Pro Tips Link Copied 12.10.24

That Sense of Impending Doom? Here’s How to Cope

The horrors may persist but so do your coping skills. ByCarolyn Todd

If you’re living on planet Earth right now, there’s a good chance you’re no stranger to feeling a sense of impending doom. A dear friend of existential dread, impending doom is a similarly dark and uncanny feeling. It can be hard to describe, but you know it when you feel it. It can feel like a slow-moving tidal wave. An eerie mist. An ominous cloud brewing overhead. Maybe this sinister sensation likes to visit you once in a while when you’re lying in bed at night. Or maybe it’s something you’ve been carrying around pretty much all day every day for a while now. 

If there’s one thing you can take comfort in when it comes to this unsettling experience, it’s the fact that you’re not alone. “There are a lot of people who are feeling an impending sense of doom,” says Los Angeles-based psychotherapist John Tsilimparis, MFT. “It’s affecting everybody these days.” 

So, what is this sense of impending doom, exactly? Why do we get it? (Besides, you know, *gestures broadly at everything*.) When should we seek support for it? And, most importantly, what can we do to stop impending doom from totally killing the vibe? 

What is impending doom, exactly? 

“It’s the overwhelming sense that something life-threatening or tragic is going to happen, but without any specific, concrete prediction,” says clinical psychologist, speaker, and consultant Jessica Stern, PhD. “People might say, ‘I’m not sure what I’m afraid of specifically, but I feel worried that something bad is going to happen.’”

It’s basically a mix of worry, fear, sadness, anxiousness, and darkness, Dr. Stern says. Like we mentioned, impending doom also has some overlap with existential dread, that terrible sense of despair and anxiety about the uncertainty of life and inevitability of death. Your doomy feels might come with grim thoughts or far-fetched beliefs about the future, Tsilimparis says. Or you might just notice a vague sense of foreboding. 

Usually this sense of impending doom crops up amid difficult events or changes going on in your life or the world that “feel scary and overwhelming and beyond your control,” Dr. Stern says. (Like, say, a wave of layoffs in your industry or extreme weather events.) But the level of threat you’re registering “feels much bigger and more abstract than what is specifically going on,” Dr. Stern explains. Like, the-whole-world-is-about-to-end big. However, it’s also totally possible to feel a sense of impending doom that doesn’t seem connected to anything specific going on, Dr. Stern says. 

What makes impending doom different from regular ol’ anxiety? How pervasive and intangible it is. Say you’re feeling super anxious about hitting a work deadline, or you have a fear of flying and you’re afraid your flight is going to crash. “That’s not impending doom, because it’s a very specific, very concrete fear that is directly related to something that [you] are actively experiencing,” Dr. Stern explains. Whereas with impending doom, it’s typically harder to pinpoint an exact fear or prediction, or it’s related to stuff outside your immediate experience. (However, impending doom can happen alongside anxiety and other mental health conditions. More on that to come.) 

What causes a sense of impending doom? 

Our brains have basically evolved to be hyper-aware of potential dangers and make negative predictions about the future, Tsilimparis explains. “We’ve stayed alive because we tend to prioritize fear and negativity.” And that’s pretty useful when facing tangible, specific threats we can do something about (like a tiger that might be hiding in the trees or a long, cold winter). 

But in today’s world—where we face so many unknowns and massive, even cataclysmic threats beyond our control—our brain’s tendency to dread the worst can incline us toward a sense of impending doom. “The brain expects that something bad is going to happen… but it can’t latch onto something specific,” Dr. Stern explains. “So it creates this general, abstract dark cloud that we get stuck in.”

That vague sense of doomsday being upon us can be triggered by many different external stressors: Collective traumas, current events, existential threats to humanity. “Election dejection, holiday blues, the state of the economy, wars overseas, you name it,” Tsilimparis says. While personal hardships can contribute, it’s usually forces that “feel much bigger than yourself and out of your control” that send you into catastrophizing mode, Dr. Stern says. Think climate change, racism, recessions, political upheavals, government collapses, global pandemics, artificial intelligence gone awry…you get the idea. 

Speaking of global pandemics—some of the impending doom we’re experiencing now is actually thanks to the imprints Covid left on our collective psyche. “The pandemic primed us for impending doom,” as Tsilimparis puts it. When we experience enduring threats or traumas (like Covid), we’re conditioned to keep expecting more calamities around the corner, Dr. Stern explains. We just know something terrible is about to happen again. Then a new stressor can “retrigger that lingering collective trauma,” Tsilimparis says.  

It’s important to know that the state of the world isn’t the only explanation for a sense of impending doom, though. Sometimes it’s connected to a mental health condition, Tsilimparis points out—like panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, or depression. For instance, impending doom that strikes out of the blue can be a precursor to (or sometimes a symptom of) a panic attack, Dr. Stern says. Similarly, someone in a depressive episode might feel a sense of doom underlying pretty much everything, Tsilimparis says. 

How to deal with a sense of impending doom

Despite all the doom you’re feeling, there are things you can do to manage or lessen that feeling of imminent devastation. Here’s what the experts recommend. 

1. Reel in your news and social media habits. 

“Be careful with saturating yourself with too much news,” Tsilimparis says. Staying informed is important, yes. But exposing yourself to a constant flood of alarmist headlines and images is only going to ramp up your sense of dread. (It’s called doomscrolling for a reason.) A few ideas: Turn off news and social media notifications, unfollow accounts that send you spiraling, or set automatic time limits for app use. 

2. Focus on your immediate responsibilities. 

Instead of spinning out into the future, tend to the things that are present, important to you, and in your sphere of influence. “Take care of your kids, take care of your job, take care of your home, take care of your family,” Tsilimparis says. Redirecting your energy towards what you care about—and can exert some control over—enhances your sense of agency, he explains. 

3. Soothe and ground your body. 

Just like there are physical symptoms of anxiety that can be brought on when you encounter a perceived threat, a sense of impending doom can trigger a physiological stress response too, explains Tsilimparis.  

Grounding techniques and self-care strategies that involve your body can cue to your system that you’re safe and help deactivate that stress response, Tsilimparis says. He recommends things like yoga, stretching, diaphragmatic breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and sensory grounding (observing what you can perceive through your five senses). 

4. Do more things that bring you joy. 

This one sounds “so obvious and simple,” Dr. Stern concedes. “But the reason it’s important is that in the state of impending doom, the mind is really primed for negative things to happen.” Like we talked about, you’re pretty sensitized to what’s scary or sad. “So providing your mind with opportunities to explore positive or even neutral experiences can be really helpful,” Dr. Stern says. Think cozying up with your favorite fantasy book, having a fun date night with your partner, or visiting a beautiful place in nature and looking for glimmers. 

