Highly Recommend Link Copied 12.06.24

27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout

Sometimes adding to cart is the best way to show up for someone. BySam Brodsky

We all know someone who is really going through it. And, if you’ve been there, you’re very aware that hearing, “Just relax and take care of yourself!” is wildly unhelpful. A less annoying and more useful approach: sending over a thoughtful present that might actually help them incorporate TLC into their chaotic life. Enter: self-care gifts.

Self-care can be a lot of things: drinking enough water, getting outside, calling your people when you need them. But it doesn’t always have to be so basic. ICYMI, self-care is any activity that provides “a protective buffer against stress,” therapist Siobhan D. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, previously told Wondermind. Those little habits enable you to handle setbacks and overwhelm more easily. In this moment of chaos, we could all use that superpower. 

Whether you’re shopping for a stressed friend or your frazzled self (’tis the season!), we found some of the best self-care gifts for decompressing, easing anxiety, and creating moments of calm.

The post 27 Self-Care Gifts for Anyone on the Verge of Burnout appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 07.23.24

What to Do If You Actually Kinda Hate Yourself

You probably aren’t a garbage human! BySam Brodsky

If you often find yourself thinking, Ugh, I hate myself, when shit goes wrong, then you get it. 

Self-hatred is a tough mental state to exist in. Oftentimes, it shows up as an intense inner dislike, feelings of shame, negative thoughts (I hate myself  or I’m not good enough), low self-worth, and isolation, says therapist Emily Myhre, LCSW. And for some people, that self-hate mindset can be hard to shake, Myhre explains.  

While lots of circumstances can lead to self-hatred (also called self-loathing), people who hate themselves generally believe that something is wrong with them, says therapist Allyson Sproul, LCSW, CAADC. 

Sometimes that belief stems from adversity we faced growing up (see: bullying, harsh parenting, racism, etc.), Sproul says. When we can’t explain why bad things or traumas happened to us, we often blame ourselves. That can feed into self-loathing too, Myhre says. As we get older, if we feel like we’re not living up to a certain standard, we can feel bad about who we are. Over time, those thoughts and feelings can lead to self-hatred, Sproul explains. 

Regardless of your upbringing or past experiences, self-hatred can be more common in those dealing with mental health concerns like depression, addiction, or body dysmorphia, says Sproul. 

However you got here, being stuck in this cycle can feel pretty hopeless, but you can work toward a healthier sense of self over time by addressing the symptoms that fuel self-loathing. That progress won’t be quick, since you’re likely undoing decades of negative thought patterns, says Myhre. Still, every small step will get you closer to where you want to be and further from where you are now. Below, therapists explain exactly how to do that. 

1. Find the origins of your negative self-talk. 

Finding out where your self-hatred comes from can help you actually do something about it. Myhre suggests getting to the root cause by asking yourself: When I talk down to myself, whose voice does it sound like? Is it my parents’ or random trolls’ online? Is it a new voice or an old voice?  When you know where that voice is coming from, it gets a little easier to counteract it.

2. Reframe your thoughts.

Like we said, negative thoughts about ourselves stoke self-hatred. So, by trying to make these thoughts more neutral, we can lower the volume on the hate, says Sproul. Take an idea like, I can’t do anything right. You can reframe it as something like, I’m human, and not everything I do is perfect. It’s not super positive, but it’s a more realistic take on whatever went wrong. Ditto for tweaking, Why does everyone hate me? to something more realistic like, I’m not for everyone, just like not everyone is for me. You’ll probably find that neutrality is easier for a self-hating brain to believe than a positive affirmation like, I’m the best!!!!, says Myhre. It’s not as big of a jump.

You can also try editing your rude self-talk to be less blame-y, suggests Sproul. So that might look like, That didn’t go well, instead of, That didn’t go well because I’m an idiot. Again, that reframe isn’t optimistic, but it also doesn’t belittle you for existing. Baby steps.

3. Put your thoughts on trial.   

Another way to lessen the impact of self-deprecating thoughts is to challenge them. A lot of the time our negative internal dialogue is irrational, meaning there’s no actual evidence to support the rude things we’re saying. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop us from believing them anyway, says Myhre. However, when you make an effort to disprove those thoughts, it’s easier to see them as distorted and untrue.

Say you’re thinking, I fail no matter what I do. Ask yourself if that’s definitely the case. Was there ever a time you didn’t  fail, even if you weren’t totally successful? If nothing comes to mind, ask people you trust for their perspective, suggests Myhre. You can text them something like, “I’m in a bad headspace and thinking all I do is fail. Heeelp! Do you remember a time when I actually didn’t fuck up?” Spoiler: They do.

4. Practice gratitude.

By making an effort to notice what you’re grateful for, you’re training your brain to think more positively. And the more you practice finding the good in what’s around you, the easier it is to identify goodness in yourself, Myhre explains. (Also, it helps that gratitude is shown to boost your overall mood, she adds.) 

So, set a reminder to think about a few things you’re grateful for (even if it’s your halfway-decent cup of coffee), Myhre says. Keep doing that until it becomes easier for you to notice nice things unprompted. That’ll help you start to recognize the positive things about yourself.

5. Consider what’s actually in your control.

When you’re in a self-hate cycle, blaming yourself for everything can become a habit—even if you did nothing wrong, notes Myhre. So when you’re in the thick of that, try to objectively analyze the entire story or problem and see how much is really your fault. 

The next time you start to beat yourself up for your boss’s passive-aggressive comment—because you suck, so obviously  you did something wrong—try this out: Open a Google doc or use a pen and paper to write the story from beginning to end. Then, review it and get really skeptical about how much you contributed to the problem. Don’t be surprised if you find that you’re not  the only one to blame, Myhre says. 

6. Tap into your confidence.

As we’ve said, when you hate yourself, you think negatively about You. But doing something you’re good at helps you switch into a more positive frame of mind (without having to be all “I love myself” in the mirror). You feel confident, in control, and maybe even a little happy, Sproul says. 

To get out of self-hate mode, break out a puzzle you know you’ll crush, cook a recipe you always nail, or make a playlist your friend will love. Whatever activity feels like an easy target is fair game.

7. Own up to your mistakes.

Guilt is definitely appropriate when you’ve effed up, but self-hatred can make you hold onto that feeling and ruminate about being a horrible person. In that case, forgiving yourself and making amends can help you release the shame a bit, says Myhre. That’s because owning up to your mistakes proves that you’re worthy of forgiveness and you can learn from your mistakes. “Self-hatred hates that because it wants to keep you [feeling horrible],” Myhre says.

Of course, forgiving yourself isn’t easy when you feel like an awful person. So try some self-compassion by reminding yourself that humans make mistakes, says Myhre. You can also ask yourself, If someone else did the exact thing I did, would I treat them this way?  (Probably not.) Then, say or text an apology to whomever needs to hear it and commit to showing  them you’re sorry by changing how you act, Myhre adds.

