Explainer Link Copied 06.28.24

Do I Need Trauma Therapy?

Let’s get healed. BySam Brodsky

If you recently heard about trauma therapy, that makes sense. Over the last few years, for better or for worse, your friends, your fam, and the internet at large have become a lot more acquainted with trauma and how to heal it.

Trauma is any disturbing event that scares you, makes you feel helpless, leaves you confused, or stirs up other hard emotions that are so intense that they negatively impact your “attitudes, behavior, and other aspects of functioning” going forward, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). 

Whether you grew up in an unsafe environment, witnessed a tragic accident, survived one, or experienced something else traumatic, circumstances like these can scare the shit out of us and shift how we feel and function in everyday life. 

But the effects of trauma are as wide-ranging as the things that can traumatize us. On the more intense end of the trauma symptom spectrum, some can have flashbacks, avoid specific people and places, or experience depression, says clinical and forensic psychologist Demara Bennett, PsyD, who specializes in trauma. Some might also develop a trauma- and stressor-related disorder, like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), she says. 

If you can relate (or know someone who can) and you’re interested in learning more about how to treat those symptoms with trauma therapy, we got you. Below, we spoke to mental health pros about what trauma therapy is, how it works, and how to find someone to help you work through your struggles. 

What is trauma therapy? 

Turns out, there’s no official authority that regulates what trauma therapy is, how it’s defined, and who gets to practice it. That makes this question a little tricky to answer. But, on a basic level, trauma therapy is therapy that’s meant to help you heal from thoughts and feelings caused by trauma, says Dr. Bennett. 

Yes, any therapist can help you manage mental health struggles stemming from past events or traumas. But a trauma therapist is a mental health professional who specializes in treating trauma- and stressor-related disorders as well as debilitating symptoms of trauma, says clinical psychologist Jessica Punzo, PsyD, president-elect of the APA’s trauma psychology division.

Even though trauma therapists aren’t regulated, they typically seek extra training, like internships and certification programs, to learn how to treat those conditions and challenges, says Dr. Punzo. That makes them better equipped to work with clients whose trauma symptoms are dramatically interfering with their lives. 

The therapeutic modalities used in trauma therapy are ones that’ve been shown to improve severe symptoms of trauma or were developed to do so (even if there’s not quite enough evidence yet to prove they work). 

Honestly, there are a lot of types of trauma therapy out there, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and prolonged exposure, and your trauma therapist will help you figure out which seems most suited for you, says clinical psychologist Abigail Percifield, PsyD, vice president of the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. 

How long trauma therapy takes to work depends on many factors, but it could be as little as six weeks, says Dr. Bennett. Of course, sometimes people need years of treatment, especially if they have the type of long-lasting trauma that usually happens in childhood, aka complex PTSD (C-PTSD), says Dr. Percifield. 

How to know if trauma therapy is right for you 

If you’ve been dealing with severe trauma symptoms, you’d definitely benefit from finding a trauma therapist. And that’s true even if you’re not sure what brought them on in the first place, says Dr. Punzo. “Trauma is subjective,” she explains. “Therapists are not detectives; they’re not here to prove that you had a traumatic experience.” Instead, they’re here to help you deal with the aftermath in a way that feels safe and holds space for whatever you went through.

If you’re in therapy already, you might be wondering if it’s worth finding a trauma  therapist to address your symptoms. Ultimately, it’s up to you. If you feel like your therapist is helping you cope with whatever you’ve been through, that’s great! If you’re looking for more trauma-focused treatment from someone with experience treating severe trauma symptoms, it could be worth making the switch. That said, if your therapist suspects you’d benefit from services they can’t provide, it’s best practice for them to refer you to someone who can help, notes trauma psychologist Ayli Carrero Pinedo, PhD. So maybe ask them what they think. 

Types of trauma therapy

Like we said, there are lots of different approaches to treating trauma. Some of them have scientific evidence backing up their trauma-healing efficacy, and others don’t. While there’s some debate about the best standard of treatment for severe trauma, below we explain a few trauma therapies mental health pros generally agree are most helpful. 

Prolonged exposure (PE)

This is a kind of exposure therapy where you gradually face the fears associated with your trauma. PE teaches you that these memories and situations aren’t actually dangerous, according to the APA.  

