I understand that each of our tribes and nations are unique with their own customs and identities. 

I know how the mental health needs of Indigenous people are often overlooked, with ongoing disparities in health care access and income making it harder to get the support we need and deserve. 

Plus, mainstream resources often fail to understand the unique challenges we face and the nuances of AI/AN peoples. For example, Western culture centers on individualism and, in turn, shames AI/AN peoples’ interdependence. But our mental health depends on the health of Mother Earth, our families, our elders, animals, traditions, food, songs, and our ways of life. We cannot separate these things—and I invite you to feel proud that we do not.

If you’re part of this community and want to better your mental health and your community’s collective health, you’ll want to connect with resources that validate your lived experience on top of tapping into actionable tips that complement your culture. And I’ve got you covered. Read on for five ways you can center your mental health today. 

1. Nurture your connection to nature.

You’ve probably experienced how good it can feel when a cool breeze blows by or raindrops dot your forehead. More and more research suggests being in nature is good for us because it may reduce stress levels and increase happiness and self-esteem. But we don’t need research or scientists to tell us what we’ve known to be true for centuries. 

We are a part of nature, and nature is a part of us. We are designed to be stewards of our earth, and as we care for her, she cares for us. It can be tough these days with technology fighting for our attention and desk jobs galore, but we have to remember to get outside and connect to our environment whenever possible. 

Try it: Put your bare feet on the earth, and feel the sun warm your skin. You could even go on hikes, sit under a tree, watch the sunset, listen to the birds, or get dirty tending to some plants. If you can do nothing else on this list, you can start here. Find nature, and you’ll find yourself again. 

2. Reconnect with cultural practices. 

Our people have survived centuries of government policies intent on cultural suppression and assimilation, which directly relate to higher rates of chronic disease and poor mental health. But knowing our history and actively participating in the cultural practices we were denied can help us feel confident, become more connected to our community, and cultivate compassion for ourselves and each other. It may also help you heal from intergenerational pain. 

We are a living culture full of the wisdom and hurt of our ancestors and ancestral lands. And we are alive with creativity, love, power, and resilience. So tune into that by making new art, singing meaningful songs, performing dances, and learning all the traditions too. Stand proud as you honor your heritage, pass down customs, and breathe new energy into our way of life. 

3. Tap into your community. 

Most of us grew up hearing, “all of my relations,” right? For those who didn’t, it’s the idea that we are all connected—everything to everyone everywhere. This knowledge often feels like the biggest clash we have with Western culture, which emphasizes “individual” success and can make us feel like our way of life is somehow wrong. But let’s reframe and celebrate our close ties. 

Our success is communal and found in the strength of our relationships. Our friends are our cousins, our cousins are our siblings, our “second cousins” (what’s that?) are our nieces and nephews, and all of our elders are our aunties, uncles, and grandparents. We’re all related and inherently understand the importance of interpersonal relationships. Plus, we aren’t pushed to go out and make a name for ourselves in the big world, and that’s OK! Multigenerational living is a blessing, not a failure. You don’t need to live far away from home to have value. 

We also know our impact on the environment affects the whole world, and it’s OK to want to be a good steward of our land. 

Living in two cultures with such different value systems is hard, but you get to decide what works best for you. Regardless, know that connection to a community is vital to your well-being. Wherever you call home, whomever you call family, stay locked in as you give and receive love. This might look like sharing meals together, reminiscing on the good times, laughing together, getting curious about the inner world of your loved ones, and staying vulnerable by sharing the good and the bad in your life.

If you weren’t raised with your tribe or community, go and seek it out—it’s never too late to go home and learn who you are and where you come from. You could join ceremonies, attend a local powwow, reach out to a trusted shaman in your tribe or area, and seek out culturally competent health care providers to walk with you on this journey. 

4. Check in with your body and heart. 

Our ancestors knew the connection to our body, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors is sacred. Unfortunately, many of our recent generations endured so much trauma that it was too painful to stay connected to their body and emotions. 

