Stories Link Copied 02.26.25

15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication

The harmful stigma around medication and mental health needs to end. ByCarina Hsieh Additional Reporting ByCasey Gueren

If it seems like the stigma around mental health medications is suddenly getting worse, you’re not wrong. Medications like SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, and others have been the subject of some wild claims from Robert F. Kennedy Jr., newly appointed U.S. Secretary of Health & Human Services. During and since his confirmation hearing, RFK Jr. spread harmful misconceptions about these evidence-based mental health medications used to treat conditions like depression, anxiety, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. 

“Research has continuously demonstrated the safety and efficacy of antidepressants and antipsychotics,” Chase T.M. Anderson, MD, MS, assistant professor in child and adolescent psychiatrist at University of California at San Francisco, tells Wondermind. “Every medication has benefits and risks, so physicians have a ‘risks and benefits’ talk before prescribing and allow space for questions. After prescribing, we monitor for adverse events with regular appointments. With the children, adolescents, and young adults I work with, we meet a few days or a week after. As time goes on and symptoms improve, we space check-ins out more so they can be off living their lives.” 

Despite the fact that RFK Jr.’s criticism of these meds isn’t based in science (more on that here), spreading misinformation can lead to increased stigma and stereotypes about mental health medications and the people who take them. 

If you think you might benefit from mental health medication, it’s worth talking to your primary care provider or a mental health professional to address any concerns floating in the back of your mind. In the meantime, here’s what 15 people had to say about their experiences with mental health meds, including how medicine helped life become more vibrant again and the lowdown on side effects.

1. Think of it like any other medicine you’d need…  

“I’ve been taking [medication] to treat my OCD for about 10 years and had tried other medications when I was in high school. I used to be super embarrassed—especially in high school—that people would judge me for it, and I also [had] fears about what taking medicine meant about me. Once my condition got worse, I had a therapist tell me that it was just like taking medicine to treat anything else. Now I am so fucking grateful for it because I don’t think I would be here without it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the life that I do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you shouldn’t need it, but it doesn’t make you weak.” —Olivia L., 29

2. …Or like a doctor-prescribed safety net. 

“I was on a variety of antidepressants for roughly a decade, from age 14. There were obviously downsides and side effects, but the medication provided a really important safety net whilst I sorted out [my life]. I was fortunate to have doctors who were receptive when I wanted to try different medications, especially as there is no perfect antidepressant. Being a really young person on mental health medication often gets strange looks, but I knew it was the right choice because of the difference it made.” —Oliver A.*, 25 

3. Remember that feeling 100% perfect isn’t the goal… 

“While dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, I hit my absolute bottom. I experienced huge bouts of rage directed at myself and others, had panic attacks every single day, and was ready to pack up my car and leave my husband and baby without any notice. I talked to my doctor about being put on an antidepressant, and since then, I honestly feel more comfortable in my own skin. I’m nowhere near 100% all the time, but being on medication takes the edge off and makes me feel like I can be around people without a panic attack brewing. Since going on medication, I have had only two panic attacks, which is a win for me—I was having at least one a day for months before.” —Kori B., 29 

4. …And that it’s OK if you get frustrated. 

“I have been on psychiatric medications for a variety of mental health issues since I was 16. I haven’t felt the stigma about taking mental health medications (thankfully, I have an amazing family and support system), but I have had to go on a journey within myself to accept that I will probably be on these medications for the rest of my life and that I have a chemical imbalance in my brain that will always need this extra attention and care. 

As much as I sometimes hate that I’m taking six to eight pills a day, I know how horrible I felt all the time when I wasn’t on my medications. I truly feel like I deserve a happier, more fulfilled life than that. I have had the darkest depths of depression and the highest highs of manic episodes, but I am blissfully in the middle with this particular cocktail of medications I’m on right now. I still get to experience the full range of human emotion, and I don’t have to be a victim of my mind or scared of my thoughts. These advances in medicine are to make sure we all have the best lives possible, so why not embrace the fact that, yeah, I might be a little ‘off’ on my own, but I have so many resources available to me that can make my life so much better.” —Morgan S., 28 

5. Sometimes therapy isn’t enough.  

“I just started taking medication for depression this year, and I can’t believe I was living for years with the condition and its anxious symptoms when I didn’t have to. As an Asian American, mental health—and especially medication for it—isn’t something that’s talked about in my family. My parents thought I just needed to learn stress relief techniques and go to therapy, but that wasn’t enough. I realized [medication] was a viable and not uncommon option once my partner pointed out that many of my friends were on antidepressants and I asked them about their positive experiences with medication. I cried the first time I took a pill because I felt I was broken, but now I feel I can get so much more of my work done and enjoy being present with others without the compulsion to stay in my room and cry over stressful scenarios I’ve made up in my mind.” —Lauren C., 24 

6. It might take some time to get used to the medication…

“The process of deciding whether or not to start using medication to treat my anxiety and depression was stressful, but my psychiatrist, therapist, and close friends reassured me that it was a valid option to take on, seeing as my condition was worsening earlier in the year. What held me back the most was being seen as weak or broken. I felt like it was my fault for making choices that led me to become ill. But with time, I began to accept the fact that it was just biology, like how diabetics take insulin shots to regulate their blood sugar…taking a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) would help regulate the chemicals in my brain too. Adjusting to the medication was difficult for me—I dealt with nausea, poor sleep, and stomach problems while getting used to it and changing my dosage. But ultimately, even though the process wasn’t easy, it was also easily one of the best decisions I made all year.” —Rachel H.*, 23, 

7. …And one day, you and your doc might decide to switch it up. 

“I started taking an antidepressant back in 2017 while I was dealing with an excessive amount of panic and anxiety attacks. At first, I was skeptical that a small pill could take away my anxiety attacks, which had been causing me so much stress in my life. I took it anyway, starting off at a low dose and having the dosage raised by a small amount every month. I had a negative experience when my dose reached a certain level, but eventually, my body adjusted. It took a few months to really feel the positive effects of this SSRI, but when I did, it significantly improved my mental health, albeit with the occasional depressive episode. Antidepressants affect everyone differently, and for the most part it truly helped ease the cloud of excessive panic and anxiety attacks that followed me around. I’ve since stopped taking medication after speaking with my provider.” —Nina B., 29 

8. You might have to make some sacrifices… 

“My Sunday scaries used to involve a weekly panic attack about going back to work and the upcoming week ahead. Post medication, I haven’t had any panic attacks and can rationalize that anxiety in a realistic manner without spiraling into a panic. My sex drive and motivation are shot, but my Sunday evenings are better.” —Sera T. 29

9. …But the benefits can be worth it.  

