Stories Link Copied 01.27.23

8 Hacks for Time Blindness From People With ADHD

How to get sh*t done and show up when it matters. BySydni Ellis

My day begins like anyone else’s: I wake up, brush my teeth, get dressed. But whether I rise to the chime of my first alarm or not, every morning ends in a mad dash to get out the door before I’m late to work. And once I’m there, I lose myself in my to-do list. I’ll get halfway through my first project when I realize it’s time for lunch. I’d say I lose track of time often, but how can you lose something you never had in the first place? This daily struggle is called time blindness.

Although everyone is late sometimes (or accidentally loses an hour to TikTok before bed), time blindness is a symptom many people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) face every day, says licensed therapist and board-certified behavior analyst Laurie Singer, LMFT, who happens to have ADHD. “Time blindness can be extremely frustrating and create chaos in someone’s life,” Singer adds. That’s partly because it can lead to issues like off-task behavior, lack of organizational skills, and trouble staying focused. 

Technically, time blindness isn’t listed as an official symptom of ADHD in the DSM-5-TR, the professional standard for classifying mental and neurodevelopmental disorders. But, according to a 2019 clinical review of research, those with ADHD can perceive time differently than neurotypical people, and that has a lot to do with how ADHD impacts the brain’s executive functions, or the skills that support your working memory, self-control, focus, and time management. 

So, why are those of us with ADHD like this? Researchers hypothesize that the internal clock our bodies use to keep track of time while we’re doing other things relies on our working memory. So if that’s not functioning like it’s supposed to, it’s harder for you to keep track of time. In fact, these brain differences can often make it feel like time is moving faster than it actually is, which may lead to underestimating how much time is passing, another more recent review suggests. 

For me, time doesn’t seem to pass unless I’m constantly checking my phone. When I see that it’s 10:32 a.m., it pretty much stays 10:32 a.m. in my mind until I look at the clock again. Because I genuinely don’t want to be late, I feel super anxious about work deadlines and social hangouts. I’m also prone to overcommitting myself because it’s hard for me to estimate how long a task or event will take, leading to—you guessed it—more anxiety and stress. 

If these issues sound familiar, here are some smart ways to manage time blindness from people with ADHD and the experts who treat it, so you can get sh*t done on a regular (or semi-regular) basis. 

1. Hack your planner.

Singer was diagnosed with ADHD in her 50s, but she realized long before her diagnosis that planning activities and tasks using a paper planner made time management much easier to wrap her brain around. “I would work backward from the due date just like I was training for a race.” She recommends that her clients with ADHD use a planner to plot out how they’ll spend the hours or even minutes of their day. “Most individuals with ADHD, like myself, are visual learners,” Singer adds.

So if you have a big project, try breaking it up into smaller pieces with their own individual due dates you can tackle one by one up to your deadline. You can also use a planner to divide your day into chunks of focused work that feel more manageable. “I would study for one hour, take a break, fold laundry, start preparing dinner, or go for a brisk walk. The results were amazing.” 

Finally, checking off tasks in a paper planner provides a sense of accomplishment, which might make the habit easier to sustain in the long run.

2. Try this ADHD-friendly timing method. 

“Using the Pomodoro Technique works especially well for people working on their own,” says therapist Crystal Britt, LCSW, who works with neurodiverse couples and has co-occurring symptoms of ADHD and autism spectrum disorder. The part of this technique that’s specifically helpful for people struggling to stay focused includes working for 25 minutes on one task until a timer dings then taking a five-minute break. Once the break is up, go back to that same task, repeat this pattern, and enjoy a longer break every fourth round until you’re done. By having you commit to brief periods of focusing, this method can keep you from getting distracted by anything you might rather be doing (like checking your phone, folding your laundry, etc.). It can also help shut down negative thoughts about how you manage your time or how long it might take you to do something. “This helps keep [ADHDers] engaged and takes away the pressure,” she says.  