With your therapist, you’ll describe the trauma as if it’s happening in present tense and record yourself, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. Replaying this outside of the sessions (homework!) enables you to confront and process emotions that you may have been avoiding, she says. 

You’ll also gradually put yourself in real-life situations that trigger your fear associated with the trauma. For example, if crowds really scare you, you might go to the grocery store and just park outside. The next time, you might go to the door and, the time after that, walk in one aisle, Dr. Carrero Pinedo notes. (You get the point!)

Cognitive processing therapy (CPT)

CPT helps you challenge unhelpful beliefs that stem from your trauma, according to the APA. Some of those beliefs might sound like, “I was weak,” or, “I should have done something differently,” or, “If I open up to people, I’ll get hurt.” Whether you’re aware of it or not, these mindsets can keep you stuck, says Dr. Bennett. Over a series of sessions, your therapist can help shift your perspective by prompting you for evidence for or against these thoughts and eventually help you modify your own beliefs around the traumatic event, explains Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)

During an EMDR session, a therapist asks you questions about a traumatic memory while you follow their finger or something else from left to right with your eyes, says Dr. Percifield. Other times a therapist may have you hold a device that vibrates in one hand and then the other, or listen to a sound playing in one ear and then the other with headphones, while asking you questions, she explains. These alternating sensations, sounds, or visuals are examples of bilateral stimulation, which may help make your traumatic memories less vivid and emotional, according to the APA.

It’s not 100% clear why EMDR works, but one theory suggests that doing two things at once—the eye movement or other sensory activity, plus recalling the traumatic memory—disrupts your working memory, and this helps make what you’re remembering less emotional and vivid, according to a systematic review. Paying attention to these two things at once also somehow allows you to access more adaptive information about your environment and yourself—aka info you’ve learned from non-traumatic experiences, like looking at situations realistically, Dr. Percifield explains.

FYI, EMDR can potentially stir up traumatic memories you didn’t know you had, so experiencing them in therapy can feel like a lot, Dr. Percifield says. Maybe that’s not something you’re ready for. But EMDR can be a good option for people who don’t want to do in-person exposures or don’t have time for homework.

Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT)

This one is typically utilized by trauma therapists treating kids and adolescents and their parents or caregivers. It involves exposure work and learning coping skills for dealing with the effects of trauma, per the APA. 

The child would also create what Dr. Bennett calls a trauma narrative, where they’d think about the trauma and write about it, paint it, or express it in other ways. “It’s not just a retelling; it’s your opportunity to have more power over the experience,” she says. 

Narrative therapy

This kind of therapy is meant to rewrite your life story with “true but more life-enhancing narratives or stories,” per the APA. The theory is that by deconstructing the events of your life, including your trauma and the problems it’s caused, you can put it back together in a more helpful way.

This could be especially helpful when dealing with intergenerational trauma, or racial trauma, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. “It can really emphasize the resistance of your ancestors, the strength of their survival, and the wisdom that they have carried throughout the years, rather than just focusing solely on the trauma experienced,” she explains. 

FWIW, if you suspect you have intergenerational trauma, consider researching traditional healing practices from your cultural or community background, says Dr. Percifield. “[Trauma treatment] doesn’t always have to be [from] a Western lens; we can have music and movement and dance. All those things are also ways of healing,” adds Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

How to find a trauma therapist

Ultimately, a person who calls themself a trauma therapist should have the training to back it up, which might look like certifications in some of the trauma therapies we talked about above. There’s no one certification that a trauma therapist needs  to get in order to call themself a specialist in trauma, says Dr. Punzo. And even mental health pros without certifications can have training from reputable trauma orgs and years and years of experience treating trauma, so it’s best to look at a therapist’s full skillset and background, notes Dr. Percifield. You can also check out these directories to up your chances of finding a therapist who specializes and is trained in trauma therapy:

• International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
• EMDR International Association 
• Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy National Therapist Certification Program
• Cognitive Processing Therapy For PTSD  
• International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies

Once you find someone, hop on the phone or email them to ask what treatments they’re certified in and the kinds of clients they see (they should say that most of their clients are dealing with severe trauma symptoms, complex PTSD, or trauma- and stressor-related disorders).

As you get started with a trauma therapist, check in to ask yourself  how you feel during your sessions, suggests Dr. Percifield. Is this type of therapy meeting your needs? Does it feel right for you? Do you feel like you can communicate with your therapist? If so, that’s great! If not, maybe keep looking.