This isn’t about toxic positivity-ing your way out of impending doom, BTW. “It’s not to negate it, but to add some dimension or balance to it,” Dr. Stern says. 

5. Write down what you’re feeling. 

Dr. Stern recommends doing some journaling the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by doom, even if you’re not typically a huge journaler. Putting pen to paper can make what you’re experiencing a little more workable. “Impending doom can feel so vague,” Dr. Stern says, “so being able to journal about it and whatever feelings you’re experiencing gives you an opportunity to name them.”

Dumping the gloomy contents of your mind onto paper can also help you start separating fact from fiction. “You want to watch the what-ifs and the projections when we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow,” Tsilimparis says. Seeing these things on paper can show you how unlikely they are, Dr. Stern says. “So it sort of breaks down the fears.” 

6. Add some structure to your days.

It might feel easier to let go of routines when you’re in a doom cloud, but Tsilimparis encourages the opposite. “It helps to maintain a certain degree of consistency,” he says. “Try sticking to routines and maintaining structure as much as possible.” Regularity in your daily life can be a stabilizing counterforce to the chaos of world events or doomsday scenarios in your head. Something as simple as keeping up with your morning gym routine or bedtime ritual can be grounding for your system. 

7. Practice mindfulness. 

“When we get caught in the impending doom, it can feel like we’re being dragged down into a pit,” Dr. Stern says. “We can lose a little bit of our perspective on what’s happening in the moment.” Mindfulness exercises and meditation (where you rest your attention on something in the present, like the feeling of your breath) are ways to bring yourself back up into the moment and reset your perspective, Dr. Stern says. Over time, a mindfulness practice can also teach you to relate to your doomy thoughts and feelings differently. 

8. Talk about it. 

Even though impending doom is such a common feeling lately, “it can be very isolating,” Dr. Stern says. It’s easy to feel like you’re a weirdo or you have to face it by yourself—but bottling your feelings up only makes them more overwhelming. So Dr. Stern recommends confiding in a trusted friend or family member who’s a good listener, empathetic, and balanced in their perspective. 

Sharing your experience can help normalize it. “You might find out you’re not alone with it,”  Tsilimparis says. Talking out your fears might help you see them a little more clearly too. “The more you talk about it, the more it starts to sound a little bit absurd to you,” Tsilimparis says.

9. Think about therapy. 

If what you’re feeling is making it hard to function in your daily life or enjoy things, tanking your mood, or making you feel disconnected in relationships, it’s important to seek mental health support, Dr. Stern says. Not only to help with the sense of impending doom, but you may also be dealing with something bigger like depression or an anxiety disorder. 

That said, feeling a sense of impending doom is a great excuse to start therapy even if it’s not at that level. “You don’t need to reach a certain threshold of distress in order to pursue therapy,” Dr. Stern says. Talking it out with a pro can help you process, cope with, and even start to shift that sense of impending doom. Because it may be a way-too-common experience these days, but it’s not one you have to go through alone.

The post That Sense of Impending Doom? Here’s How to Cope appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 06.13.24

So, Relationship OCD Is a Thing

As the old saying goes, “I love you; it’s ruining my life.” BySam Brodsky

You may have heard about relationship OCD (ROCD for short) while scrolling through TikTok or from your friend who saw it there and texted, “I think I have this thing—HELP.” And while we’ve all probably obsessed over a relationship (or situationship) at some point, this is…not that. 

For starters, someone with relationship OCD would need to actually have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And their symptoms (also known as obsessions and compulsions) center around relationship-based issues, like whether your partner is The One or if they’re cheating, for example.

This isn’t the same as having some relationship anxiety or doubts or even (gasp!) not finding your partner attractive 24/7, notes clinical psychologist and couples therapist Erika Bach, PsyD. Having relationship OCD means that these obsessive thoughts are persistent and make you feel like you need to take action somehow to feel better. Unfortunately, when you do, that relief doesn’t last long. 

Here, we talked to OCD experts about what relationship OCD is, how it’s diagnosed, and how to deal. It doesn’t have to be like this forever, promise.

One quick thing before we dive into the details: Mental health is complex and everyone has a unique experience, so don’t go diagnosing yourself just because you read a few articles on the internet (though, we do appreciate you stopping by to learn a few things). If this resonates with you, consider it a jumping-off point in your journey to getting care. OK, let’s get into it…

What is relationship OCD?

In case you need a refresher, OCD is a mental health condition where you experience persistent and intrusive thoughts, images, or urges (aka obsessions) that can make you super anxious or distressed, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). To ease anxiety or attempt to ensure those thoughts don’t come true, people with OCD feel compelled to repeatedly check something, wash their hands, seek reassurance, or engage in other ritualistic actions. These are called compulsions, and they don’t always make a lot of logical sense, per the DSM-5-TR. 

Relationship OCD refers to those cases where someone’s obsessions and compulsions are focused on their past, future, or current relationships (usually romantic ones). While relationship OCD isn’t specifically called out in the DSM-5-TR, it’s very real and very common, notes licensed clinical psychologist Sam Greenblatt, PsyD. That’s because OCD likes to settle onto things that are important to us, he says, so it’s not a surprise why relationships might be an easy target. 

Some of the most common things people with relationship OCD obsess over are doubts or negative thoughts about a partner or potential partner (Are they caring enough? Do they love me?), themselves (Am I good enough? Did I accidentally cheat?), or their relationship as a whole (Is this kind of partnership right for me?), says Dr. Bach. 

Some OCD-fueled worries can feel pretty irrational and others might not. For example, you might stress that you blacked out and cheated on your partner even if you didn’t drink much, says Dr. Greenblatt. On the flip side, Devin K.*, 28, who was diagnosed with OCD in 2019, says that intrusive thoughts about her partner cheating didn’t seem so out there since it happened in a previous relationship. 

An obsession could also start off as a somewhat reasonable concern but snowball until you’re catastrophizing. Emily S., 29, Presently Bracelets co-founder, who was diagnosed with OCD after she graduated college, says she’d notice her significant other didn’t hold the door open. A thought would interject: Um, why didn’t they just open the door for me?  Then it might turn into, Does this mean they have bad manners? Or if we get married I won’t be happy because I won’t be put first? Maybe they’re not right for me.

If you have OCD, you’ll also have an uncontrollable urge to prove the intrusive thoughts wrong or avoid the anxiety you feel via compulsions. You might try to reassure yourself by re-reading texts, going over old pictures, testing your partner (hello, orange peel theory!), asking Google for signs someone’s “The One,” or replaying memories in your head, says Dr. Bach. You might also actually ask for reassurance from other people or your partner. 