“I avoided getting medicated for potential ADHD for years because my parents didn’t want ‘yet another thing wrong about me.’ I eventually got diagnosed at 30, and since taking medication, I am SO much more productive and honest with people. Some people think medication is a trap that makes you weak. I would say it makes me a stronger person who wants to live their life.” —Rin B., 31

10. It could save your life. 

“I have been lucky in my experience with medications to treat my depression. In high school, I was suicidal, and my mom forced me to see a doctor, which I resented, but it undoubtedly saved my life. I had the fortunate experience of the first med I tried working for me. It took time to find the right dose, but I’ve been on it for a decade now and can’t imagine my life without it. I grew up in a very small town where I think there was likely a lot of mental health stigma, but I have always been very open about it, and I think that worked to my advantage as a teenager and into adulthood. I feel awful on the rare occasions I forget my meds, but, in general, they make me feel like the life I want to build is possible.” —Lexie N., 26

11. It can help you tick off that to-do list.  

“When I actually remember to take my [ADHD meds], I feel like I log back into reality. I have combined type ADHD (as well as autism), and I didn’t realize how much I mentally checked out to cope with the simultaneously buzzing and boring world around me. So much of my body suddenly switched on [the first time I took my meds], and I was finally capable of putting my mind to something and doing it.” —Gates H.*, 27

12. It doesn’t make you weak. 

“In January 2022, I took a leave of absence from grad school for my mental health and began taking psychiatric medications. I spun a harmful narrative about myself that taking a break meant I was less intelligent and capable. The stigma surrounding medications certainly contributed, given the stereotype that if you take meds, you lack ‘mental toughness.’ Now, I’m happy to share my experiences with meds and how they have helped me build stability and resilience.” —Paige T., 26

13. And life might become more vibrant.  

“In 2015, during a period of depression and anxiety, my doctor told me that the most effective treatment for anxiety and depression was talk therapy in tandem with medication, so I started off on a low dose of medication. It was incredibly affirming to be diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and depression because it suggested my pain wasn’t all in my head and was valid. Even so, I was so ashamed that they prescribed psychiatric medication. About two weeks after taking my meds, I felt a 180-degree shift in my mental state. I describe in my book how colors started looking brighter, music started to sound better, and I felt taller both physically and emotionally. Seven years later, I’m in the process of successfully tapering off, but I’ll always be grateful for the way medication rewired some of the chemistry in my brain in a way I wasn’t able to do on my own.” —Marissa M., 30

14. And you can dedicate more energy to other areas of your life.

“I was diagnosed with GAD and depression in late 2019. My psychiatrist placed me on medication as a form of treatment, but I felt the effects of my diagnoses long before then. After years of reducing my symptoms to a ‘personality trait,’ getting a psychiatric diagnosis, treatment, and validation led to what felt like an alteration in my worldview. My depressive symptoms and severe anxiety became much more manageable, and my medication gave me the opportunity to dedicate more time and energy to practicing other forms of mental health and wellness that enhanced the effects of my medication.” —Noelle S., 23 

15. High achievers can benefit from it too. 

“When I was 25, I was a thriving, high-achieving, successful student turned post-grad professional, but my anxiety was crippling me. My primary care doctor prescribed medication to treat generalized anxiety and depression, which at the time, sounded absolutely terrifying. I begrudgingly took my prescribed dosage, which initially felt like admitting ‘defeat.’ 

Once I [found the right dosage], I felt like the medication had finally taken the edge off of life that my brain chemistry so deeply wanted. I’m deeply fortunate that the first prescribed medication worked for me, as I know it can take frustrating trial and error to find what works best for you.” —Taylor O., 32

*Name has been changed. 

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity.

The post 15 People Get Real About Mental Health Medication appeared first on Wondermind.

Essay Link Copied 02.06.25

7 Distractions That Make My Winter Anxiety More Bearable

Behold, Jake Shane’s guide to escapism. ByJake Shane

As the days grow shorter and the air becomes sharper, it’s only natural for many of us to feel mentally taxed. At least, I’ve always struggled with staying inside and slowing down in the winter. As someone with extreme anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I often ruminate on negative thoughts and let my anxiety win when I have too much time to think. 

It’s strange because, even when things begin to go well for me, winter somehow brings this sense of catastrophe I can’t escape. I begin to feel uncomfortable in my body, and all I want to do is sleep. It must be the cold air that begs me not to move my body, bringing me back to that sense of insecurity I had in high school.

While I take medication for my mental health symptoms, there’s only so much big pharma can do to save me from The Dark Ages (see: November through March). That’s why, over the years, I’ve come up with a few reliable ways to get relief from the negativity—or at least channel it into something else. 

Winter is always tough, but 2025 has been tougher than usual. So, if you’re in need of a little assist, feel free to borrow one of my strategies for coping. As with everything, this winter too will pass.

Throw yourself into a TV show.

It’s funny because I actually don’t know if bingeing a show and rotting on your couch is the healthiest way to go about seasonal depression. But, hey, if it works, it works. And, for me, it fucking works. 

When I find a TV show I love—especially in the winter—I completely immerse myself in that world. Last year, it was Girls. In case you missed it, the show follows four young women navigating their 20s in Brooklyn, New York. Between seasons one and six, I completely became the show. Even if it was just for brief 30-minute interludes, I forgot about the wallowing depression I was accustomed to during most Decembers. 

A few years back, my winter show was the German science fiction series called Dark (on Netflix).  I don’t even know how to explain the plot or why it was so incredible, but just please trust me and watch it. I would talk to an inanimate object about this show.

It’s not every year that a show becomes my personality. We can only be so lucky. But trying to find my next TV obsession has started to feel like playing the lottery this time of year. When I find one I like, and it has multiple seasons, it’s an adrenaline rush. 

Listen to a comfort album.

Ever since I was a kid, I always found solace in music. Though it wasn’t until the Covid winter of 2021 that music changed how I existed—especially amid my winter blues. Back then, I started walking and listening to Taylor Swift’s evermore album front to back. I learned that immersing myself in one of my favorite albums was a simple way to add more predictability to the darker months. I didn’t know what would happen to me tomorrow (anxiety fuel), but I knew that after “gold rush” came “‘tis the damn season.” That was more than enough. 

When you know an album from front to back you know that for the next however many minutes, you are transporting into another world entirely. Unlike a new show, in this one, you know what has happened, what is happening, and what’s next. That’s very soothing.

I’ve spent a lot of this winter thinking about how lonely I am (sorry), and immersing myself in one of my favorite albums (Ryan Beatty’s 2023 masterpiece, Calico) helps me pretend I am not. It’s an escape, even for a second.

If you’re looking for options, I’d suggest starting with Taylor Swift. I don’t even know if I need to explain why, but I will. Listening to Taylor’s work is like sitting in English class all over again—and I mean that in the best way possible. With 10 albums and 20 years of pure musical history, there’s always a line you’re missing or a melody you haven’t nuzzled your brain into yet.  

Also, being part of the Swifties is really fun. It’s a community full of easter eggs, which are always a joy to speculate on—even if they’re never correct.

Move your body.

I struggle with how I view my body, and I always have. In years past, my body dysmorphia grew so intense during the winter months that I could barely get out of bed—let alone work out. It got to the point where I was uncomfortable moving at all because I hated my body so much.

