Highly Recommend Link Copied 01.03.25

19 Self-Help Books People Actually Swear By

Life’s too short to read crummy books. ByColleen Stinchcombe Additional reporting bySam Brodsky

When it comes to self-improvement, a lot of us get started by scrolling social media for other people’s life hacks and ~big revelations~. That’s cool and all, but there’s only so much knowledge these short clips can bestow upon us. Enter, self-help books.

Unlike the videos in your feed, the best self-help books go deep, carefully breaking down concepts, ideas, and advice for your noggin to absorb. Those insights can provide a fresh point of view and tools to get you through whatever you’re dealing with. 

Some of the best self-help books are also written by people who understand what you’re going through. Whether they’re mental health pros who help clients process this stuff every day or folks with firsthand experience managing these struggles, their perspectives can make you feel less alone.

To help you find the right self-help book for whatever you’re navigating, we asked people for the ones that made a real impact. Whether you’re trying to manage anxiety, a career shift, or a sad patch, these recs will come in clutch.

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WM X AVOCADO Link Copied 06.21.23 Powered By

5 Environmental Activists Tell Us How They Keep Calm

“We can't do everything, but what we can do adds up and can inspire others to do the same.” ByColleen Stinchcombe

When the world is on fire (or rife with unexpected weather patterns and climate disasters), it can be hard to stay grounded. And for those on the frontlines of this fight, burnout can be very real. Every environmental activist knows that fighting for the future of the planet requires ongoing, sustained energy, but they deserve a break just like everyone else. 

It’s impossible to pour from an empty cup, so it’s worth reminding yourself and others that showing up for your community requires you to prioritize your own well-being too. Here, we asked five environmental activists how they practice mental fitness and keep calm while actively engaging in creating a better world. 

Responses have been edited for clarity and length.

1. Hopelessness benefits the current system, so I practice three things to stay mentally healthy.

“To feel hopeless still benefits the current system—it leads to no change. Anger is an understandable emotion. The point is to see what type of action it can lead to that is aligned to our values. But it cannot be self-consuming. As Dr. Maya Angelou noted: ‘You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it.’

I try to think of at least three things that can come into play. The first is a practice of meditation that allows your mind to center, to start from a grounding space. For me, it’s morning jogging. The second is ensuring you take time in a restorative space. The best is nature (other than sleep). So walk in the park, sit by a tree, wander by a creek, and the like. Lastly, non-extractive relationships. As people, even introverts, we can benefit from staying connected to a social community space, from not being lonely and isolated—even if we are alone.” —José Gonzalez, Outdoorist Oath co-founder

2. Boundaries, rest, and hope are a big part of being an activist.

“I have to set boundaries around commitments. I pre-plan when my schedule will be packed up versus when I have more ease. I am beginning to understand the urgent yet cyclical nature of the work as an advocate, learning how to find my own flow between activation and rest. Sometimes self-care is venting to a friend, carving out the space to cry and to feel frustration, or investing in support for daily things in life—like cleaning, therapy, workout classes, etc. The investment in a routine and better habits for myself helps me to feel grounded and accountable. I can’t do this work wholly unless I show up for myself too. Unfortunately, it’s not always cut-and-dry—sometimes you just try and mess up and try again. But as long as the intention and systems for accountability are put in place, I think you can keep finding your way back to center. 

[When it comes to climate anxiety,] I enjoy focusing on solutions, connections, and curiosities on how I can do my part to make the world a better place. In an ecosystem of hope, doomism doesn’t thrive as well. The work I do on the Green Jobs Board gives me hope every day. We are a group of young people building a company to help people across the U.S. (and across the world hopefully soon) learn how to build long-term career pathways to protect people and the planet. Our company aims to bridge the gap and provide easily accessible resources, community, and awareness about the ways people can plug in, take action, and build a whole life working on this issue.” —Kristy Drutmna, founding member and facilitator at Outdoorist Oath, founder of Brown Girl Green

3. I come back to my “why.”

“I wish I could say advocating for Earth was always filled with rainbows and butterflies, and while Mother Earth can make some pretty magical things happen, that’s not always the case. This work can feel heavy and so much bigger than yourself at times, which is why reminding myself of my ‘why’ is so important. For me, that means getting outside and spending time in nature. Whether it’s an afternoon walk around my neighborhood, putting my feet in the grass for five minutes, or taking a weekend camping trip—those moments continually fill me back up with purpose and hope.

My favorite reminder of all is: ‘Do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are.’ I say it to myself a lot and often because it’s true—we can’t do everything, but what we can do adds up and can inspire others to do the same. Showing up for ourselves and the planet looks different for everyone, and that’s the beauty of coming together. We each have unique contributions to creating a brighter planet. At the end of the day, I believe the way we treat Earth is a direct reflection of the way we treat ourselves. So I hope we can all be a little kinder and live a little lighter for a brighter future, together.” —Hannah Tizedes, Great Lakes artist and advocate, founder of The Cleanup Club

4. I focus on decolonizing our concept of rest and self-care.

“A critical part of one’s mental health journey is being intentional about how we recalibrate the false connections between productivity and self-worth that capitalists have created. I’ve had my own difficult journey with unlearning that our inherent worth is based on our ability to scale businesses and personas into perpetual growth, rather than see our work, art, and existence as something that is meant to flourish in the ongoing tensions of uncovering reciprocity with those around us. 