Maybe these all seem like reasonable ways to prove your worries wrong. However! Relationship OCD compulsions create a real sense of “I need to do this thing right now” to alleviate your worries, says Dr. Bach. This urgency can feel like reaching for a cold glass of water when you’re dehydrated, she explains. You gotta  have it. It can also feel physically unbearable to resist compulsions, according to Emily S., who says she’d get a huge knot in her stomach and start to panic.

The tricky part is that compulsions are only a temporary fix. If left untreated, your OCD brain is always going to be like, Well what if we’re wrong?!, says Dr. Greenblatt. “You’re never going to get to that sense of satisfaction or assurance that lasts more than a few hours,” agrees Dr. Bach. And so the cycle of obsessions vs compulsions continues.

How can I tell if I have relationship OCD? 

A single OMG-I-don’t-love-them  thought spiral and reassurance sesh doesn’t mean you have relationship OCD. To be diagnosed, you have to experience repetitive obsessions and/or compulsions for more than an hour a day, per the DSM-5-TR. These symptoms go on long enough to majorly interfere with how you function at school, at work, or in any other area of your life, says Dr. Greenblatt. 

Maybe you’re able to get through your workday without picturing your girlfriend cheating on you. But pretty much all of your free time is spent thinking about it and going through memories, texts between you two, and convos you’ve had about her with friends. 

If you can relate, it could be helpful to find a mental health professional to evaluate you for OCD. They’ll ask you about you and your family’s mental health history and compare your symptoms to the DSM-5-TR  criteria for OCD, says Dr. Bach. They might also use a relationship OCD assessment like the Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Inventory, she adds. “When it comes to figuring out whether you have relationship OCD, it will come down to the level of distress, impairment of functioning in daily life, time spent obsessing or engaging in compulsions, and how difficult it is to not engage in those compulsions,” she adds. 

How is relationship OCD treated?

When you’re constantly in your head, it’s hard to enjoy being with your partner or even commit to relationships at all, explains Dr. Bach. So, it makes sense if you’d want to explore treatment options for relationship OCD. Though there’s no cure for OCD, therapy and medication can help you better manage the obsessive thoughts and compulsions, says Dr. Greenblatt. 

The gold-standard treatment is a type of exposure therapy called exposure and response prevention (ERP), Dr. Bach notes. The goal is to put you in situations that set off your unwanted thoughts and keep you from responding. Not gonna lie, this can be mentally and physically uncomfortable. But continuing to resist teaches you that thoughts aren’t threatening and you can accept uncertainty, Dr. Bach says. 

If you’re going through treatment and realize that your partner’s lack of commitment, sucky communication, or constant reassurance fuels your obsessive-and-compulsive patterns, then couples therapy can help too, says Dr. Bach. 

Some people also take medication like SSRIs to help quiet their obsessive thoughts. Dr. Greenblatt says that when he was on meds for his own relationship OCD, the dread and fear that pushed him to take care of his obsessions were less intense.

Overall, there’s hope, says Dr. Bach. “I wish that more people knew that, with the right skills and the right practitioner who knows what they’re talking about, you can master your ROCD and live in a happy, healthy relationship.” 

*Name has been changed.

The post So, Relationship OCD Is a Thing appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 06.05.24

How to Finally Stop Catastrophizing

Ever think a minor headache is a tumor? BySam Brodsky

Any sign of turbulence means your plane is going down. Your boss sighed at you, so you’re bound to get a call from HR. Your headache is…wayyyy  more than a headache. Welcome to catastrophizing 101, folks.

In case you didn’t know, catastrophizing is when your brain jumps to the worst possible outcome in any situation, says psychotherapist Gianna LaLota, LMHC, clinician at NYC Cognitive Therapy. It’s a type of cognitive distortion, or a faulty line of thinking, that can happen to the best of us. Seriously—anyone can catastrophize, but you may be more prone to this if you have an anxiety disorder or depression, says LaLota. 

We all have intrusive thoughts sometimes, but catastrophizing takes this a step further by assuming the worst-case scenario will  happen and causing you to ruminate over that, says psychotherapist Kristen Jacobsen, LCPC. Plus, catastrophizing is usually rooted in things that are pretty legit. Like, maybe you’re jumping to conclusions because of past experiences where things went wrong, LaLota says. Or, maybe your mind is interpreting anxiety or fear as evidence that you’re in actual danger, she adds. Take turbulence, for example. Feeling scared as your plane bounces can trick your brain into thinking that a crash is inevitable, LaLota explains. 

Catastrophizing is also your mind’s way of trying to get ahead of a bad outcome by preparing you for the hard feelings that come with it, like disappointment or even more anxiety, says Jacobsen. For instance, spending the entire week before a trip worrying about the airline losing your luggage and convincing yourself that that’s productive because, hey, it could  happen!

Despite what anxiety would have you believe, worrying about the future won’t actually change the outcome, but it will almost definitely ruin the present. Catastrophic thinking can, unfortunately, be all-consuming like that, LaLota says.

Worst-case-scenario thinking can impact you physically too. Since your body can’t tell the difference between a real or make-believe threat, it often responds by going into fight or flight mode with intense, panicky sensations like sweaty palms, a racing heart, and stomach issues, says LaLota. Those sensations can also feed into your panic, she says. What a cycle. 

Even though you can’t always stop thoughts from popping in your head, you can  stop the worst-case-scenario worry from spiraling out of control, notes LaLota. To get to that place of handling your catastrophic thinking better, here are therapist-backed tips you’ll want to screenshot ASAP. (I, Queen of anxious thoughts, will for sure be saving these for later!)  

1. Separate yourself from your thoughts.

Getting distance from your thoughts—what’s called defusion—can be the pause you need to see them in a realistic light before you feel out of control, says LaLota. Separating yourself from your thoughts minimizes the power they have because, rather than spiraling, you’re giving yourself time to realize that they’re just…thoughts, she explains.

You can visualize them on a computer screen being typed out or recite them backwards or in a funny voice, LaLota suggests. She also suggests saying, “Oh, what an interesting thought,” to call it out. You can even attribute your catastrophic thoughts to some anxious alter ego named Susan! Some clients have told clinical psychologist Cynthia Shaw, PsyD, that literally just saying “stop” while the worst-case-scenario thoughts are happening helps them snap out of it, she says. 

2. Put your catastrophic thoughts on trial. 

Assessing the probability of the worst-case scenario can help you think more realistically too. Sure, anything is possible, but is it actually likely? Probs not. So, look at the evidence. If you’re scared of flying because you can’t stop picturing the plane crashing, is there anything about the plane that’s making you believe it’s unsafe? Can you look up stats on how often crashes happen? Jacobsen’s all for doing your own research on plane safety. You can also think about every time you or your friends took plane rides and didn’t  crash, she adds. All signs point to a disaster being unlikely.

3. Think about other outcomes.

To help you believe that there are outcomes other than disaster, LaLota suggests answering the following three questions: 

• What is the worst-case scenario?
• What’s the absolute best-case scenario?
• What is the most realistic scenario? 

