Explainer Link Copied 08.22.23

What Is an Emotional-Support Animal Anyway (and Can I Get One)?

ESAs are not trained professionals, but they are adorable. ByKara Cuzzone

To state the extremely obvious, pets are the best. If you have one, you can probably name a bunch of times when they’ve made you smile, helped you out of a shitty mood, or reminded you to be more present. That’s basically the idea behind emotional-support animals—anecdotal evidence suggests that having a four-legged friend might have mental health benefits for some people beyond the delight that is hanging out with something cute (more on those specifics in a bit). 

That said, the concept of emotional-support animals (ESAs) has gotten a bad rap in recent years. After people started requesting ESA letters from therapists to do things like take a peacock on a plane (true story) or bring their dogs into grocery stores, emotional-support animals kind of became a joke. 

Still, the idea of adopting a pet in the name of improving your mental health is pretty tempting. But getting an emotional-support animal isn’t all snuggles and animal-assisted Target runs. Here’s what two therapists had to say about emotional-support animals and whether you should consider getting one. 

What is an emotional-support animal? 

An emotional-support animal is any animal that can help someone who’s emotionally dysregulated or dealing with mental health challenges, says therapist Kimberly Masterson, LMHC. That feeling of support typically comes from the fact that the animal offers constant companionship and unconditional love, she adds. 

For some people with an anxiety disorder, petting or snuggling with an ESA can interrupt anxious thoughts and help bring them back to the present moment, like other grounding techniques, says Masterson. For some with depression, ESAs can provide a sense of purpose, she adds. They might find it easier to get out of bed and establish daily routines knowing that they have a cat that needs to be fed or a dog that needs to be walked. And, no matter what mental health condition you might be dealing with, an emotional-support animal can also help you feel less alone. 

A while back, having a prescription for an ESA from a therapist could help you and your lil buddy travel and run errands together (or go to basically any public space that doesn’t normally allow animals). But in the last few years, lots of businesses—including some airlines—stopped giving ESAs special privileges, says licensed clinical psychologist Jessica Stern, PhD. So, unlike service animals (more on those in a sec), your pharmacy, dermatologist’s office, or local pizza place might not care if your cat is a prescribed ESA, even if you have the papers to prove it. 

That said, ESAs do count as a reasonable accommodation under the Fair Housing Act, which means that landlords have to allow them to live with you, even if your building has a strict no-pets policy. For that reason, Masterson says she only writes ESA letters for clients who need one in order for their pet to live with them. JFYI, some buildings require additional paperwork, fees, and application steps in order to approve emotional-support animals. So there’s that.

How are emotional-support animals different from service animals?  

Emotional-support animals are sometimes confused with service animals, but there’s a big difference between the two. Service animals are almost always dogs (but also sometimes mini horses) and they’re trained to do a task that’s specific to a person’s disability, according to the U.S. Department of Justice Civil Rights Division. Let’s say you have severe panic attacks. In that case, a service dog could be trained to pick up on your panic attack cues and bring you your medication when you’re unable to move. ESAs, on the other hand, have no specific service training—they’re essentially just a normal pet who happens to improve your mental health. 

While service animals are legally protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act, emotional-support animals are not, says Dr. Stern. Though the rules can vary by state, most of the time, service animals are allowed in places most pets aren’t, like restaurants and stores. Unfortunately, ESAs aren’t. 

Emotional-support animals are also different from therapy animals that you might spot in schools or hospitals. Therapy animals actually undergo in-depth training on how to provide comfort and interact with people outside their homes. After they pass their therapy classes (you’re welcome for this visual of dogs taking exams), they can work with professionals in settings like schools, nursing homes, or hospitals, explains Dr. Stern. 

Should you get an emotional-support animal? 

If you’re interested in an ESA, it’s definitely something you should discuss with your therapist. And if you don’t already have a therapist, you’ll want to find one who can help you decide whether bringing an animal into your life for this purpose is a good idea before adopting one. 

That’s because adopting a pet, even one you’re bestowing with the title “ESA,” can be really stressful and frustrating.  Even an emotionally supportive chinchilla or a bearded dragon can hit your finances, free time, and sleep hard, which can ramp up stress and anxiety for some too.

A therapist can also help you figure out whether getting an emotional-support animal could actually hold you back on your healing journey in the long run. Sometimes, people can become reliant on their ESAs and start to believe that they can’t cope with difficult emotions without them, explains Dr. Stern. For example, if you’re always relying on quality time with your dog to ease your anxiety, you may not be motivated to learn other coping strategies or make human connections. You might also totally panic if you’re faced with a situation where your dog’s not around. So, generally Dr. Stern recommends that clients try other therapeutic approaches before considering an emotional-support animal. 