This helps keep me grounded in how mainstream narratives around ‘self-care’ forget that much of our personal care is deeply rooted in community care—and that capitalism has pushed us into corners where we feel accomplishment must be sought alone. I often see our capacity to grow as communities harmed as we’re caught between the realities of capitalism and how this pushes up against self-worth, so in today’s landscape I believe intentional reclamations of rest that are supported with decolonial learning and community building are key.” —Diandra Marizet Esparza, executive director at Intersectional Environmentalist

5. I find power and resilience in being part of community action.

“My journey with climate anxiety truly transformed for the better once I took the first step to learn more and join a climate group to take action. My wonderful friends and fellow activists fighting for a safe future give me the courage to keep standing up. Hope comes from action, and from being part of the movement. Feeling the power we have collectively and being surrounded by others fighting for the same thing is a feeling which cannot be told or read about; it is something one must experience for themselves. 

A quote I love [from Angela Davis]: ‘You have to act as if it were possible to radically transform the world. And you have to do it all the time.’

The future I want to create is also one with joy. Joy is sustainable. And so I make sure to embody this and unite things I love for our planet, such as music and creative arts. Being in nature brings me a feeling of calm. Being present and connecting with nature and embracing the beauty of the world around us. Listening to birdsong, watching birds and noting down what I see, identifying trees, [and] smelling flowers is all part of it.

As a neurodivergent person, it is also crucial for me to understand that I cannot force myself to try and navigate the world like a neurotypical person. My brain is wired different. So, speaking to people, asking for accommodations, knowing my capacity and [the] energy things take, and knowing when to take a break [is important].” —Dominique Palmer, climate justice activist, coordinator for Climate Live

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Pro Tips Link Copied 06.15.23

How to Handle Friendship Conflicts Like an Adult

Because there’s plenty of middle ground between ignoring it and having a Bravo-reunion brawl. ByColleen Stinchcombe

Friends are the best. Having people who are there for you, support you, inspire you, and send you relatable memes (“lol it’s us”) is one of life’s greatest treasures. But that doesn’t mean you’ll never experience some tension (or, worse, a full-blown fight) with your friends. And that can be a major stressor in our lives, especially since most of us aren’t experts at how to handle conflicts in our friendships.

If you’d rather stick your hand in an ant hill than bring up a conflict with a friend, we get it. Our culture tends to emphasize being “cool” and letting things slide. But that’s probably not helping your bond. 

“When we turn toward avoidance, we turn away from healthier connections,” says Miriam Kirmayer, PhD, clinical psychologist and friendship expert. “The healthiest, closest friendships are ones where people will say, ‘Yeah, we have had disagreements, we’ve had arguments, and we’ve been able to work through those together.’”

Not to mention that addressing and resolving friendship issues is great practice for other areas of your life too. Navigating sticky friend situations can help you develop the skills to get through relationship issues with partners, colleagues, and even children, says Dr. Kirmayer. 

But addressing problems with friends maturely and calmly takes practice, and you might feel a little (or a lot) uncomfortable at first. Take a deep breath, be brave, and try one of the techniques below for managing different conflicts.

What to do if: You don’t feel like your friendship is being prioritized.

As with most beefs, you don’t want to assume you have all the information or that you know exactly what your friend is going through. One technique that therapist Chase Cassine, LCSW, recommends for these conversations: “Name the situation, say how you’re feeling, and explain how you want to resolve it,” he says.

In the case of feeling like your friend isn’t showing up for you, that might look like: “Last week we had plans to hang out and you canceled. That’s happened a few times recently, and I’m feeling hurt. Can we talk about it?”

If this is a problem that’s been bothering you for a while, it might be worth getting a little more vulnerable about how it’s affecting your view of the friendship. Dr. Kirmayer recommends a phrase like, “The story I’m telling myself is…” 

For example: “The story I’m telling myself is that you don’t want to see me.” This allows space for you to share what you’re feeling, while also admitting that your truth is only half of the story. This way, you’re inviting them to respond just as honestly without judgment. 

What to do if: The friendship feels competitive.

If you both enjoy a little competition, then no biggie. Maybe they’re the Paris Geller to your Rory Gilmore and it just works. But if not, Dr. Kirmayer says to start with a little self-reflection. Again, it helps to hone in on the story you’re telling yourself, she says. Is there actual evidence that you two are competing in some way? Or are you maybe comparing yourself to your friend more than you should? You might just need to work on your own self-talk rather than confronting your person.

But if it does feel like an interpersonal issue—your friend can’t seem to hear your good news without trying to one-up it with her own accomplishments—address the problem as a dynamic rather than blaming your friend. “Frame it as something that’s co-constructed,” Dr. Kirmayer explains. For example, you might say: “I’ve noticed that some of our conversations can take on a layer of competitiveness. Have you noticed that? Or does it surprise you that I’m saying it?”

Your next move will depend on how your friend responds. For example, maybe your friend might explain that they’re not trying to compete with you at all—they’re super, truly, and genuinely happy for you, and they brag about how amazing you are all the time. Hopefully that helps you reframe the crummy feelings you’ve been having about it, so next time it feels less like competition and more like mutual sharing. Or maybe they explain what’s happening on their end, and you find that you’ve been playing into the dynamic too (whoops). In that case, you can brainstorm possible solutions together, like making an effort to give words of affirmation or congratulations before diving into your own good news. 

What to do if: Your friend’s comments feel judgemental or harsh lately. 

First, avoid generalizing, which is a really easy thing to do when feeling hurt. Generalizing looks like, “You’ve been really mean to me lately,” or, “You’re always saying negative stuff.” Instead, get specific and try to keep your tone calm, Cassine says. 

He recommends something like, “I want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me. Last time we hung out, you said X. You may have meant it as a joke, but it really affected me.”