Sometimes zooming out puts things into perspective, says LaLota. We’re also teaching our minds how to assess threats more accurately instead of believing our negative thoughts, she notes. 

Say you didn’t study for a test. You’re worried you’re going to fail, you’ll flunk the entire class, and you’ll be ashamed for years to come. On the opposite end of possibility, the exam could be easier than you thought and you’d get a great grade. The most probable outcome is that you’d get a below average score on this test but your future won’t suffer too much, says LaLota.

4. Ground yourself.

Jacobsen says that catastrophizing can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you can’t stop worrying about bombing a big presentation, you may get so worked up that you do  screw up, she explains. You’re not this all-powerful being who controls life, but catastrophizing about something can work against you. 

To avoid stuff like that from happening, you’ll want to calm your body and mind down when they’re in panic mode with grounding techniques. Grounding can help reduce your catastrophic thinking by distracting you from the spiral, bringing you back to the present moment, and soothing the physical sensations you might be having, Dr. Shaw says.

One of Dr. Shaw’s favorite techniques is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. If that’s not for you, you can also try playing with silly putty, using a fidget toy, or noticing how a rock feels or looks in your hand, she says. 

5. Get curious about where your worries come from.

Since past experiences can influence catastrophic thinking, one way to get perspective is to ask: OK, is there something that happened before that’s making me think this way?  And: Is there something deeper going on? What am I REALLY afraid of?  “A lot of times, [the deeper fear is] either safety and survival, vulnerability, lack of control, shame, or fear of judgment,” says Jacobsen. This investigative work can help surface the underlying issues or experiences triggering your worries, she explains. And that sucks the power away out of your spiral. Also, you can work through what’s making you catastrophize about the present, she notes. 

Maybe you’re worried that your friend just canceled plans because they hate you. This stress might not be about your friend though! You might have been betrayed by people in your past and you’re subconsciously (or consciously) trying to protect yourself from experiencing that again, says Jacobsen. 

Note: If you’re dealing with past trauma, it might be a good idea to unpack fears associated with that trauma in therapy so you have extra support, Jacobsen says. 

6. Physical symptoms are innocent until proven guilty.

For people whose anxiety centers on health, it’s common to worry that every ache or pain means something is terribly wrong, says Jacobsen. (Me! I’m people!) In those instances, try to give whatever you’re feeling time to work itself out, she notes. Chances are, you’ll be OK in a day or two. If not, you can call your doctor.

7. Explore how you’d handle the worst-case scenario.

When we’re anxious, we’re often overestimating how much of a threat something is and underestimating our ability to cope with that threat, says LaLota. But there’s definitely a difference between worrying about the worst outcome (unhelpful!) and planning for what you’d do (helpful!), she explains. 

Planning sometimes helps us recognize how unlikely the worst-case scenario is or, at the very least, realize that we’re capable of handling our shit, LaLota notes. “If we have confidence in our ability to cope even when things go wrong, the catastrophe, the worst happening, doesn’t seem as daunting because we have that self-trust,” she says.

Here are some questions that can help you feel prepared for the worst, according to LaLota:

• How have you handled a similar situation in the past? 
• What can you do or who can you go to in advance to prepare you for this hypothetical situation?
• What skills do you already have that can help you through this? 

8. Let go of control.

You can look at the evidence and prepare all you want, but the reality is, technically, nothing is certain. So, sometimes the only thing you can do is relinquish a little bit of control, says Dr. Shaw. 

Dr. Shaw recommends imagining the catastrophizing thoughts passing you by—on a log going down a river or on clouds moving across the sky—and just sitting with the emotions you’re feeling without judging. “We cannot protect ourselves from bad things happening,” Jacobsen adds. “That’s life. So work on that acceptance [and tell yourself]: I can control what I can, but there’s also a lot that is out of my control.”

9. Lean into compassion.

No good comes from shaming worst-case-scenario thinking—have you ever worried about how much you were worrying?! Not helpful! Instead, remind yourself that this is your brain’s way of trying to help you prepare for a bad thing, says LaLota. It has good intentions even if it’s a little misguided, she adds. Less shame; more compassion!

The post How to Finally Stop Catastrophizing appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 02.12.24

8 Uncomfy Things That Are Totally Normal to Talk About in Therapy

What you say in therapy stays in therapy. BySam Brodsky

It can be intimidating to divulge dark stuff you’d rather forget (like cheating or suicidal thoughts) to a therapist. But bringing up the random shit that makes you cringe, like the sporadic visual of you punching a baby, isn’t any easier.

It’s valid to feel weird (maybe even embarrassed) about disclosing all this stuff, but it’s a therapist’s job not  to judge you, says relationship therapist Erica Turner, LMFT. That means you can basically talk to your therapist about anything. “Our job is to literally hold your experiences without shame, without judgment, to remain curious, to remain empathetic,” she promises.

That’s cool and all, but, aside from the potential judgery, you might feel like discussing those dark or random things is pointless. Say you’ve been navigating depression with your therapist and aren’t sure if it makes sense to bring up your out-of-the-blue attraction to your best friend. Even if something seems off-topic or NBD to you, if it’s messing with the way you show up in the world or invades your brain more often than you’d like, your therapist wants to know about it. Worst-case scenario is they don’t feel equipped to address that particular issue and they refer you to a specialist who can offer more help, says certified sex therapist Donna Oriowo, PhD, LICSW, MEd. 

In case you need more convincing, we talked to mental health pros about the things their clients are often nervous to discuss but 100% can (and should) bring into the room. Consider this permission to let it all out, friends. 

1. Intrusive thoughts 

The uncomfy brain montage of you and a stranger making out? Weird! But, also, it’s normal. Bizarre ideas like that can pop into your head even if you don’t want those things to happen or truly have no idea where they came from, says psychotherapist Chris Trondsen, LMFT. And your therapist wants to hear about it—especially if it’s bothering you. 

When you broach the subject, you can be as specific as you want about the intrusive thoughts. If you’re uncomfortable saying them out loud, you can always write them down, suggests licensed therapist Jessica Shoflick, LCSW. If that’s still too much, just talk about how they’re affecting you so your therapist can help you deal, notes Trondsen. They’ll be able to remind you that you are not your thoughts and thinking something isn’t the same thing as doing it, he says.

2. Sex

Talking about sex can feel embarrassing as fuck. But therapists have literally heard it all, says Dr. Oriowo. Therapy’s supposed to help you create a life that feels good, and, for a lot of people, sex is part of that, agrees certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT.