Heads up: It might not feel amazing from the get-go. Being nervous about delving into everything  is totally valid, says Dr. Bennett. After all, we tend to avoid things that are emotionally distressing, she notes, and trauma is one of them.

The post Do I Need Trauma Therapy? appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 01.12.24

Why Does Zoning Out Make My Brain Feel All Good and Fuzzy?

No thoughts, just vibes. ByLaura Hanrahan

We’ve all done it—you’re driving home on the same route you’ve probably taken a thousand times. Suddenly you’re at an intersection getting ready to make a turn but have no memory of the last five blocks. Or, maybe even more relatable, you’re online shopping, scrolling through endless thumbnails of beige coats. Then BAM, it’s a few minutes later and you’re suddenly on page 20 of 45 on Abercrombie. If either of these situations sounds familiar, you’ve experienced the very common phenomenon of zoning out.

Put simply, “zoning out is when you lose focus on the task at hand,” says clinical psychologist Rebecca Semel, PhD. If you’re listening to something, suddenly you’ve stopped hearing and processing the words because you’re staring into space. Or sometimes you might even be doing something but you have no clear, conscious memory of the little details. Essentially, your brain is taking a timeout here. 

Though social media often dubs this mental hiatus as dissociation, most experts say that zoning out is typically a more accurate way to describe what’s going on here. Dissociation refers to a feeling of being detached from reality, feeling outside of your body, or losing long periods of time (sometimes hours), says Dr. Semel. Zoning out is a much milder version of that. 

But either way, uh, why does it happen? Here’s a crash course in zoning out, including why it feels so good, when it can become a problem, and how to work on staying present when it’s becoming an issue. 

Why do we zone out?

The biggest reason we space out is because of our limited attention threshold. We can only force our brains to pay attention to something for so long before they get sleepy. Of course, this varies from person to person and from one circumstance to another. 

Perhaps the most obvious zoning-out trap is doing something boring, like sitting through a lecture or knocking out some mindless busy work. In those cases, your brain wanders off to focus on the vacation you wish you were on, that rug you want for your bedroom, or whatever the mental equivalent is to a 404 page. Actually, in a 1989 study participants read nonfiction passages that varied in how interesting they were. The less interesting the reads, the more people thought about other things, according to the study. 

Maybe it’s not that surprising, but zoning out while doing a boring thing could also be more common in people with ADHD, according to a 1993 study. Dr. Semel calls it a “hallmark symptom” of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, especially inattentive ADHD. 

Doing something you’ve done a billion times, like commuting home from work, can make it easy for your brain to log off too. As can doing a non-life threatening task that feels too hard (like your taxes, maybe). In that case, your brain kinda enters avoidance mode, Dr. Semel says. It’s almost like your mind is saying, “‘Let me just turn off and do something different for a few minutes,’” she adds. After that little brain vacation, it might feel easier to refocus on your work, Dr. Semel adds. The more you know.

Finally, when you unconsciously think there’s something more important to focus on (like the genius Letterboxd review you need to post), you deprioritize whatever held your attention before—even if that task wasn’t boring, routine, or uber-challenging, explains neurologist Andrew Budson, MD, author of Why We Forget and How to Remember Better: The Science Behind Memory. Yep, could be as simple as that. 

What’s going on when we’re zoned out? 

When you’re locked into a task, a part of your noggin called the anterior cingulate is active, explains Dr. Budson. In non-scientist terms, this area is responsible for focus, decision-making, anticipation of tasks, and impulse control—all things we need when taking in and responding to new information. 

When we’re zoning out, [the anterior cingulate] shuts off and then “the default mode network” turns on, Dr. Budson says. That network is largely found in the temporal lobes—including the hippocampus, which retrieves old information. (JFYI: The hippocampus can also encode new information, but that’s not what happens when you go into default mode.) So say you’re driving home and don’t remember passing through most of your route by the time you get in your driveway. That’s because your hippocampus retrieved the directions programmed into it after driving this way countless times without your conscious awareness.

Why does zoning out feel so good sometimes?

When you zone out, you can get a light, kinda warm and fuzzy feeling. And if the reality you’re coming back to is particularly boring (like a painfully mundane work task or a monotone teacher harping about parallelograms), you might want to zone right back out of there. Research on zoning out is fairly limited, so the root cause of that cozy feeling is hard to say for sure.