8. Examine your coping skills.

Sometimes people dealing with self-hate turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms (like self-harm, overspending, or substance use) as a form of punishment or because those things feel good in the moment, Myhre and Sproul say. Unfortunately, those behaviors usually cause more shame, which leads to more  self-hatred, they note. Finding positive ways to cope (like going for a walk, taking a soothing shower, talking to someone, or letting yourself feel your feelings) can break that cycle. If you’re having a hard time shifting your coping skills on your own, a therapist can help you figure out why and can support you as you make changes, says Sproul.

9. Seek help.

Depending on what your self-hatred stems from, you might want to look for a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy, body image issues, substance use, or family and relationships. Once you land on a therapist, they can “help you understand how you’re thinking, how you’re behaving, and the impact that has on your life,” says Myhre. “There’s nothing you can’t say to us, truthfully, that we haven’t heard, or, even if we haven’t heard it, we’re never going to judge you for it.”

The post What to Do If You Actually Kinda Hate Yourself appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 05.28.24

7 Things Not to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed

“Other people have it worse…” (*gag*) BySam Brodsky

Feeling depressed is hard enough, so we know you don’t want to accidentally make it even worse by saying the wrong thing. We’re not implying you have to walk on eggshells around someone who is depressed. But it’s worth noting that what you say can come across as unhelpful and judgy even if you’re trying to get a friend or fam member to look on ~the bright side~. 

In case you haven’t experienced it yourself, depression can feel like heaviness that doesn’t dissipate, a total lack of motivation, and a deep loneliness. So, regarding what not  to say to someone with depression, avoid language that might exacerbate these feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and isolation, says psychotherapist and clinical social worker Linda Tran, LICSW. Instead, the goal is to communicate in a way that makes them feel respected, safe, and understood and encourages them to seek support, she says.

You won’t always say (or do) the right things when you’re with a depressed friend, so give yourself some grace, says clinical psychologist Leah Katz, PhD, author of Gutsy: Mindfulness Practices for Everyday Bravery. The important part is that you’re showing up and trying; don’t get so worried about your wording that you don’t reach out at all.  

To help you help them, we asked mental health professionals for some common responses that do more harm than you realize. Here’s what not to say to someone with depression and what to say or do instead, according to these experts.

1. “But you have a great life!”

You might think that reminding someone of all the good stuff going on is a rad idea because it’ll boost their mood. And that logic does make sense—we’ll give you that. But pointing out their fun and well-paying job, supportive partner, and living quarters that aren’t  500 square feet is super invalidating, notes Dr. Katz.

Implying that they don’t have things in their life to be depressed about suggests they’re making a choice to be depressed, clinical psychologist Sally Weinstein, PhD, associate director of the University of Illinois Center on Depression and Resilience, previously explained. “You wouldn’t ask someone, ‘Why do you have asthma? You have such a good job,’” she added. Point taken!

Sure, life struggles can play a role in why people are depressed, but so can genetics, biological factors, and even certain medications, per the National Institute of Mental Health. So just because things seem great on paper, that doesn’t mean someone can’t  be going through a depressive episode, says Tran. It doesn’t always have to be situational, she adds.

That said, it is  helpful to encourage a perspective shift since depression can give you tunnel vision where you only focus on the heaviness you feel, says Dr. Katz. But instead of forcing gratitude on them, gently put the ball in their court. 

Ask them if there are small moments where they’ve felt content or even just OK, suggests Dr. Katz. Whether that’s petting their dog, moving their body, or talking to a friend, helping them connect with what gives them value and purpose can really make a difference. It reminds them that joy exists and depression might not last forever, she explains.  

2. “Other people have it worse.”

This is another example of the wrong way to put things in perspective. Hearing this can make a depressed person feel ashamed, like they don’t have a right to their experience, says Dr. Katz. Just like saying that to someone with anxiety, it can also stop them from getting the support they ultimately need to feel better.   

A better way to go about this is to first validate their feelings (even if you don’t fully understand them) by saying, “It seems like you’re struggling, and I’m so sorry it’s hard for you right now.” This can help convey that you empathize with them, says Dr. Katz. Then, you can go back to what she suggested earlier: asking them to think about times where they felt a bit of joy or, simply, OK-ness. 

When they’re feeling a smidge lighter, you could also encourage them to write a letter to their future depressed self, Dr. Katz suggests. Reading words from their own perspective, when things aren’t as bad as they’ve been, is sometimes easier to believe than reminders that come from someone else, she notes. 

3. “Maybe it’s just [insert whatever here]!”

It’s totally understandable to not want someone you love to feel the heaviness of depression, so you resort to saying, “Well, maybe you’ve been working too hard or need more sleep.” But this can feel very minimizing and dismissive, like you’re not understanding what they’re going through and you’re trying to explain it away, says Dr. Katz.   

If you genuinely want to point out that they’ve talked about their lack of sleep, for example, (which can  be a symptom of depression, by the way!) it’s better to frame it as a question, rather than implying that perhaps  the depression is actually something else, says Dr. Katz. You can say something like, “Do you think your sleep could be impacting your mood at all?” she suggests. It’s not like you’re trying to prove their depression isn’t  depression. Instead, you’re coming from a place of curiosity and showing them you want to hear what they have to say, which feels supportive, Dr. Katz explains.

4. “Have you tried…?” *Proceeds to give unsolicited advice.*

Your first instinct might be to tell your loved one about what worked for you or others. Sure, maybe quitting your job helped you, or maybe you’ve been down a Reddit hole of “remedies” you think might help them. But if they don’t ask for this advice, it might come across as you think you know better than they do, says Dr. Katz. 

Not to mention, they might have zero energy to focus on getting better, in which case the last thing they’d want is for someone to tell them what to do, says Tran. In those moments, they might just need their struggles to be heard, she says.   

Instead, ask if they’re open to hearing advice or if there’s anything else you can help them with, Dr. Katz suggests. Try, “How can I be there for you right now? Do you want me to listen or are you looking for advice?” And, to keep it real, you can always ask if you’re overstepping their boundaries, Dr. Katz notes. 

If they’re not in a receiving-advice kind of mood, there are so many other ways you can help, like vetting therapists for them or offering a hand with day-to-day stuff they might not feel up to doing.

5. “I know exactly what you’re going through.”

Hearing from someone else in their life who’s experienced depression can make a depressed person feel less alone. But going right into your own experience can kinda hijack a conversation and make it about you when you’re really looking to support them, says Dr. Katz. 

You’re probably trying to validate them by declaring that you know what they’re experiencing, but it can come across as presumptuous because everyone’s circumstances are different, says Tran. 