If you’re still unsure, you can start by asking if sex is a topic your therapist is fine talking about, says Francis. For example, you can say, “I might want to ask you about some sex fantasies I’ve been having. Is that OK?” From there, if they’re down, your therapist can help you unpack it all. They might empower you to release the shame you feel, notes Francis. Or, they can help you figure out what to do about an issue.  

3. Race-based concerns

If you’ve experienced microaggressions or any other discrimination based on what you look like, you might be nervous to talk about it in therapy. Sometimes that’s because, in the past, someone told you that you’re being sensitive for calling it out or you internalized it as “not a real problem,” says Dr. Oriowo. You also may hesitate to bring it up if you think your therapist can’t relate, she says. 

Still, if you’re comfortable talking about it, a mental health pro can help you unpack the ways colorism and texturism impact your life and relationships, Dr. Oriowo says. “We have been taught that certain people should be devalued based on what the color of their skin is or what the texture of their hair is,” she says. “So in doing the work to unravel the messages that they have internalized about themselves and learning about beauty diversity, they can start to feel better about themselves.”

4. Cheating on a partner 

If Scandoval taught us anything, it’s that people hate cheaters. So it’s no wonder you’d be nervous to bring your own infidelity (not to be confused with ethical non-monogamy) up in therapy. Though, if you don’t, you might be missing out on some helpful or even healing insights from your mental health pro. 

To bring it up, you can start broad and let the therapist ask the followups, says Turner. They’re not going to boo you or refuse to meet with you ever again. They’ll help you get to the bottom of why you cheated, which could be seeking excitement or feeling disconnected from your partner, she notes. Whatever it was, they’ll help you explore that and what you want to do about it, she says. 

5. Suicidal ideation 

Having thoughts about not wanting to be alive is probably not something you’re thrilled to admit, but it’s intel your therapist will want to know. Depending on what you’re comfortable with, you can lead with something vague like, “I’ve been having suicidal thoughts,” or, “I’ve been thinking about not wanting to be alive anymore,” suggests Turner. Of course, you can be more specific with, “I wish I wouldn’t wake up,” but it’s ultimately on your therapist to ask what’s going on, she says. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get the words right.  

Your therapist will likely help you come up with a game plan for staying safe when you have those thoughts, aka a safety plan, says Turner. You might jot down friends and family who always know what to say or how to listen, things that calm you or distract you in the moment, or crisis hotlines to call, she explains.

A mental health pro will also help you suss out your triggers and how to deal, Turner adds. Instead of staying in a spiral, you might plan to go for a walk, journal, or talk to a friend. If your trigger is past trauma, your therapist can help you “bring your brain and body into the present so you are no longer reacting to the situation you already have escaped from,” notes licensed therapist Alo Johnston, LMFT. 

FYI: If you’re worried that bringing this up will result in a one-way ticket to mandatory hospitalization, here’s some helpful info on how to talk about suicidal ideation in therapy and what might lead a therapist to break confidentiality and act on your behalf. 

6. Abuse

Oftentimes people blame themselves or think their therapist will judge them for past or ongoing abuse, Turner says. You might also believe that talking about it will get the abuser in trouble, she adds. (Just so you know, elder and child abuse are typically the only cases of abuse that therapists are required to report, Turner says. Anything other than that would be breaking confidentiality.) 

Because of all of these complicated feelings, it takes a lot of trust to talk about being intentionally harmed physically, emotionally, or sexually, Turner notes. But when you’re ready to bring it up, do it in whatever way feels safe for you, she says. “Therapy, for better or for worse, is a place to bring your pain and to be seen as worthwhile and whole and to have someone hold possibility and hope for your healing,” assures Francis.  

7. Financial issues 

Money struggles can stir up tons of shame and stigma. That can make it difficult to talk to your therapist about financial problems, says Johnston. But therapy can help you process those hard feelings and confront the practical issues. Your therapist can also clue you in on what fears are stopping you from talking about money with other  people, like your partner, says Johnston. The convos might still be hard to have, but you can learn to manage them.

It can also be awkward to bring up your ability to pay for therapy with your therapist, says Johnston. But, instead of just ignoring it and ghosting when it gets too expensive, talk about it. See if they’re willing to work with you. You could say, “I don’t have a job anymore, but I’d like to continue seeing you. Can we work something out?” he suggests. It’s worth a shot!

8. Issues you have with therapy—or your therapist 

Sometimes a therapist might say something you don’t like. You might even feel like therapy’s run out of juice and isn’t helping you anymore. It can seem awkward, but a mental health pro can’t help you if you’re not being fully honest about how it’s going. 

When it comes to correcting their assessments, you can say, “By the way, that’s not what I meant,” or, “I actually think something else is going on,” says Johnston. If confrontation freaks you out, you can email your therapist rather than say this in person, says Dr. Oriowo. Or, you can try a “sandwich” approach, where you put your feedback between two nice statements, suggests Shoflick. That could sound like, “Hey, it’s been great having your support, but I feel X way when you say Y to me. I’m grateful for the space you’ve given me to be so open, but I wanted to tell you that.” However you give feedback, “this is an opportunity to address issues directly and try new skills with someone who wants to do that work with you,” Johnston says. 

You can also break up with your therapist if things aren’t going great or you don’t think you need them anymore. Usually, your therapist should be checking in with you anyway, and they know they won’t be with you forever, assures Dr. Oriowo. Use the last 15 minutes of a session to bring this up with something like, “I’m thinking about maybe not coming to therapy anymore. I’m feeling OK and don’t think that I need it,” she suggests. Then, you’ll probably chat about how you came to this decision and if this should be your final session, she notes. There’s no shame in saying goodbye!

The post 8 Uncomfy Things That Are Totally Normal to Talk About in Therapy appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 01.23.24

5 Things People With Body Dysmorphia Want You to Know

Unfortunately, telling them they look awesome doesn’t help. BySam Brodsky

When psychotherapist Chris Trondsen, LMFT, started high school, he got acne. To him, those breakouts looked extremely severe. “I just felt like I was kind of a monster, a beast, my face wasn’t put together correctly,” he explains. In reality, his skin was like most teenagers’ or maybe even clearer. Multiple dermatologists told him his acne was so mild that he wasn’t a candidate for serious acne medication. Years later, he was diagnosed with body dysmorphia, or body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).

People with BDD (about 1.9% of adults) literally see themselves differently than others do. When you live with this condition, the reality of what you look like is distorted. 

This mental health condition, which is a type of obsessive-compulsive and related disorder, manifests as intrusive thoughts (called obsessions), per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). Those often all-consuming thoughts can center around things like your skin, body shape, face, hair, or other physical features. You might even spend up to eight hours a day obsessing over these things, according to the DSM-5-TR. Sure, we’ve all had moments where we’re super aware of and insecure about our appearance, but in BDD these obsessive thoughts are focused on perceived flaws that are either barely noticeable or don’t register at all to other people.