3. Time your go-to tasks to get a sense of how long things actually take. 

Because people with ADHD often underestimate how long it takes to get something done, doing a little time trial for tasks you do often (or the ones you always underestimate)—like showering and getting ready for the day, recurring work assignments, or even school drop-off and pick-up—can help, says Britt. Tracking how long it takes you to finish a thing can help you make time-saving adjustments where necessary, like showering at night to save time in the morning or checking your email toward the end of the day.

Even though the exact pace for each task could change, you’ll have a better idea of the general amount of time you need to complete it. Practicing this one showed me that one of my weekly writing projects that I thought only took an hour actually took closer to three. Now, I keep a note in my phone of how long things typically take, like, “I need one hour to get my kids ready for school in the mornings and two hours to myself before bed.” Now, when employers reach out to me for an assignment, I can tell how much time is actually in my schedule so I don’t overcommit myself. 

It can also help to give your schedule some padding to account for “operating at different speeds for different tasks on different days,” says Jennifer Alumbaugh, who experiences time blindness and is autistic with ADHD. 

4. Get a real or virtual body double. 

No, we’re not suggesting you clone yourself. Body doubling basically means working on a task while another person who is present physically or virtually works alongside you or keeps you company while you work, says Britt. “Having a supportive presence available while you work on something that feels tedious is especially helpful when you struggle with ADHD and time blindness.” While there hasn’t been much research on how this can help those with ADHD, it’s possible that it forces you to stick to a specific task for a set amount of time and holds you accountable to work on it, per this write-up from the Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder organization (CHADD). 

Britt personally uses the TikTok account @work.buddies, which is a “virtual focus body double space,” where a team of hosts provide a live co-working space and sense of community for those working from home. “Having a community of people who are all working with me at the same time helps admin work feel a little less cumbersome,” she explains. Body doubling may also help curb loneliness, which some research suggests is more prevalent in people with ADHD. “Plus the playlists are great.” Can’t argue with that!

5. Strategically plan your time-warp activities. 

Some tasks can cause people with ADHD to hyperfocus, which are “episodes of long-lasting, highly-focused attention,” which adults with ADHD often report experiencing, suggests a small study from 2019. While that might sound kind of ideal for avoiding distractions, hyperfocus can cause ADHDers to experience even more time blindness, says licensed professional counselor Briana L. Severine, LPC. That’s why activities that some ADHDers say lead to hyperfocus (like video games, painting, or watching TV) are sometimes called “time-warp activities.”

Sometimes there’s no way to avoid these, like if you hyperfocus while cleaning or responding to work emails. Still, knowing what tasks trigger your hyperfocus enables you to engage with them when you have no time-sensitive plans or deadlines, Severine adds. 

6. Set alarms and use visual timers. 

If you find yourself forgetting to eat or losing hours due to hyperfocus, try using timers to break up your day. Julianna Coughlin, who has ADHD and time blindness, says she plans every hour of her day and sets alarms for stopping a task, getting ready for the next one, and doing other important things (like, you know, eating). 

For me, this looks like writing out an itinerary, like: Send emails from 10 to 11 a.m., take a coffee break from 11 to 11:15 a.m., prep for a Zoom call at 11:30 a.m., then take a lunch break from 12:30 to 1:30 p.m. Then, I’ll set alarms to help me remember to switch tasks. That helps me make sure I don’t accidentally spend three hours responding to emails or skip lunch. 

You can also use this trick after working hours to plot out how long you have to put away laundry or curl up on the couch before bed. 

If alarms aren’t your thing, try a visual timer instead. Jesse Anderson, AKA @adhdjesse, says it’s hard for him to “feel future time in a quantifiable way,” which makes all his to-dos mix together in “one giant jumbled box on the calendar.” But using a digital timer that changes color or even a physical hourglass helps him. “I may not feel the passing of time, but I can often notice the shrinking of a visual indicator,” he says. 

7. If you can’t think about something right now, schedule a time to plan. 

Sometimes, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “I’ll do it later” thinking and totally forget about what you need to get done. That’s why Alumbaugh makes plans to plan. “For instance, I’ll make an appointment in my calendar in two weeks to plan a task or event for two weeks beyond that,” they say. It’s actually a smart way to not forget about something, even if you don’t have the time or energy to do it right then.