The goal isn’t to punish your friend but to give concrete examples rather than being vague or passive-aggressive, Cassine says. Your friend might have questions or want to explain what they meant. To avoid a constant back-and-forth of you-said-no-you-said, try to keep the conversation geared toward the future rather than rehashing the past more than once. After you’ve both said your peace, how can you avoid these kinds of comments (or misunderstandings!) in future convos? Maybe you agree to skip sharing feedback on something that you feel a little insecure about—or you just avoid that topic altogether. 

What to do if: Your interests and opinions kinda conflict sometimes.    

Hey, friends don’t always agree on everything. Maybe it’s about what you like to do for fun (the party friend and the introvert friend), where you enjoy living (the city friend and the suburb friend), or how you approach finances (the friend who drops thousands on concert tickets and the friend who…doesn’t). When you have mismatched interests in these areas, it can be awkward to work out, and you might both end up feeling like the other one is criticizing your choices whenever they don’t align.  

Dr. Kirmayer’s recommendation: Don’t take their preferences personally, and remember that neither of you is wrong—or, rather, you’re both right. “Whatever tension arises isn’t something that the other person is doing to you, it’s something that they’re doing for themselves,” Dr. Kirmayer says. Next comes compromise—but don’t freak out. Most people assume that compromise means one person totally loses out on what they’re looking for, says Dr. Kirmayer. But that’s a bad deal. Instead, compromise should be about brainstorming ways you can both get as much of what you want as possible.  

Let’s imagine you’re on vacation and you want to spend all your time at the beach while your BFF wants a museum buddy. There are lots of ways to solve for this that involve both of you winning. Maybe you split your time evenly, or maybe you come up with a third idea that hadn’t been on either of your radar—like a guided walk that gets you out in the sun and your friend immersed in culture. Or you can try to look at the history of the friendship and see whose “turn” it might be to pick the plan. “The important thing is that you talk about not just what the solution is but how you’re coming to that solution together,” Dr. Kirmayer explains.

What to do if: You fundamentally disagree on something major. 

You probably have some friends that feel like they’re an extension of you walking around with a copy-and-paste of your exact brain. And then there are friends that you love and appreciate despite not being on the same page about some big things—like politics, religion, science, whatever. It’s absolutely possible to have friends with different viewpoints on these subjects, but if those viewpoints or actions feel discriminatory or unsafe for you or your loved ones, that can be a lot harder to work around. 

Depending on how extreme the situation is, you might be able to preserve the friendship by upping your boundaries. This might look like agreeing to avoid a certain topic, or it might mean deprioritizing the friendship so that you’re only seeing each other in larger group settings and keeping conversations more surface-level, says Dr. Kirmayer. 

But friendship should feel chosen, reminds Dr. Kirmayer, who offers a few key indicators that it might be time to choose to step away: “When the friendship comes at the expense of your well-being, when it’s a clash in values that leads you to feel chronically unsafe or unseen, [and] when you have done all you feel you can do and there doesn’t seem to be a change.” If that sounds like your situation, it might be time to let the friendship go.

We’ll be blunt here: These conversations are rarely easy. Dr. Kirmayer recommends explaining what feels broken about the friendship and why the subject of this disagreement is important to you. Remember, the goal isn’t to convince the other person that your viewpoint is correct. You’re offering your perspective, acknowledging that they may have a different one, and expressing how you feel about the state of your friendship in those circumstances. 

What to do if: You’re caught in the middle between friends. 

Social media and buddy comedies might make big friend groups look ideal, but they come with their own set of issues. Like… if two of those friends are fighting, and you’re having to hear all about it. 

The good news? It’s a great time to practice boundaries, Dr. Kirmayer says. First, you’ll want to figure out what’s making you uncomfortable. Are they asking for advice? Are they forcing you to (or implying that you should) pick sides? Is it that they’re sharing information not meant for you? Is it that you just don’t feel comfortable hearing about it at all?

Once you figure that out, it’s time to tell your friends—probably separately. Be sure to remind them that you support them both and are neutral in this matter. Then explain what you are and aren’t comfortable with. For example,“I know you’re going through a hard time right now, but I’m not comfortable giving advice about our mutual friend.” Or you might say, “I love you both and I’m really not comfortable being in the middle, so I’d prefer we didn’t talk about what’s going on between you two.”

Your friends might have follow-up questions, and together you can navigate what is and isn’t on the table. For example, one friend might want to know if they can talk more generally about the falling out (like that they’re feeling betrayed or isolated or lonely, but not giving you a play-by-play), and you’ll have to decide whether you’re OK with that.

You might have to remind your friends a few times what you are and aren’t comfortable with before it sinks in, and that’s OK, Dr. Kirmayer says. “Set and reset” boundaries, she says. “The truth is it often takes people a few times to not just hear something but really listen and be able to follow.”

The post How to Handle Friendship Conflicts Like an Adult appeared first on Wondermind.

Essay Link Copied 06.02.23

I Hate How Much the ‘Silly Little Mental Health Walk’ Actually Works

Sometimes the internet is right. ByColleen Stinchcombe

If you’re on the mental health side of TikTok, you’ve probably seen people stomping with grumpy faces through all kinds of weather, usually backed with peppy, retro video game-style music in the background. (Exhibit A.) “Going for a stupid walk for my stupid mental health,” text reads over the video. While social media isn’t always known for doling out great wellness advice, I’m here to tell you that the silly little mental health walk actually works. At least for me. 