It’s our responsibility to find our way back to ourselves, our ancestral knowledge, the great spirit, and all living things. Performing a body scan is a great way to check in with yourself. Start by finding a comfortable space, then bring your attention to your feet. Notice any sensations or tension. Take a deep breath and observe how each part of your foot feels. Then, slowly move up your body and repeat this process with every new part, like your legs, your chest, and your neck. 

If you notice an emotion during your body scan, pause and try to name what you’re feeling without judgment. Focus your attention on what the emotion feels like in your body, like nervousness manifesting in an upset stomach. Let the sensation exist while you continue to breathe slowly. This self-awareness practice can help you understand, accept, and take care of your emotions to promote overall well-being and an open heart. 

5. Find culturally competent therapists. 

If you’re Indigenous, you’ve likely felt the effects of historical trauma. If you or your family have a painful history, trauma-informed therapy can help reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder. Just to name a few benefits of this type of therapeutic work: It can help you learn effective ways to manage and regulate your emotions, gain insight into the impact of your experiences, foster self-empowerment, and reshape negative beliefs while improving your interpersonal relationships. 

If you want to try trauma therapy, search for an evidence-based modality, like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This type of therapy helps your brain reprocess those experiences and thoughts, reducing their emotional impact and encouraging you to move forward with confidence. 

Another therapy that’s aligned with Indigenous healing is internal family systems (IFS). IFS recognizes the interconnectedness of individuals with nature, community, and various parts of the self. IFS therapy encourages you to imagine your mind as a team with different members (called “parts”), each having its own feelings, thoughts, and role within the system, and helps you understand and work with these “parts” to foster self-awareness and harmony between them.

Regardless of the type of therapy you choose, the most effective tool will always be an excellent connection with your therapist. It can be hard to find therapists who are part of the AI/AN peoples community, but we exist. You can find some of us through your tribe’s resources, the Department of Health and Human Services’ Indian Health Service, or directories like Inclusive Therapists. If you can’t find an Indigenous therapist, ask other potential therapists lots of questions to make sure they affirm your identity, are open to learning, and work to decolonize their therapy practice. 

The bottom line: Our mental health journey is sacred; it’s a tapestry of culture, history, community, and connection to our planet. By getting back to our roots and taking care of ourselves and others, we become a part of something bigger. That sense of belonging tethers us to our greatest potential: a life well-lived—a life of purpose, beauty, and love. While our tribes may have different teachings, these principles transcend and connect us all. May we love and be loved in community with each other.

The post 5 Mental Health Reminders for Indigenous Peoples in the U.S. appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 10.10.23

Peloton’s Alex Toussaint Didn’t Realize He Was at Rock Bottom

Plus, the last time he cried. BySam Brodsky

I don’t want to generalize (OK, maybe I do), but anyone—literally anyone—who takes Alex Toussaint’s Peloton classes knows that mental health is his jam. He’s there to help you do a great workout on the bike, sure. But the vibe is more about inspiring you to push through difficult moments and feel all of your feels. 

Toussaint’s journey to becoming one of Peloton’s biggest mental health champions in 2016 wasn’t linear. There were grueling years in military school, a strained relationship with his dad, and moments of depression. “But all of that failure, that pain, that darkness, is useful if we make it so. It can become our superpower. I want to tell you the story of how I made it become mine,” Toussaint writes in his new book, Activate Your Greatness. 

Here, Toussaint talks more about overcoming rough times, embracing his emotions, and changing his mental health for the better through fitness. “I never realized how much joy, how much light, I was going to receive from moving pedal strokes that went absolutely nowhere,” he tells Wondermind. “But mentally and emotionally and spiritually, my mind went  somewhere.”

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WM: How are you doing lately?

Alex Toussaint: I’m amazing right now. I took time this weekend to let my body and my mind align. A lot of positive things in life are happening right now travel-wise, career-wise, and personally, so I’m just taking time to make sure I’m still present with myself. So as of today, I’m aligned and I feel great. Thank you for asking.

WM: What is one aspect of your mental health that’s still a work in progress? 