There’s no known chemical release that happens in your brain when zoning out that would be responsible for making you feel good, Dr. Budson says. But he notes it would presumably stem from the fact your brain gets to relax a bit. “Daydreaming is not goal-directed; your brain can take a break and think about whatever it wants to,” he says. Basically, it’s quiet quitting by taking some me time.

Dr. Semel agrees and suggests that desirable feeling could be attributed to how you’re likely thinking about things that are more positive or interesting than whatever the task at hand may be—even if that’s nothing at all. 

How can I stop zoning out?

Both Dr. Semel and Dr. Budson agree that when zoning out starts to impact your day-to-day functioning and quality of life, it’s time to take action. That could look like constantly missing out on your boss’ instructions or your eyes glazing over during conversations with friends.

Dr. Budson recommends tapping into meditation and mindfulness to help train your awareness and, in turn, help you pay more attention when you need to. By practicing for 10-20 minutes each day (or as often as you can), Dr. Budson explains, you’re training yourself to focus. 

One of the easiest ways to practice mindfulness is to take some time to focus on your breath and how it feels in your body. Notice the sounds of your inhale and exhale, pay attention to how it feels going in and out of your nose, focus on how your abdomen expands and contracts, notice the pause between breaths, Dr. Budson says. “If your mind wanders, just nudge it back to focusing on your breath in a non-judgmental way,” he says.

You could also practice mindfulness by doing a body scan. Close your eyes and direct your focus to the top of your head, working your way down to your feet, pausing to notice how each part of your body feels. As you do it, notice any sensations, like tingling, pain, pressure, tension, or discomfort. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. The goal is just staying present and learning to refocus your attention. 

While that’s great for the long-term, clocking regular breaks can also help you stay focused, Dr. Semel suggests. If you can plant them into your schedule, great. If not, just get up and take a lap or switch tasks for a few minutes. Reading an article or looking up flights might be the rest your brain needs. “This encourages your brain to attend to the new material and may help you to refocus when you return to your previous task,” Dr. Semel says.

If you’re in school, the ultimate zone-out zone, coming up with a question that you want answered during each class can help keep you engaged. Self-talk can also be really helpful. “Reminding yourself that you just have to get through this task, or ‘there are only X minutes left of this’ can help cue yourself to refocus and attend for a little bit longer,” Dr. Semel adds.

The post Why Does Zoning Out Make My Brain Feel All Good and Fuzzy? appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 12.22.22

Here’s What Maladaptive Daydreaming Really Feels Like

These vivid and repetitive daydreams can really mess with your life. ByAshley Laderer

Everyone daydreams from time to time—kissing your crush, popping off on your condescending boss, or vacationing somewhere with crystal clear water and palm trees—but what if elaborate daydreams take over your life? What happens when daydreaming makes it hard for you to function, and you’d much rather live the life you’re imagining in your head than the life that’s right in front of you? Enter: Maladaptive daydreaming. 

What even is maladaptive daydreaming? 

Daydreaming actually exists on a spectrum. On one end, you have the “mind wandering” type of daydreaming, which is brief, typically mundane in subject matter, and doesn’t impair functioning in any way, says Eli Somer, PhD, a clinical psychologist and maladaptive daydreaming researcher specializing in trauma and dissociative disorders. 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have maladaptive daydreaming—a term coined by Dr. Somer himself in a 2002 qualitative study of six patients in his practice, where he describes it as “extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning.” In fact, there will be clear immersive visuals, sounds, and emotional elements, so they’re way more intense than run-of-the-mill daydreams and typically include elaborate storylines that continue over time, he adds. So basically, it’s when you daydream so vividly and frequently that it negatively impacts your life. (BTW, you won’t find maladaptive daydreaming in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, aka the DSM-5-TR, but the booming Maladaptive Daydreaming subreddit and #maladaptivedaydreaming TikTok communities suggest there are tons of people who can relate.) 