And I used to scoff at people who said working out was like medicine. I didn’t get it. However, I’ve since learned never to underestimate the power of moving my body. 

This year specifically, I’ve continued my warm-weather streak of working out. Without fail, every single time I do it, I feel better than before I started. Even if it’s just a walk. I’m grateful to myself for that. 

Become a cinephile.

With the Oscars coming in at the end of winter (March!), there’s no better time to catch up on movies. More specifically, the movies that made noise this past year. Similar to throwing yourself into a television show, movies provide a space to lose yourself—with much less commitment. 

Because one of my goals for 2025 is to be an intellectual, I like to watch these films as if I’m back in school, analyzing the details and hidden meanings. Again, it feels like I’m back in English class. 

Maybe you’re noticing a theme here. I think I always loved English class because, despite the weather, I could escape into art. Analyzing literature and media allowed me to enter worlds that were not my own. I could leave my body for a short while.  Plus, if I’m feeling outgoing, I can hop on Letterboxd, a social media platform for people to talk about movies with fellow cinephiles. That’s always enjoyable.

For example, I watched Anora the other night and have hyperfixated so much that Anora has become my entire personality. I’ve decided that I will personally fund Mikey Madison’s campaign for Best Actress at the Oscars. Is this productive at all? Probably not. Am I thinking about my looming depression over these next few months? Also no. 

Cook something.

As someone who has struggled with debilitating anxiety since I was young, cooking always provided a sense of relief. I was still anxious, but in a different way. I wasn’t anxious about my friends leaving me or my family getting sick, I was anxious about burning the chicken. Weirdly, this kind of anxiety made me feel better. While I’m cooking, I follow a recipe and finish with a satisfying result. 

If you can’t cook though, watch The Bear on Hulu. You’ll get that same anxious-about-cooking-and-nothing-else feeling without the mess. 

Sleep.

OK, it’s easy to overdo this one—and I do. But when the winter blues hit hard, just fucking sleep. Going to bed is one of the best feelings in the entire world, well, until my anxieties infiltrate my dreams. Still, when I wake up, I automatically feel better.  

What feels better than sleep at night? A fucking nap during the day. Pop a squat on the couch, put on the TV, put away your phone, and close your eyes. Waking up and realizing you fast-forwarded through an otherwise long day is another great feeling in the Dark Times.

Also, don’t feel bad about it. When you wake up, you’ll be refreshed and a few steps closer to warmer days. While it’s not the healthiest coping mechanism, sometimes it’s the only thing that works. 

Find gratitude.

This one seems hard, and it is. However, sometimes life forces you to do it. When I was in Los Angeles during the wildfires, I was in my normal selfish winter routine, and I was forced to look outward. While I had to evacuate, my house and loved ones were safe. I was grateful—a feeling I often forget to seek out.

This year I learned that practicing gratitude, no matter the situation, is always a grounding exercise. It’s one that helps us remember that, even at rock bottom, there’s something to love. 

The post 7 Distractions That Make My Winter Anxiety More Bearable appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 08.21.24

Triggered? Here’s How to Deal

911, what’s your emergency? BySam Brodsky

In the year 2024, the internet has had its way with the term triggered. It’s well-traveled territory for mental health TikTok and has been memed to the point of losing all meaning. Alas!

But this term is one mental health pros and the psychological community at large (including the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-5-TR) have used to describe people, places, or situations that remind you of traumatic moments you’d rather forget and/or spark all kinds of mental health symptoms.

Whether you were already well-versed in all of that or not, here we asked therapists for more intel on what triggers are and what to do when they arrive.

What are triggers?

Generally speaking, a trigger is a “stimulus that elicits a reaction,” according to the American Psychological Association (APA). Like we said, these can be people, places, things, or situations that set off unhappy memories or emotional responses. 

Sometimes the call is coming from inside the house, meaning those triggers are internal thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations. For example, your heart pounding during a workout could bring you back to a time when you were scared for your life, says trauma psychologist Ayli Carrero Pinedo, PhD. 

Other times, things in your environment—a song, a smell, or the way someone looks—can be external triggers, reminding you of a traumatic event and/or causing an emotional reaction, like anxiety, panic, and depression, says clinical and forensic psychologist Dawn Hughes, PhD. Same goes for holidays or anniversaries, adds Dr. Carrero Pinedo.

Whether the trigger’s within you or around you, sometimes you can’t identify it in the moment, says Dr. Hughes. All you know is that you feel out of control.  

When we’re triggered, we feel intense and overwhelming emotions, memories, or physical feelings or we react impulsively, says clinical psychologist Abigail Percifield, PsyD. Though you might name-drop it casually with something like, “This botched salad order is triggering my trust issues,” that’s not quite right. “I see the term triggered being misused to describe when somebody is feeling bothered or uncomfortable,” Dr. Carrero Pinedo explains. But if you don’t feel overwhelmingly bad or out of control, it’s not the same as being triggered, she adds. 

That said, pretty much anyone can be triggered. You don’t need to experience trauma or have a mental health condition to be set off by something inside of or around you. Your neighbors loudly fighting can make you feel overwhelmingly anxious for no apparent reason. The weeks leading up to Father’s Day could make you feel depressed. A scene in a book could flood you with memories that make it hard to concentrate.

Still, if you have a mental health condition or survived something traumatic, you might be more likely to face triggers, says Dr. Percifield. For instance, someone dealing with a substance use disorder might feel triggered at a stressful family reunion and crave a drink, she says. Someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) might be triggered by an intrusive thought about germs in their apartment and feel the uncontrollable need to wash their hands, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. And people with post-traumatic stress disorder could feel triggered when something reminds them of a traumatic moment, says Dr. Hughes.

How to deal when you’re triggered.

No matter your situation, here’s what to do when those triggers infiltrate your life so you can feel better and move on faster. 

1. Acknowledge that your feelings aren’t facts.

When you’re triggered, you can feel like you’re in danger just sitting in your living room. Triggers are fun like that. So telling yourself that you’re being triggered but you’re still safe can disarm whatever’s freaking you out, says Dr. Hughes. 

You’re basically telling the panicked part of yourself that things are actually OK; you’re just going through a tough moment right now, and it will pass soon. That might even help those feelings resolve. You’re also gaining a sense of control when you feel very out of  control. 

2. Ground yourself. 

Once you’ve consciously established that the situation you’re in isn’t as dire as it feels, you can start to turn your attention to the present moment. “When you’re focusing on something else besides the trigger, you’re decreasing the initial overwhelming response that you had,” Dr. Carrero Pinedo explains. That reinforces the idea that you’re gonna be fine, even if you’re panicked (or whatever you’re feeling) right now.

To get more present amidst a freakout, turn to anything that feels soothing. You could quietly repeat, “I am safe,” to yourself; name the current day of the week or year; or put on some hand cream that smells good, suggests Dr. Hughes.  