For example, say you need to do your taxes but you’re in the middle of a big work project or just burnt out. Setting a date in your calendar to make a list of all the documents you need to gather can make the big project less daunting. After you make your list, set another date to actually gather those papers and another one to fill out the tax forms. Instead of putting it off again and again because it’s too overwhelming, you’re holding yourself accountable.

8. Speak to a professional. 

For more personalized guidance on managing time blindness, you’ll want to talk to a therapist who specializes in ADHD and executive functioning to help you reach important goals and feel less distressed, says Severine. “This person can get to know you and help you try out different strategies to improve.” If you can make it work with your schedule and budget, it could be worth a shot!

The post 8 Hacks for Time Blindness From People With ADHD appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 09.19.22

How to Communicate Your Anger in an Effective Way

Getting mad is a natural, complicated (and naturally complicated) response. BySydni Ellis

Maybe your kids left their toys out or your roommate ate your leftovers again. Maybe you were passed over for a promotion, got stood up for a date, or were expected to act fine after the Supreme Court dismantled 50 years of reproductive rights in an instant. Getting angry is normal. And as tough as it may be to control sometimes, there are strategies that help you express anger in a healthier way.

It matters what you do with your rage. 

Anger can serve many useful purposes, like motivating you to overcome obstacles and helping you to find creative solutions to a problem. And, believe it or not, people who are comfortable feeling anger during a conflict (compared to those who err on the side of happiness) have higher emotional intelligence, research suggests. So it’s actually a healthy emotion that we all (rightly) feel from time to time, but if you’re not expressing anger in an efficient way, that can be a problem, says counselor Sharonda “Nya B” Brown, LPC-S. 

As someone who has struggled with communicating my anger my entire life, I know firsthand how challenging it can be. Anger was a red-hot flame that built up over time, eventually consuming me until all I could feel was rage. As a child, I felt ignored by my easily angered parents, who never seemed to listen to my point of view. As a teenager, I would lash out at friends by hitting or yelling. As an adult, I would vent about injustices in the world in a way that wasn’t constructive for myself or any movement. When I became a mom, I would hold anger at my kids inside until it became too much, then lose my cool over the smallest things. Cut to me screaming at my kids for playing in the pantry. 

Getting Big Mad doesn’t just impact the people around you—it can affect you too. Anger and hostility are associated with coronary heart disease, research suggests. And when that anger isn’t controlled and communicated in a healthy way, it can negatively impact someone’s physical and mental health, which is why it’s no surprise that anger has been associated with things like hypertension, depression, and anxiety, says clinical social worker Alisa Kamis-Brinda, LCSW, LADC. Besides the physical effects of unmanaged rage, it can also, of course, impact your relationships and make it difficult “to establish closeness and intimacy with loved ones,” says Kamis-Brinda. 

Here’s why talking out our anger is so damn hard. 

It’s not your fault if you have no idea how to do anger the right way. Many of us weren’t taught how to communicate our anger like emotionally mature adults, and we might’ve even picked up some not-great rage responses from the people around us (i.e. getting verbally or physically violent). Plus, it can be dangerous to show even a little bit of anger if you’re a member of certain marginalized groups, which means you might hold everything in as a way to protect yourself. On top of all that, anger has such a negative reputation that when people feel it bubbling up, they might also feel shame, which never helps, says Nya B. 

Communicating anger gets even trickier when other feelings are in the mix, which they almost always are. For example, making random mistakes can cause embarrassment, someone not listening can make us feel frustrated and disrespected, and losing freedoms can lead to fear, sadness, and feeling violated. All of these emotions (and the shame that they might cause) can be more difficult to feel and process than anger. And when someone’s mind is muddled with tough emotions, thinking clearly and rationally doesn’t usually go so well. Cue the anger-fueled freakout. 

Nobody can control when little annoyances (or huge hurts) happen. But you can learn to control your reaction and respond in a way that promotes understanding and change—or at least a little more peace for you. Here’s how you can practice communicating your rage in more effective and healthy ways.