These daydreams can happen voluntarily and involuntarily, but in most cases, you have some control over what’s happening. “Almost without exception, people know how to activate and stop daydreaming,” Dr. Somer says. Still, some daydreamers have a compulsive nature, which can make the daydreams feel involuntary, he explains. Some situations, like solitude, jogging, driving, or hearing certain music can trigger daydreaming, Dr. Somer says. Also, maladaptive daydreamers often incorporate some kind of movement (rocking, pacing, or twirling something) or play music to get into the zone or enhance the daydreaming, he adds.  

Maladaptive daydreams can last for hours on end, and if you’re prone to them, you might even find yourself realizing you spent a whole day thinking about those complex stories, Dr. Somer says. If that sounds trance-like, you’re not totally wrong, Dr. Somer says, comparing this intense focus on the daydream to a “state of self-hypnosis or a trance.” 

What causes maladaptive daydreaming? 

Research about maladaptive daydreaming is limited (hence why it’s not in the DSM-5-TR), but there are several theories about what might be behind it, says Colin Ross, MD, a dissociation and trauma-related disorder specialist who researches this behavior. It’s often linked with other mental health conditions, like anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, dissociative disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), adds Dr. Ross. “Often, it provides an escape from intolerable feelings and conflicts, emptiness, stressful external conditions, and/or unresolved trauma.” And because it can hurt when you come out of a daydream and are hit with reality, that can worsen depression and make you want to daydream even more, suggests a 2020 study by Dr. Ross. 

This checks out for Allie Priestley, a content creator who has been sharing her experience with maladaptive daydreaming on TikTok (one of her videos currently has almost 900,000 views) and has struggled with maladaptive daydreaming since she was a kid. She thinks her daydreaming is linked to childhood trauma associated with growing up in a Christian cult and struggling with undiagnosed autism and ADHD. “I did not understand my brain, my autism, or why I could not deal with the world,” Priestley, 34, says. 

When does it become a mental health concern? 

As you can see, it’s easy to get caught up in these daydreams and repeatedly revisit them because it can feel rewarding and enjoyable to live in this fantasy life—especially when it’s an escape from the life you’re living. But by spending so much time in daydreams, you can miss out on life experiences, have trouble at work or school, and avoid addressing underlying issues that might cause this behavior—that’s when there’s cause for concern, Dr. Somer explains. “As any behavior or substance that is so rewarding, it’s potentially addictive,” he adds.

At first, Priestley’s daydreaming “seemed to just happen out of nowhere—and I couldn’t control it,” she says. “But as I got older, like in high school, it became extremely intentional.” She would stay home from school, pretending she was sick, to immerse herself in her vivid daydreams, which typically involved some sort of romantic relationship and/or being extremely famous and successful. (Like many others, she used music and sometimes the settings of TV shows to help her sink into the daydreams.) As an adult, she’d plan to take a week or two off work so she could stay in her room, drink alcohol, and daydream the time away. 

“The daydreaming just helped me cope with being alive, and if I could stay home and do that instead, I did,” she says, adding that daydreams can feel “better than being in the real world.” See why it’s so hard to stop maladaptive daydreaming? 

Back then, she had no idea there was a name for what she was experiencing and felt intense shame. “I thought I was absolutely crazy,” she says. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago while scrolling through TikTok that Priestley learned about maladaptive daydreaming and that she was far from alone. “The first time I saw a girl talk about it—I’ll never forget it. It literally changed my entire existence,” she says. 

How can you manage maladaptive daydreaming? 

Your options for dealing with maladaptive daydreaming are limited, TBH, because it’s such a niche and misunderstood phenomenon, even among mental health pros. So why isn’t it in the DSM if so many people experience it? Well, getting a new mental health disorder into the DSM requires a lot of research to meet predetermined guidelines. “The scientific literature on maladaptive daydreaming is growing steadily, and includes multiple samples in a range of different languages and cultures. A variety of different statistics on maladaptive daydreaming have been published—however, more work is required for the literature to meet the requirements for a new disorder set out by the American Psychiatric Association,” Dr. Ross explains.

All of this said, Dr. Somer says “we’re getting there.” Inclusion in a future version of the DSM could be closer than we think, leading to more validation for a phenomenon that so many people experience.

So, what can you do in the meantime if maladaptive daydreaming is interfering with your life? Researchers like Dr. Somer and Dr. Ross have identified a couple of things that can help. First, it’s important to work with a mental health pro who can help identify and treat underlying mental health conditions, like PTSD, anxiety, or OCD. 