There’s also the trusty 5-4-3-2-1 method, where you name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Mindfulness exercises like this put the spotlight on your senses, which helps you shift out of your head, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

3. Move around. 

If you find that being triggered makes you feel physically frozen or stuck, doing the opposite can remind you that it’s safe, says Dr. Hughes. By rebelling against what your triggered brain wants, you might be able to shake off that response. You’re sending the message that you’re in control; your fears are not.

It could be as simple as wiggling your toes and fingers or walking to the bathroom, Dr. Hughes says. Do whatever feels easiest and build from there to snap out of it. 

4. Detach from your thoughts.

Sometimes when you’re triggered, you get stuck in your thoughts, says Dr. Percifield. You might catastrophize about all the things that could go wrong in the future or get caught up in a traumatic memory. 

When that happens, the first step is to ask yourself, “Are these thoughts telling me anything useful or important right now?” says Dr. Percifield. The answer is often no. That little step starts to create some distance between you and the mental chatter that’s upsetting you. That takes the power away from those ideas, making you feel less bothered by them.

Of course, that’s not the only way to get some space from the stuff bubbling up in your head. Here are some other strategies that can help you detach from your unhelpful thoughts, according Dr. Percifield:

• Imagine your thoughts passing by as leaves on a stream, words on a news screen, drifting clouds, or floats in a parade 
• Describe the thought, like, “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough”
• Sing your internal dialogue
• Write the ideas on paper and re-read them as an objective outsider
• Visualize putting your thoughts into a container

A quick aside: If you’re finding it hard to separate yourself from your thoughts like this, it might just mean you’re too overwhelmed and grounding techniques (like some of the ones above) might work better in the moment, Dr. Percifield notes.

5. Hold yourself accountable. 

Because being triggered is overwhelming (and we’re only human), we can react in ways that we might regret later. Maybe you snap at your coworker, throw your phone across the room, or make a scene at Starbucks. That can lead to feeling ashamed, which sets off a cycle of more negative emotions, says Dr. Percifield. And that’s not ideal when you’re already feeling a lot of uncomfortable stuff.

But, if you take accountability for what you did when you were triggered, you might be able to move forward faster and use new coping skills down the line. “It also fosters a sense of personal agency, acknowledging that, even when we’re triggered, we still have the power to make choices about how we respond,” Dr. Percifield explains. 

So, if you acted out, apologize, Dr. Percifield suggests. If you relapse, call someone who’s supporting your sobriety, she adds. Whatever you gotta do to repair the harm done and grow from the experience is fair game, she says.

6. Work with a therapist. 

It might be obvious, but being triggered can impact how you function in your daily life. Maybe you can’t concentrate at work, you’re sleeping like shit, your reactions are harmful to yourself or others, or your mental health has been tanking for a long time. Any of that can really mess with your day-to-day. If you can relate, that’s a sign you’d benefit from working with a mental health professional, says Dr. Carrero Pinedo. 

There are lots of different ways a therapist can help you manage your symptoms and develop coping skills to get by when stuff goes down, but that will depend on what you’re dealing with. 

For example, if you have OCD, exposure and response prevention (a kind of exposure therapy) triggers your compulsions with the guidance of a mental health pro. Then, they’ll help you find new ways to manage those urges, explains Dr. Carrero Pinedo. This can help you slowly get used to your triggers and respond differently. 

If you’re experiencing triggers related to something traumatic, trauma therapy, like EMDR or narrative therapy, might be useful, says Dr. Hughes. These modalities can heal your trauma, ultimately eliminating triggers over time, notes Dr. Percifield. 

At the end of the day, “you are worthy of a nervous system that is calm and that is going to allow you to thrive,” assures Dr. Carrero Pinedo.

The post Triggered? Here’s How to Deal appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 06.27.24

How to Tell If You’re Ruminating—and How to Stop

Shut it down. ByLauren Del Turco

If you’re reading this right now (hi, welcome), chances are you know what it feels like to get trapped on an endless merry-go-round of negative thoughts. Maybe you missed a work deadline, got too honest with a friend, or experienced a trauma. Now, here you are thinking about it over and over—even though you would very much like to get off this ride right now, please. 

This experience is called rumination, or your brain’s obsessive replay of something pretty damn distressing. While it can be obnoxious and all-consuming, ruminating is actually a pretty common experience. Even so, ruminating can kill your mood, wreck your sleep, and impact your ability to get through the day. 

If you can relate, we spoke to mental health pros who explained more about what ruminating is, why it happens, and what to do about it.  

What does ruminating mean?

Think of ruminating as your mind on a hamster wheel, constantly rehashing some stressful or worrisome moment, and—despite all this mental energy you’re spending on it—you’re getting absolutely nowhere. More specifically, ruminating is a kind of obsessional thinking where you have excessive or repetitive thoughts that get in the way of other mental processes, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). 

What makes rumination different from anxiety thought spirals, catastrophizing, and worst-case-scenario thinking is that it centers on a real issue or a rational thought that you just can’t stop mulling over (like your partner did cheat on you or you did make a passive aggressive comment in that team meeting), explains clinical psychologist Alyssa Faro, PhD, director of clinical services for the OCD Institute for Children and Adolescents. 

Here are a few other signs that you’re ruminating, according to Dr. Faro. 

• The thing you can’t stop thinking about occurred in the past (it’s not a requirement, but it’s typical of rumination).
• That emotion, experience, or worry is negative.
• Thinking about it makes you feel worse but it’s hard to stop and distracts you from other important mental tasks or processes (like making your grocery list or getting a work assignment done).

While it makes sense that distressing situations, thoughts, or emotions take up significant mental real estate, dwelling on something all day every day without ever figuring out what to do next is what makes rumination so distracting and disruptive, explains therapist Aimee Estrin, LMSW, who specializes in anxiety, depression, and self-esteem issues. “Unlike problem-solving, which is goal-oriented, rumination is often circular and unproductive, leading to increased feelings of anxiety and depression.” It’s also a common feature of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and generalized anxiety disorder, per the APA, and it’s listed as a symptom of major depressive disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR).

Why does ruminating happen?

While it is associated with certain mental health conditions, you don’t need to have one of those to experience rumination. Literally anyone can ruminate. 

Generally speaking, when the going gets tough, it’s easy—and common—for all of us to get stuck on the rumination train. Some of the most common triggers for ruminating are significant life changes (like a breakup), personal setbacks (getting laid off at work), or general stress (a parent getting sick), says Estrin. And, in her experience, the more you ruminate, the more you’ll continue to ruminate, notes Dr. Faro. It’s one of those vicious cycles.

Annoying as it is, ruminating is just one way your brain attempts to cope with a sucky situation. In a weird way, it can feel productive to think about a situation over and over again, explains Dr. Faro. Of course, as we said earlier, when you ruminate, you’re not actually solving a problem (like apologizing for the shade you threw to your colleague) or gaining clarity on why it happened. In fact, ruminating could be a way to avoid taking action (even if that avoidance is subconscious), she adds. The more time you devote to dwelling on this thing, the less time you have to do something about it.