I’m no stranger to exercising for mental health benefits. I tend to discover new physical hobbies and dive into them with gusto, spending several months hiking, running, indoor climbing, or weight lifting like it’s my job. Hiking helped me process my mother’s death—so much so that I spent three months backpacking 1,000 miles one summer. Biking for hours at a time got me through the first pandemic summer. Other activities have helped to manage day-to-day stress, waves of anxiety, and big life transitions, like moving to a new state.

But I always kind of rolled my eyes at walking. Walking was something you did to get from point A to point B. It was something to do when my knees couldn’t keep up with jogging anymore. I felt like short walks wouldn’t quite scratch the itch I was looking for. I wanted that emptied-out feeling after a hard workout, where I didn’t have the energy to stress about minor details.

Here’s what happened when I tried the silly little mental health walk. 

Last December, I found myself in a training lull. My body just wasn’t interested in pushing itself, but I felt aimless without a physical goal to work toward. That’s when I kept seeing these TikTok videos on my feed. (The algorithm!) I thought, What the heck—until we figure out what to do next, let’s go on a silly little mental health walk. 

Much to my own surprise, my grumbling, broody brain took a breather. It was nice to be outside. Despite not hurrying along, my heart rate increased. My legs liked moving. And while the walks didn’t give me that cleansed feeling I get with a harder effort, I was still in a much better mood than when I’d walked out the door.

I live in the Seattle area, so going on a walk often means rain. Much of the year, it’s chilly and dark. I typically have time later in the day, after work when I’m feeling antsy, cooped up, and the sun is rapidly setting. Not the most welcoming invitation for a walk. Even with the quick, early benefits I experienced, I often think, No, I don’t have time. I need to go run this errand instead. Or, It’s raining. I don’t want to go out there. 

But I’ve never regretted a day that I’ve gone—even when I’ve gambled without a rain jacket and come back drenched. Even when I got distracted looking at a sign, stepped awkwardly on a curb, and fell to my hands and knees so badly that my leg was scratched and bruised for weeks. I’ve even come up with tricks to get myself going: On days I’m really fighting a walk—usually a good sign I need one—I head out in the same sweatpants I’ve been wearing at my desk. No special outfit required, the way it can be for runs or gym days.

I know I’m a sample of one in this unscientific study, but there’s actually really good evidence that walking can help with your mental health. According to a systematic review and meta-analysis published in JAMA Psychiatry, people who walked for 75 minutes a week (half the amount of weekly exercise recommended for other health benefits) were 18% less likely to experience depression than people who weren’t active. When people got the full 150 minutes of recommended exercise through brisk walking, their risk of depression was 25% lower than people who didn’t. In one Chinese study, walking consistently improved people’s emotional health regardless of how long their walks were or whether they walked through a polluted environment. The more often they walked, the better they felt. 

Why do mental health walks work? 

“Movement and physical activity are excellent for managing anxiety, breaking out of a depressive moment or phase, or feeling activated with tough feelings like overwhelm or anger,” says Jessica Stern, PhD, clinical psychologist at NYU Langone Health. “It allows us to work off any energy that is overwhelming or holds us back. Or, in the case of depression, it can help us get out of our space or our routine when we may otherwise feel unmotivated to do much. It allows us to shift our perspective and experience the world around us and can give us an opportunity to prioritize ourselves.”

That shift in perspective and experience is one of the benefits I’ve noticed most. I start out grumpy, but then I wave at a fellow walker or notice something happening in my neighborhood—a cable being replaced, an arborist high in a tree trimming limbs, the cherry blossoms blooming—and my irritation is replaced with curiosity. 

Still, as nice as walks are, they’re not a magical cure-all. Some days I still manage to ruminate, no matter how many pretty flowers I pass. And despite its ability to reduce the risk of depression, Dr. Stern says it’s not a substitute for treating mental health conditions.

“Walking alone will not ‘fix’ mental health struggles, so for individuals who are struggling, mental health treatment may be crucial or beneficial,” she explains. But don’t write it off just because it can’t do everything. “Walking can be an excellent add-on and, in some cases, may be sufficient for someone who has made progress with treatment or may have a lower level of struggling,” she says.

OK, but if walking is good for your brain, running and other physically taxing sports must be better, right? Not necessarily. “For other exercises, like running or hiking, we are typically focused on the activity, whereas in walking, it encourages us to either focus on the world around us or to think and process internal experiences,” Dr. Stern says. “It is also an activity that can be much more sustainable than more rigorous types of movement.” While not everyone can exercise regularly, most people can manage to get out for a little fresh air every once in a while. That lower barrier to entry can be huge when you’re going through something—physically or mentally. But the habit itself is helpful for everyone, even seasoned athletes, says Dr. Stern. 

Of course, there’s a big caveat here: Every one of us is different, just as our environments are. Taking a stroll around your city might not be a relaxing, restorative, or safe practice. And the advice to “just go for a walk” can be particularly frustrating for some people, like those dealing with chronic pain, trauma, physical limitations, and so on. So keep in mind that your mileage may vary and that this mental health advice, like all others, isn’t one-size-fits-all. 

So yes, I still like hard, grueling exercise, and I’m excited to get back to trail running and long days in the mountains. But I’ve got to hand it to TikTok: They were right about those silly little mental health walks. On my toughest days, walking out my front door—even for 15 minutes—puts me in a much better headspace. Even if I’m grumbling about how stupid it is as I lock the door.

The post I Hate How Much the ‘Silly Little Mental Health Walk’ Actually Works appeared first on Wondermind.