Then, mindfulness training and focusing on the “external reality” comes into play, Dr. Somer says. Basically, mindfulness helps you learn to focus on the here and now instead of turning your focus inward and on the daydreams.

As for Priestley, she’s been able to resist the pull into her fantasies more than ever now that she has finally gotten clarity on being autistic and having ADHD and complex PTSD. “Now I feel like I actually belong somewhere and I have a place in the world and I don’t have to escape as much,” she says. 

So if you think you might be a maladaptive daydreamer, don’t hesitate to share your experience with a therapist. If you don’t have someone you can talk to about this, try searching for a licensed mental health professional who specializes in trauma, dissociative disorders, depression, anxiety, and/or OCD. Help is out there, and it’s possible to enjoy the life right in front of you, not just in your daydreams.

The post Here’s What Maladaptive Daydreaming Really Feels Like appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 11.16.22

We Talked to Emulsify About Art, Abortion Access, and Immigration Status

The artist got real about how immigration, pregnancy, and working in reproductive justice impacts their mental health. ByShannon Barbour

It’s no secret that American politics continue to be a hot mess complete with threats to reproductive rights. To do their part, artist and activist Emulsify teamed up with The Center for Cultural Power, which amplifies artists and the issues they’re passionate about, to continue creating art that educates and empowers. Here, the illustrator behind the What’s an Abortion Anyway? children’s book talks to Wondermind about the mental health impact of bodily autonomy and immigration, the excitement of choosing to be pregnant, and the tough emotions that can come up when starting therapy. 

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WM: What’s invigorating you lately? 

Emulsify: I’ve been giving a lot of attention to two different things: A lot of my work intersects with the reproductive justice movement: I’ve been a trained abortion doula since 2016 and am part of a doula collective, and I make art about abortion access and reproductive justice. As a collective, we’ve been developing a support hotline for folks who are undergoing a medication abortion. 

I’m also six months pregnant, so that’s been taking up a lot of my intellectual and emotional energy. It’s been awesome getting to learn with my body and witness all the physical and spiritual and emotional changes that my body is going through. [And I’m] just processing that I’m going to have a tiny person in this world that I will be responsible for and that I will be forming a bond with. [Editor’s note: Emulsify gave birth in November 2022.]

WM: Can you talk about those emotional changes you’re experiencing during pregnancy? 

Emulsify: As someone who is in the reproductive justice field and primarily focuses on abortion, it’s been really affirming to be pregnant and to understand what this feels like, given that I am choosing to be pregnant and that this is something that I want. [Along with the joy], there’s definitely been a lot of struggles. My mood changes, and it’s affected my mental health. I can’t rely on the same coping mechanisms that I used to. I was a huge weed smoker before I was pregnant; that was one of the main ways I coped with anxiety and depression. 

And while I feel connected to [my body], there are parts that I also feel disconnected to. Yesterday I was talking to a friend at the beach about how the body holds trauma and how intergenerational trauma is passed down in our bodies. It can be hard to connect with that knowledge and how my body’s also been passing down the knowledge of how to make a baby and what changes need to happen. … [The changes have] just been happening, but it allows me to feel present in my body, which is something that I’ve struggled with in the past. I dissociate a lot, so it’s been nice to welcome that and find new coping mechanisms and new ways of adjusting to the changes in my brain. 

WM: What was getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression like for you?

Emulsify: I am an immigrant and migrated here when I was seven with my mom. We came here from Ecuador, and I think migration can be really traumatizing, especially coming to the United States. I grew up undocumented for most of my life. When we moved here, we were coming to meet my dad, and my mom found herself in an abusive relationship. It shifted my life in so many ways that impacted my mental health. 

I was a young person who was given much more responsibility than most young people should have. I was doing a lot of caretaking for my mom, and I was a big [source of] emotional support for her—she was a young mom who got pregnant at 19 and had me at 20. So while we were very close, sometimes the lines were kind of blurry, and I grew up very anxious; I think I was depressed for most of my teens and early adulthood. Being undocumented was a big factor in that, particularly once I was older and felt the impact of not being able to get a license or apply to the schools that I wanted to go to, not being able to travel, and just feeling all these limitations and witnessing how it impacted my parents.