Finally, if your mental health is interfering with you being able to take care of your own basic needs, bringing an ESA into that situation won’t be ideal, says Masterson. Animals need food, water, attention, and exercise. And you won’t be able to meet their needs if you can’t meet your own.  

The bottom line: While getting an emotional-support animal might seem like a fun idea, it’s a huge commitment that you should def discuss with a mental health professional first. Since most businesses don’t make accommodations for emotional-support animals anyway, keep in mind that this label may not change the way that you and your pet live your lives. And if what you’re really after is a service animal, you can find more information on the process and requirements for that here. 

The post What Is an Emotional-Support Animal Anyway (and Can I Get One)? appeared first on Wondermind.

Essay Link Copied 05.31.23

My Dog’s Anxiety Makes Mine Feel a Little Less Scary

We can do hard things—like be in the presence of Velcro. BySam Brodsky

I fucking love my dog. Casey—otherwise known as Casey The Dog, CTD, Little Dog, Chicken, Cheeto, and Little Miss Dog Ma’am Dimple Butt—is a Lab mix and the most beautiful baby dog in all the baby dog land (which she hears 100 times a day). She and I are kindred spirits. We’re excited by the world and by the people and things we adore. But, at the same time, the big, bold universe makes us anxious. Nervous as hell. Utterly terrified. You get the gist.

Yes, anxiety in dogs exists (the most common anxious trait among 13,715 dogs from one Finnish study was noise sensitivity, FYI). So you’d think  CTD would just be anxious about the usual suspects: fireworks (yep), thunderstorms (yep, yep), being left alone (she HOWLS, let me tell you). Casey, my distraught daughter, my pride and joy with her soft, quivering nose always nuzzled into the safety of my armpit, actually has a list of triggers that is much more comprehensive than that. 

Ready? Here we go: Motorcycles, thunder, lighting, fireworks, firecrackers, eggs frying in a pan, trash bags, paper bags, printers, vacuums, car motors, boat motors, leaf blowers, lawn mowers, bees, my fiancé yelling at the TV during football games, Velcro, the word “fuck,” power tools of any kind, blenders, aggressive wind, fizzy drinks, bubble wrap, a sound machine now collecting dust in my closet. 

The first time I remember her getting the Casey Shakes, as we call them, was when I put an inflatable donut-looking collar on her after she was spayed because I couldn’t bear to look at my poor puppy in one of those plastic cones from the vet. A loopy, squishy CTD plopped on the couch to sleep off all the stress, only to be overcome with fear moments later when she heard the scratchy sound of Velcro tearing. Her eyes bulged. She was a ball of shudders. If she had eyebrows, they would have definitely furrowed hard. 

Fast-forward over a year, I wanted to be proactive and buy her a ThunderShirt so that maybe, just maybe, she would be more comfortable in the car and not a nervous wreck in the back seat. Plot twist! The ThunderShirt came with Velcro. She was, in fact, nowhere near calm wearing the thing that was supposed to calm her. She was petrified.

Like I said, I love my dog. Her anxiety hits me right in the heart because I want her to be OK. And through my mothering, I’ve also realized that her anxiety teaches me a little bit about my own worries—the generalized anxiety disorder kind. There’s so much I’ve discovered from observing and comforting Casey, and, if you experience a rush of anxious thoughts too (or your version of Casey Shakes), I hope you’ll share in my lessons learned. 

Anxiety hates change, but change isn’t always so bad. 

After we moved, I brought Casey to her first vet checkup in our new town. As soon as she caught a glimpse of the entrance, she became a shaking, hyperventilating fur-thing on the concrete. We couldn’t even get up the ramp to the front door. Her nails were gripping the ground, and the whimpering! Oh, the whimpering. 

Long story short, it took me, two leashes, two vet techs, and a couple treats to lure CTD inside. She was bug-eyed and whiny, and the doctor still  called her perfect (as they should!). When it was all over, they prescribed her anxiety meds and told me to give her a dose two hours before our next visit and before things like fireworks.

Casey still shook at that next appointment and gave me a bit of pushback when we went inside—even on those meds—but she wasn’t as vocal about her anxiety. That said, I haven’t had to give her anxiety pills prior to an appointment since. In fact, she literally sprints to the vet’s front door now.