How to stop ruminating

Catching yourself on this endless loop is the first step, here’s what to do next.

1. Do something (anything) else.

Rumination takes a lot of focus, so one way to snap out of it is to engage in an activity that requires even more concentration, suggests Dr. Faro. Pretty much anything goes here. Call a friend to talk about the latest episode of Bridgerton, knit, play tug-of-war with your ever-enthusiastic dog, do a crossword puzzle, play a video game, attempt to bake sourdough. Literally anything is fair game, as long as it helps you get present and focus on something outside your brain.

2. Breathe (like this).

To squash the round-and-round thinking without moving an inch, try some breathwork, suggests Estrin. Her method of choice:

• Inhale slowly for a count of four, feeling your abdomen expand. 
• Hold your breath at the top for a count of four.
• Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six, feeling your abdomen contract.
• Repeat for five to 10 minutes, and return your focus to your breath as needed afterward (you don’t have to do another full five minutes).

3. Feel into your senses.

Another way to shift your focus is using your body to ground into the present moment, says Estrin. Here’s how:

• Look around and identify five things you can see. Notice the details, including colors, shapes, and textures.
• Find four things you can touch. Focus on the texture and feel of each item, describing the sensations in your mind.
• Listen for three sounds. It might be the hum of the air conditioner, birds chirping, or distant traffic. Pay attention to their pitches and rhythm.
• Identify two things you can smell. This might be the scent of your coffee, fresh flowers, or your co-workers lunch. 
• Focus on one thing you can taste. It could be a sip of water, a mint, or the lingering taste in your mouth. Describe it to yourself.

4. Enlist endorphins. 

Assuming you’re not lying in bed trying to sleep (but also, maybe even if you are), a little exercise can redirect your focus and boost your mood when you’re thought-spiraling. Endorphins FTW! Estrin recommends running, swimming, yoga, or a walk outside to clear your head—but a Beyoncé dance party could definitely check this box too.

5. Know your rumination triggers.

The best way to prevent rumination from happening in the first place is to make a list of when it normally hits, says Dr. Faro. From there, you can switch up your routine to keep your mind quiet. For example, if bedtime typically involves roasting yourself for an hour before finally falling asleep, try listening to a guided sleep meditation (or anything that distracts you) as soon as you lay down. If ruminating the morning after a night out with friends feels unavoidable, book an a.m. workout or pick out a movie to take your mind off the usual regret fest in your brain.

6. Find some help.

If ruminating holds you back from living your best life, makes you feel depressed, or seems like it might be a symptom of an undiagnosed mental health condition, consider finding a mental health pro. They can diagnose any underlying issue and help you learn coping skills to deal with rumination when it strikes—and hopefully prevent it from happening in the first place.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one modality therapists often use to help clients dealing with this specific issue. With this kind of therapy, you’ll focus on how to  challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier ones. Through this process, Estrin explains, you’ll work to recognize negative thoughts that throw you off, question how legit they are, create more balanced thoughts to replace them, and monitor how those swaps impact your mood and daily life. Over time, those rumination spirals should become less and less frequent.

The post How to Tell If You’re Ruminating—and How to Stop appeared first on Wondermind.

Essay Link Copied 06.14.24

I’m a Personal Trainer With Millions of Followers and No One Knew I Was Struggling With Disordered Eating

Not even me. ByKelsey Wells

The first thing I became self-conscious of was cellulite. The fact that I hardly had any didn’t matter. That’s the thing about body image or disordered eating struggles—it often has very little to do with what you look like and everything to do with the amount of mental space it takes up. 

That was how my body-related negative self-talk started, but intrusive thoughts about food and my body followed me for most of my adult life. From my college dorm days to my career as a fitness content creator and trainer, scrutinizing my appearance became my default. While the severity ebbed and flowed, the disordered ideas and habits often came back.

After speaking to a therapist and doing my own research, I’ve learned that I was struggling with various forms of disordered eating since freshman year of college. At times, that merged into an actual eating disorder as distorted ideas about my body and food consumed most of my waking thoughts. 

Whether you’re dealing with the same thing or know someone who is, hearing from others who’ve been there might help you feel more hopeful or less alone. With that in mind, here are some of the surprising truths I discovered along this journey and what they taught me about mental health, healing, and my relationship to my body. 

Diet culture is a bitch.

We aren’t born into this life hating our bodies or feeling like we’re not enough. Self-loathing is learned. Growing up, I felt free and confident in my body. I never thought about what I put in my mouth until I overheard some girls criticizing me before a high school dance. 

After that, I became hyper-aware of what I looked like and wanted to become a smaller version of myself. But it wasn’t until college that I acted on those thoughts. Freshman year, there were a ton of changes happening in my life—positive changes like my sister getting engaged, moving out on my own, starting college, and falling madly in love for the first time—but my body couldn’t tell the difference between good and bad changes. It just felt stressed.  

That stress impacted my appetite. I felt sick when I didn’t eat and even worse when I did. After months of this, I lost a significant amount of weight and my parents asked me to see a doctor. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. That anxiety was what caused my stomach to produce extra acid and triggered severe irritable bowel syndrome. 

When I became smaller, people started commenting, which made me feel good. So, not long after getting a prescription for medicine that made my stomach feel better, I quit taking it. That was the first time I chose disordered eating over my health. 

Commentary on how I looked seriously influenced how I thought about my body, but I can’t completely blame my bullies or friends for the things they said. They were also victims of diet culture and a societal norm that made it OK to judge my body—and their own. We were all under the same influence of restriction. We thought it was normal to hate the way we looked and to be preoccupied with trying to change it.

At that point, I didn’t know these thoughts and obsessions with my body were symptoms of actual mental health issues—conditions that I didn’t realize I was likely dealing with until more than a decade later. They were also exacerbated by a culture that makes money when we hate ourselves. If I truly understood that, maybe I wouldn’t have gone so far down this path—or started down it in the first place. 

A need for control fueled my disordered eating.

While diet culture and bullying triggered me to fixate on my size, my disordered behaviors were also propelled by feeling out of control. 

As a kid, I experienced various forms of scrupulosity, or what the American Psychological Association describes as, “an obsession with moral or religious issues (e.g., a preoccupation that one may commit a sin and go to hell) that results in compulsive moral or religious observance and that is highly distressing.” It’s also associated with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), both of which can involve perfectionism. I was never diagnosed with OCD or scrupulosity as a kid, probably because in my Mormon church I was counseled that my struggles stemmed from Satan attempting to influence my mind. To fight back, I was encouraged to stay righteous and memorize more scriptures. 

My intense fears and rigid habits affected me to various degrees throughout my adolescence. But after graduating high school, I met my then-boyfriend (now husband) Ryan, and my mental health flourished. Unfortunately, when he left to serve a two-year mission in Mexico on behalf of the Mormon church, the stress and loneliness triggered those symptoms I hadn’t dealt with in years. 