Around 22 or 23 years old, I went to therapy for the first time, and that was hard…because I was the first person in my family to go. It’s affirming when someone’s like, “Yeah, shit’s really fucked up for you.” But also, you don’t really want that affirmation. At least, I didn’t want that. It almost made things very real. I began feeling a lot of emotions that I had pushed [though] and ignored. 

A couple years after starting therapy, I graduated college and started my first full-time job in the city. I was doing all these great things, and I was feeling really shitty. I had a breakdown; I was exhausted.

Eventually, I collapsed and couldn’t push forward. I was hospitalized for a week for exhaustion and depression, and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Receiving that diagnosis has been an interesting journey because for so long, I wanted my therapist to be like, “This is what you have,” so I could read a book and be like, “OK, how do I fix it?” 

From there, I was given a lot of prescriptions…and I spent two years trying to figure my way out through meds, which wasn’t a successful journey for me. … Around the same time, I started developing a consistent art practice…and processing feelings through my art, like immigration status. Through my art, I found other people who felt like me or shared similar experiences with me and found my art healing and helpful. That was affirming and gave me an opportunity to develop it in a practice that felt like therapy in a way. 

WM: Which piece of art helped you the most with your mental health?

Emulsify: One piece has a dark blue background and an affirmation that’s yellow and very bright. It says, “Even in the darkest times I have the capacity to find light within myself.” That was one of my early pieces, and I felt connected to it because…I am an anxious person. For me, that means I struggle with suicidal ideation. When something grabs me, I feel devastated—it could really be all I see. That affirmation has been helpful for me in being able to remember the simple things around me that are good and point toward the light.

WM: Going back to your work in reproductive justice, how do you think destigmatizing abortion intersects with mental health? 

Emulsify: I connect it to bodily autonomy and having the agency to tell someone how we feel and have that be received and believed and not questioned…that can be instrumental in not being traumatized. The moments that have been the most traumatizing for me have been when I have felt a certain way and nothing around me affirmed or reflected that. 

When people know that’s the decision they want to make with their body and they want to end their pregnancy and need an abortion, it’s important that there is a system of support for them that is not there to judge them or to question them. [It should be] to offer support and to facilitate whatever needs to happen to make access to abortion safe and not make them feel bad for those decisions. 

I’ve never had an abortion…and I want to honor that I can’t speak from that specific experience, but talking about abortion and normalizing it and destigmatizing it allows more people to feel more empowered in making those decisions. Being able to choose and do what you want with your body is directly connected to how you feel in it. Destigmatizing abortion goes hand in hand with supporting people being their best selves and taking care of their mental health.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity. 

The post We Talked to Emulsify About Art, Abortion Access, and Immigration Status appeared first on Wondermind.

Q&A Link Copied 09.18.22

Rupi Kaur on Navigating Depression and Finally Feeling Joy

“I often wake up and I feel like a failure.” ByCasey Gueren

You’ve no doubt seen (and probably shared) Rupi Kaur’s deeply relatable poems on Instagram and in her best-selling books. And if you haven’t, we’re honestly a little jealous that you get to experience her words for the first time. 

Right before Kaur hit the road and the stage for her 2022 world tour, we were lucky enough to chat with her about the mental health journey she’s been navigating behind the scenes ever since her first book of poetry, milk and honey, made waves in 2014. Here’s what she had to say about that wild ride, the unexpected insecurities, and the advice she would give to her younger self. 

[This interview originally appeared in an April 2022 edition of the Wondermind Newsletter. Sign up here to never miss these candid conversations.] 

WM: How are you doing lately? 

RK: I am feeling better than I have felt in the last couple of days. I go on tour in a month and I forgot what it was like to prepare for it, because we’ve all just been sitting at home. There’s been difficult parts about sitting at home, but I’ve really enjoyed the slowness of it because I think I really needed it. Going into it all, at the start of the pandemic, I was not at the peak of my depression—I was like a year into getting better—but if that slowness hadn’t come, I don’t know if I could have gotten better. 

WM: What did that feel like for you: experiencing depression while also in the midst of huge success in your career? 

RK: There were years where I was performing, smiling, posting happy pictures of myself in fancy dresses on the ‘gram, but inside the only thing that brought me comfort was the idea of: I just want to sleep forever. I just never want to wake up. That was the only thought that brought comfort. And after a year or two of having that thought consistently, every single day, multiple times, I was like, I don’t think that’s normal, and maybe I should do something about this. 