Instead, just like asking if they want advice, you can say, “I have some things that I think might be helpful for you to hear about my own experience with depression. Are you in a place for that right now?” suggests Dr. Katz. Tran agrees that it’s better to give them a choice and also mention that you know your experiences might be a tad different. 

If they don’t want to hear your story, that’s fine! You can just listen to them or spend time with them, if that’s what they need, says Tran.

6. “You don’t look depressed.”

Lots of people who have depression are “high-functioning” and can mask it pretty well. “They show up to work, they’ll go out, and they’ll laugh when they know they’re supposed to laugh, but they’re really depressed on the inside,” says Dr. Katz. Many depression symptoms are internal too—thoughts or feelings that aren’t noticeable to other people, she notes.

Pointing out that someone doesn’t look depressed isn’t helpful because it can deter them from opening up (and it low-key gives off I-don’t-believe-you vibes). It can also make someone feel like you aren’t able to make space for how they’re feeling, says Dr. Katz. Then, they might shut down and get discouraged from getting help from others, notes Tran.  

If you want to let them know you’re surprised to hear they’re depressed, simply say that. Dr. Katz suggests something like, “Wow, I didn’t realize how bad you were feeling. I’m so glad you told me. How can I be here for you?” 

You can then ask if they want to talk about the struggles that you weren’t able to see, says Tran. “By asking about these hidden aspects, a person can feel seen, heard, and validated.” 

7. “You’re not suicidal, right?”

It makes sense if you jump to the worst-case scenario that someone who’s depressed may not want to be alive. Research shows that the risk of suicide is higher in people with depression than in people who aren’t depressed, and suicidal thoughts are among the many symptoms of a major depressive episode, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR).

However (and this is a big one), people can be depressed and not have suicidal thoughts at all, or they can be suicidal and not experience depression, notes licensed clinical psychologist Kathryn Gordon, PhD, author of The Suicidal Thoughts Workbook. 

Basically, it’s valid to want to ask, but the way that you ask is so, so important. If you say, “You’re not suicidal, right?” that implies that you don’t want them to answer “yes.” It deters them from actually being honest since it comes across as judgmental, Dr. Gordon explains. Bring your concern up in a warm and nonjudgmental way instead, by saying you’re worried about them because of X, Y, Z and asking if they’re having suicidal thoughts, she suggests. You can also add something like, “I could be wrong…” to acknowledge that you aren’t trying to assume anything, notes Tran. 

Don’t worry, you won’t plant the idea in their head if they weren’t thinking about it, says Dr. Gordon. That’s a myth about suicide worth remembering. If they haven’t thought about it before, they’ll tell you that, and they probably won’t be mad at you for asking if you’re coming from a place of concern, she notes.

But if they were  having those thoughts, you’ve just created a safe space for this person to talk about them, Dr. Gordon says. Give them the floor by asking questions that’ll help you understand what they’re going through and show that you’re interested in their experience, she suggests. These could include, “What is this like for you?” and “What kind of thoughts or feelings are you having lately?” Then, try summarizing what they’ve said back to them, Dr. Gordon suggests.

From there, you can ask what’s actually helpful and continue to check in on them. (Here’s more advice for how to help someone who is suicidal, if you need it.) 

The post 7 Things Not to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 05.13.24

14 Ways People Are Navigating the Pandemic Skip

What year is it? How old am I? Where are all of my friends now? BySam Brodsky

If you woke up on your last birthday (or, honestly, any day) and thought, I’m HOW old?! It’s WHAT year?!  Yeah, that’s real. Ever since 2020, a lot of us have felt like we seemingly lost chunks of time. Because of that, we felt off-kilter and not entirely our ages as we slowly returned to “normal.” This experience is what a 2023 essay in The Cut  perfectly named the “pandemic skip.”

Even if you haven’t used the words “pandemic” and “skip” together, you might know the feeling. One study found that, for thousands of Americans surveyed during the first six months of the pandemic, time felt like it sped up or slowed down—which is common for “an unprecedented collective trauma,” the study’s authors write. And when you have an effed up perception of time and emerge from the confines of lockdown, things are bound to feel out of whack.

Varsha D., 28, says that now that she’s on the other side of lockdown, she is incredibly sad about the people we lost and the time  we lost too. She finds herself feeling like she’s still 24. 

And that feeling makes total sense. When your normal routine changes and you miss experiences that generally indicate time’s passing—like graduations, weddings, baby showers, and holidays—you can absolutely be disoriented, explains licensed clinical psychologist Ryan Howes, PhD. This can happen during any sort of life-derailing setback, like losing someone close to you, getting sick, or (yep!) going through a pandemic, says Dr. Howes.

Dr. Howes says his clients described this pandemic skip as a detour from life because they missed out on the dating scene, jobs, or an in-person education. You might also be a bit confused when arbitrary social norms tell you that, by now, your timeline should look a certain way since you’re somehow older than you feel. 

All of this can obviously impact your mood day to day. If you get the sense that the pandemic left you in the dust or unequipped to take on what you used to think of as age-appropriate milestones, you might feel inadequate, insecure, stuck, and/or full of existential dread, explains clinical psychologist Cynthia Shaw, PsyD.

Yes, that’s a lot. But one of the best ways to deal with the pandemic skip is to grieve the experiences and time you lost, Dr. Shaw notes. That’s not the only strategy that can help you feel better though. Here, people who’ve dealt with this special brand of mental trickery (or are still dealing with it) explain how they’re managing so you can do the same. 

1. Focus on ~happiness~. 

“I truly feel like the pandemic took my last year of my 20s and, suddenly, I’m freaking out about my timeline now that I’m 33. Instead of focusing on what I’ve lost or where I should be, I’m trying to make more space for things that bring me joy. That means learning French, planning more travels, meditating, and going to Pilates. It’s been such a helpful perspective shift for me.” —Amy D., 33

2. Think about what you’re grateful for.

“I definitely feel like, at this age, I should be a homeowner by now, but the pandemic rocked the housing market. Here I am, years after lockdown, almost six months pregnant and scrambling to find a place with more space. Mentally, it’s been an exhausting journey and the stress seems to be getting worse, not better. The best tool in my toolbox to combat this is gratitude. I’m grateful for my husband, the apartment we have, our cat, and the healthy baby girl growing inside of me.” —Julia G., 32

3. Set personal goals.

“I’ve stopped comparing my life to others and learned to replace those negative thoughts with direct action and planning. Instead of comparison, I set realistic short-term goals for myself.” —Anonymous, 35 

4. Make up for lost fun.

“I was 23 when the pandemic started, and now I’m 28. I feel like I missed my prime 20s-partying era, but I’m too tired to hit the clubs every weekend. I don’t force it, but I remind myself that I can still go out and have fun! In fact, post lockdown, I am more confident, have more money, have better friends, and make better decisions, so my nightlife is actually way more elevated and fun (with less hangovers).” —Kendall F., 28