This time, my scrupulosity reached a new high and intersected with my disordered eating. In addition to engaging in intense daily rituals and constant praying like I did when I was little, I tried to prove my worthiness to God by controlling what I ate. I believed that using discipline to control my eating kept Ryan safe and secured our eternal salvation. 

While that might sound like a super specific trigger for disordered eating, researchers agree that a need for control is one of many factors that can contribute to eating disorders.

Disordered eating thrives in isolation. 

As my scrupulosity ramped up and I attempted to control it with prayer and religious perfectionism, I became extremely isolated. Though I was living in a tiny space with six roommates, I never felt or spent more time alone than the two years Ryan was gone.

I spent the majority of my days afraid of evil or consumed by thoughts of becoming smaller. It was like living with a weight on my chest that threatened to bury me. I never reached out for mental health help because I genuinely didn’t think I needed it. If I was super depressed for days or had a panic attack, I turned to the church and asked for a blessing.

Meanwhile, my roommates put “motivational” quotes on the fridge and in the cabinets, using diet culture rhetoric to justify restrictive diets. So no one really seemed to notice that I was channeling my obsessive energy into dieting. And I didn’t reach out to my roommates, friends, or family for support either. Instead, I smiled. I served the church obsessively. 

Thankfully, when Ryan got back from his mission, my mission to please God felt complete. I didn’t feel the need for extreme restriction anymore. Six weeks after he came home, we were married in the temple. We spent so much time together. I felt supported, seen, and safe for the first time in years. 

Out of isolation (and away from people who saw my behavior as normal), my disordered eating and scrupulosity symptoms started to subside. I still compared my looks to others, used exercise to punish my body, and sometimes skipped meals when Ryan wasn’t around, but the rituals of perfectionism didn’t consume me like they used to.

Healing isn’t linear.

The three and a half years after I got married were the healthiest of my adult life up to that point, but when I got pregnant unexpectedly things changed. I was terrified of gaining weight, so I ate as healthy as possible for a few weeks before realizing it wasn’t sustainable. Gaining weight was inevitable, so I set it aside as a problem for future me. Still, I felt a lot of shame around eating in a way most people would call normal.

After having my son, I was so distracted by my perceived flaws that I missed the miracle of growing life in my body. I remember catching a glance of myself naked in the mirror and seeing my greatest fear; I couldn’t recognize myself. Bonus: I was slipping into severe postpartum anxiety, bringing me to a new mental low.

At my six-week postpartum checkup, I filled out a mental health questionnaire. I tried to answer the questions in a way that made it seem like I was doing great, but my doctor caught on. I started sobbing and she recommended I find a therapist or psychiatrist or both to help, but I refused. I was still a devout Mormon and thought I should be able to pray my symptoms away. I asked for other options and my doctor suggested I try exercising to ease the anxiety. If that didn’t work by my next appointment, we’d have to try something else. 

That was the very first time I started exercising in an effort to help myself heal instead of out of hate for my body. I started by simply pushing my son around the block in his stroller each day. I was surprised how quickly I started to feel better. My days felt manageable.

The next time I met with my doctor, she said she recognized a positive change in me, and that motivated me to keep going. 

Exercise alone isn’t enough. 

Eventually those mental health walks turned into strength training, and I started working toward physical accomplishments that had nothing to do with what I looked like. I wanted to heal my physical body and I wanted to be strong. I noticed my anxiety continued to subside and the negative thoughts about my body became less intense. Yes, I was losing weight too, and, yes, exercise can be part of disordered eating or eating disorders. But during this part of my life, physical transformation and mental transformation happened in parallel.

To be fair, I can’t say whether I would have felt the same if my body never changed postpartum. There’s no way for me to know that. What I do know is that I was way smaller in college and never had the confidence or sense of self-love that I did just months after giving birth. This was the first time I understood that the motive for movement matters the most.

But that’s not to say that exercise magically healed my disordered eating. I was doing the mental and emotional work too. After I started moving my body for the sake of my mental health, I realized I deserved to speak to and view myself kindly. I began by spending time just looking at myself naked in the mirror while repeating positive affirmations. 

I also fought back against negative self-talk. Ryan wanted to support me on my journey and suggested that if I said something negative about myself, I could follow it up with three positive things. I was hesitant but agreed and was amazed by how much it helped. The more it worked, the more I wanted to keep it up. I was slowly building my mental health toolkit.

Right after my son turned 1, I discovered the Mormon church was not what I thought it was, and I suffered an extreme loss of identity. This remains the most excruciating and informative period of my life. 

While I was struggling deeply, the small habits I’d implemented in the last year became my saving grace. Exercising for empowerment and positive self-talk felt like a tether back to myself.

Also, I claimed the freedom to express my body differently in clothes that would’ve been frowned upon (to put it extremely kindly) in the Mormon community. I felt ownership over my body, unashamed, and empowered in ways I’d never felt before. 

Even though I was going through hell in other ways, my disordered eating and distorted body image were healthier than ever.

You really never know what someone else is going through. 

During my faith transition, I started a fitness Instagram account. I was desperate to find a safe space to show up as myself and connect with like-minded women who wouldn’t judge me based on my religious background.

I was more vulnerable and open than I ever thought I would be. I talked about exercising for empowerment and how it changed my life for the better. I wanted to be the voice that I didn’t have postpartum. It became a creative outlet where I could be my authentic self. 

Soon after, I became a certified personal trainer. Over the next few years, the account grew to hundreds of thousands and then millions of followers and—along the way—I signed with Sweat to bring my fitness programs to life on the Sweat app. I felt amazing and wanted to help people see that working out can be great for our mental health. 

But once I became a fitness professional and my platforms continued to grow, I started putting too much pressure on myself. The disordered thoughts started creeping in: Who the fuck was I to be a trainer with such a large platform if I’m not in peak shape? If I don’t look exceptionally fit, women won’t trust me and the industry won’t respect me. 

It didn’t help that control had always been one of my biggest coping mechanisms, and I was under a lot of pressure. I had this big new career and I didn’t want to let anyone down. I didn’t see it at the time, but in hindsight some of the very tools that I used to fortify my physical and mental health (like eating healthy and exercising regularly) I began taking to an extreme.

Self-awareness and self-acceptance were the missing pieces.

When I got really sick with Covid in October of 2020, I had an epiphany. I came across a picture of myself from a big photo shoot in 2018, and memories flooded my mind. The version of me in that photo was so hard on herself and did not see herself clearly. I realized my extreme discipline had morphed into a new form of disordered eating.

Lying in bed with my phone, I broke down. I was overcome with sadness. My platform was built on self-love and using exercise for empowerment—in that moment I felt like a hypocrite.

With this new awareness, I was able to accept that I was struggling again. That enabled me to consciously bring my mental and emotional health back to the forefront. 

I refocused on the positive habits I learned postpartum, like meditating, gratitude journaling, writing poetry, and (most importantly) exercising with positive intent. I leaned on my husband instead of isolating. My mental health toolkit also grew to include talking to a coach, learning breathwork techniques, and energy healing.