AT: I’m still learning how to disconnect to reconnect. I truly love the grind and love what I do for work, which is not really work—it’s life for me. So I get caught in the hustle from time to time, where I need to just make sure I disconnect myself from it. [I need to make sure] I put myself on the sidelines and just mentally recover and physically recover before life puts me on the sidelines. So just taking the proper recovery is something I’m still working on and will always continue to work on.

Because my life is so camera-facing and social media-oriented and based in human interaction, simply just being at my house by myself [is how I disconnect]. If I can’t get away to the nearest beach, I try to create an environment where I feel safe, where I disconnect unapologetically and feel present with myself. So I sit at home and isolate, in a healthy way, in my place of comfort, my place of love, and make sure that my cup isn’t just full, that it’s overflowing. What I do on a daily basis [means I have] to overflow into other people’s lives. 

[At home, I do] anything from cuddling with my dogs to watching Law & Order  by myself. I’m also very big on sitting in silence. I love sitting in my backyard and just taking the opportunity to be connected with Mother Nature, especially walking in the grass. My house is surrounded by trees, so I have the ability to walk into the backyard and completely disconnect from technology, social media, the teaching of classes, and interacting with people and be present with myself.

WM: You talk about depression in your book. Do you remember the first time you felt depressed? 

AT: I didn’t realize I was living in depression until I got to the fitness industry. I felt that I was in a dark space, but I didn’t understand what depression was. I didn’t have any information or the resources to even identify what depression could feel like nor seem like. I felt like I saw other people go through way worse levels of depression. So, for me, I wasn’t able to identify it, but, over time, when I was able to start moving my body, moving my mind, when I got into the fitness industry, it started to help me understand mentally that I was in such a dark space. 

It took me until 21 years old to realize I was going through depression, and I think there’s a lot of people out there who feel that same way and may not even realize it and think, This is how life is. … I never told myself I was depressed. I was sad and didn’t know it was full-on depression.

I’ve been in therapy since I was 4 or 5 due to family trauma. But I never understood that I was depressed. Nobody ever told me I was depressed. I never knew I was living at rock bottom until I started making my climb back up. Then, I was able to identify where I never wanted to go back to.

WM: Did anything help you deal with those feelings even if you didn’t know that’s what was going on?

AT: Fitness. That’s why I preach how I preach, and that’s why I’m so happy to do what I do for the last 11 years of my life. Moving pedal strokes has allowed me to move my mind, move my body, move my spirit. They say you attract what you are. Ever since I started in fitness and moving my body, I started to become way more of a light in my own personal life, which allowed me to track the light for others and be a light for others. So that was definitely that turning point, without question.

I try to remind everybody in my classes that I don’t teach for their body, I teach for their mind. If I can train this, the body will follow. [If you’re] confident up here and think different up here, you’ll open up new opportunities for yourself and find a new version of yourself along that journey. … That’s what we’re trying to preach every single day. 

WM: Are you still in therapy?

AT: I’m still in it because, now, it allows me to process my thoughts and also just be able to vent. Thankfully, I have a job that does feel like therapy. I’m able to get on a bike, truly be myself, and express myself whether I’m in a good mood or bad mood. My therapist allows me to connect the dots and the missing pieces when I’m not able to.

I’ve been in therapy on and off for 25 years of my life, and as my circumstances changed, so did my therapists. I moved. I went through different versions of who I was as a person. I would say find somebody that you’re comfortable with but also makes you think different. Don’t get too comfortable. 

WM: You sometimes get emotional during the classes you teach. If you’re comfortable answering, when was the last time you cried?

AT: Literally two days ago [laughs]. Two days ago in a crowd full of Peloton people at an event. My mother surprised me out of nowhere. My coworker, who was leading the panel, asked me when the last time I saw my mom was, and, in that moment, I was like, “I forgot to call my mom back this week, and I’ll probably see her in a couple of weeks,” and then she surprised me at my event. So I bawled in front of 110 people. … Tears of joy, period.

WM:  You say in the book that vulnerability is a taboo subject, especially for Black men. What has being vulnerable taught you about yourself?