5. Take back your time.

“My pandemic skip really set in when my boundaries between work and home life went out the window in 2021. Everything moved fast, and I felt like I wasn’t paying attention to time lost until the stress of my job really took over. I was also making excuses for my path in life because I kept saying, ‘I just need to get through X before I can do Y.’ Now more than ever, I understand how important it is to create the life I want for myself in the present instead of putting it off. It’s empowering to take back control of my time, and it feels really good to make progress with creative ideas.” —Char P., 52

6. Remember that timelines are fake.

“I got engaged in 2019 and had planned our wedding for the summer of 2020. Like many others, Covid postponed our plans. Everything felt just out of reach because we had to put things off, like I’d found who I wanted to marry and who I wanted to buy a home with, but we were stuck. Feeling behind took a toll on my self-esteem and made me feel sad. While I did eventually get married, I still sometimes feel like I should have hit more milestones by now, like being further in my career or having a family. Now, whenever I see friends or family members announcing their own milestones, I try to keep reminding myself that timelines are made up, so I’m not actually behind on life.” —Caitlin U., 31

7. Lean into self-compassion.

“Entering a new decade is always a milestone, though I never imagined that I would be entering my 30s while living at home, without a job, in a worldwide lockdown. I’m now 33, but I feel like I’m still 30 because I missed out on trips and life experiences during the pandemic. So, in moments when I’m most hard on myself, I try to give myself grace by being kind to myself. That looks like going on solo dates, doing stuff that makes me happy, or writing down one positive thing that happened to me that day—like not hitting any traffic.” —N.C., 33

8. Shift your focus. 

“I started my undergrad studies in mid-2019, so I only had about one on-site semester before everything went completely online until 2022. I didn’t have the typical university experience. What helps me feel less behind now is focusing on the good outcomes, like how I appreciated taking online exams instead of taking them in person and how social distancing actually helped my anxiety and made me feel safer.” —Alessa D., 25

9. Get back into a routine. 

“I think those of us who experience the pandemic skip have felt anxiety and fear that time got away from us. It’s like this train that’s running and we’re missing the train. There’s been a lot of adjusting and getting used to what life looks like now, but having a few things I do consistently, as a creature of habit, helps ground me. My Friday get-togethers with friends remind me that I’m not actually missing out. I also journal, exercise, and go to therapy regularly.” —Ryan Howes, PhD, clinical psychologist

10. Find happiness where you are.

“I see a lot of my friends getting engaged and married, and I feel pressure to follow suit because I’m now 28. Even though I know that I want to get married to my boyfriend, I don’t feel old enough yet, especially because the pandemic slowed down our plans to move in together. One way I’m mentally dealing with it is recognizing that everyone is at their own phase in life and age is just a number. I don’t have to be where everyone else is at as long as I’m happy with where I’m  at.” —Kendall F., 28

11. Live intentionally. 

“It’s easy to resonate with many of my younger clients who also felt they missed out on some major milestones like graduation. Due to the pandemic, my grad school graduation was remote, and so there was no formal hooding ceremony or group celebration with the people I’d spent five years of training with. I think what’s helped me the most is taking advantage of the time that I have now by doing what’s important to me. Connecting with the people I love, putting out good energy into the world, taking care of myself, and engaging in meaningful work all contribute to that.” —Cynthia Shaw, PsyD, clinical psychologist and certified grief professional

12. Find comfort in solitude.

“I feel like the pandemic made me lose precious time and set me back a few years when it comes to reaching my goals. Though I’m happy I went back to grad school at the beginning of Covid, I don’t own a home, I don’t have the savings I want, and I don’t have a partner—which makes me still feel sad and lonely sometimes. I also feel a little panicked that I’m now almost 43 and am no closer to being in a relationship. Even though I’m staying positive about meeting someone, I’m trying to be comfortable spending time alone. So, when I’m by myself, I do creative hobbies I enjoy, like writing, painting, sewing, and knitting.” —Sonya S., 42

13. Have patience for your path.

“I was in my mid-20s during the pandemic, and I felt like I lost that time of my life where I could meet new friends, find myself and what my interests were, and enjoy being single. Now, my friends are getting married and buying houses, and I feel left behind. It makes me sad that I lost that time and that I’m not where I want to be today. Though I’m still feeling all of this, I try to keep in mind that everyone’s path is different. I may not be in the same place as my peers, but that doesn’t mean those things won’t happen for me.” —Brit K., 29

14. Remember you aren’t the only one who feels this way.

“I try to remind myself that the height of the pandemic really was a crisis state unlike anything we’ve ever experienced, so it’s normal that, during that time, I couldn’t do things I would have normally done. A lot of us, on a global scale, went through the pandemic and  the pandemic skip. I’m not alone.” —Alessa D., 25

Quotes have been edited and condensed for length and clarity. 

The post 14 Ways People Are Navigating the Pandemic Skip appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 05.08.24

11 Surprising Ways You Can Be a Much Better Friend

You’re not the worst, but couldn’t we all be better? BySam Brodsky

Human connection of any kind gives us a sense of belonging, but friendship’s special. A lot of the time, these people know us on a deep level and let us get vulnerable in a way that really makes us feel supported and cared for, says clinical psychologist and friendship researcher Miriam Kirmayer, PhD. When it comes down to it, healthy, supportive companionships can help people combat and deal with struggles they may face, like anxiety, depression, and loneliness, she explains. 

Despite all the mental health benefits of friendship, maintaining those bonds can be hard. Life happens! So it’s not a bad idea to do a little audit every once in a while to make sure you’re really showing up for your people (which doesn’t always have to be a big thing!). If you’re not sure you’re hitting the mark, here are some great ways to be an even better friend. 

1. Have regular mental health check-ins. 

It’s easy to engage in surface-level conversations when you have tons going on or don’t feel like getting deep: The weather sure does suck. Did you catch the Met Gala?  This is all fine! Though taking the time to speak with a friend about how you’re both feeling—like, really feeling—can help them and  you express stuff you might be holding in.

Therapist Kedian Dixon, LMHC, LPC, does this with her own friends, even if it’s just a “What’s going on?” or “How are you feeling?” or “Do you need anything?” text. You can send that when you already know your friend’s having a difficult time or if they’ve been MIA from the group chat for a week. But you don’t have to wait for those moments. Go ahead and send it when they seem otherwise fine—you never know what people, even your people, are dealing with and if they have the right support.

Of course, if you start doing these check-ins and they’re not in the mental space to talk, leave them be, says Dixon. That’s part of being a good friend too.

2. Plan friend dates.

One of the hardest parts of maintaining a friendship or making friends as an adult, is actually seeing each other. But putting time on your calendars to meet up for a date is a fantastic way to prioritize each other and actually connect, Dixon says. Whether that’s Netflix and literally chilling or grabbing dinner, treating your meetup like a date gives you space to truly be intentional about catching up.