Watching my fur baby conquer her fear is a reminder that new environments can be terrifying, but they won’t be new forever. I try to remember this during small changes (like taking a different route the GPS suggests to avoid traffic) and big ones too (like starting therapy again).

Reassurance might not help anxiety as much as you think it does.

Whenever CTD is scared and I wrap myself around her to protect her from the real (and make-believe) threats, she shakes even more. It’s almost as though, by telling her everything’s going to be OK, I end up feeding into her anxiety and convincing her that things are actually very much not  OK.

This is something that my therapist drilled into my brain when we first met last year: Anxiety makes you want to seek reassurance—that’s why I used to Google any major or minor health symptom to confirm I wasn’t dying or ask my mom if she thought my headache was a tumor. But, what really happens is you feel good for approximately two seconds, and then anxiety comes knocking again, which, for me, resulted in more Googling or calls to my sister to see if her opinion about my head pain corroborated my mom’s.

Since my anxiety won’t stop craving control that it can’t realistically get given the fact that nothing is 100% certain, my therapist has encouraged me to sit in this discomfort. Yes, it sucks, but it also takes away my anxiety’s power and means less Googling and checking in with loved ones.  

Don’t get me wrong, I still give CTD all the cuddles and kisses when she’s scared, but it’s interesting to see that, in reality, it doesn’t really help as much as I think it will. Neither does seeking my own reassurance. I’m hoping that one day Casey will realize she doesn’t need reassurance from me—and I won’t need it from other people either. 

Anxiety tells you that you can’t handle shit, but you can.

What I’ve learned by watching CTD shimmy herself behind the couch cushions, make a shelter out of pillows, or flatten herself into a doggie tortilla when she’s worried, is that fear convinces her that she can’t face what’s scaring her. From anxiety’s point of view, she has no chance.

Sure, maybe she needs formal exposure therapy, but she confronts what she’s scared of all the time and makes it out on the other side. For example, she refuses to jump into the car and trembles uncontrollably when I encourage her with my squeaky voice to “Come on! Let’s go! You can do it! Get in!” but, eventually, we get to where we’re going. Eventually, I’ll open the door and let her out. Eventually, she’ll be all smiles again. 

Even if a car ride is scary for her, Casey gets through it. Every time. Even if she yelps when she’s left alone, I come back ready to cuddle. So, if she can do hard stuff, so can I, no matter what anxiety says. It’s inevitable that life won’t always go smoothly, but I am capable of figuring it out—more capable than I give myself credit for.

There isn’t an anxiety cure-all.

Remember CTD’s ThunderShirt? The one with the Velcro? The one that droves of people online swear works wonders for their dogs? Yeah, she’s enthusiastically  not a fan. But, this also confirmed something that my therapist has been telling me all along: The goal isn’t to get rid of anxiety. That’s an impossible task because it’s a normal emotion that thrives on uncertainty. You can’t stop anxiety from talking to you. What you do  have control over is how you handle anxiety when it comes up and how much attention you give it.

Casey’s ThunderShirt is definitely not going to cure her anxiety, and her anxious personality may never change (she’s literally hiding in the bathroom from a fly as we speak). She and I can wear all the ThunderShirts we want, but we’ll never be able to shift our relationship with anxiety if our only goal is to eliminate it for good. I, for one, am learning how to sit with my anxiety, particularly health anxiety, without trying to run away from it. And, since I’m a human who has access to therapy, I’ll keep working with my therapist on coping tools. Casey’s working on sitting with her hard feelings too. In the bathroom. 

It’s important to be kind to your anxious mind.

Calming CTD down (even if it doesn’t always work) reminds me to give myself grace during my own freakouts. I often get angry when “what if” spirals overrun my mind. But I should offer myself the same patience I grant my pup. 

Something my therapist says is that anxiety is trying to look out for you. It’s bombarding you because it wants you to be safe and certain in a world where we can’t always be safe and certain. So, don’t blame it or yourself. It’s not your fault that the world is scary sometimes. 

Anxiety isn’t ALL of you. 

Yes, CTD is an extremely worry-ridden dog. However, she’s also other things: She’s an excellent cuddle buddy, the absolute sweetest mush, a goddamn athlete (you should see her dodge trees and balance on one leg when she squats to pee!), a pro ice-eater, a smarty-pants, and a beauty queen. 

Similarly, I’ve learned that anxiety is a part of me, but it’s not me in my entirety, and I’ve found a lot of power in being able to separate myself from a stream of anxiety-filled thoughts. Seeing the wonderful traits that Casey has, despite her fear, proves to me that we can be anxious individuals and  there’s more to us than our worries.