AT: Vulnerability is ultimately my strength. I wish it was a lot more acceptable in our communities. So what I’m trying to teach within my classes at Peloton, being the first Black instructor and being able to have this platform, is to let other people who look like me know that your vulnerability is your strength, and once you tap into that, you find a new version of yourself and you become a lot more confident and sure of who you are. 

You become way more stable from a mental and emotional standpoint once you tap into understanding vulnerability is not a weakness. But our culture and our community has been taught not to cry, to toughen up. I’ve learned who I am through vulnerability, through movement, so I’m trying to help other people find themselves and the best version of themselves through that process.

WM: Do you think your family has gotten more vulnerable since you have? 

AT: They had no choice [laughs]. I’m the baby of the family, so if the baby is vulnerable and has that ability, it kind of shocks everybody, and I have to break through that core. It’s so beautiful to see everybody go through their own process of vulnerability because everybody becomes stronger at the end of the day.

WM: A big theme in the book is your strained relationship with your dad. Have you seen that vulnerability in him? 

AT: I think he’s gone through his own process of healing, and I’ve gone through my own, and I keep telling myself that it’s such a beautiful thing of bridging this gap of love, peace, and grace. When you find internal peace for yourself, it allows you to find peace for others … allows you to build that bridge. My dad’s going through his own evolution, and I’m going through mine. We’ve kind of met each other halfway along this journey, and now we have a clear runway of love without any level of resistance because of that vulnerability. 

Hats off to him. I know it’s way harder for him to go through that process than it is for me because that older generation hasn’t had those resources and tools to break through that shell. … Now I’m able to share my story with the world in an organic way due to the fact that me and my dad have this healthy relationship. It’s a beautiful thing.

WM: Gratitude is another subject that comes up a lot in your writing. What advice do you have for people who aren’t sure how to practice gratitude?

AT: The ability to wake up and be blessed with another 24 hours—that simple blessing is something you can count before you even touch your feet to the ground. If you count certain things in your life that you’re grateful for before the day even gets started, you start to identify … the things you do have versus the things you don’t have. 

Once you get into that flow, you start to identify throughout the day things that make you feel good, things that you accomplish, things that provide you a certain level of, Oh, I am worthy. I am great.

WM: What are you most grateful for today?

AT: I’m grateful for the fact that my mother flew up and surprised me over the weekend and gave me love. I knew I needed it, but I didn’t know how  much I needed it. It helped me just find a level of internal happiness.

WM: You help tons of people with your platform on Peloton and social media. What’s the best part about it? 

AT: The best part is doing it as myself. Waking up and just getting to be me is the best feeling ever. There’s no flip of a switch. There’s no costume. This is me. I’m thankful I get to be myself every single day. 

Second, I would say, as I continue to evolve and go through my own journey and my own trials and tribulations and my own evolution, I feel like I’m going through this process with a community of people that are moving with me, not standing with me. So when I look to my left and I look to my right, I’m able to see my colleagues who I’m inspired by—Tunde Oyeneyin, Ally Love, Jess Sims, Robin Arzón, Cody Rigsby—but then I’m also able to see their communities as well. And being able to share information, love, light, and experiences throughout that process is probably one of the best things ever because I don’t ever feel alone. 

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Peloton’s Alex Toussaint Didn’t Realize He Was at Rock Bottom appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 08.25.23

Amanda Seales Wants You to Know That It Is That Deep

The comedian opens up about dealing with her emotions and her new project, ‘IN AMANDA WE TRUST.’ ByShannon Barbour

We proudly stand with the WGA and SAG-AFTRA. As such, this interview does not focus on the promotion of any particular project that falls under the strike.

While all-around entertainer Amanda Seales is most known for her stand-up comedy, acting, podcasting, and ability to shut down trolls in record time, lately, she’s been channeling her energy in new ways. 