3. Stick with them through life changes (if you can).

Yeah, what you and your friend do or how often you see each other will probably change if you’re single and child-free and they…aren’t anymore. But just because you don’t have as much in common as of late, doesn’t mean your bond is doomed, says Dixon. 

That’s a huge reason Rachel S., 30, loves her best friend, Britt. “Britt’s a mom of two, and it’s so meaningful that she can hold space for me as a person in a whole other season of her life,” she says. In the past, friends who’ve gotten married and had kids walked on eggshells around Rachel S., asking if she was sad she didn’t have a partner or kids every time they talked about theirs, she explains. “It’s so validating that Britt’s never acted like I have a junior or pre-life life because I’m single.”

Aside from seeing each other when they can, Britt sometimes calls even if she’s driving somewhere with her kiddos, and this makes Rachel S. feel like she’s still on her friend’s mind. In return, Rachel S. says she’ll make sure to ask how Britt is doing with mom life and  life outside of being a parent.

If you’re in a similar situation, being open to making different types of plans with someone who’s transitioned into their new era is key, says Dixon. 

4. Be there for big moments. 

This may seem like a no-brainer, but being a friend means that you’re there for the other person to hype them up in good times or stand by their side when hard things (grief, breakups, depression) happen. Being there for important events is where it really counts, notes Dixon.

Case in point: Kendall F., 28, says that, before a recent surgery, a friend texted her to ask how she was feeling leading up to it, and that same friend sent flowers after. We love to see it. 

Also, an anonymous reader told Wondermind that one of her friends never fails to call to wish her a happy birthday, which happens to fall on New Year’s Eve…a very big night. “I made a comment about hating my birthday because everyone is too busy celebrating New Year’s to remember it or too hungover to want to celebrate it. So when she goes out of her way to try to make me feel important, it means everything to me.”

5. Surprise them with kindness.

It’s one thing to be there for someone when they ask you to—or when it’s pretty obvious they need you for support. But showing up for a friend virtually and IRL just because you’re thinking of them hits different since, again, you never know what someone’s going through, Dixon points out.

Enter: random acts of kindness. Nikki O., 33, says her sister, who is a wonderful friend to her, sends encouraging cards out of the blue. This means a lot to her because they’re unexpected and she appreciates the time it takes to write them out, she says. 

If cards aren’t your (or your friend’s) thing, you can even unexpectedly send your pal a nice text saying how much you appreciate them or ship them a care package filled with their favorite things, suggests Dixon. 

6. Actually listen.

We’ve all been there. You half-read someone’s novel of a text about their passive-aggressive boss and, since you don’t want to leave them on read but need to go about your day, you reply with a super quick, “Damn, that sucks!!!” 

Giving someone your full attention is hard to come by, so, as sad as it sounds, being generous with your time is a real treat, Dr. Kirmayer notes. Yes, this might mean waiting to respond to their text or calling them back when you get a few minutes.

When it comes time to listen, show them that you’re working to understand what they’re saying and that you support them, says Dr. Kirmayer. This might look like reflecting back what you’re hearing them say and asking if you’re getting it right, validating their feelings, and making eye contact or adding in some head nods if you’re in person or on FaceTime, she notes. 

You can also bring up details from past convos to show that you’re always  paying attention to what they say. Valerie E., 25, says that when she vents to one of her friends about a problem, they often reference similar issues Valerie E. faced before and how she got through them. “It’s like she knows my life story better than I do,” she says.

7. When you don’t agree with their actions, validate their feelings. 

There’s a difference between validating what someone’s feeling and cosigning how they’re acting, says Dr. Kirmayer. “Normalizing certain emotions or reactions doesn’t necessarily mean that you are condoning the associated behaviors.”

So, instead of being inauthentic—or putting them down for how they’re coping with something—you can find one thing about their situation that you empathize with and validate that, Dr. Kirmayer suggests. 

Say your friend’s go-to coping mechanism after their divorce is opening a bottle of red a few nights a week. You can be like, “This split is messed up, and I can see why you’re so hurt.” Or, if you don’t get why they’re doing whatever they’re doing, you can ask more questions instead of telling them what they should or shouldn’t do, says Dr. Kirmayer.

8. Do a shared gratitude practice.

Paying more attention to the amazing things a friend does to support you and telling them about it makes them  feel like you value your friendship (which you do!), says Dr. Kirmayer. “It doesn’t matter what it is. If we go out of our way to share that, we feel closer to that friend and  they have a good sense of what they can do to better support us in the future—and vice versa.”

If they’re up for it, you can consistently send each other what you’re grateful for (aside from your friendship). That way, you can celebrate each other’s joy and feel close to each other while you’re doing it, notes Dr. Kirmayer. 

I.K., 38, says that she does this type of practice on an app called Gratitude Plus, where you can post what you’re grateful for and invite friends to do the same. It helps I.K. keep tabs on what’s going on with J, a friend who lives in a completely different time zone and country. She knows that J’s become a closeted BTS fan and her daughter’s learning to swim without goggles. “You may know someone, but when you see what people are grateful for on a daily basis, you really understand what makes them them,” I.K. explains.

9. Invite them places even if they’ve recently said no. 

We all know the feeling. But, if you’re on the other end of those “no”s, extending an invite despite your friend’s lack of attendance can let them know they’re still important to you, says Takuro M., 25.

As Wondermind’s deputy editor Ashley Oerman previously pointed out, if the pandemic has taught us anything about friendship, it’s that our people (ideally) won’t stop inviting us because we said no. “[A]nother thing I learned during These Times is that the people who love you for the adorable homebody you are won’t go anywhere,” she wrote.    

10. Send memories to a friend.  

Like sharing gratitude with your friends, laughing (or crying!) over a shared memory together can help you feel close. Jourdan S., 38, says that, as a way to reconnect, she’ll send friends videos and photos that capture fun times she’s had with them. (It’s also super convenient that our iPhones will create little montages for us, she notes.) Or, if she passes their favorite restaurant or a place tied to a memorable experience they had, she’ll text them about it. “These gestures are small but meaningful ways I show my friends they are valued and remembered,” she says. 

11. Own up to your mistakes.

As much as you try to be a great friend, you’re bound to disappoint or hurt them at some point. That said, making it to the other side of conflict can help you feel closer to each other, Dr. Kirmayer. “When we can communicate about the difficult things in our friendship where someone has said or done something hurtful, that’s communicating that this relationship is worth this discomfort, it’s worth the vulnerability, it’s worth the work,” she explains.

So, let yourself see those mess-ups as part of what makes you human, and take responsibility for what you’ve done, Dr. Kirmayer suggests. Own up to mistakes and flat-out apologize to validate your friend’s hurt. Then, keep on showing up as their pal. Because, Dr. Kirmayer says, choosing to stick it out is incredibly powerful.