She’s still the most beautiful baby dog in all the baby dog land—anxiety included.

The post My Dog’s Anxiety Makes Mine Feel a Little Less Scary appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 09.18.22

Selena Gomez Speaks Out About Her Mental Health

“It can feel empowering when you find the right space to share your story.” ByWondermind

Selena Gomez has sat for countless cover interviews, but this one is special. Gomez co-founded Wondermind in 2021 along with film producer Mandy Teefey and entrepreneur Daniella Pierson because the three women shared a similar passion for destigmatizing and democratizing mental health. Here, Gomez sits down with Pierson for the first of many candid conversations on Wondermind.  

[This interview originally appeared in an April 2022 edition of the Wondermind Newsletter. Sign up here to never miss these candid conversations.] 

Daniella Pierson: You have been on so many covers, but this is different. What do you want people to know about what this monthly digital cover represents? And what do you want to say to the people on our next covers?

Selena Gomez: Just…thank you! I think it’s very brave to speak up about your own journey. At the same time that it can feel debilitating, it can feel empowering when you find the right space to share your story. Who is on that journey with you is very hard to navigate as well. If anything, I’m just grateful for anyone who is willing to share their story and be brave, and take a few moments of their day to make someone else’s day. I hope this will let people know it’s okay to feel all of the emotions that they do.

DP: It’s truly impactful when people talk about topics that usually others think they are the only ones suffering from. Were you scared to be open about your mental health?

SG: No, once the first picture came out of me going to seek help I felt so violated. In a way, I was forced to share, because I couldn’t stand the idea and the fact that people could tell a story based on a photo or something they see. They can just run with the story and ultimately it isn’t the truth and it’s not my story, it’s not coming from me. Maybe I wasn’t purposefully going to speak up. I think it happened and the freedom that I felt and the control I thought I had over my story was worth everything to me. So maybe being so open wasn’t my intention at first, but now I couldn’t be more grateful.

DP: What does your current relationship with your mental health look like now?

SG: I think it’s important to take moments and kind of analyze them. I know people can overthink sometimes and I’m one of those people—raising my hand—because I do overthink situations. But sometimes taking a step back and just looking at it from afar and thinking, Okay, from the grand scheme of things, where am I? Am I happy? Am I genuinely fine when people ask me?   That’s something that I try to do often. When moments come up, or there are triggers that come up, I feel more comfortable to take action in doing the things that are necessary for me to feel safe, to feel heard, and to feel loved no matter what state I’m in. I think that takes a lot of time and I’m nowhere near perfect, but I’m really happy. It’s just important to check in.

DP: It totally is. What would you say to anyone who is concerned about the stigma around taking mental health medication?

SG: I can only speak from my experience, and what has happened in my journey is that I had a chemical imbalance. I believe in science, and medicine has changed my life. But everyone needs to do what is right for them, and, of course, speak to a licensed professional.  

DP: Wondermind is using this term “mental fitness” to describe working on your mental health. What do you currently do when you feel low?

SG: There are moments that I felt depleted, like Oh my gosh, I feel like I need help. But the truth is that I can’t sit and feel sorry for myself. It’s really hard to get out of your own head, and I actively do things to work on that every day. Even if it’s reading a passage in a book that I love or poetry. It’s so silly, but it really helps me reframe my mindset. It can be as simple as working out in the morning or wanting to start my day with coffee and 30 minutes to myself.

DP: Your schedule is so packed and you are constantly surrounded by people. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

SG: I would definitely say I’m an extrovert with introvert tendencies. What I mean by that is that I thrive with people, I love people from all walks of life. I feel like life is connection. Love is connection, however that looks. Whenever I’m on set and I’m surrounded by 60 or more people—each one of them you have at least one encounter with, and I’m just so happy to be there. But then there are days when I kind of check out, and I’m overwhelmed. Sometimes I want to call someone but other times I need to recharge on my own. I would need to take a really long nap or take a quick bath and just light a candle in the room just because it’s pretty, not because of any other reason than that. Just making my lighting comfortable, having a warm setting, and putting on something familiar like a song. Or writing, I have my journal right next to me. I do what’s necessary for me.

DP: When you’re feeling like an extrovert and you need to recharge with other people, who do you call in those moments? 