To manage or soothe those obsessions, people with BDD do repetitive behaviors (compulsions) that are hard to avoid or feel like the only way to put a pin in those thoughts, according to the DSM-5-TR. That could look like compulsively comparing yourself to others, checking the thing you’re fixated on in the mirror or on your phone, trying to fix or pick at whatever’s bothering you, or repeatedly asking your friends and family for reassurance. 

It doesn’t take a psychologist to see that hyper-fixating on imaginary or exaggerated physical deformities messes with your life. Mak D., 25, says that before she was officially diagnosed with BDD in college, her grades dropped and she started isolating at home. She spent nearly all of her free time staring at her thighs and under eyes in the bathroom, crying over how she looked, and texting her friends about her body. “My mental health felt locked inside that bathroom,” she says.  

Yep, it can be pretty rough. Whether you have BDD or you want to be there for someone who does, we asked people with the condition to shed light on what Trondsen says is a super misunderstood disorder. 

1. It’s not always obvious that someone’s struggling.

People might ask you if their cheekbones or hair look weird, but you can’t always tell when they’re dealing with BDD-related obsessions or compulsions. You might be at the movies with a friend who can’t stop mentally comparing their body to your body the whole time, says Mak D. 

Mak D. also hid a lot of what she was struggling with from people by staying home and telling friends she was sick on the weekends. They’d assume she was studying during lunch when she was actually in front of a big locker room mirror she knew no one would be using.

2. People with body dysmorphia really do see themselves differently. 

Like we mentioned earlier, body dysmorphic disorder is way different than just wanting to look good or disliking some part of your face or body. “We see it as deformed or odd or weird-shaped [when it’s not],” Trondsen says. 

Tammy R., 53, started feeling this uncontrollable need to fix her teeth, nose, and jaw in her late 20s. To her, they were significantly deformed. “Thoughts wake you up in the middle of the night, and you’ve got to go to look at yourself in the mirror. And what you look at in the mirror is just so terrible,” she says. “You’re not seeing anything else about you or anything about who you are. You just see this defect.”   

Stephanie T.*, 33, who got a BDD diagnosis two years ago, says she obsesses over a part of her face that, to her, looks much smaller than it used to because of a medically necessary surgery. “While some people say they see a slight difference, many others say they do not, and no one thinks it’s nearly as bad as I think,” she says.

It would be awesome if you could just snap out of the distorted way you see yourself with BDD, but this obsessive-compulsive kind of mental health condition isn’t easy to shake. “I think people who have never struggled with BDD assume it’s like a light switch you can just turn off,” says Stephanie T. 

There’s no easy fix or moment of clarity though. “This preoccupation with our looks is usually so deeply ingrained in us that it takes a lot of time and self-work to see things differently and obsess less over our so-called flaws,” Stephanie T. adds. “My therapist tells me I always see ‘the part for the whole’ when I look at myself. If one feature isn’t as perfect as I want it to be, it means I’m all bad, I’m worthless.” 

3. Body dysmorphic disorder isn’t an eating disorder.

You might’ve heard that people with eating disorders, like anorexia nervosa, can see themselves as much bigger than they are, but that’s not the same thing as BDD, explains Trondsen.

That misconception could be part of the reason why some of Trondsen’s clients with BDD were first misdiagnosed with an eating disorder. But unlike disorders like anorexia, people with BDD are mainly concerned with the structure of their face or body, says Trondsen. They might think their calves are too small, their hips are too wide, or their features aren’t symmetrical, he explains. 

Though it’s totally fair if you were confused, knowing the difference can help you spot the signs of BDD in people you care about and maybe even help them find some professional support. It can also help you avoid topics that might be triggering for your friend or coworker with BDD. For example, you might steer away from discussing how someone looks (them or anyone else), especially from the neck up, says Trondsen. 

For what it’s worth, you can  be diagnosed with both BDD and an eating disorder—it’s something Trondsen sees in his clients quite a bit. And sometimes people will change how they eat because of BDD. For example, Trondsen says he completely gutted how he ate based on things he read could cause breakouts.

4. Compliments don’t help.

Even though you might have good intentions, telling someone with BDD you don’t see what they see or that they look great doesn’t make much of a difference. “No matter how many people I love and trust reassure me it’s fine, I’m the only person who can really convince myself otherwise,” says Stephanie T., who is working on that in therapy. 

Getting reassurance is also just a temporary fix, says Trondsen. He’d ask his mom if his face looked extra red in certain lighting or if his skin was clear, but her answer was never good enough. He’d feel calm for a little while, then go right back to fixating, he says. Or he’d think that people were only giving him compliments because they saw how bad he looked and felt sorry for him. Trondsen sees this in his clients with BDD too. They’ll think their friends and family are lying to make them feel better, he says. 

Julia, 32, who was diagnosed with BDD during her freshman year of college, says that validating her feelings is more helpful than giving her compliments. You could say something like, “I know you’re having a hard time, and I’m sorry you’re going through it,” and then help them think about non-appearance things they rock at, she suggests. Maybe bring up the good advice they gave you the other day or that you’re jealous of how funny their Instagram captions are. 

5. The physical “flaws” may be unfixable, but there is help for BDD. 

In his clinical experience, Trondsen says people with BDD who seek out surgeries or treatments often think they look worse or become preoccupied with another area of their body afterward. It can be very depressing, he says. 

Working with a mental health professional is what’s actually helpful for people with BDD. “The problem is not in your face. It’s in your mind,” notes Tammy R., who says she was horrified seeing the results of plastic surgery she got years ago. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps challenge beliefs about the body parts people with BDD are obsessing over, Trondsen explains. Therapists can also help them practice doing real-life things without their compulsions. For example, someone who’s convinced they’re balding and wears hats all the time might go to therapy without their head covered, then work up to going to the store hatless, he says. 

“Through CBT, I learned that I am someone that people like and want to be around. … We worked through the shame and guilt I had about my appearance and myself,” Trondsen says. “Recognizing that these feelings were from the disorder, not my organic thoughts, helped me let go of those emotions.”

Along with therapy, SSRI medications can ease anxiety and depression symptoms and also quiet ongoing negative thoughts about the body, says Trondsen. Both therapy and meds helped with Tammy R.’s nonstop intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, and depression she felt because of her BDD. Meditating, journaling, and working out has also helped her. You know…stuff that’s good for your mental health. “It was a lot of self-work, and it continues to be,” she says. 

*Name has been changed.

The post 5 Things People With Body Dysmorphia Want You to Know appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 07.20.23

How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts From Ruining Your Life

Brains! Are! Fun! ByLauren Del Turco

If you’ve ever picked up a friend’s baby and had a terrifying vision that you might trip and send that kid flying down a flight of stairs or any other horror movie scenario hijacks your brain, then you’re no stranger to intrusive thoughts, the super normal yet somewhat disturbing phenomenon that plagues all of us at some point. But if you’re wondering how to stop intrusive thoughts from ruining your day/life, we’ve got a few tips. 