The post 11 Surprising Ways You Can Be a Much Better Friend appeared first on Wondermind.

Pro Tips Link Copied 04.12.24

How to Actually Be a Happier Person

Gonna go gawk at a sunset. BySam Brodsky

First, a myth worth busting: Learning how to be happy does not mean never feeling shitty ever again. That’s just not realistic. “Life is not frictionless. You’re going to experience loss; you’re going to be frightened or anxious or angry,” says happiness researcher Emiliana R. Simon-Thomas, PhD, science director of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. To imagine that even a happy life won’t have unpleasant moments is a major misnomer, she notes. 

Another big misconception about how to be happier is that it involves a higher salary or getting a fancier job, says psychologist Laurie Santos, PhD. Obviously, money makes a difference in your life—especially when you do not have it. But you don’t need a raise to start feeling a bit happier about whatever’s going on for you right now. What matters most is changing your everyday behaviors and mindset, says Dr. Santos, who hosts The Happiness Lab  podcast and teaches Yale’s uber popular course: Psychology and the Good Life.

Also, happiness isn’t usually a thing that you just stumble upon (though anyone who’s found a $20 bill on the street knows it can  happen like that). Most of the time, you’ll become happier by working on it consistently. Dr. Santos says she likes to explain it with a leaky tire analogy her friend and fellow psychologist Nick Epley, PhD, came up with. You have to keep doing things to pump your joy back up over time. “It’s not like you do them once, and then you’re done and happy forever,” Dr. Santos explains.

Of course, if you’ve been feeling super down for a while, these little happy hacks likely won’t address what’s really going on. In that case, think about whether reaching out to a mental health pro for some support could help you ID the root of your hard feelings and help you sort through it, says Dr. Santos. 

But if you’re just looking for some ways to pump up your own joy, try these expert-backed tips.

1. Make someone else’s day.

It’s been well-documented in happiness research that acts of kindness can make people doing those nice things happier because we’re wired that way. One of the reasons altruism makes us happy is because humans evolved to feel good when they made others  feel good. “What we know at the neuroscience level is that kindness, generosity, or actions that serve others activate the reward pathways,” explains Dr. Simon-Thomas. That’s the same system in your brain that makes you feel good when you see something hilarious on TikTok or eat something really delicious. That system’s activated when your brain associates a situation, experience, or object with a positive outcome. “So it is actually innately pleasing just to do something that has a benefit, that brings joy to others,” she adds. 

Another reason why being a good person to others makes us happier: It enables us to feel like we matter, explains Dr. Simon-Thomas. What makes you feel like your actions are important and valuable is knowing they actually help someone, she says. When you contribute to humanity in some way that you can actually name or identify, even something tiny like holding a door, it reminds you of your innate capacity to make a positive difference in the lives of others, says Dr. Simon-Thomas.

2. Get your friend a little treat when you can.

Despite how great an Amazon haul might make you feel, some research suggests that when people spend money on others (what psychologists call “prosocial spending”), they tend to feel happier than when they spend the same money on themselves, says Dr. Santos. She pointed to a review of research where, in one small experiment, people who spent money on others (donations, toys for siblings, or food for friends) reported happier moods throughout the day than those told to spend the cash on themselves. 

Dropping money for others probably feels good because we’re making people happy, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. As she explains, when we see that somebody else is uplifted or pleasantly surprised because of something we did, it ~sparks joy~ for those biological reasons described above.

The researchers also found that participants who spent money on someone else in an in-person social interaction got even more out of their dollars. For example, “participants who received a $10 Starbucks gift card were happier if they spent it on a friend rather than on themselves—but only if they took the time to go to Starbucks with their friend,” the study authors write. Makes sense—connecting with people we like also makes us feel good. 

Whatever and however you choose to spend your money on others, it definitely doesn’t have to be a whole lot (because…you know…life’s expensive). The participants in the experiments above spent as little as $5 or as much as $20. So there’s that! 

3. Make small talk with a stranger.

When you’re out in public, you might feel like an antisocial goblin who doesn’t want to talk to anyone (and…same). But speaking with strangers instead of keeping to yourself can sometimes boost your mood because it’s a type of human connection, says Dr. Simon-Thomas.

Human connection makes us happy because it enables us to rely on each other to survive and accomplish shared goals, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. “As a cooperative, social species, support from the people around us was critical to our success back in the evolutionary day,” agrees Dr. Santos. 

It’s not a great experience to feel excluded or lonely, Dr. Simon-Thomas adds. So even just connecting with a stranger creates a sense of trust and belonging, she says. 

It doesn’t have to be a super deep convo! Keep it simple and ask the person bagging your groceries how their day’s going, Dr. Simon-Thomas suggests. People in Dr. Epley’s experiments, who were told to purposely try connecting with strangers on public transportation, started convos by saying things like “bless you” after someone sneezed or bringing up the news (did you see  that eclipse?!). Turns out, they reported more positive experiences than those who kept to themselves. Basically, don’t discount the joy-pumping potential of connecting with other humans—even in a small way. 

4. Consider all the things that don’t suck.

Yes, a lot of shitty shit happens in this life—and, again, you can’t expect to not  have any setbacks. However! Purposely taking time to appreciate something seemingly small (like your morning coffee) and something a bit bigger (like a friend helping you through a life change) can be a really powerful way to trigger happiness, says Dr. Santos.

Gratitude can help you view life more optimistically, says psychologist and researcher Robert Emmons, PhD, author of The Little Book of Gratitude. Our brains are really good at accentuating the bad, thanks to something called negativity bias, he explains. So, reminding ourselves of stuff we’re grateful for shifts our minds away from the negative and toward things that make our life good in the present, he says, which can also keep us feeling hopeful about more good in the future.

Just to be clear, gratitude doesn’t mean turning something bad into something good, Dr. Simon-Thomas notes. However, it can  take you out of worry spirals you might be stuck in, she says. In other words, it’s not about ignoring any difficult thing you go through, but it may make going through those things suck a little less because you can acknowledge “you’re making your way out of the dark,” Dr. Emmons agrees. 

You can practice gratitude whenever you catch yourself in these negative spirals, suggests psychologist Emma Seppälä, PhD, author of Sovereign. Like, sure, you’re having a horrible day at work, and it’s 100% valid to feel stressed. But, you can take a pause when you’re on your impending doom ride and think about one good thing that your job has given you (your coworkers, financial stability, whatever it is), Dr. Seppälä notes.

Another gratitude practice is literally just writing out things you’re thankful for in the a.m. or p.m., says Dr. Simon-Thomas. You can also write thank you letters to people in your life, she adds. Send them to people as voice memos, emails, or cards in the mail; tell them face-to-face; or keep it to yourself. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with, she says.