WM X AVOCADO Link Copied 05.18.23 Powered By

How to Deal With All Your Climate Anxiety

Anyone else feeling sweaty and stressed? ByColleen Stinchcombe

If you’re anything like us, you’ve had some conflicting feelings on these recent unseasonably warm days. On the one hand: Hello, outdoor dining weather and beach days in May. But also: Um, Earth, you good? As temperatures and rates of extreme weather incidents soar, so does our collective climate anxiety. Basically we’re all sweaty and stressed about the planet…especially on days that we didn’t expect to be quite so sweaty. 

While not an official diagnosis, climate anxiety is a term used to describe the sometimes overwhelming feelings of worry, grief, sadness, hopelessness, and other emotions around climate change. And it’s really common: more than two-thirds of U.S. adults say they experience it, according to a survey by The Harris Poll on behalf of the American Psychological Association. 

Climate anxiety can take a lot of forms depending on your situation. You might be a young person who’s freaking out about what the world will look like 50 years from now or you might be directly experiencing climate disasters already. Maybe you’re worried about what this all means for your kids—whether you’re already a parent or contemplating becoming one. It’s a lot. 

For some people, climate anxiety can also look like avoiding the topic altogether or mentally checking out, says Laura Carter Robinson, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Michigan focused on helping adults and college students experiencing climate distress. Relatable? Yes. Helpful? Not so much. 

One of the first steps to dealing with climate anxiety is acknowledging that the fears are there and that it’s valid to be concerned. Those feelings are not in themselves an issue. In fact, they’re a beautiful thing, Dr. Carter Robinson says. “They speak to how much you care about the planet,” she says. 

That said, if your feelings about our increasingly chaotic climate are causing you distress, despair, or to disengage, there are some ways to process these big emotions and work through them. Here’s what you can do with all that eco-anxiety. 

Let yourself feel multiple feelings. 

When it comes to moments of dissonance—like the simultaneous joy and trepidation you feel when it’s 90 degrees in New York City…in May—practice embracing the both/and or in-betweens of emotions. “Part of living a full human experience is saying things are never totally good and they’re never totally bad,” says Amanda Feaver, LPC, a climate-aware psychotherapist in Oregon. Sporting short sleeves and taking a walk in the park doesn’t demonstrate a lack of care for the environment; neither will feeling grateful for a warm day. “It’s OK to enjoy the sun and it’s also OK to be really sad about ecological shifts and climate change,” she says. 

Practice calming your nervous system, especially when you’re out in nature. 

Climate change is happening, but we have to find ways to not despair. “We’re not going to get out of this in our lifetime, and so learning how to mitigate that distress is going to be really helpful for us to be resilient throughout our lifespan,” Feaver says. 

Breathwork and meditation practices can be great stress-relievers, but if those don’t appeal to you, you can start by just spending more mindful time in nature. “Being out in the natural world with other beings is incredibly calming. There’s a lot of research that suggests things like gardening or walking in forests or walking along the water really calms the system down,” Feaver says. Even sitting in your own backyard or front porch or touching some nearby grass can help.

A more intentional mindfulness activity in nature might help, too, like taking time to look closely at a particular tree or flower, says Dr. Carter Robinson. “Don’t think of it as a flower or tree, but notice the colors. Notice the shapes that you see. Notice the shadows, notice the lines, notice the textures, and just let yourself go into that space,” she says. 

If being outside triggers your feelings of grief or anxiety around climate change, try starting smaller to ease back in, Dr. Carter Robinson says. That might be as simple as visualizing nature or spending less time outside to start. But if you’re really struggling to find any peace in nature due to climate anxiety, that’s a good reason to speak with a mental health professional if you can. 

Connect with people who understand your concerns. 

A lot of people feel like they’re alone in their worries about climate change. But a recent study by the Yale Program on Climate Change Communications found that 64% of Americans are at least “somewhat worried” about climate change, and over half feel “disgusted” or “sad.” 

It can be incredibly isolating to feel like you’re alone in your fears, so connecting with people who get your eco-anxiety can be a great way to feel validated and supported. “Whether that’s friends or families, youth climate groups, either online or in person, climate cafes—there are lots of ways to find other people who are like you,” says Dr. Carter Robinson. “When we connect with other people, we’re less anxious and less lonely.” 

Of course, there’s a fine line between validating each other’s concerns and ruminating over them, so if you find yourself getting more anxious when you connect with others over climate concerns, that might be a sign to take a break or find a more action-oriented group. 

Set some healthy limits on your news consumption. 

Checking out of climate change can be a sign of not dealing with it, but that doesn’t mean you need to subject yourself to an endless feed of doom and gloom. In fact, 56% of people listed media coverage of extreme climate events as a top cause of their eco-anxiety, according to a survey by OnePoll on behalf of Avocado. 

“We have to protect ourselves from some of the vicarious trauma that we experience from being exposed to that,” Dr. Carter Robinson says. That doesn’t mean ignoring developments in climate change—but setting limits is important. “It’s preserving your own ability to function and, in turn, that preserves your ability to care,” she says.

A few simple things you can try, courtesy of Dr. Carter Robinson: Limit yourself to one trusted news source rather than multiple feeds, increase the number of solutions-focused climate sources you read, and monitor how you feel when you’re reading. If a particular source tends to send your stress levels soaring, consider removing it from your lineup.

Pick one small action to take.

There are a million things that can be done to help the planet, but no one person can do all of them. In fact, trying to do too many things at once can be paralyzing. “Don’t try to overhaul your whole life. Most of us don’t have the stamina for that,” Feaver says. Instead, “pick one thing to start with that you can fall in love with,” she says. Maybe that’s working toward eliminating single-use plastics in your home, or volunteering at a community garden, or working with an organization to protect your local waterways. 

Change your focus to the future you want to see.