On August 18, Seales released IN AMANDA WE TRUST on Patreon. An independently produced political comedy documentary, IN AMANDA WE TRUST follows her through Washington, D.C. as she speaks to voters and politicians alike to figure out what some people care about the most and their impressions of our country today. And fret not: Despite the title, presidential campaign-inspired imagery, and the fact that the synopsis says Seales is on a “journey of curiosity to find out if she could or should run for political office,” this is not another case of a celeb who wants to take the White House. 

Ultimately, Seales is on a mission to encourage people in the U.S. to better understand the government and for everyone to become more politically active in their communities. “I’m very passionate about the reality that we as an American culture are not involved in politics from a place of knowledge,” she tells Wondermind. “It is oftentimes from a place of emotion, and that is not going to help us be active agents for change in the best way possible.” 

Part of that passion includes destigmatizing mental health and learning how political participation can create responsible policies that help those who need it access mental health care. And discussing these things with influential folks like Reps. Ilhan Omar and Jamal Bowman was also on her agenda.

Here, Seales opens up about her current state of mind, the best thing she learned from therapy, and protecting her peace. 

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WM: How are you doing lately? 

Amanda Seales: I have been compartmentalizing very effectively lately. That’s the best way to put it. There’s a lot of things going on simultaneously that are affecting my mentals in various ways, in extreme ways. Some things are frustrating, some things are just sad, and some things are incredible. That range can really throw you off if you’re roller coastering. So I’ve been really exercising my [coping] tools and my mechanisms as of late. … I’m actually doing alright because I’m dealing with it. It isn’t dealing with me. 

WM: What’s invigorating you right now?

AS: Putting out an independent project is very invigorating. There’s a sense of accomplishment even if people don’t like it. You get to kind of ride the high of: I did it! I did a thing! Then you get to look forward to the possibility that people even like the thing, you know? 

When your art is your job, you reach a point where you have to make sure to celebrate these moments or else you are just putting yourself in the same cog of laboring as the folks who want to get out of that space. 

WM: How will you celebrate this moment?

AS: I was gonna have a whole screening and blah, blah, blah. Then I realized I was doing that for other reasons than genuine reasons. I’ve been working on admitting truths to myself in an even deeper way. … I’ve been working on being a lot more intentional about things like, What are you actually doing? What are you actually intending to do here? 

And a lot of times, baby, [your gut] is telling you. When something is a challenge that shouldn’t be a challenge, 9 times out of 10, it’s because it doesn’t need to happen. It’s not really for you. So I was like, Why is this screening so hard to set up? Oh, because it’s not necessary. You’re doing it to be a part of the same type of hoopla that you don’t actually rock with. So now it’s gonna be at my house—for a quarter of the price!

WM: As someone who is very involved in political and social activism, and even as a creative who is on strike right now, I’m sure you encounter people or situations that try to make you feel less-than. How do you remind yourself of your worth when you’re fighting for progress?

AS: I’m kind of going through this epiphany moment right now where I feel as though I’ve been taking a lot of mediocre treatment… And I’m a bad bitch, you know? I’m just like, Wait, why have you been allowing that? I think as Black women in particular—not just creatives, not just people in the labor force, but as Black women—there’s this idea that we have to have a certain level of humility and modesty in order to be a lady, in order to be respectable, etc. But that humility and modesty gets beaten down into: I’m happy to be here. But I worked my ass off to be here, actually. No one handed this to me. So I’m coming into this space of: You earned this. You earned the opportunity to be in this space and be revered and have admiration for the work that you’ve done. 

So sometimes self-care is just the affirmation: You did this. You did this with your brain, with your thoughts, with your heart, and this wasn’t something that was just given to you on some platter. So pat yourself on the back. Then tell them they better pat you on the back too. … At the end of the day, there is a lot of meh and mediocre out here. So if I’m not showing up that way, I don’t want to be treated that way.

WM: What does relaxation look like to you?

AS: I’ve really been using my pool. That’s a very LA statement, but, yes, I’ve really been using my swimming pool. LA is one of these places where a lot of people usually get a pool just to have a pool. I’m like, we’re gonna be in this pool. We’re gonna be on the side of the pool. We’re gonna be on the slide into the pool. We’re gonna get a floaty shaped like a giant airplane. We’re gonna read on the floaty shaped like a giant airplane in the pool. I’ve been committing to that. 