As a bonus, when we remind ourselves (and other people) that we’re grateful for the relationships we have in our lives, this drives human connection, says Dr. Emmons. This is fantastic news! 

5. Pump up the JOMO. 

We’ve established that connecting with others is great for your mental health, but saying no to social plans or non-essential meetings can make you happier too. This might seem sort of counterintuitive (see: guilt). But, with a little mental reframe, you can get excited about being alone or having free time, thus boosting your happiness.

To hack your brain into enjoying your own company, focus on the joy of missing out (JOMO) by relishing in the free time you have, suggests Dr. Simon-Thomas. Another neat tip: Once you’ve officially RSVP’d no, write reminders in your calendar of when the canceled plan or meeting or whatever it was would  have been. This makes it easier to appreciate that you don’t have to do that thing anymore, notes Dr. Santos. You’re being like, “Fuck, yeah! I didn’t do this, and that’s actually a potential good thing.” It’s what’s adorably called the “no-yay effect” from University of Toronto professor Dilip Soman. 

6. Soak in some awe. 

Being in awe feels good since it can trigger gratitude, says Dr. Simon-Thomas (it’s all connected!). Imagine seeing something that makes you go, “Oh, wow”—sorta like glimmers on steroids. Maybe it’s a double rainbow outside your window. You might get all tingly and feel lucky to be witnessing such a cool thing, she notes. You might stop where you are and take a picture of it because you’re so blown away.

Awe can also foster a greater sense of connection with others (which, again, makes us happy!!!), adds Dr. Simon-Thomas. You may want to share this double-rainbow moment with a neighbor who came out to see it. Maybe you chat with them about how they’re doing and offer them some banana bread you baked, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. That’s totally possible because people tend to feel more generous when they’re in this OMG-this-universe-is-incredible state, she says. Awe can really bring people together! 

To promote this feeling in your everyday life, go on a hike, literally just look at a video of nature, or jam out to live music, says Dr. Simon-Thomas. Basically, seek out awe-inducing experiences.  As a bonus, other people might also be there to witness these awesome things with you. And, even if they aren’t, you’ll probably still feel super lucky to see what your eyeballs are seeing or hear what your ears are hearing. Yay for you! 

The post How to Actually Be a Happier Person appeared first on Wondermind.

Stories Link Copied 12.28.23

20 Real and Relatable Things Famous People Said About Their Mental Health

Thanks for speaking up, y’all. BySam Brodsky

Not to get all “they’re just like us” on you, but even with tons of followers and fans, public figures have their own mental health hurdles to clear. We’re all just people out here being people—and these great mental health quotes from some pretty notable folks are proof of that.

We’ll take all the advice we can get from anyone willing to be honest about their mental fitness and the challenges they face, so we asked these notables to share their wisdom.

Check out some important reminders and real talk worth saving or sticking on your mirror. Take what works and leave the rest. 

1. 1. Camila Cabello wants you to be real with people.
   

   Photo Credit: Courtesy of Camila Cabello

   “I think the best mental health advice that I’ve ever received is that faking or pretending is the worst thing for my mental health, personally. Saying the truth and being vulnerable and talking about it is basically what my therapist says to me in every session. Obviously, the therapy works because I do  these things, I end up having the conversations or whatever. Just telling the truth about how you feel, like, ‘I feel f*cked up today. I feel super sad today. I feel depressed. I’m feeling a little panicky.’ That really helps so much, and finding people that you feel safe to say that around is the most relaxing thing.”

   Read the full interview here.

2. 2. Cleo Wade says it’s more than OK to cry.
   

   Photo Credit: Liza Voloshin

   “In sadness and grief, I think it’s really important and feels good to locate your own tears if you can. … I realized just how much the world tells us not to cry. Your parents will tell you not to cry, and your teachers will tell you not to cry. And then you’re not supposed to cry at work because that’s inappropriate. And it’s like, where are we allowed to have this emotion? And why does our body want to have it? I wrote this poem that says, ‘The tears, they shed and shed. It is a gift.’ It is a gift to be able to release what I can no longer hold. … Our body is releasing stories. Our body is releasing these narratives and ideas and these weights that are keeping us stagnant or stuck.”

   Read the full interview here.

3. 3. Hunter Hayes says you have more power over your emotions than you think.
   

   Photo Credit: Andrew Zaeh

   “[In] my top three greatest hits of what I’ve learned in therapy is how much power you have to give. … I am of the belief that we have so much more control over our feelings than I think we give ourselves credit for. That’s not to say that you can just flip out of being sad. But I think that you can set yourself up for success to be happy and create happiness and create good energy in the world around you and create the things you want more of in your life, you know? My wish is for more people to know how powerful they are in creating those things.”

   Read the full interview here.

4. 4. How Sohla El-Waylly believes in herself through failure.
   

   Photo Credit: Justin J Wee

   “It’s like a self-perpetuating kind of thing, you know? You fail, and then you try again on something small. And then the more you get back up, the more you realize it’s easy to come back from stuff. I feel like the more times I fuck up, the more I realize that I can get over anything. And the bigger the failure, the more confidence it gives me, because I know no matter what, I can always bounce back like a cockroach [laughs]. I think every time is very scary, but what’s the other option? There’s no other route but to just keep moving forward.”

   Read the full interview here.

5. 5. Alan Bersten on self-forgiveness.
   

   Photo Credit: Alan Bersten/BERST10 Fitness

   “You have to be able to forgive yourself for things. No matter if other people forgive you, if you don’t forgive yourself, you won’t be able to grow and move on. It’s allowing yourself to realize that people make mistakes—that you can make mistakes—and just accept that and grow from that. As long as you keep pushing forward, everything’s going to be OK.”

   Read the full interview here.

6. 6. Taraji P. Henson’s therapist tells her to stay patient.
   

   Photo Credit: kate spade new york

   “The one thing that she brought to my attention that I still do [sometimes] but I’ve gotten better at is writing scripts before something happens. I have already written the beginning, the middle, and the end. I’ve written the entire script, and, a lot of times, my script is wrong. … I’ll write the script in my head [about] a breakup or a relationship without letting it unfold. You know what I mean? So I’m already making up what’s going to happen before it even happens. That’s a lot of work. That adds to my anxiety. Literally, when I feel myself starting to write the script, I go, Put the pen down, breathe. Nothing has happened yet. You have to wait until it unfolds. I’m so busy trying to write the ending.” 

   Read the full interview here.

7. 7. JoAnna Garcia Swisher says she accepts grief as a part of her.
   

   Photo Credit: Danette Anderson

   “It’s so deeply painful that you want to kind of get through it. And it’s hard because you never really get through it. It just changes everything. Grief is so tricky like that because it manifests in so many different ways for so long.