When you’re feeling that low, every part of you, to its very core, tells you you will never, ever, ever feel better. And it’s hard to disagree with that gut because I’m somebody who trusts her gut very much. Because of my gut, I followed my dreams, I wrote poetry, I got on that stage. So when that same voice is telling me that I’m going to be depressed forever and never be happy again, shouldn’t I trust it? I had to realize through therapy and reading and learning that that’s kind of what depression does. It’s this manipulator, and it just makes you think that its  voice is your voice. 

The journey of getting better wasn’t short or easy, it’s a lifelong process. I’m doing much better now, but I’ve realized that doesn’t mean I’m free to go and not do things like the self-care and the upkeep. But I get excited now to talk about it because I’m not just doing the smiling thing and feeling like, I’m going to fake-it-til-I-make-it my way to happiness. Truly putting that time in, after a couple of years, I’ve been seeing progress, and I do finally feel joy again. I feel things, and that’s really nice. Now I think my next challenge is how to hold onto that when I go on the road. 

WM: What aspects of your mental health still feel like a work in progress? 

RK: I would say that I still am working on learning how to be more present. I love working so much, but I’m definitely trying to be like: Work is not my whole life. And in those moments when I’m not working, teaching myself to be okay with it. 

And with depression and anxiety, it’s such a journey. You kind of never know when it’s going to come back, and that’s really scary. Meditation was helping for a very long time, and then I stopped doing it. And now, I’m like, I gotta start that thing again because I can feel the anxiety. That practice will always be a work in progress. But you know what helps is that I’ve totally stopped giving a shit about thinking that I need to be consistent. To be consistent all the time and to have balance all the time is just not humanly possible, and that’s okay. I’d rather just show up as my confused, anxious self because that feels more whole and more perfect than this other thing that I pretend to be. 

WM: What would you say had the most significant impact on your mental wellness?  

RK: For me, there wasn’t any one thing. I had to try a combination of things, like exercising a lot, combined with meditation, combined with therapy, combined with seeing my family and friends—and actually seeing them, not just canceling at the last minute—and medication. A lot of things came together. 

And what changed is that there was this dissociation that I had that went away. I used to feel, in the midst of the depression, like I was watching my life happen through a fuzzy television screen. I was somewhere else. I was physically here but I wasn’t here. A year and a half into me really working hard at treating this thing (and then slowing the hell down, not going anywhere, just being in one place, one home), one day I stepped into the shower and it was like my mind and body had been apart for so long and then merged together. I could physically feel like, Oh shit, my soul is back in my body, let’s go, let’s do this. 

I just had so much dissociation just to make it through being on the move. When that changed, I was jumping for joy and like, This is so cool, I feel like a human being who is doing well! It’s been a goal to keep it that way. I know what helps me is being more slow—and that’s so hard in a world that expects you to move so quickly. 

WM: What fears or insecurities might surprise your fans and followers? 

RK: I often wake up and I feel like a failure. It might not match up with what externally my life looks like. Or I feel insecure about how I look and I’m like, I don’t want to get up on stage looking like this. Let me just go change everything. One of the biggest things, and I write a lot about it in Home Body, is that I feel like I’m going to be left behind. That I’m irrelevant—that comes up a lot. That is one I probably struggle with the most. I think a lot of people do. We live in a world that discards women. So I cannot get my relevancy from the outside, it has to come from somewhere else. That’s definitely something I’m feeling a lot. 

WM: What advice would you go back and give yourself if you could? 

RK: I’d be like: You have no idea what the f*ck is gonna happen to you. It’s gonna be horrible, and great, and horrible. I would say… Go to therapy sooner. Start medication sooner. Before I definitely was like, “All natural! No, I’m not going to take anything that could f*ck up my brain. I want to be creative! I don’t want something to numb me.” But I think a lot of these things can be myths. And some of us need it. I was so embarrassed to admit it. I didn’t tell anyone in my family I was on medication because they would freak out (not that anybody needs to know what I do). Some of us need that extra little boost just to get to whatever normal is. I would tell her that it would’ve saved her years of grief if she just tried it sooner. And to just try to enjoy what you have while you have it.

This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity. 

The post Rupi Kaur on Navigating Depression and Finally Feeling Joy appeared first on Wondermind.