SG: It depends, actually. I feel strong emotions towards different chapters of my life and if something gets brought up that I need to flush out or I just have questions in my mind, I usually go to someone that maybe was in that moment with me. So that could be my best friends. I’m lucky to even have one, but I have three that I truly, truly trust with my life, and I would call them. Sometimes I just want to hear someone’s voice that I love, so I’ll call my mom or I’ll try my sister, even though she’s so difficult to get in contact with as an 8-year-old—she’s cooler than me.  I just want to hear my nana’s voice or my pops’ and sometimes that’s all I need. There are moments where I don’t know who to call, and I think those moments are scary too but also important to have. I don’t always write, but I do kind of talk aloud. I genuinely talk to my dogs. I totally have conversations, I’ll be like “Why am I doing this?” or “Where is this coming from?” They don’t really say anything but they look really cute.

DP: Do you think that they’ve helped your mental health?

SG: I totally believe that animals are healing. I did equine-assisted therapy and that was fantastic. It was fascinating to be able to work with a horse. There are techniques to disarm an animal that is so majestic and rooted in the ground. It just feels so real, and they can sense your emotion. If you’re feeling really anxious, they can feel that. It’s a practice within yourself to take deep breaths and to put your mind somewhere and work on these little exercises and see if you can get through to them. It’s weird but it works!

DP: How does it feel to know that so many people have their eyes on you and that you are under a microscope? Do you even think about it anymore?

SG: No, I don’t. I think it’s been maybe four years now, or three years, since I’ve been off the internet. Unless someone sends me an article, not about myself but like a general piece on something. I try to stay updated on the things that are important, but I don’t really connect that way anymore. When my life was ruled by that, it was exhausting and sad. I was just sad all the time, whether people were rooting for me or not. I don’t think I was living for myself at all. When I took that tiny little thing away, it was fine. You can use the internet for all the amazing things: writing and going on Etsy and watching really creative, fun things, like TED Talks—it’s a beautiful thing. I just think that my relationship with the internet does not exist, and I couldn’t be happier about making that decision for myself.

DP: You never feel any urge to go on the internet?

SG: Never get an urge, no. Just because I know that in the most vulnerable years of my life, I was always on it, and it was so messy. That was unbelievably stressful. So since I’m happy living in the headspace I’m in now I wouldn’t jeopardize it whatsoever or have any urge to see things, even if it’s great things. I’m so grateful for the position I’ve been given, and I could not be here or stand here if it weren’t for the people on my journey. I call them my littles. They’re people I grew up with and it’s more than a fanbase. It’s a community. It’s a place that even I feel safe in. I trust the people that are there, rooting with me. 

DP: When you are feeling low, do you write in your journal? Do you write songs? 

SG: My mind has to be on something else. It sounds stupid and a lot of people would call it a distraction and not a healthy place to turn to, but I always put on the TV. It can be a documentary or really anything. I remember watching these shows about addiction, and I remember feeling like I needed to escape. I don’t know why, but there’s something about, I can see that person hurting and I’m not the only one. It makes me want to do more for people.

DP: It makes you feel less alone.

SG: A thousand percent. Everyone, I believe, needs someone. So that helps me get out of my mind, but I need to get out of my bed. I’ll try to get on my couch, and if I fall asleep I’ll let myself, and I’ll let myself sleep even during the daylight. I used to lock myself in my room, and it was so dark all the time. I would eat there, I would do everything there. Sometimes I still do that for fun, but it’s just different when I’m in a mindset that I need to get out of. I won’t stay in my bed, or I’ll put the TV on, or I will write, call someone, or write a song. I was doing that before we started. I can do those things but I can empathize with people who don’t know what to do when they feel stuck, frozen, because I’ve felt that, and I still have days when I feel that way.

DP: What excites you most about Wondermind?

SG: One of the people that I’ve looked up to my whole life is Princess Diana and, this sounds silly, but what would come out of her was so honest and real, and that’s all I want this to be. A real, honest, safe, comfortable place—something people can turn to. I hope nothing more than for people to feel what I feel when I think about what we’re doing and when I think about other people and talk to people on our expert [advisory] committee and people that have the same goal and vision that we do. For someone to say “Oh, that’s me.” That’s one of the best feelings. Honestly, I believe that’s why a lot of people go to AA or NA meetings, like myself. I do because I find it inspiring and moving. I find it empowering when I can speak or just hear others tell their story. It’s not a scary place. What we’re building is so exciting, and I’m really grateful. I’m nervous… and excited.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post Selena Gomez Speaks Out About Her Mental Health appeared first on Wondermind.