1. Try to find the trigger.

Instead of shoving your anger down, try identifying and communicating the thought that triggered the anger. “Do not deny your feelings of anger,” says Nya B. “Suppressed emotions do not go away; they only become more intense.” Journaling your thoughts or decompressing after the triggering experience with a therapist or someone you trust can help with this, especially if you can’t directly talk to the person you’re angry with about it. 

2.  Pay attention to the way your body feels when you’re mad.

If you’ve ever snapped at someone or acted impulsively without even realizing you were mad, then it might help to take stock of the way your body feels when you get angry. “When we are aware of our inner experiences, our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations, we can often catch ourselves before we react in an unhelpful way,” Kamis-Brinda says. 

When I get super mad, my arms and hands start trembling, and I feel cold all over. I’ve also noticed my heart racing like it got a huge shot of adrenaline. Now that I know the way my body physically reacts to anger, I can start taking steps to cool down before trying to communicate with someone. 

3. Take a break before you respond.

If something irks you, don’t get impulsive and react right away. Try taking a break to calm down and to process what’s going on in your mind before you figure out what you really want to say. To get some space from whatever ticked you off, try going on a walk to literally remove yourself from the situation. During your break, you might also want to try taking some deep breaths or writing out your feelings in a journal or do-not-send letters, which can be cathartic. “Getting it out helps decrease the intensity of the anger and allows your anger to be addressed,” Nya B explains.

4. Write out a script before a confrontation.

If you’re able to take a beat, consider writing down what you want to say to help you communicate your needs clearly. This is especially helpful if you’ve ever found yourself ruminating on what you wish you would’ve said or if you tend to get caught up in the heat of the moment and say things you later regret. 

Prepping for a convo is a great way to get clear on your own feelings and what you want to talk about and why. So, try this: Write down exactly what you want to say (bullet points are fine too!) about what’s bugging you and what your needs are. Then, see if you’re saying it in an effective, direct manner or if you could work on your delivery a bit more. 

5. Do equal talking and listening.

When we’re mad, we may just spew without pausing to hear what the other person has to say, which the other person might interpret as rude (understandable) and ultimately lead to an unproductive one-sided talk. Communicating effectively involves talking and   listening. This can feel like the last thing you want to do, but it’s necessary. “A lot of anger can result from misunderstandings,” says Kamis-Brinda. “If you find yourself not listening to another person, thinking about your comeback, or thinking about how stupid they are, notice this, and then refocus your attention on what they are saying, making an effort to understand where they are coming from.”

Plus, people who practice active listening are sometimes perceived in a more positive light by the person doing the talking, research suggests. So if you want someone to hear what you have to say when you’re angry, try listening to them too.

6. Use “I” statements.

If you’re telling someone all of the things they did to piss you off, it shouldn’t be a huge shock if they immediately go into defense mode. (A lose-lose situation for everyone involved.) Next time you’re ticked off, practice using “I” statements, which “allow us to express how we feel and take responsibility for those feelings,” Kamis-Brinda says. These statements also help you to avoid blaming others for how you feel and give you the space to ask for what you actually want or need.

Even if the problem really is their fault, using “I” statements can make them less defensive and help them see how their words or actions affected you. You aren’t arguing over whether they meant to hurt you, but rather how their words or actions made you feel. 

Try this: “I feel ________ (feeling) when ________ (situation) ________ because ________ (reason). 

7. If the conversation can’t be respectful, skip it. 

Honestly, it’s rarely worth getting into arguments with people who don’t share a mutual respect or with people who make you feel scared or sad, Nya B says. So if you feel like you can’t talk to the person who made you angry without it turning into something ugly, try another coping strategy to get your anger out. It might help to talk it out with someone you trust who will help you look at the situation from all sides. Or you might want to get out your journal and write what you wish you could say to them. 

8. Get some professional guidance.

If your anger is intense, frequent, long-lasting, and often expressed in passive-aggressive or actually aggressive ways, try reaching out to an anger management treatment program or a cognitive behavioral therapist who can help you navigate these feelings. In my case, therapy and medication has finally helped me take control of my emotions and stay calm enough to communicate my feelings the way I want to. It might help you too. 

The post How to Communicate Your Anger in an Effective Way appeared first on Wondermind.