Anxiety can keep us stuck in imagining worst-case scenarios. That’s hard on us, and it’s no good for the planet either, Dr. Carter Robinson says. “Climate change is real and it’s frightening and we need to act quickly,” she says. But panicking only makes it harder to focus on solutions.  

She encourages people to shift their focus. Instead of keeping a mental list of everything that’s gone wrong with climate change, she asks people to envision the future they want to live in. “Use that instead of fear as your motivation,” she says. Then, find small but meaningful ways to work toward creating that future. 

The post How to Deal With All Your Climate Anxiety appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 04.10.23

12 Coping Skills to Try the Next Time You’re Feeling Crappy

Because buying yourself a little treat every time you’re sad isn’t technically ~fixing things~. ByColleen Stinchcombe

Let’s say you’re having an objectively awful day. You spilled coffee all over yourself. Your car won’t start. You just got dumped. And you’re pretty sure your boss, best friend, and barista are all annoyed with you. So, yeah, things are not great. 

Coping skills are what you use to deal with crappy situations like this and the big feelings that come with them. Put simply, coping skills are any “strategies that someone can use to overcome difficult emotions, thoughts, or experiences,” says Jessica Stern, PhD, clinical psychologist at NYU Langone Health. You might also hear them called coping mechanisms or coping strategies. 

Whether you realize it or not, you already have a collection of coping strategies that you turn to when things get real. Maybe you vent to a friend or therapist, sweat it out in the gym, take some deep breaths, mindlessly stare into the abyss of TikTok or a Real Housewives marathon, or click “add to cart” with reckless abandon. 

If you’re thinking, Hm, not all of those activities seem like super productive ways of working through your feels, you would be right. Coping mechanisms can be both negative and positive. 

A negative or unhealthy coping strategy might help turn down the volume on an intense emotion in the moment, but it ultimately isn’t helpful to you in the long-term, and it likely isn’t helping you process or solve the issue at hand, says Ryan Howes, PhD, a clinical psychologist based in Pasadena, CA. You can probably name some negative coping strategies off the top of your head, like drinking, distracting yourself, or over-indulging in pretty much… anything. 

Positive coping skills can be a little bit harder to pinpoint—especially when you’re already spiraling. That’s why a huge part of therapy is helping people to identify and practice using positive coping skills when hard stuff inevitably comes up. Generally these are techniques that help you work through an emotion (sometimes called emotion-focused coping or emotional regulation), help you solve a problem (problem-focused coping), tune into your body (somatic coping skills), or interact with others (interpersonal coping skills). 

If you need some help assembling your toolkit (or Notes app) full of healthy coping skills, try some of these therapist-approved strategies the next time you’re going through it. 

1. Move your body around. 

The “silly little mental health walk” went viral for a reason. Movement can be a solid way to release some of the energy that comes with big feelings, says Dr. Howes. That could look like a walk, some stretches, spontaneous dancing around your bedroom, or doing an actual workout. There’s no set amount of time or effort you need to aim for; just be on the lookout for when you start to feel your body “simmering down,” he says. That may be a good time to transition to the mindfulness exercise phase of your ~coping journey~ (more on those in a bit). 

Moving around can also help when you’re feeling sad or unmotivated, says Dr. Stern. If you’re trying to level up from a low mood, she suggests aiming for 10 minutes of walking around to get energized. Pace around the house, walk up and down stairs, or wander around some green space. “Any type of walking movement is really good for you, and if you can do it outside, bonus points,” she says. 

2. Give yourself a “worry time.” 

Circling around the same feeling or thought and struggling to let it go? Use a trick from cognitive behavioral therapy and actually schedule time for your “worry” (or whatever other feeling you’re having), says Dr. Stern. Give yourself ten whole minutes to either write down or think about what’s bothering you. Then take a break and tell yourself you can come back to it later if you need to. 

To make the shift out of worry time  a little easier, Dr. Stern suggests having an activity planned for after—call a friend, go outside, pet your dog, whatever. “That way you have something to catch you on the other side of that technique,” she says. If your brain is still struggling to let it go, remind yourself you can worry about it again for ten minutes tomorrow. The goal isn’t to minimize or avoid your feelings, but rather to give yourself a break from ruminating on them while also allowing yourself to come back to these concerns at a later date, she explains. 

3. Write it out.  

Journaling is a go-to technique in therapy for a reason—it’s simple, free, and it can be a great way to process what you’re going through. You can just write whatever comes to mind or use journaling prompts, Dr. Stern says. If you’re cool with investing a bit in your journaling journey, you can even buy special notebooks that have prompts built in. Dr. Stern recommends Therapy Notebooks, which were created in collaboration with mental health professionals. 

4. Get grounded.

Mindfulness techniques that keep you grounded in the present moment are great additions to your coping skills repertoire. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, pause and intentionally notice one thing with each of your five senses. What do you hear (maybe a bird, or a TV, or the refrigerator humming)? What do you see (a cloud, a plant, a cute dog)? What do you smell? What do you taste? What can you physically touch? 

“That has a way of calming the nervous system,” Dr. Howes says. “Overwhelm tends to send us in all sorts of different directions—we’re worried about the future, we’re worried about the past. If you just go through those five senses, it can help you to stay grounded.”

5. Try progressive muscle relaxation. 

This body scan exercise is another mindfulness technique that Dr. Howes recommends when you’re feeling anxious or tense. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, clench your toes together, then exhale and let your toes relax. Repeat this with different muscles as you move upward—your calves, your thighs, your core, your arms, the muscles of your face, and so on. This practice “helps you become more aware of what’s going on in your body,” Dr. Howes explains. Also, this intentional clenching and releasing of different muscle groups can be surprisingly relaxing—especially if you’re feeling a lot of tension.  