And then when that’s not the case, self-care is playing Candy Crush and watching television at the same time. 

And if I’m being very honest with you, my number one source of self-care is shopping. Judge me if you want! And, by the way, it was shopping even when I didn’t have money. The retail therapy is like, We going to Ross. But it feels good. And I love clothes, and I look at them as art, so it feels like I am sprucing me up, like you would do if you were some rich, divorced debutante that’s like, “We’re gonna redecorate the house!” 

WM: You’re a very outspoken public figure, and sometimes it seems like people try to get a rise out of you or instigate a reaction. What helps you protect your peace in those moments? 

AS: I mean, some days I do not protect my peace in those moments. Some days they’re absolutely able to get to me. But I would say other days when I’m really feeling clear headed and light, the easiest thing that helps me protect my peace is knowing these people don’t know me. It’s almost like you gotta fly above that and look down and be like, Oh, this isn’t even about me. This is some tool or method that you’re using for whatever. Sometimes it’s a matter of trying to get money with a clickbait headline, but sometimes it’s just trying to make someone hurt because you hurt. Hurt people hurt people all the time. I know that may sound a bit elitist, but sometimes if I can step out of the tornado and then see the path of the tornado, then I can dodge a tornado’s path.

WM: What’s one of the best lessons that you’ve learned from therapy?

AS: Practicing the pause. If you’re a very hypersensitive person like myself, and you’re also able to identify your feelings very quickly, you can trick yourself into thinking, I need to respond immediately because I know exactly how I feel right now, and they’re gonna know how I feel right now too. But when you practice the pause, it allows you to just fly further away from something and see the bigger picture. Sometimes it could be something that’s antagonistic, but sometimes it could be an opportunity. And if you don’t have to respond immediately, it gives you a moment to process like, OK, what do I really want to do with this?

But we live in such a time of urgency and immediacy that it makes you think that you have to be. No, just give it a beat. Let it go through your nervous system. Let it take a ride or two or three before you spit it back out. That’s been really helpful. 

I also started seeing a reiki healer who I really, really love, and it’s a different kind of therapy. She said something recently that just was like, “Amanda, you have to stop trying to save people.” And I was just like, “Ugh. But also, why is it so bad to save people?” And she was like, “Because nobody needs saving. Everybody has what they need within them for them.” She saw my face, and I was inquisitive, and she was like, “Amanda, I’m not healing you. I’m feeling you.” Oh my god. I think that was such an epiphany for me because I immediately understood what she meant. She’s just bringing to light things that I already have and just giving me the opportunity to use them on myself. That’s different than saving someone. I’m gonna tell you as a 42-year-old person, trying to save someone doesn’t work.

WM: If you could go back and give your younger self some mental health advice, what would you say?

AS: You know what I would say? It is that deep. I have two sides of this. For my generation, when I was in my 20s, it was [the mindset of] “it’s not that deep.” So everything just gets displaced and dismissed. So you don’t deal with anything, but it’s dealing with you. You’re not really learning any mechanisms on how to handle things, and you’re not learning the language and the words for your emotions and what things are. So everything is just always being swatted away and pushed under the rug, but you’re feeling it. And it eventually comes to the surface because it was never acknowledged.

Now, if I were a young person in this generation, I would say that even if it is that deep, practice the pause. Because I feel like in this generation, it’s the exact opposite. It’s like every feeling, feel it to the fullest at all times. I work with a lot of folks in their 20s, and I feel like what also happens is they feel like they need to respond to every feeling with some type of action. And the thing about feelings is that even though they’re very real, some of them are real for, like, 10 minutes or even 10 days, right? So the pause allows you to really truly identify like, Is this real?  Is this something I need to put action to, and what is the proper action that I need to put to this? But if you burn the bridge before the pause, I hope you can swim.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Amanda Seales Wants You to Know That It Is That Deep appeared first on Wondermind.