There are still days I wake up picking myself apart, but those are the exception instead of the norm. Rather than focusing on how I look and how often I exercise, I now pour my discipline into living a present and authentic life. This mindset requires that my mental health always comes first. 

For a long time I felt shame around these parts of my story, but now I’m proud of every past version of myself. Looking back, I feel an abundance of gratitude for every part of my journey because it brought me here today. Whether you relate or your struggles look different, you always have the power to change your life for the better through self-awareness, self-acceptance, and intentional action (aka self-love).

The post I’m a Personal Trainer With Millions of Followers and No One Knew I Was Struggling With Disordered Eating appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 06.13.24

So, Relationship OCD Is a Thing

As the old saying goes, “I love you; it’s ruining my life.” BySam Brodsky

You may have heard about relationship OCD (ROCD for short) while scrolling through TikTok or from your friend who saw it there and texted, “I think I have this thing—HELP.” And while we’ve all probably obsessed over a relationship (or situationship) at some point, this is…not that. 

For starters, someone with relationship OCD would need to actually have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And their symptoms (also known as obsessions and compulsions) center around relationship-based issues, like whether your partner is The One or if they’re cheating, for example.

This isn’t the same as having some relationship anxiety or doubts or even (gasp!) not finding your partner attractive 24/7, notes clinical psychologist and couples therapist Erika Bach, PsyD. Having relationship OCD means that these obsessive thoughts are persistent and make you feel like you need to take action somehow to feel better. Unfortunately, when you do, that relief doesn’t last long. 

Here, we talked to OCD experts about what relationship OCD is, how it’s diagnosed, and how to deal. It doesn’t have to be like this forever, promise.

One quick thing before we dive into the details: Mental health is complex and everyone has a unique experience, so don’t go diagnosing yourself just because you read a few articles on the internet (though, we do appreciate you stopping by to learn a few things). If this resonates with you, consider it a jumping-off point in your journey to getting care. OK, let’s get into it…

What is relationship OCD?

In case you need a refresher, OCD is a mental health condition where you experience persistent and intrusive thoughts, images, or urges (aka obsessions) that can make you super anxious or distressed, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). To ease anxiety or attempt to ensure those thoughts don’t come true, people with OCD feel compelled to repeatedly check something, wash their hands, seek reassurance, or engage in other ritualistic actions. These are called compulsions, and they don’t always make a lot of logical sense, per the DSM-5-TR. 

Relationship OCD refers to those cases where someone’s obsessions and compulsions are focused on their past, future, or current relationships (usually romantic ones). While relationship OCD isn’t specifically called out in the DSM-5-TR, it’s very real and very common, notes licensed clinical psychologist Sam Greenblatt, PsyD. That’s because OCD likes to settle onto things that are important to us, he says, so it’s not a surprise why relationships might be an easy target. 

Some of the most common things people with relationship OCD obsess over are doubts or negative thoughts about a partner or potential partner (Are they caring enough? Do they love me?), themselves (Am I good enough? Did I accidentally cheat?), or their relationship as a whole (Is this kind of partnership right for me?), says Dr. Bach. 

Some OCD-fueled worries can feel pretty irrational and others might not. For example, you might stress that you blacked out and cheated on your partner even if you didn’t drink much, says Dr. Greenblatt. On the flip side, Devin K.*, 28, who was diagnosed with OCD in 2019, says that intrusive thoughts about her partner cheating didn’t seem so out there since it happened in a previous relationship. 

An obsession could also start off as a somewhat reasonable concern but snowball until you’re catastrophizing. Emily S., 29, Presently Bracelets co-founder, who was diagnosed with OCD after she graduated college, says she’d notice her significant other didn’t hold the door open. A thought would interject: Um, why didn’t they just open the door for me?  Then it might turn into, Does this mean they have bad manners? Or if we get married I won’t be happy because I won’t be put first? Maybe they’re not right for me.

If you have OCD, you’ll also have an uncontrollable urge to prove the intrusive thoughts wrong or avoid the anxiety you feel via compulsions. You might try to reassure yourself by re-reading texts, going over old pictures, testing your partner (hello, orange peel theory!), asking Google for signs someone’s “The One,” or replaying memories in your head, says Dr. Bach. You might also actually ask for reassurance from other people or your partner. 

Maybe these all seem like reasonable ways to prove your worries wrong. However! Relationship OCD compulsions create a real sense of “I need to do this thing right now” to alleviate your worries, says Dr. Bach. This urgency can feel like reaching for a cold glass of water when you’re dehydrated, she explains. You gotta  have it. It can also feel physically unbearable to resist compulsions, according to Emily S., who says she’d get a huge knot in her stomach and start to panic.

The tricky part is that compulsions are only a temporary fix. If left untreated, your OCD brain is always going to be like, Well what if we’re wrong?!, says Dr. Greenblatt. “You’re never going to get to that sense of satisfaction or assurance that lasts more than a few hours,” agrees Dr. Bach. And so the cycle of obsessions vs compulsions continues.

How can I tell if I have relationship OCD? 

A single OMG-I-don’t-love-them  thought spiral and reassurance sesh doesn’t mean you have relationship OCD. To be diagnosed, you have to experience repetitive obsessions and/or compulsions for more than an hour a day, per the DSM-5-TR. These symptoms go on long enough to majorly interfere with how you function at school, at work, or in any other area of your life, says Dr. Greenblatt. 

Maybe you’re able to get through your workday without picturing your girlfriend cheating on you. But pretty much all of your free time is spent thinking about it and going through memories, texts between you two, and convos you’ve had about her with friends. 

If you can relate, it could be helpful to find a mental health professional to evaluate you for OCD. They’ll ask you about you and your family’s mental health history and compare your symptoms to the DSM-5-TR  criteria for OCD, says Dr. Bach. They might also use a relationship OCD assessment like the Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Inventory, she adds. “When it comes to figuring out whether you have relationship OCD, it will come down to the level of distress, impairment of functioning in daily life, time spent obsessing or engaging in compulsions, and how difficult it is to not engage in those compulsions,” she adds. 

How is relationship OCD treated?

When you’re constantly in your head, it’s hard to enjoy being with your partner or even commit to relationships at all, explains Dr. Bach. So, it makes sense if you’d want to explore treatment options for relationship OCD. Though there’s no cure for OCD, therapy and medication can help you better manage the obsessive thoughts and compulsions, says Dr. Greenblatt. 

The gold-standard treatment is a type of exposure therapy called exposure and response prevention (ERP), Dr. Bach notes. The goal is to put you in situations that set off your unwanted thoughts and keep you from responding. Not gonna lie, this can be mentally and physically uncomfortable. But continuing to resist teaches you that thoughts aren’t threatening and you can accept uncertainty, Dr. Bach says. 

If you’re going through treatment and realize that your partner’s lack of commitment, sucky communication, or constant reassurance fuels your obsessive-and-compulsive patterns, then couples therapy can help too, says Dr. Bach. 