6. Throw on a guided meditation that fits your situation.

Before you get intimidated by the thought of sitting quietly with your breath for an unforeseen amount of time, hear us out. Guided meditations can be a great way to counter your inner dialogue if it’s feeling particularly critical or cranky. 

If you don’t know where to start, you can literally just Google “self-compassion meditation” and you’ll find a bunch to choose from. The goal is to practice giving yourself “the compassion and the understanding that you would extend to somebody else in your situation,” Dr. Howes says. That can provide “a much more balanced view of ourselves.” 

Or if what you’re feeling at the moment is more about other people, try searching for a loving kindness meditation. “Loving kindness meditation is one where you actually envision all sorts of people in your life—from people you love to people you resent—and wish them joy and happiness,” Dr. Howes says. This can help us recognize that other people have flaws and we can love them anyway (though you don’t necessarily have to let them back in your life.)  

7. Talk back to your negative thoughts.

Our brains are really good at serving up worst-case scenarios, but that’s a biased lens, Dr. Stern explains. So challenge yourself by asking: What are other ways of looking at this situation? What other perspective can you take? What assumptions are you making that probably aren’t even true? 

For instance, maybe you’re having thoughts like, I’m a failure and totally unlovable. How can we poke some holes in that argument? Maybe, I have a job that pays me real money. I have something (anything) in my life that I’m proud of. There’s something about myself that I love, and if I called someone close to me they would probably say there’s something they love about me too. 

8. Do a quick gratitude check-in.  

If you tend to slip into jealousy or feeling like you’re falling behind, Dr. Howes recommends a simple gratitude practice. It works best if you can make it part of a daily habit—like pairing it with brushing your teeth—and all it requires is thinking of three things you’re grateful for. “That helps keep your mindset on, What’s going well for me? What am I thankful for? Instead of, Why don’t I have that?” he says.  

9. Get creative. 

Creativity is a coping skill that’s used in both cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy because it “helps you come out of your thoughts and your experience … and gives you a way of thinking of something new,” Dr. Stern says. It’s a good coping strategy for both anxiety and depression, and it can even help you work through interpersonal conflicts like a fight with a friend, she explains. 

There are no real rules when it comes to using creativity as a coping skill, so feel free to enjoy the unguided-ness of the practice, Dr. Stern says. But if having absolutely no rulebook freaks you out, you can also try an activity that has some level of instruction, like a puzzle or paint-by-numbers kit.

10. Brainstorm a bunch of possible solutions to the problem. 

The key to this technique is not to judge the solutions while you’re making the list—just get all possible solutions down before deciding what makes sense. Sure, quitting your job and moving to Hawaii probably isn’t going to solve whatever issue you’re up against, but just getting ideas like that out of your head and onto the paper can be cathartic. You can also do this with a friend who might offer up new perspectives you never even considered.

Next, get to work on narrowing down your options by thinking about how this might help the problem you’re facing. “You’re making a list and you’re assessing and evaluating how effective [solutions on] that list might work for you,” Dr. Howes says. 

11. Rethink your routine. 

If you’re dealing with burnout, one way to tackle it is to figure out where you can pull back. Dr. Howes recommends writing down your current daily schedule even down to the smallest tasks. Then ask yourself some hard questions, like: Where is most of your time going? What’s draining your energy the most? How much does each thing on your schedule really matter to you? 

“It sounds simple, but sometimes people don’t even realize, Oh my gosh, I’m spending two hours a day doing some activity that is not fulfilling for me or is totally wiping me out,” Dr. Howes says.

12. Look for the lesson. 

Regret is one of those big emotions that Dr. Howes says he often sees in his practice. Finding the lesson is how he recommends clients work through it. Basically, we’re all going to make mistakes, so instead of focusing on the mishap, try to focus on what you can learn from this moment of regret. What can it teach you about what you want to do differently next time?

For instance, maybe you took a new job and immediately realized you hate it. You might feel trapped and hopeless and frustrated—which is valid! But instead of letting yourself stay in that feeling too long, look for ways to keep moving forward by focusing on what this moment is teaching you. Maybe there’s something you can learn in this new job that will help you pivot in a few months, or maybe you’re simply learning how to better gauge an opportunity before you take it. Either way, focusing on the lesson can remind you of what is in your control. “We can use this as a way to help the rest of our life go better,” Dr. Howes says.

The post 12 Coping Skills to Try the Next Time You’re Feeling Crappy appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 04.03.23

What Is Shadow Work, and Should You Be Doing It?

Let’s get uncomfortable (but…in a good way). ByColleen Stinchcombe

Here’s a term that’s getting a lot of buzz lately: shadow work. Maybe you’ve heard a friend say they’re deep in their shadow work era, or maybe you’ve seen one of the countless TikTok videos on the concept (since there are nearly a billion views for this hashtag…seriously). But don’t feel left out if you’re still a little iffy on the specifics of shadow work and how (or even why) you’d do it. It’s actually a lot less mysterious than it sounds. Let’s get into it. 

Shadow work may be trending now, but the concept of having a “shadow” actually dates back to the influential psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung. Jung famously described our shadow as “that hidden, repressed, for the most part inferior and guilt-laden personality whose ultimate ramifications reach back into the realm of our animal ancestors and so comprise the whole historical aspect of the unconscious.” Heavy stuff, right? 