Intrusive thoughts are exactly what they sound like: thoughts that intrude on whatever you’re doing right now, explains licensed clinical psychologist Alyssa Faro, PhD, director of clinical services for the OCD Institute for Children and Adolescents. “These feel unwanted and bothersome and pop up seemingly out of nowhere,” she says. Yeah, kind of like an actual home invasion. Sometimes these can be scary, like that dropping-a-baby situation, but others can be harmless or random, like throwing your phone out the car window while you’re driving. 

Thing is, even though we all experience intrusive thoughts with varying degrees of frequency and intensity, there’s no clear reason why these ideas invade our mind. Therapist Aisha R. Shabazz, LCSW, likens them to blips in your noggin’s ability to process the countless bits of information it’s working through every single second—basically glitches in the system. Very obnoxious glitches.

So, what are you supposed to do when you’re sitting with your friends at brunch and suddenly have a freaky thought bomb that involves all of your deaths? Here’s how to stop intrusive thoughts from killing the vibe.

1. Don’t fight it.

Since you obviously don’t want to think about an awful thing, it’s understandable that you might push back against that intrusive thought, telling yourself something like, Stop it! This is effed up! Why am I even thinking this? Knock it off! Wait, is something wrong with me?

Don’t do that though. “The harder you try to push those thoughts away, the more they push back,” says Dr. Faro. “Imagine you’re playing tug-of-war with these thoughts,” she says. “If you stop struggling to try to win and just let go of the rope, they lose the ability to tug at you.” So step numero uno here is to accept that intrusive thoughts, like all thoughts, come and go (even if you’d prefer they do more of the latter).

Instead of judging those thoughts or telling them to GTFO or both, get in touch with how their presence makes you feel, says Shabazz. That way, you’re taking a moment to reflect on your reaction to this brain invader, rather than judging it for existing in the first place. 

Building awareness around how you feel right now can help you gain more emotional intelligence, even if what you’re feeling is, well, not that great. If you need a little help pinpointing your exact emotion, check out this handy feelings wheel. 

2. Do a quick reality check.

Once you’ve done that, you’re ready to start creating some distance between you and the thought (finally). A good way to do this is by asking yourself, Could this actually happen? suggests Shabazz. Chances are, it’s hella unlikely, if not practically impossible—and acknowledging that will help you deflate its impact on you.

If you need some reinforcement here, pretend you’re watching a movie in which your intrusive thought actually happens, Shabazz says. How would you and any other popcorn-eaters react? Would you find it completely absurd? Would you be tempted to walk right out of the theater because the plot is straight-up ridonkulous? If the answer is, “yeah, probably,” then you have more evidence that you don’t have to worry about it happening in your actual life. Insert sigh of relief here. 

“Relocating the thought from your mind into a fictional place distances you from it and leaves room for you to observe it instead of identifying with it,” explains Shabazz. 

And even if it is possible, think about how likely it is to happen to you. Sure, accidents are a thing, but aren’t you relatively careful around babies? And in what world would throwing your phone out the car window actually be a thing you did? Even if it could happen, that doesn’t mean it will.

3. Call the thought what it is.

Another helpful practice here is cognitive defusion, a technique that allows you to see your thoughts as just thoughts, and it can help you feel like whatever random or disturbing thing you’re thinking about is just an idea, not the truth. 

One way to do it is to label intrusive thoughts as thoughts when they butt in. For example, if you think, What if I left the stove on and my house is burning down? shift that to, I’m having the thought that I left the stove on, suggests Dr. Faro. 

This tweak can take the edge off of intrusive thoughts by making you feel less like the thing that just popped into your head is actually happening, she explains. The more you can detach yourself from the thought, the more you deflate its power and the easier it is to brush it right off.   

4. Come back to the now.

Your next step here is to manage your anxiety by changing your focus from The Shining-esque what-ifs to what’s happening IRL.

One of the fastest ways to get back to the present is to use all of your senses, says Shabazz. That means tapping into what you see, smell, hear, feel, and taste. If you’re at brunch, you can do all of these things with your coffee. (Honestly, is there anything it can’t do?)

Pick up your mug and notice how it feels, Shabazz suggests. Is the ceramic smooth against your hands? Can you feel the warmth through it? Then, take a look at your coffee and inhale its life-giving aroma. Go ahead, take a nice, loooooong sip. Listen to your friends ranting about the latest episode of Vanderpump Rules as you taste the deep flavors of your coffee (assuming it’s actually decent…). Bless your tastebuds. 

Quick tip: This whole ~being present~ thing will be a whole lot easier if you practice it regularly. “If you [only do it] when you’re knee-deep in overwhelm, you’re less likely to feel relief when you need it most,” notes Shabazz. So, maybe have yourself a little moment with your coffee on the daily, yeah? 

5. Seek some help if you need it.

OK, no, a therapist can’t tell your intrusive thoughts to GTFO as they come up, but (and this is an important one) enlisting the support of a mental health provider is absolutely, 100% worth doing if intrusive thoughts are impacting your ability to enjoy. your. freaking. life. 

Intrusive thoughts can negatively impact your life when you often consider them plausible, judge yourself for having them, or fixate on trying to make them go away for good, Shabazz explains. Still, a licensed mental health pro can help you manage how often they come up, how intense they are, and the distress they cause you. We love to see it.

The post How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts From Ruining Your Life appeared first on Wondermind.

Essay Link Copied 05.10.23

Just 100+ Anxious Thoughts I Had Today

“Hey, do you think you have cancer?” —My brain BySam Brodsky

Anxious thoughts and I go way back—basically to the womb. As a kid, I’d ruminate on deep stuff until I got a stomach ache. I’d lie awake trying to convince my anxiety-filled brain that my heart and lungs would still work while I slept or obsessing over where the hell we all went when we died or imagining rotting in a casket all alone. I was 7.

As I grew up, anxiety tagged along, vacationing on my shoulder in tiny shades and a sun hat. It’d whisper things in my ear like, “What if you choke on a Werther’s Original and die?” and “What if you don’t die, but the Werther’s Original is stuck in your throat forever?” and “What if you die before Josh from Drake & Josh  dies?” and “What if HE dies from a Werther’s Original because you’re thinking about him dying?” and, of course, “Your headache is probably, definitely a tumor.” You know, normal and adorable adolescent thoughts (my existential dread and death anxiety were cool like that).

When I’m not worrying, I’m worried that I’m not worrying. Take the night I got engaged, for instance. We had dinner on the beach to celebrate, and, as soon as I got back to the Airbnb, I felt like I had to tear the excitement off of me and, well, worry. So I thought, What if you don’t make it to the wedding and everyone has to plan your funeral instead?  Lit. 