Some people also take medication like SSRIs to help quiet their obsessive thoughts. Dr. Greenblatt says that when he was on meds for his own relationship OCD, the dread and fear that pushed him to take care of his obsessions were less intense.

Overall, there’s hope, says Dr. Bach. “I wish that more people knew that, with the right skills and the right practitioner who knows what they’re talking about, you can master your ROCD and live in a happy, healthy relationship.” 

*Name has been changed.

The post So, Relationship OCD Is a Thing appeared first on Wondermind.

Explainer Link Copied 01.29.24

So What’s the Difference Between OCD and OCPD?

Basically, OCPD is perfectionism that destroys your life. BySam Brodsky

Everybody knows someone who sets very high standards for themselves and the people around them. They re-do the bed after you’ve made it. They correct your grammar when you say “my brother and me” (like, does it really  matter?!). They never use the words “good” and “enough” back to back. Maybe that annoying person is actually you! Whatever the case, most of the time, that perfectionistic lifestyle is just a pain, but when perfectionism starts to mess with how you do life, it can teeter into OCPD territory—aka obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. 

Like the name implies, OCPD is a type of personality disorder, just like avoidant personality disorder or borderline personality disorder. Though the acronym kinda sounds like OCD, the two have less in common than you’d assume, says licensed clinical psychologist Sam Greenblatt, PsyD, who specializes in treating OCD and OCPD. (More on that in a sec.)

In case you’re not a psychologist (same), a personality disorder is a mental health condition that messes with your unique quirks, traits, and behaviors (in other words, your personality) in a way that negatively impacts how you interact in the world, explains psychologist and program director of the Northwell Health OCD Center Anthony Pinto, PhD, who studies OCPD and treats people with the disorder. “There’s an enduring pattern [of behavior] that’s creating problems for the person, either interfering with their relationships or creating a feeling of stuckness where they’re not able to advance toward the life they want,” Dr. Pinto adds.

With OCPD, people want things to go a certain way (whether it’s in their control or not)—and this inflexible kind of thinking can cause a ton of stress at work or at home. So it’s common for others to feel like they’re being controlled by someone with OCPD, Dr. Pinto says. And it’s not fun for the person with OCPD either: They can get really down on themselves for feeling like they’ll never meet their own expectations, Dr. Pinto explains. 

So, here, we explain more about OCPD, what causes it, and how it’s treated. Let’s go.

One quick thing before we dive into the details: Mental health is complex and everyone has a unique experience, so don’t go diagnosing yourself just because you read a few articles on the internet (though, we do appreciate you stopping by to learn a few things). If this resonates with you, consider it a jumping-off point in your journey to getting care. OK, let’s get into it…

What is OCPD?

In clinical terms, OCPD is, “a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of excessive perfectionism, orderliness, mental and interpersonal control, inability to compromise, and an exaggerated sense of moral responsibility,” according to the American Psychological Association. Ultimately, all of that makes life a lot harder.

OCPD is diagnosed in about 2% to 7.9% of people, though it could be higher since people with undiagnosed OCPD might just think how they do things is right and everyone else is the problem, says Dr. Greenblatt. In Dr. Pinto’s opinion, OCPD might be one of the most common personality disorders out there.

That said, OCPD can look different from person to person. To be diagnosed, you’d have to meet at least four out of eight criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR). One is that you’re so preoccupied with details, rules, lists, or schedules that you lose sight of what you’re trying to do. Other benchmarks include being so focused on making something perfect that you can’t get it done; dedicating so much time to work that you don’t make time for hobbies and friends; and doing everything yourself—unless someone can do it the way you want it. (Heads up: not all mental health pros agree with how the DSM-5-TR  classifies personality disorders, and this includes OCPD, says Dr. Pinto. But it’s what we’ve got for now.) 

All of that, plus the other criteria in the DSM-5-TR, can make time management and indecisiveness a real problem, Dr. Pinto says. Plus, this rigid way of seeing and doing life can make someone with OCPD base their worth on productivity and doing stuff correctly. That sometimes leads to depression when things aren’t turning out, says Dr. Pinto. And, like we said earlier, OCPD can affect relationships, especially in a world where shit changes and people do things in…their…own…ways.

Sure, this might sound like a lot of people in your life—or a lot like you—but to get diagnosed, this should’ve been going on for a while (usually at least five years) and damage your relationships, work, general life, or all the above, says Dr. Pinto.

OCPD vs OCD

To non-mental health pros, OCPD and OCD can sometimes look similar IRL since perfectionism can be a thing with OCD too, Dr. Pinto says. But OCD is a mental health condition where you have intrusive thoughts or images (called obsessions) that trigger repetitive behaviors (compulsions) to stop thinking about that or to just feel less anxious, explains Dr. Pinto. Let’s say your couch moved an inch out of place. If you have OCD, you might feel like you need to fix it because of an intrusive thought—something bad happening to you or your family, for example, says Dr. Pinto. With OCPD, you’d fix the couch because you want order and that’s how you think it should be, he says.  

What causes OCPD?

We don’t really know what leads to OCPD right now, says Dr. Pinto. That said, like a lot of mental diagnoses, it’s probably a mix of genetics and the way you were brought up, he notes. 

Based on Dr. Pinto’s experience, clients with OCPD sometimes have stressful childhoods, where maybe they had an inconsistent parent or someone in the home struggled with addiction. “Sometimes these rules and very rigid ways of doing things come as a way to compensate for some elements in their upbringing that were unpredictable,” he says. Other times, you just learn to be this way from your family, he adds.

How is OCPD treated?

OCPD sounds like a lot, and it is—but Dr. Pinto says therapy and medication can help. Antidepressants like SSRIs may help people with OCPD manage the anxiety and depression triggered by their high standards, says Dr. Pinto. And cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on understanding our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, can help someone learn to be OK not  doing things perfectly or to their standard, he says. With the help of a mental health pro, they can experiment doing things “wrong”—like putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher instead of rinsing them first, he explains. 

Sometimes Dr. Pinto’s patients say they’re scared getting help will turn them into people who are sloppy or lack motivation, but that’s not quite the case. Instead, therapy helps people with OCPD learn to be more flexible, improving their lives overall, he says. 

In Dr. Greenblatt’s experience, group therapy can help too because you feel seen by people going through similar things and you learn more about yourself. “Somebody … finally put words to something that you knew in the back of your head you did struggle with, but you’ve never been able to explain it,” he says. You feel less alone.

Speaking of feeling seen and less alone, you can look into support groups like You, Me & OCPD. You can also check out other resources on the OCPD Foundation website, which Dr. Pinto says is a new organization trying to raise awareness about the disorder and help people affected by it.  

At the end of the day, with the right treatment and support, change is possible for those with OCPD. “I have seen many patients [with OCPD] make changes and reclaim their lives—and live with much greater balance and meaning,” says Dr. Pinto.

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