   One of the biggest things that I have tried to do is know that this is just a part of me now and allow it to enrich my life and be OK with all the different ways [it shows up]. Sometimes it manifests itself in deep joy, great joy, great gratitude. I have so much gratitude for my mom and my dad, and I think losing them will inform the rest of my life. It has changed the rest of my life, and there will be deeply sad moments and deeply emotional moments, but there’s also these moments of just utter gratitude for what they gave me, the time that I had with them.” 

   Read the full interview here.

8. 8. Camilla Luddington on getting the help you need.
   

   Photo Credit: Sarah Krick

   “I think it’s really important for [my kids] to know to not be ashamed of seeking help or taking medication…any of those things that can reset your mental health. That’s why I like talking about this because I feel like there’s still a stigma, and I just want to be able to be open and [want them to] understand: Hey, mom has anxiety. I had PMDD after my son was born, which I had never experienced before and didn’t know could happen. I want them to know that it doesn’t [show] weakness to seek help.”

   Read the full interview here.

9. 9. To Alyson Stoner, it’s all about perspective.
   

   Photo Credit: Courtesy of Alyson Stoner

   “A former mentor in my life, who I trust, used to talk about life as a spiral staircase and healing as a spiral staircase. Sometimes when you’re going around the spiral, whether you’re going to a higher or a deeper level, it can look like we’re looking at the same problem we’ve seen a million times. However, you’ve changed since the last time you’ve seen it.” 

   Read the full interview here.

10. 10. Amanda Seales encourages you to slow down.
    

    Photo Credit: Jerome A. Shaw

    “If you’re a very hypersensitive person like myself, and you’re also able to identify your feelings very quickly, you can trick yourself into thinking, I need to respond immediately because I know exactly how I feel right now, and they’re gonna know how I feel right now too. But when you practice the pause, it allows you to just fly further away from something and see the bigger picture. … And if you don’t have to respond immediately, it gives you a moment to process like, OK, what do I really want to do with this?  But we live in such a time of urgency and immediacy that it makes you think that you have to be. No, just give it a beat. Let it go through your nervous system. Let it take a ride or two or three before you spit it back out.” 

    Read the full interview here.

11. 11. Alex Toussaint is a big fan of gratitude.
    

    Photo Credit: Isaac James

    “The ability to wake up and be blessed with another 24 hours—that simple blessing is something you can count before you even touch your feet to the ground. If you count certain things in your life that you’re grateful for before the day even gets started, you start to identify … the things you do have versus the things you don’t have. Once you get into that flow, you start to identify throughout the day things that make you feel good, things that you accomplish, things that provide you a certain level of, Oh, I am worthy. I am great.”

    Read the full interview here.

12. 12. Skyh Black wants you to talk about your shit.
    

    Photo Credit: Tyren Redd Photography

    “We take on so much—excuse my language—shit every single day. And how do you unpack that? Think of yourself as a house, right? If you keep putting things in the house and never clean it out, you’re a hoarder and there’s no space to move around effectively. For me, especially as a man and especially as a Black man, it’s never discussed. It’s never talked about. It’s almost taboo, and I don’t know why because we need an outlet. Everybody needs somebody to talk to.”

    Read the full interview here.

13. 13. Drew Petersen says anyone’s worthy of therapy.
    

    Photo Credit: Courtesy of Drew Petersen

    “I think that there are a lot of people who are curious about therapy, who are questioning their self-worth and questioning if their struggles are valid [enough] to need help from another person. And ultimately, if you’re a human being on this planet, you are worthy of help and love and understanding and a place to be yourself. That’s it.” 

    Read the full interview here.

14. 14. David Archuleta wants you to be open to it all.
    

    Photo Credit: Zach Schmitt

    “Allow yourself to be heard. Let your emotions come through and find a channel for them. … Allow yourself to grieve when you need to. Allow yourself to laugh when you need to. Allow yourself to talk when you need to. Allow yourself to transition and change when you need to.”

    Read the full interview here.

15. 15. Devery Jacobs knows that mental fitness is completely unselfish.
    

    Photo Credit: Ryan Pfluger

    “I wanna tear down the idea that focusing on mental health is selfish. I think that’s one of the biggest roadblocks I’ve experienced. Also speaking with people—particularly women of older generations—they feel that being selfless means they need to give their all and abandon themselves and only focus on those around them in order to be a good woman or a good mother or what have you. I just wanna stress how it’s untrue. It’s not true that it’s selfish to focus on oneself. Actually, it’s integral to making sure that we can have long lasting lives and are able to do a better job at sitting with people and and honoring ourselves. … It is so important and can be the greatest gift that one can give themself.” 

    Read the full interview here.

16. 16. Kyla Pratt thrives when she says no.
    

    Photo Credit: Ben Cope

    “For so long, we all sit back, and we don’t recognize [we’re] trying to be people pleasers and trying to make things easy for everyone else. Sometimes we don’t recognize what that’s doing to us. Practicing saying no is one of my favorite things to do now. I have no problem with it; I feel no guilt. One of my favorite things I always say whenever I’m feeling a little overwhelmed is, ‘You only can do what you can do, and that’s OK.’”

    Read the full interview here.

17. 17. Holly Robinson Peete’s reminder to herself is a reminder to us all.
    

    Photo Credit: Riker Brothers

    “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve come this far. You’ve done a lot. You’ve been strong. You’ve seen the peaks of the hills and the valleys. You’ve done a lot, and now it’s time to just take it easy on yourself.” 

    Read the full interview here.

18. 18. ALOK says to never underestimate the healing power of friends.
    

    Photo Credit: Celeste Sloman

    “I’m a firm believer in the power and poetry of a dinner date with a friend. It’s my primary means of grounding myself. Just being able to have one of those languid, 2-, 3-, 4-, 5-hour conversations where you’re just synthesizing all the things you’ve been thinking and feeling. 

    What’s so important about that is having people in my life mirror back to me that they’re rooting for me, so that I’m remembering I’m not in this alone. Having people who don’t require me to be one thing and grant me permission to be figuring it out … is one of the most powerful embraces I’ve ever had. It continually gives me the stamina and the fuel to keep going because it feels like most of the time I’m drowning. But when I’m having a real heart-to-heart with someone who I love, I remember, OK, I can do this. That’s why I feel mental health is a collective project—it requires this coming together. We can’t just heal in silos. We need each other.”

    Read the full interview here.

19. 19. Rebecca Black’s advice to her younger self speaks volumes.
    

    Photo Credit: Sarah Pardini

    “You’ll never regret being nice to yourself, even if it’s in the littlest moments of allowing yourself to wear what you really want to wear or do what you really want to do or say what you really want to say or not say what you don’t want to say.”

    Read the full interview here.

20. 20. Naomi Osaka’s short but sweet message.
    

    Photo Credit: Zoey Grossman

    “It’s always OK to admit things are hard, that things aren’t OK sometimes, but always know that there are people out there who can relate to you and what you’re feeling.” 

    Read the full interview here.

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