I’ve tried my best to understand why my anxiety lingers, and I’m happy to report back from therapy (shoutout to Becky The Therapist) that anxious thoughts like mine often stem from not being able to handle the ever-mysterious, omnipresent Dementor that is uncertainty. Oh, and also generalized anxiety disorder, which I have.

While I’m still trying to de-program my brain from believing I can control what happens in the future by thinking and re-thinking and re-re-thinking about something, I’m very aware that worrying really  just trashes the present. And because I can’t necessarily stop anxiety from whispering sweet nothings horrible shit in my ear, I’m learning to not  take that voice so seriously—even when my thoughts get dark. 

If you can relate, this is for you, my constantly concerned crew. My worried warriors. Here is a (somehow not exhaustive) list of anxious thoughts that entered my brain over the course of a day. Hopefully it makes you feel a little better about your own anxious internal monologue. 

Mere moments after waking up.

You only kissed your fiancé twice before he left for work. Are you sure that was enough? Why are you worrying about how many times you kissed him? He’s coming back after his shift at the firehouse. You’ll see him soon.

…Or will you? What if he’s caught in a fire today? What if he decides not to come back home because he realizes how fucked up your brain is? 

Did you set an alarm so you’re not late for work?

*Checks phone*

Is the dog still breathing?

*Checks underneath the covers to see if my dog, Casey, is in fact breathing* 

While driving to doggy daycare.

Wow, Casey pulled on you a lot this weekend at the beer garden. She might have dislocated your shoulder. Correction: She DEFINITELY dislocated your shoulder.

*Feels shoulder*

OK, so your shoulder’s intact, but what if it’s dislocated and you just don’t feel any pain? What if you move your arm and your shoulder just pops right out of the socket? What if you really don’t have an arm? Like, she ripped it right off and this is a phantom arm? Is that a thing?

*Waves arm up and down* 

Do you think the person in the car right there just saw you do that? Oh my God, you probably looked so stupid. 

Sitting down to start work for the day. 

Feel that? Your head sort of hurts in that weird spot again. Hey, remember that time you got a concussion from a refrigerator? You hit your head pretty hard. This headache could be from when that fridge attacked you.  

*Feels head*

Why does your head slope down like that? The refrigerator definitely made a huge dent.

*Feels head again*

Has your head always been shaped like that? Remember when you went to the hospital after hitting your head a different time (LOL loser) and that doctor made a face after feeling your head?

Do you think if you ever went bald that people would be able to see the huge dent in your head? Do you think you’ll get cancer and need chemo and THEN be bald? God, your skull shouldn’t be shaped like that. Should you get it checked out? Sure, Becky The Therapist said not to make doctors’ appointments out of anxiety anymore, but she doesn’t have to know. 

*Feels head again* 

Cancer. It’s definitely cancer.

While searching for wedding dress inspo online during lunch.

You’re going to have so many doctors’ appointments between now and your wedding. Think about it: It’s a year and a half away, which means you’ll need two rounds of annual visits since you’re due for those soon. That’s not going to be fun for you. You’ll have your annual visits with your gyno, your primary doctor, and the dermatologist. Then, you’ll probably go to the dentist a few times. And who knows what can happen?!  

What if bloodwork turns up abnormal? What if the derm finds a weird mole? What if your headaches come back big time and you need a CT scan? What if you actually feel really sick and go to the hospital and find out you have leukemia? 

Do you know how expensive it’s going to be when you have leukemia and have to pay for treatment? If you don’t get leukemia before the wedding, you could still get it later, like when you’re raising kids. You could die before they reach elementary school. 

You DID have an elevated white blood cell count two years ago. Remember that doctor? He said you were basically fine and then rambled on about some of his patients who thought going vegan would help cure them.

Do you think you should go vegan? Do you think he said you were fine, but you actually aren’t and have been living with leukemia all this time? 

Remember when you hit your head on that refrigerator, though? 

Walking down the stairs.

Hey, your socks are slippery! Slow down! You could fall and crack your head open! Did you just fall down the stairs? Are you SURE you didn’t fall and hit your head? 

*Pauses when I’ve reached the bottom to convince myself I’m standing on two feet*

Oooo remember that fridge incident? Should you just walk around everywhere with a helmet on?  

*Rubs head*  

How many times have you hit your head in your life? What if Mom dropped you as a baby and you were concussed early on? Maybe that’s why your tiny head looked light-bulb-shaped in pictures. Do other people have light-bulb-shaped heads?  

Getting into the car to go food shopping.

Damn, that engagement ring looks nice today, but are any of the diamonds missing?

*Checks*

It looks fine, but…I don’t know. 

*Checks again and counts individual stones out loud* 

Cool, cool. You could get into a crash while driving to Stop & Shop. At least your hand will look pretty when you die. 

When WILL you die? Do you think it’ll happen today or tomorrow? What if it happens suddenly and you literally just don’t know that you died? Would you rather know it’s about to happen? 

Why do people have to die anyway? There are people dying right now. And now. And now. You really don’t want to rot in the ground. 

Shampooing my hair in the shower.

What if your sister dies before she can be your maid of honor? What if there’s some freak accident and you get a call one night that she’s in the hospital and she dies? You’d have to dedicate a speech to her at the wedding reception. And everyone would be crying, coming up to you saying how they wish she could be there.  

Can you imagine her not existing anymore? Life would just keep going without her, and you’d lose your best friend in the entire world. One day that’ll happen to you too. You’ll die, and life will go on. Can you imagine ?

*Cries into conditioner bottle* 

Both of you will die one day. What if you die first? What if she  dies first? Do you think you’ll come back as ghosts? And will you be wearing the clothes you died in, or can you pick the clothes you wear for eternity? What would you wear?! What if you turn into a ghost and you’re just watching everyone do life without you? Holy shit, that would be so weird.

Remember when you concussed yourself with a refrigerator? Are you sure you haven’t been dead this whole time? 

Walking past my bedroom closet. 

You going to check that out? There could be a murderer in there. You don’t want to go to bed later and then the murderer comes out from the closet while you’re sleeping. 

*Checks closet*

Phew, OK. But what if the murderer is actually a ghost and you can’t see them? 

Heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

That’s a fucking HUGE centipede right here! 

*Frantically tries to vacuum it up, but the centipede runs through a crack in the paint*

Jesus Christ. Now that thing’s going to remember you tried to end its life, and it’ll come for you while you’re sleeping. It could quadruple in size and come eat you! A giant centipede could do some major damage! 

*Internal panic*

Here lies Sam: writer, worrier, centipede food.

The post Just 100+ Anxious Thoughts I Had Today appeared first on Wondermind.