Basically, Jung believed that we should explore the parts of ourselves that may be less palatable to other people (and ourselves) instead of only trying to emphasize the parts that other people have deemed worthy (like our calm demeanor or our people-pleasing tendencies). Emotions that get a lot of flak like jealousy and anger, or even traits like being loud or silly, could all be part of your shadow self. Oftentimes, people abandon these shadowy feels or personality quirks in order to be loved and get their needs met by their caregivers, explains Nina Polyné, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and Wondermind Advisory Committee member.

So, what is shadow work? 

If your shadow houses all the less-than-shiny parts of yourself that you maybe try to downplay with others, shadow work “gives an individual the opportunity to reclaim certain aspects of [the] self,” says Dr. Polyné. “This work offers us the opportunity to re-develop into our whole selves,” she adds. 

For example, say you learned from an early age that it was safest for you to keep your opinions to yourself around your parents. You might feel like speaking up or being your full self around your family feels really uncomfortable. But embracing your outspoken side might help you feel more at home in your friendships or make choices that better suit who you want to be in the world. 

It’s also an opportunity to get curious about parts of ourselves that we’re not so proud of, says Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, founder of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching in Denver, CO and the host of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast. For instance, maybe you have a tendency to snap at a loved one, and even just thinking about that fact makes you super uncomfortable. Dr. Bobby explains that shadow work might prompt you to actually look at and investigate that behavior, asking yourself things like: “What was my motivation when I snapped at them? What need was I trying to get met?” The tricky part of shadow work is to look curiously at these less-than-fun parts of oneself without internalizing it and assuming you’re just a bad, mean person. 

To be clear, embracing your shadow doesn’t mean encouraging bad behavior. It’s not an excuse to scream at someone so that you can embrace the anger your family told you was unacceptable, Dr. Polyné explains. 

Instead, being aware of these parts of ourselves helps us gain a better understanding of our values, which we can use to make decisions that align with our true self—not just the person we want people to see.

Is shadow work a type of therapy? 

While not technically a therapeutic modality, plenty of mental health professionals use a form of the technique, says Dr. Bobby. 

If you’re really interested in shadow work, you might want to look for a Jungian therapist (aka someone who approaches therapy through the lens of Carl Jung’s theories) who might focus on things like dreams and archetypes as a way to dig into your unconscious self. But therapists from many backgrounds do shadow work, too. A lot of shadow work centers on looking for the “why” behind what you’re doing, Dr. Bobby explains. For example, if you’re snapping at your loved one, a cognitive behavioral therapist might help you identify the thoughts and beliefs that tend to kick in when you snap—like that your loved one is judging you—and help you examine them. 

Who should try shadow work? 

Dr. Polyné says shadow work can help you show up more authentically, have more compassion for yourself and other people, and learn to deeply trust yourself, she explains. “Every human can benefit from shadow work,” she emphasizes. It can be done on your own, but working with a therapist can provide more emotional safety and keep you from going down a shame spiral. The goal is not to highlight your worst qualities and get rid of them—it’s to make space to explore your whole self, Dr. Bobby says. 

There are a few circumstances where shadow work might not be appropriate. If you’re already experiencing thoughts or emotions that are difficult to handle, shadow work might not be a good move—especially by yourself. And if you start shadow work and walk away hating yourself, berating yourself, or having nightmares, take a pause and get additional support from a therapist before continuing, Dr. Bobby says. 

So how do I do shadow work?

If you want to hang out with your shadow for a while, journaling can be a good way to start, Dr. Polyné says. “The most straightforward way to do shadow work is to identify experiences or interactions where you felt inferior to others, tension in the body, or feelings of jealousy, envy, or anger,” she explains. “And then journal about them.” This kind of self-reflection work helps you pinpoint the parts of yourself that you may be keeping under wraps and start to question why that might be. 

Here are a few journal prompts Dr. Polyné suggests to bring some illumination to your shadow:

• Are there qualities about yourself that feel too shameful to share with others? 
• Have you ever been dishonest about who you are, your likes/dislikes, or your personality? 
• When was the last time you felt embarrassed, and why? 
• Are there times you don’t want to share something you have with others (like your time or an item), but you don’t speak up because you fear being judged? 
• What assumptions do you tend to make about others? 

“This exercise creates more awareness, and from this space of consciousness, you can make more aligned decisions and choices moving forward,” Dr. Polyné says.

For example, maybe the last time you felt embarrassed was when a friend pointed out that you’re super talkative. Noodling on that can help you pick apart why this was so cringey to you and what it says about your values and how you want others to perceive you. From there, start to ask yourself questions like, “What are some things I believe about talkative people?” and “Where did I learn that being talkative was a bad thing?” These questions can provide some clarity on where this all started for you and what it would look like if you accepted being a talkative person rather than thinking it needed to be hidden.

Another shadow work exercise is to think of something you’ve been teased about—and then find ways to engage with it. “For example, if you loved to express yourself by singing or dancing as a kid but you were told it was not an acceptable way to behave, try outing your shadow self expression by finding safe spaces to sing and dance, whether with a trusted friend or peer,” Dr. Polyné says. If that feels impossible, you can even start when you’re alone. At first, it might feel weird—but keep engaging with this hidden part of yourself. 

“Over time, and with patience for yourself, you might find that you could really care less what others think, as long as you are happy and energized by it,” she says. And that’s one of the goals of shadow work: to embrace all parts of yourself. 

As with any work on ourselves, don’t expect big changes overnight. And you also don’t have to dig into every piece of your shadow self in one session. “Uncovering our shadow is a part of our lifetime journey,” Dr. Polyné says. “Allow yourself to explore your shadow self as it comes up, and remember to offer yourself lots of compassion and grace.”

The post What Is Shadow Work, and Should You Be Doing It? appeared first on Wondermind.